01x10 - A Thanksgiving Story

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

Doctor Wan wants those blood
panels back, stat.

[phone ringing]

Student health center?

Yeah, I'll transfer you.

Hey, Kelly.

Hey, Zack.
What are you doing here?

Can't a friend just
visit a friend?

What do you want, Zack?

That $20 you borrowed from me.

The guys and I are going to
that new club, Skeeters.

Oh, I'm really sorry, Zack.

- I'm broke.
- Oh, don't worry about it.

I'll get money from Screech.

I'll just sell him a few more
shares of Zack Industries.

He's still falling for that?

Oh, yeah.

He just keeps wanting to know
when we're having our company picnic.

Kelly?
I've got an emergency here.

Hold this pressure point while
I give him a sh*t of adrenalin.

Ooh. You know,
I-- I can see you're busy.

I better be going.

Thanks, Zack.
You're a real friend.

Hey, Kel.
You can always lean on me.

Excuse me a moment.

I'll be right back.

♪ I'm standing
at the edge of tomorrow, ♪

♪ and it's all up to
me how far I go ♪

♪ I'm standing at the
edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ I've never seen
such a view before, ♪

♪ a new world before my eyes ♪

♪ So much for me to explore ♪

♪ It's where my future lies ♪

♪ Today, I'm standing at
the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ From here, the future
looks bright for me ♪

♪ And it's all up to
me how far I go ♪

♪ It's my time to break away ♪

♪ I'm standing at the edge
of tomorrow today ♪

It was amazing.

The guy had multiple contusions.

But by holding his
hand and talking to him,

I helped him
from going into shock.

Now he'll be up and
around in no time.

How can you be sure?

He asked for my phone number.

Well, I got a new job too,

and I will be helping
humanity in my own way.

Yeah?
What are you doing?

I'm going to be a waitress.

You know, I hear that's
how Mother Teresa started,

serving brewskies
at TGI Friday's.

Yeah, joke all you want,

but someone has to serve
pretzels and nachos to the needy.

And more importantly, I hear that
you can make up to $150 a night

with tips down at Skeeters.

Wow, I don't make that in a
week at the health center.

I can't believe you're actually
considering working at Skeeters.

Do you know what kind
of guys go there?

(TOGETHER) Skeeters,
Skeeters, Skeeters.

Whoo.

Man, what a great place, huh?

Yeah, everything
a man could want --

loud music, quality
fried foods, 38-inch TVs.

38-inch waitresses.

Yeah.

Oh, come on, Slater.

Those girls were taller
than that.

I figured you guys were a
little classier than Skeeters.

(TOGETHER) Wrong.

Now, Leslie, I myself
struck up an acquaintance

with an upstanding young
waitress named Debbie.

She called me Sugar Britches.

Of course she called
you Sugar Britches.

You tipped her $11 for
directions to the men's room.

Hey, I had 14 Frescas.
It was worth it.

So, did you have a fun time
at that meat market?

Huh, Slater?

Oh, uh, Alex, it's
not a meat market.

It's more of a sports bar.

I wouldn't even say bar.

It's more of a sports bistro.

Well, that's OK.

I'm just glad that you
had a good time.

Really?
You're not jealous?

Not at all.

That's why I'm applying to be
a waitress at Skeeters.

What?

You're gonna work at
that meat market?

I prefer to think of
it as a meat bistro.

- [knocking]
- Guys, guess what?

Both defensive tackles for
the 49ers got injured.

Man, football's a rough game.

Well, actually they collided on
the bus fighting for a window seat.

NFL action -- it's fantastic.

But here's the real news --

the 49ers want me
to try out for the team.

- Oh yeah?
- Hey, that's great, Mike.

This is a chance for a comeback.

Forget it.
I'm not making a comeback.

I'm just flattered
that they asked.

Wait, Mike, are you crazy?

You've got to try out.

This is a chance for you to
relive the glory days.

Come on, just picture it, Mike.

The roar of the crowd.

- Rah!
- Hey!

Whoo!

- Hey!
- Hey!

Whoo!

Ah, who am I kidding?
I'm too out of shape.

- Aw, Mike.
- Come on.

OK, but I'm going to have to rewrite
the ending of your autobiography.

What do you mean?

"Mike Rogers, the
Wussy Years."

I am not a wussy.

I'm just a guy who won't
play football because he's

too busy doing his school work.

Boy, that sure sounds like
a wussy, doesn't it?

Well, if your pants were
a few inches shorter,

you could
be our leader.

Now, let me think about this.

- It would be a challenge.
- Uh-huh.

Show those young guys
I can still do it.

Yeah.

It's always fun to
cr*ck a few heads.

- That's the spirit.
- There you go.

- I'm going for it.
- Yeah.

- All right, Mikey.
- Now you're talking.

Hey, and by the way -- since you
guys are so gung-ho about this,

you can help me work out.

Football field,
5:00 a.m., be there.

5:00 a.m.?

I don't think my clock
has a 5:00 a.m.

I still can't believe you're
going to interview at Skeeters.

Oh, Leslie.
It is just a job.

I will always have
my self-esteem.

So, how do I look?

Like a bimbo.

Perfect.

Skeeters? Is this what our mothers
b*rned their bras for in the '60s?

You know, my mother
once b*rned a bra.

She fell asleep and the
Virginia Slim fell out of her mouth.

Never mind.

Zack, what's the element
symbol of iridium?

- Ir.
- How about sodium?

- Na.
- How do you remember all this?

Well, I name them after
the girls I've dated.

Ir is Iris, and Na is Nancy.

Zack, that's great, but
there's 103 elements.

What can I tell you?
I'm good at chemistry.

I've got to start focusing if
I want to ace this test.

Oh yeah?

When did you become so involved
with chemistry?

Since I started working
at the health center.

You know, I know this
sounds crazy coming from me,

but I've been thinking
about maybe possibly

going pre-med.

- Pre-med?
- Yeah.

As in medicine?

Yeah.
What's wrong with that?

Well, Kelly, no offense, but you
don't exactly seem the doctor type.

I mean, remember CPR class?

Your dummy d*ed.

Zack, I know becoming
a doctor is not easy,

but I just
don't want to sell myself short.

Well, yeah, as your
friend, I have to tell you.

Medical school's tough.
You're talking 10 years.

I'm not sure you're
being realistic.

Yeah, well, it was
just a thought.

Hey, I know the feeling, Kel.

When I was a kid, I wanted
to be an astronaut.

And then I threw up all
over Space Mountain.

I need an order of potato
skins on table nine.

So how's your first night, kid?

Drafty.

You get used to it.

Did you hear about
the Skeeters dip?

Is that the stuff that they
pour all over the nachos?

No, no one knows what that is.

Skeeters dip is when the guys
knock stuff off the table on purpose.

Now, the ladylike thing to do
is to pick it up like this.

Oh, I can do that.

Not if you want to make
tips you won't.

Hey, you're new here.

What's your name?

- Alex.
- Alex.

Ahem.

Alex, you were flirting
with that guy.

I told him my name.

And you gave him free peanuts.

Everybody gets free peanuts.

Here, have some.

I don't want your peanuts after all
these other guys have touched them.

Hey, Slater.

Never knew Alex had
legs like that.

Hey, my girlfriend does
not have legs.

And stay away from
those peanuts.

- Hi, Debbie.
- Well, hi, Sugar Britches.

I'll be with you one
in one minute.

She wants me bad.

Frescas all around.

- Hey, Screech.
- Huh?

If I'm not back in four years,
send my diploma to her house.

Pardon me, but a body like
yours is a felony in most states.

But if you turn around, I'll let
you off on good behavior.

Kelly?

Kelly, what are you doing here?

What does it look
like I'm doing?

I'm working.

I know, but here at Skeeters?

It's not your kind of place.

Well, you seemed to
think so a minute ago

when you hit on me with
that lame come-on line.

It wasn't that lame.

And don't change the subject.

You shouldn't be here.
I mean you're Kelly.

My Kelly. Girls like you
don't work at Skeeters.

Zack, I'm a big girl now.

You can't tell me where
I can work.

Besides, I'm the same
girl I always was.

Another round here, sweet thing.

It's on its way, love bug.

Love bug?

Here you go.

Would you like an
appetizer to nibble on?

No, you'll do just fine.

Very funny. So do you
want the potato skins?

Well, that depends.

If I give you my
address, will you deliver?

- Ooh!
- [chuckling]

Aren't you guys cute?

Oops.
I, uh, dropped my keys.

Um, Debbie will be along to
pick them up in a moment.

Oh, Debbie?

Can I have a club soda, please?

I am tired of you guys
hitting on me.

- Now leave me alone.
- What are you, crazy?

I'm gonna tell the manager.

Good. And while you're
there, tell him I quit.

Oh, there you are, Debbie.

You know, for a minute there I
thought you were avoiding me.

Oh don't be silly.

Sugar Britches, you
are my favorite.

I knew that.

Here, have some money.

Screech, do you know how
many shares of Zack Industries

you could have bought with that?

I don't care.

I love this place.

You know, Zack, someday
I'm gonna tell my kids,

this is where I met your mommy.

- [whistle]
- Come on, guys, wake up.

It's comeback time for Mikey.

Oh, come on, Screech.

It's 5:00 in the morning.

Exactly, let's go.

Kelly, I don't think this job at
Skeeters is such a good thing for you.

And what are you, my mother?

Look, the pay is great.

I made over $100 last night.

But you already had the job at
the student health center.

That job doesn't even
pay for my books.

People on liquid diets
generally aren't good tippers.

But it's important work, and a job
should be about more than money.

Oh, really? And what
do you know about work?

I mean, you come from money.

You've never earned a dime.

Yes, I have.

Dad bought me some stock,
and it went up.

Gee, is there a union for that?

OK, so maybe I haven't
worked, but I could.

Fine.

Look, I can't hold down both
jobs and go to school.

So why don't you fill in for me
at the health center for a while?

You know, give me a chance to
really make some bucks?

All right, I will.

I mean how hard could it be?

When you're done with those,
you can start on these.

Sure, no problem.

Everything's under control.

Good.

In that case, go collect all
the bed pans on the third floor.

Bed pans?

Don't we have people
who do that?

Yes, you're them.

Hey, Leslie.

Zack?
What happened?

Oh, I was playing
football with Mike.

There was a fumble.
I fell on the ball.

Slater fell on me.

Mike fell on him.

I think I've now experienced
what childbirth feels like.

Well, where exactly
does it hurt?

I can't tell you.

Isn't there a guy here
I could talk to?

Well, I'm afraid not.

You know, all of a sudden
I'm feeling much better.

See?

So, what are you doing
here anyway?

Where's Kelly?

Well, she asked me to
fill in for her here.

I never knew working
was such -- work.

Oh, well, don't worry about it.

She loves her job.
She'll be back.

- Hey, Kelly.
- Hey.

Kelly, I am so glad you're back.

There are bed pans to be emptied
on the third floor.

Well, you better get started

because I just came by to pick
up my last paycheck.

I'm quitting.

From now on I'm only going
to work at Skeeters.

- [knocking]
- Wish me luck, guys.

I guess I'm off for my tryout.

Mike, wait a second.

What is wrong with you, Mike?

You gotta get your game
face on, man.

You're going into w*r.

You've gotta be mean, angry.

You're right.
I need to feel rage.

But I just don't feel
like crushing my helmet

into the chest of my fellow man.

What's wrong with me?

Come on, Mike.
You just need some motivation.

We'll help you get mad, you
washed-up has-been.

Nice try.

Forget about it, Zack.
Forget about it.

Mike's obviously too old to keep
up with the younger guys.

Ooh, I'm almost annoyed.

I'll handle this.

Hey Mike, you know that videotape
of your Superbowl highlights?

The one some idiot taped over
to record "Ren and Stimpy"?

Right.
Well, that idiot was me.

That was my only copy.

Good.
Now use that anger, Mike.

Put down the idiot and go
k*ll the quarterback.

- Right. Thanks, guys.
- Yeah.

Oh, Mike.
Put down the idiot.

Right.

Hey, guys.

- Hey.
- Hey.

You look familiar.
Do I know you?

Oh, give me a break.

Listen, if you guys got your nose
out of the books once in a while,

you might discover there's a
whole other world out there.

Looks like you discovered the
world of shopping malls too.

Oh, this?
Oh, I got it on sale.

It was only $400.

Boy, tips must be great.

Yeah, I finally found something
I'm good at --

flirting.

So, what did I miss in
European history?

Oh, not much.

Only the rise and fall
of the Roman Empire.

No biggie.

I was thinking about dropping
that class anyways.

Kelly, if you don't start buckling
down on your schoolwork,

you're never going
to amount to anything.

Boy, that sounds familiar.

When did I turn into my father?

This is supposed to be the
best times of our lives, isn't it?

So what do you say we
all go for a movie?

My treat.

Can't. I have class.

- Yeah. Me too.
- Me too.

Uh, Leslie?
What about you?

Sorry, I've got some filing to
do at the student health center

until they find a
replacement for you.

Gotta run.

Zack, how about it?

At least you know
how to have fun.

Can't.
Gotta catch up on chemistry.

You remember chem class,
don't you?

And what is that supposed
to mean?

It means I don't get this
new lifestyle of yours.

And what am I gonna
do, be a doctor?

I mean, somebody once told
me I should be realistic.

Come on, Kel.
I didn't mean it that way.

Save it, Zack.
You said enough.

Oh, and by the way,

I owe you $20.
Keep the change.

Hey, Screech. Buddy, what
are you doing here, man?

It's so late.

I'm waiting for Debbie to get
off work so I could ask her out.

Screech, try to follow me here.

These waitresses are friendly to
everybody, especially guys.

Especially guys who
tip them a lot.

Still with me?

- Yes, I am.
- OK.

You're absolutely right.

It's a shame that Debbie has to
work around women like them.

Screech, let me try
this one more time.

Now, remember how you used to
pretend to be a cowboy?

- Yeah.
- Well, Debbie is just pretending.

Oh come on, Zack.

If you knew anything
about women,

you'd know that Debbie
doesn't want to be a cowboy.

Now excuse me, Zack.

I see my main squeeze.

Debbie, how would
you like to go--

Hey, Sugar Britches,
it's closing time.

Last call for my favorite
customer?

Sugar Britches?

That's my name.

I bet she showed him where
the bathroom was too.

Screech, I'm sorry about that.

But hey, it's just as well.

You would have broken
her heart anyway.

Are you pretending now?

Yeah, just a little.

Thanks.

Oh look, it's the Boy Scout.

Did you come to pass
judgment on me again?

Listen, Kelly, I'm
sorry, all right?

I underestimated you,
and that was wrong.

I should know by now that whenever
you put your mind to something

you find a way to do it.

Listen, if you want to go into
pre-med, you should.

No.
No, you were right.

Pre-med?
Who was I kidding?

- What's this?
- It's your chemistry test.

Since you haven't
been to class lately,

Professor Rothman
asked me to give it to you.

Who cares?
I probably flunked it.

Why don't you check
it out anyway?

An A.

Listen, Kel. If you have a
dream, you should go for it.

And don't let jerks like
me tell you otherwise.

- [groans]
- That's number one for me.

That's all right though.
[knocking]

Guys?
I made the team.

(TOGETHER) Hey, all right.

Yeah.

We knew you could do it, buddy.

Yeah, I'm kind of
glad I tried out.

I needed to prove to myself that
I wasn't over the hill.

So when do you start?

I don't.

What?

There I was busting heads
with these 22-year-olds,

and all I could think about was
my thesis for my master's degree.

My future's here.

So wait a minute.

We k*lled ourselves working
out with you for nothing?

No, it wasn't for nothing.

We all had fun.

We're in great shape.

- Right guys?
- Oh yeah, sure.

If you say so.

You guys are just a
couple of girls.

Get me to the health center
and don't tell anybody about this.

My lips are sealed.

How did I ever play football?

Kelly didn't sleep in
her bed again, Zack.

I tried talking to her.

I guess I'm the last person
she wants to listen to.

Kelly, you-- you could
have called.

We were worried.

What are talking about?
I got home early.

I made my bed an hour ago.

I've got an 8 o'clock class.

I quit Skeeters.

That's great.

So you're going back to
the health center?

If I can get my job back.

It's yours.

We've got to get ready
for class.

OK.

Hey, Zack?

Thanks.

You know, you're always there
for me when I'm in trouble.

Why is that?

Oh, because we're friends, and
we've been through a lot together.

And besides, you look pretty
darn cute in that Skeeters uniform.

You didn't have to give
that back, did you?

Afraid so.

Come on, I'll walk you to class.

What have we got?

Chemistry.

We sure do.

- Come on, Bob.
- Good, good.

- One more.
- That's good.

Two more.
Come on, Bob.

- Come on, Bob.
- Come on, Mike.

Come on, Mike.