15x06 - City Slushi

Episode transcripts of the TV show, "South Park." Aired August 1997 to current.*
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The misadventures of four boys who live in the fictional town of South Park, Colorado.
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15x06 - City Slushi

Post by bunniefuu »

"City Sushi"

Hello sir, Postman Butters with
a special delivery for you.

What's this?

An all new Sushi restaurant
just opened in town.

Try their lunch specials.

Thanks.

You can count on Postman Butters.

Special delivery, ma'am.

Here you are, sir.

Brand new Sushi restaurant in town.

A flyer for you from Postman Butters.

Welcome to Shitty Wok.

Can I take a order please.

Hello, sir,

Postman Butters here with a
special delivery for you.

What are you talking about?

It's a coupon for a brand new Asian
restaurant that just opened up in town.

A what?

Let me see that.

Oh, no.

A Sushi place.

How come every time a hard-working
Chinese man open a business

some smelly Japanese dog tries
to come and inv*de him.

I don't know, I'm just being
paid to hand out flyers.

Where is this Japanese toilet bowl.

How far from my Shitty Wok?

You mean the Sushi restaurant?

It's right over there.

What?

What?

What the f*ck?

Welcome to City Sushi.

Can I take a order please?

What's the big idea putting your shitty
Sushi right next to my Shitty Wok.

I'm sorry,

I do not understand your accent.

You want the shitty tuna roll?

No, I don't want shitty tuna roll.

I want you to go find a nice shitty
town to open your shitty Sushi place.

Why don't you please
just speak English,

maybe I can understand you.

Get out or I call police.

Come on, kid.

You don't want to eat
this Shitty Sushi.

It give you worms.

Better than Shitty Kung Pao
Chicken made from cat.

Hello.

Sir, does this mailman belong to you?

That's my son.

Is there a problem, officer?

There's been an Asian turf w*r, sir,

and your son appears
to have caused it.

What?

An Asian turf w*r.

Butters, you are grounded.

- But sir, I was just handing out coupons for--
- Don't talk back to me.

We'll send the bill for the
damages but in the meantime

please keep a closer eye
on your child, sir.

Go up to your room, now.

What's going on?

Butters started an Asian turf w*r.

Oh, for the love of Pete.

What is wrong with that boy?

I don't know, but it's clear
it isn't our parenting.

We're awesome.

He must have mental problems.

I think we better have
him checked out, Linda.

Well, Dr. Janus.

I'm afraid I have some bad news.

Your son is suffering from
multiple personality disorder.

What?

There are several distinct
personalities going on in there.

One is named Postman Butters.

And yet another is Fireman Butters.

And then there's even Inspector
Butters and a Professor Chaos.

Oh, my God.

From what I gather he seems to mostly
jump in and out of personalities

when he's outside playing.

Sometimes he's a cowboy and
other times he's an Indian.

And the two seem to
be in constant odds.

Oh, poor Butters.

Doctor, what can we do?

Should we ground him?

No, I don't think grounding him
would do much good at this point.

What your son needs now is lots
of tender loving medication.

Heavy medication.

A brand new Sushi place
has opened in South Park

adding to our booming Asian district.

With the addition of the
new Chinese restaurant,

towns people are officially naming this
whole Chinatown area little Tokyo.

What the f*ck?

You see what happened?

I told you not to come in here.

Now everyone in town think the Chinese and
the Japanese are the same f*cking thing.

I don't even know what
the f*ck you are saying.

Ah, you Japanese r*cist.

Steven, Steven, come quick.

It's Butters.

Look.

Honk, honk.

Breaker 19,

it's clean clear active flagtown.

Looks like we've got
ourselves a convoy.

Honk, honk.

Now he thinks he's a truck driver.

Oh God,
the medication isn't working.

It's okay, buddy.

You got a smoky on your tail but
Big Rig Butters is here to help.

Butters, Butters, Butters!

Oh, hey, dad.

You're back.

You're back.

He's back.

I love you, son.

I love you too, dad.

You're going to be okay, Butters.

You hear me?

You are going to be okay.

Get out.

I told you not to come in here.

Okay.

Just hold a minute.

Hold a minute. I come in peace.

I don't believe you.

Come on, look.

All this fighting,

it's just so sirry, you know,

Chinese and the Japanese have
been fighting for so rong,

it's ridicurous.

What we need is to have a tweety.

What is a tweety.

No, no, we need a tweety.

A tweety?

No, not tweety, a tweety.

Oh, you mean a tweety?

What the f*ck is a tweety?

No, no, a tweety.

A tweety?

Rook, rook,

all these r*cist people think that the Chinese
and the Japanese are the same, right?

So you and me,

we put on a big assembry for
all the kids at the school

and everyone understand
the culture difference.

You know, so they know fried
rice isn't from Japan

and teriyaki isn't from China.

Teriyaki isn't from China?

No, teriyaki is not
from the f*cking China.

Anyway, I will do assembry with you.

Oh, rearry?

Oh, great.

Ok, I'll meet you tomorrow.

We can go over our prans.

And when you get to that assembry,

you're going to get big surprise,

you Japanese dog.

Butters, when you were playing
in the yard yesterday,

do you remember becoming
someone named Big Rig Butters?

Sure.

What makes Big Rig Butters comes out?

Did somebody hurt him?

Did he do something bad he
can't forgive himself for?

No, he's pretty much
just a truck driver.

You don't know.

But maybe somebody
else in there does.

Do you think it would be possible for
me to speak with Inspector Butters?

Sure.

I'm now speaking to the person
known as Inspector Butters.

Inspector Butters is on the case.

This is fun.

Inspector Butters,

what do you want?

To solve mysteries.

And is there someone
else living with you,

someone named Professor Chaos?

Oh, well, sure.

He's the leader of
destruction and evil.

He's a bad man.

He doesn't like Butters, does he?

Does Professor chaos
want to m*rder Butters?

What? Why would I do that?

Who am I speaking to now?

Me, Butters.

Ah, Butters, you're back.

Sir, I'm confused.

I know you are.

This is going to sound scary, pal,

but you have people
living inside your head.

And some of them want to m*rder you.

Really?

Yeah yes,
I'm afraid you're a little sick.

But it's okay because together
we're going to get you well.

Don't listen to Dr. Janus.

He's a mean old man and
a big silly grownup.

Pardon me?

He's just a big old stick in the
mud who doesn't like to play.

Donned mind him, Butters.

Billy is a pretty messed up kid.

He was molested by his Uncle.

Dr. Janus isn't going
to be alive for long.

I'm going to k*ll him.

Now, what are the things that
make you happy, Butters?

What's the matter, Butters,

are you still with us?

Is one of your other personalities
trying to take over?

Let's play battleship.

All hands on the poop deck.

Your soul will bleed for eternity.

You don't even know what
sex is Mr. Harrison.

That big bad freshness
lasts right through it.

The horned toad says we
should go to Mexico.

What are you feeling, Butters?

Are you nervous about your condition?

Yes!

This is Butters.

It's Wednesday night at 9:00 P.M.

From what I understand,

there are people living inside my
head and they want to k*ll me.

It must be true because now
every night I wet the bed.

So tonight,

I'm going to leave the camera on to see
what exactly I become while I'm sleeping.

Oh, man, this is freaky,

like that movie "Paranormal."

So good night for now.

Good night, Butters.

Good night, Butters.

All right.
I guess I'm going to fast forward.

Ah. Dr. Janus?

Mom, dad, I wet the bed again!

Oh sweet Jesus.

Okay, kids, today we
have a special assembly.

M'kay.

We're going to learn about the
diversity of Asian people.

Please welcome Mr. Lu Kim and Mr.
Julychee Takiyama.

Hey, Mr. Takiyama,

did you know that China and Japan
are actually a different country?

Oh, rearry?

Hey, that's right

if you look at map,

you can see.

This whole thing is China and Japan is this
really little bitty country over here.

And that's why the Japanese
always try and take over China.

What?

The Japanese want to k*ll people.

The only thing Japanese love
more than k*lling people

is k*lling themselves.

su1c1de rate in Japan? Sky-high.

f*ck you.

Oh, no,

I'm a Japanese and I had a bad day,

I think I've got to k*ll myself.

Oh, hello Butters.

I wasn't expecting you until 5.30.

Yeah. Dr. Janus, I wanted
to give you something.

You remember how you told
me if I got myself a video

it might help me with my problem?

Yes, did you catch something?

Yeah, I saw you pissing in my face.

Oh, so you're on to me, huh?

You little sh*t?

Huh?

What Inspector Butters
figure out I set him up?

No, I just thought it was one of
your other personalities trying--

come on, you think multiple
personality disorder is real?

I've been using that to scam
this town for seven years.

Now I've got to get out
of here because of you.

I'm getting one last
heist before I go

and you're going to help me.

Get in there,

move it assh*le.

This is illegal.

We could get arrested.

Oh, Jesus.

They're all idiots.

The vault, get to the vault.

Come on, go.

Move it!

Get this on and get in that vault.

That's where the real goods are.

Push that door, you hear me?

I'll k*ll your parents!

I'll k*ll your friends!

I said get that f*cking door open.

I'm trying, sir.

Butters, Butters,
what are you doing?

What is that, a blowtorch?

Put that down.

You're having another episode.

What?

Butters, your name is Butters.

Try and remember.

- But you said to-- you told me to--
- Oh, boy.

You have really done it this time.

I know it's not your
fault but I'm sorry,

I'm going to have to alert
the authorities now.

You have to try to understand that he
can't help what he's doing, officer.

He probably has no
memory of it at all.

Well, at least everything
is accounted for.

Thank God you came when you did,
Dr. Janus.

Breaking into a store, Butters?

What are you?

Well, I suppose there's no need
for jail, Mr. and Mrs. Stotch,

as long as you ground your son?

Oh, we'll ground the sh*t
out of him, detective.

Thank you so much.

Harro.

You get the f*ck out of my place.

Okay, hold on, hold on, prease.

I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry.

I admit it,
I f*cked you at the assembly.

How about you and me together
doing Asian diversity festival.

Get the f*ck out
before I call police!

Please, I'm an idiot, ok?

I f*cked you at assembry.


There no way around it.

It was very sneaky.

Kind of like pearl harbor, okay?

That was sneaky too, huh?

Pearl harbor can sneak

I think we can all
be sneaky sometimes.

But that sneaky Chinese man,
he's gone.

Okay?

Okay, if we can have
Asian diversity festival

then we no longer have to
deal with r*cist stereotypes.

Prease!

Against my better judgment,

I will trust you one more time.

But this time you better not
rub your hands together

when you turn around to walk away.

Okay.

See you tomorrow.

And at that Asian diversity day
you're going to get a little surprise

you Japanese dog.

That does it.

You hear me?

I am through with all of you.

No more Postman Butters,

no more Inspector Butters,

no more p*rn Star Butters,

no more Professor Chaos,

and no more--

Ahhh.

Butters, please.

It's me, Billy.

You got to help!

Please, Butters,

I've tried to tell ol'
Dr. Janus that we're in danger

but Dr. Janus doesn't
realize there's a problem.

The mean man that lives in our head
is trying to take over for good.

- Um, excuse me--
- No, no, no, no.

Don't call out for help.

He's got a g*n.

If you draw any
attention he'll k*ll us.

Please, Billy, I'm just a kid too.

I can't help you.

No, you can't but you
know somebody who can.

Inspector Butters.

What?

You've got to become
Inspector Butters again

and help me find out
what the mean man wants.

No.

You told me not to
play Inspector Butters.

You don't understand.

For some reason the mean
man is getting stronger.

You have to help me find
out how to stop him.

Please!

Tom, I'm standing in the heart
of South Park's little Tokyo

where the multitude of our town's
Chinese are putting on a festival.

Both of them have gone all out
to celebrate Asian culture.

The owner of Shitty Wok

has actually paid for what
he calls a tower of peace

to symbolize harmony between
the two restaurants.

Mr. Takiyama,
a note for you.

Konichiwa,
my fine Japanese friend.

It's so great that Chinese and a
Japanese are finally getting arong.

We should take a picture together
on top of the tower of peace.

I'm up there waiting for you now.

Please, come meet me on top
of the tower of peace.

It will be rearry nice.

Yes, and when you get to
the top of that tower,

you're going to get
a rittle surprise,

you Japanese-- oh, sorry.

Anyway, see you on top of tower.

Dr. Janus sure has a big house,
doesn't he?

He's planning on hurting people,

I just know it.

It's okay, Billy.

We're going to get to
the bottom of this.

This is kind of fun.

You're Inspector Butters and I'm
your faithful assistant Dr. Watson.

All right, Watson.

Well, let's find out what we
need to and get out of here.

Yeah.

Butters, what are you
doing in my house?

Huh?

Oh, dear.

It's okay, Butters.

You just think you're
Inspector Butters right now.

Oh, man.

Come on, let's get you home.

Where are you going, Butters.

Come on.

You aren't leaving here, Inspector.

None of you are.

Butters, come on.

Try and come back to us.

You can't run forever.

Excuse me,
did someone order a pizza?

Yes, that was me but I'm a
little busy at the moment.

I'll be right back.

You'll never turn me in,
Inspector Butters.

You're dead.

They wanna take over my Shitty Wok.

Hory crap, what time is it?

Oh, no, I'm rate.

What took you so long?

Yes, I'm afraid my tower of peace
was a little bit of trickery,

Mr. Japanese dog.

I'm gonna put an end to you

and everyone gonna think

it's because you did what
Japanese people rove doing most.

No, don't do it.

Don't k*ll yourself, prease.

f*ck you!

I'm not trying to k*ll myself.

No, don't do it, prease.

So much to rive for.

This is South Park police.

Porice, how?

We know the truth, Dr. Janus.

The Chinese are trying to k*ll me.

He's not Chinese.

He's white.

What the f*cking
you're talking about?

Your name is Dr. Janus.

You people crazy.

Listen to them, it's true.

Truth hurts, doesn't it, Janus.

Who are you people?

Why are you all here?

How could I let myself berieve
a white man was a Chinese?

I have brought shame upon myself.

No, this is racial stereotype.

So you're telling us

that Dr. Janus has been the owner
of City Wok all this time?

That's right.

Of all his multiple personalities

the strongest was Lu Kim

and we never would have known

if it hadn't been for
Inspector Butters.

Thanks.

I'm just glad the whole
thing is over and done.

Maybe now poor ole Dr. Janus can
finally get the help he needs.

Yes, Butters, thanks to you maybe Dr.
Janus can get back to his real self.

Yes, I'm sure he could.

But then again, does the world
really need another therapist?

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, would it
really be so bad for us

to just let him go on
thinking he's Lu Kim forever,

now that City Sushi is gone,

City Wok is the only Chinese
restaurant left in town.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Let's just let him keep
believing he's a Chinese man.

Done.

All right.

Yeah.

All right.

Detective, he's asking for a blanket.

Is that all right?

Go ahead.

We're going to process him and
get him back to the restaurant.

Thank you.

Ooh, I hate a Japanese people.

They try to shut down my Shitty Wok.

But they never will.

They probably are watching me.

The Japanese.

Ret them.

I'm not even gonna swat that fry.

They'll see.

And they'll say wow,

that a Shitty Wok owner,

why,

he wouldn't even harm a fry.
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