03x09 - Fake ID's

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Saved by the Bell". Aired: August 20, 1989 to May 22, 1993.*
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Series follows a group of high school friends and their principal at the fictional Bayside High School in LA.
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03x09 - Fake ID's

Post by bunniefuu »

(bell rings)

♪ When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ♪

♪ I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ♪

♪ By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ♪

♪ I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

♪ If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ♪

♪ And my dog ate
all my homework last night ♪

♪ Ridin' low in my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ♪

♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

This week we have a big project
due in photography class.

I still haven't decided
on my subject,

but I have a feeling
any great-looking girl will do.

You know, Slater,
through this lens your nose hairs

look like the Amazon rainforest.

If you don't get
that camera out of my face,

I'm gonna have the natives
come out and eat you.

Yikes!

What's your photo project, Slater?

I was in my yard
and I saw these beautiful butterflies

and they were fluttering over
these delicate white roses...

(laughing)

What are you gonna do,
macho man?

I don't know yet, I'm still waiting
for the right inspiration.

Hello, inspiration!

- Screech, give me your camera.
- Why?

Zack?

(camera clicking)

- Should I say cheese?
- Bet you can't say it without a smile.

- Hi, I'm Zack Morris.
- Hi, I'm Danielle Gordon.

I see you're wearing
a USC sweatshirt.

- Are you a fellow Trojan?
- I just started. You too?

Oh, very perceptive.
I'm-- a photojournalism major.

Oh, here's a picture for you,

"Stranded motorist
desperately needs a phone--"

Pardon me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Here, use mine.

- Thank you.
- No problem.

Man, he's good, she's only
been here for two minutes.

An hour?

It's just a flat tire.

Excuse me, let me talk.

Thanks, but no thanks.

- I can change your tire for you.
- You are so sweet.

So sweet I could kiss you.

We'll discuss my fee later.

(Zack chuckles)

Hey, what happened, Preppie?
She dump you?

Guess again,
my high school friend.

Danielle my college honey
just asked me to meet her

- tomorrow night at The Attic.
- The Attic?

Wow, that sounds like fun.
There could be bats up there.

You're bats, Screech.

The Attic is an over-18 dance club
and Zack's only 16.

That may be true today, Slater,
but by tomorrow night

- we'll all be 18.
- Oh, no.

Mom said I have
to move out at 18.

- I gotta go look for a place.
- Wait, no, Screech.

- Good morning, class.
- All: Morning, Mr. B.

Now that you've all taken
a lot of pictures,

let's see what's developed.
(laughs)

Oh, hey!

- Nice picture, Kelly.
- Thanks, Mr. Belding.

Jeff's easy to photograph,
the camera loves him.

The camera's not
the only thing that loves him.

Is that the guy
she dumped Zack for?

That's old gossip, sir,
try and keep up.

Screech, would you hurry up?

If Belding catches us
making fake IDs we're dead.

- Finito.
- Hey, excellent.

You idiot, no one's
gonna believe I'm 54 years old.

Check it out, guys, my folks
will be going to sleep soon.

So when my mom says good night,
we're out of here.

- All: Out of here!
- (knocking on door)

- We're gone.
- Shh!

Come in.

Hi, guys.
I brought you a bedtime snack.

- Oh, food.
- Brownies.

Mom, come on,
we're not little kids anymore.

And we got the IDs to prove--

These are great, Mom, thanks.

- Aren't they, Screech?
- (mumbles)

Anything for my boys.

It's been so long since
Zack has had a sleep-over.

- What is she doing?
- Mom, what are you doing?

Checking for girls, what else?

Mom, come on, relax.

Relax?
I'm your mother.

I know you too well to relax.

Don't stay up too late.

Don't worry about that, Mom,
we're real tired.

Oh yeah, we probably
won't stay up much longer.

Okay.

Good night, guys.

Goodnight, Mom.

Gentlemen, let's do it.

Okay!

Let's party!

(dance music playing)

Zack, I'm scared.
What if we get caught?

They're not gonna catch us.
Just shut up and act old.

This guy couldn't spot a fake ID
if we nailed it to his forehead.

What are you trying to pull?
This ID is fake, man.

I can spot these things a mile away,
now get out of here.

Can you believe that guy
with a fake ID?

Some guys just can't wait
to grow up.

All right, thanks a lot.

Hey, cool scar, man.

Thanks, man,
it's a gift from my girl.

Why do they call you bouncers?
You don't really bounce people?

- Sometimes.
- It's all right, Joey,

- this hunk's with me.
- I am?

He is?

- Why didn't you say so, Reggie?
- But I'm not--

Come on, go on in,
it's all right.

Guys, help!
Guys!

Unison:
Hey, Babe!

- Yes.
- All right, Zack!

- It's good to be 18.
- Even Screech got a babe.

Guys, cut in.

(screams)
Guys!

- Excuse me. Hi.
- Hi.

- I'm glad you came.
- I'm glad you're glad.

- If he's glad, I'm glad.
- Great. Come on,

I want you to meet some friends.

Joan, Sandy, this is Zack,
the guy who changed my tire.

It was nothing really. I rescue beautiful
women all the time.

We never did discuss your fee.

I really don't..

(Slater clearing throat)

Oh, oh-- um-- this is--

Hi, I'm Zack's older, cooler,

more happening friend,
AC Slater.

What's the AC stand for?

Absolutely charmed.

How come I've never seen
you girls on campus before?

Save me, please.

Excuse me.

Why are you acting like a dweeb?

If Reggie comes looking for Don,
you haven't seen me. Shh!

Who's that?

That's our friend Don,
he's kind of shy.

- Would you like to dance?
- As soon as Donny lets go of my shoe.

Right.
Excuse me, I'm sorry.

I am terribly sorry.
Sorry.

Come on, why don't
you guys dance with us?

Look, Joan,

I've got a girlfriend
and I really don't know if I should--

Hey, I just want to dance,
not get married.

I can live with that.
Let's go.

Hey, fox, is this your Dorito?

Great, more for me.

Donny! I've been looking
everywhere for you.

Yikes!

Look, here's Jessie
and me at Disneyland.

Those aren't her real ears.

You know what?
Jessie would love this place.

- Did I tell you she's a great dancer?
- I know.

You showed us her kindergarten
tap dance picture.

Oh.

Is everybody having
a great time?

Danielle, we gotta split.

- Now.
- Oh wow!

- I can't believe it's 2:00 already.
- Are you serious?

I felt like we just got here.

I had a great time Zack. Maybe we can
meet tomorrow for lunch?

Gee, Danielle, I can't.

I'll be in the darkroom all day
working on a big project.

- Okay, call me?
- Sure.

Don't call me.

Smooth as always, eh, Slater?

Ha ha. Shut up.

(bouncer clears throat)

Donny fell asleep
while we were dancing.

Give him my number, okay?

I don't have a hand--

- Hey, I'm b*at.
- Both: Let's get out of here.

Hey, wait, wait, wait.

Isn't that Jeff
over there dancing?

- Yeah, but that's not Kelly.
- Where's not Kelly?

Whoa!

Good morning, guys.
How was your sleep-over?

Did you wear your jammies
with the little footsie-wootsies?

Don't start with me, Mama,
it's too early.

Good morning, everybody.

Are you gonna tell her
about Jeff?

I'm too tired to think right now.

- (bell rings)
- (screams)

Morning, everybody. Before we
take a look at your projects,

I wanna show you
what an experienced photographer

can do with a camera.
Lights please.

These are slides
of Mrs. B and me

on our trip to our wild,
exotic neighbor to the south,

San Diego.

I can barely contain myself.

This is Mrs. B at SeaWorld.

Why is she eating raw fish?

That is not Mrs. B,
that's Shamu...

the whale.

Notice the use
of shadow and light.

(snoring)

I said, notice the use
of shadow and light!

Oh yeah, yes, yes.
Shamu has an overbite.

She's a whale of a woman, sir,
a whale.

All right, all right,
I can take a hint.

Kelly, let's take a look
at your project.

I call my project,
"Portraits of My Guy."

Oh, it's very good use--

of natural light!

Well, Jeff looks good
in any light.

You should see him
under a disco light.

What happened?
You guys look terrible.

Leave us alone,
we were dancing at The Attic

- till 3:00 in the morning.
- Screech.

You went dancing
at The Attic without me?

Well, kind of,

but I did it for Zack.

Relax, Jessie, all he did all night
was talk about you.

- I missed you, Mama.
- You missed me?

- Uh-huh.
- Oo-ooh.

Wait a minute, you have
to be 18 to get into The Attic.

Not true, you could be 54.

Or have one of these.

Fake IDs! That's wrong.

That's immoral,
that's dishonest,

- that's--
- Cool, I want one of those.

Everybody goes to The Attic.

Even that sleazy,
slimy, smiley Jeff.

Kelly's Jeff?

You mean he was
with another girl?

- Bingo.
- That slimeball.

That's terr--
someone's gotta tell Kelly.

Yeah, but who's gonna tell her?

Don't look at me.

Believe me, Zack,
she'll thank you.

You maggot-mouthed liar,
you're just jealous.

- Jeff would never cheat on me.
- I saw it with my own eyes.

You're wrong, last night Jeff
went bowling with his roommates.

Why don't you mind your own
business and stay out of my life?

- What's going on out here?
- Nothing, just a rude customer.

Jeff, where are we going
Saturday night?

Oh-- uh-- Saturday.

Sorry, I have to work till 11:30

and you gotta be home
by midnight, right?

Maybe I can ask my mom
for an extension.

No, no, no,
we'll go out next Saturday.

We'll spend
the whole day together.

But I have to work
next Saturday.

Hey, I'm your boss,
I'll give you the day off.

We'll have fun.

Okay. Great.

Yeah, great.

Yeah, I love USC too.

College life is great, isn't it?

Yeah, funny,
but I never see you on campus.

See, when you're
a photojournalism major

you've gotta be out
snapping life as it happens.

- What's happening this weekend?
- You're what's happening, baby.

- I'll see you Saturday at The Attic.
- Okay, you've got a date.

- All right, see ya.
- Bye.

- I love college.
- (knocking)

Come in.

Honey, I have great news.

Peter, Paul and Mary
are in town.

Oh, are they
Uncle Lester's kids?

No, they are my favorite
singing group from the '60s.


Your father and I are gonna
see them on Saturday night.

Would you like to join us?

Gee, Mom, I'd love to,
but I told Slater

I'd stay over
at his house on Saturday

and it would break his heart
if I didn't come.

- But bring me back a souvenir?
- Okay.

- You have fun Saturday.
- I'll try.

You sure you guys want
to go through with this?

Yep, and if Kelly
doesn't believe you

maybe she'll believe us
when we catch Jeff in the act.

And when we catch that dog
we're gonna dance all over his face.

What if he's not there this time?

Then we'll just have to force
ourselves to have a good time.

I hear there are
great-looking guys there.

Yeah, especially since
I've been going there.

Spare me.

Hey, Screech, just make sure
you finish the IDs

for Jessie and Lisa, all right?

- See you later.
- See ya, Screech.

"Hey, Screech, just make sure
you finish IDs

for Jessie and Lisa."

Screech, do this;
Screech, do that.

They'll be sorry when I'm gone.

- Hi, Screech.
- Kelly?!

Kelly-- uh-- hi.

Screech,
can I ask you something?

Well-- not now, Kelly,

I'm busy making fake IDs
for Jessie and Lisa.

Why are you making them IDs?

Because we're going back
to The Attic tomorrow night.

Don't ask me why.

You were there with Zack, huh?

(High-pitched voice)
Yes.

Screech, did you see Jeff there?

Um...

um...

(crying)
um-mm.

Then it's true?
But why? I mean why--

- why would Jeff cheat on me?
- I don't know, Kelly.

Men are such fools.

I hope I never become one.

Where is Danielle?
She said she'd be here.

You don't think she stood me up?
I'm pretty cute, right?

- Is my hair okay? Is th--
- Yeah, yeah, you look fine.

Listen, don't take this personally,
but there are a lot of guys here

and I don't want them to think
that you and I are together.

Yeah, right.

Is this far enough?

- For now.
- Okay.

Slater, help me.

Reggie's back
and she's still hot for my bod.

Donny!

Oh, just my luck,
she likes hairy guys.

Yeah!
Go, Don!

Don!

Go, Don, go, Don...

♪ Puff the magic dragon
lived by the sea ♪

♪ And frolicked in the autumn mist
in a land called Honalee ♪

(humming)

He'll like this.

(humming, phone ringing)

Hello, Zack Morris' room.

Zack isn't in right now,
may I take a message?

Uh-huh.

"Danielle, running a little late.

Will meet you at 11:00

at The Attic."

What's The Attic?

Oh!

The dance club
he met you at last week.

Don't you worry,
he'll get it all right.

Sleeping at Slater's, huh?

Hey, is that Danielle over there?
I think I see her.

Naw, that wasn't her, man.

Zack!
You're getting on my nerves.

- You guys, you guys, you guys.
- Hey, Lisa, wait a second.

- What's going on?
- That's going on.

Check it out, Jeff the jerk.

Look at the bright side,
at least he's with the same girl.

That creep. All right,
everybody just calm down.

Lisa, you take the picture,
then, Slater,

you hit him while
he's blinded by the flash.

- With pleasure, Mama.
- Hi, guys.

- Kelly.
- What are you doing here?

- Don't you have a curfew?
- Besides, this place bites, Kelly.

- We were just leaving.
- Come on.

I thought this was
the happening place to be.

Everybody comes here.

Yes, Kelly, unfortunately
everybody comes here.

- Kelly, let's get out of here.
- No.

Thanks, guys,
but I have to deal with this myself.

Hi, can I cut in?

Kelly!

Hi.

Excuse us, Janet.

Kelly, what are you doing here?

I'd ask you the same thing,
but I already know the answer.

Why, Jeff?

It's not like we're
going steady or anything.

- I mean, I like you a lot--
- I broke up with a great guy for you.

You're very special to me,

but I'm just not ready
for a commitment right now.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I fell for a dishonest
jerk like you, goodbye.

You okay?

You were right, Zack.

I guess I should erase all those bad
things I wrote about you in my diary.

That'd be nice.

Thanks for being
such a good friend.

We're sorry, Kelly.

I'll be okay after a few minutes
of screaming in the ladies' room.

- Come on.
- Knock yourself out.

What happened
to your big bad babe?

Some guy tried to pick a fight with me.
She's out back taking care of him.

At least you have a date, Screech.
I got stood up.

Don't worry, honey,
Danielle will be here at 11:00.

Yeah, thanks, Mom.

- Mom!
- Mrs. Morris!

Mom, Mom, Mom, I can explain.

Good, good, you can start
by telling me how you got in here.

Piece of cake, all you need
is one of these little beauties.

That's nice, Screech.
I'll take those, thank you very much.

Now let's go, boys.
You are in big trouble.

Great.

Mom, I-- look-- I--

Zack, Hi. Did you get my message?
I'm sorry I'm late.

Oh, I got it all right.

Great, do you want to dance?

Mom, please,
I'll do laundry for a month?

I can't, something came up,
family problems.

Is this your mother?

No, this is my beautiful, intelligent,
young-looking older sister.

You know,
your brother's pretty hot.

So I've heard.

I'll call you.

- Mom--
- This is a pretty nice place.

- You boys should come back.
- Oh really?

What a cool mom!

Yeah, in about two years.

Oo-ooh, Mom!

No!

(instrumental theme music plays)
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