03x02 - You Never Know

[bunniefuu]

( Radio playing )

( Phone )

Hello.

Hello

( male ) Hi, may I speak with Joe Marti, please?

Speaking.

Joe, glad I caught you.

Is this a sales call?

I just wanted to let you know that a representative from Ameritech Vinyl Windows will be in your area...

I'm not interested.

There's absolutely no obligation to buy anything at this...

Look, I said no.

For a limited time we're offering interest free...

Hey.

Goodbye, assh*le.

f*ck, he's got a g*n!

( g*nsh*t )

Get down!

( Reaming )

Hey, remember me?

Daniel, what the hell?

Oh my god...

Please, no please...

f*ck you.

( Whimpering )

( g*nsh*t )

( Radio )

Hello?

( Moaning )

Is this okay?

Yeah.

You're sure you're comfortable?

Aren't you?

Do you want to get on top?

I don't have to, do you want me to?

If you want to.

But I'm fine like this.

Maya's right there.

( Phone ) She's not looking.

I know, but...

( Lisa ) Hi, this is Lisa...

( Nate ) And Nate...

( Lisa ) And Maya...

C'mon, sweetie...

And we're the Fisher family.

Leave a message.

( Carol ) Hi Lisa, it's Carol.

Please pick up if you're there.

I don't know where else you could be, both your cars are in my driveway.

Listen, I need muffins.

Corn muffins.

I have an intense craving for miniature corn muffins.

Please, this is my one hour a day to eat carbs!

Shut up.

Stop ignoring me!

Don't make her the muffins.

Don't make her the muffins.

Hello?

♫ For the flowers that bloom in the spring tra la ♫

♫ we promise a merry sunshine ♫

♫ as we merrily dance and we sing tra la ♫

♫ we welcome the hope that they bring tra la ♫

♫ of a summer of roses and wine of a summer of roses and wine ♫ that's great.

♫ And that's what we mean when we say that a thing ♫

♫ is welcome as flowers that bloom in the spring ♫ David.

♫ Tra la la la la tra la la la la ♫ David.

It's a little early.

Sorry.

I just want to make sure I get it right.

Some of the guys in this chorus are so good.

One of them even recorded with chanticleer.

You sound great.

I even dreamed about singing last night.

Oh, you weren't just dreaming.

♫ Tra la la la la oh god, punch me next time!

I did.

What happened to your uniform?

I tore it getting a Frisbee out of a tree.

Why were you...

That's what security guards do, David.

We help people.

I'm leaving.

Do you think you'd like beef blast pizza rolls?

Uhm, I doubt it.

Me neither.

But with the double coupon it's practically free.

Maybe the boys will like them.

I might not be home tonight.

Take a sweater.

( Phone )

( Ruth ) You've reached the Fisher family.

Please leave a message.

( Sarah ) Ruth, are you there?

It's Sarah.

I'm just checking in on you.

I know what a drag it is when you're out of work, thought you might want to come up to Topanga for the day.

I could make some of aunt may's German potato salad.

I know you like that, call me, bye.

You liked her potato salad.

I hated it.

It just...

It just never occurs to you that a madman will walk into your husband's office and suddenly...

He's gone.

No, of course not.

And then there's telling the children...

We have two girls, 12 and 16.

What should I say to them to make them feel better?

What?

Well...

You could...

( Knocking )

Hello.

Glad you could make it.

Nate, this is Dorothy Milne.

Nate Fisher.

That's my partner.

I'm very sorry about your husband.

I know those are just words, but...

But we'll work together with you to give him a fitting tribute.

Thank you...

Everything's already been taken care of.

We're done.

Okay.

Then let me walk you to your car.

I didn't even go to my prom.

If somebody had asked me I probably would have freaked out.

I took Nancy pollard.

She smelled like fried chicken.

Why?

I don't know, she just did.

I got a bottle of champagne with my friend Parker and we climbed the fence to school, and we just sat in the quad, and got drunk, and said good f*cking bye to high school.

Nice.

Then we both totally started crying.

Why?

I don't know.

I guess we were like saying goodbye to our childhood, or whatever.

It just seemed sad.

Yeah?

I mean, I hated f*cking high school, but still...

It was my life.

It was all I knew, and now it was just over.

God, could I be anymore pathetic?

You're not pathetic.

You're just sensitive.

I know.

I'm too sensitive.

No, you're perfect.

What time do you have to get up?

Oh f*ck, I have to get up in like three hours.

And I haven't even done the assignment yet.

You keep distracting me.

I keep distracting you?

Yeah, my hands are like magnetically drawn to your d*ck.

What is the assignment?

I have to read and critique some theoretical conceptual bullshit.

They make you take all the boring classes with theory before they let you do anything cool with Clay.

I know exactly how you feel.

No, you don't.

That's why I dropped out of music school.

All I wanted to do was write great music, but they had me studying all this sh*t that had nothing to do with anything.

They try to program your mind so you're exactly like everyone else.

Don't let them do that to you.

You're too talented.

Do you think so?

What, you think I like you just 'cause you have the softest skin I've ever felt?

I don't know...

You're amazing, Claire.

Hello, beautiful ladies.

Good morning.

Thank you for letting me sleep in.

Does your brother like eggplant?

Uhm, I don't know.

I guess.

I figured we could grill some salmon tonight, I just don't know what else.

Is that tonight?

Yes.

Can we cancel?

It was your idea.

I know, and it sounded good at the time, but I see David at work every day, and it's not like I'm dying to spend some quality time with Keith.

You wanted David to see Maya.

Okay, you're right, we'll do it.

Your uncle David's coming over, won't that be fun, huh?

Yeah, yeah!

I'll try once more.

Please?

I'll try once more.

Thank you.

Lisa, you're being careful, right?

I'm being very delicate.

Hey, Maya.

Maya.

Honey, really, I think you're going too deep.

Nate, you worry too much.

Just because you deal with people dying every day...

Look, I've noticed that sometimes after you clean her ears, she doesn't respond as quickly, and...

So, you think I've injured her?

Of course not, I'm just saying that maybe there's some ringing in her ears after you clean them.

Nate.

I know whether my child can hear or not.

And she can hear.

She's been tested and she can hear.

Right, your child.

I didn't mean...

Look, I know I'm just the father, but I'm every bit as committed to her as you are.

Nate...

I'm just trying to help.

I gotta get to work.

( Phone )

( Ruth ) You've reached the Fisher family.

Please leave a message.

( Sarah ) Ruth, it's Sarah.

I'm disappointed you didn't call back.

I'll be honest, I was trying to trick you into coming out here.

I need you.

I hurt my back and I'm all alone...

What did you do?

I fell off a ladder.

Have you seen a doctor?

He told me to stay in bed and he gave me a prescription for Vicodin.

What do you need me to do?

Pick it up for me?

Give me the address of the pharmacy.

Oh Ruth, I knew I could count on you.

Are you doing this with me?

Yes.

I can do it myself, David.

Well, I'm sure that's true.

But Nate and I have found it's helpful to have two people in there.

Why, so one of you can sleep late?

And of course, we'll place an obituary notice in the paper.

No.

We'd like to keep this private and as simple as possible.

You see this kind of thing on t-v, and you think, oh my god, those poor people...

But now it's happening to us, and we have to see it every time we turn it on...

Thank you.

We knew that Daniel was a troubled boy, but we really thought he was getting better.

Your son isn't the one who did the sh**ting...?

Yes.

I'm sorry, we can't possibly...

Imagine what you must be going through, but you can rest assured, we will do everything we can to help you through this dark time.

Thank you.

Fisher and sons has never turned down a funeral, and neither will Fisher and Diaz.

Oh, that's great, that's great, so you know what?

When Dorothy Milne is crying over her husband's casket I'll be sure to tell her that you're in the next room arranging flowers around the f*cking man who k*lled him.

The services will be held on different days.

There will be no conflict.

Oh c'mon man, I know you like to make a buck, but isn't this going a little far?

That's got nothing to do with it.

The funeral isn't for the deceased, it's for the living.

Oh really?

Yeah, I read the same book as you.

Do you think Mr. and Mrs. Showalter are in any less pain than Dorothy Milne?

Maybe I don't give a sh*t.

Maybe if they did a better job in raising their kid he wouldn't have k*lled all those people.

Rico, you can't blame them.

Yes, I can blame them and I do.

Well, whether you like it or not, this is your job.

You're going to have to put your feelings aside.

Now, I need you to go to the morgue and pick up his body.

f*ck you, you pick it up.

I got nothing to do with this.

Oh, hello, I'm Ruth, Sarah's sister.

Well, too bad you didn't get here five minutes ago.

You could have cleaned up her puke.

I'm Bettina, come on in.

Sarah, your sister's here!

Ruth!

My goodness, you look awful.

Bettina, can we have a moment alone?

Why?

Because she's my sister and we need to talk.

What's in the bag?

It's just the...

Some things I asked her to bring for me.

Lip balm, hair clips, strawberries...

Well, no...

Fork it over.

Ruth, quickly!

Ruth, help me!

I'm being held hostage!

Shut your yappy mouth or I'll g*dd*mn tape it shut!

Goodness, what's going on?

Ruth, please!

Do I have to carry you back to the bed or are you going to walk by yourself?

Huh?

Huh?

Bitch.

Give me the bag.

It's her Vicodin.

She has a prescription.

Of course she does.

She has Vicodin prescriptions at half the pharmacies in L.A.

Oh.

Your sister's into her second day of withdrawal.

She begged me to make sure she got through it no matter what!

f*ck that, I was high!

I'm sorry, Keith, I'm having problems at the morgue.

Why didn't you call me before?

Because I didn't know this was going to take so long.

I'm sorry.

Fine, whatever.

I'll see you tonight.

He can't make it.

Sorry for wasting your time.

You don't need to leave.

You and I can talk.

We can do that?

Sure, why not?

Tell me about that phone call, how did it make you feel?

Pissed off.

But I'm working on my anger management technique.

Taking a lot of deep breaths.

That's good.

Have you been feeling a lot of anger toward David lately?

I've been giving myself so many damn time-outs I haven't been feeling much of anything, just numb.

Maybe this is a good time to let some of that anger out.

I'm fine.

Pretend David's sitting right there next to you.

What do you want to say to him?

Anything that comes to mind.

Relax.

Stop trying so hard, you're making me nervous.

What other things would you like to tell him that you don't like about him?

I hate your stupid little buckwheat pillow.

And I hate your...

Nose spray.

I hate the way you eat, you take little bitty bites and then you put down your fork after every little bite like you're some f*cking prince!

I hate the way you always want to fall asleep with your head on my shoulder.

Your head is heavy.

I hate the way you always make me feel like I'm my father, by letting me walk all over you.

What?

I always thought by being gay I'd avoid f*cking my mother, but I guess that's not the case.

Have you thought about seeing a therapist on your own?

Wow, this is great.

It's my polenta, you like it?

It's delicious.

Thank you.

( Phone )

Hello.

Hi, it's Carol.

Hello?

Lisa, I'm at Mark Harmon and Pam Dawber's place in the mountains.

Listen, their cook knows nothing.

I need you to walk him through your basil vinaigrette.

Right now?

Yes, the salad's waiting.

What?

I've got to deal with this.

Okay, go ahead, I'll start the grill.

I still have a load of laundry to do.

I'll do it, go.

Lisa?

Hey, Lis, Lisa?!

I'm sorry about this morning.

Oh, god, me too.

Are you still there?

I just worry about Maya.

I get so scared something's going to go wrong.

Nothing's going to go wrong.

Salad dressing!

I know, Maya has the best mom in the world.

Hello!?

Uh-huh.

I need dressing!

I mean, Gabe was definitely exciting in kind of a sick way.

I think Phil's like, the only guy who's ever really understood me.

That's cool.

Not even my imaginary friends understand me.

Or maybe they do, they just don't like me.

I think you need better imaginary friends.

No, I think they're the best I can do.

So, what do you really like about this guy?

I don't know...

He's sweet.

He's hot.

Nice.

He's got his own band.

It's Keanu Reeves, isn't it?

Yes, exactly.

I knew it.

But come on, Claire, those are superficial things.

And you seem like anything, but superficial.

So...

What do you really like about him?

Well, I like the way he treats me, you know?

He makes me feel good, like I'm kind of okay...

Like I'm smart and...

Talented and pretty.

Hello...

Totally embarrassing.

No, no, no, women tell me this kind of thing all the time.

I'm the guy who listens.

Yeah, you do listen...

That's really nice about you.

I really like talking to you.

I like listening to you.

Well, I hope it could go both ways.

If you're dating anyone, you can totally talk to me.

Thanks, but no, I'm not dating.

No dating.

I think I'm kind of allergic, actually.

I start itching and I swell up and bleed profusely.

But no, it sounds really nice.

Having somebody in your life that makes you hate yourself less.

I could use that.

Oh come on, I mean, you're great.

I wasn't fishing.

I'm serious, Russell, I think you're great.

Well, tell me that when it's two in the morning and I'm laying in bed and I'm eating my fourth bowl of cereal, and I'm just b*ating myself up for some stupid thing I said in the eighth grade.

What kind of cereal?

Captain crunch.

Oh my god, I think we're twins.

I don't know, this whole, "oops, I'm pregnant" thing still sounds kind of suspicious to me.

I'm just surprised he married her, but if Nate's happy, that's all I care about.

So, are you still mad at me about this morning?

I'm really sorry I missed therapy.

No, I was happy you weren't there.

Frank was too.

Frank loves me!

Yeah, but he thinks you've got a lot of work to do on yourself.

That's so not true!

I mean, maybe it's true, but he'd never say that.

So, did you talk about me the whole time?

After we both decided you were a hopeless, passive-aggressive guilt sponge we decided to move on to more important things.

God, I'm never gonna miss therapy again.

You bet you won't, bitch.

( Laughing )

Well, hello.

Nate.

Hey Dave, how are you?

Good to see you.

Keith, good to see you.

Lisa used to burn the f*ck out of everything until I discovered the miracle of low, even heat.

The secret is mesquite wood chips.

Gotta use mesquite.

No, man, that's just a gimmick.

It's the marinade that makes all the difference.

I just like wearing the apron.

Nate, where did you put her blue blankie?

It took forever to put her down.

You know she can't sleep without it.

I didn't put it anywhere.

I couldn't find it.

Did you give her mister fat Fanny?

She likes him.

He's in her sweet little hands.

Alright.

I think we're ready.

Let me go wash up.

Where's your little boys' room?

The bathroom is in the back, behind the kitchen.

But don't flush the toilet.

We don't want to wake Maya.

So, how's the choir going?

Well, it's not a choir, it's a chorus, but it's going well.

Great.

I can't wait to hear you.

Oh, no eggplant for me.

I'll take his.

Mozzarella?

Yes.

( Flushing )

( Baby crying )

Great.

I'll go.

What'd I miss?

You woke the baby.

It wasn't asleep.

Yes, it was.

It wasn't.

It looked at me when I went in.

( Lisa ) Damn, I told him not to flush.

( Nate ) Maybe he had to flush.

David said he had that irritable bowel thing.

Ew.

Why did you tell him that?

It just came up.

Well, please don't discuss my private stuff with anyone.

I'm sorry.

We're never going to get her back to sleep.

And by the way, I only peed.

You shouldn't have flushed.

It wasn't asleep!

♫ Maya, row the boat ashore ♫

♫ hallelujah

♫ Maya, row the boat ashore ♫

♫ hallelujah

♫ my brothers and sisters are all aboard ♫

( laughing )

That song has never sounded so creepy before.

I know.

♫ ... are all aboard hallelujah ♫

You gotta be kidding me.

What is he doing here?

Hey, wasn't my idea.

Ooh, look at you, in your fancy f*cking suit.

I knew I never should have hired you.

No, what you shouldn't have done is fire me.

You were a f*ck up.

Jesus, could you have made the hole a little bigger?

Why can't you guys sh**t yourselves in the heart once in a while?

Maybe I was trying to make a statement.

Besides, it's really not my problem.

Oh yeah, nothing's your problem.

Blow me, dead man.

He had a wife and kids, assh*le.

Lucky him, I didn't have sh*t.

So, whose fault is that?

You couldn't even show up to work on time.

Maybe if you hadn't been such a g*dd*mn prick.

It's because of people like you that I had to do this.

What are you saying, this is my fault?

I'm just saying...

A guy can take only so much before he snaps.

Hey, hey!

You know, we all have to deal with a lot of sh*t, alright?

But when I snap, I throw something or I punch a wall, I don't pick up a shotgun and start k*lling people.

Yeah...

So far.

God, it feels so good to sit here and do absolutely nothing.

We relax all the time.

You have to.

So, how do you like your new job, Keith?

Uh, well, it pretty much sucks.

It's temporary.

We're both going through a lot of changes right now.

All good though.

So, how's the therapy going?

Uhm, good.

Good, we're not fighting so much, I mean we never really fought that much, but...

We're getting along much better.

Nate and I never fight.

Never?

No.

You two have never had a fight?

Not really.

I don't know how you do it.

We've known each other for so long, I guess we just understand each other.

Mmm-hmm.

Even so, I would think having a baby adds so much stress.

Actually, having a baby helps put everything in perspective.

You'll see when you have kids.

If we have kids.

Knock, knock!

Oh look, a party.

Hello, I'm Carol, Lisa's boss.

Keith.

I'm David Fisher.

This is my house.

Well, you're back early.

There's nothing to do in the mountains.

Nothing.

I mean, like fresh air is such a big deal.

At least no one parks in my driveway there.

Oh, should we move?

Lisa, I would love some cinnamon toast and a cup of tea.

Could you wait just a little bit?

You would not believe the day I've had.

Who is my most bitter enemy, the one person I hate most in the world?

We're having a little get-together...

Ehh, Melissa Gilbert!

And who opens the door at Mark and Pam's house?

That's right, Melissa Gilbert.

It was like staring at evil itself.

Carol, you're not listening to me.

Honey, I heard you.

You're having a party.

They've had you all day, I need you right now.

Bring my toast up to my bath and I'll tell you how I made Melissa cry.

Go ahead, we're fine.

Man, can you believe Lisa?

I've never met anyone whose self-perception is so far removed from reality.

Keith, what were you talking about in there?

"If" we have kids?

Just what I said, "if" we have kids.

I thought we decided a long time ago that we'd have kids.

When did this change?

Who are you kidding?

We're in therapy now to see if we can even exist as a couple.

Everything about us is "if".

But that shouldn't change our goals.

I'm just being realistic.

I don't want to put myself in a situation where I end up turning into my father.

( Car alarm )

I guess maybe I'm a little more optimistic about our future than you are.

Oh, get real.

You and I are living day to day and you know it.

( Car starting )

Oh god, I'm freezing.

Oh god, this sucks.

I'm dying...

It'll pass.

Give me a Klonopin.

You wanted to do this natural.

I already gave you the kava-kava and the valerian root...

They're not doing sh*t.

Give me a Klonopin!

She's impossible.

( Howling )

Now, give me an Ambien.

Sarah, really.

It'll put her to sleep.

Anything to shut you up.

Now I'm burning up.

A moment ago you were freezing.

Well now, I'm burning up!

Now what?

Diarrhea!

This is what playing with dr*gs will get you.

It's not pretty, is it?

( Howling )

You get Carol all tucked in?

After eight slices of cinnamon toast and a Popsicle.

( Sighing )

It was nice seeing David and Keith tonight.

Yeah.

I feel so sorry for them.

Yeah, how come?

I mean, god, they've been together such a short time, and already they need counseling?

Well, they're just...

If they have so many problems, why even stay together?

It's not like they have a kid to take care of.

I don't know.

Maybe they love each other.

Oh...

What?

What detergent did you use?

I don't know, whatever was there.

It smells like tide.

So, I guess I used the tide.

You have to use the dreft.

Maya gets a rash from anything else.

Those aren't Maya's clothes, they're ours.

Yeah, but I hold Maya all day long.

So, why do we even have tide?

I'm sorry I wasn't following you around taking notes.

Nate, don't get mad.

I thought you knew to use the dreft.

Well, obviously I didn't, now I do.

Are we okay here?

Yeah we're okay, I just have to wash this all over again.

No, you don't.

Here, put those down.

I'll do it.

Thank you.

Good afternoon.

Is he...?

He's right in there.

Mr. and Mrs. Showalter.

I'll be here the whole time.

Please let me know if there's anything at all I can do for you.

Is that another son?

I hope you frisked him.

Please try to show a little sensitivity.

Hey, I did my job.

I cleaned him up all nice.

Sure, I was tempted to maybe leave a hand or a foot UN-embalmed so he could stink like he should, but no, no...

I'm a professional.

Then act like one.

These people loved this man.

They didn't know him as a m*rder*r, they knew him as their son, as their brother.

These are the people who are responsible for him.

They should have known what was going on inside him.

Jesus Christ, Federico!

I'm really getting sick of all this moral superiority.

Everything is so g*dd*mn black and white for you.

You know what, I just think...

You can't ever really know a person, if you think you can, you're living in a f*cking dream world.

I made egg salad.

Jolts of electricity are sh**ting through my body and tearing me apart!

Then Bettina and I will eat.

( Heavy breathing )

Maybe I'll have a little.

So, how long have you been taking the Vicodin?

I don't know.

On and off for years.

Why?

Because...

Somewhere along the line I started to realize I was no longer the youngest or prettiest girl in the room.

Ugh!

For a while I satisfied myself with...

Being the most intriguing...

But eventually I just became the one in Paisley.

It's too f*cking depressing.

I'm sorry, dear.

But you know you're much more than that.

Yeah, you're a drug addict.

I need to spice this up a little.

Tell me what you want and I'll get it.

No, no, no.

Sit down.

I need spices.

Where is it?

In the kitchen.

Where's the Vicodin?

I don't know what you're talking...

We already found your stash in the laundry room and in the bookcase.

Where else, in the spice rack?

You're being ridiculous.

Let me go!

Where's the Vicodin?

You're hurting me.

Where, where, where?!

In the coriander jar, you pig fucker!

Your lies aren't helping, dear.

Here, Ruth and I are gonna go outside and get some air.

What are you doing?

You don't think I'm just going to leave you?

You can't tie me up!

It's for your own good.

( Sobbing )

Do you want me to break this arm?!

Because I will!

Yeah, that should hold.

I hope the coyotes eat you!

So do I.

( Sighing )

I don't know how you remain so calm.

I took a Vicodin.

Not really?

Yeah, I figured if there was ever a time...

You want one?

Oh, no, thank you.

I'll k*ll you both, I swear I will!

Well, maybe half.

( Yelling )

Help!

I think there's some meat loaf in here.

Yeah, okay.

Hey.

Hi.

You're...

Phil, right, the crematory guy.

Yeah, hey, Nate.

What?

Nothing.

Mom called.

She's spending another night at aunt Sarah's.

Cool.

We can just stay here then.

Sure.

Also there's a couple death certificates you can pick up tomorrow.

Where?

One's at a nursing home.

And the other, I think...

Is also at a nursing home.

Ugh, I hate those places.

All the old people want to touch my hair.

With people.

Okay, and he likes people.

And they like him.

So, he said, don't worry, mom, I'm going to be just fine.

( Phone )

Hey, Lis...

No, I'll probably just grab a sandwich here.

Uh, I'll probably be leaving in about an hour or so, I still got a bunch of sh*t to do.

I love you too.

Give Maya a kiss for me, bye.

Well, considering getting him a girlfriend.

And he's had a number of girlfriends.

So, Nate's the one who just got married?

Yeah.

You like his wife?

I don't really know her that well.

But I mean, I like her.

You should've met his last girlfriend.

She was "Charlotte, light and dark".

Not for real?

The barking girl?

For real.

Wow.

( Laughing )

You want another?

No, I'm good.

So, we should do something like next Friday or Saturday.

Do you have a really busy week?

Uhm, I don't know.

Because when you say "next Friday or Saturday," that kind of sounds like "not until next Friday or Saturday."

Have you been thinking the two of us are, well, you know, exclusive?

'Cause I never really meant to give that impression.

What do you mean?

Well, that sometimes I see other women.

And by "see" you mean "f*ck".

However you want to put it.

Yeah, I mean, I figured.

Until you really get to know someone, I just...

It seems the way to go.

Yeah, of course.

You see other guys, don't you?

You're always talking about Russell.

Russell's gay.

Oh.

But I guess if I was to meet someone...

Not that I'm looking to f*ck around.

But...

I guess if I liked someone, whatever...

Cool.

Are you mad?

Do you want me to go?

No.

( TV chatter )

Do you want to go up to your room?

Yeah.

Let's go.

( Laughing )

( Male on TV ) Back in Texas, we call ice cream frozen cow juice.

Hi-yaa!

Thank you.

( Other male ) No, no, thank you.

Hi-yaa!

Baby, I'm warning you:

I'm in a bad mood, I had a very bad day.

I just found out that one of my favorite doctors was arrested for selling steroids.

Oh, and now there's a rumor flying around that Amerimed's going to close the hospital.

That's great.

There's k-f-c in the microwave.

I'm sorry, I just had to get you out from under my feet for a while.

But I brought my karate gear.

Hi-yaa!

Julio, could you please turn that damn thing down?

Hi-yaa!

Hi-yaa, hi-yaa!

Sandy won't b*at me this time because I've got the elements on my side.

The elements of surprise.

Hi-yaa!

I may be down, but I'm not out.

Way to go, buddy.

It took us three days to make that potato salad.

( Sighing )

Are you going to the store tomorrow?

I wasn't planning on it.

What do you need?

Baby wipes.

And baby food, but you have to go to whole foods for that.

Alright.

But if you go to rite-aid you can get her a new sippy cup and I lost her nail clippers.

Make sure you get them in the baby section, the others are too big.

Uhm, toilet paper, light bulbs, the energy efficient ones.

And facial scrub for me, you know, the peach kind.

Alright, you're going to have to write everything down.

It's on the refrigerator.

Alright.

I'll try to do it on the way home from work.

You're going to try or you'll do it?

Only because if you can't, then I'll do it.

I'll do it.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I had to make carrot soup for Carol's stylist today and drive it out to her in Culver City.

You know that woman has been sent to earth for the sole purpose of torturing you, right?

God, it's true!

I don't even work for her and she drives me crazy.

She wants me to make her rice pudding tomorrow.

I think I'll use whole milk.

It gives her diarrhea.

( Laughing )

We could call all our friends and have them park in her driveway.

We could take pictures of her swimming naked and post them on the Internet.

Oh my god, I saw her once.

She has the biggest bush I've ever seen in my life.

She really does...

If I told you something, would you promise not to laugh?

No.

This is the first time I've ever been in a hammock.

They always scared me.

( Laughing )

I always saw them in cartoons and the people would get in them and they'd spin around so fast and the people would go flying!

Well, don't worry, you're safe.

( Yelling )

( Yelling )

It's so peaceful out here.

( Yelling )

You want some more wine?

Sure, why not?

Take a slug right out of the bottle.

Really?

Go on.

I feel like an old hobo.

Maybe we should hop a freight train.

We could head up to Frisco.

Pick us up a coupla sailors.

We're so bad!

( Laughing )

Yes, we are...