06x03 - RAD!

[bunniefuu]

Back in the ' s, a crazy new fad

known as karaoke swept the nation.

My sister Erica was about
to discover its wonders.

Geoff, stop rearranging my nail polish.

- But you're gonna love my new system.
- Forget that.

They just opened a karaoke
place in Jenkintown.

- Kara-what?
- Oke.

It's the ancient Japanese art

of singing other people's pop songs.

- Well, what if you don't know the words?
- You don't have to.

They give them to you on a video monitor

over vaguely scenic
images of Asian models

- frolicking in the ocean.
- But what if you can't sing

- and have crippling stage fright?
- Well, that doesn't apply to me,

therefore it's a dumb
question, so let's go.

Well, you said nothing
to make me feel better,

but I sense your
enthusiasm, so let's do this.

♪ Baa-baa bamba ♪

♪ Baa-baa bamba ♪

♪ Baa-baa bamba ♪

- Nope, can't do it.
- ♪ La, la bamba ♪

[Thuds]

♪ Baa-baa-ba
la bamba ♪

Maybe she loved karaoke
a little too much.

Hey, guys. I'm glad you're having fun,

but there's a bachelorette
party over there

that is hoping to get a chance to sing.

- Wait, do you work here?
- Work and own.

- Name's Gary.
- Wait. You're the Gary Oke?

[Laughs] No, actually,
it's Gary Globberman.

Well, it's so awesome
to be singing onstage,

and all I got to do is figure
out a way to get paid for it.

Well, actually, I am
looking to hire a few people.

Wait, you'll pay me to sing here onstage

until I get discovered
by the A and R scouts

who will give me a record deal

and then I'll go solo

and leave my less-talented
band mates in the dust?

This is all happening so fast!

You're gonna be so famous!

Sure. But let's talk turkey, Gar.

So, how soon do I start my
journey to super-stardom?

Love your big dreams.

Feel free to park them in your locker

before you start your shift
as a waitress or a hostess.

Wait, I get a locker? Yes!

And everyone who works here
gets a chance to get onstage

- and hone their craft.
- That's awesome.

Or should I say...

♪ That's awesome ♪

Wait, I'm not ready to
share you with the world.

Oh, God, I'm getting woozy again.

Oh. [Thuds]

Is he okay?

Guess who got a job.

Oh.

We're hugging just like that?

You don't even want to know what it is?

You said all I need to know: job.

I'm working at Gary-Oke's.

It's a karaoke bar where people sing...

I don't care.

Oh, do I hear hugging?

Erica got a job.

- Ooh, where?
- Teriyaki's.

- Gary-Oke's.
- [Gasps]

Yeah. It's one of those places

where they chop up shrimp and throw it,

but it doesn't matter

'cause you're gonna be
making money. Hoo-hoo!

It's just a karaoke
place where people sing.

- It's no big deal.
- Oh, it's the biggest deal.

And you know Mama Bear's
gonna be right there

in the front row cheering you on.

Or you stay as far away as possible.

Or we get onstage together

and sing a Streisand duet
guaranteed to wow the crowd.

Or you stay home with
your lame mom music,

and I go onstage solo and
sing an actual crowd-pleaser

- like "Jessie's Girl."
- Or...

♪ You know I wish that
I hugged Bevy's girl ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah ♪

How do you know that song?

♪ Where can I find a
schmoopie like that? ♪

Give it to me. Give me the carrot.

- Okay.
- Give it to me.

- I'm gonna...
- Honey, let go of the car...

No. Honey, I need that for soup.

♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪

♪ But nonetheless, I
feel the need to say ♪

♪ I don't know the future ♪

♪ But the past keeps
getting clearer every day ♪

It was October th, -something,

the day Pops was about to learn

about the raddest
movie of my generation.

What you watching, kiddos?

This is "Rad,"

the story of an awesome
BMX biker named Cru Jones

who enters a corrupt promoter's

nationally televised cash-prize race.

This movie has it all: rad BMX bikers

on rad BMX bikes

doing rad BMX biking.

It's why they called it "Rad."

They literally had no choice.

Wow! That's fantastic.

I need a copy of this right away.

- I'm on it.
- Go, kiddo.

Okay, he ran off 'cause
I acted insanely excited.

- We got to talk.
- If you're here to

tell us we're impulsive idiots

and too young to get
married on a mere whim,

- then take a number.
- No.

In honor of your engagement,

I'm giving you a nice little nest egg.

Your grandfather is
giving us actual money?

- Boom!
- We're rich.

Is this money from the olden times,

'cause I have no idea
what I'm looking at.

That's a savings bond.

And with interest, one day,
it'll be worth , big ones.

What if our interest

is in getting money
right now at this moment?

You can't. Right now,
it's only worth bucks.

- Boom!
- We're rich.

No! This is your future here.

- Be responsible.
- He's right, Bar.

This is our chance to prove to everyone

we're not immature, impulsive idiots.

Yeah. We'll use it wisely.

Boom! I'll take this rad BMX bike

from the movie "Rad," please.

While my brother was
wasting his nest egg,

my sister was trying to hatch a career.

[Shutter clicks] God!

Just capturing my schmoopie's
first day on the job.

Wait. What are you wearing?

What do you me... Oh, this?

Oh, it's just an old
sweater I had laying around.

I bought it at the store.

I didn't stay up all night making it.

Stop doing what you're doing.

You are not to show up at my work

and embarrass me with
your mommish lame-osity

like you always do.

Okay, name one time I've
ever embarrassed you.

Um...

I said one.

But, okay, I get it. I'll stay away.

Promise? Like, for real promise?

Booper, you've made it very clear

what a big opportunity this is.

I promise.

- Hey, hey.
- Damn it, Frentas.

I told you to hide
under the station wagon.

- It's filthy. There's a can.
- Wait, you wanted to bring your

- lame-ass friends, too?
- Okay, fine.

We were just gonna pop in
and sing a few dozen songs.

- No big whoop.
- Mom, this dynamic

where you always barge in my life

and embarrass the crap
out of me has to stop.

I'm an adult now, and it's
time you treat me like one.

You're right.

As hard as it is to imagine,

you're not my little squish anymore.

I need to start
respecting your boundaries.

You don't do that for us, Beverly.

Shut your [bleep] mouth hole, Ginzy.

We've moved beyond mother and daughter

and are now gal pals.

That's not a thing,

but it sounds like you
may actually be on board.

I really am, gal pal.

Okay, stop saying "gal
pal," but whatever.

As long as you stay away.

Yay! Gal pals!

Okay, that's too tight.

♪ Jessie's girl ♪

♪ I want, I want Jessie's girl ♪

Ohh! Thank you. Thank you so much.

Uh, fun side note...

I actually have a friend named Jessie,

and I do indeed dangerously
pine for his girlfriend.

[Chuckles]

She will be mine one day.

- One day, she will be mine...
- Okay. Okay.

Okay, okay.

- Alarming stuff.
- Thank you.

Uh, that was last call, folks.
Thank you for coming out.

[Chuckles] Wait, you're saying

the night's actually over?

Yeah, we take our cue from Applebee's,

and they close at : .

No... I mean, my mom didn't show up,

not even in a moustache and a vest

disguising herself as a busboy.

- Wait. What?
- It's a whole thing.

The point is, she didn't show
up with all of her friends.

She listened to me and stayed away.

Kind of hoping that my employees

might actually encourage people to come.

Uh, trust me, my mom is not people.

Okay, we need to put
butts in these seats.

Even if the butts are
in ill-fitting mom jeans?

Okay, I'll tell you what.

For every customer you bring in,

you get to sing an extra song, okay?

I get it, Gar. You want mom butts,

you will have them as
far as the eye can see.

I noticed you're still chatting.

Maybe I can do an encore?

- No.
- Got you.

As Erica's new job
had already hit a low,

Barry was riding high.

- Rad!
- Barry, please tell me

you didn't just buy an
expensive Rad Mongoose bike

with our nest egg.

Actually, it was very expensive.

We agreed to be smart with our finances.

See, this is why no one
really thinks we can do this.

But we can. Now that I'm rad,

I'll be generating crazy income

by dominating Helltrack BMX races

just like in the movie "Rad."

Oh, my God. How can you be so selfish?

[Notes play]

What was that?

I farted into the couch.

Dude, you got a keytar?

[Sighs] Everyone's right.

We really are just
impulsive, immature idiots.

Don't say that. We can fix this.

I guess we could return our
stuff and get our nest egg back.

- Unless...
- Unless what?

Let's do that.

Agreed.

Pops, my old friend.

We'd like one additional
nest egg, please.

What? The nest egg is gone already?

It's been four hours.

It's kind of a funny story, really.

It's hard not to buy stuff

when you really want to buy stuff.

That's not funny or a story.

So that's a yes on giving
us a second, bigger nest egg?

That's a no!

Stop bilking the generous old man.

Why can't everyone just
throw money at our problems?

Yeah, he's right. Do that.

No, if you two want to be adults,

you're gonna have to
learn how not to spend.

Look at me. I haven't
spent in the past years.

Those are the only pants
I've ever seen you wear.

Just got the one. Don't even fit right.

So you saved money on pants.

Your wife is a shopaholic.

All Mom ever does is
spend money on hair spray

and bags of shredded cheese.

Exactly.

In every marriage, you've
got a spender and a saver.

That way, it all evens out.

Well, I love Lainey more than anything,

so I'll take the b*llet.

Baby, I'm gonna be the
penny-pinching cheapskate

just like my garbage bag of a father.

No. Barry, he's the worst.

He truly is, and I will lower myself

to his hideous, carbuncled
depths for our love.

It just fills my heart

that you'd sink so
unbelievably low for me.

It's literally impossible
to sink any lower.

I love you.

I am super angry,

but, also, I've never been more proud.

As Barry was making our
dad's dreams come true,

Erica was ready to give our
mom her greatest fantasy.

Hey, look who it is. My favorite gal pal.

You just said it. Say it again.

Say "gal pal."

No, but I did want to thank you

for actually showing me respect

and giving me the space I needed.

Well, who knew treating you
like an adult would feel so good?

Mark my words: I will never
butt into your life ever again.

Wow, those truly are words
I've always dreamt of hearing,

which makes this next part
especially hard to say,

but I need you to come to karaoke

and bring all your friends.

- Wha-dah-wha?
- I know it's really confusing,

but I want you to come to karaoke,

and you can stay as long as you want.

Daughter want time? Me-me?

Okay, I'm gonna need
you to reboot your brain,

because there will be a few
ground rules here, understood?

Ah-kuh-mon-man.
Whatta Wat?!

The general idea is you don't
embarrass me by being you.

Huh? Huh? Huh?

So that means no haranguing my boss

or complaining about the service

or sending back food or
using expired coupons,

and for God's sake, no mom dancing.

What's mom dancing?

Go on. Bust a move.

Yeah, that. None of that.

Also, there will be no
mother/daughter duets ever.

Oh, well, tell that
to the Judds, but fine.

To clarify, there's no singing at all,

because you'll just destroy the
vibe with your lame mom songs.

And what are mom songs?

Anything by Bette, Babs,

The Beach Boys, or Barry Manilow.

No doo-wop, no bebop, no power-pop,

and you know what? Just no songs at all.

No singing. Got it.

All that matters here

is I agreed to stay out of your life,

but the truth is you want me in it.

I already recognize that
this is a huge mistake.

After stupidly spending their nest egg,

Barry enrolled in the
School of the Thrifty

with Professor Dad.

Okay. Here's a list of
everything you need to know

to save a buck.

And, as an extra incentive,

for every dollar you save in this house,

I put it right in your nest egg.

- Yes! I'm gonna be a savings tycoon.
- Okay.

Well, number-one drain on
your wallet, air conditioning.

- Really? Since when?
- Oh, my God!

That's why I'm always
screaming about the thermostat.

- You do?
- That's all I do!

I've honestly never
heard you say anything

about the thermostat, ever.

You know no one touches that thermostat.

Don't touch the damn thermostat.

Thermostat.
Thermostat.

Thermostat.

You people really don't listen.

- But I'm almost listening now.
- Good.

Because this next one's
a biggie: electricity.

No more highfalutin microwave.

But heating up a pizza in the oven

takes six more agonizing minutes.

Would you rather have a slow pizza

- or money for more pizza?
- Hold on.

Are you saying if I save
money, I'll have more of it?

It seems obvious, but yes.

Okay, next, always save water.

Wait, isn't water free
'cause God makes it?

No, dumb-dumb.

A water bill can cost a fortune.

So get used to cold showers,

dry-brushing your teeth,

and only flushing in emergencies.

How do you know if it's an emergency?

Oh, you'll know.

So, just like that,

Barry took to being a frugal Murray.

And he was not kidding around.

Hey, I was playing a game!

Read a book.

No one was spared.

Hi-yah! No sinks.

Water costs money.

But I'm gotta take a pill.

Choke it down dry, old man.

We're all about savings in this house.

Hey! No one touch the thermostat!

It's fall, which means
it's basically summer.

Finally, I know what
it's like to be a father.

While Barry was becoming my dad,

my mom was trying to be a good gal pal.

♪ La, la, la, la, la bamba ♪

♪ Ba, la, la, la, la, la bamba ♪

Hi, strange newcomers.

I'm Erica, your waitress.

So nice to meet you, Stranger Erica.

Here's an order of
wings to keep you busy

and a list of songs that
you won't be performing.

[Chuckles] By chance,

would you reconsider
your poopy-pants stance

on mother/daughter duets?

Odd question from someone I just met,

but not a chance in hell.

What about the rest of us?

Yeah, that's a polite
pass, Stranger's friend.

Um, because if you sing,
then my mom will sing.

- So true.
- %.

But you are free to look at the people

who are singing and wish it was you.

Enjoy.

- Well, this sucks.
- No, it's fun.

We're all just here being
gal pals, including Erica.

Now, let's just enjoy our chicken wings.

Ooh, which are ice cold
and need to be sent back.

No, no, no. [Chuckles]

Must resist being embarrassing.

Hello, ladies.

I see you haven't signed up.

Want to make sure we pick a fun one.

Well, we'd love to, but we can't.

Oh, come on. No judgment here.

Let me put you down for a song.

No, you don't understand.

When we can't sing, we
mean we're not allowed.

- Shh!
- [Laughing] Who told you that?

- No one.
- It wasn't our waitress.

- It was your waitress?
- No, it's fine.

We'll just sit and eat our
cold, poorly sauced wings.

I could take those back.

Bevy, stop him. We're not allowed.

Hey, Erica.

Seems to be a little
misunderstanding here.

With who? With them?

I've never even met
this blond-haired mom-woman

and her mom-looking friends.

Hi, I'm Erica.

Okay, why don't you get
them some fresh wings

and sign them up for a song, okay?

Sounds great, Gar. I
can take it from here.

Good.

Oh, my God.

- You complained about me to my boss?
- No, schmoopie, I swear,

- I did not mean to do it.
- Save it.

Honestly, in your long
history of mortifying me,

this leaps to the top of the charts.

My God. I just can't win with you.

I've been a great gal pal all night,

and it still isn't enough.

You want to be a real gal pal?

Go home.

[Sighs]

Freeze, Frentas!

We're not going anywhere.

It's time to karaoke.

But Stranger Erica told us not to.

She thinks I embarrass her on purpose?

[Scoffs] She ain't seen nothin' yet.

- Ooh.
- [Laughs]

Is it here?

Please tell me the
electricity bill is here

and I'm stinking rich.

Oh, it's here, and you saved like a pro.

[Gasps] How much did
I make for my nest eggs?

$ , ? $ , ?

- You saved bucks.
- What?!

I've been up everyone's ass
for days. I damaged every

- relationship I had to save money.
- I know!

Damaging relationships
is just the bonus.

You've got a real problem, man.

[Door opens] Hello.

Guess who just upgraded

to a funky-ass new CASIO
keytar with built-in MIDI box.

I don't know what
that is, but by chance,

was it free or very cheap?

No. It was a completely
reckless purchase.

Being the spender in the
relationship is super fun.

And being the saver's even better.

So, give it to me. How
much we put away this week?

Well, it's a number between
seven and a million dollars.

- Is it seven?
- It's six.

That's one worse than seven,

and you didn't even
give it as an option!

I know! Living within our means sucks.

Totally. But isn't there another way?

Of course there is.

We keep living extravagantly,

and when we do need money,
we quickly earn a ton of it.

Aww, Bar. You've never made more sense.

He's making no sense.

But to them, it made perfect sense.

With Lainey's new keytar and
Barry's rad biking skills,

they'd be rich in no time.

[Grunts]

Rad!

I'm okay!

Don't stop rolling, Ad Rock!

This video's gonna get me
on the national Rad circuit!

You got it, pal. That's
for sure a real thing.

And so, Barry decided to
double down on his BMX dreams.

Meanwhile, my mom and the Frentas

were living out their karaoke fantasies,

but to Erica, it was a nightmare.

It was an embarrassing medley
of mom singing and dancing.

They did the Thriller,

the Safety Dance,

and whatever this was.

They even took stage time
away from the regulars.

But then she brought the regulars up.

And the ultimate
embarrassing mom move,

- pulling Erica's boss onstage.
- Come on, Gary.

Oh, no, no!

♪ Holding her in his arms ♪

♪ Late, late at night ♪

♪ You know I wish that
I had Jessie's girl ♪

♪ Wish that I had Jessie's girl ♪

[Cheers and applause]

Well, you single-handedly
ruined karaoke for me

and greater suburban Philadelphia.

That's all I ever do, ruin everything.

You promised to behave and
not act anything like you,

and I was stupid enough to believe it.

You know, no matter how hard I try,

you will always see the worst in me.

How can I treat you with respect

when you don't even have a shred for me?

What the hell just happened
to our best customers?

They're not customers.

They're a bunch of yentas
led by my mortifying mom,

and I mean mortifying.

Although you find your mom embarrassing,

you know who doesn't?

Everybody else.

The good news is, everything
changes when you grow up.

Guess you're not there yet.

Desperate to earn back
his nest egg with Lainey,

Barry bet on BMX with some cool tricks.

Only problem, he sucked a lot.

Pop-a-wheelie!

Foot jam to fakie!

Ninja drop!

Regular bicycling.

Backflip off the bench!

That one was actually not good.

All right, stop.

Just stop.

Look, everyone else is
trying to spare your feelings,

but let me be the one who says it.

You two are not ready for marriage.

But we're madly in love.

Love? What does love
have to do with marriage?

Everything?

Marriage is about money
and responsibility,

and you two don't have a shred of it.

This is why no one believes in you two.

You know, it doesn't matter
that no one believed in us,

'cause we believed in ourselves.

But thanks for taking that away.

I think I should stop recording.

It stopped being funny.

Thanks for nothing, Dad.

Mur, need I remind you,

people had concerns when you
and Bevy first got together...

Mainly me.

Only difference is, I
wasn't a total moron.

You had no ambition.

I had to give you a job
in my store, remember?

Face it. You were
just as young and dumb,

but I didn't care, 'cause
you loved my daughter,

and that's all that matters.

♪ Jessie is a friend, yeah ♪

♪ I know he's been a
good friend of mine ♪

♪ But lately something's changed ♪

Hey, can we talk?

I'm done talking and hoping

and trying to make
things better between us.

I'm just done.

♪ And she's watching
him with those eyes ♪

You're mad. I get it.

All I do is complain
about how lame you are

when, really, I'm the lame one.

Please. You don't really believe that.

No, I really do.

You were able to look at me

as something other
than your little girl,

but I couldn't see you
as anything but my mom.

You know, I'm proud to be your mom.

So if this is the way it has
to be, I can live with it.

Well, I can't.

Truth is, you have way more to offer

than I give you credit for.

That is the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.

♪ 'Cause she's watching
him with those eyes ♪

What are gal pals for?

♪ And she's loving him with
that body, I just know it ♪

I love you so, so much,
my sweet little gal pal.

That day, my mom finally
got the duet she wanted.

♪ You know I wish that
I had Jessie's girl ♪

♪ I wish that I had Jessie's girl ♪

♪ Where can I find
a woman like that? ♪

As for Barry, he finally realized

my dad was just looking
out for him and Lainey.

What you doing?

Typing a "for sale" ad
for a rad bike and keytar.

We're selling them as a set,
'cause it just makes sense.

No.

Don't sell the stupid
bike and weird chest piano.

We can't keep 'em.

You said love isn't enough.

I guess I forgot...

In the beginning, love
is all that matters.

Here.

What is this?

I opened up a savings account for you.

I already put in the
bucks that you earned,

and I doubled it.

bucks is hardly a nest egg.

You got plenty of time
to be a saver like me.

What's important now

is to build a life
with the girl you love.

As much as my dad loved saving money,

he realized you can't
put a price on love.

Truth is, the best thing to invest in

are the people by your side,

'cause in the end, they're
the people who back you up

and make sure that you
never have to go solo.

_

♪ La, la, la, la, la bamba ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la bamba ♪

[Ding!]

♪ And she's lovin' him with
that body, I just know it ♪

♪ And he's holding her in his arms ♪

♪ Late, late at night ♪

♪ You know I wish that I had ♪

- ♪ Jessie's girl ♪
- ♪ Bevy's girl ♪

♪ I wish that I had ♪

- ♪ Jessie's girl ♪
- ♪ Bevy's girl ♪

- Mom.
- I baked her in my belly.

♪ Where can I find
a woman like that? ♪

It really is a great song.

♪ Where can I find
a woman like that? ♪

Yeah, it really is.