03x13 - Lord of the Ring

Episode transcripts for the 2016 TV show "Kim's Convenience". Aired October 2016 - current.
"Kim's Convenience" is the funny, heartfelt story of The Kims, a Korean-Canadian family, running a convenience store in Toronto's Regent Park.
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03x13 - Lord of the Ring

Post by bunniefuu »

[MR. CHIN] Mr. Kim.

- I need your help.
- What happen?

I ate a marijuana gummy

and now I'm completely stoned up.

Marijuana gummy?

They can put marijuana
in anything now.

Candy, cookies, bongs, joints...

How you get marijuana gummy?

I found it in the restaurant.

You ate gummy you find lying around?

I'm only human, Mr. Kim.

I need compassion, not judgement.

How you know
it's not just regular gummy?

Because I've got a major
case of the munchies.

Maybe you just hungry.

And maybe my eyes
aren't completely bloodshot.

They not.

Oh, my God, there's the paranoia.

Better buy soup. You feel better.

The can's dented.

I think you hallucinate.
Better buy cookie too.

- Why are they open?
- You just do that. You don't remember?

When will this nightmare end?

- I sell you pop so you hydrate.

You're a good friend, Mr. Kim.

I know. Fifteen-fifty.

Drug is expensive habit.


Can I see?

No. Get your own panda meme.

C'mon. Please?

Well, you can see it
if you can grab...

Sorry. I really thought you were
going to keep it away from me.

Hey, I was trying.

Must be those spaghetti arms.

[SCOFFS] Can spaghetti arms
put on a g*n show like this?

Whoa. That is like -caliber
pasta right there.

You must have quite the crane pose.

A lady never tells.

Wait, what are we talking about?

It's yoga.

You should come to my class sometime.

You know, if you're interested.

Yeah. Definitely.

Well, I'll send you the deets
and maybe I'll see you there?

Not if I see you first.

Not that I'm gonna hide if I see you.

'Cause that would be insane.

So, scratch that. Wicca-wicca-wicca!


Hey. You see that meme I sent you?

And can you explain it to me?


- [GERALD] What's going on?
- [JANET] Nothing.

Just thinking of taking a yoga class.

Maybe Nathan's.

Oh. Cool.


Nothing. I just thought
like maybe you and Raj...


I mean Raj is a nice guy

but he's got his own
thing to work out, so...

- Sure.
- And Nathan's more... not engaged.


Sorry, I just got the meme.

Hi! Hope your flight was okay.

Did you watch like eight movies?

Ooh, did you have
the little hummus cup

with the flat pretzels?
Oh, my God, I love those.

Anyways, I want answers,
so call me back.

Oh, PS, it's Shannon. K, bye.

You caught me.
Personal call on company time.

But Alejandro's on business
so it kind of counts.

That's okay, I haven't paid for
a printer cartridge in years.

- What?
- Coffees!

Oh, my God, you're the best.

Terence put hot chocolate
in the coffee maker again.

Come to momma.

Hey. I won a dozen donuts!

Wow. Lucky.

And I'll gladly share them with you.

Aw. I donut know what to say.

Just don't say that again.



Aren't you gonna grab the tab?

Oh, I usually grab when I'm done.

I grabbed the tab. Grab the tab.

Fine, grabbin' the friggin' tab.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Free barbecue!

- Seriously?

[TERENCE] What's going on?

I won a free barbecue
and Kimchee won a dozen donuts!

But I'm giving Shannon half.

That's right! I won
a free barbecue and six donuts!

♪ Get your hands up!
Get your hands up! ♪

And I locked the keys in a Corolla!

♪ Get your hands up!
Get your hands up! ♪

Yobo, that's senior's lunch.

It's fine. They not even chew.

I finish dish. You lick plate.

- Hmm.
- Okay, now we go.


Ugh. Just have to say
hello to Mrs. Lee.

- Hmm.
- Hi, Mrs. Lee!

[JIMMY] Mr. Kim.

- Jimmy...
- So, you wife finally leave you, eh?

She just saying goodbye.

Yeah, goodbye to you.

Her wedding ring?
I find by kitchen sink.

Aeeshcham! Why she doing like that?

Bigger question is,

why you give to her ring like this?

It's my umma ring!

She give to me, I give to Mrs. Kim.

And she give to kitchen sink.

Well, good thing I bring to you

and not even think
of selling on Craigslist.

Yeah, okay.

- Yobo?
- Uh.

- You have everything?
- Yeah.

Nothing very important you forget?


- Really?
- Yeah.

You is one
who is always forgetting thing.

Coffee on minivan roof,
glasses on head. Let's go.

Hey, boss, here are those forms.

Figured we should each have a copy.

You know, share the wealth.


Which got me thinking.
It's funny, you know?

The harassment forms?

No, no. The contest.

I mean, technically,
the prizes belong to both of us.

- How so?
- Well, I was thinking

and I was like, "Oh, yeah",
remember, I bought both coffees.

Right, but then you gave one to me,

just like I gave you one last week.

But then I offered
to split the donuts with you.

You can't split a barbecue.

- But...

Sorry, it's Alejandro.
He's in Kuala Lumpur.

- Oh.
- Hi. Hello? Can...


- Hello? Oh...

I think you pocket dialed me.
Alejandro? Alejandro?


Sounds like someone's having fun.

Sorry. What were you saying?

You know what, it's fine,
keep the barbecue.

Well, I obviously can't keep it
now because of all this guilt.

And I obviously can't keep it
because you won't give it to me.

What, the barbecue?
I can take it off your hands.

- We could split it.
- I'm good with that.

$ ?


Um, can you turn away, please?

[SOFTLY] , ...

$ .

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

He wrote his name on all the bills.

J-dawg. What's up?

Just came by to borrow
Kimchee's yoga mat.

Found it!

Since when do you do yoga?

I don't. It was here when I moved in.

I could never get into all
that bending and singing.

There's singing?

And moaning.

It's like modern dance meets
tai chi meets sleeping.

Pick a lane, yoga.

For your information,
yoga's an amazing workout.

Gives you toned arms,
firm butt... kind eyes.

If you're lying down,
it ain't a workout.

Just 'cause you can't do it...

- Oh, I could do it.
- I know he could do it.

I don't think she could do it.

Me neither.

The yoga instructor's a friend of mine

and he invited me,
so I can totally do it.

Ooh. Janet's in love.

[JUNG] Now I'm definitely going.

- Janet's boyfriends are always hilarious.

He's not my boyfriend.

Hey, remember Shorty McWeird-Walk?

Or that guy I pushed in the pool?

- He couldn't swim!
- Yeah, he could.

You put that one guy in
a headlock for a whole party.

- He couldn't breathe.
- Yeah, he could.

- Argh!
- Fine, I won't go.

Wouldn't want
to scare off your boyfriend.

He's not my boyfriend.

And he wouldn't be
scared by you anyway.

So, what's the problem?

- There isn't one.
- Good. Let's go.

- Mmm-hmm.
- Should I bring a pillow?


Should he? Should I?

I don't know.
I didn't even open the mat.


Oh, Yobo.

How was your day?
Busy at the store? Hello.

Hi. Yeah. Very busy.
Cleaning, stocking,

help people find
what they looking for.

You work so hard.

Maybe I bring you
cookie and tea in bed.

Like in fancy hotel or hospital.

Yeah. That sound nice.
But first, relax time.



Something bother you?

Yeah. When you watching TV,

keep pants on.

And take stinky feet off the table.

Oh, my mistake. Bad husband.

Oh, you take ring off?

- Oh?
- Hmm. Finger look so funny without ring.

Oh, yeah. I just take off.

Have to, for all kind of reason.

Make sandwich, wash face, play piano.

All women do like that.

Oh. I always keep ring on.

Most important symbol
of love and commitment.

Okay, yeah, if you need me
I'm gonna be in bedroom,

bathroom, and then Janet room.

I just stay here
and watch my sport highlight.

Oh. Maybe before you put ring back on

you can make me cookie from scratch?

Hey, Janet,
these guys are going so hard.


Hey, Nathan. Waddup?

Janet, I'm glad you came.

Yeah, wouldn't miss it.

It's going to be amaze-zen.

Amazing and zen together...

- at last.
- Ugh.

"Hatha" lot of pressure.

Better make sure
I make "Na-mis-takes."

Dear god, there's two of them.

Don't worry. I'm sure you'll be great.

As long as you don't suck!

I was kidding.

She's harmless. I'm Jung, by the way.

Hey. Nathan. Welcome.

- Jung's my brother.
- Oh!

Great. Great. Well, let's get started.

[EXHALES] Welcome everyone.

Let's begin in Child's Pose.

A deep inhale and exhale...

- Janet, so you gonna ask him out?
- Shut up.

Let's get into our first downward dog,

pedaling the feet

- Hey. Ask him out now.
- [WHISPERS] Shut up.

Deep breath in and release.


Whoa, Janet! I don't think

that's what he meant by release.


No, I didn't.

It's okay, Janet.
Letting go makes us free.

Now, let's step to the top of
our mats for sun salutations.

See you.



Okay, I'm going to keep going out now.

Everything okay?

Yeah, yeah. Everything okay.
Very okay. You very okay?

Yobo, I think this
has gone on long enough.

- What you talking?
- It's so normal to make a mistake.

Like, ah, one time
I lose $ playing poker.

That is so much!
Why you doing like that?

And I break you high heel
shoe k*lling centipede.

I loved those shoes.

I know. But, if you can
forgive me for all that,

then I can forgive you for...

this one thing.

Which is...


- What something?
- You know. Just, uh, something.

But, uh, you is busy leaving and I is

busy working, so we finish talk later.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Remember, make mistake
is so normal, okay?

- See you.
- Okay, bye.

[SHANNON] Terence? What the eff?

What? I looked it up online.
It's worth .

We were being nice by not
charging you the full amount.

Which we knew. But didn't charge you.

Because we're nice, not ignorant.

Guys, I'm taking all the risk.

My name and number's on that flyer.

If I go missing, that's on me.

What's it gonna take, Terence?

You think I won't play hardball,
'cause I will.

Don't make me call your flute coach.

If this is an official offer,

I really prefer you use the number.

That's a pretty good price.

Get out of my office, Omar!

I thought we had a meeting.

Oh. Right.

[JUNG] So I felt open. I felt
like I could concentrate better.

[NATHAN] Mindfulness.

And you're totally right.

Last night after class, I just kept my

phone off and I didn't miss anything.

Gotta live in the moment.

Today's a gift, that's why
they call it the present.


I'm gonna write that on my phone.


- Hey.
- [NATHAN] Janet.

Good to see you.

Well, gotta work on these
spaghetti arms. [CHUCKLES]

Uh, we don't body shame here.

Okay, everyone. Before we begin,

let's just take
a few minutes to breathe

and release the stress of our day.

To be here, in the present moment.


- So, you gonna ask him out?
- No.

'Cause a fart ventriloquist

came along and ruined everything.

You have got to stop blaming me.

Nathan was all flirty,

but now he's Johnny bromance,
"No body shaming here, Janet."

He's actually really into you.

- Right.
- Yeah. It surprised me, too.

I came in early to talk about my core

and he was all
"Janet this" and "Janet that."

I mean, barely even
talked about my obliques.

I mean, we still did, which was great.

Are you serious?

Ah, yeah. They're a little uneven,
but there's poses for that.

- No, Nathan!
- Oh, yeah. He's a great guy.

Works out, watches what he eats.

Bit into himself, but hey,
if you got it, flaunt it.

No, don't do this.

What? He's cool, fit,
solid head of hair.

I mean, if anything, he's like me
and I'm way out of your league.

Okay. I do not want
to date my brother!

Which is what I heard
someone say once.

Okay. Um...

maybe we can talk about it more later?

Yeah, I'd like that.

Talking to you, later,
not dating my brother.

Okay, everyone,
today we're going to start...

You are such a nerd.

...as we come to lay on our...

[PASTOR NINA] Are you sure
you left it here?

Yeah, yeah. I remember
I take off to prepare food.

Pastor Nina!
Ready for our coffee date?

- You dating Jimmy Young?
- He means our therapy sessions.

Mrs. Kim, what's wrong?
You lose your ring again?


What do you know about ring?

Oh, I find by kitchen sink
last time and give to Mr. Kim.

Did he say anything
about a finder fee?

Jimmy, shall we?

I brought you these.

Well, I know what we're
talking about this session.


[KIMCHEE] Bad news, Terence.

Shannon and I submitted

our coffee receipts to the petty cash.

So, technically the prizes, including
the barbecue, belong to Handy.


And, as such, weren't ours
to sell in the first place.

Double boom.

So, you're saying as Back Manager

I can invoice all of my past snacks

for which I have kept the receipts,

a.k.a all of them.

Dammit, Terence.

Stop eating like that!

Hey, guys! We should
totally get this barbecue.

Set it up outside and,
you know, have barbecues.

It's still available.

- Yeah! But it's bucks.
- Terence won't budge.

It's too bad. A staff barbecue

would have been great for morale.

But I made an investment.

We could throw in a hundred.

- I'm in.
- Hell, yeah.

But it costs $ .

[JUNG] We got three so far.

You throw in a hundred,
we're all equal partners, T-Dog.

I'm in!

- This is gonna be fun.
- [KIMCHEE] Yeah, it is!

Do we get our hands up?

Well I'm doing it.



Uh, just, uh, tidy up, huh?

I know you like clean house, Yobo.

You had ring all this time
and you make me think I lose?

You did lose!

Yeah. Then you find and keep.
Give to me my ring.

I don't have.

Jimmy Young tell me he give to you.

He did.

And it's here.


You lose my wedding ring?

Yeah. But, uh,

I couldn't lose ring
if I don't have ring

and only reason I have ring
is because you lost first.

So whose is fault? You fault.

So... even-steven.

Not even-steven.

Maybe we both lose ring,
but you is worse

because you lie about ring.

And Umoneem give to me that
beautiful ring and now it's gone.


Maybe my umma
come back down from heaven

and take ring back
because she miss so much?


Maybe she wants you
to buy me new ring?



With gold flower in middle
of diamond circle.

But maybe not.

But maybe.

Stop eating all the chips.
We're going out.

Or we could stay in,
cancel the reservation.

Do you know how hard
this place is to get into?

Hmm. You must really like me.


I like the restaurant.


Raj! Or Doctor Mehta, sir?

Hey, Gerald. Is Janet here?

I don't know. Um...

Janet? Ra... Raj is here!

- [JANET] Oh, my God!

So, would you like
some pineapple juice?

Raj. What are you doing here?

I did it, Janet. I did it.

I broke up with Divya!

Right. For how long?

I know it took a while and it's messy

and everyone's going to freak out,

but I don't care
because I want to be with you.




This is Nathan.

This is Raj.


So, should I go? I feel like
you guys need some space.

- Thank you.
- No.

We are going to dinner.
Because we made a

reservation and so
they are expecting us.

And you can't just show up
whenever you want.

To the restaurant. Where we are going.

- Let... let's go.
- Okay.

And you can't just
spring this on someone.

I have my own life. I wasn't
just waiting around for you.

That's what this is about.

I mean, I understand what you did

was probably hard, if you did it.

- I did.
- And I'll bet Divya was...

How was Divya? No, actually no.

Now is not the time
because I am going...

Because you have a date.


Just forgot my purse.


So, how much does it cost
to cancel a wedding?

- So beautiful.
- Mmm.

No dent, no scratch.

Still, not same as Umoneem's
ring, but very beautiful.

And a good deal.

- Thanks to your bargaining.
- And you crying.


I never going to take off.

Even when I wash dish.


- Oh, look like it's...
- Laundry day.

- Can I get some...
- Change? Yeah, toonies or loonies or...

Quarters, please.

Hmm. Fun game we play, uh?
Finish each other...

Yeah, okay.

Oh! Also, I found this
behind a box of crackers.

Oh! Thank you.

My wife always losing this, huh?

Well, it's found now.

- Yobo!
- Yeah.


Nothing. Just, uh, say hello.


I give to her later.


Still just waiting for my change.

Oh, yeah.

- Quarters.
- Yeah.

But I gave you and
Shannon a hundred each.

Then you doubled the price and we

both threw the hundred back in, so...

Right. But, wait, wasn't
that my money I gave you?

Face it, Terence.
Math isn't your strong suit.

So, do we need to be here or...

- What do you mean?
- She means are you paying us?

Not technically...


See you Monday.

[JUNG] What is going on there?

The Shannon Special.

How is just ketchup special?

Ah! Don't yuck my yum.

You have terrible burger game.

It's... it's relish
and onions all the way.

Sometimes banana peppers, sometimes.

- That's a swamp burger.
- Fine.

Maybe one day I'll try one of
your ketchup monstrosities.

No time like the present.



Need to get that, or...

No. Gots to defend my burger crown.

- Game on.

No way! I won a muffin!

- Get your hands up!
- Yeah!

♪ Get your hands up,
get your hands up! ♪

♪ Get your hands up, get your... ♪

No! Wha...

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