(theme music playing)
♪ Animals ♪
♪ Animals ♪
Previously on Animals:
Phil: Hey, Johnny?
I can't wait to grows up
and be just like you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, listen, kid.
We're different, okay?
Your destiny is something much bigger.
That's what Pop wanted,
that's what Mom wanted.
We in big f*ckin' trouble, Johnny!
Johnny: Alabaster, what the f*ck
are you doing in Little Italy?
You stay in your
f*ckin' hood, all right?
I was hoping you'd say that.
- Oh!
- Johnny, no, no!
Remember my face.
Big p*ssy: We need to retaliate.
Tonight!
(gasps)
Oh my God! Someone k*lled Chuckles.
I k*lled Chuckles.
If Alabaster's crew
is expanding their territories,
then we need to do it too, all right?
Yeah, that makes sense, Philly. It's
time for Johnny's crew to grow up.
Oh thank you for your time, Phil.
You've grown up into such
a fine, young feline.
Two Bridges is Alabaster's
territory, all right?
Are they gonna fall
for the Two Bridges trap?
I believe so, I think...
(chuckles) hook, line and sinker.
I want to do the hit
on Phil, 'cause, uh,
he k*lled my brother Chuckles
and I wanna do the hit on him.
You'll get your blood in due time.
In doo-doo time.
♪ ♪
♪ Brother ♪
(beeps)
♪ Selfish Molly has a way ♪
(beeping)
♪ Of makin' ♪
♪ Any plans for her day ♪
♪ 'Cause she only knows ♪
♪ How to love all alone ♪
♪ It hurts ♪
♪ In my bones ♪
♪ And I swear ♪
♪ I swear, I swear ♪
♪ You better stick with me ♪
- (elevator dings)
- (electricity crackles)
(loud rock music playing)
Yeah!
Give me some of that sh*t.
(sniffs)
Oh, yeah!
I'm f*ckin' high!
It's powdered sugar!
- Hey, Philly?
- Hey, what's up, Mikey?
Sorry, I hate to be a bother.
You mind just turning the
radio down just a little bit.
Oh, Mikey, you got it. (sniffs)
- Mikey, for you!
- Oh, thank you so much!
- All right, go back to bed.
- I really appreciate it.
All righty, good night, have fun, okay?
Watch this.
Watch this. (snickering)
(music volume increases)
- Hey, Philly.
- How's it going, man?
Yeah, Mikey. What can
I do for you, sir?
It actually sounded
like the radio got louder.
Uh, no. I don't think it did, Mikey.
You know what, you're gettin' old.
I think it's your ear, probably.
I'm sorry, if you could
just... one more time.
One more time?
Turn it down a little bit
that would be really great.
- All right.
- Thank you. Thank you, guys.
- Go back to bed!
- All right.
Grandpa's got to go to sleep, yeah.
- I do appreciate it.
- Yeah, yeah.
- (door closes)
- One more time?
What do you think, one more time?
All right, all right.
(snickers)
(volume increases)
Hey, Philly, quit f*ckin' with me!
Come on!
Jesus Christ, he's f*ckin' with me.
He's singling me out to f*ck with me.
Ah, that resentful
motherfook-ay a-mozzerel!
(exhales) Just take a breath.
It's like the counselor said,
"Anger leads nowhere."
Ah.
Philly.
Like what you've done with the place.
Remember this used
to be my room, Mikey?
- Heh.
- I can... I remember I was in here
the night Johnny d*ed.
And I was yelling out to him. You
remember the last thing I said to him?
My brother, Johnny, remember
the last thing I said to him?
I said, "I hate you, Johnny.
- I hate you."
- Philly, you were a kid.
Johnny knew you didn't mean it.
Yeah. No, I know.
- (sniffs)
- Hey, Mikey, you, uh,
are you going somewhere?
Oh, ha, that thing, nah.
One of those, you know, nut jobs down
the street were handing 'em out.
Get some sleep.
Oh, and Mikey?
Don't ever raise your voice to me
again in front of the crew. Ever.
(rock music blaring)
(door slams)
Hey, Philly, come have a drink, huh?
- I think I'm gonna hit the hay.
- Come on!
- You guys have fun though.
- Stay out of trouble.
(clears throat) Excuse me, God
bless you. Have a good night.
Good night, boss.
Hon? Hon, are you home?
Phil, is that you?
There's my perfect wife.
Can I have a kiss?
How are you, baby?
What are you doing, a Sudoku?
Oh, gosh, I've missed you.
Oh, Theresa, you're so innocent.
Let me just say something
right off the bat.
I'm sorry I haven't made time for you.
- Come on!
- I really am.
No, I totally get it.
You gotta run the g*ng.
- Mm-hmm.
- You deal with several antagonists.
They keep comin' out of nowhere!
And... and a fraying
relationship with Mike.
And not to mention carry on
your dead brother's legacy.
Johnny, rest in peace. Those
are big shoes to fill, Phil.
(chuckles) I love name jokes.
Theresa, you are the love of my life.
And that's the other thing!
There is no conflict between us.
That's true. It's like a roller coaster
that keeps going up
and never has a dip.
We're financially stable.
Mutual bank account.
We're faithful to each other.
Hey, by the way, the guys, they
really appreciated the strippers.
That was a good idea.
The strippers worked out!
They worked out great. Boosted morale.
They need that, you know,
it's Christmas time.
You're the best husband ever.
- Hey, baby?
- Mm-hmm?
Wanna have sex?
Oh. I'm a little...
- bloated.
- Bloated, yeah, okay.
- A massage might be nice.
- Hey, here you go!
(purring) Oh, oh.
I love you so much.
Oh, honey, what's that poking me?
Why don't you go ahead and turn
around and take a look-see?
Hamilton tickets!
Alabaster: What you got
up on the walls there?
Those are free calendars
that come with Chinese food.
Free calendars, look at that.
Don't the Chinese have
a way with calendars?
- Calendars and fireworks.
- Calendars and fire... I always said.
- Calendars and fireworks.
- Calendars and fireworks.
The Chinese know how to do it.
And they're not shy about it!
Um, (clears throat), hey, boss.
Uh, something came up, I need
to talk to you immediately.
(gasps) Is it Phil's crew?
Okay, let's get ready.
I knew this was coming.
- Come on!
- No, no, no, no.
The printer is out of ink.
- The big one downstairs?
- The big one, yeah.
The big one that has a million buttons.
Now, this is what
stresses me out, you know.
(sighs) We are an evil crime syndicate,
and the thing that keeps me up
at night is that people here
keep printing full color pages. Why?
- I know.
- They'll stretch out these memes.
- And it's just like a frog.
- Yeah.
- It's got nothing to do with work.
- Yeah.
There's nothing funny
about it, really, in essence.
Yeah, I hear that, I hear.
Yeah, I'm actually working
on my one-man show,
and so, I actually
have to canvas some fliers.
Gigglepuss: Take the Bait. My life.
Yes, the one-man show.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You've told us many times.
- Right.
- Why don't you just give us a taste?
Get it out of your system.
Stage is black, totally black.
Boom. Spotlight.
- Me in a diaper and a fishing pole.
- Right.
I start singing
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat."
♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪
And then I point to the person in the
first row to start the round-robin.
♪ Row, row, row... ♪ And it's great,
it's a great opening,
but no one shows up,
so it's just me singing
the friggin' song.
And one of these days,
we're gonna go see it, so...
- If we had shows...
- Thank you very... Okay, bye.
- I'll just leave you a flier in here.
- Bye!
♪ With this I'm scraping by ♪
Excuse me.
You got any agave nectar?
- Go f*ck yourself.
- Ah, Big Puss.
I'm just tired of the crew life
to be honest with ya.
It's just not the same
since Phil took over.
Hey, Mikey, are you still, uh,
thinkin' about gettin' out?
I don't know, I'm all mixed up.
And I checked out a couple shelters
nearby, but who am I kiddin'?
No human would want me.
I'm old and my bum ear.
- Hey, you're beautiful.
- No.
You are.
Thanks, Big P.
I'm hogging conversation.
How are things with you and Jeremy?
Good... I think.
I don't know, I-I-I just wish
I knew what we were, you know?
- Well, how many dates has it been?
- Maybe ten?
Ten dates and you guys
aren't exclusive?
- Is that bad?
- Well, it sounds to me like
you need to have
a pretty serious conversation.
- ASAP.
- I know, I know, I just...
I don't want to scare the guy away.
I mean, I really like what we have.
It's... it's nice to have
somebody around.
- Yeah.
- And it's him, I love him.
Ah, sh*t.
I gotta go, uh, pick up
something for dinner tonight.
- Phil's orders.
- All right, hey, Big Puss?
Thanks for listening.
You're a good friend.
- No, you're a good friend.
- Aah.
And I'll see you later tonight, okay?
- Definitely, right?
- Definitely, for sure. Come on, man.
- I'll see ya later!
- I got it! I got it!
♪ Cronuts ♪
♪ Where are you? ♪
♪ Where are yooooooou? ♪
f*ckin' better than Tony Bennett.
Where the f*ck is
the frickin' cronut place?
It was supposed to be right here.
- Hey! assh*le!
- Oh! What the f*ck was that?
- (crew cackling)
- (yowling)
Real cute scooter!
Big Puss: Hey! Fatass. Where's Phil?
f*ck you, you bald m*therf*cker!
Outta my f*cking way!
Wait a minute, I know you.
Yeah, that's right.
I'm not Father Anthony anymore.
I'm Gigglepuss. (cackles)
No, I saw your ad
for your one-man show.
- Take the Bait?
- Yeah, it's a good title.
Oh, man, thank you.
Thanks a lot, thank you.
I heard it's getting great reviews.
It's doing all right.
I don't want to boast.
There is life outside of
work, you know what I mean?
Yep.
- We gotta stay active, you know?
- You gotta!
I've been painting a lot, just
some, you know, watercolors.
Oh, that's great.
I actually had a gallery
showing in SoHo last week.
- Oh, is that right?
- You know that guy Terry Richardson?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah! Ah, that's amazing.
- He was there.
But guess who didn't show up. Your boss.
- f*ckin' Phil. Yeah.
- Right? Yeah. Same with me.
You know how bosses are. They
always got somethin' better to do.
Does this sound familiar? "Oh,
I'd love to, I got a thing."
"A thing." (chuckling)
What, are you seeing
the movie The Thing?
What? Are you
gonna play with your thing?
Stop jerking my thing around
and come to my show, right?
I love to chuckle.
- Yeah. Chuckles. Chuckles.
- Nothing better than a good chuckle.
That's right, you k*lled
my brother, Chuckles!
Chuckle, chuckle.
- Ah-ha!
- This is for my brother!
Ah! Ah, no!
They're slicin' me up like a piece of
f*ckin' mortadella, you m*therf*ckers.
Oh, boy, this really stinks!
Oh, no! That's it
for Big p*ssy, everybody.
That's a f*ckin' wrap!
Wrap me up like a piece of f*ckin' fish!
f*ck you, you cocksuckers. See ya later.
(cats yowling)
Announcer: Intermission.
But, uh, why not tack on
an infomercial, baby?
Relive all your favorite Cats: Parts
and moments with merchandise.
Who are you to talk to me like
that, you frickin' gabagoo?
Oh!
A Phil plush doll that comes
with its own line of powdered sugar.
- Ooh! That's good.
- (cheers)
A Big p*ssy doll that can, maybe,
do, like, wheelies
and go off jumps and sh*t.
Get out of my way.
I'm trying to do a wheelie here.
Where the f*ck is the cronut place?
Announcer: Posters, pins, bedsheets,
and the Cats collection on DVD.
"DVD's are dead," you say,
you little fucker?
Well, think of it like vinyl records.
They were dead, and now they're cool.
Plus DVD extras including a
"Making Of" with the creators.
Can we please see our "pawents" now?
My fingers "huwt."
Announcer: So, buy now.
Buy, buy, don't think.
Thinking is for dorks.
You're not a dork, are you?
Call this fake number.
Buying is good! Mommy, I want!
Mommy, I want!
(death metal music playing)
(rapid beeping)
(grunts interrogatively)
Hmm...
Huh.
Whew!
(camera whirring)
♪ ♪
(gasps, whimpers)
♪ ♪
- (stammers)
- (electricity crackles)
(shuddering)
(screams)
(screaming)
(static crackles)
(violin music playing)
(lively chattering)
Hey! Hey, hey, glasses up,
glasses up, all right?
I want to make a toast.
To Johnny, my brother,
and a friend to us all.
He would have been so proud to see the
crew that we've become, you know.
You know, back in Johnny's day
it was just Little Italy.
But now we got Tribeca. We got Soho.
We got Nolita.
(clears throat) Excuse
me, excuse me, Phil?
I'd like to add something
as well if that's all right.
- Mikey, who is this guy?
- No idea.
I'm sorry, what's your name again?
T-Terrence. Yeah. Terrence.
- Terrence. How... how long?
- I think he's an intern?
- We have interns?
- (Terrence clears throat)
As many of you know,
I... I had a rough year.
My feline leukemia morphed
into a full-blown lymphoma in February,
and after that... (sighs) the tumors.
Jesus Christ.
If it wasn't for your
crowdfunding campaigns
and generous personal donations,
I wouldn't be here today.
No, no, I mean it.
It's been a long road.
But thanks to you all,
there's hope.
- Okay, uh...
- I have merchandise for sale.
Bracelets, "Make Terrence
Healthy Again" hats,
Bandcamp page where you can
download my debut album,
inspirational DVD.
All proceeds go to Terrence.
Terrence is me.
Thank you. Everybody let's
give it up for Terrence.
- Give it up for Terrence, everybody.
- Give it up for Terrence.
Thank you, thank you, thanks.
- Okay...
- So, Phil, as you were saying.
As I was saying, it's
a little hard to...
Honestly, a tough act to follow.
You know what, just go right back
to the equally important thing
- that you were starting with.
- Okay. Go ahead.
This dinner, this celebration,
the changing of times.
- Johnny's Club is no more.
- Huh?
What the f*ck does he mean?
- What does he mean?
- What's he talking about?
From now on,
we're "Phil's Club!"
Take it off, Junior, take the thing off.
Show 'em the sign!
Yeah! You like that?
Cost a lot of money.
We're changing, all right?
Because tomorrow, we're
officially moving to the coast.
We're taking Two Bridges!
Phil's Crew's gonna be the strongest
crew New York City's ever seen.
(cheering)
- (slurps)
- Phil, what are you talking about?
We said "no" on Two Bridges.
You said "no," Mikey.
I said nothing, okay?
You know what, I got
Big p*ssy down there
right now on a f*ckin' recon mission.
Pickin' up some cronuts.
We're gettin' dessert, boys.
All right, dessert!
Wait. You sent Big p*ssy? By himself?
Into f*cking enemy territory?
- Whoa, whoa, Big p*ssy...
- Are you kidding me?
Big p*ssy's f*cking tough, all right!
He can fend for himself.
And I'm not afraid of any f*cking crew,
especially not Alabaster's crew.
Have you noticed
he hasn't come back yet?
I'm f*cking worried over here.
Oh my God.
He's probably just out with
one of his little boyfriends,
the f*ckin' fanook.
You know what I mean?
- f*ck you!
- Hey!
The f*ck did you just say to me?
I said, a fangoolah!
- You're a fangoolah!
- Hey!
- Fangool!
- You motherfuck!
- Hey, you motherfuck!
- Yeah, your mother!
You butter boy, betcha bum!
- Fangool!
- No, you're the fangool!
- Heeeeeey!
- Heeeeeey!
Sorry to bother you, boss.
What do you want, huh?
You got a package.
- Ooh, what is this?
- Oh, you know what?
I ordered one of those
Tempur-Pedic neck pillows.
I bet it's that.
(Alabaster's voice reading)
_
(tense music)
Aw.
(gags)
- What is it, Philly?
- No, no, no, no, no.
- f*ckin' oh!
- What's in the box?
Get it the f*ck out of here,
- I can't f*ckin' look at that.
- Let me see, let me see, hold on.
It's his head!
- It's Big p*ssy's head in a box!
- No!
They f*ckin' Paltrow-ed him.
They f*ckin' got Big...
All right, all right, all right!
Everybody suit up, we're
going to w*r, all right?
Junior, put out the word.
Pier One in minutes, let's go.
Let's go! This ain't a
f*ckin' drill, here we go!
Philly, hold on, come on.
Let's think this through, okay?
(snorting)
We got to leave Two Bridges,
all right? We don't need it.
I'm sorry, Mikey, did you not just see
Big p*ssy's head in a f*cking box?
Hey, I've known Big p*ssy
since I was born.
Never in a million years, did I think
I'd see Big p*ssy get Paltrow-ed.
- It's f*cking crazy.
- Mm-mm-mm.
- It's honestly f*cked up.
- Honestly, pretty...
- So f*cked up.
- Dude, it's like, so f*cking scary.
I didn't even see what was in the box.
I watched you open it.
- Yeah! I felt like barfing.
- The blood left your face.
- I honestly was about to barf.
- I thought you were going to, yeah.
- But you were saying, I'm sorry.
- Sorry, so I was saying.
It's not f*ckin' lost on me what
happened to Big Puss, okay?
- Mm-hmm.
- Alabaster? His crew?
They're not like other cats.
They're sick!
I was there at the first
Pier One battle.
Pier One-One.
- Pier Eleven in some dialects.
- Mm-hmm.
You choose to go to w*r with Alabaster?
All these kids that worship you,
you're sendin' 'em in to die!
Wait, wait, wait. I know why
you don't wanna fight, Mikey.
Why's that?
You don't want to get anymore messed up.
You want to stay pretty so you can
get adopted by some f*cking human.
I know why you had that brochure.
What the heck you talkin' about?
You want to leave the f*ckin' crew
life, then get out, all right?
Go live with a human and drink
some milk out of a shoe
or whatever the f*ck
they do in those houses.
I mean, really, Mikey,
you think you can get adopted?
Look at you with that ear,
you're a f*cking monster.
You're the monster, Philly.
You think Johnny would've been proud?
At what his crew's turned into?
The flashiness? The dr*gs?
- The paw-stitutes?
- (meows)
- Prostitutes but cats.
- Mm-hmm.
We could've restored order, and respect
to being a New York alley cat.
But instead we scratched and bit,
and all the kids got
iPhones and Snapchats.
And I don't get it!
I don't get the template.
I can't find the "follow" button.
"Order and respect," Mikey?
Order and respect?
That went out the window the
night Alabaster k*lled Johnny,
and you f*cking know it, all right?
It's a dog-eat-dog world
and I'm looking for some p*ssy.
- Let's go!
- (gasps)
Don't dramatically
block the door, Mikey.
You're still young.
Go back to school.
Go to university.
You're smart.
You're not like the rest of us, Philly.
I chose this life, Mikey.
(sniffles)
I love you, Mikey.
I love you, too.
- Do you wanna boy hug?
- Let's boy hug.
You know, like a too
aggressive pat on the back.
I'm gonna slap your back to offset the
fact that I can feel your heartbeat.
It's a beautiful
and confusing thing, us boys.
May God look after you, Philly.
Hard cut.
All right, everybody stay focused, okay?
I don't know where they're...
Shh, what the f*ck was that?
Alabaster: Mmmm!
Philip, right?
You're Johnny's kid
brother, all grown up.
(scoffs) I remember
the last time we was here
and you were crying like a baby.
Waa! Waa, Johnny! You remember that?
Goo-goo-ga-ga.
Little baby. (chuckling)
(whispers) Psst, hey, Terrence.
You're gonna make it, buddy.
Thank you so much for your support.
Always so nice to meet a fan.
Let me ask you something.
How'd you know Big p*ssy was
gonna be in Two Bridges, huh?
Well, I had a little help
from my friend.
You might know him as Father Anthony.
(with Irish accent) Well, what do
we have here? A bunch of jerk-offs.
Father Anthony, you
don't wanna be here,
all right? Things are
about to get messy.
- Oh, Father Anthony?
- Yeah.
Or is it...
Voila.
Wait. Father Anthony, you're bald?
Listen, dumbass, my real
name is Gigglepuss.
You k*lled my brother, Chuckles,
now I'm gonna k*ll you for revenge.
Oh! I really thought
you was Irish this whole time.
Are you an actor?
Look, we're all actors in some respect.
But I'm trying to be
a professional actor, yeah.
- Wow!
- I got a one-man show going now.
- It's doing really well...
- Oh, here it is with the one-man show.
So, anyway. Yeah, guys, I
want revenge on Alabaster.
- Gigglepuss wants revenge on me.
- Bingo.
Now this has gotten a little muddy.
- I agree.
- It is a little muddy, but...
- Why don't we just go at it?
- All-out brawl type of thing.
I like to call it a melee.
- Ooh! A melee!
- Yeah, I like that.
Complete chaos, and then
whoever wins is the winner.
- Okay, yeah, that sounds great.
- That sound good?
- This is gonna be fun.
- Okay, so let's...
All three: One, two, three.
(yowling, snarling)
Gig flies!
(Gigglepuss yowling)
Just make it quick, all right?
Aw, no!
- For Big p*ssy!
- (yowls)
- Mikey!
- Did I f*cking k*ll him?
You f*cking k*lled Gigglepuss, dude!
I f*cking didn't mean to k*ll him.
All right, focus up! Focus up!
(yowling)
All right, Alabaster.
It's you and me, buddy.
You ready to meet your maker?
Ah, Johnny's Kn*fe.
Well, I have something
of Johnny's as well.
What, like a gift?
Yeah, it's like a gift.
You remember this?
Johnny's tooth.
Oh, you recognize it?
Phil, what is it? I can't see.
It's Johhny's tooth.
He pulled out Johnny's tooth.
I've got Johnny's switchblade.
It's very symbolic. Feels good.
All right, stay focused.
Stop talking to me.
All right, Alabaster.
Let's finish this once and for all.
Yeah, let me finish it
once and for all for you.
Okey-doke.
(both grunting)
And then I'll... I'll flip.
- Oh, will you now?
- Haha.
- What if I did this, huh?
- Yeah, what if you did?
- Okay, I tried.
- Oh!
(both grunt)
(groans)
No. (coughs)
- (coughs)
- Oh, Philly.
(chuckles)
Oh, you got me.
(groans) I was a good kitty,
just made all wrong.
They gave ol' Alabaster the wrong parts.
I bid y'all a farewell.
Mwah!
(yelling)
(gags, vomits)
♪ ♪
Mikey, come close.
Yeah, Philly, what is it?
I think...
I think I'm gonna go
finish my homework now.
(groans)
(mournful meowing)
♪ ♪
(neon buzzing)
Woo! Terrence is healthy and scary!
Lil' bitch!
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Stray ♪
♪ Cats ♪
♪ Stray cats ♪
♪ Hey, all you stray cats ♪
♪ Go and find a home ♪
♪ Wrap yourself in bandages ♪
♪ Ah, stray cats ♪
♪ Baba-loo, the stray cats
Baba-loo, the stray cats ♪
♪ Baba-loo, the stray cats
Baba-loo, the stray cats... ♪
(wind whistling)
♪ Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream ♪
♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily,
merrily, life is but a dream ♪
All: ♪ Row, row, row your
boat gently down the stream ♪
♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily,
merrily, life is but a dream ♪
Dreams! That's how you take the bait.
(cheering)
- Great!
- Fantastic!
- Go Gigglepuss!
- Beautiful!
♪ We are sad and wasted ♪
♪ Ah, stray cats ♪
♪ Baba-loo, the stray cats ♪
♪ Baba-loo, the stray cats ♪
♪ Baba-loo, the stray cats ♪
♪ Baba-loo, the stray cats ♪
♪ Baba-loo, the stray cats ♪
♪ Baba-loo, the stray cats ♪
♪ Baba-loo, the stray cats ♪
02x08 - Cats - Part 2
"Animals" revolves around the downtrodden creatures native to New York City, with each episode consisting of a different cast and story line.