01x12 - Kelly and the Professor

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

Now I'd like to introduce you to our
closest living relative, the chimpanzee.

Now, did you know
at the genetic level,

we are 98%
identical to these guys.

In fact, we're teaching
this chimp to talk.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Lucy.

Wow, Zack.

Lucy looks almost as human
as you and me.

Yeah.
Well, definitely you.

Now, I've been trying to
teach Lucy sign language,

and I think we've
turned a corner.

Now this is the sign for banana.

Let's see if Lucy can
give the sign.

All right, Lucy.
What this?

Give me the sign,
and it's all yours.

[monkey wheezing]

Ah, nice try, Lucy.

All right. Finish copying the notes
off the board, then you can leave.

That monkey's looking
at me funny.

Quick.
Run for it.

Hi, Lucy.
Hi, pretty girl.

I bet you're tired
of bananas, huh?

Oh, it's not that.

She just doesn't have
the mental capacity.

The department's been
talking about giving her to a zoo,

and I'm beginning to
think maybe we should.

Gee, that's a shame.

She'll be a college dropout.

Come on, Lucy.

You're not dumb.
You're just shy.

Believe me.
I know about shyness.

But don't worry, though.
I believe in Lucy.

In fact, I love Lucy.

Professor Lasky.

Lasky, look.
She just signed.

Watch.
I love Lucy.

I'm sorry.
It's hopeless, Mr. Powers.

Do me a favor.

Put her back in the cage, and
make sure you lock it.

Sure. Great.

Someone finally tells me they love
me, and I have to lock her in a cage.

Ah, Slater, the search
has ended.

I found the woman of my dreams.

The chimp?

No.
No.

Kelly.

We've going out a lot lately,
and I think we're getting serious.

Now just-- just look
at her hair.

Isn't it beautiful?

What do you call that color?

Brown.

Yeah.

Brown.
Wow.

♪ I'm standing
at the edge of tomorrow, ♪

♪ and it's all up to
me how far I go ♪

♪ I'm standing at the
edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ I've never seen
such a view before, ♪

♪ a new world before my eyes ♪

♪ So much for me to explore ♪

♪ It's where my future lies ♪

♪ Today, I'm standing at
the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ From here, the future
looks bright for me ♪

♪ And it's all up to
me how far I go ♪

♪ It's my time to break away ♪

♪ I'm standing at the edge
of tomorrow today ♪

Hey, Kel.

Tomorrow night,
I'm going to cook dinner.

You cook?

Taking foil off a Hungry Man
dinner is not exactly cooking.

I heat it up.

Seriously, I'm going to cook
Chinese food from scratch.

Interested?

- Sure.
- Great.

Professor Lasky?

Yes Ms. Kapowski?

Kelly.
Call me Kelly.

OK, Kelly?

Can I help you with something?

Oh.

Can I speak to you about
my, um, paper thing.

I mean, my term thing.

I mean, my term paper.

[laughs nervously].

Sure. We could talk
about all those things.

How about 3:00 at my place?

Your place?

My office.

Oh.

Right.
That place.

Can I bring anything?

Yes.

Your term paper.

Right.

And I'll huff, and I'll puff,
and I'll blow your house down.

Before you say anything, sir,
I just want to let you know

that I'm not judging you.

No, no, no.

Kelly, come on in. I want
you meet my daughter, Abby.

Hi.

I had no idea you
had a daughter.

Hi there, Abby.

You know, "The Three Little
Pigs" are my favorite too.

I like "Winnie the Pooh" better.

Daddy, will you braid my hair?

You bet.
Park it there, Abby-Dabby.

Well, I guess it's not a good
time to talk about my term paper.

I didn't know your daughter
was going to be here.

Ah, I didn't either until
about an hour ago.

My ex-wife had to fly to
Chicago on business.

So you live nearby, Abby?

Right across the big bridge.

Your daddy's never been a
professional hairstylist, has he?

It shows, huh?

Good thing I have that Ph.D.
thing to fall back on.

All right.

Thank you, Daddy.

So do I look as pretty as you?

Prettier. Let me just
fix one little thing.

You know, my niece is going
into kindergarten.

I was going to buy
her a lunch box.

Which one do you suggest?

Aladdin's good.

Barney's OK for the little kids.

Thanks, Abby.

Dr. Susman. Hi.
Jeremiah Lasky here.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel
my adult ed class tomorrow night.

My daughter's in town.

Do you need a babysitter?
I'd be happy to sit.

Ah, I don't know.

Abby's pretty particular about
who sits with her.

Can Kelly babysit me, Daddy?

Please, please, please?

I found a sitter.

Great.
How about 7:00 tomorrow?

It's a date.

I mean, not a date date.

But a babysitting date.

A job.
[laughs nervously]

Oh, I'm sorry.

What about your term paper?

My term paper.

Oh my gosh.
I forgot it.

Man, I thought you were Kelly.

If I were Kelly, I'd
wear something skimpy

and stare at
myself in the mirror.

That's what you do now.

What are you doing here anyway?

You're supposed to make yourself
scarce, remember?

Oh, yeah.
It's the big night.

That is right, my man.

You know, Kelly was the first
girl I ever loved.

No matter who's
come and gone since,

there's never been
anyone like her.

Well, that's great man. What
are you going to do about it?

Well, tonight, I'm going tell Kelly
that I'd like us to date exclusively.

Exclusively?

Wait a minute.
As in only?

- Uh-huh.
- Are you out of your mind?

I know.
I know.

It was a shock
to me at first too.

Aw, man.
This is terrible.

This is going to destroy me.

When Alex hears this, she'll
want to date ex--

exclus--

man, I can't even say the word.

Mmm.
It smells good.

I'm going to be dating Kelly.

Is that a problem?

Why should that be a problem?

Well, we've gone
out a few times,

but now I have these really
strong feelings for Kelly.

Anyway, I-- I hope I
haven't hurt you too much.

(SOBBING DRAMATICALLY) I'm
so devastated, Zack.

But maybe somehow, some way,

after enough time passes,

I'll get over it.

Hey, Leslie.

- You ready to go?
- I'm over it.

Ha ha, very funny.
You're so cute.

You're cute too.

But I need to borrow some of
Screech's allergy medicine.

[sneezing] Ah! Ah!

Uh-oh.
- Hey, Mike.

Ah!
Ah!

Ah-choo.

[laughing].

You call that a sneeze?

Quick. Somebody stuff
some ragweed up my nose.

I'll sneeze so hard, the
hurricane center will name it.

Just give me something.

Some clown brought a cat in the
dorm, and I'm allergic.

Here we go.

Mike, I want you to take
two of these every six hours,

and I want to see you in
my office in a couple days.

Give me that.

Hey, wait a minute.
You didn't pay me.

Oh, god.
Look what time it is.

- I've got to babysit.
- Ah, Kelly, babysit?

What about our dinner?

Oh, I'm sorry Zack.

I guess I just forgot.

Ah, Kelly, how could you forget?

I wanted to ask you something
important tonight.

Well, well, what is it?

Well, we've been
seeing a lot of each other,

and we've been
having a great time.

So anyway, I was kind of
hoping you'd want to--

well, as corny as
this may sound--

go steady?

Take your time.

I can't.

Take a little more time.

Look, Zack, I really
care about you.

And maybe a few weeks ago, I
would've felt differently.

But something's happened
since then.

Well, what?
What happened?

I met somebody.

I'm sorry.

Kelly's seeing another guy.

Can you believe it?

Who on this campus is
cooler than I am?

I am.

Be serious.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. All this time you said
you were going to wrestling practice?

That red spot on your forehead
wasn't a mat burn, it was a hickey.

A hickey on my forehead?

Nobody has a hickey
on their forehead.

Well, except for maybe
Gorbachev.

Yeah, you're right.

But if it isn't you,
then who is it?

Hey, guys.

Nah.

Well, let me just make sure.

So Screech, where have you
been all afternoon long?

Visiting the love of my life.

Does she have dark hair?

As a matter of fact, she does.

All over her.

[knocking]

Screech, it's for you.

Oh no.

I must have left
the cage unlocked,

and she followed me home.

Careful Screech.

This is exactly how things
started in "Fatal Attraction."

Screech, I'm going telling you,

you better get this chimp back
to the lab before Rogers finds out.

Ah, I can't Zack.

She loves me.

Besides, she's too smart
to go to a zoo.

I'm going to hide her until I can
convince the college that Lucy can talk.

Oh, look, it's Lucy.

She's so cute.

Yuck. Get that hairy,
disgusting thing out of here.

Slater, it's touching me.

It's touching me with
its monkey paws.

It's hugging me.

It loves me.

[singing]
♪ And I will always love you ♪

What are you looking at?

She's got a much better hair
cut than Kevin Costner.

Oh.

Yacht club?

I didn't know Zack wore that.

It's not for Zack.

It's for--

nobody.

He must be a pretty
special nobody.

You don't usually buy
cologne for somebody

you're not planning on smelling.

You guys are such children.

[pants]
Are not.

Slater, do you know who Kelly's
new boyfriend is?

No.
Do you?

Not exactly.

But I do know that he wears
Yacht Club cologne.

- Hi, guys.
- Oh.

Zack.

Hi.

You've got a weird
girlfriend, man.

Weird, but useful.

She found out a little something
about Kelly's mystery guy.

He wears Yacht Club cologne.

Hey, that's great.

So all I got to do is track
down that smell.

It's Soft and Dry.

What?

I ran out of deodorant.

I had to borrow some
from Alex, OK?

Do you have a death wish?

No.
No, I was--

I was just sniffing you.

I mean, come on, man.
This is the '90s.

Can't a guy sniff another
guy without--

I guess I do have a death wish.

Excuse me.

Yeah, big guy.

So how's it going?

Well, six guys want
to rearrange my face,

and one gave me his
unlisted phone number.

Man, why don't you just
talk to Kelly?

Yeah.
I guess you're right.

I mean, I'll just ask
her who it is.

I mean, that's the mature
thing to do, right?

- There you go.
- Yeah.

You know were she is?

I think she's babysitting
for Lasky's kid again.

Again?
Wait a minute.

Babysitting.

Oh, yeah. Sure.
What a great cover.

She said she's
babysitting for Lasky,

but she's probably out
with some jock.

Well, I'm going to go
over there, break in,

and catch her
not babysitting.

And keep that mature
thing going.

Kelly, that was awful thoughtful
of you to get Abby a tea set.

[giggles].

And thanks again
for the cologne.

You know, you really
shouldn't have.

Well, I thought you'd like it more
than a Bert and Ernie bath kit.

Daddy, sit here and
be the daddy.

OK.

Kelly's the mommy,
and I'm the Abby.

Wait a second.

Let me get this straight.

I'm the daddy, you're the mommy,
and he's the Abby.

Ha ha.
No silly.

You know, you're really
great with her.

Well, when you come from
a family as large as mine,

you kind of have
to be good with kids.

Shh.
We're playing.

Oh.

Thank you.

Mmm.
It's very good.

Uh-oh.
You spilled it.

- I did?
- Oh, just on the tie?

We'll get another one.

Uh, yeah.

This one will look much
better on you.

Yeah.
Brings out your eyes.

You've got great eyes.

They're so, uh,

blue.

Thank you, Mommy.

She's my mommy.

You should call her honey.

OK.
Honey?

- You're very welcome.
- Sweetheart.

Sweetheart.

I got to get going.
Daddy must go to work, Abby.

Don't forget to kiss
Mommy goodbye.

Um, see you later, Honey.

Come home soon.

I'm sorry.
Am I embarrassing you?

No, no, no.
Don't apologize.

I'm really glad to see Abby
having a good time.

And so am I.

It's a good feeling.
It's almost like, uh,

being a family again.

Um, I better get going.

[bang]

Zack.

- Yeah.
- What are you doing here?

Hey. Uh. I was a--
I just wanted to talk to Kelly.

- I don't suppose she's here, is she?
- Yeah, she is.

I didn't think so. She is?

Yeah, she's babysitting.
I'm sorry. I got to run.

Woah. Woah.

Woah.
What cologne are you wearing?

Yacht Club.

Nice, isn't it?

The appearance of chipstone
tools marks the beginning of?

The Paleolithic
Age, Dr. Lasky.

Right.

(MOCKING) The Paleolithic
Age, Dr. Lasky.

Could she be any more obvious?

Keep this up, and I'm
changing my seat.

All right.
Our time is up.

But remember everybody,

we still haven't
found our chimp, Lucy.

If anybody sees her, please,
please, report it immediately.

Uh, Mr. Lasky?

Sir, I am really sorry, but
you see the chimp--

uh, the dog ate my homework.

Very original, Mr. Slater.

Bring it tomorrow.

As soon as we hit the door,
you better start running.

So, um, I'll see you and
Abby for dinner tonight?

Oh, and don't forget earplugs.

It's Chuck E. Cheese.

Heh.
Sounds like fun.

Gee.

Never invited me to dinner, sir.

Ah. Kelly's been babysitting,
and Abby adores her.

- It's nothing.
- Nothing?

Oh, come on.
Admit it.

Every girl in this class
is in love with you.

Including Kelly.

Mmm.
Probably a school girl crush.

Are you kidding?

This morning,
I caught her at the mirror,

wearing a veil,
throwing rice at herself.

I'm telling you, better
watch out. This is serious.

All right.
I'll talk to her tonight.

Hey, Kel. Have you
seen my "Pearl Jam" CD?

No.

But I saw the monkey with
headphones and a big smile.

Oh. That's a nice hairdo.

Do you think it makes
me look older?

Yeah.
You look almost 19 and a 1/2.

So, uh, are you babysitting
tonight?

Well, kinda.

You know, I really love
that little girl.

I was taking a walk
with her yesterday,

and somebody actually
thought I was her mother.

Ah.
Well, listen.

After you get back
from Professor Lasky's,

if you want to talk about
anything, I'll be here.

Is something wrong, Zack?

Did something happen
to the monkey?

OK.
One more for the family album.

All together now.

BOTH: Banana.

[inaudible].

Oh, Screech, I need some
more of that medi--

What's that?

Uh, well, that's
not a that, sir.

That's a girl.

Yeah.

Screech is babysitting
Lasky's daughter.

Ah. Well, can I see
the little sweetheart.

No.
She's very shy.

Oh, but I'm really
good with kids.

Come on.

Come say hi to Mr. Rogers.

Woah.

Either that's a monkey,

or I'd hate
to see Lasky's ex-wife.

Who's responsible for this?

BOTH: Screech.

Thanks girls.

I'm worried about a cat, and
you've got a monkey running around.

Lucy is not a monkey.

She's a chimp.

Monkeys have tails and
they're stupid.

Chimps are very smart
and sensitive.

Fine.

Get rid of the chimp,
you monkey.

Oh, that's my chimp.
I'll take care of her.

Aw, thanks.

Oh, and my regards
to your ex-wife.

Mr. Powers, why did
you take her?

I love her, Professor Lasky.

And she loves me.

But I saw "King Kong" and I
don't want this to end like that.

I'm sorry, Lucy, but you
have to go back.

Did she just sign?

Yeah.
Lucy signs to me all the time.

She does?

- That's incredible.
- I tried to tell you.

She's just shy with
other people.

Please don't send her
back to the zoo.

What, are you kidding?

I'm going to arrange for her to
stay right here at Cal U.

But under one condition.
That you, Mr. Powers,

become my lab assistant.

Help me teach her more
sign language.

No problem.
You've got it.

Come on, Lucy.
Back to the lab.

[laughs]
Come on.

Oh, hi.

If you're looking for Kelly,
she's in there.

Ah.

Thanks.

What are you doing here?

I was just leaving to see you.

Abby's mom got home early.

I took her home.

Besides, we need some
time to talk.

Uh, talk?
Uh, what about?

Kelly, I don't know exactly
how you feel about me,

but I'm your professor.

And the university has very strict
rules against you and I getting involved.

Look, I know all the rules.

But I can't help the way
I feel about you.

- You'll get over this, Kelly.
- No, I won't.

Professor Lasky,

Jeremiah,

I'm in love with you.

You think that
you are, Kelly, but--

No.

I'm really in love with you.

Look, Kelly,

maybe in a different
time and place,

I could feel the same way.

Do you really mean that?

Yes.

Look, Kelly, any man on this
campus would k*ll for a woman like you.

You're beautiful.

You're smart.

You're great with kids.

I mean, Abby really adores you.

It's hard not to.

You're very loving
and sensitive.

Everything a man could
want in a woman.

Is something wrong, Zack?

Did something happen
to the monkey?

[laughs].

Is something wrong, Zack?

Did something happen
to the monkey?

[laughs]

Is something wrong, Zack?

Did something happen
to the monkey?

[both laugh]