03x10 - Go Get 'Em Tiger

Episode transcripts for the 2016 TV show "Angie Tribeca". Aired: January 2016 to December 2018
"Angie Tribeca" is a 10-year veteran of the Los Angeles Police Department's elite RHCU (Really Heinous Crimes Unit). The lone-wolf detective and a squad of committed LAPD detectives investigate the most serious cases.
Post Reply

03x10 - Go Get 'Em Tiger

Post by bunniefuu »

[Dramatic music plays]

Ah! Check it out.

Double-breasted... timeless.

Scholls: You'll never
get away with this.

A fitted suit on a pear shape?
You're insane.

What did I tell you about speaking?

I guess somebody doesn't want
their dinner pellets tonight!

[Doorbell rings]

Damn it.

Just don't talk.

Got it.

Can I help you, Officer?

Are you Calvin Sniglet
of Vicious Circle?


We've been looking for you.

Is that right?

I'm afraid I've got some bad news.

There's been three break-ins

in this neighborhood in the last month.

We're doing our best
to keep the neighborhood safe,

but keep your doors locked,

and if you see something, say something.

Sir, you mind opening the door
so I can slip you my card?

What is that?

You think I wouldn't notice this?

[Chainsaw whirs]

You've got a low-battery light
on your smoke detector.

Oh, yeah.

I've been meaning to change that.

I'll take care of it.

You know, undetected flames

is the number-one cause
of f*re in the home.

Okay. There you go.

- Well, thank you, Officer.
- My pleasure.

Oh, and, uh, you need to change
your wife's newspaper.

♪ Angie Tribeca ♪

You're gonna be locked
up for a long time.

I'm talking life.

No parole, no appeals.

And then she says her vows
and... boom... we're hitched.

It's gonna be beautiful, sir.

So where are we on Scholls?
Has anyone found her?

Not yet, sir, but this should
really speed things up.

Oh, wow. That's great. Great picture.

There's a theory that
Calvin Sniglet took her

to get back at us for ruining his plan

- to destroy humanity.
- It's not a theory.

- He definitely has her.
- Listen to me.

I want every resource we
have devoted to this.

I also want every resource we have

devoted to this other m*rder...

-year-old female Susan Learner
found d*ad in massage parlor.

Somebody rubbed her out,
and you're gonna find out who.

Geils, this will represent

the final stage of your
lieutenant training.

- Good luck.
- Thank you, sir.

You're in charge while I
take a leave of absence

for my wedding and my honeymoon.

But the second you hear anything...

anything at all about
Scholls, contact me.

- How do we get...
- I'm unreachable.

- Oh, sir, your heart medicat...
- Tell it to Geils!

[Whispers] We're ready for you.

[Whispers] Okay, great.

[Whispers] Are we supposed
to leave our underwear on?


Oh, cool, cool.

[Normal voice]
What are we looking at, Scholls.

Oh, right.

I think we got to get used to the fact

that she might not be around anymore.

Any witnesses, Scholls?

Pandora: I'm a witness.

I found Miss Learner d*ad on the table.

I'm Detective Tribeca.
This is Detective Tanner.

Can we ask you a couple of questions?

Sure. Room number four.

Take off the robe,
get under the blanket,

and I'll be in in a minute.

Did you bring any extra underwear?

Susan's been a regular client
for a couple years.

I came in for her appointment
and found her like that.

Did anyone hear anything?

Oh, I heard her screaming,

but I thought it was coming
from Marco's room,

'cause his hot stones can be pretty hot.

Ooh. You got a lot of knots.

I have a lot going on right now.

Could you give us the names of
all the masseuses working today?

Sure can. I can get them
from the front desk.

Scholls would've had them names already.

I know.

Anybody want a happy ending?

- Yes, please.
- Absolutely.

That'll do, pig.

That'll do.

Anything yet?

I'm about to slice it open.

Here it goes.

Whoa. Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

I see it, but I don't believe it.

This should do it. One final cut.

- Whoa.
- Whoa, it's amazing.

My God.

Look at the layers.

Pepperoni, cheese, sauce.

And what's that on the crust?

Caramelized cheese.

Little Caesars is getting busy.

Mmm. That's Little Caesars
Deep! Deep! Dish pizza.

Is this the forensics lab?

Mom? What are you doing here?

Oh, the temp agency sent me to
be the new forensics specialist.

Mrs. Tribeca, great to see you.

Here's the body right over here.

Why did you dump him again?

Mom, stop it!

Oh, mm. This is serious.

You don't know anything about forensics.

Why did they send you here?

Because I told them I could type

and that I have a doctorate
in forensic science.

- You know how to type?
- No.

Without Scholls, this is hopeless.

These lacerations are consistent
with an animal att*ck.

Look at the spaces between the claws.

This woman was k*lled by a Bengal tiger.

Whoa. How did you even...

Neil Young had a fascination
with big cats...

and my derriere.


How did a tiger get into
a massage parlor?

By dressing in human clothes.


[Elevator bell dings]

If we find Sniglet, we can find Scholls.

Found him.

Good afternoon.

Calvin Sniglet, you're under arrest.

Not so fast.

Stand back. He's got a bedbug.

Jesus, you train for this,
but nothing can prepare you.

Lay one hand on me, and I set him loose.

Have fun washing
and re-washing your clothes...

putting everything you own into bags,

constantly scratching tiny bug bites.

And worst of all, purchasing
a brand-new mattress.

I just got used to mine.

And we're miles away
from Labor Day sales.

What do you want, Sniglet?

Not much.

Just for you to close the L.A. Zoo
and set all the animals free.

No way. Never gonna happen.

Then the animal att*cks will continue.

And you'll be seeing Dr. Scholls
back in the forensics lab.

- Well, that's good.
- As a corpse.

I walked right into that.

Set all the zoo animals free,

and you can have your human back.


Siri, get me the mayor.

- Calling Mayor Joe Perry.
- Siri, hang up.

- [Siri chimes]
- You can't close the zoo.

It'll be chaos, and we can't
have chaos this weekend...

it's Cat-astrophic!

We all enjoy the nation's
largest cat festival,

but I have to think about
the safety of our citizens.

If the Lieutenant were here right now,

you know what he'd say.

Atkins: Geils, don't be foolish.

That's a good Atkins.

I couldn't stay away.

These are my future in-laws,
Frank and Tanya.

Can, uh, you point me to the bathroom?

Down the hall, and make it quick!

These animal att*cks will continue
unless we listen to Sniglet's demands,

not to mention Scholls.
We have no choice.

Sniglet is a madman.

If we give in to him now,
who knows what he'll do next.

Damn it, Geils,

% of the city's revenue
comes from zoo tickets.

Detroit has cars. Wisconsin has cheese.

L.A. has fat people roaming around

looking at animals in cages.

Phew! That's better.

Welcome back, Mrs. Weidner.

Now, if potty time is over,

we have a rehearsal dinner to get to.

It's your call.

All my life, I've wanted to be
the kind of lieutenant

who prevents people from getting k*lled.

Get me the mayor. I'm closing the zoo.

Oh, wow. That's so wrong.

I know what you're gonna say.
Closing the zoo was a mistake.

People are still getting
k*lled, Sniglet lied,

and Scholls is no closer to being found.

Your career is doomed, Geils.

Good doomed or bad doomed?

And as far as Dr. Scholls...

Monica, you're alive.
How did you escape?

I used my bun to pick
the lock on the cage.

After that, it was a simple
matter of seducing an armadillo

and then walking out the front door.

After which, Monica and I
had quite a nice talk.

- Didn't we, Monica?
- It was okay.

Geils, I was quite intrigued to learn

that you were not only having
an inappropriate relationship

with the head of forensics,
but that, subsequently,

you were having
an inappropriate relationship

with another detective.

Why are you doing this?

I could talk about things
like ethics and civil service,

transparency in law enforcement,

but the simple truth is you traded hos,

now we tradin' blows.

Acting Lieutenant Geils,
you are hereby suspended.

Mr. Mayor, please. We can fix this.

It's not Geils' fault.

Are you speaking as a cop
or an ex-lover?


In accordance with the
line of succession,

Detective Hoffman is acting lieutenant.

Geils, don't worry.
We're gonna figure this out.

You were right, Angie.

It was a mistake for me to even try.

You suspended a good cop.
Maybe the best.

I told you about the secret bathroom.

Ooh, girl, you make my mind go crazy

Yes, I...

Well, well, well.

Angela Tribeca.

Dr. Hornbein, I need your help.

Please, sit down.

Calvin Sniglet has somehow
trained the zoo animals

- to att*ck humans.
- Mm.

So the hunted are becoming the hunters,

the consumed are becoming the consumers.

The downtrodden are becoming
the up-not-trodden.

I don't know how to stop him.

Personal things, please.


I found out my father was alive.

He faked his own death when I was .

I went to see him,
and he ran away again.

Yes, yes, I know that.

What I want you to tell me
is how did that make you feel.

- Angry.
- That's a secondary emotion.

- How did it make you feel?
- Sad. Alone.

Those are all secondary emotions.

Tell me how did it make you feel?!


Hurt, yes.

It's easy to hurt children.

They have no control over
what happens to them...

neither do animals, actually.

Mr. Sniglet is both
an animal and a child.

Now he's fighting for control.

How do we stop him?

Oh, I'll help you.

Under one condition.

And now by the power vested in
me from the State of California,

the City of Los Angeles,
and audible.com,

I now pronounced you
Lieutenant and wife.

You may kiss the bride.


[Mendelssohn's "Wedding March" plays]

Here ya go... total failure.

Hey, he's just a guy who was
trying to do the right thing

and it resulted in seven people dying.

Total failure is the name of the drink.

It's two shots of Four Loko
and a can of New Coke.

I'm worried about you, Geils.

Why don't you just go hang out
with your serial k*ller date?

[Upbeat music playing]

It's the only way I could get him

to agree to help me find Sniglet.

Lieutenant Hoffman signed off on it.


You'll make lieutenant soon.

Honestly, I haven't given
it a second thought.

Thanks for letting me read
the first draft of your book.

I love the end when he makes lieutenant.

I'm not great at emotional pep talks

that inspire people to action, but...

for you, I'm gonna give it a sh*t.

[Grunts] Ow!

Quit feeling sorry for yourself

and step up to the plate, you big p*ssy.

People need you.

And if you're gonna focus
on what you've lost

and not on what you have,
then you're really stupid.

I'm talking to myself, too.

My dad left me. Who cares?!

I raised myself, and I
became a great cop.

I was basically my own dad.

So what if no one ever
told me how sex works.

That explains a lot.

When bad stuff happens,

the dad in us picks up
the little kid in us,

and we get the job done.


Ready to go to work...


- Yeah.
- [Glass clinking]

If I could have everyone's
attention, please.

I'd like to say a few words
about my mentor,

the man who's taught me
right from wrong,

courage under f*re,

the difference between "there,"
"they're," and "their,"

and how to take care of the
weakest among us, the animals.

I'm talking, of course,
about Calvin Sniglet.

- [People gasp]
- Hello, everyone!

Oh, my God. She's with him.

It's gonna be so much fun sh**ting her.

Welcome, everyone, to the last...

- [Feedback]
- To the last...

- [Feedback]
- Hello.

Come on. Seriously?

Check, two, check.


Ah. Come on. Hello.

Can you hear me, anybody? Can I, uh...

Check it... check it, two.

Check, give me... check two.

Hello. Check. Come on.

One, two. One...

Can I get another microphone,
please? Do you see?

Yeah, just give me
a new microphone. This is...

How about now?
How about... Can you hear me?

Check? Yeah, there we go! Okay.

Much better, all right.
We're good now, folks.

Ladies and gentlemen,

- welcome to your last day on Earth.
- [People gasp]

Humans are the most destructive
force this planet has ever seen,

and it ends today.


Oh, hey, Angie. Good to see you.

Turn yourself in.

We know your heart's in the right place.

The way that we treat animals
is absolutely insane.

But k*lling all the humans
isn't the answer.

Go volunteer. Be an activist.

Heck, run for mayor. You got my vote.

Ah, it doesn't matter anyway.

Humans had their time on Earth.

And like all species,
they eventually go extinct.

I'm just here to speed up the process.

You can't win.

There's too many of us.

You're right.

I'm all alone.

Or am I?


Say hello to my little friend.

- [Roars]
- [Laughs]

Devour them!

Damn. I thought it was a Jet Ski.

Angie. Angie, let me loose.

I'm a trained zoo keeper.


Hello, my majestic jungle...

- [Snarls]
- [Screams]

If I never pee in another
Porta-Potty again,

it will be too s...



[Laughs] Yes!

Yes! Hunt them down
just as they would do to you!

Togeth... Aah!

It's pretty bad out there.

We might not make it out alive.

I just want to say

I always planned on getting
back together with you

when I ran out of options.

That means a lot to me,
but we're gonna be okay.

Sniglet's d*ad, and I'm sure
the tiger's getting full.

We just need a w*apon.

Angie, hand me the...


Hey, Stripes, pick on
someone your own size!


Oh, shit.



[Panting] Bad kitty.

You have the right to remain endangered.





I'm not gonna make it.

No, no, yes, you are. Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

Then you should know that I love you

more than I've ever loved
anybody or anything.

More than my parents,
siblings, chocolate, money.

You'll always be my partner.

And now I'll always be alone.


Congratulations, Lieutenant.

What... What was that?

I... I said...

"Congratulations, Lieutenant."


Good work, Detective Geils.

Or should I say...

Lieutenant Geils.


You mean this was all...

Your final exam.

You passed with flying colors.

But what about Sniglet
and the zoo keeper?

Say hello to Todd Bender from Vice.

And Chris Harbinson
from the daycare center.

Special kudos to Harbinson.

He had to spend years
in prison to prepare for this.

So fun. [Laughs]

- But you got married, right?
- Yeah, right.

Say hello to my niece, Natasha.

- Good to see you, Uncle Pritikin.
- You too, honey.

But the... But the tiger.

- [Chuckles]
- Congratulations.

But if it means anything,
I was into the handcuffs.

We went to different
cities tracking Sniglet.

He k*lled people.

All death row inmates that
were gonna get executed anyway.


There were times when
people worked the case

that I wasn't there.

Geils, you're over-thinking
it, as usual.

But you know what is real?

This party.

- So let's get to it!
- [Chuckles]

♪ Whoa, I feel good ♪

♪ I knew that I would now ♪

♪ I feel good ♪

♪ I knew that I would now ♪

[Jazz music plays]

[Ice rattling]

[Tanner laughs]


What a party, huh?

Mmm! And we have the taxpayers to thank.


They're probably gonna
put you in a big office.

I'm gonna miss having you near me.

Atkins: Oh, that reminds me.

I did such a good job
with the Geils training,

I... I got promoted to captain.

I get to keep my office,
you stay at your desk,

and everything stays exactly the same.


You're under arrest for
the m*rder of Angie Tribeca.


But that is her.

We just received some disturbing news.

This is not Angie Tribeca.

[Dramatic music plays]
Post Reply