05x19 - Flashy Little Flashdancer

[bunniefuu]

ADULT ADAM:
For as long as I can remember,

Beverly Goldberg loved to dance.

Sure, her fearless mom moves
were embarrassing,

but you had to admire her pure passion.

You can't blame the lady.

This was the ' s,

the golden age
of the cheesy dance movie...

most notably, "Flashdance,"

the tale of a working-class girl

who wanted to boogie with the best.

I don't think she's ever gonna
get into this dance school.

Even the lady judge
isn't supporting her.

This movie is insane.

She's so graceful
and yet from Pittsburgh?

- Shh!
- Screw you!

- You "shh"! Some people!
- Jerk!

But, as fate would have it, that year,

flashdancing made its way to Jenkintown.

Break out your hottest
leg warmers, ladies!

It's time to flashdance.

"Bring your boogie-woogie
and a towel"? Ehh.

Come on. It's our chance
to live the very realistic story

of a steelworker turned modern dancer.

Please! No one wants to see four moms

shake their tushes at the JCC.

Our entire lives revolve
around our kids.

But I have learned something
very important

from the Bevolution.

- Is that still a thing?
- The biggest.

And it's taught me that unless
we make time for ourselves,

our wonderful families will leech us dry

of our youth and spirit.

I guess I do have a little time
between school drop off

and school pick up and sports
drop off and sports pick up.

Well, it sounds like a small
window, but I'll take it.

- How about you gals?
- Maybe it wouldn't hurt

to stay in the back of the class
and pick up a few moves.

While they didn't stay
in the back of the class,

they did pick up a few moves...

or... whatever this is.

[Up-tempo dance music plays]

INSTRUCTOR: Annnd pose!

Not bad, ladies.

Not bad? Uh, we have taken
our passion and made it happen!

- Whoo!
- Whoo-hoo!

[Laughs]

♪

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, fellas.

Dance class just let out.

Now, this is why we come
to the Jenkintown JCC.

Aw, yeah.

Wait, I take it back! That's my mom!

And she's with my mom!

Hey, Bar. Don't hug Mama,
she's aglow with dance.

Why is your shoulder exposed?

Mama's just flashdancing.

Well, you're flashing too much!

Don't listen to him, hot moms.

Johnny Atkins is a shoulder man.

[Women giggle]

They all look encouraged
by his creepy words.

- Barry, do something!
- What?

Cover your shoulder with
my sweat towel! Right now!

- Please.
- [Whispers] Don't look at my mom.

- Okay, stop it. Just stop.
- Get off of me.

Get out of here. Just get out of here.

♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪

♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say ♪

♪ I don't know the future ♪

♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪

It was April , -something,

a typical Saturday night

for me and my best friend, Emmy Mirsky.

God, I love "Blades of Steel."

I call Penguins!

Why do you always
choose the stupid Penguins?

'Cause they're my favorite
animal. Also, they do this.

Annnd I'm down.

You just make it easy by sucking.

It was more than a friendship.
Emmy was like my sister.

Ever since we were kids,
we did everything together,

from Nintendo marathons
to treehouse slumber parties.

Brian McMahon made it pretty darn clear.

Do you like him, yes or no?

You know what? I'm marking yes.

And best of all, our traditions
continued through high school.

I don't know, Muscles.
Your mom is super against

- getting your ears pierced.
- Just do it, nerd!

Okay.

Three, two, one, and...

All right, welcome to pickleball!

Do not be fooled by its
comically delightful name.

Pickleball is a serious sport.

It combines the greatest elements

of tennis, badminton, and Ping-Pong.

Time to pick your pickleball partner.

Just make sure your partner
for pickleball

doesn't already have
a pickleball partner picked!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

You wanna play forehand or backhand?

I'm super bad at both.

Uh, actually, Brian McMahon

already asked me to play with him.

This was Brian, one of the most
popular kids in school.

The dude was painfully shy,
but he made it look cool.

Wow, Shy Bri actually talked to you?

See ya at lunch!

No partner, huh, Goldfarb?

Eh, it's all right. No shame in that.

At least that's what
the school instructs me to say.

Maybe I can just do a related
assignment like... eat a pickle?

Don't worry, Coach has got your back.

Now engage your core! Let's go!

♪

Yah!

Mine! Mine! Mine! Ah!

There's the beef! All me! All me!

I got it! I got it! I got it!

Eat my shorts!

Get out of the way!

Yah!

That's game! -zip!

Learn from it.

I learned that this game sucks.

Ha! He's mocking what you care about.

Laps! Now!

Both of you, let's go!

And as for you, we're gonna
pair up again tomorrow.

I need you to run some drills
after school.

Bring six gallons of water.

Thanks, but I'll be back
with Emmy next class.

Yo, we're grabbing
some Gino's for lunch.

Rad! I love Gino's!

If I'm not back
for study hall, cover for me.

Oof. That was tough to watch.

Well, Coach is here for you.

Except during lunch.

That's when I have
my -vegetable smoothie.

But I'm happy to talk
again on my jog home.

Emmy's been my best friend
since second grade.

Dating Brian won't change anything.

All right, listen up.

Part of growing up is growing apart.

You and Emmy are always
gonna be friends,

even if you don't hang out or talk

or she can't recall your name
immediately.

How am I doing? You feeling any better?

Not at all!

Yeah, this one got away from me.

As I panicked about my future
with my best friend,

Barry couldn't get past
our mom's new hobby.

The JCC All Ages Dance Recital?

It is a celebration of the sweet moves

we learned from : to :
on Tuesdays.

And you're going.

Adam, come in here and get my back!

This is gonna traumatize you, too.

Unlikely. There's nothing worse

than losing your oldest
and dearest friend

to the popular crowd.

Uck, I literally just fell asleep.

Dad! k*ll her dance dreams now!

Just go to her damn show
and let me know how it went.

Oh, no, you're going, too.

I can't. I got a work thing.

You don't even know when it is!

And I have a work thing, too.

- You don't even have a job!
- That checks out.

You are gonna support your loving mother

because she has supported everything

her precious babies have ever done.

Dammit! I am so jealous
Erica escaped this house

and made it to college.

Where are they?! My life is over!

Where are the pictures of my boyfriend

making out with that skank
Bridget Greenley?!

Surprise! [Chuckles]

Geoff's not cheating on you.

I just lied to get you here.
Isn't that fun?!

I drove home from D.C.
at miles an hour

with tears in my eyes!

Well, the good news is,
your love is still intact

and your mother has
a dance recital tomorrow!

Ha! You have to sit through
Mom's gyrating garbage with us.

All right, I can tell
from the hateful language

that I have doubters here,

which is why I'm going to give you

a little preview of what's in store.

♪ First, when there's nothing ♪

And with that, my mom took her six weeks

of rigorous JCC training

and put her heart and soul on the line.

♪ That your fear seems to hide ♪

Much like the toe-tapping
Jennifer Beals' audition

in "Flashdance,"

Beverly Goldberg would win over
her condescending critics

using the soaring magic of dance.

♪ All alone, I have cried ♪

♪ Silent tears full of pride ♪

♪ In a world made of steel ♪

- ♪ Made of stone ♪
- [Tempo quickens]

♪ What a feeling ♪

♪ Being's believin' ♪

♪ I can have it all ♪

♪ Now I'm dancing for my life ♪

You've been flashdanced!

[Hysterical laughter]

Thank you for bringing me home
from college to see this!

I can't breathe!

It hurts! It's so funny it hurts!

Seriously?!

You're laughing at me after
I just danced my heart out?!

Thanks, Mom! I needed a good laugh.

It hurts! Aah! Oh.

Are you okay, Dad?

No, he's not okay!

He literally injured himself
laughing at me!

[Laughter]

Enough!

All you people do is call me
a smother and beg me to change.

And then when I finally try to do it,

you mock me with your mean spirits!

Thank you. This is the most fun

that we've had as a family
in a long time.

[Laughs] Ha! So funny!

Ohh! I popped something else!

Gotta go back. Aaah! Aah!

Great-grandpa's balls!

Jackie, huge news!

We're gonna double date
with Emmy and her new beau!

Oh, my God, Emmy has a boyfriend?

Not yet. But she will

once I play a little yenta matchmaker.

Aw, you're gonna set her up?

Yep, I'm the best.

Now time to find Emmy a sweet, kind dude

who isn't popular or threatening
to me in any way.

[Chuckles]

Muscles Mirsky!

What if I told you there's
three eligible bachelors

just waiting to become your boyfriend?

Mr. Goldberg, this is study
hall, not the dating game.

This'll only take a minute.

Let's meet bachelor number one!

He's exotic. He's mysterious.
He's Sergei!

Good hello, sturdy woman.

This joker? You can't be serious.

Sergei still happy he got out there.

Okay, rough start.

Bachelor number two
is a tall glass of water

who plays clarinet in marching band...

It's me... Dan! I couldn't wait
for him to finish speaking!

Keep walkin', Dan-O. Thank you
for the opportunity to compete.

Saving the best for last!
Bachelor number three!

It better not be Dave Kim.

Whaaat? I would never!

Look, I appreciate the crappy effort.

But... I kinda spent lunch
making out with Brian McMahon.

What do you even see in that guy?

He's handsome and athletic and cool.

Name one cool guy who doesn't talk.

Snake Eyes from "G.I. Joe."

- Name one more.
- Teller from Penn and Teller.

- Name another.
- Snoopy.

He's the best.

Odd Job from James Bond,

Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers.

All right, stop dancing in the end zone!

I couldn't wait any longer!
Have you chosen your suitor?

While my matchmaking blew up in my face,

my mom was about to drop a b*mb.

Bev, where are your dance
clothes and your leg warmers?

Class is about to start.

These legs will never be warmed again.

Why are you talking so
dramatically about dance wear?!

I shared my gift of dance
with my family.

And they laughed.

So much so that Murray cracked
a bone in his middle body.

Don't listen to your family!

Mine said we're gonna be awesome!

- Same here.
- Mine, too.

That's 'cause they're kind,
stupid liars.

I mean, no offense, but anyone
who's seen Linda dance

knows she's got no boogie
from the waist down.

Excuse me?!

Admit it,

you jacked up your back

carrying around your kid
for far too long.

Geoff's -year-old legs
got tired easily.

And don't get me started
on Essie's jazz hands.

What's wrong with my jazz hands?

They are crooked and calloused

from years of scrubbing greasy
pans and wiping tushies.

I was gonna cover them with
sparkly gloves for the show.

And, Ginzy, all those years of stress

raising four rowdy boys

has given you such a nervous mom-tummy

that you make poots
all through this class.

You know about my poots?

- Yes.
- So intense.

You know, truth is,
I'm still worse off than you.

My family told me I'll never be
anything but a lame-butt mom.

No use fighting it.

♪

- Not okay, Ginzy!
- Go outside!

The stress activates it.

[Clears throat] Stress activates it!

I was losing Emmy to the cool kids,

so I turned to the coolest dude I knew.

Pops! Stop it with the hamantaschen!
I have an emergency!

I was so close, but fine.
What do you got?

Emmy has a super-popular boyfriend!

Good for her.

No! She's gonna leave me in the dust,

which means I gotta
become super cool super fast.

You want cool lessons, huh?

Well, you've come to the right place.

I don't have time to learn stuff!

I need an expensive shortcut
and I need it now!

It was red, it was leather,
it was in the "b*at It" video.

He who wore it was a god amongst men.

It's a fact.
Anyone who wears this jacket

is automatically
the coolest badass in the room.

'Cause of all the zippers?

'Cause of MJ.

And no kid on earth has one
'cause it costs $ .

Whoa! You don't need this
farkakte spaceman jacket.

Fine. I'm just gonna call Emmy

and tell her Shy Bri is no good for her.

No, that is the least cool thing to do.

Hello?

Hi, Mrs. Mirsky, it's Adam.
Is Emmy there?

No. She said she was studying
with you tonight.

Emmy used me as her nerd cover story.

Oh, no! How sad for you
but smart of her.

She's not there, is she?

Of course! I just forgot!

She's making popcorn
in the... popcorn room.

Uh-huh. Can I talk to her?

Of course you can.

Hey, Emmy! Your mom's on the phone!

Here she comes.

She's walking to the phone
with the popcorn in her hand.

Oh, no, she just tripped and fell!

Ohh, the popcorn is everywhere!

Oh! Oh! Now, I just fell! Gotta go!

- She has nev...
- [Receiver clicks]

I'm gonna buy you the red jacket.

Once again, Pops bailed me out.

And thanks to the ridicule,
my mom bailed on dancing.

Baby, I love you! You make
everything so much better!

You shamed your mom into quitting,

who shamed my mom into quitting
and then everyone else quit

and now the whole thing's canceled.

Well, you're welcome, handsome.

Wait. Bevy and all her friends
quit that thing?

Thanks to your amazing
and cruel daughter.

I was awful, too.

- [Thud]
- Dinner's served.

If you need me, I'll be upstairs in bed

staring at the ceiling thinking
about what could've been.

- Cool.
- [Sighs]

ERICA: Um, what's the deal
with this sad lasagna?

Mom's never made anything
in a casserole dish

with less than eight layers.
What's going on?

Clearly you morons hurt the lady
and you're gonna apologize.

Write one of your annoying
keyboard songs

where you rap and jump around.

You know, the annoying crap
you do every week.

Why just us? You were laughing, too.

Please, I'm her husband.
I never have to say I'm sorry.

That's how marriage works.

[Sighs] Okay, I'll get my Casio.

And I'll get my crazy mad flow.

[Fork clatters]

As they strolled off to make amends,

I was desperately hoping my new
red jacket would make me cool.

Hey! b*at it!

Oh, yeah, sorry, right.
I'll get out of here.

Nah, bro. Your jacket.
It's from "b*at It."

This kid rules, 'cause look...
look, he's got the jacket!

No biggie. I've had it forever.

Some say MJ got the idea from me.

Gnarly.

Oh, so you're a bad,
gnarly boy now? 'Sup up?

I have a girlfriend.

That's part of it for me.

You making moves on my girl, small fry?

You're so dead, but sweet
jacket, so we're friends now.

Okay, cool, man. I'll catch you later.

Adam?

Dude, you suck, 'cause you
ditched me to hang here.

Ain't that right, that guy?

b*at It!

Are you kidding me?
I finally find someone I like

and you can't even be happy for me?

Happy? We're best friends!

It's supposed to be just you and me!

We grow up together and live
next door to each other

and raise our kids side by side!

No matter who we were with,
it was supposed to be us!

You are such a hypocrite.

Did I ever complain when I got
shoved into the background

while you were with Dana or Jackie?

That's different and you know it.

How? I've been the third wheel forever.

Uh, this is all super weird,

and it's making me
feel like the third wheel.

Why is he suddenly talking?

See you in gym class or whatever.

Guess Shy Bri really opens up
on the weekends, huh?

Don't talk to me. Ever again.

- b*at it!
- Yeah, yeah, the jacket.

No. Actually b*at it.
You're a bad friend. Not cool.

He was right. I really did lose Emmy.

Meanwhile, my mom was about to get

the most elaborate apology in history.

There she is!
Our flashy little flashdancer!

What is all this?

[Echoing] You're about to witness

the greatest apology ever.

Behold! A three-act hip-hopera

so powerful you'll forgive anything.

- JTP!
- JTP!

Drop a respectful apology b*at!

- Mom...
- Stop! It worked.

I forgive you.
I can't stay mad at my babies.

But... there's two hours left,
plus intermission.

I'm fine. Just go be kids.

So we're good here?

The kids are sorry,
you're back to dancing.

Not yet.

What about you? Anything you want toay?

Ha! You do have to apologize!

I do not! Do I?

Okay. You don't get it, do you?

I expect my kids
to only think of me as a mom,

but you're my husband.

You're supposed to think of me
as something more.

♪

Marriage is hard.

Get out of my house!

Even though my stubborn dad
hated apologizing,

this time he'd have to face the music.

Oh, whatever this is,
I'm not in the mood.

I'm just getting ready
for the big dance show

at the Jenkintown JCC.

Stop. Thanks to you, Murray,
I'm never dancing again.

Oh, I get it.

But there's gonna be
a Goldberg on stage tonight,

- no matter what.
- ["Flashdance" plays]

What are you doing?

The kids gave you an apology opera.

I'm giving you an I'm-sorry dance.

Well, dancing requires movement,

which is what you hate the most.

I think you'll find me shockingly agile.

♪ Well, I hear the music ♪

- Please stop.
- Can't stop.

Got flashdance fever.

I just ate.

Uh, okay, here comes the good stuff.

Ohh!

That was a stupid, stupid thing to do,

moving your body to music like that!

You were supposed to stop me
and go to your dance recital.

Well, everyone's right.
I am not a flashdancer.

I'm just a mom.

Not to me.

You're beautiful,
you're brave, you're strong.

Now I see why the kids write
their dumb songs.

This stuff is really hard to say.

Now go get your yenta friends
and get back on the dance floor.

I made them all quit.

Well, get them to un-quit.

'Cause that's what my pushy,
amazing wife would do.

[Gasps, groans]

♪

With that, Beverly Goldberg
forced her friends

back onto that stage.

But within moments,

my mom's harsh words came
flooding back to all of them.

And so, they completely forgot
their routine.

And then they rolled around in a panic.

[Bleep] Ginzy.

♪ ...nothing but a slow glowing dream ♪

[Record scratches]

Can we start again?

Is she asking me? Is this my decision?

Look at me. We got this.

And with one look,
my mom reminded them all

why they signed up for that
class in the first place.

They were moms, and that
meant they were tough.

They were fearless.

They were dancers.

Kinda.

Sure, their moves weren't
perfect, but it didn't matter.

That night, my mom didn't win
over a panel of stuffy judges.

She won over her judgy family.

Lookin' good, Beverly!

I know her! That's my mom!

That's my wife! She puts up with me!

♪ ...for my life ♪

It was a moment my mom and her
friends would never forget,

and a night I wish never had happened.

Oh, there he is.
How'd the jacket work out?

♪

Hey, kiddo.

I thought Emmy and I would be
best friends forever.

♪

You know the greatest thing
about your best friend?

What?

Even if you drift apart,
you always find a way back

and you pick up
right where you left off.

- You think?
- You'll always be friends.

Now go make this right with her.

In that moment,
I realized some cool jacket

wasn't gonna fix things with Emmy.

The answer was to just believe
in our friendship.

And so I rode through the dark night

to get back my best friend in the world,

even though I knew in my heart

it would change things
between us forever.

Hey, open up! We really gotta talk!

Uh... why are you at my window?

'Cause I screwed up.
But you gotta let me fix this.

I'd do anything to make Emmy happy,

even if it means she won't
be in my life as much.

So go get her back.

I... kinda never know what to say.

Lucky for you, her best friend
knows everything about her.

♪ Pictures come alive ♪

♪ Now I'm dancing through my life ♪

How'd you know
I got a thing for penguins?

A friend told me.

- ♪ What a feeling ♪
- [Chuckles]

Wow. When you said you'd set up Emmy,

I didn't know you meant Hot Brian.

Easy.

Well, she really is lucky to
have a best friend like you.

Turns out Pops was right.

Even if your best friend
sets off on a different path,

they never go too far.

For me and Emmy, we didn't end up

living next door to each other,
or even in the same city.

But to this day,
whenever we see each other,

we pick up right where we left off.

And it's not just the friendships
in life that change.

Sometimes those closest to you

can surprise you in ways
you never imagined.

All my mom wanted
was to prove to herself

that she could be more
than just Beverly Goldberg.

But in the end, my dad made her realize

that there really was
no one else in the world

that she needed to be.

That's the thing about family...

there's no one better

to put your heart and soul
on the line for

than the people who loved you
from the start.

_

Okay, I'm here
with the real Emmy Mirsky,

and I have a few questions for her.

So, how long have you known Adam?

Since we were .

- You only cried a little.
- Yes.

- Oops. You said...
- Do we have that on tape?

My favorite thing about Adam
is just that he's so funny

and just being able to make
everyone around him laugh.

You know, especially
when I go back and he shows me

all these ridiculous videos
that he took.

Like, we're just... we're insane.

We're complete lunatics.

And for us, it wasn't really
like, oh, a boy and a girl,

it was just like we were just
two crazy, bizarre kids

just wanting to, like,
goof off all the time.

The audience asks every single
time there's an Emmy episode

if, uh, if, uh, you and, uh, Adam

are secretly, madly, deeply
in love with each other?

No.

- Rawr!
- Aaaaah!

[Laughs] No. The answer is no.

He's gonna be very disappointed.

I doubt that.