01x13 - A Question of Ethics

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

Sorry if I seem a little bummed.

The weirdest thing happened.

You see, Kelly and Dr. Lasky--

oh no, why am I telling you?

Here, check it out.

I was kind of hoping
you'd want to--

well, as, as corny as this
may sound, go steady.

I met somebody.

I'm sorry.

This one will look much
better on you.

Yeah, brings out your eyes.

You've got great eyes.

They're so, uh,

blue.

Kelly's seeing another guy.

Can you believe it?

Who on this campus is
cooler than I am?

You're very loving
and sensitive --

everything a man could
want in a woman.

I hate that part.

Kelly -- my Kelly --

with Professor Lasky?

Not while I'm still breathing.

♪ I'm standing
at the edge of tomorrow, ♪

♪ and it's all up to
me how far I go ♪

♪ I'm standing at the
edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ I've never seen
such a view before, ♪

♪ a new world before my eyes ♪

♪ So much for me to explore ♪

♪ It's where my future lies ♪

♪ Today, I'm standing at
the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ From here, the future
looks bright for me ♪

♪ And it's all up to
me how far I go ♪

♪ It's my time to break away ♪

♪ I'm standing at the edge
of tomorrow today ♪

Hey, Zack.

What?

Don't give me that "what."

I saw you kissing
Professor Lasky.

You were spying on us?

No! That wasn't spying on you.

I was just peeking in the
bedroom without you seeing me.

Real mature, Zack, as always.

Well, since you're so
interested in my life,

I happen to be
falling in love with him

and I think Jeremiah
feels the same way about me.

Oh, it's Jeremiah, is it?

Well, soon it'll be Jerry,
then it'll be Jer.

Oh, hold me, Jer.

Oh, I love you, Jer.

Nice hair, Jer.

Are you through?

No, Kelly, I'm not.

What about you and me?

Zack, look --

I'll always love you as a
friend, but this is different.

I mean, this is a mature man,

a man I can see spending
the rest of my life with.

Oh, Kelly, the man is 32.

He's ancient.

I mean, what are
you guys gonna do,

sit around and watch
"Matlock" together?

He does not watch television.

Jerry's an intellectual.

Oh, you see -- "Jerry."
I knew it!

Well, for your information,

Jerry is your professor and
you are still his student.

I know.

Look, it's a very delicate
situation.

That's why we have to
keep this a secret.

You have to promise
not to tell anybody,

even our roommates.

Zack, please, as my friend?

All right.
All right, I promise.

But it's only for you.
It's not for Jerry.

All right, everyone.

It's time for our sorority's
annual charity masquerade ball.

Who wants to buy a ticket?

OK, bottom line --
either you pay up

or I'll steal the most embarrassing
piece of underwear that you have

and display it to
the entire school.

- Here's $20.
- Yeah, here.

- Here.
- Give me one of those.

Masquerade ball.
I hate costume parties.

I remember that one time I ended
up dancing with Screech.

Oh, it'll be fun.

We'll dress up and
we'll go as a couple.

Mm, great.

Who are you going with, Kelly?

Well, I was thinking about
asking this person, uh--

I don't want to talk about it.

Bye.

Zack, do you know who
this mystery guy is?

Yeah, it's--

Joey Buttafuoco.

Hey guys.

I'm, uh, doing some research
for my psychology class.

Could you guys fill in
this questionnaire for me?

It's a perfect mate profile.

Hey, I took one of
those tests once.

It said my perfect mate
was Whoopi Goldberg.

Well, hang in there.

I hear she's available now.

So anyway, just fill in the questions
and I'll score them for you later, OK?

- OK.
- Thanks.

Oh, this is gonna
be so much fun.

"What is your idea
of a perfect evening?"

Easy -- B, "A romantic,
moonlit walk on the beach."

D, "Going to a rock concert and
sitting two rows from the speakers."

That's your idea of
a perfect evening?

That's what I chose.

Really?

Hey, I have a wild side to me.

I'm perfectly capable of getting
down with my bad self.

I chose a walk on the beach too.

You know, there's
nothing more romantic

than cuddling up with seaweed.

"What is the first thing you
look for in the opposite sex?"

C, "How they look
in a swimsuit."

Oh, please.

I put that too.

Oh?

Well, I chose "Sensitivity
and a sense of humor."

Me too.

How about that?

I guess we have
something in common.

Is your favorite Stooge Moe?

[knock on door]

Hi.
Can I come in?

Why not?

You're my student, I'm your
teacher, this is my office.

No reason in the world that we
should feel uncomfortable.

Actually, I'm glad you came by,
because we need to talk.

This is not gonna work.

I'm 32, you're 19.

Well, of course it can work out.

My father's 11 years older than
my mother and they're very happy.

Uh, that's nice, Kelly, but I'm
your teacher, you're my student.

That's crossing the line.

I know it is.

I've thought this through and the last
thing I want to do is hurt your career.

That's why I dropped
your class today.

You what?

I'm not your student anymore.

So, is there anything else
keeping us apart?

Uh. Uh, give me
a minute, will you?

Look, we'll just be real
discreet about this.

It's nobody's business.

It's between you, me, and
my sorority sisters.

I'm kidding.

[mug breaking]

So, does anyone know why
Kelly dropped the class?

I don't know. She's been
acting really strange lately.

Yeah, she's been singing
in her sleep.

I sing in my sleep.

"Here Comes the Bride?"

Once.

- What's up, guys?
- Hey, what's up?

Hey, did you hear?

Kelly dropped anthropology
class.

- She what?
- Yeah.

This has gone too far.

Hey, Lasky, you and
I have to talk.

Sure.
Is it about your term paper?

Yeah. You know, I thought I
might do it on mating rituals

of students and teachers, since
you seem to be an expert in this field.

Maybe we should have
this discussion--

- No, we'll discuss it right now.
- Zack, this is not the time.

Then when exactly is a good time
to talk about your affair with Kelly?

Kelly and Professor Lasky?

This is so exciting.

Ah, she's dating a mature man.

I'm so jealous.

Hey!

Name one thing Lasky's
got that I don't.

A Ph.D., two published books, an
appearance on "Good Morning America--"

Hey, I tried out
for "Jeopardy."

A passport that has been
stamped all over the world.

OK, OK, I get it.

But he still doesn't have pecs.

Yeah, big attraction.

He's a skinny, pale-faced guy
who's always got his head in a book.

Oh! Oh.

Kelly, what's it like going
out with an older man?

Well, it's great.

I mean, he's kind and sensitive

and he really understands women.

Like I don't.

Women --
shopping, hair, diets.

What's the mystery?

I've got to run.

Jeremiah's taking me to a
photojournalism exhibit in Berkeley.

Wow.

[knock on door]

- Hey guys.
- Hey, Mike.

I've got the results of the
perfect mate profile.

Ooh!

Now, 100 points is
most compatible.

Oh no.

- Slater?
- Hm?

We only scored a 22.

That's awful, by the way.

We're drifting apart!
I knew it!

We're not drifting.
Nobody's drifting.

Well, I wouldn't exactly go
buy His and Her towels.

Well, interestingly enough,
Slater and Leslie scored a 78.

That is interesting.

- Hey.
- Oh, fascinating.

But, the highest compatibility
score was an 89 --

Screech and Alex.

Whoa.

Alex, did you hear that?

We're soul mates.

[Alex sobs]

Oh, Alex, come on.

Why are you crying?

It's just a silly
test, don't cry.

Hey, Slater, let her cry.

I like sensitive women.

(IN UNISON) Shut up, Screech.

Boy, you two are in sync.

They're in sync, Screech
and I are soul mates --

life is just one big
bowl of cherries!

It's OK, everybody.

I'm trained in crisis
intervention.

I know exactly what to do.

See ya.

Alex, come on. This
test doesn't mean a thing.

It doesn't--

That was real fun racing you
across the Golden Gate Bridge.

And I would have beaten you if
you hadn't taken the carpool lane.

Eh, don't bother me with
technicalities.

You are the one who has to
go to traffic school.

Do you get the feeling that
people are staring at us?

No one's looking at us, silly.

Would you look at that?

Why doesn't she just
sit on his lap?

So, do you want a taco or do
you want your usual grilled cheese?

Did you hear that?

He said, "Come to Tahoe
with me, please."

Boy, you have good ears, Zack.

No, I hate their tacos.

I'm just gonna get a hot dog.

Oh, oh. She said, "I
can't wait till Tahoe,

so we can go into a hot tub."

You know, it's taking all
my self control right now

not to kiss you on the lips.

- What'd she say?
- Oh, nothing.

They're just arguing about
whether to leave a tip.

Uh, Kelly, uh, let's get out of here
and go some place off campus.

Sure.

Jeremiah, before we go, can
I ask you something?

Boy, what I wouldn't give to be
a fly on the wall in there.

What are you gonna do, crawl in
there and hide under the pool table?

No.

I've got to maintain
a shred of dignity.

You do it.

A sorority dance?

Ah, Kelly, I don't know.

Well, why not?

I mean, everybody knows
about us anyway.

I mean, this is our chance to
show them that we're a couple.

You don't care what people
think, do you?

No.
No, no, no, of course not.

It's just that I don't think I'd
feel comfortable in the situation.

OK.
No big deal.

I hope you understand.

I don't want to hurt you.

(SINGING) ♪ La la la,
dun, dun, dun, dun ♪

♪ Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
dun, dun, dun ♪

So, I guess you're feeling
better, huh?

Of course I am.

Tinkerbell doesn't
hold a grudge.

Here, have some fairy dust.

Thanks.

And you're gonna look
adorable as Peter Pan.

Peter Pan?

Wait a sec, I'm not going
as Peter Pan.

I'm coming as Tarzan.

I know this is a little crazy,

but I'm gonna go as
Jane of the Jungle.

Whoa, what a mind-blower.

Me Tarzan, you Jane.

Me nauseous.

- You're going as Tarzan?
- Yeah.

We're gonna match.

Oh! Well, why don't
you two just go together?

Sure, no, don't worry about me.

I'll just get an ape suit
and go as Cheetah.

Come on, Alex.
Leslie and I didn't plan this.

This is just a coincidence.

Oh yeah? Then why
won't you go as Peter Pan?

Because no self-respecting
guy would ever

go to a costume
party as Peter Pan.

Tinkerbell?

This is scary.

Hey, is that fairy dust?

Get away from me.

What are you doing here?

Uh, Kelly left her sweater in
my van and I'm returning it.

What are you trying to prove,
Professor Lasky?

I mean, is this some sort
of midlife crisis thing?

Zack, whatever this thing is,
it really is my business.

You just don't see very
comfortable about it.

Slinking around school
together, huddling in corners--

Could you lower your
voice please?

I am not slinking or huddling.

I-- I'm perfectly fine
with this relationship.

Really?

Why won't you go to the
sorority ball with Kelly?

Jeremiah.
What a nice surprise.

Hi, I came to return
your sweater.

And to let you know
I changed my mind.

I'd be happy to go to the
sorority ball with you.

Oh, that's great.

Me and my big mouth.

This is gonna be so much fun.

Hey, Slater, when do we
meet the girls again?

7:00.

Uh, Screech, buddy, need
a little favor.

I want you to switch
costumes with me.

But I want to be Peter Pan.

And you can be, every
day of your life.

But just let me be
Peter Pan for tonight.

Tinkerbell's about ready
to punch my lights out.

All right, I'll be Tarzan.

All right, thanks.

Wow, this is a big loincloth.

Can I borrow one of your loins?

Hey, guys.

Guess what?

Figured out a way to
get Kelly back.

Kelly?

You mean the same Kelly that
told you to get out of her life forever?

Well, yeah, but there's a lot
of ways you can take that.

Come on, man.
She won't even go near you.

I know, but she will go
near Lasky, right?

Right.

So, I spoke to the guy
at the costume shop

and he told me
what Lasky's wearing,

and I'm gonna wear the
same costume he is.

Always thinking, Zack.

Oh, the name's not Zack --

it's Zorro.

Oh, I'm so glad you're here.

It's so nice to have our
relationship out in the open.

Yes, it is.

Hey, guys.
Professor Lasky, nice costume.

Just call me Zorro, will ya?

Man, I really hate this costume.

What are you complaining about?

This loincloth's riding up on
me like an express elevator.

At least I know Alex will
appreciate this.

Slater!
What have you done?

I switched costumes
to make you happy.

Happy?
Do I look happy?

Well, you should be.

I'm the one that got
stuck wearing this.

I got fairy dust in my bra.

I hope you're satisfied, Alex.

[Tarzan yell]

Come, Jane.

Tarzan hungry for love.

Sorry, Jane on idiot-free diet.

Oh, hello again,
Professor Lasky.

Screech, it's me.

Whoa!

Zack, you shouldn't scare
a Tarzan like that.

Now Tarzan have to
go in bathroom.

Uh, Screech?

First, will you do me a favor?

See Professor Lasky over there
standing by the bar?

Distract him for awhile.

I don't know if I can distract
him, but I sure can annoy him.

Good man.

Professor Lasky, what do
you think of my costume?

It's nice, Mr. Powers.

You'll never guess where
I keep my wallet.

Where have you been, Jeremiah?

That was incredible, Jeremiah.

- I know.
- Zack?

You were kissing back
big time, Kelly.

Only because I thought
you were him.

Oh, come on. Admit it, you know
there's something between us.

Yeah, and it better be distance.

There you are.

What is it?

Where do I start?

Don't think I'm gonna like this.

Kelly, you're a terrific girl.

But?

But--

but this is not gonna work out.

I, I thought could handle
it, but I can't.

But you haven't even
given us a chance.

Eh, sometimes you just know.

And right now, the
only thing I know is that

I'm at a sorority ball
dressed as Zorro,

praying that nobody
recognizes me.

So you're embarrassed by me.

No.

No, I'm embarrassed by me.

But I love you.

I'm flattered.

Really, I am.

But I'd be lying if
I said it back.

When I saw you kiss Zack,
I didn't feel anything.

I wasn't jealous.

You weren't?

No.

Do you have any idea
how much this hurts?

Yes.

And that's what I'm telling you
now instead of six months from now.

Kelly, I'm sorry.

It's OK.

This is my first
adult relationship.

I'm just glad you respected me
enough to treat me as a grown woman.

And I, in turn,

am capable of
handling this in adult

and mature fashion.

Maybe not.

This was a bad night to
be wearing a sword.

SCREECH (OFFSCREEN): I
just feel whimsical.

You guys haven't danced
together three times?

Alex, believe me, I have no
interest in your boyfriend.

None?

Oh, so you're disappointed?

Look, would you two stop it?

Look at what you've gone
through for each other tonight.

That says a lot more than some
stupid personality test.

He's right.

[knock on door]

Come in.

You all right?

Been better.

Um, look, Kelly, I'm sorry if
I've been acting like a jerk.

Something inside of me went off.

I guess I just can't stand
seeing you with another guy.

Well, I wasn't exactly
Miss Sensitive myself.

I was kind of in your face
about the whole thing.

Oh, it's no big deal.

I'm just sorry you got hurt.

Once again, Zack,
you were right.

This isn't about being
right, Kelly.

This is about something
I've been feeling

ever since you walked
back into my life.

I love you.

Zack, please.

I can't handle this.

I'm feeling--

I don't know what I'm feeling.

I-I'm just numb.

And, and I don't want to get
involved right now with--

with you or, or any other guy.

Please understand.

Can we just be good friends?

Yeah, sure.

Good friends.

Thanks.

Good friends.

Well, maybe for a while.

But soon--

(SPANISH ACCENT) I shall
win her heart, amigos.

Zack, away!

Maybe for a while.

But soon--

(SPANISH ACCENT) I shall
win her heart, amigos.

Oh, yeah.
Zack, away!

Maybe for a while.

[theme music]