04x06 - Teen Line

[bunniefuu]

[bell rings]

♪ When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ♪

♪ I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ♪

♪ By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ♪

♪ I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

♪ If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ♪

♪ And my dog ate
all my homework last night ♪

♪ Ridin' low on my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ♪

♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

Zack, you're late as usual.

Sorry. I got here
as fast as I could.

Take my seat.
I insist.

Thanks, buddy.

No problem-o.

I'll sit on the credenza.

Screech! Screech!
Screech, be careful.

You are ruining my office.

They say stress and tension
causes irregularity.

Can we please get started?

Look, every year the senior class
does a community service project.

Any ideas?

I could try to date more.

That would serve all the
chicks in the community.

Great idea.
I'll help.

You two live in a dream world.

Does anyone else have an idea?

Yeah.
At my old high school,

we had this teen-line and rap
room that worked real well.

Rap room?

I love that show.

I see Zack.

He's a doobie.

That's "Romper Room," you idiot!

A teen-line lets kids talk with
other kids about their problems

without saying who they are.

A rap room lets kids
talk face-to-face.

I think that's a great idea.

So do I.

I like it.

There's a few rules
we have to follow.

Never ask a caller
for their last name,

never ask for home numbers,

and never, never
ask to meet them.

And if any problem is too big
to handle and you need an adult,

I'm here.

I have a problem,
Mr. Belding.

Yes.

I have this terrible rash.

I'll be in my office.

[telephone rings]

Ahh!
Watch a pro at work.

[ring]

Hello, Teen-Line.
This is Zack.

How can I help you?

Uh, no, this isn't
Ling Chow's Pizzeria.

[telephone rings]

O.K., my turn.

Hello. Teen-Line.
This is Lisa.

Hi, Shelly.
How may I help you?

Oh, you're feeling overweight?

It's probably all in your mind.

How much do you weigh?

Oh.

Well, maybe
it's not in your mind.

Have you ever thought about
joining a school club?

That's an easy way
of making new friends.

First of all, never wear white.

You'll look like
shamu at a wedding.

You know, you might want to
join Overeaters Anonymous.

Here's the number.

So what's your problem --
dr*gs, school, girls?

Talk to me, laddie.
Here, have a seat.

My problem is
I hate my bratty brother.

Hate your brother? You should
be lucky you have a brother.

I'm an only child.

I have to play hide-and-seek
with my hamster.

[ring]

Hello. Teen-Line.
This is Zack.

Hi. I'm Melissa.

Hi, Melissa.
What can I do for you?

I have a problem.

You called the right place.

My parents are
totally too protective.

I can't stay out past
10:00, even on weekends.

What a drag.

Judging by your voice,
you get lots of dates.

I see why your
parents would worry.

Thanks, but they treat
me like a baby. What do I do?

Before you go out, set all
the clocks back two hours.

When you come home at midnight,

your parents will
think it's 10:00.

Then mom bought me
this blow-up doll.

Yeah, but my brother's a pain.

Will you stop interrupting?

Sheesh!

Now where was I?

Oh, yes.

The blow-up doll wasn't
like a real brother--

I'll be right back.

Melissa Donahue.
Nice name.

Where do you live?

Malibu. In the Hills.

You're kidding?
I live in the Palisades.

You're five minutes from here.

I can't move that fast.

Do you know where the Max is?

You want a brother?

Take Tommy.

Oh, hi there, Tommy.

[hand buzzer]

First day -- we
helped a lot of people.

I even scored a date.

I'm meeting a girl I talked
to tomorrow at the Max.

Way to go, amigo.

Give me a fiver.

All in a day's work
helping beautiful teen babes.

Look.
It's not all right.

It's all wrong.

You broke the rules.

Bad boy, Preppie.

I take back my fiver.

She was willing to meet me.

All I did was say
where and when.

That's not the point, Zack.

Callers are supposed
to remain anonymous.

Well, fine.

Then I won't tell you her name.

Those rules exist for a reason.

Break them, you're
asking for trouble.

Hi, guys.

Meet Tommy, my
temporary little brother.

Isn't he cute?

Cute?
Cute is for girls.

Oh!

Oh, my bunion!

Melissa? Zack? Hi,
nice to meet you.

You're prettier than I imagined.

I owe it all to my parents.

Speaking of parents,
did you take my advice?

Last night I turned
the clocks back three hours.

Works every time.

Except I forgot to fix them.

Today my dad was
three hours late for work.

If he asks,
say the power went out.

Want to hear some music?

Sure. What's
on the jukebox?

They change it every week.
Let's go see.

So, uh, do you like Motown?

I love it.

Or...

Whoa!

You're in a wheelchair.

You're staring.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't expect you
to be, um... uh, sitting.

Hey, it's O.K.

This wheelchair's
no fun at parades,

but I'm a lot of fun
in supermarkets.

Why didn't you tell me
you were in a wheelchair?

Would you believe I forgot?

No.

I didn't say anything because most
people get so freaked out about it,

they never stop thinking
about the chair.

I wanted you to meet me first.

Look, I'm sorry I stared.

It was a surprise.

If you want to leave,
I'll understand.

I'll wheel over your toe,
but I'll understand.

No, I'm not leaving.

I said it was a surprise,
and I like surprises.

I reserved a booth over there.

I'll get your coke.

Right in here.

Ahh... There. Much better.

So, um... may I ask
how it happened?

Bungee diving.

- You're kidding!
- Gotcha!

Just a little handicap humor.

Actually, I was born this way.

Physically challenged,
as my dad calls it.

I'm really sorry.

Thanks, but I'm doing fine.

Hey!

Hey, guys.

Melissa, meet Screech,
Lisa, Tori, and Slater.

Melissa's handicapped, but
she's comfortable with it,

so get over it, O.K.?

I'm over it.

Mind if we joining you?

Not at all.

So, you're the girl
Zack met on the Teen-Line.

Yeah. I think the
Teen-Line's a great idea.

You must feel good,
helping so many people.

We're gonna be
at the Teen-Line tomorrow

if you want to come by
and check it out.

Watch me in action.

That'll be great.

Oh, Screech, your cute little
psychopathic friend is back.

Hey, guys, look what I found.

A really cool motorcycle helmet.

Where'd you get it?

Hey! Hey!

All right!
Who took my helmet?

Take care of him, big brother.

Here.

Nice biker, nice.

O.K., Todd,

first get your father's
car out of the lake,

and then find a big towel...

It's O.K., Zack.
I can do it myself.

Just trying to help.
Here you go.

[telephone rings]

Hello, Teen-Line.

Uh, I can barely hear you.

Wait a minute.

You're saying you're having
trouble with your unruly little brother.

Yeah. He's a real brat.

Uh, help me.

You know, your voice
sounds weirdly familiar.

Well, I don't know you,
Lisa. Oops.

Screech, is that you?

No!
No, it's not me.

Uh, this is Lars.

The real Screech could easily
handle a 10-year-old nutcase.

I told you -- no calls.

I'm shy around boys,
because I'm so tall.

Well, uh, maybe if you
wait a couple years,

the rest of us will catch up.

Wish I could just shrink.

Is it O.K.
If I say something?

Sure.

I know what it's like
to be different,

but guys will start liking you
more if you like yourself more.

For starters, stop looking
at being tall as a problem.

Think of tall as beautiful.

The rest will fall into place.

Thanks a lot.
Bye.

Well, now, that is pretty
impressive, huh, Slater?

Eh, not really.

My cousin Julie's
6'7", barefoot.

No, dummy.

I meant what Melissa
just did for Kathy.

Even though she's handicapped,
she gave Kathy perfect advice.

Zack, my mind's not handicapped.

You can say that again.
You're incredible.

Will you go out with me tonight?

I won't take no for an answer.

Sure. I'll turn the
clocks back four hours.

You don't care that someone
parked in the handicapped space?

I'm used to it.
It happens all the time.

You've never done it?

Well, uh, yeah, but only
when it's raining.

Hi, I'm the manager.

You wanted to see me?

Yes. This young woman's
handicapped,

and someone has illegally
parked in the handicapped space.

I'm sorry.
I'll call the police.

It's not that important.

I also noticed that you have no
wheelchair access to your rest rooms.

We're in the midst
of renovating.

Why does she have to
pay full price for a ticket

when she doesn't use
one of your seats?

Everyone pays to see the movie.

There's a place for her
wheelchair right here.

Thank you.

The problem is that people just
don't care about other people,

especially disabled people.

The movie's about to start.

Let's not make this whole
date about my disability.

I'm sorry. I just had to get
a few things off my mind.

Good. Let's enjoy
the movie.

Are you comfortable?

Yes. I'm O.K.

Do you want anything?
Popcorn, soda--

Nothing!

Sir, would you mind
slumping down?

My date's in a wheelchair.

So, Preppie, how'd your
date with Melissa go?

What are you trying
to say, Slater?

I just wondering
what it was like.

You mean, dating someone
who's handicapped?

Chill out, Zack.
It was just a simple question.

Yeah. Huh.
Forget I asked.

Has anyone seen Tommy?

No, Screech, you're safe.

Good. Has anyone
see my clothes?

Here they are. Slater got
them down from the flagpole.

I wonder how Tommy
got them up there?

Uh, g*ng...

Uh, hi.

I have some bad news.

I just received word from the school
board that the school's budget was cut.

What's that mean?

School's over?
We graduate today?

No. All nonessential school
programs have to go.

That means no more Teen-Line.

- What?
- What?

After tomorrow,
we'll have to shut down.

I'm sorry.

Hi, I have a date this weekend.

That's great, Kathy.
Congratulations!

See? We're really
helping people.

Mr. Belding said if
we raise enough money,

we can keep Teen-Line open.

It's worth a try.

All right, everyone, think.

About what?

A way to raise money, doofus.

How about a bake sale?

Honey, you don't want me
anywhere near a kitchen.

Hi, guys.
Sorry I'm late.

Basketball practice ran over.

You're on the basketball team?

I love to sh**t hoops.

Oh! You play basketball?

Every day in my driveway.
You should see my hook sh*t.

Can you dunk?

Only doughnuts, but I
still I love to play.

Wheelchair basketball happens
to be a very popular sport.

I've seen the Lakers play
charity wheelchair games.

That's right.
Wait a moment.

We may not be the Lakers,
but I'm getting an idea.

Whenever you have ideas,
I end up in my underwear.

No, wait.
Just listen.

Come here, guys.

[blows whistle]

Ha ha.
I love doing that.

Welcome to Bayside's first
wheelchair basketball game.

All the proceeds from ticket
sales go to help the Teen-Line.

After the game, we're
having a celebration dance,

so make like gum
and stick around.

Teams!

Hey, Zack, guess what.

Tommy hooked my chair
up to a turbo-booster.

I press this button, and I can go
faster than the speed of light.

Teams, take your places!

Ready, Zack?
Ready, A.C.?

No fair.

Violation on the red team.

Slater, the point of the game
is to stay in your wheelchair.

Oh, sorry. Guess I
got carried away.

All right.

Blue team takes the ball
in bounds.

I'm open.

Good bounce, Melissa!

Holding up, O.K.?

I'm great.
Quit worrying. Let's play!

All right.

Me, me, me!

Me, me, me!

No, no, no. You're not
on my team, you ding-dong.

Me, me!
Please, me!

O.K. Here goes.

Yes!

[crash]

Thanks, everyone.
Great game.

Your support
made a real difference.

We raised enough money
to keep the Teen-Line open.

I have something else to say.

I want another round of applause
for the real star of today's game--

the only one who has to be in
a wheelchair -- Melissa Donahue!

All right! Melissa!

I can't believe we
raised 1,000 bucks!

We should have another game
to pay off my credit cards.

I owe you an apology.

For what?

When you suggested a
wheelchair game, I had my doubts.

Help! Look out!

You really came through.

I wouldn't have had the idea
if it weren't for Melissa.

Where is she anyway?

Here she comes.

Hey, Melissa.

Hey, Melissa, what's up?

Melissa, hey--

Wait up.
Melissa!

That was a great game.

It was a great game until
that little speech you made.

Do you have to keep reminding
the world that I'm handicapped?

- But--
- You're just like my parents.

I can take care of myself.

Bye.

What was that all about?

Maybe she'd rather be
your friend than your cause.

[rock music plays]

Hey, what's up, Kathy?

Your date looks pretty cool.

Yeah, he's all right,

but, um, you're the hunk
I'm after.

Huh?

[slow music plays]

Excuse me.
Just a moment.

Tommy, your brother's here.

Your mom wants you
to come home right away.

No way.

Yes. Besides I miss chasing
you around the house.

I hope you've learned
a little lesson here.

I hope now you realize how valuable
having a little brother can be.

Come on, guys.
Big hugs.

Bye.

Sorry about losing Tommy.

You're probably going
to miss the little guy.

Miss him.
Are you kidding?

The little brat's gone.
I'm free! Free!

I'm free!

Don't ask me.

Uh... Melissa.

Hi. Can we talk?

O.K.

Look, um...

I'm sorry I embarrassed you.

I'm not embarrassed
by my disability.

Yes, I wish there were
more ramps, parking spaces,

and more sensitive people.

I also want a chance to be a
teenager like everyone else.

I guess your handicap bothers
me more than it bothers you.

I've lived with it my
whole life. I'm used to it.

I've never known
anyone like you.

I'm just an ordinary girl.

Maybe I'll never win
a roller blade race,

but I'm still capable
of doing most things.

Don't treat me like I'm broken.

I'm sorry.

I guess I'm still
learning how to act.

Act like you did on the phone
when we first talked.

You kidding? Trying
to act cool, coming on--

Perfect.

You liked that?

I met you the next day
at the Max, didn't I?

Hey, you want to dance?

But how can you--

I'd love to.
Come on.