03x01 - Welcome Back, Blotter

[bunniefuu]

♪

[Elevator bell dings]

Hello?

All: Surprise!

[g*nshots]

Tribeca, you silly goose.

It's your surprise
retirement party, girl.

Oh, my God. You guys totally got me!

[Laughter]

Not gonna be the same around
here without you, Tribeca.

There's even talk of retiring
your unisex blazer.

Thank you, sir.

Tribeca, the very best of luck.

It's been a pleasure working with you.

You too, Dr. Edelweiss.
I feel exactly the same.

Well, actually, I might be
leaving the force myself soon.

Yes, it appears the ethics lawsuit
is gonna be pushed forward...

- [Gasps] Hoffman!
- and I don't know what I'm going to do.

I'm running out of money.

Hey! [Laughs]

I think someone's
gonna miss you the most.

Oh, I'm gonna miss you, too, Hoffman.

- [Barks]
- [Laughs] That's why you pay in advance.

[Sniffles]

All right, everybody, it's a party.

Come eat some cake.

♪

Happy retirement, partner.

You know you don't
have to do this, right?

Everything's changed.

- We have a kid.
- Mm.

And I don't want to miss
one moment of little...

- Angie
- Angie's childhood.

I know.

I mean, he's not gonna be...

- /
- / forever.

- You know what I mean, right?
- Geils.

- Right.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's time
to put the police work behind me

and go balls deep into motherhood.

Do me a favor?

Recycle these for me.

[Elevator bell dings]

[Elevator bell dings]

No one say a word.

Motherhood is not for everyone.

It doesn't me any less of a woman.

So I don't want to hear a peep
out of any of you.

[Coughing]

I have bronchitis.

♪

Hey!

Hey!

Get that off of my street!

You can't park that there.

I can't hear you because of the chopper.

Move that thing off of my street.

Ah!

Ah!

- Spare change?
- Love some.

[Cup clatters]

- [Bell dings]
- Ow.

Oh, hello, Mr. Farnsworth.

Where's my white rhino?

Uh, well, we've actually
only begun the process.

Whoa! Did I just tune in

to some boring documentary
about your pathetic little life?

Let me see if I can change the channel.

No. Nope!

Ah, there's the show I like.

The one where you give me
my stuffed white rhino.

It's just that you
dropped it off yesterday.

- Stuff it!
- I just... I...

Stuff it, or I will stuff you.

[Bell jingles]

Is there any way to spruce up this owl

in time for the children's exhibit?

Aww. I-It...

♪

Let's go, Ricardo.
I haven't got all day.

Wait a minute.

You're not Ricardo.

[High-pitched scream]

Welcome back, Tribeca.
Not a moment too soon.

I'm afraid the unthinkable has happened.

A rich white man's disappeared.

Duncan Farnsworth I.I.I. disappeared

from his helicopter two days ago.

I'm pretty sure it's the third, sir.

Already seeing a pattern.

How'd we get along without you?

What do we know about this guy

other than his dad
and grandfather's first name?

Married, three kids,
got rich inventing an oil

- that doesn't wash off penguins.
- Got it.

And, Tribeca, if you need to split time

between your son and the office,

- we'll work around it.
- Not a problem, sir.

We sent little Angie off
to a private boarding school

- in Maine.
- [Gasps]

We're really hoping he gets in.

As long as we're swapping
personal stuff,

I, uh... I've decided
to start dating again.

I'm staring down the dark,
black abyss of retirement,

and it would be nice
to drag someone down with me.

We'll keep an eye out, sir.

And, uh, Tribeca.

Make sure she knows how
to pick out fruit in a grocery,

if you know what I mean.

I do not.

Copy that.

Turns out Mr. Farnsworth was
very popular on the Internet.

Hoffman, show them what you found.

♪

[Mouse clicking]

Farnsworth was a trophy hunter.

Stanley Cup, Heisman,
big plate from Wimbledon,

then he turned his interest
to endangered species.

Geez, look at some of
these negative comments.

"Die, you worthless P.O.S."

"You're everything
wrong with the world."

"Make $ an hour working from home"?

This guy didn't vanish.
Somebody grabbed him.

And it looks like we have
about , suspects.

We gonna need a shitload of handcuffs.

All right, Tanner, you
and Hoffman go talk to the wife,

and Geils and I will try to track down

the helicopter pilot who saw him last.

We got an address on him.

Ricardo Vasquez.

But it's in Miami.

Looks like we're taking
this show on the road.

♪

♪ Angie Tribeca ♪

Can I help you?

We're looking for
a Ricardo Vasquez. Is he home?

Oh, Mr. Vasquez moved back
to Los Angeles.

Okay, thank you very much.

♪

♪ Angie Tribeca ♪

[Scoffs] A trophy hunter? My husband?

[Chuckles] There must be some mistake.

There's no mistake, ma'am.

Is this your husband?

Yes, that's my husband.

I don't recognize that rug
he's holding, though.

[Growls]

When was the last time
you saw your husband?

Besides in the photo.

Mm.

Two days ago.

Anything unusual about his behavior?

Except murdering everything he sees?

Oh, he got up,

prayed in front of a portrait
of himself,

had a glass of camel milk,

and took off in his
helicopter... Typical Thursday.

Ma'am, this is a serious situation.

Now, I think your husband
might be kidnapped.

Or worse, he []i]was[]/i] kidnapped.

[Scoffs] Look, this is
clearly a matter for the police.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I need to get on with my day.

♪

Ahh.

I've always wanted to meet
a helicopter pilot.

Can I help you?!

Are you Ricardo Vasquez?

I'm sorry?!

Are you Ricardo Vasquez?!

Yeah, that's me!

LAPD, sir! Do you mind if we ask you

a couple questions?!

Yeah, sure, come on in!

Keep your heads down! It's gonna be fun!

We wanted to ask you
a couple of questions

about your employer, Duncan Farnsworth.

Yeah, go ahead.

You're his pilot, right?

And you were flying with him
on the morning of the th?

- Affirmative.
- And now Farnsworth and his helicopter

are both missing.

Care to shed any light on that?

I dropped off Farnsworth
at the taxidermy shop,

and then I went to get a coffee.

When I got back, Farnsworth
and the chopper were gone.

- Grand Canyon on your left.
- [Helicopter blades whir]

I find it hard to believe
that you left your helicopter

in the middle of the street
to go get a coffee.

Sounds pretty implausible, doesn't it?

Well, you got me. I was lying.

Truth is, some dude
slipped me , bucks

to disappear for minutes.

We're gonna need you
to come down to the station

and talk to a sketch artist.

Sounds great.

One more question.

Are you concerned about your employer?

To tell you the truth, ma'am,

he was not a very nice person.

Thank you, sir.

Let us know if you hear anything.

Let's go, Geils.

[Vomits]

♪

Tribeca, welcome back.
I heard you had retired.

Well, I guess you can
take the girl out of the cop,

but you can't take the cop
out of the girl.

I could.

Monica, Tribeca and I are together.

You have to accept that.

They said you had an idea
on the Farnsworth case?

Yes. Come over here.

It's not too often
a rich white guy goes missing,

so it got me thinking.

This is an unsolved case
from a few months ago.

This is, or []i]was,[]/i]
Lawrence T. Boozler VII.

You mean, like Boozler University,

Boozler Steaks, Boozler Wine & Spirits?

That's him, or that was him
until he was kidnapped,

stripped naked, beheaded, and mounted.

Don't tell me... he was a trophy hunter.

Bingo.

[Sighs]

This guy is still out there.

And if it's the same one
that has Farnsworth,

we're looking at a serial k*ller.

And we're running out of time.

So sorry.

Package for Angie Tribeca.

Dr. Edelweiss? What are you doing?

Since I left the force, I've had
to pick up any job I can.

I'm afraid the package came open.

I think it's some kind of scale cream,

but I didn't look.

Thanks.

As you were.

This guy is still out there.

And if it's the same one
that has Farnsworth,

we're looking at a serial k*ller.

And we're running out of time.

♪

[Panting]

[Distorted voice]
Oh, good, you're awake.

Who are you? What do you want from me?!

I'll ask the questions
if you don't mind.

Who am I? What do I want from you?

All in due time.

Meanwhile, enjoy your accommodations.

[Animals squeaking]

Hey! Hey!

[Whimpering]

[Screams]

[Sobbing]

All right, what do we know so far?

Um, I'm Beth Wiedner.

I'm from Pittsburgh,
and I have two sisters.

I don't like it.
Something doesn't add up.

Oh, well, I was born in Cleveland,

but I moved to Pittsburgh when I was .

Okay, here's what we're gonna do.

I'm gonna dig into the breadsticks

while you got to bar
and get us a couple of drinks.

Actually, I think the waiter will
It's not a request, Wiedner!

- [Cellphone rings]
- Hang on. I have to take this.

You hit the breadsticks while I go see

what I can dig up on this "waiter."

Atkins.

A serial k*ller?

I'll be right there.

Sorry, Wiedner.

This is gonna have to wait.

Mom.

I think I met the one.

It's bad, Lieutenant.

I think we have an animal-rights fanatic

who's targeting trophy hunters.

He's already kidnapped one
man... stripped and mounted him.

And I have a hunch
he's gonna do the same

- to Farnsworth.
- Do we have any leads?

What the hell do we know about this guy?

We have a sketch
from the helicopter pilot

who saw Farnsworth last.

Sorry. I shouldn't have
jogged over here.

Do you have any idea what's gonna happen

when the press figures out

that there's a crazy serial k*ller

singling out rich white men?!

We understand the stakes, sir.

I want ideas!

Do we have anybody inside
the animal-rights movement?

We had a mole,

but they rescued him and set him free.

I know someone who might know something.

Who?

The Zookeeper.

Tribeca, no.

Who's the Zookeeper?

The Zookeeper, or Dr. Thomas Hornbein,

was a psychopath Tribeca
put away years ago,

back when you were in diapers.

How'd you know about that?

He was a world-renowned
doctor of zoology

and an extremist
in the animal-rights movement.

He preached that humans were the ones

who belonged in a zoo, not animals.

So he'd kidnap zoo-goers,
locked them in his basement,

feed them fruit and peanuts,

and parade animals in front of them

to laugh and jeer
as they humped one another.

Now he's the one who's in a cage.

- Let's go talk to him.
- No.

I have to go alone.

We have a special relationship.

[Buzzer]

Do not touch the glass. Do
not approach the glass.

If he attempts to pass
you something, do not take it.

If he asks what you're doing on Friday,

say you have family in town.

And if he brings up "Game of Thrones,"

you tell him you haven't seen it yet.

[Hinges creak]

[Door slams]

Inmate: Hey, baby. [Smooching]

Inmate # : Hubba-hubba.
I likey what I see.

Inmate # : Hey, baby! I... Uh, bangs.

Ms. Tribeca.

Dr. Hornbein.

[Inhales deeply]

Mmm. You've been well.

Do I smell a child?

You smell a lot, Doctor.

Oh, please. Please sit.

So, what brings you
to the Mennen Speed Stick

Maximum Security Prison?

We keep sweat locked up.

We need your help.

Hmm. That is ironic, isn't it?

Like the way Miss Piggy
considers herself desirable.

We realize the unusual nature
of this request,

but I wouldn't be here if it weren't
a matter of life and death.

Let me put it to you this way.

I will do something for you
if you do something for me,

for there is no Latin expression

that would better describe this.

- What do you want?
- I want to be transferred

to a Courtyard Marriott
with an indoor pool.

I want $ , in cash
and prizes no matter what I bid.

We can arrange that.

And I want to know something...

personal about you.

You're a madman.

You're gonna die in here.

As will Mr. Farnsworth.

Oh, yes, I know all about Mr. Boozler

and Mr. Farnsworth, Ms. Tribeca.

You may want
to adjust the privacy settings

on your Facebook page.

What do you want to know?

Your hair, your tail... you're in heat!

You have a boyfriend.

I... I mean...

Do you love him?

It's complicated.

Yes. No.

I don't know.

Well, there was
an animal-rights activist

that came to visit me a few years ago.

Very intense,
very devoted to the cause...

perhaps too devoted.

And if you're here,
that means he has struck again.

What's his name?

Why is it so hard for you

to let people in, Tribeca?

Because... I don't know who I am.

Oh.

Wow.

That's super heavy. sh*t.

You should talk to someone.

What's his name, Dr. Hornbein?

His name was...

and keep in mind these
letters will be scrambled...

Obrin Saydor.

Address?

Hold on one second.

Let me figure out
what it would be scrambled.

...

Chuntset...

Treest.

Ols Gangeles, Calionifa.

Okay, yeah, I got it. I got it. Yeah.

Yeah, well,
wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Let me walk you out.

There's some real maniacs in here.

All right, we figured out
his name... Robin Dorsay.

But we're getting nowhere
on the address.

So think, people, think.

A man's life is at stake.

♪

Sandwich man here.

Uh, who ordered
the, uh, grilled vegetables

- on ciabatta?
- That's me.

Uh, Chuntest, Chunsest?

Tushcent!

No, there's no Tushcent Street.

We're running out of time.

Chicken salad on rye?

Right here.

I got it. I got it. It's...

- Meatball Parmesan?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go ahead, Tanner. What do you got?

I'm sorry. I lost it.

Hornbein: [Echoing]
Chuntset... Chuntset... Chuntset.

Tribeca, are you listening to me?

Chestnut. It's Chestnut Street.

Chestnut Street.

Good, there is one of those.

Nice work, Tribeca.

All right, people, let's move.

I've got a tuna b*mb,
heavy on the mustard, no name.

[Indistinct radio chatter]

S.W.A.T. Agent # : Bedroom ... clear.

S.W.A.T. Agent # : Bedroom ... clear.

Tanner: Hot Pockets in the freezer? Yay!

Tribeca: Duncan Farnsworth? LAPD.

You're okay.

Who's there?

Geils?

Tanner?

Who's there?

Robin Dorsay?

You're under arrest.

We have your house surrounded.

I'm warning you.

Tribeca, what are you doing
wandering around the basement?

We checked the whole house and...

Oh, no.

Farnsworth.

We're too late.

At least he d*ed with a great body.

Look at these lats.

[Sighs]

Oh, my God.

[Monkey screeching]

He's making suits out of human clothes.

What?

Robin Dorsay...
if that's even his real name...

he's k*lling trophy hunters,

and he's giving their clothes
to the animals.

With these human clothes,
the animals would be able

to hide in plain sight.

Totally camouflaged from their hunters.

He's got a taste
for making animal outfits now.

He won't stop.

Tribeca, I know that look.

Don't tell me
you're developing an obsession

- with the k*ller.
- No.

No, not at all.

[Cellphone rings]

Tribeca.

It's the k*ller.

Hey, you. [Chuckles]

No, now's a great time.