04x07 - President Fuller

[bunniefuu]

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ Oh ♪

[Carly Rae Jepsen]
♪ Whatever happened to predictability? ♪

♪ The milkman, the paperboy,
the evening TV? ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ Everywhere you go ♪

♪ There's a heart, there's a heart,
a hand to hold on to ♪

♪ Everywhere you look,
everywhere you go ♪

♪ There's a face, there's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪

♪ There's a heart ♪

♪Everywhere you look, yeah ♪

♪ When you're lost out there,
and you're all alone ♪

♪ A light is waiting to carry you home ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ Oh ♪

Welcome back
to the Max Fuller Experience.

I have received a package
that's going to blow your mind.

Ahh...

nothing like that new-vest smell.

This is what's on
your YouTube kids' channel?

Dozens of videos of you
opening boxes?

Riveting, isn't it?

Deej, it's called unboxing.
It's mesmerizing.

Says the woman who spent an afternoon
at 7-Eleven watching the hot dogs rotate.

In my defense, that was the day
I accidentally ate one of your "brownies."

And ended up dancing onstage
with the Grateful Dead.

Okay, wait. So the kids at your school
actually watched this 200 times?

Ah, Mom, Mom, Mom.

You don't get
the modern entertainment landscape.

Well, why don't you channel your energy

to influence people
in a more meaningful way?

More meaningful than unboxing vests?

Max, come on.
Hey, your school elections are coming up.

Why don't you run for class president?
And I'll help you.

I was fourth-grade president.

-Oh, boy.
-Here we go.

♪ Hey-hey, ho-ho,
cast your vote for Donna Jo ♪

Well, I am a natural-born leader.

And being president is a logical step
towards becoming king.

Thanks, Mom.

I feel like, in the future,

someone's gonna build a time machine
to come back and stop this exact moment.

♪ Hey, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Hey-hey, ho-ho,
no one folds like Donna Jo ♪

What brings you guys by?

Do I need a reason to visit?

You're my daughter. I love you.

He accidentally drove here
instead of his own house.

I just needed to see a happy face

after such a long
and annoying day at work.

What's wrong? You're not
moving back in here, are you?

I'm frustrated with all the puff pieces
our producer makes us do.

It's always cute babies
and dogs with sunglasses.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, I love dogs in sunglasses.

Especially when they moonwalk.

Hi, CJ. Come on in.

It's really great to see you.

Just making sure
Rose is dropped off safely.

-It's done. Bye.
-Oh, you know, CJ, I--

-I've been meaning to talk to you.
-Uh-huh.

Bye.

She must have been in a hurry.

No. It's just still awkward
since you ruined her wedding and all.

Well, uh... please let her know
that she's welcome to come in anytime.

I would, but I'm not allowed
to use your name in the house.

Or use the letters D or J.

Well, it's always great to see you, too,
Rose. Max is upstairs.

Ow. Things are still frosty
between you and CJ, huh?

Yeah.

You haven't been able to reach out to her?

She doesn't want anything to do with me.

This is the first time
she's come to the door.

Maybe that means
she's almost ready to talk about it.

Maybe that means
she finally found a parking spot.

You know, I've written at least
a dozen e-mails,

and I haven't had the courage
to hit "send."

I want her to know that...

I'm sorry that I hurt her.

I know it's hard, but clearly
you're not gonna be able to move on

unless you get
some kind of closure on this.

Thanks, Dad.

Oh, if you do speak to her,
find out who colors her hair.

She looks terrific.

So, what'd you think
of my unboxing video?

Is it me, or did I reach down deep
and find a little something extra?

I usually find the genre to be banal,
but with you, it's oddly tolerable.

Oh, you know, I was thinking.
I'm already the voice of the people.

Why not be their leader, too?
I'm running for class president.

You can't. You know
I'm running for president.

My every move since kindergarten

has been carefully planned
leading up to this moment.

You think I like
playing on the monkey bars? No.

That's where the votes are.

But it's time for an outsider,

a man ready to take on special interests
like Big Lunch Lady.

You're unqualified and have
a zero percent chance of winning.

But if you insist on running against me,

I'll have no choice
but to put our relationship on hold.

Wait. Are you dumping me?

And defeating you. Good day.

-But wait.
-I said, "Good day, sir."

Another successful Gibbler-style party.

And they loved
the musical stylings of Aunt Steph.

Yeah. You know, I might leave out
the crowd-surfing next time, though.

Six-year-olds don't have
the proper upper-body strength.

You pack up. I got to go play Skee-Ball.

Fifteen more tickets, and I win
that sweet Chinese finger trap.

"Music by Aunt Steph."

Who the [honk] is Aunt Steph?

I am.

I've never heard of an Aunt Steph.

Not cool, clown.
Who do you think you are?

I'm Sudsy the Entertainer.

Oh, Sudsy, where are your bubbles?

I don't do bubbles.
Bubbles are for hacks.

But your name's Sudsy.

I come from a long line
of blackout drunks.

But I love the kids.

Mm.

Listen, sweetheart,
take a tip from the king.

The kid party circuit -
it ain't for the weak.

Now pull my finger and scram.

Do not call me "sweetheart."

And why don't you pull your own finger?

You just snapped the wrong suspenders.

♪ Hey, hey ♪

[chuckling]

What's so funny?Ha ha ha. I see.

Nachos. Ha ha ha.

No, no.
I got in an argument with a clown.

Not just some idiot that wears flip-flops
and quotes Entourage,

but like a real actual clown.

Good one.
That's even funnier than the nachos.

Oh. What was this creep's name, huh?

-Sudsy the Entertainer.
-Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

The Sudsy? Rainbow wig,
size 46 shoe, size 46 waist?

He's my personal hero
and my dad's sponsor.

He's performed at all my birthday parties
up until age 29.

[clicks tongue]

Jimmy, honey, you're only 28.

Well, I've got him booked for next March.

Told you, Steph. You do not
wanna be on Sudsy's bad side.

Who takes a kids' party so seriously?
I mean, this is some silly side hustle.

Not for Sudsy.
He graduated with honors from Kazoo U.

And he got his PhWee
from Hardy Har Harvard.

I am not afraid of some clown, all right?
Let him come find me.

A clown has pledged a vendetta
against you?

Everyone, pack our things. We're moving.

Wait. Hold on. Fernando...
are you afraid of clowns?

How are you not afraid of clowns?

-Aunt Steph, this just got delivered.
-Mm. What's this?

[gasps]

It's a clown message.

Sudsy knows where you live.

And that's how you make
paper carnations.

And that's how you make
a better paper carnation.

That's all the time we have today,
but we'll be back tomorrow to help you...

[both] wake up, San Francisco.

[outro music plays]

Flowers made out of tissues?

Why don't I go outside
and blow my nose in a bush?

Great show.

Even better than last week's show -
"Hooray for Hummus."

Yeah, Karen, about that. Um...

I'm not happy and neither is Becky.

I thought you were gonna talk to her first
and I was gonna see how it goes.

We want to do stories
a little more serious than today's piece.

"Fidget spinners - Where are they now?"

Seriously, where are they?
We didn't even answer.

I agree a hundred and ten percent.

In fact, I have a piece lined up
about preventive health care.

Fantastic. We're ready
to roll up our sleeves and get to work.

Well, actually,
you'll have to roll down your pants,

because one of you is getting
a colonoscopy on live television.

Not it.

-Danny it is.
-Danny, you're the winner.

I don't feel like a winner.

Here. You drink this colon cleanser
before tomorrow's procedure.

"High volume, high velocity?"

Are they sending my colon to the moon?

Wait, Becky.
Don't you wanna hear more?

♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

And that's how you make
a paper carnation.

Big flower.

Yes, it's a big flower.
Now help me unfold this thing.

Let's stuff it back in the tissue box.

Hey, Dad. Forgot where you live again?

No. I just came by
to check on my daughter.

So, did you ever reach out to CJ?

Yes. Actually, I'm taking your advice,
and I put together an apology gift basket

with a note inviting her to coffee
so we could talk things over.

Good for you.

Nothing says I'm sorry
like a basket of salami.

Hey, since I'm here, do you mind
if I, uh, alphabetize your spice rack?

Can I do anything to stop you?

Hey, guys. What are you up to?

We're gonna film Max's campaign
announcement for class president.

Yeah, that's top-secret info
until the announcement drops.

So don't tell
any of your fourth-grade friends.

Oh, my son running for class president.

I haven't been this proud
since I was class president.

Did I mention I was class president?

-Yes.
-Yes.

Okay, let's get this campaign started.

Max Fuller
is running for class president.

I'm on the campaign trail
and kissing babies.

Okay, take a hike, kid.

Now let's talk about my opponent -
Rose Harbenberger.

Wait. Whoa, whoa.

Um, you're running against Rose?

Yes. It's very Shakespearean.

But that is the daughter of the woman
I'm trying to make amends with.

I just spent $50 on salami.

I mean, can't you run for something else?
We put that poor family through enough.

"We"?

Oh, hey, Dad.

-I dropped off CJ's gift basket, but I--
-Not a good time.

Oh. Hey, Steph, what's this?

-Tommy's potty chair for the garage sale.
-I'll take it.

Dad, that's my room.

Don't come down for an hour.

♪ Doo-dwee-ooh ♪

Uno.

No, Jimmy, honey, we're playing gin.

Then I fold.
I thought we were playing strip poker.

Put your watch back on.

I can't control myself
around your naked wrist.

[banging]

What was that?

[gasps]

Why are there pies on the door?

That is clown pie.

-It's Sudsy.
-No. It couldn't be Sudsy.

He's got the biggest heart in the world.
He got it from a baboon.

Then how do you explain these?

Clown shoe prints.

Sudsy, take the blonde girl.
We're innocent.

[intro music plays]

Welcome back, San Francisco.
As promised, today,

Danny will be getting a colonoscopy
live on television.

Believe it or not,
this isn't the first time

I've done this show without pants.

And here's the actual camera
we'll be using to film the procedure.

What? Are you filming this in IMAX?

-No, just kidding. Joke from the crew.
-Ha ha.

Here is the real camera.

Is that a camera,
or you gonna check my tire pressure?

Danny has been given a topical anesthetic,
so he will be feeling zero pain.

Whoa. While you're up there,
why don't you try and find the remote?

In all seriousness, there is no substitute
for preventative health care.

-In fact, each year--
-Oh, Danny,

I hate to interrupt
this public service, but...

there's a developing situation.

We're gonna have to do the colonoscopy
again another time.

There's a raccoon loose at City Hall.

A raccoon?
But I've got a camera loose in my--

-Ahem. Talk to me.

I've got bad news and bad news.

Okay, give me the bad news.

First bad news -
somehow I got roped into conducting polls

for a fourth-grader's
presidential campaign.

And the other bad news -
you're getting k*lled.

What? But I'm running a positive message.
My mom promised it would work.

My focus group shows
that people think, and I quote,

"Max's campaign seems like
it's being run by a mom."

-Even the monkey-bar people?
-Especially the monkey-bar people.

[gasps] I even lost the swing vote.

Aw, and after all that time
I spent pushing that kid.

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

[laughter]

[laughs]

[guitar plays]

What's that?

Hey, everybody. It's Rock 'n' Roll Barbie.

Actually, the name is Aunt Steph,
but I don't hate Rock 'n' Roll Barbie.

Clearly someone didn't get my message.

Oh, you think I'm gonna be scared off
by a couple of clown pies?

No. I'm not giving up without a fight.

Are you challenging me to a party battle?

Now that I know that's a thing, yes.

Playtime is over.

Malcolm, get my accordion.

[accordion music]

[guitar music]

[accordion]

[guitar]

[accordion]

[guitar]

-[accordion]
-[guitar]

You win.

My baboon heart can't take this stress.

Ha ha. You wanted the best,
you got the best.

[cheering]

Show's over, kids.

Grab your cake and your goodie bags
and hit the bricks.

Or have your parents pick you up.
I don't care.

You got guts, kid.
You're gonna make it after all.

I'll see you around the punch bowl,
Aunt Steph.

Hey, kid. Here.

Gee, thanks, Sudsy.

Wow, that's a lot of clown sweat.

Hey, hon. I know Sudsy's your hero,
but it meant a lot that you had my back.

Of course I have your back.
Sudzy's the b*mb, but I love you.

I had no idea
these gigs were so important to you.

I guess they really are.

I get to make music and make kids happy.

I kind of love that.

That's awesome, Aunt Steph.

I'm gonna have you perform
at my birthday party.

Oh. That's sweet, Jimmy.

You can still have Sudzy.

Oh, thank God.

[chuckles]

[doorbell rings]

It's always open.

-Oh, CJ, hi.
-We need to talk.

Oh, I'm so glad
you changed your mind.

-You must've gotten my note.
-This is about Max.

Max? Oh.
Then I guess we can talk about that first.

Please come in.

I want to talk to you
about the campaign Max is running.

Oh, yeah. Isn't it terrific?
I've been involved from the get-go.

Oh. So you're the one
trashing my daughter.

Should've known.

Wait. Trashing your daughter?

He's been passing out
bookmarks and raisins.

Watch this ad.

[announcer] How much do we really know
about Rose Harbenberger?

She said she was going to donate
her Tooth Fairy money to the pet shelter,

but there are still stray dogs everywhere.

What happened to the money, Rose?
The voters deserve to know.

Rose Harbenberger - wrong about puppies,
wrong about America.

I'm Max Fuller,
and I approved this message.

[dramatic music plays]

Max, get in here.

Oh. Hello, Rose.

Max, I am appalled at your video.

That is not the campaign we worked on.

The things that you said about Rose
are not okay.

Friends don't make up stuff
to hurt each other.

She hurt my feelings. She dumped me
and said I wouldn't be a good leader.

Rose, did you say that?

It's possible that I was less than kind.

He just ran against me
without thinking about my feelings.

I did what I needed to do to win.

Wouldn't you rather present yourself
as someone who can do good

rather than att*ck Rose?

If I did that, she would win,
because she'd be a better president.

Oh. Well, if you think that,

then maybe
you shouldn't be running for this office.

Especially if it means giving up
your friendship with Rose.

Rose, I'm dropping out of the race.

I hope you can accept my apology.

That's very big of you, Max.

So, now that we're no longer
political adversaries,

could we get back together?

Oh, Max. Yes.

Madam President,
let's go stick it to Big Lunch Lady.

Uh, thank you, D.J. I will see myself out.

Oh, please. CJ, I'd really like to
talk about what happened in Japan.

Oh... you're doing this.

Okay.

I am... so sorry.

I wish that I could have sorted out
my feelings for Steve sooner.

I know I hurt you.

Look...

I, uh, I was...

mad and embarrassed.

It was really hard for a while.

But if you hadn't ruined my wedding,

I would have married a man
who wasn't really in love with me.

I'm glad I found out
before we got married.

Thank you for being so kind.

You have every right not to be.

I'm happy. And I'm in a good place... now.

And I'm glad that you and Steve
are so happy together, too.

Thank you.

Hey, you know,
next time you bring Rose over,

maybe you could...

come inside
instead of dropping her off at the curb.

You know, I think I'd like that.

How about next Tuesday?

The door is always open.

Aw, man. I showed up
at the wrong house again.

[Carly Rae Jepsen] One, two, three, four

♪ Oh ♪

[theme music playing]

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ Oh ♪