03x10 - Elephant in the Room

[bunniefuu]

- What's that?
- Bullhorn.

From garage sale. $ .

- Why?
- Because of five dollar.

How you work in a store
and not to know good deal?

Whatever.

[APPA ON BULLHORN]
Janet, cleanup in isle two.

Janet, cleanup in isle two.

Okay, that's not going to be a thing.

- [DOOR BELL CHIMING]
- Oh, sorry.

Didn't think you could hear me.

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Oh.

Attention customer.

Welcome to store.

[HUMMING]

Best to ignore him.

Janet Kim to front counter
at - over, out.

I'm not coming over there.

When Janet was four-years-old,

she says she want to marry her daddy.

I never said that.

She also fall in love
with Shaggy from Scooby Doo.

Like a weird kind of obsessive love.

Stop.

What do you want?

See? Now you understand
the power of bullhorn.

Have to respect the bull,
otherwise you get the horn.

[CHUCKLES]

[GASPS]

Oh, hello, Yobo.

You enjoy your nap?

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

[STAMMERS] Can I get back after lunch?

Let's take that as a no.

You, no.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Have you seen Kimchee?

I need to discuss the number of
exclamation marks in his email.

It's weird, he doesn't put any.

He's over there,
talking to the "courier."

I thought she was the courier.

She is. I just mean,
because he "likes her."

Doesn't he like her?

Yeah, I'm gonna stop using quotes now.

Do you think he's gonna ask her out?

I don't know. I keep
my nose out of this stuff.

Yeah, you can't meddle.

Our neighbour, Bette, was
a meddler, always meddling.

We used to call her,
"Bette, the busy body."

Not Bette Meddler?

Oh, my God, that's so good.

[CHUCKLES] I have to send out
an email tonight.

Well, better leave these two to it.

Oh, deffers.

[GWEN] I should probably go...

[KIMCHEE] Yeah, my break starts soon.

Don't wanna miss that.

See you next week?

Same time, same shirts?

Sure.

Hi, Kimchee.

Another special delivery?

Just some cleaning supplies.
Nothing crazy.

Uh, except the crazy
cute chemistry you have

with that courier.

Yeah, Gwen's cool.

And not a Handy employee

which means full steam ahead
on asking her out.

[MIMICS TRAIN HORN]

[MIMICKING CHUGGING OF TRAIN]

Ding-dong. Hello.

Yeah, I'm working on it.

I got a -step plan

and I'm on step .

Get her to laugh so hard, she snorts.

steps? That's basically a marathon.

Just ask her out.

I'm taking it slow.

Getting to know her,
letting her get to know me.

I recognize the vibe
she's putting out.

It's a vibe that says,
"I like you, Kimchee."

I've been known to put out
that vibe myself.

Not an, "I like you, Kimchee" vibe,

just an, "I like you" vibe
and, never to "You."

And I appreciate your input, but,

I'm kinda doing this my way.

Just don't wait too long
or you might miss your chance.

Thanks for the tip.

Also, make sure you listen
as much as you talk.

And don't wear a wrist watch,
makes you seem a**l.

Maybe you just send me an email.

Oh, sorry, I am being
such a Bette Meddler.

Hey, did you move any boxes
of things from my bedroom?

- Thing?
- Yeah, my baby teeth.

Macaroni pony.

[STAMMERS] My autographed
Lion King program.

Janet, I signed those autograph.

Yeah, I know. So, where is it?

I sell all that stuff
at the church bazaar.

It looked like box of garbage.

I tell you so many time to take.

- When did you tell me?
- Lots of time.

Was I here when you told me?

Here, not here, who know.

And we need space.

- For what?
- [UMMA] Oh.

I get new home brew kit.

Make beer.

At home. Save the money.

Drink beer?

So those tubs of sludge
in my closet are beer?

Yeah, it's my new Appa Hopper.

First batch, uh, too much hopper.

My childhood was in those boxes.

Well, you should keep it
in your own apartment.

If you needed more room,
you should have got rid of...

That gold elephant

or that cabinet or
the stupid silverware in it.

Janet, that's all valuable thing.

My stuff was valuable too.

Well, money from church bazaar
say something different.

It was valuable to me.

Time to let go of past, Janet.

Or keep it where you is living.

[GROANS]

[SIGHS]

All you do is stand there

and wipe your hands with the rag.

It looks like you're doing something.

And Terence will leave me alone?

Yep.

[GWEN LAUGHING]

[GWEN] No way, we have to go. Amazing.

[TERENCE] Yeah.

[GWEN] Are you free
sometime this weekend?

What about Saturday night?

Uh, yeah, that works. Seven-ish?

[TERENCE] Yeah, I don't like
when time gets too specific.

Before : , right?

Sure, I'll see you then.

- Ish.
- Can't wait.

Keep up the good work, Omar.

[CAR ENGINE STARTS]

Shannon, there's a problem.

[WHISPERS] I'm on the phone.

Terence asked out Gwen.

- Tell me everything.
- I don't know.

Terence was all like,
"Hey, Saturday night?"

And she's like, [GIGGLES]
"I'm laughing for some reason."

And then he's like, "Go out
with me on Saturday."

- And she agreed.
- What a snake.

I mean, he's my employee

and I don't like to play favorites

but he's completely a snake.

You should tell her that. Anonymously.

Maybe make up some other stuff too.

Absolutely. But, maybe instead
of telling her everything,

you don't say anything.

How is not trash talking
Terence a plan?

No, because Terence still
needs to go on the date.

And again, not playing favorites,

but there is no way Terence
is any fun at a date.

- She seemed to like him.
- Kimchee, it's Terence.

He's gonna talk about his ear aches,

send back his drinks
for being too cold.

Use too many napkins,
call the bathroom the loo.

Plus, Saturday is
the worst date night.

Mmm, I think you're making that up.

It's crowded, high expectations,
so much noise.

Trust me, this will be
Terence's last date with Gwen.

And once the stink of dating men
from Handy fades away,

you ask her out.

But not on a Saturday?

On a Thursday, if possible.

The perfect date night.

No presh, easy to get reservations.

Some great water cooler buzz
on Friday morning.

And if everything goes well,

you can transition into
a second date on Saturday,

the ultimate date night.

So the plan is to wait it out
and let Terence fail.

Hundo-percento, you got this.

You're the best.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Really? I thought you hung up on me.

[HUMMING]

You okay?

Yeah.

Take a free licorice.

Already did. Thanks.

Now, is best not to get
too upset with your Umma.

Or you. It's your beer in my room.

But Umma sell your thing.

- You knew about it.
- But her idea.

Well, I'm fine. I've let it go.

And hopefully, you and Umma
can do the same.

I have nothing to let go.

Appa, where is golden elephant?

I don't know. Maybe you
move when you clean?

No, it's missing.

That must be upsetting.

Yeah, it's upsetting.

Such a unique experience
for you being upset.

That something of yours
that you really liked

that was in your home where you
thought it was safe has been sold.

So, you were just still angry.

You sold golden elephant statue?

Yes, Umma, I did.

[GASPS]

Just like you sold my stuff,
in case you weren't getting it.

You can't sell that.

Oh, is your important stuff
important to you?

Hal-Abeoji was in that elephant.

Grandpa's ashes?

Oh, my God.

Where is he?

Umma, I am so sorry.

I didn't know he was in the elephant.

Okay, don't worry.

I'll get him back.

Aboenim's ash really in elephant?

No.

But the point is, Janet tried
to mess with Umma.

Big mistake.

So, you teach a lesson to Janet.

Not just Janet.

Everybody.

You gonna finish that spring roll?

- Yeah, man.
- Well, how about those veggie pecoras?

I'm gonna eat my whole lunch.

Get used to it.

Fine.

So I saw you talking
to the courier the other day.

Yeah, gonna ask her out.

Yeah!

So you found her favorite dog breeds?

That was like four steps ago, bro.

- She likes all the doodles.
- Nice.

Slight hiccup though.

Terence is going out
with her this Saturday.

Why is she going out with Terence?

I don't know. Why're there
flying squirrels?

Universe is a crazy place.

You gotta go out with her first.

Shannon said that
I should wait for him to blow it

then ask her out.

Don't listen to Shannon.
What does she know about dating?

I assume a lot because
she's dating someone.

[MIMICS BUZZER] Incorrect.

What else did she say?

Stuff about listening
and not to wear a wrist watch.

What? Why not?

It makes you seem a**l and like,

you don't have time
for the person you're with.

What? That's not...

No, it doesn't.

Anyway, you gotta strike first.

Once she sees how amazing you are,

she'll probably cancel
her date with Terence.

Shannon was pretty confident

that Terence was gonna be Terence.

That's just it.

He's the kind of guy
that women date out of pity.

If Gwen goes out with him first,

his weakness will lure her

into a, "Let's take on
a project" relationship.

I've seen it happen.
I've made it happen.

I've seen you make it happen.

I know a lot more
about this than Shannon does.

You know how many
first dates I've been on?

Mmm-hmm, but how many second dates?

You trying to get
a second date right now?

Worry about that later.

Speaking of, I gotta jet.

Unless you wanna talk about this more?

I got time. I'm not a**l.

You're important.

- I'm good.
- Okay.

[DOOR BELL CHIMING]

I was too late.
I couldn't get him back.

Yeah, but uh, you tried.

That's uh, most important.

Umma will be okay.

Maybe I should dedicate
a park bench to him?

Yeah, maybe.

Or, or a monument at the cemetery.

Did he like trees?

Janet, you not give away
Hal-Abeoji on purpose.

I had no idea he was even in there.

I thought he was buried in Busan,

not sitting on a shelf next
to a vase of plastic peonies.

Okay, okay. Hmm?

You learned lesson, huh. Yeah.

Good news.

Golden elephant statue
not have Hal-Abeoji ash.

Also, not real gold.

- What?
- Yeah. Just a gold color paint.

Look real.

So, Umma lied to me
just so I would feel bad.

Umma teach you very important lesson,

just like you teach Umma
important lesson

when you, uh, sell elephant.

Don't sell other people's things.
Good lesson.

Everyone finish learning now.

End of story.

Right. I mean, I just went through
emotional torment all day,

but, sure.

- End of story.
- Uh, Janet.

Careful with the bread.

Oops.

I hope Grandpa's ashes
weren't in there.

Ha-ha, just kidding.

End of story.

I'm back.

Hey, great to see you.

You guys are already out of soap.

Yeah, it's a filthy business.

Lots of bird poop.

Especially in the summer.

Pigeons across the city
just letting loose on cars.

Bird poop everywhere.

Sure.

Hey, I saw someone

rocking a pair of Air Jordans
on my way here.

- Made me think of you.
- Do you want to go out sometime?

- I'd like that.
- Preferably before Saturday.

Oh, um...

Maybe.

Friday's no good.
Indoor soccer, star player.

Oh.

- No, for Wednesday.
- What about Thursday?

- Great day.
- Not for me.

Unless you wanna meet at : a.m.

Perfect.

- Seriously?
- Why not?

- We could do breakfast.
- That's ridiculous. I love it.

Okay, let's do it.

But no judging if I put
syrup on my eggs.

No promises, weirdo.

No, no, no, no.

Breakfast? Breakfast is terrible.

Why? What's wrong with
flirting over hash browns?

Nothing, if it's late on a Sunday

and it's called brunch
and it's not your first date.

What time are you meeting her?

- : .
- [BOTH GROAN]

This is devastating.

- Should I cancel?
- No, no, no, no, no.

The only thing worse than
being asked out

on a : a.m. breakfast date,

is having your : a.m.
breakfast date cancel on you.

So, what do I do?

We can still save this.

You need to be a fun morning person.

Maybe colorful socks. Women love that.

They're fun. It's fun. Be fun.

I disagree. I'd go sockless.

It says free and ready for anything.

Nobody wants to see bare feet
during their first meal of the day.

But I have great looking feet.

Yeah, we're talking about Kimchee.

Right. Socks on.

And be assertive.

Make it seem like a breakfast
date is totally normal

and she's judgy for thinking it's not.

What if we just get coffee
and go for a walk?

- Is he even listening?
- Trust us.

We're your only hope.

Exclamation mark, exclamation mark.

Okay, what time is it?
I have to hop in a call soon.

Oh, I wouldn't know. I actually
got rid of my watch ages ago.

Don't know what
time it is. Don't care.

[KIMCHEE] I think it's around : .

Seriously?

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

- [MR. MEHTA] What did you do?
- [APPA] Nothing.

Mrs. Kim and Janet are fighting.

I just get stuck in the middle.

Mr. Kim.

You are in the sweet spot.

Don't taste sweet to me.

When Mrs. Mehta and Raj are fighting,

I can do whatever I want.

No opposition, no nagging.

She's too blinded by her own rage.

Mrs. Kim too
is blind by rage. [GROWLS]

But usually it's directed at you.

- Hmm.
- Now she's focused on Janet.

It's time to indulge.

Get your teeth capped.

Take sailing lesson, buy an ATV.

Why I do that?

Driving over logs, fording rivers,

The smell of moss in your hair.

- I could go see movie.
- Think bigger.

I always want a reclining chair.

Sit with a home-brew beer,

watch a Blue Jay game.

Well, it's a start.

Do we know where they went?

Tell me it wasn't Golden Griddle.

Does it even matter?

No, a trainwreck's a trainwreck.

I've already set him up some profiles

on the best dating sites.

He'll bounce back.

Hey, nice socks.

Oh, you've never seen these?

When I wear socks, I want them
to be like a supernova

or a star exploding.

[GIGGLES] Those are the same thing.

Oh, here he is.

[KIMCHEE] Thanks for
dropping me off at work.

Yeah, I wanted to make sure
you arrived safely

and work off some of those waffles.

I've never want to go
to Belgium until this morning.

That was fun.

Maybe next time, we could try lunch?

Oh, that might be moving fast.

How about a mid-morning donut?

I'm old-fashioned that way.

Solid donut joke.

- [GIGGLES]
- I'll call you.

Okay.

So nice of her to drive you
to work, considering...

Considering how well it went.

Really? We did it.

I did it.

Sure, with a little help from
your big old boss

and your little old pal.

Well, Kimchee deserves
some of the credit

for doing what we said.

I didn't do anything you guys said.

Are you nuts? Why not?

I didn't need to.

The date was easy
because of my system.

Get to know someone over time
and if they seem into it,

ask them on a date.

[TERENCE LAUGHING] I know,
I know, and I ate it all.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

She's probably canceling on him.

Yeah, in a friendly
arm-touching kind of way.

I'll see you Saturday night.

Don't forget to warm up those lips.

[GWEN] I won't.

Hey. Stop slacking, guys.

[LAUGHS] Just having fun.

And it come in green?

What you doing?

Uh, just think about
what Janet is doing.

Make me so angry.

Yeah, I know. She forget
what we do for her.

Yeah.

And in leather or microfiber?

Janet.

Where you coming from?
Your shift start one hour ago.

Sorry, I haven't been home
since yesterday.

But, the important thing is
that I have the elephant.

- You have elephant?
- Yeah.

Good, you hear, Appa.

Yeah, yeah, good.

The guy at the pawn shop
knew the woman who bought it.

He warned me not to try
to get it back but I had to try.

Okay, good work.

So, I knocked on the woman's
door and she was so mean.

She told me I couldn't have it
unless I paid her , dollars.

So you said no?

Are you kidding?

I couldn't let a stranger
have Hal-Abeoji.

I saw how upset you were
when he was gone.

So, I emptied my bank account,

and sold my camera, and...

It doesn't matter how I got the rest.

No, Janet, what you do?

It's not important.

The purpose of my body

is to serve my parents.

What matters is I have
Grandpa's ashes back.

I hope you can forgive me.

[APPA] What about footstool?

Come out of chair? How?

Oh, like a Jack in box.

Yeah, I can forgive you.

- Oh, I see.
- Thanks, Umma.

Can I see his ashes?

I went through
so much to bring him back.

- Janet...
- It would mean so much to me.

Janet, just leave, huh?

When you's older.
It's a Korean tradition.

How does the elephant even open?

- The tail? The trunk?
- It's complicated...

Show me the ashes, Umma.

Uh, delivery to uh, ...

Why don't you want
to show me the ashes?

Is it because there aren't any?

Appa told me.

[GASPS]

I have to go now. Bye-bye.

[PHONE BEEPS]

- Why you tell her?
- Because she's crying.

- You go too far.
- She go too far.

I can't believe you let me think
I lost Grandpa's ashes for real.

Okay, so...

Maybe I lie about ash.

But truth is, elephant is
a present my Umma give to me.

It's so stupid present.

I hate this elephant present.

So, we have a big fight
about stupid elephant present.

And then she get sick after that.

So fast.

And my last word to her

is complaining about
stupid elephant present to me.

[UMMA CRYING]

[WHISPERS] Is that true?

Well, I'm sorry that happened.

And I hope we never
have that conversation.

Thank you, Janet.

I accept your apology.

I wasn't... Just...

Don't touch my stuff.

Is that a true story?

Yobo?

All right, who wants
to rent out some cars?

Uh-oh, someone had a good weekend.

But don't sweat it.

I'll leave you guys to catch up,
if you know what I mean.

I don't.

So, T-bag.

Did you and Gwen hang out
over the weekend?

Oh, yeah, we did.

- How did you...
- Scoop her up?

Yes.

You know, a lot of people seek me out.

'Cause of my reputation.

Although, Gwen is very special.

She is.

Not the best I've had, but with
a little help, she could be.

Whoa, I don't wanna hear that.

She's got fast fingers

and a great instrument.

Her mom gave her that.

What are you talking about?

Her flute.

I teach her flute.
But, what're you talking about?

Oh, my God!

Thank you! That is so good to hear.

- Why? Do you play?
- No!

I just thought you
and Gwen were dating.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Oh, God, no.

That's hilarious that you
thought we were still dating.

- "Still"?
- Oh, yeah, we used to date.

For like, a year,
but it didn't work out.

Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap.

I would not shut up.

She hated that.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

Let me know if you ever
wanna pick up the flute.

It's just a matter
of fingering an embouchure.

Ew, stop making music sound so gross.

[WHISPERS] Did you catch any of that?

I think Terence is dating
a music teacher.

I can see you guys.

Mind you own business, Terence.

Okay, and open.

Surprise!

- [CHUCKLES]
- What is...

It's for me.

And you.

For us.

Uh-huh. And why you get
new chair for us?

It's a...

"Teaching Janet a lesson" present.

We already have chair.

Yeah, but, can that chair

do this?

Ah.

Yeah, all chair did that.

I'm not finished yet.

Hand me Appa Hopper.

[EXHALES]

Turn on TV.

And uh, you sit there.

[GROANS] Still the same.

Wait for it.

[BUZZER ON TV]

Okay, close your eye again.