01x10 - Beauty and the Screech

[bunniefuu]

(bell rings)

♪ When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning ♪

♪ I don't think I'll ever make it on time ♪

♪ By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look ♪

♪ I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

♪ If the teacher pops a test I know I'm in a mess ♪

♪ And my dog ate all my homework last night ♪

♪ Ridin' low on my chair, she won't know that I'm there ♪

♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be all right ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

I like school. It's a good way to k*ll time between weekends.

It gives me five days to plan my Saturday night.

I did it! I was KBLA's 25th caller.

I won two tickets to go see George Michael.

Kelly, that's great. Who are you going to take?

Allow me to recommend Zack Morris.

He's cute, warm and affectionate.

And so's a cocker spaniel.

If you want a date, Kelly, take me.

Well, I'd love to take both of you, but I need some time to decide.

Sounds fair. Time's up. What's your answer?

Zack. See? She's going with me.

Too bad, Slater.

(bell rings)

I'll let you guys know.

Screech, in honor of your 37th consecutive A+, You get to wear the Mertz Molecule Hat.

(sings)

(applause)

It's a good way to get girls. Thanks, Dr. Mertz.

Don't let it go to your head. "Bzz--bbb!"

I won't, sir. Good.

And now I have the pleasure of passing out last week's test results.

Slater, here you go.

Right.

Hey, a B-!

That's decent.

Decent? If NASA scientists got B-'s, the space shuttle wouldn't get past Cleveland.

Sorry, Zack. Copy from someone smarter next week.

That's up to you, sir. You assign the seats.

Kelly?

Ooh, I'm really sorry.

An F?

Did I really deserve an F?

No, but they don't allow us to give M's.

My parents are going to k*ll me.

Remember, there's one more test on Friday, and that counts for half your final grades.

I'll be grounded for life.

No more cheerleading, no more volleyball.

And for sure, no George Michael concert.

There goes my weekend.

Screech, I need to borrow your brain.

No way, Zack. You still haven't returned my tricycle from kindergarten.

No, I mean I need you to help Kelly get an A on her science test, so she'll take me to the George Michael concert.

I don't have any time, Zack.

It's mating season on my ant farm.

I'm going to be an uncle.

Now look, Kelly is Lisa's friend, right?

And by helping Kelly, you'll be helping Lisa.

Ah, Lisa!

I'll never pass Mertz's class. I'm doomed.

Kelly, you have to change your attitude.

She's right, this is not like you. Will you start thinking positive?

Okay, I'm positive I'm doomed.

Kelly, your troubles are over.

Screech here has agreed to share his wisdom and tutor you.

I will be your Yoda.

And I will be your everything.

And I will be gone.

I could really use your help. I don't know what to say.

Well, just say, "After I pass the test, I'm going to take Zack to the George Michael concert."

Oh, Zack. Okay, so when do we start?

Tonight, but it has to be at my place.

I'm not allowed out after "ALF."

Screech? Hello?

Gosh. You're electrifying.

Who are you?

Hi. I'm Kevin, Screech's robot.

Welcome to our world.

Oh, hi, Kelly.

Sorry I'm late. I was developing pictures in my dark room.

They're for "Robot Illustrated." I'm hunk of the month.

I see you've met my robot, Kevin.

Screech, he's just like you.

It's 'cause I programmed him. That's what he thinks.

How fun. Well, Screech, you've got a great room.

I mean, I've never seen anything like it before.

I guess you've only lived on one planet.

Now let's get started. I brought all my books.

Where do you want to begin?

Let's start with atomic energy.

What do you know about nuclear fission?

Not much. I always end up losing my bait.

Better put on a pot of cocoa, Kevin.

It's going to be a long night.

Think of these dolls as cheerleader atoms at a football game.

Alone, they are just separate little voices.

Rah, rah, sis-boom-ba!

But fused together as a pyramid, they are a force.

(cheering)

Oh, so if fusion is forming a cheerleading pyramid, then fission must be...

When the atoms do the splits.

(mimics expl*si*n)

Thank you, Kevin.

I get it now. Screech, this is fantastic.

I can't believe you went to all this trouble just for me.

I wanted to show you that science is fun.

Beep. It's 9:00 p.m., have you flossed yet?

Sorry, Kelly. We have to stop. It's my bedtime.

I really should be getting home.

Screech, thanks for everything. I really had a great time.

I did too. Well...

Well... Good night.

Good night.

She's cute.

Well, she's got all the symptoms -- glassy eyes, goofy look.

Mismatched wardrobe. It can only mean one thing.

Both: Crush!

Come on, Kelly. Who are you thinking about?

Is he cute? Well, kind of.

He's real intelligent, got a great sense of humor, and he's really fun to be with.

If I found someone like that, I'd never let him go.

So give already. Who is it?

Screech.

Kelly, you're kidding right?

No, I had so much fun studying with Screech in his room last night.

You were in his room?

Didn't the bats bother you?

That is just a rumor. None of his creatures can fly.

You know, Lisa, you really ought to give Screech a chance.

I'd rather give chickenpox a chance.

Hey, I'm telling you, Screech can be really charming.

He definitely did something to her brain.

He did. I'm seeing Screech in a completely different way.

The best way is blindfolded.

Screech, you still haven't told me how it went with Kelly last night.

We've been over it already.

Okay, so how many times did my name come up?

None, zero, zilch. Zippity-doo-da.

All right, all right, but I bet she was thinking about me the whole time.

Screech, all I can think about since last night is the stuff we went over.

Hi, Kelly. I got my book here.

Maybe we can review right now?

Sure. Hi, Kelly.

Let's go to our own table. It'll be a lot quieter.

Bye, Kelly.

Don't take it personally, Zack, but Kelly's only got eyes for Screech.

What? Get out of town.

Here's your usual, Kelly.

Thanks. Screech, would you like to split this with me?

Sure. No problem.

Service for one is now service for two.

Thank you.

Come on, you guys are crazy.

There's nothing going on between Screech and Kelly.

It's just a simple tutor/tutee relationship.

You should see what he's doing with your tutee.

I think we've just entered "The Twilight Zone."

Slater, I'm telling you, they were drinking from the same malt. Their lips were this close.

Kelly and Screech? Forget it, Preppie. No sale.

I saw it with my own two eyes.

Screech was being charming.

He was using a spoon.

Get outta town. Oh, you get outta town.

Okay, let's put it to the test.

Hey Kelly, how about a pizza and movie tonight?

Sorry, Slater, I already have dinner plans with "Screechie."

After that, "Kel-Kel" and I are going to be studying at my place.

Yeah, probably till late.

Screechie?

Kel-Kel?

Okay, define radioactivity.

Changing stations till you find your favorite song?

(Kevin buzzes) Wrong.

I was just joking, Kevin.

Radioactivity is the spontaneous emission of waves or particles from decaying atomic nuclei.

Very good. Excellent, Kel-Kel.

Okay, now that we know what radioactivity is, how about radiation?

(knocking on door)

Kevin, you didn't order a pizza again, did you?

Don't look at me.

Hey, Screech. Zack, what are you doing here?

Me? I came by to return Screech's tricycle.

Screech, is that yours?

It was in kindergarten.

Kelly, what a pleasant surprise.

Preppie, what are you doing here?

I was just about to ask you the same thing.

I got stuck on a little science problem at home.

What is it? Screech, can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?

It's pretty complicated. It could take all night.

I can wait. You guys, we're in the middle of something here. Do you mind?

Both: Yes.

Sorry. Why don't we meet tomorrow after school and do guy things? Bye.

Both: But--

Screech, that was great. You really took charge.

Science brings out the animal in him.

Now, where were we?

Now, this blender is an atom, and the popcorn are its particles.

If we were to bombard the atom, the particles would split apart.

I'm not so sure I understand.

Watch. My finger will bombard this blender and...

we have radioactivity.

Screech, you're the greatest.

Thanks.

I understand. I see it now.

You're the best teacher I've ever had.

Preppie, we just lost our girl to a nerd.

Let's keep this a secret. We've got reputations to protect.

Shh.

Kelly and Screech together!

This is hot!

Kelly and Screech!

Kelly and Screech!

Kelly and Screech!

Kelly and Screech!

Kelly and Screech!

Kelly and Screech?

(beeping)

Something tells me the secret's out.

I remember the first time Screech proposed to me in kindergarten.

I buried his head in the sandbox.

We got out early that day.

Mrs. Gurskey had to call the fire department.

Kelly has no right to steal the one guy I love to reject.

It's him! Screech can we sit with you?

Well, I guess so, if we can find a table for 18.

Screech-mania... is all over Bayside like a bad rash.

You know, I don't get it.

What do they see in him? Slater: You got me.

Kelly's the most popular girl in school.

If she wore a pizza on her head and called it a hat, there'd be a run on pepperoni.

Screech is the fashion statement?

Scary thought.

Got a date for the prom yet?

Well, I've been asked by the captains of the football team, the basketball team, the debating team, and the class hunk -- nothing to get excited about.

Yeah, I know what you mean. All the good nerds are taken.

Hello.

Hello!

Hey, me first. Hey, out of my way.

Did your mother ever teach you manners?

Hey, come on, come on.

(silly laughter)

Way to go, spazzola.

Walk much as a kid?

Oh! Oh.

Both: Hi, girls!

Oh, girls.

The Bayside stud-muffins are here.

That's us. Yep, yep, yep.

Hey, do you know anybody who can do this?

Wow, that is so cool. Can you teach us how to do that?

Maybe later. Kelly's here.

Darn. Hello, boys.

Kelly, come here. Come here.

Kelly, you want to come over tonight and look at my lint collection?

No she can't. She's coming over to look at my ear-wax sculptures.

Sorry, boys, I'm not seeing either one of you anymore.

Nerds are out.

Well, what's in? (dramatic music plays)

The name is Bond -- Screech Bond.

I have a license to love.

Wow. Tough.

There's only one way to outfox a nerd.

You get a bigger nerd.

Are you sure this one is going to work, Preppie?

Trust me, Slater, if Belding thinks Kelly and Screech are getting married, he'll break them up.

Let's hope he doesn't buy them Tupperware.

The aluminum drive was over last week, boys.

You're a little late with those cans.

Cans, sir? What cans?

Move it.

Moving, sir.

(nervous laughter)

That was supposed to be a secret.

What is? Um, nothing sir.

Yeah, this certainly has nothing to do with Screech and Kelly.

Shh! Boys... need I remind you that anything that goes on in my school, concerning my students is principal territory?

He does have a right to know.

But it's not our place to tell.

Well, what does all this stuff have to do with Screech and Kelly anyway?

It's not like they're getting married or anything.

(laughs)

You didn't hear it from us, sir.

Excuse us, Mr. Belding, but we've got to tie those to the back of the honeymoon 10-speed.

Look, I understand how kids your age might misread a close friendship as something more.

You see the road I'm following here, son?

No, I think you lost me at the on-ramp, sir.

I'm talking about you and Kelly.

I don't think either of you realizes what lies ahead.

Well, sure we do. Friday's the big day.

Friday? Do you really think you're ready for something like this?

I'm always ready. I just hope she is.

Do your parents know?

Of course they do. She's been at my house every night.

And they have no objections?

No, they're rooting us on.

Well, I have objections. Screech, you can't elope.

Who are you calling a cantaloupe, you melon head?

I'm sorry, Mr. Belding.

Screech, get a hold of yourself.

Teenage marriage is a very serious step.

What teenage marriage?

Yours and Kelly's.

I'm not getting married. Is she?

Well then, what's all this about Friday being the big day?

Well, it is. In science class.

It's the final test we've been cramming for all week.

(thud, door creaking)

Oh, so all this talk about you and Kelly getting married is just some crazy hoax perpetrated by...

...a couple of detention lifers.

(bell rings)

So ends another science soirée.

Pick up your tests on the way out, please.

All right, B+, Preppie.

How'd you do?

I got a C. Yeah?

Yeah, it says, "See me after school."

I got an A, I got an A!

That means I'm going to pass the course!

Screech, we did it!

No you did it, Kelly. I only helped.

That means I get to go to the George Michael concert.

And guess who I'm taking? Zack?

No. Slater?

No, I'll give you a hint.

Someone I know who's the smartest guy in science.

Dr. Mertz?

No, silly -- you!

Me? Why would you want to take me to see George Michael?

I hate him. You do?

Oh. Well, then where would you like to go celebrate?

How about the International Insect Expo?

I hear this year they're having a petting zoo.

I don't think so. Why don't we go play volleyball on the beach?

No, I've had a fear of sand ever since I was in kindergarten.

I guess we don't have a lot in common, do we?

Guess not.

You're beach and sunscreen, I'm ant farms and allergy pills.

Every ice cream cone has its last lick, Kelly, and this one's ours.

I'll never forget how you helped me.

We'll always have science.

Rebound.

So, Kelly, looks like you need a date for the concert after all.

Pick you up around 7:00? Forget it, Preppie.

She's taking me, aren't you, Kelly?

Why don't you guys go?

I really don't feel up to it.

Whoa. You think she'll be all right?

Oh yeah. How long could it take to get over Screech?

You're right.

Well, looks like we're going to the concert together.

I'm not going on a date with you.

Well, then give me your ticket. No, give me yours.

Well, these are front row seats.

Pick you up at 7:00?

If you get me home by 10:00.

(instrumental theme music plays)