03x20 - Hold Me Tight

[bunniefuu]

(bell rings)

♪ When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ♪

♪ I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ♪

♪ By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ♪

♪ I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

♪ If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ♪

♪ And my dog ate
all my homework last night ♪

♪ Ridin' low in my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ♪

♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

This is Zack Morris for KKTY.

I'm here with the captain
of Bayside's wrestling team,

AC Slater,
for the first day of tryouts.

Tell me, Slater,
how is the team shaping up?

I'm getting a little worried if the rest of
them are anything like this guy.

(moaning)

Excuse me, why do you want
to be on the wrestling team?

I don't, I was just
cutting through the gym.

- Hey, sorry about that, kid.
- (groans)

This has been another
live report for KKTY.

Okay, Zack, you're on the air.

What?
I was just on the air.

No you weren't.
I just flipped on the switch, dummy.

Turn it off, bonehead, I'm done.

Excuse me?

You're perfect,
you don't need any excuses.

Can you tell me where
a Coach Sonski is?

I'm here to try out
for the wrestling team.

- But you're a girl.
- Gosh, you're quick.

- (whistle blows)
- All right, men,

everybody trying out for
the wrestling team line up over here.

Have your sign up cards ready.

That's my cue.

- Rodriguez, welcome back.
- Thanks, Coach.

Anderson, whoa,
you gotta lose some weight.

- AC, my man, my star.
- Hey.

Are we gonna
b*at Valley next week?

- They're gonna eat mat, sir.
- Group: Yeah.

Kristy Barnes.
(laughs)

That's cute, honey.
This is a gym, not a Jane.

Why don't you go upstairs to Home Ec
and bake us some brownies?

No, I wanna try out for the team.
I'm as good as anybody here.

Yeah, sure, toots.

Coach, are you saying you aren't
gonna let Kristy try out

- simply because of her sex?
- Yeah, the wrestling team's for guys.

You wanna wrestle
with the girls, date 'em.

That's not fair!

I don't have hair
and that's not fair either.

All right, men.

Hit the mats, I gotta pick
a team to b*at Valley next week.

It's wrong.
They won't even give me a chance.

I'm Zack Morris and I'm gonna
help you get that chance.

Guys, I want you to meet
Kristy Barnes.

- Hi, Kristy.
- Nice to meet you.

She needs our help. Coach won't
let her try out for the wrestling team.

- Why not?
- Because I'm a girl.

That's discrimination,
he can't do that.

He did it, Mama. What's your
big mouth gonna do about it?

We can't let him
get away with this.

And we won't. This is
sexist pigism of the worst kind.

- But what can we do about it?
- We gotta fight back.

- We'll go right to the top on this.
- Don't be an idiot, Zack,

President Bush is too busy.

No, you twink,
we'll take it to Mr. Belding.

Underneath it all,
he's a fair-minded, sensitive man

and a real friend
to the students.

(Belding laughing)

Hello, everybody.

I've got the funniest topic
for my show today.

- What?
- Coach Sonski says that some girl

came in to try out
for the wrestling team.

Can you believe it?

Here's your food, guys.

Where's mine?

Get it yourself,
Miss Digging for Dirt.

There goes your tip.

Kristy, we're gonna get you
that wrestling tryout

- before you can say Hulk Hogan.
- What do you mean?

Jessie's about to use
the power of the airwaves.

This is Jessica Spano
for "Spano Speaks."

There were a lot of snorts and grunts
heard at Bayside yesterday,

and they weren't just from
the sweaty, red-faced wrestlers.

They were from the snouts
of Bayside's two biggest sexist pigs,

Coach Sonski
and Principal Richard Belding.

- Kelly: Whoa, be careful.
- Way to go, Jessie.

I'd like to present them
with the Double Swine Award.

(pig snorts)

I say if a woman wants
to wrestle with the grunts,

that's her business.

So, fellow students,
support women's rights.

(pop music playing)

(chanting)

You are too much.
How can I thank you for all of this?

I'll think of
something interesting.

- (chanting continues)
- Yo, what's goin' on here?

Get off those mats.
I just had them pressed.

Stop macho pigism!

It is absolute
pandemonium in the gym.

Coach Sonski, how does it feel
to be the most hated man at Bayside?

Oh, I don't care if I'm hated.

I have pets at home
that love me.

Probably a pig.

No, no, we won't go!
No, no, we won't go!

- No, no, we won't go!
- I want all you kids outta here.

- No, no, we won't go!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!

- What is going on here?
- No, no, we won't go!

- No, no, we won't go!
- (Belding shouting)

- Hey-ey!
- ...we won't go!

A hush falls over the crowd as
the other most hated man at Bayside

- enters the gym.
- Quiet, please.

You can't shut us up.
We want equal opportunity for Kristy.

And we're not leaving
until she gets it.

- All: Yeah!
- I mean if that's okay.

Belding, you gonna let these kids
tell you how to run your school?

Well, of course not.

Am I really hated?

Yes-sssss!

Mr. B, Coach, look,

she says she's a good wrestler,
why not let her try out?

It's her right as a chick.
I mean as a liberated chick.

Come on, Coach,
why not give her a chance?

Okay, I'm sensitive to dames.
I watch "Oprah."

- All: Yeah!
- Slater: All right, Coach.

But if the little sweetie gets m*nled,
I'm not responsible.

- What do you weigh, honey?
- 110 pounds.

Folks, we have
just witnessed history.

This is the first girl at Bayside
to admit her weight.

Rodriguez, ándale.

Don't worry, little girl,
I won't hurt you.

- Oo-ooh, I'm shaking.
- All right, take your positions.

Kristy faces a tough test,
Rodriguez is one of Bayside's

best wrestlers
and reigning nerd-toss champion.

- (crowd cheering)
- All right. Ready.

- On the whistle.
- (whistle blows)

(cheering continues)

Do you believe in miracles?
Well, Kristy wins in a stunning upset.

I hope this doesn't affect
his nerd tossing, Zack.

Look at her,
not a hair out of place.

- Hey, you're really good, Kristy.
- Thanks.

- What do you think, Coach?
- With you and the babe

we got a great chance
of winning the league this year.

Welcome to the team, Kristy.

Way to go, Kristy.

- Kristy, you were terrific.
- I couldn't have done it without you.

We sisters have to stick together.

- And a special thanks to you, Zack.
- Well, I...

Hey!

I tell you, this is
one hold I could get used to.

Here, it's on the house
for making the team.

All right.
Make a wish.

- I wish we'd b*at Valley.
- All: Yeah!

- Can I have the candle?
- Sure, you want to lick the icing?

No, I love to chew wax.

He was raised by wolves.

- This looks delicious.
- Too bad you can't eat it.

- You're in training now.
- You're right. You take it, Zack.

- I wouldn't be on the team without you.
- Well, thanks.

See you later, we gotta
head to the radio station.

- Come on, Screech.
- Oh wait, Zack,

- are you gonna eat that wrapper?
- No, why?

After eating wax, there's nothing like
a good wrapper to wash it down.

(groans)

Get out of here.
Come on.

Jessie, thanks for helping me
make the team.

I just stood up
for what I believed in.

Oh, she's a cute little feminist,
isn't she?

You're on thin ice, bubba.

Don't you ever go off duty, girl?

Kristy, that was a great move
you put on Rodriguez.

- Where'd you learn it?
- From you.

You used it on Ninick
in last year's city championship.

- You saw me?
- You were awesome.

You know, this year
you are gonna be state champion.

How about that, Mama?
Isn't that great?

Oh golly, yes.

Would you mind showing me
your best hold sometime?

Yeah, sure.

How about right now?
I'm not busy.

- Do you mind, Jessie?
- No, Jessie doesn't mind.

Nah, she's your biggest
supporter.

Come on, let's go hit the mats.

Where did everybody go?

Jessie doesn't
care to discuss it.

This is Zack Morris
broadcasting live from a place

where no guy has gone before.
Know where?

- (screams)
- Oh-ho, you guessed it.

I'm in the girls' locker room.

I'm in no-man's land to interview
Bayside's newest--

hey, and cutest wrestler,
Kristy Barnes.

Get out of here. What are you doing?
You're gonna get in trouble.

No risk is too great to capture
the athlete in her natural habitat.

You're nuts.

Tell me, Kristy, what's it like being
the only girl on the wrestling team?

It's fun.
The guys are really nice to me.

Probably because I can
pin most of them.

- Now get out of here.
- Not until we get a little personal.

Every guy at Bayside
wants to know one thing.

Okay, what's that?

- What kind of guy does Kristy like?
- Oh, I don't know.

Perhaps the kind of guy who would
sneak into a girls' locker room?

Maybe. Look, Zack,
I gotta hit the showers.

Hey, no sweat,
we'll just do the interview in there.

Oh no we won't!

This is Zack Morris reporting live
from the promised land.

This has been real fun. Would you like to
go to the movies tonight?

- Yeah, I'd love to.
- Pick you up at about... 7:30?

- Yeah, okay.
- Zack Morris!

I know you're in here!

And if I catch you in here,

you... are... suspended!

Where are you Morris?!

Morris?

Morris?!
Mor... ris?

- Gotcha!
- (both scream)

That principal who was in the girls' locker
room will remain nameless.

And now, I've saved
the juiciest item for last.

- Where does Lisa get this stuff?
- She's good, Jessie.

She knew about my zit
at the big game.

What school hunk and lady wrestler
are putting the moves

- on each other outside the gym?
- What?

Take it from me, this new couple
is flipping over each other.

- That can't be.
- She wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.

As you know, I never lie.

I saw them with my own
beautiful brown eyes.

- Are you sure?
- Surely a match made in heaven.

I don't believe you.
You're lying. You're lying.

(radio static fades)

She's my friend,
but not my best friend.

Actually I hardly even know her.

I'm still having trouble with those
escape holds you were showing me.

Okay, okay, look,
they're not too hard.

Let's try the Full Nelson Escape.
Go ahead, put me in one.

(gasps)
Too cool.

All right, now you try it.

Whoa, that was pretty good, Kristy.
Not bad.

You worked on the Full Nelson
and the Half Nelson,

why don't you show her
the Willie Nelson?

That's a country
and wrestling joke.

♪ I got spurs
that jingle-jangle-jingle ♪

Can I try the Reverse
Bearhug Escape?

Yeah, sure.

- I wanna get this right.
- Okay.

Good, just hold me tighter.

Wow, you're really strong.

(Jessie screams)

I loved the movie.
So romantic.

- Wasn't Michelle Pfeiffer beautiful?
- Compared to you, she was a bow-wow.

- Come on, Zack.
- No, I mean it, Kristy.

You look so great tonight.
So much like a-- like a girl.

I am a girl, you know?

I know all right. I was watching
you more than the movie.

Well, look who's here.

If it's not Bayside's
big bad lady wrestler.

Why don't you just leave us alone?
We're on a date.

Shut up, Morris
or I'll twist you into a pretzel.

Look, I don't want any trouble.

Why don't you go back to Valley
and find your brain?

What's your problem?
Are you nuts? Just chill--

- Are you gonna leave us alone?
- No.

Oh, ouch, okay.

We're not just gonna b*at you,
we're gonna m*rder you.

b*at it!

(crowd laughs)

- Are you okay, Zack?
- I-- yeah, I guess.

Wow, Kristy,
you're one very strong woman.

Yeah, it's lucky for you
she was here, huh, Morris?

Yeah, lucky me.

♪ KKTY... Bayside ♪

This is Jessica Spano
for "Spano Speaks."

Recently I gave an editorial
supporting a girl's right

to wrestle on a guys' team.

Boy, was I ever wrong.

Girls have absolutely
no business wrestling guys.

The poor dears could get hurt.

In conclusion, keep your hands
off our men, Kristy.

What was that all about?
I thought you were all for Kristy.

I know you are.

What's that supposed to mean?

"Oh, Slater, you're so strong.
Hold me tighter."

So that's what this is all about.
You're jealous.

Come on,
I was just helping a teammate.

Oh yeah? When was the last time
you held Rodriguez like that?

Why would I want a girl like Kristy
when I can have a nut-cake like you?

Don't try flattering me,
it won't get you anywhere.

Men!

Chicks!

I can't believe it.
Jessie was my biggest supporter.

- Why would she say those things?
- Maybe she's having a bad day.

That's not it, her hair's too tight.

I told her not to wear barrettes
while the moon was full.

What?

It's the gravitational pull
on the follicles.

She was a helpless
victim of nature.

- Hi, Kristy.
- I'm glad you're here. Did you hear--

Kristy, I can't go
to the movies with you tonight.

I have to... study.

- Both: Study?!
- Another casualty of the moon.

I'd better get home
before it gets dark.

Okay, Zack, why don't we just go
to the movies tomorrow night?

Kristy, it isn't that.
I just--

I just don't think we should
see each other anymore.

It's not working out between us.

Oh.

Does this have anything to do
with what happened on our date?

- Well--
- What a great day.

First Jessie wants me off
the wrestling team

and now you can't handle
going out with a girl wrestler.

I'm gonna make you both happy,
I'm quitting the team.

I would feel the same
even if she wasn't trying

- to wrestle my man away from me.
- Your man?

Kristy doesn't like Slater,
she likes me.

Ha, ha, ha,
I could see right through it.

- I knew she liked Slater.
- Jessie, read my lips,

Kristy likes me, not Slater.

But Lisa said Kristy was going out
with a school hunk.

And what do I look like?
A bologna sandwich?

Oops.
What have I done?

Yeah, what have we done?

I was a jealous,
possessive fool.

And I was a fool too, as usual.

Well, we blew it.

We can't let her quit the team.
I'll go talk to her.

No, no, no, you've talked enough.
I'll go talk to her.

Let's hope she doesn't
body slam me.

Leave me alone, Zack.

I told you,
I don't want to talk to you.

Then I'm coming in.

You better get out of here.

If Belding catches you,
you're gonna get suspended.

- I don't care. I have to talk to you.
- It's a free country, talk.

Kristy, this isn't
easy for me to say,

but I was embarrassed when you wouldn't
let me fight the guy at The Max.

So?

So the point is a guy
should protect the girl.

I couldn't handle it
when you had to protect me.

- I didn't mean to embarrass you.
- I know that.

Kristy, you love wrestling.
Don't quit the team over a jerk like me.

Do you really mean it?

Jerk's honor.

Will you ever forgive me?

On one condition --

if you take me
to the movies tomorrow night.

I'd be afraid not to.

Okay, sports fans,
this should be a great contest.

Briggs and Slater
are both undefeated.

And they've never
lost either, Zack.

Ready? Okay!

Here comes Slater, he's got guts!
Slam down Valley! Kick their butts!

Let me tell you, this promises
to be a long, grueling match.

Wrestlers ready!

(whistle blows)

(whistle blows)

Yes, yes, and Slater wins
in record time.

Bayside and Valley are tied,
three matches apiece, with one to go.

Zack:
Tension is mounting.

This match will determine
the winner of the meet.

Will it be Valley's
Skipper Skulnick?

Or Bayside's first female wrestler
in league history, Kristy Barnes?

I think so, Zack.

All right, Kristy,
it's up to you now.

If you get into trouble
just remember what I taught you.

All right.

Hey, Kristy, I'm sorry,
I was wrong about you.

- And you too.
- It's okay, Mama.

I'm used to you by now.

All right,
all right, here we go.

One, two, three, Tigers!

Wrestlers... take your places!

Places! Ready!

(whistle blows, crowd cheering)

Skulnick and Barnes
are circling each other.

(crowd cheering)

Zack: Oh, no, Skulnick
has Barnes in a Full Nelson.

- She's in trouble.
- Come on, Kristy, you can do it.

- Fight him, Kristy!
- Yeah, yeah!

Skulnick is forcing Kristy
to the mat.

Do something, Zack.

Kristy, use the hold
you used at The Max.

(cheering continues)

(whistle blows)

All right!

Kristy, how does it feel
to make league history?

- Great!
- (Zack groans)

Ladies and gentlemen,
that was Kristy Barnes,

our new star wrestler
and also my date for tonight.

If anyone has a problem with that,
she'll b*at you up.

(instrumental
theme music playing)