I'm goin'
down to South Park
Gonna have myself a time
- Friendly faces everywhere
Humble folks
without temptation
I'm goin'
down to South Park
Gonna leave my woes behind
- Ample parking day or night
People spouting,
"Howdy neighbor"
Headin' on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind
Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine
- Hey, everyone, excuse me.
Everybody, can I just have
a second of your time, please?
Everyone listen up.
Listen, everybody, I, uh-
I owe Kyle a big apology,
and I-I want to do it
in front of everyone,
because I was wrong, Kyle.
- About what?
- I'm afraid that Kyle and I got
into a little disagreement
yesterday.
Yeah, yeah, it was pretty nasty.
And, um, I was totally wrong,
and you were right, Kyle.
I thought only humans
could be gingers.
Davin here?
Davin Miller?
Oh, yeah, there you are.
I owe you an apology too, Davin.
When Kyle said that
humans weren't the only species
that could have light skin
and freckles,
I totally laughed in his face.
But it turns out
Kyle was right.
There are other animals
that can be ginger as well.
I didn't believe it.
I guess I didn't want
to believe it.
But this morning I saw
a red-haired, light-skinned cow,
and I owe you, Kyle, and you,
Davin, my sincerest apologies.
Where did you find
a red-haired cow?
Oh, would you guys
like see it?
There,
there it is right there, see?
A red-headed cow.
Whoa!
Look at it!
- You were right, Kyle.
A ginger cow.
I shall never question
your keen intellect again.
Wow.
That's pretty trippy.
Yeah. Yeah, be sure
to get some pictures of it.
I'm pretty sure this occurs
only rarely in nature.
All right, Cartman,
joke's over.
What-what joke?
This is real.
Tell everyone you made the cow
look like that.
No, no, you were right, Kyle.
I was wrong!
Boy, Eric,
I sure do admire your courage
to admit when you've made
a mistake.
Thank you, Butters!
I got to go show this
to my mom.
Let's go get
the kindergarteners.
They're gonna want
to see this too.
Yeah, be sure to show
everyone, guys.
It's really amazing.
Ah, too good,
too, too good.
Even the dumbest lie
can have big consequences.
- Yes, you're right, Kyle.
I'm sure that that
is going to have
Earth-shattering consequences.
- Your attention, please.
Will Kyle Broflovski report
to the principals office?
- Huh?
- Kyle Broflovski
to the principal's office,
please, mkay?
Ha ha!
What'd you do, Kyle?
- Nothing.
- Busted!
- Thanks for coming, Kyle.
- What's going on?
Kyle, these men have
apparently come
all the way from Israel
to speak with me,
but we need a translator.
- I don't speak Hebrew.
Kyle, please try your best.
It seems pretty important.
This boy, mkay, is Jew.
Mkay? Jew like you.
Okay?
Please...
please try...
speak to Jew.
We're just trying to tell them
that we come
on very urgent business.
- Anything?
He said they come
on urgent business.
- Oh, what do they need?
Look, we believe
that this school has something
which is of the utmost
importance to our people.
We wish to see the red cow.
The red-Oh, come on, you
can't possibly be here for that.
For what?
What did he say, Kyle?
- Please, you must understand.
The fate of the world
is at stake.
The coming of a red heifer
is the most holy sign
in all of Judaism.
It signals the beginning
of the end.
It is not just our religion,
but Islam and Christianity
as well.
They all agree on one thing-
that the red heifer
means the end of times.
- You catch any of that, Kyle?
- It's right over here by the-
- Oh, my holy schmear!
The Muslims,
they b*at us here.
- What's going on, Kyle?
He said the Muslims
b*at them here.
God damn it!
Step away.
You all know what this means.
Yes. And you know
you're about to die.
Hold on, everybody.
This thing isn't even-
- Don't touch it!
Well, I just ran to the school
and told everyone,
"Hey, there's
a red-headed cow outside.
You should all see it."
- Cartman, stop!
You don't know
what you're doing.
I'm pretty sure that this cow
could make ginger cheese,
which is like a Swiss cheese,
except instead of holes,
it has freckles.
No!
The Muslims and the Christians
are calling for a meeting
to discuss the terms of w*r.
- Very well.
Let us meet to discuss how
the world as we know it ends.
All right, so far, we agree
there'll be no a*t*matic r*fles,
no shanks,
and no chemical weapons.
If there can be
no chemical weapons,
then the Christians can use
no nuclear weapons.
Oh, come on,
without nuclear weapons,
what kind of final Armageddon
is this gonna be?
- Yeah!
- That's right!
- Oh, couldn't we agree
on non-ballistic
nuclear weapons only?
- Yeah, I suppose that's fine.
- That makes sense.
Non-ballistic nuclear only.
All right.
Now, on to prisoners...
Are we all agreeing
to decapitations?
Of course we are!
What do you think this is?
- Yeah, come on!
- Come on!
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute!
Has anyone noticed something?
We are all
in a room together, talking.
Has it occurred to anyone else
that this prophecy,
which amazingly
is in all three religions,
could actually be meant
to bring us together?
The prophecy says
the red heifer signals the end.
Could it mean the end of w*r?
If the cow is sacrificed
in Israel,
according to the prophecy,
then perhaps
it could bring about peace.
After all the years
of holy wars and hatred,
a possibility for peace
in the Middle East.
In the past 48 hours,
Jews, Muslims, and Christians
have met in Israel
to sort out their differences.
It may be a rocky road,
but many say the chance
for peace is real
and all because of a red cow
discovered by a young boy
here in the U.S.
We'll be back with more
on these amazing developments
after this.
- Hey, Kyle, you got a minute?
- Yeah.
I've got to tell you
something, Kyle.
The red-headed cow...
isn't real.
I made him up.
- No sh*t.
- I totally lied, Kyle.
And when you asked me
if I'd lied,
I looked you right in the eye,
and I said no.
I owe you an apology,
and I mean it.
Well, I-it's okay.
There's no denying
it all worked out
for the best this time.
No! No, Kyle, you said
that it's never for the best.
Remember that?
And you're right.
You're right, Kyle!
- Oh, no. No, no.
Cartman, don't you do this.
The Middle East
is finally at peace.
But it's not true.
Kyle, I'm being serious.
I really think
I have to tell the truth.
I don't know
how I can live with this.
I don't think I can unless...
unless, I don't know,
maybe you called
your mom a fat skank.
Maybe if you said that
to your mom
and told her that her tits
belonged in a morgue,
then maybe somehow
I could live with this lie.
- Dude, go to hell.
You're right.
You're right, Kyle.
I should just tell the truth
and be done with it.
- Wait.
Mom.
- Hi, bubie.
Mom, there's something
I need to tell you.
- What is it, Kyle?
- You're a fat skank, Mom.
Kyle, oh, my gosh!
What did you just say?
You're a fat skank, Mom, and
your tits belong in a morgue.
- Oh, my God.
Ms. Broflovski, are you okay?
Does he always talk to you
like that?
- Yeah, come on over here.
I got some more stuff
in my locker, Kyle.
How come you're carrying
Cartman's stuff?
- I just thought it'd be nice.
Kyle's doing all kinds
of things for me.
He finished my homework, gave me
the soda from his lunch.
I think he's just really
stoked on me
for helping bring peace
to the Middle East.
Right, Kyle?
- Yes, sir.
Oh, it looks like
most everyone's here.
Uh, wasn't there something
you wanted to say, Kyle?
Remember, about the...?
- Yes.
I love Cartman's farts.
- You what?
Yummy, yummy, yummy, I want
Cartman's farts in my tummy.
Dude, what the hell
are you talking about?
Yummy, yummy, yummy,
can I please have
Cartman's farts in my tummy?
Okay, okay!
Jesus.
Lay down on your back, Kyle.
- Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy...
- Let's see what I can
muster up here.
- Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy-
- Let's see. Oh...oh!
Yummy, yummy.
Thank you, Cartman.
- What...the f*ck?
- Come on in.
Mr. Mackey,
can I talk to you?
Sure, Kyle.
What's the matter?
If you knew something
but couldn't tell anyone,
what-what would you do?
Well, Kyle living with a lie
is never a good thing, mkay?
C-Could you maybe just tell me?
Okay.
Okay.
I love having Cartman's farts
in my tummy.
I love it.
I love it so, so much.
Well, why do you like
his farts in your tummy?
- Because they taste so yummy.
Well, Kyle,
that's kind of odd.
Uh, not sure how to help you
with that.
Mr. Mackey, could I-
Oh, uh, hey, sorry.
Am I interrupting?
Not if you have
some delicious farts for me.
- Kyle, are you sure?
- Please.
- All right.
- Yummy, yummy-
- M...kay.
- Today begins the new Israel.
Today we are all united as one.
Chakam balada.
All:
Chakam balada.
Chakam balada!
- Now let us celebrate
under one symbol.
J"J"
- No way, no way!
- Epic!
- Hello, Israel!
I heard the news, baby
All about your disease
The party is officially
under way.
Jews, Christians, and Muslims
have united,
ushering in ten years
of Van Halen.
Out in the crowd, people are
celebrating like never before.
- ...to the core
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
No doubt Israel
is the happiest,
rockingest place to be.
- Hey, Kyle.
- Hey
Kyle, there's peace
in the Middle East.
They're saying maybe
it's going to lead to peace
all over the world.
Everyone's really happy.
You should be too.
I am happy, Stan.
I'm thrilled.
Dude, we've been friends
a long time.
Can you just tell me why you
like Cartman's farts so much?
I just do, Stan.
You like how they smell,
how they taste?
- Yes.
- They're really that good?
- Yes.
- Should I try them?
- No!
Yummy, yummy.
Yummy, yummy...
This is Cartman.
I have to take it.
Hello?
Hey, I was just about to order
some dinner.
What sounds better in your
mouth tomorrow-Thai or Greek?
- I don't care.
- I care, Kyle.
You should have a say in this.
They're your yummy farts.
Should we go with Thai?
- That's fine.
Kyle, maybe you should
get some help.
Please, just leave it
alone, Stan.
Everything is as it has to be.
- I don't get it, Kenny.
Maybe he's, like,
mentally ill or something.
Well, whatever it is,
we got to figure it out.
I think all those farts are
starting to go to Kyle's head.
No more.
No more.
Cartman, no!
No more!
Kyle Broflovski.
Huh? Who...
Who is that?
Why do you endure
all the farts, Kyle?
L-because the world
is at peace.
I must endure.
- What you are doing
is the most awesome
thing ever.
- L...I know.
Who else would take
such torment?
That's-that's kind of
what I was thinking.
You should,
like, shave your head
and get all peaceful about it.
Your sacrifice saves the world.
- Yes.
I endure what I must
for the sake of all humanity.
- Whoa!
Oh, yeah A'
T-t-teacher,
stop that screamin'
Teacher, don't you see?
- What can this reporter say
except that Israel
freakin' rocks?
Things just keep getting
better here, Tom.
And in a few days,
they'll be honoring
the little boy who discovered
the red cow here onstage,
and things are gonna go off!
You gonna come with me
to Israel, Kyle?
Yes. Yes, I will.
Huh? You coming?
- Yes, whatever you want.
Okay, I want
the whole world to see
how much you love my farts.
Plane leaves tomorrow.
- Kyle, don't do this.
Don't eat Cartman's farts
in front of the whole world.
- Just stop, please.
It's okay.
Everyone, it's okay.
Perhaps one day
you will all understand.
What I do, I do because I care
about each and every one of you.
Well, now he just sounds
like a self-righteous assh*le.
- Hey, Kyle.
- Hello, Stan.
- Um, dude, we need to talk.
This has to stop.
There are greater things at
work than what you understand.
If you want to suck farts,
Kyle, that's fine. Go ahead.
But you can't suck farts
and be a d*ck about it.
I'm actually
the complete opposite.
All of a sudden,
you seem to think
you're above everyone else.
- I'm not better.
I'm just doing
what needs to be done
to make the world
a better place.
See?
You sound like a d*ck.
- I happen to be the one person
who's putting everyone else's
needs before their own.
d*ck.
That's a d*ck talking.
You've had too much
of Cartman's farts.
You got sulfur poisoning,
and now you're a d*ck.
- All you need to know
is I'm way awesomer
than you think, okay?
I don't think Kyle really
loves Cartman's farts.
There's something else
going on.
Really? Like what?
This all started
with stupid peace
in the Middle East, Kenny.
For some reason,
it's making Kyle crazy.
We've got to get
to the bottom of this.
And now let us honor
the little boy
who helped make
all his happen-
Eric Cartman
and his best friend, Fart Boy.
J"J"
- Thank you, everyone.
It's my honor to have been
a part of this miracle.
Isn't that right, Fart Boy?
Could I please have one
of your piping-hot farts
in my mouth?
- Are you sure, Fart Boy?
I've had a lot of strange food
on this trip.
Yummy, yummy.
I want your farts in my tummy.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry, everyone.
But apparently
there's some breaking news
in the United States.
We're in Colorado where
the red cow was discovered,
and apparently two boys
have shocking news
that might change everything.
Yes, there's something
that you all need to know,
the truth about the red cow.
We have all been-
Sorry. Hang on.
Hello?
- Dude, do not do this.
No, dude,
you don't understand.
Cartman hasn't been telling
the truth.
- Yes, I know that!
Why do you think I've been
putting up with his farts?
- Oh...
- Oh, what?
I know Cartman made it
all up, okay?
I also know that nothing
is more important for humanity
than peace in the Middle East.
I'm okay with this, Stan.
- Well, I'm not okay with it,
'cause it's turned you
into a d*ck, Kyle.
I'm not a d*ck!
I'm like Gandhi.
You know, I don't think
when Gandhi starved himself,
he was all, "Dude, look
how f*cking awesome I am
for starving.
Check me out!"
Okay, okay.
Stan, you're right.
Maybe I let being a martyr
go to my head.
Just please, let me
stay on this path,
and I'll try to be cool
about it.
Okay?
I'm sorry.
You should apologize
to Kenny too.
I'm sorry, Kenny.
That's okay, Kyle!
- What is the new information?
- The red cow...
I saw it too.
It came down from the sky
in a flash of light.
It was a miracle.
- Hooray!
- Oh, no, it was a miracle?
- Then it's not true.
The prophecy is not true.
Wait.
I thought we were all here
because of the prophecy
of a miraculous red cow.
No, the prophecy
is that one day a fat child
with a small penis would
decorate a cow to look ginger,
not that one would miraculously
just fall from the sky.
I knew this was
all too good to be true.
We are associating with these
heathens for no reason!
- Small penis?
- The party's over.
Muslims, Jews, and Christians
are back
at each other's throats,
and Israel is once again
a place of conflict and turmoil.
Please,
you have to listen to me!
The prophecy
actually did come true!
- No, it didn't.
- Yes, it did!
The prophecy was that
a fat boy with a small penis
would one day decorate a cow
to look ginger.
We should have known
a prophecy like this
was too impossible
to ever come to be.
But that is what happened.
It is!
Tell them, Cartman.
- No, Kyle, you were right.
I see now that little lies
can cause huge problems.
- But it's the truth!
- No, it's not, Kyle.
I have a huge d*ck.
Sorry, boys,
but we got to get to a fight.
There's a rumble
at the Wailing Wall.
- So it was all for nothing.
The whole time I was eating
farts for nothing.
- Cheer up, Kyle.
I'm sure this isn't the first
time someone
who thought they were
suffering for humanity
was actually just sucking farts.
Hey, how about we get
a little dessert,
help cheer you up?
17x06 - Ginger Cow
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The misadventures of four boys who live in the fictional town of South Park, Colorado.
The misadventures of four boys who live in the fictional town of South Park, Colorado.