19x10 - PC Principal Final Justice

Episode transcripts of the TV show, "South Park." Aired August 1997 to current.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise

The misadventures of four boys who live in the fictional town of South Park, Colorado.
Post Reply

19x10 - PC Principal Final Justice

Post by bunniefuu »

All right, listen up.

I don?t know about you,
but I?m tired of hate speech

that serves to marginalize others.

You know, if there?s one thing
that makes me sick,

it?s when a race thinks they?re superior
and can?t check their privilege.

An African American
flips a turtle over.

A transgender Filipino
sees the turtle baking in the sun.

What color?s the Filipino?s dad?

I didn?t think you were human.

Yeah, everybody?s
pretty freaked out over here, baby.

Everyone is on edge
and feeling really nervous.

That sounds terrible.
Be careful, Butters.

I will, honey.

Butters, get to the bathroom.
Now.

All right, Kyle, what?s this about?

Jimmy?s dead.

I know the whole story.

PC Principal k*lled him and tried
to k*ll Leslie, but she got away.

Are you serious?

PC Principal is part
of a huge network of radicals

who k*ll everyone
that doesn?t follow their PC ideology.

How do you know?

Because Leslie?s with me.
I?m keeping her safe.

Kyle?s got a girlfriend!

It gets worse.

Someone in our town
helped them come here.

That person faked the Bill Cosby joke
to get Principal Victoria fired.

Who would use a Cosby joke
to push their own agenda?

I think it?s obvious?
Stan?s dad.

Your dad is one of them.
He had to be the one that let them in!

You?re letting paranoia and suspicion
get the better of you.

There?s no way to know
who we can trust.

So, what do we do now?

There?s only one thing we can do.

We have to get g*ns.

??g*ns?
??It?s the only way for us to be safe.

Even if we thought
it could help protect us,

how are we all going
to get our hands on g*ns?

All right, cool. We got g*ns.
So, now what?

Now, we need
to steal a car and escape.

I already feel a lot safer!

You guys lay low
and watch your backs.

I?m gonna go keep Leslie protected.

Don?t fall too hard, partner.

Do I look sweet, Butters?

What?

What?

Can you pass the garlic bread?

Why wouldn?t I be able
to pass the garlic bread?

Where were you last night?

What? When? Where was I what?
Out. With friends. Doing things.

I?m full.
I?m gonna go work in the garage.

??Work on what?
??On stuff that do things.

I?m gonna take some of this with me.
I?m still hungry.

??You just said you were full.
??Jesus!

What am I, on trial or something?
God damn!

You guys are really acting strange.

All right. We?re good.
Nobody suspects a thing.

Take a look at this.

We?ve got everything
from PC Principal?s hard drive.

He was on to the gentrification
around the world,

and he was convinced

that whatever was responsible
wasn?t human.

Not human?
Then what?

I don?t care
if they?re aliens or vampires.

We need to round ?em up fast
and f*ck them till they?re dead.

You don?t want to f*ck a vampire.
You?II get hepatitis.

Oh, girlfriend,
I am well beyond that.

Oh, my God.
Don?t you see what this means?

If something not human
is gentrifying the entire world,

soon, no human
will be able to afford it.

They?re trying to price our species
out of existence.

How do you like my new apartment?

What happened to you?
I always thought you were a nice kid.

Now, you?ve got a g*n?

Everyone?s getting
one of these now, Jim.

Nobody knows who to trust.

g*ns are never the answer.

Don?t you kind of wish you?d had one

back when Leslie betrayed you
and nearly b*at you to death?

I guess it would have been
a decent answer then.

Touch?.

You see, I?ve got
expensive tastes, Jimmy.

I like good food,
organic pressed juices,

and I?ve got a thing
for high-class prostitutes.

Have you been introduced
to my current girlfriend?

My name is Classi with an I,?

and a little d*ck hanging off the C?
that bends around and f*ck the ?LL?

out of the A?...?SS?...?SS.?

Nice to meet you, Classi.

All I had to do was work for the ads,

and I got everything I wanted?

My own loft with all of ShiTpaTown
right at my doorstep.

All it took was some PC,
and the whole thing was set in motion.

Oh, great.

So, now ads are using PC
for their own gains?

That?s a new low.

What is PC but a verbal form
of gentrification?

Spruce everything up,
get rid of all the ugliness

in order to create
a false sense of paradise.

Only one thing can actually live
in that world? ads.

I know I?ve set it before,
but man, do I hate ads.

Eric Cartman, I told you
to go get ready for bed!

??I just want to finish this movie.
??No, Eric, this is a school night.

I?m into this movie.
I?m not going to bed right now. Chillax.

You most certainly are.
Right now, mister!

I will go to bed
when this movie is over.

Eric!
Where did you get that?

Turn off the light and go back to bed.
I?m staying up.

You march right up
to your room, and you?

I don?t think so.

??Eric, you get your butt to bed!
??No means no, Bill Cosby!

I told you to go upstairs right now!

What the hell?

I?m not going to tell you again.
It is time for night-night!

Mom, put down the g*n.

I am your mother,
and you will do what I tell you!

??OK, I am going!
??Well, then you go right now, mister!

I am going to bed, Mom!
Chillax.

All right, then! No comic books!
Just straight to sleep!

I love you, sweetie!

OK. I love you too, Mom.
Night-night.

He listened.

There has to be something?
Some clue as to what we?re dealing with.

The news stories PC Principal researched
are all so contradictory,

as if whatever these things are
have control over the news somehow.

That sounds like vampires to me.

We have to find out
who had me fired with the Cosby joke.

It?s the key to knowing
what we?re dealing with.

Principal Victoria?

Mr. Garrison?
Caitlyn Jenner?

??What the hell are you doing in here?
??Tell me what?s going on, Dad.

Nothing. We?re just hanging out,
talking about Coldplay, all right?

I want to know what the hell
is going on right now!

What are you doing with that?

Kyle said I couldn?t trust you.
What are you planning?

??Stan, it isn?t what you think.
??Then what is it?

Look, I need to show you something, OK?
You need to see this, son.

Psych!
Now, put the f*cking g*n down, bitch!

I?II go tell Mom!

You go tell her.
I?II tell you had a g*n.

You?II be in more trouble!

Stan, I am your dad.

Put the g*n down and sit over there.

??Mom!
??sh*t!

Took a lot to hunt you down,
PC Principal.

You mind telling me
why you?re going around the world

sh**ting up revitalized
arts and foods districts?

You wouldn?t believe me
if I told you.

Try me!

I don?t know what they are,

but they used me
to try and change the planet.

You don?t know what who are?

Sir, the President is on the phone.

Wants to talk to you
about PC Principal.

Yes, Mr. President.

I see, sir.
Yes, I understand.

We?re to release him immediately?
No questions asked.

And we?re not supposed
to believe anything he tells us.

Ain?t that a peach?

He?s being set free now, Mr. President.
Can I tell the commander why?

This is a matter
of national security.

I understand, sir.

Thank you.
God Bless you.

God Bless you, too, sir.

And may God bless
the United States of America.

??You OK?
??Yeah, just feeling butterflies,

and my hands are freezing.

Here.

Thank you, Kyle.

Don?t worry, Leslie.

I won?t let anything happen to you.

I?m warning you?
You?re on the wrong side of this.

We?re just trying to get answers.

??You pulled a g*n on our son!
??He pulled one on me first!

Because you wouldn?t talk to me!

Let your mother and I deal with this.

I told you to leave him alone!

God, I hate this family!

Why are you always taking
Stan?s side?

Put down the g*n, Shelly!

You?re always acting like
Stan can?t do anything wrong!

She doesn?t always take my side!

You shut up or I swear
to God I?II use this.

Shelly, put it down now.

You don?t even try to know me, Dad!

I want to, Shelly!
I just sometimes feel like you hate me!

I feel like you hate me, Randy!

I don?t hate you!
I love you!

I need to be a better husband,
a better father!

We all need to be
better to each other!

OK, maybe I need
to stop being so angry!

I love you guys.

We love you, too, Dad.

We just want to know
what?s going on with you.

All right, I?II tell you everything.

These things are amazing.

All right, Mrs. Farnickle, enjoy.

And remember? If the safety?s on,
you?re good as gone.

OK, and next customer, please.

Going for the big one, huh?

You must be feeling extra jumpy!

You don?t know the half of it.

Well, this thing should
make you feel more at ease.

??You ought to check out the g*n show.
??The g*n show?

Yeah, it?s gonna have everything,
and with g*ns being so popular,

practically everyone in town
is gonna be in attendance.

The entire town in one location?

Oh, my God.

The principal has become
our biggest problem.

We need a news headline
that will draw him back to town.

You?re going to sponsor
my content some more, baby?

I?m all ears.

I?ve got to get
to the Super School News.

Hey, Classi, do you think
you could get me my crutches?

I don?t think Nathan would like that.

You seem like a reasonable person.

Do you want a world controlled by ads?
I mean come on, Classy.

No, it?s Classi.
With an I.?

The little d*ck that hangs off the C?
f*ck the ?LL? out of the ass.

Cla-ass-i.

Sorry. My bad.

Look, I?m a news reporter, Claaassi,

and in a world
where ads control the news,

there?s no way to be sure
anyone?s ever hearing the truth.

Truth about what?

We can?t just hide, Kyle.

We have to let people know PC
is the enemy before it?s too late.

We don?t know who is on their side.
We have stay safe.

The principal is going to try
and make up some crazy story.

That?s what PC people do.

You have to get in front of everyone
and tell them what you?ve learned!

I gave up giving speeches.

But why?

I came to you because I had heard

how good you were
at getting messages across.

That and because?
I thought you were cute.

I?d have no problem giving a speech
if you could be by my side.

Well, I can?t go with you, you know.
It?s too dangerous.

Not if we go somewhere
completely safe from any v*olence.

??Where?
??The g*n show.

??g*n show?
??There?II be so many g*ns

that nothing bad can happen.

Someone purposely had
Principal Victoria replaced

with the new principal?

Yes, they wanted to use his PC

as a means to start
gentrification in our town.

That?s why we thought
PC Principal was behind it,

but now we know they were
just using his PC abilities

to service their own needs.

When the p*ssy crusher story
came out in Super School News,

it started to make
PC Principal question himself.

He started digging for answers.
They didn?t like that.

So, they tried to distract
and mislead him with this.

Sorry. That?s an ad
for McDonald?s. Hold on.

With this?

There?s that ad again.
God, these things are annoying.


Anyways, whatever these beings are,

they try to keep anyone
from knowing the truth from?

I don?t want to see a slide show.

PC Principal said something
was trying to divert

and distract
his subconscious mind with this.

Wait, that?s Leslie.

Oh, my God.
It?s Kyle.

Kyle?

Kyle?s been protecting Leslie.
They?re together.

He?s been making everyone feel paranoid
and saying you?re the enemy, Dad.

Well, then, it?s time to go ask Kyle
why he sold out his own kind.

How will we get him to talk?

We?re going
to k*ll him with kindness.

But instead of kindness,
we?re going to use g*ns.

Let?s go!

Shelly, take care of Grandpa!

Don?t sh**t Grandpa.
Just literally take care of him.

Buckle up, buckaroos!

Here it is, Jimmy,
hot off the presses.

What is that?

The newest edition
of Super School News,

hitting the streets tomorrow.

Tragedy at g*n Show.?

What happened at the g*n show?

Not what?s happened,
what?s going to happen.

The final sweeping
underneath the rug.

By this time tomorrow,

nobody will be asking
questions ever again.

The ads will have won,
and I will be the man.

I think the ads are playin? yo ass.

Shut up, Classi!

Oh, hell, no!

Oh, hell no, your Down syndrome
ass just slapped me.

I?mma break yo d*ck off!

Hang on, Classi.
I?m sorry.

I will bust yo f*cking ass!
I will bust yo f*cking nose!

I ain?t no mimsy-ass ho!

I?m a classy bitch, and I do not?

want ads? controlling my news!

Classi, thank you!

You need my help?
You gots it.

I need your phone
to call Officer Barbrady,

and we have to get
to that g*n show fast!

Quick, to the Classi-mobile!

Welcome back
to the South Park g*n Show.

We've had over 2,000 gorgeous g*ns
come through this arena today.

It?s been whittled down to seven,
the winners from each group.

David, take us down the line.

First, we have
the beautiful Yorkshire .33mm

with proud owner Stephen Stotch.

An absolutely gorgeous g*n, David.

The playful and lovely
Australian semi-a*t*matic,

owned by Father Maxi.

There?s the Mayor with her delightful
Rhodesian Ridgeback shotgun/r*fle mix.

That?s a favorite of the crowd here.
Always a favorite at these shows.

That?s a nice g*n right there.

The judge now asking to see
that Yorkshire .33mm up close.

Just a beautiful g*n in motion.
Everybody loves it.

The judge wants to take another look
at that shotgun/r*fle mix.

??And next up will be the?
??Nobody move!

Everyone just stay where you are!

And it looks like the g*n show
is under att*ck, David.

Six gunmen have entered the arena,

one of which is carrying
an absolutely gorgeous

little Pekingese Glock 17.

Listen to me, everyone!

There are beings
who are purposely gentrifying the Earth

so that humans
can no longer afford it.

We?ve been looking
for Kyle Broflovski.

Somebody?s hiding him.

Don?t listen to them!

The real conspiracy here
are the PC extremists

who have no problem k*lling
whoever doesn?t think like they do!

You son of a bitch, Stan.
How could you have sided with the enemy?

You?re the enemy.

You?ve both got it wrong.

Jimmy?

Officer Barbrady?

Classi?

Randy?

Kyle, I know you probably thought
Leslie was a kind, caring girl,

but the truth is she?s just an ad.

??An ad?
??They?ve become sentient!

They?ve taken human form.

You can?t tell what?s human
and what?s an ad anymore.

Oh, geez.
Are you serious?

How am I supposed
to f*ck an ad to death?

Flippin? ads.
They?re such a pain in the ass.

You told me Jimmy was dead.

So, now we know who got
Principal Victoria fired.

Nobody move, m?kay!

Everyone just stay where you are!

Mackey?

Yes, I wanted Principal Victoria fired,
but I didn?t want any of this!

You got me fired?
Why?

18 years of answering
to you? 18 years!

You always telling me what to do.

If you had problems with me,
why didn?t you just talk to me?

You never listened!
Nobody listens to me!

They just expect me
to listen to them!

Maybe we should have realized

that sometimes
a counselor needs counseling!

I don?t know. Maybe I got manipulated
by these ads, too, somehow,

but I should have been
a better person!

We all could be better people?
All of us!

We all played a part.

Maybe from now, on people in this town
need to communicate more!

Care about each other!

To defeat our enemies,
that?s what it?s gonna take?

all of us, together!

If only we?d had these before, huh?

Every time you block us,
we get smarter.

Every time you try to stop us,
we are more.

If one plan fails,
we will plan another.

You will never be rid of ads.

Hey, Leslie!

Your species took PC
and twisted it for evil purposes.

That pisses me off!

You?re expelled.

Yes, dude!

I guess there?s just
one last thing to take care of.

Why did it have to be like this?

Why couldn?t we try to live
on this planet together?

Maybe we?re not perfect beings,
but we built a better town!

We didn?t need you to do that!

And we?II keep on trying
to make it better!

Randy, you?re yelling
at a Whole Foods.

Go on!
Get out of here!

We know!

Others will know!

It isn?t going to be so easy,

not anymore.

All right, listen up.

I don?t know about you,
but I?m tired of all the hate speech

and microaggressions
against our species.

We have a new enemy out there?

An almost invisible foe
that is so bigoted, so racially biased,

they actually think
we should all die.

They are trying to attract our youth,

using tactics that are
underhanded and unfair.

But no matter how hard they hit us,

we cannot let them
take from us our PC.

And so, I have been asked
to stay on as your principal.

A lot of changes will happen
in the coming months.

The only thing that distinguishes
those who want to k*ll us

from those who don?t
is that we have the burning desire

for social justice.

We are at w*r,
but the only way to win this w*r

is to be as understanding,
non-biased,

and politically correct as possible.

This is gonna be really hard.
Post Reply