(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ Animals ♪
♪ Animals ♪
♪ ♪
(HORNS HONKING)
(SNIFFS)
(WHINES)
(BELL RINGS)
God, dude, this f*cking sucks.
- This is your fault.
- It's not my f*cking fault, Mike.
- Phil, Mike.
- What?
What you've done is
absolutely unacceptable.
You're lucky I didn't call the police.
Simon, you're a f*cking
rat snitch, dude.
You want to be our friend and
you f*cking come in here,
you f*cking tell on us?
Well, you put a marker up my butt.
Dude, I can't believe I
have to say this again.
It was a prank. Have you ever
heard of a prank before?
Jamie Kennedy, Ashton Kutcher,
Justin Bieber after Ashton Kutcher,
those are all master prankers, dude.
- Hall of Fame of prankers right there.
- Hall of Fame.
Technically, Simon, you shoved
the marker up your own butt.
Up your own butt. Mr.
Leif, up his own butt.
Enough. The two of you and your pranks
have disrupted the school
day countless times
for countless students.
You've pranked too much.
Principal Leif, I don't
know if you know this,
but I don't have a dad.
And it's hard to grow up without
a male influence in your life.
My buddy Mike, he's got a mom
and a dad. So I think that
maybe he should bear the brunt
of the punishment at this time
- because he's got a mom and a dad.
- f*ck you, dude.
- I got no daddy, dude.
- You use that excuse for everything.
No, I don't. Principal
Leif, will you be my papa?
My mama's real pretty, you
can have sex with her.
Okay, enough, enough, enough. I'm
clearly not getting through to you.
So I have to issue a punishment.
Ring the punishment bell.
(BELL DINGS)
- Community service all weekend.
- What?
Come on.
You're gonna scrub the
graffiti in the back hallway.
- Bell again.
- (DINGS)
Also, Simon gets one re-prank on Phil.
- Yes!
- That's just a prank law.
No bell.
Now get out of my sight.
(MUTTERING) f*cking
Principal Little d*ck...
- Principal what?
- I didn't say anything.
- I said Principal Leif.
- I heard you say Principal Little d*ck.
- Dude, just go, just go.
- I'm going.
Oh, Phil, one more thing.
Yeah, Principal Leif?
f*ck you.
No one will believe I said it.
Saturday f*cking
community service, dude.
I feel like I'm a g*dd*mn
drunk driver or something.
- Mm.
- What is that?
- Dude, check it out.
- Did you just draw that?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Is that Saves the Day?
- I f*cking love that song, dude.
- I do, too.
- "You Vandal"?
- Mmm, no.
See, you don't even know
Saves the Day that well.
- I know, dude, I just don't know words.
- You don't even know.
I get all confused when it's
written down. It's weird to me.
Ooh, Michael!
Is that a lyric from Newsies?
What the f*ck are you doing here, Simon?
I'm spending time with my
boys, my best friends.
- Okay.
- Are we seriously your best friends, dude?
- Because we don't even like you at all.
- No.
That's weird, because I love you guys.
You're Phil and Mike, you're cool.
You don't care about anything.
Simon. (BURPS)
- (LAUGHS) Right, dude?
- (LAUGHS)
- Sick?
- Sick.
I got one. I got one.
(VOMITS)
Ugh. Sorry I made a mess. Simon!
Simon, we have to f*cking
clean that up now, dude.
What the f*ck?
- I'm so sorry, guys.
- God, Simon.
What can I do to be more like you guys?
What can I do to be in the group?
Simon, you're a dunce.
- You're a dweeb.
- I'm a dinger.
- Exactly, you're a dinger.
- You're getting it.
What you need is some sort of...
currency to make up for it.
Do you have a big house we can party at?
A really hot sister that we
could possibly make out with?
Do you have a mom that keeps Oxycodone
in her purse that she leaves around?
- These are just ideas.
- Do you got anything, buddy?
Because right now, you're
just not cutting it.
Actually, um, yeah.
I, uh, I do have something cool.
But it's my secret.
- Hmm.
- So you have to promise
on your mother's life,
'cause that's all you have,
and both your parents' lives
'cause that's all you have,
- that you're not gonna tell anyone!
- Whoa.
And then I will show you
the secret of a lifetime.
And if that doesn't get me into the
cool kids club, I don't know what will.
Hmm.
- We're in. Let's do this.
- Let's see what you got.
Yes! Follow me, boys.
God, did you see him curtsy?
If it's a dead little kid
he's been torturing,
I'm gonna be super pissed.
♪ Follow me, secret to show you ♪
Okay, no, no, no...
Gentlemen, prepare to be amazed.
Again, a reminder, mum's
the word on this.
- What the f*ck dude?
- Holy sh*t.
Is that a f*cking...
human baby?
I call him... Bebe.
- Bebe.
- Bebe.
Can I... Can I touch it?
Yes, but please, be delicate.
And move slowly.
- It smells so good.
- Careful, Phil.
I heard they're dangerous.
No, this one's trained.
Watch. Bebe, ho-ho!
- (BABY COOS)
- Whoa, dude!
Holy sh*t. Oh, my God.
What the f*ck, Simon?
Shh, shh, shh, easy, girl.
Easy, girl.
He's actually a boy,
but I call him a girl.
Like my real dad did to me.
- Hmm.
- Check this out, he loves to be fed.
Bebe, ho-ho!
- Whoa, dude!
- Wow.
- And he just eats it up.
- He eats it, that's incredible.
He doesn't have any teeth or anything.
- Look, he's chewing on me.
- MIKE: Wow.
Ow, it tickles.
I'm sorry, Simon, I just want to
be clear. No one knows about this?
No, it's completely secret.
And I thank you guys
for making the promise
to keep it a secret earlier.
- Hey, Phil, can I talk to you over here.
- Yeah. Sure.
I'm thinking the same exact
thing you're thinking.
You have cartoon dollar signs
coming out of your eyes.
Dude, this thing is a cash cow!
Who wouldn't want to pay
to see a human baby?
Yes, dude, it's that Simpson's
episode with the elephant,
but we're charging to see a human baby.
- It's a modern day improvement.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No! We are not commercializing Bebe.
You know, there's a lot of upkeep that
takes place when caring for a Bebe.
You gotta feed it. You gotta
clean it. You gotta care for it.
Simon, you've been doing all that
for the past few weeks, right?
- Happily so.
- Great.
So you can keep doing that,
and I'll just handle
the front end of it.
- Yes. Correct.
- Lot of attention on me and the baby.
Phil and the Baby Show,
something like that.
Yeah, I'll handle, like,
the money and production.
- Great. This is fantastic.
- I think we figured out our roles.
- We're good.
- We're happy to have you aboard, Simon.
- Thank you, so much.
- Hey, Simon, hands in, buddy, huh?
Phil and Mike, holding hands
with us? Feels pretty good.
- All right.
- Bebe money on three.
ALL: One, two, three.
Bebe money!
There's that smile.
I love you guys. I love you guys.
Wow, so hard with the L word, dude.
♪ ♪
(COUGHS)
(SNIFFLES)
♪ Tom pens me a pink letter ♪
♪ Says please could you
lend me some Red Roulette ♪
(EXCITED CHATTERING)
All right, human baby up close, guys!
Two pence, two pence. Throw
the money in the hat.
- Andy, what's going on, man?
- Okay, I'm not paying.
Oh, I'm sorry, what was that?
I'm not gonna pay a
friend to see a baby.
Andy, breathe in deep.
(SNIFFS) You smell that?
It's a live human baby.
- There's nothing like that.
- It's alive?
- Yes.
- I thought it was a dead baby.
- Oh, no, we're not...
- The baby's alive?
- Yes, dude.
- Okay, okay, okay.
- And how much is it again?
- Two pence. That's all.
- Here's your f*cking tuppence.
- There it is.
- Andy's seeing the baby.
- Andy!
- Andy's on board, huh?
- All right!
Let me see the f*cking baby.
PHIL: Is this thing on?
Oh. (FEEDBACK WHINES)
Ladies and gentlemen, the moment
you've all been waiting for,
a live human baby!
Mikey, curtain.
(CROWD GASPS)
Bebe. Bebe.
Oh, my God...
Oh, my God!
Holy f*cking sh*t!
It's a f*cking baby!
It's bigger than me!
Are you guys seeing this? Look at that!
That thing is f*cking huge!
(LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING)
♪ ♪
(CHEERING)
Bebe, save your energy now.
We got three more shows to do, okay?
Ol' Papa Simon gonna take
care of you now, Bebe.
Ol' Papa Simon here now
to take care of you.
(CHANTING) Baby! Baby! Baby!
Show us the baby!
(APPLAUSE) (LAUGHING) Yes! Yes!
It's the best every time!
Okay, do it. Come on, now, Bebe.
Okay, Phil, we're blowing
in three. Here we go now.
Okay, guys, ponchos up.
Oh, no, here it comes. Here it comes.
(SNEEZES) Oh!
- Yeah!
- Got me wet! Haha!
All right!
Did you get it on you? I got it on me.
Ooh, wow, that was a wet one, Bebe.
Let me clean you up here.
Uh, Phil? Phil?
- Hi.
- Yeah, Andy, what's up, man?
Sorry, just trying to break
down stuff for tonight.
No, I see that. I need to see the baby.
- Real quick, if you don't mind.
- Oh, but,
- you just saw the baby.
- Oh, I know.
That was actually the
last show of the night.
- So we're gonna break down for tomorrow.
- I know, I get it.
Let me just see the baby one more
time. I can't explain it, please.
I need you to quiet down
and walk away calmly.
- Baby! Baby, it's me!
- Mike, get in here.
- Baby's off the clock!
- Oh, my God!
- You brought this on your self, Andy.
- No! No! No!
- You brought this on yourself, okay?
- Come on!
I hate this. I hate this, too.
This is the f*cking good life, dude.
I've never seen this much
money before in my life.
- Think all the sh*t we could buy, dude.
- Bills, bills, bills.
Dude, we should get all of on vinyl.
Vinyl is like CDs, but bigger
and they're harder to play,
and like, they sounded better in
the ' s or something like that.
- Right.
- I don't really know, but they cost a lot.
- It's gonna be sick.
- Cool.
I'm gonna buy expensive-ass
chain wallets at Rat Hot Topic.
- Dude, Zippo lighters.
- Zippo lighters, man!
We could get 'em engraved
with our names on 'em.
Yeah.
I'll get one that says Mike and
you get one that says Phil.
- That'd be so funny and cute.
- Maybe.
Well, just be sure to spend
your pennies wisely, gentlemen.
I wouldn't get too excited.
Simon, what the f*ck are
you talking about, dude?
Look at all this money. Mike
and I are f*cking rich.
Well, I just want to make sure
you're fiscally responsible
because the deals you guys signed...
Well, I've got 'em right here, actually.
- What?
- Let me see this.
- Mike, what are those numbers?
- Wait...
Are those in our favor or his favor?
Okay, let's see, so I
get a finder's fee,
% overall ownership, and
% on merchandising.
Wha... I... And I guess you guys get...
a little bit less than that.
- I...
- I hope there are no objections.
My uncle's a pretty powerful rat lawyer.
And let's just say he's behind bars.
- What?
- What the f*ck?
(HUMMING)
Okay, we're in trouble here.
Contractually, Simon is our boss.
Simon's my boss? But
he's littler than us?
And I'm cooler than him in school.
- He got us.
- Why didn't you read the freaking thing?
- You're the smart one.
- Aargh!
I literally thought he
wanted our autographs.
I know, he's such a f*cking
nerd that I thought that too.
- Yeah.
- I didn't read that piece of paper.
I don't have a dad, so I don't
know how to read, okay?
That's my problem.
Boys, I see a lot of talking,
not a lot of working.
Phil, you're on diaper duty,
and, Mike, you're on
nail clipping this week.
That baby's butt isn't
gonna clean itself.
Trust me. (LAUGHS) Spent a lot
of time with that butthole.
(HUMMING)
Why the hell am I on ass duty
when Mike just gets
to clip the toenails?
This freaking sucks.
Heh. Ass doodie.
(WHISPERS IN ELVISH)
All right, this isn't so Ba...
Oh, God, no!
f*ck.
(CHEERING)
No, no, no, no, no.
No. No, you listen to me!
No, f*ck you! I told you!
Bebe don't do birthday parties!
Okay, okay. You take the phone
you're talking to me with
and you shove it right
up your g*dd*mn ass!
Piece of f*cking sh*t!
Hey, Diane, hold my
calls, okay, sweetie?
(INHALES) Ooh!
Simon's house!
Ooh, I'm the king of the castle, baby!
I own rat town! Whoo!
♪ ♪
(BEBE COOS, FARTS)
Guys, come on, it's a
human f*cking baby.
It's the seventh wonder
of the f*cking sewers!
I'm bored with the baby.
I hate this baby.
f*ck your baby!
Andy, come on, you want
to see the baby, right?
Not really. I'm not interested.
How are you not interested?
You were just obsessed
with the baby, dude!
I don't know. It lost its luster.
We just need to hit our
minimum for the day
or else Simon's gonna
come down on me, dude.
- Wow. Look at you.
- Andy, don't look at me like that.
- Don't f*cking look at me like that.
- I gotta go.
Dude, where are you f*cking going, man?
This... This is not fun anymore, right?
No. Why don't we just
let the baby go free?
I mean, this is honestly starting to
feel like Blackfish or something.
- Yeah.
- Like Whitebaby.
- Yeah. That's actually a good one.
- Heh. Thanks.
You know what? f*ck this,
dude. Let's just quit.
Bebe... (SPEAKS ELVISH)
Hey, Simon, I gotta tell
you, man. I don't think...
Ack!
Oh, what the f*ck?
That was funny. I'll pay
tuppence for that sh*t.
Did you see that f*cking
p*ssy sucker punch me?
Hey, hit him back! (CHEERING)
- (WHISTLING)
- Whoo!
Hey, Phil, why don't
you, uh, fight the baby?
(CHEERING)
Dude, Simon, you were the one who was
worried about its health before.
We are not resorting to v*olence
for cheap entertainment.
- Poop jokes, maybe, but not v*olence.
- Yeah. It's cheap.
Look around, guys. Just seconds
ago, they were about to walk out.
As soon as that baby hit
you, it's all eyes on us.
No one wants this baby act anymore.
We need to spice things up, okay?
Or we're gonna be flat on our asses
- sucking each other off for laughs, man!
- What?
Look, I got expensive habits now,
and Daddy wants what Daddy gets.
And if Daddy needs to open up a
diamond mine to get some blood,
he'll f*ck a dead dog to do it.
- Simon, you took a turn.
- I kinda like him though
- 'cause he's like, dark and confident.
- Yeah.
Seems to me like Phil and Mike are
both p*ssy-ass babies themselves!
I'm not a f*cking baby.
I'm not a f*cking p*ssy.
- We're not f*cking babies.
- Straight up, dude.
- Prove it!
- Fine.
Ahem. Give me that Mic.
On Sunday night...
I'm gonna f*ck this baby up!
(CHEERING)
♪ ♪
♪ Do you find it gets a little easier ♪
♪ Each time you make it disappear? ♪
♪ Oh, fools, the magician
bends the rules ♪
♪ As the crowd watches his every move ♪
(WHISTLING)
♪ I'm just crazy about my little tulip ♪
♪ I love her so, I love her so ♪
(HUMMING)
Tulip, I'm home!
Ugh, it was a hell of a day at
work, I'll tell you that much.
- (MALE) Oh, yeah, baby! Oh God.
- Hello?
What is that?
- The sound of a man moaning?
- Oh, you're so beautiful.
Hmm. Sounds like a p*rn movie.
Is Tulip watching a stag film?
- You're my queen, baby. I'm your drone.
- Tulip?
Oh, give me that pollen!
Get it all over my legs!
Hey! What the f*ck is this?!
Oh, sh*t, sorry, sorry.
I got... I got...
Who the f*ck are you?!
I can explain, I'm
sorry! What the f*ck?!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Okay, my name's Todd.
I didn't know she was your flower.
- Todd?
- Yeah.
- From the gym?
- Yeah, from the gym at the hive.
I saw you sh*t in the shower!
Right. That's my thing.
- Why are you pollinating with my Tulip?!
- She didn't...
She didn't tell me she
was committed, okay?
- I didn't know this was happening.
- Just shut up for a minute, okay?
Can I talk to my woman?
Tulip, sweetie, baby.
I thought things were going
so great between us?
You know? I...
I know. I know.
And I'm working on that.
But that's what I'm saying.
No, no, no, you go. I
don't want to interrupt.
(SNIFFS) I wish I had a time machine
and make everything right again.
(CRYING)
Listen, man, I think I'm gonna
just buzz off, I'm gonna bee out.
Hey, listen, this isn't a Jerry
Seinfeld movie, okay, this is life.
Did he make a movie? I
thought he was a TV guy?
You didn't audition for that?
No, I don't... I don't audition a lot.
I did some motion capture on that
film. It was a good experience.
Oh, wow, that's really cool.
Mm-hmm. We improv'ed a lot, too.
Oh, Jerry Seinfeld's one of the
funniest comedians of all time.
- He's one of the greats.
- Yeah.
Bee Movie, it's called.
You know, if the circumstances
were different,
maybe I'd consider you a friend,
but she's my flower, man!
I thought all these flowers were fair
game, man, I'm sorry. I didn't...
- Whip it out.
- What?
You whip it out.
- Whip it out... Oh, really?
- I wanna see it.
Is that what it's coming down to?
What do you got that I don't have, huh?
We don't need to do
this to prove anything.
What's the matter? You're
ashamed of your stinger now?
I'm not ashamed of anything.
Check this out.
What are you doing? Ha!
Nice and sharp, huh?
You gotta take a chill pill.
- Come on, pull it out.
- Sorry.
- Come on, come on.
- No, man.
It's okay. You don't have the wings?
You don't have the wings? I'm not...
All right, you wanna see
it? I wanna see it.
Here you go.
(GASPS) The f*ck is that, dude?
It's a beautiful stinger, is
what that is. Look at that.
Well, I... I got nothing.
You got nothing on that?
I'm gonna b*at the
f*cking sh*t out of you!
Oh, yeah? Your ass is grass,
and I'm a lawn mower, bro!
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
You son of a... Come here!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
♪ Stan ♪
♪ You honey sucking bee ♪
- Oh, wow...
- Hey, hey, shut up. Just listen.
♪ I just can't be for you ♪
♪ You know? ♪
♪ I gotta be true ♪
♪ To what I have to do ♪
(SNIFFS) That's my Tulip.
- That's... our Tulip.
- Our Tulip.
♪ But pollination ♪
♪ Is bigger than me and you ♪
It really puts it in
perspective, doesn't it?
♪ It's a subtle vibration ♪
- (MUSIC ENDS)
- Aah!
He k*lled her! He f*cking
k*lled her! Oh, no!
Let's sting this guy!
Are you kidding me?
If we sting this guy, it's
curtains for both of us.
I'm in. Are you?
- For Tulip.
- For Tulip.
Good night, cruel world.
- Kamikaze!
- Kamikaze!
♪ ♪
In other news, two bees
have kamikazed themselves
in what seems to be a lovers' quarrel.
Suffice it to say the hive will
not mourn this selfish insolence.
Love live the hive! All hail the hive!
♪ All hail the hive ♪
♪ And Jerry Seinfeld ♪
♪ Is our one, true god ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Chocolate, cinnamon sugar ♪
Brochures! Brochures!
Phil versus the Baby!
Fresh merch right here!
We got hats, caps, shirts, bandannas.
We got a tuft of the
baby's f*cking hair!
We got a vial of its blood!
Look at this shark's tooth necklace,
but that's the baby's toenail.
One of a kind! You want a T-shirt, kid?
You know what? f*ck off!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC STARTS) (CROWD CHEERS)
Ladies and gentlemen,
at a whopping . inches tall,
please put your hands together
for Phil!
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) (CROWD BOOING)
(CRACKING)
(MURMURING)
And in the other corner,
weighing in at over pounds,
The Baby!
(SPEAKS ELVISH)
Bebe, up-up!
(CROWD GASPS)
As the prophecies foretold...
the baby walks.
- Oh, my God, his first steps.
- Aww.
My God, it's beautiful.
Such grace, such beauty.
Yes. I'm a god now.
(SCREAMING)
I am a god now!
(PEOPLE MURMURING)
Phil! You thought you could
bully me? Boss me around?
Why? Because I'm a dork?
Because I'm a dinger?
Well, f*ck you, man!
I just wanted to be
friends. Is that so bad?
Am I so bad?
It's f*cking hard being a teenager.
Growing up is hard. But
instead of banding together,
we just treat each other like sh*t
just to try to get laughs.
A marker? Up my butt?
You know, if you'd have
just let me be your friend,
I would have shoved a lot
worse things up my butt.
We're all scared, we're all confused,
and we are alone.
But this ends tonight.
This is between you and me, Phil.
Aah!
- Oof!
- (BELL DINGS)
Haha! Come on, you guys are loving this!
New York City!
Is this what you wanted?
You wanna see some blood?
You wanna see some blood, m*therf*ckers?
- Yeah!
- (GRUNTING)
Yeah!
Oh, yeah! Oh, Phil.
Oh, look, Phil's sucking my d*ck.
Oh-ho-ho!
You like that, Phil? You
shouldn't have f*cked with me!
Haha! Simon and the Baby rule!
Ho-ho, got me out of the house tonight.
Now I'm sucking Phil's d*ck. Ungh.
Didn't see that one
coming. Look at that!
Oh, I'm so gay.
Yeah, right.
(SIRENS BLARING)
- Oww.
- You like that?
No, f*ck off, Simon.
I'm gonna steal Michael away from you.
Stop! Stop fighting!
No, he's all I have!
Don't you get it, Simon?
I'm insecure.
Well, I have no one!
f*ck Phil! Who's Principal Little
d*ck now, you little sh*t?
All right, lot of eyes on me.
Probably shouldn't be
here. I'm gonna go.
Simon, please...
I'll do anything, dude,
just f*cking stop, please.
Anything?
Yeah, dude, f*cking anything.
Oh...
(LAUGHS)
I suppose I deserve this.
Daniel, spotlight.
I want everybody to see.
Oh, and Phil, leave the
cap on, this time.
With the cap on it's even
wider than the base.
Ugh.
(CROWD GASPS)
It's deuce ex machine time.
Run!
Everybody run! Move! (ALL SHOUTING)
Women and children last!
Get out of my way!
Go, get out of here!
Bebe! (SHOUTS IN ELVISH)
You're your own Bebe, now.
Get out of here, go. Go on, get!
(SHOUTS IN ELVISH)
(CRYING)
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
Okay, so...
you two did absolutely
no community service.
Well, I mean, we tried, and
then we got sidetracked.
And, Simon, you tamed a human baby
and made it your sl*ve,
- which is a big no-no.
- What? Ugh.
But, I gotta say,
that little show you put
on was a lot of fun, boys.
(CHUCKLES) It was, pardon my French,
f*cking balls-out crazy.
Ha. He cursed.
And I don't think any of
your parents would like it
if they knew I was there,
so we're all good.
Everybody's off the hook.
- All right.
- Nice, dude.
That's mighty cool of
you, Principal Leif.
Oh, get out of here, you scamps.
All right. Thank you, Principal.
See you, Principal Leif.
Hey, um, I don't know what
you're doing right now,
but we have a free period,
and we usually just, like,
carve stuff into desks in the library
- if you want to come with us.
- Yeah, that kind of stuff.
Gentlemen, it would be my honor.
Cool, man.
Oh, Phil, one more thing.
Oh, um, I'll catch up with you guys.
Oh, cool, yeah.
Don't fill up the whole
desk this time, okay?
Okay, cool. "Fill up," like my name.
We'll leave some space for you, Phil.
Haha, thanks, dude.
Hey, what's up Principal Lit...
I mean, Principal Leif?
Look, Phil, this is a little delicate,
but I'm just gonna say it. Go ahead.
When you got in trouble, I called
your mother on the telephone.
And, um... well, we sort of hit it off.
We went out on a few dates,
- and...
- What?
Well, I asked her to marry me, Phil.
- What?
- We're getting married, Phil.
My mom? I'm going to be your new dad.
I got tickets to the triple-A
ball game this weekend.
I hope you'll come with me.
Get some hot dogs and a coke.
Really get to know each other.
How's that sound?
I don't know what to
say, Principal Leif.
I mean, can...
Can I call you Daddy?
- Oh, boy.
- Can I hug you?
- Oh, this is brutal.
- What's brutal?
Oh! Ho-ho-ho!
Simon? What are you doing here?
- You just got re-pranked!
- Dude, you just got got!
You were on the intercom,
the whole school heard you!
What the f*ck? Did you...
You thought you had a dad? That's the
stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Principal Leif, that was a prank?
No, I would never marry your
mother. Your mother's a dump.
Haha! Phil thought he had a dad!
(LAUGHING) I f*cking knew
it was a joke, dude.
You thought you had a dad.
No, dude, it was a joke
on all of you guys.
Simon, that was hilarious,
good job, dude.
Hey, great job to you, Mike.
Let's do our secret handshake.
No! I'm losing Mike!
(CRYING) What's happening here?
Daddy!
- MIKE: Oh...
- (SOBBING)
♪ Stan ♪
♪ You honey-sucking bee ♪
(COOS)
Oh, Bebe, I wish you
were there to see it.
He cried like a...
Well, like a baby. Haha.
And then he got mad, he
spray-painted Principal Leif's car,
and that got him a suspension.
It's a whole thing. Yeah.
I have a feeling he's not going
to graduate with us on time.
(DOOR OPENS) Oh, sh**t,
your mom's coming.
Okay, I'll talk to you later, bye.
And remember...
(SPEAKS ELVISH)
♪ I'll always love you ♪
♪ But pollination ♪
♪ Is bigger ♪
♪ Than me and you ♪
♪ Pollination ♪
♪ It's a subtle vibration ♪
♪ And hey, Stan ♪
♪ Don't ever ♪
♪ Tell me what to do ♪
02x06 - Rats.
"Animals" revolves around the downtrodden creatures native to New York City, with each episode consisting of a different cast and story line.