04x01 - It's Been, Part 1

[bunniefuu]

(BIRDS CHIRPING, DOG
BARKING IN DISTANCE)

(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

(SIGHS)

(CLICKING)

("WHAT YOU KNOW" BY ESTHER HOLT PLAYING)

♪ Darling ♪

♪ Darling, I've been told ♪

♪ Darling ♪

♪ Darling, you're so bold. ♪

(LIGHTER CLICKING)

(URINATING)

Hey, Jimmy!

♪ ♪

(ROOSTER CROWS)

♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪

♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪

♪ Gonna leave you anyway. ♪

(COWS MOOING IN DISTANCE)

Thanks.

♪ ♪

(DOORBELLS JINGLE)

How's that fence holding up?

Fine, Jimmy.

(ENGINE ROARING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(CHUCKLES)

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

AUTOMATED VOICE: At the
sound of the tone,

the time will be : and seconds.

(TONE BEEPS)

(BANGING)

Mmm-mmm.

Hey, Ringo.

What episode are we on?

JIMMY: Uh, .

(TV BEGINS PLAYING)

Hey, did your power go out last night?

Nope.

Mine did.

It's back on now.

Probably a loose hook-up.

RAE (OVER TV): So if
you think this stunt

is a little too dangerous,
then we can come up

- with something else.
- COLT: We'll stick to the script.

HOWIE: Yeah, Colt's right. The
only way we stand a chance

of making a buck on this picture
is if we come in on budget.

HARRY: The budget doesn't
matter; the world's waiting

to see my script.

HOWIE: Come on, Harry, do you really
think that the world is waiting

- to see a low-budget flick called...
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)

HOWIE AND HARRY: Death Car Hookers.

(HARRY LAUGHS)

g*dd*mn it.

- HOWIE: Come on.
- (RAE LAUGHS)

HARRY: I rewrote the car wash scene,
so we do it outside and we save...

Hey-ya, Burt.

Uh-huh.

We were just wondering if you
wanted to take a walk with us.

A walk to where?

Uh, just a little walk, for fun.

The gas station's selling
something called boba tea.

(LAUGHS)

(TV CHATTER RESUMES INDISTINCTLY)

(SIGHS)

g*dd*mn old people.

- (CHUCKLES)
- That Fall Guy.

♪ And you know, in your heart ♪

♪ There is no reason ♪

♪ He can no more change your mind ♪

♪ Than you can change a season ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ How long has it been ♪

♪ Since you said good-bye to him? ♪

♪ How long has it been? ♪

(MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE)

WOMAN: Hey, Jimmy.

Good set.

I've never heard a guy

do Meredith Brooks's "Bitch" before.

It was pretty cool.

Mm-hmm.

I read that book you recommended,

the Henning Mankell memoir.

It was really affecting.

Of course.

Yeah, I'll give you some more
recommendations, if you like.

Thanks.

Hey, do you want to go for
a drive, or something?

To where?

Nowhere, just... for fun.

I can't, but thank you.

(TOOLS WHIRRING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING, QUIET CHATTER)

(DOORBELLS JINGLE)

- Hey, Jimmy.
- Mm-hmm.

(HORN HONKING)

MAN: Slow down, Burt.

A Sport and a Pastime isn't in yet,

but we can e-mail you.

I don't have e-mail.

Oh, well, we have SMS now.

I don't have a cell phone.

I'll check back.

Ow.

I swear, that Fall Guy.

You know what we should do, Ringo?

- Hmm?
- When the weather gets a little warmer,

get one of those
projectors, watch Fall Guy

on the side of my
trailer, under the stars.

- Mm. Great idea.
- One more episode.

I want to see if Seavers is gonna land

that Jet Ski backflip.

Ooh, they have fluffer-grahams.

(CHATTER IN DISTANCE)

Hey-ya, Burt.

What is this?

GAIL: Oh, Clifford's kids are visiting

from New Hampshire.

- Say hi to Burt, family.
- (OTHERS GREET)

Hey.

Can I, uh, pour you a glass of Chablis?

Best boxed wine money can buy.

I guess.

MAN: Don't get too close
to the fire, there.

GAIL: I was just about

to play a song, I hope you don't mind.

Oh, God.

Oh, hush, you old grump.

♪ Oh, Danny boy ♪

♪ The pipes, the pipes ♪

♪ Are calling ♪

♪ From glen to glen ♪

♪ And down the mountainside ♪

♪ The summer's gone ♪

♪ And all the roses... ♪

Do you live here?

♪ Falling... ♪

Why are you asking?

This place is for old people.

- Is it?
- So why are you here?

- They had a vacancy. Go away.
- But this place is for old people.

- This is getting very repetitive.
- Does your grandma live here?

Oh, my God! My grandmother
doesn't live anywhere.

- He lives here.
- Why do you live here?

I'll tell you what, I...

The entire point of the United States

is the guarantee of autonomy

and personal liberty.

- What does that mean?
- It means

it's none of your g*dd*mn business

why he's living here.

- MAN: Hey, now.
- Burt.

You shut up.

Clifford, control your family.

- Burt.
- Ugh!

To hell with this.

I'll have some more.

Hey.

That's a much better name
than "fluffer-grahams."

(GLASS CLINKING)

BURT: g*dd*mn it.

(METAL CLATTERING)

Son of a...

Would you please shut up?

I lost my g*dd*mn keys!
They're not on the hook!

Oh. Well, then, by all means, wake me

from my erotic slumber.

Janis Joplin was just
about to go onstage.

I always put them on a g*dd*mn key hook.

But they're not there.

Son of a g*n, sh*t turd pile.

(DOORBELLS JINGLE, QUIET CHATTER)

We're on episode .

- Jesus, man, your memory.
- I don't want to watch.

What? Did more of your friends die?

You think you'd be used
to it by now. Come on.

It's a stupid show.

What is he, a stuntman
or a crime fighter?

Pick one. He's living a lie.

Fine. Well, let's go to the library

and pick something else out.

There's a, there's a little
show called Nash Bridges.

I don't have my g*dd*mn keys.

How can we go to the library
if my keys are missing?

What, and you think they'll
be in this box of old crap?

I don't know. I've looked everywhere.

g*dd*mn.

(CHUCKLES)

Me and Marty Szymanski.

We rode motorcycles across
Australia in the ' s.

A g*dd*mn wallaby made
me lay down going .

Fractured my tibia.

(CHUCKLES)

It was a great trip.

Right, library. I'll drive.

Fine, Ringo.

But BMWs are for lady travel agents.

I'll lie down in back so no one sees me.

JIMMY: House of Cards.

A-Team. Wonderfalls. Deadwood.

Takes place when you were a child.

Ugly Betty. The Profiler.

Yeah, you're right. The DVD
selection is pathetic here.

But what do you expect from
a town whose tax money

all goes to opioid treatment
and bark beetle eradication?

We could drive into town.

Why don't you just call a
locksmith to make you new keys?

I'm not gonna pay someone
g*dd*mn dollars

to make a new key for
my own g*dd*mn car.

That's exactly what

we don't need, more
garbage and confusion.

Everything in this
country is disposable!

Something goes wrong, throw it out!

Drive to Walmart. Buy a new one.

You can't. No keys. Burn.

Chinese can make you another,
three cents on the dollar.

Who cares if it's covered
in dog dust and toxic paint?

They're my keys, and I
need to have my keys!

g*dd*mn it!

L.A. Law.

Just get in.

No. That car is all I have.

What about you and Marty
whatever with the motorcycles?

Marty d*ed in .

No, I meant you have the photo.

Burt? Burt. Burt!

What are you...? B...

Lunatic.

Hello, Jimmy.

Yeah.

So, uh, how's Burt been
the last few days?

Appalling.

He's acting like a
little bitch, frankly.

He threw a tantrum and
ran into the woods.

He's probably dead in a gulley by now.

I was afraid of that.

This must be a big adjustment for him.

I know how much he loves that silly car.

There's anything you can do to help

keep his mind off it or cheer him up

a little bit... (CLEARS THROAT)

Listen.

Can I confide in you, Jimmy?

- Please don't.
- It's just that...

- Read the room, Gail.
- Even before you turned up,

Burt had already been...

well...

we concluded it was best if
he didn't drive anymore,

so I took his keys.

I hate to deceive him,

but he won't face reality.

There are certain things
I can't do anymore.

Bend down. Read without a
magnifying glass. Menstruate.

The point is you learn new things.

Like, I'm learning HTML
and glassblowing.

I made this jellyfish.

Anyway, I...

We just care about him a lot.

Thanks for keeping this between us.

("MEADOW HOPPING, TRAFFIC STOPPING, DEATH
SPLASH" BY CLARENCE CLARITY PLAYING)

(ELECTRONIC VOCALIZING)

♪ ♪

Gail. Eight out of ten.

Would bang.

♪ Oh, oh, and I'll make
you lap it up, up, up ♪

♪ Oh, oh, and I'll make
you lap it up, up, up ♪

♪ You got that
nothing-something v*olence ♪

♪ I could never know, but ♪

♪ You got my vengeance coming ♪

(ELECTRONIC VOCALIZING)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Yeehaw!

Slow down! Slow down,
Burt! Jesus Christ!

Nope.

BURT: Yeehaw!

(SHOUTING)

(CAR HORN HONKING)

Yeah.

(SIGHS)

That batty Gail, thinking
you wouldn't tell me.

I should have had her arrested.

I still might.

The one inalienable right we all have

is the right to be left alone.

It's sad, Jimmy, these people, my peers,

they used to be robust, ballsy, young.

Now they're these husks
huddled against what, death?

So petrified of life

that the minute they see
someone actually living,

they have to shut it down
so it doesn't remind them

they gave up years ago.

Right. Now we can
finally get back to it.

L.A. Law.

It's a bit dated, but there's a
satisfying Albee-esque bite,

if you can see past the
mullets and baggy suits.

Being without my car made me feel...

(CHUCKLES)

I felt old.

Like them.

So, I'm hitting the road.

- What?
- I used to live in Cape Coral.

I figure I'll drive down,
see how it's changed,

and visit some of my old
buddies from the Navy

down in the Keys, if any
of them are still alive.

I'm talking five, six
days to get down there,

just me and the open road.

Are you seriously leaving?

Don't cry, Ringo.

You can watch L.A. whatever without me.

The thing is...

yes, Gail has terrible
taste in lawn ornaments

and literature

and jogging attire, but
maybe she has a point?

You ran over my hibachi
three times, man.

No, I didn't.

What? Okay, well, yes,
you did, first of all.

That is disturbing that you deny it.

But listen, Burt, right, I'm not
gonna talk down to you, okay?

You are an adult.

My God, it's pathetic for anyone
to live in anything but the truth.

Okay? And your truth is, Burt,

you are no longer a driver.

I-I used to find it amusing.

Old man in a hot rod.

But Gail's right. You are dangerous.

No, I'm not.

And even if you make it to Florida,

you're gonna be alone.

I like being alone.

Burt, you have people
here who care about you.

Out there, zero.

Just... live in reality, man.

You're serious?

You've been hiding out

in a retirement community
where your only friend

is a -year-old who
can barely stand you.

It's been three months.

You ever wonder why I never
asked what you're hiding from?

Because it's none of
my g*dd*mn business!

But you might want to ask
yourself that question

before you try to interfere in my life.

You're only ?

Jesus Christ.

What were you? A Nepali Sherpa?

(LAUGHS) You look like
a boat dock came to life.

Remind me to moisturize next time.

(GROANS)

JIMMY: You're all witnesses!
You all saw that!

MAN: Come on, Burt.

Oh, thank you.

(CAR HORN HONKING)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(BLOWS)

♪ ♪

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

(PHONE VIBRATING AND CHIMING RAPIDLY)

(RAPID VIBRATING AND CHIMING CONTINUE)

(SIGHS)

Jimmy!

That bitch did it again!

Jimmy!

Jimmy!

♪ ♪

Jimmy?

_

_

_

_

♪ ♪

Hey, guys, slow down a little.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER SPEAKERS)

(PHONE RINGING)

MAN (ON SCREEN): God, I
hate these buildings.

Air conditioning goes
down, place smells like

the inside of a garbage disposal.

BOY (WHISPERING): This is so boring.

- I just want to go home.
- Look at their hair.

BOY (WHISPERING): This
was made in the ' s.

GIRL: Do you think I would know this?

(BOTH GROAN)

Shh.

("ARE YOU MY LOVE?" BY
KELLEY STOLTZ PLAYING)

♪ Are you my love? ♪

♪ Are you my love? ♪

♪ Are you the one that
I've been thinking of? ♪

♪ Are you my love? ♪

♪ I've been holding the door ♪

♪ I've been holding the door ♪

♪ Are you the one that
I've been waiting for? ♪

♪ I've been holding the door ♪

Everything bagel and cream
cheese, black coffee.

♪ Electricity rained ♪

♪ How my lips stung ♪

♪ From whispering your name ♪

♪ Tell me, baby, true. ♪

♪ Are you my love? ♪

♪ Are you my love? ♪

♪ Are you the one that
I've been thinking of? ♪

♪ Are you my love? ♪

Aw, hey, dog.

♪ I've been holding the door ♪

♪ Are you the one that
I've been waiting for? ♪

♪ I've been holding the door ♪

♪ Are you my love? ♪

♪ Are you my love? ♪ - Bup!

♪ Are you my love? ♪

♪ Are you the one that
I've been dreaming of? ♪

- (COUGHING)
- Jesus.

(À LA DOLORES O'RIORDAN):
♪ With their tanks ♪

♪ And their bombs, and their bombs ♪

♪ And their g*ns, in your head ♪

♪ In your head you're crying ♪

♪ In their head, in your head ♪

♪ Zombie, zombie ♪

♪ Zombie-ie-ie-ie. ♪

Linds, I discovered this
awesome radio station!

Jack FM... it is not your
father's rock station.

You see, Jack just plays
whatever he wants.

They have this great ' s block

I've gotten really into.

What a great decade for music.

We were so lucky!

(TOILET FLUSHES)

Anyway...

How was your day?

So good.

I love my job.

That's so great.

Watch me.

It's like having people
expect you to be somewhere

actually makes you want to go there.

Plus, I get money.

Awesome.

- Look, I put beads in my hair.
- Hmm.

You should use it at work.

"Teenage white girl on vacation"

is gonna be huge this year.

I'm finally contributing to society.

By being a stylist's assistant?

Helping make people less ugly?

It's God's work, Gretch.

This is the tits!

I'm playing with clothes
during the day, and then

I come home, and you're
here, and Paul isn't.

I love my new life.

Yeah, but... I don't know.

- What?
- I love it, too.

But... we're doing the
same thing every night.

You know, drinking, smoking weed.

I'm afraid we might be in a rut.

Okay, well, we can go out in the hood.

Get Korean barbecue, and then go to one

of those karaoke places where
they don't like white people.

I have a better idea.

Why don't we stay here and smoke cr*ck?

Where did you get cr*ck?

From one of the homeless people outside.

I didn't even have to
leave the apartment.

He just came to the window and asked

if I wanted to buy some
cr*ck, and I said yes!

Ten dollars for all that
cr*ck. Can you believe it?

Maybe smoking cr*ck isn't the best idea.

The guy who sold it to me
couldn't disagree more.

WOMAN: Lindsay, did you get
those swatches from Antwerp?

- Hello?
- Lindsay?

Can I see you in my office?

Lindsay, I wanted to...

- I smoked cr*ck.
- What?

Thank you for this opportunity.

I'm sorry I let you down.

Lindsay, sit.

You've been here on a trial basis

for over a month now.

Are you enjoying yourself?

So much.

It's the dream I didn't know I had.

I feel like I found a family here.

Plus, the free food is a nice perk.

We don't have free food.

Anyway, how would you like to come work

for me full-time?

What?! Yes!

I mean, I might be amenable to that.

Do you have a piece of paper
on which I should write

my opening salary offer?

(LAUGHS)

You're funny.

You have got a great eye,

and you're the most positive
person we've ever had.

I really value you, Lindsay.

Okay, well, you'll start
at a base of $ K,

plus commission on any new clients

you bring in.

Now that you're out of
your probationary period,

the real work begins.

You don't have to do any
more of those dummy chores.

Carl can do all that crap.

I want you to start
thinking like a designer.

Read these.

They're a good start for understanding

my style, philosophy and influences,

and probably the origins
of my body dysmorphia.

Why I eat ice for lunch.

(NERVOUS LAUGH)

Then come back tonight
at : , and we begin.

Tonight?

But... work is for day.

Honey, making people look good

is a -hour job.

We have to dress an actor for
Jaden Smith's retirement party.

Sorry.

Thanks, Priscilla.

(LINDSAY SIGHS)

Shove it up your ass, Carl.

Okay.

Hi. Hello. Hi. How was work?
I had a great day.

The Price Is Right had
Plinko, which they never do.

I made a chocolate mug cake.

Also, I started a really cool
dinosaur mural on your wall.

Anyway,

tonight I made a pitcher of greyhounds

with that bag of grapefruits
that you thought were limes.

Postmates is bringing us
Taco Bell as we speak.

I think I have a little cr*ck left.

(LAUGHS)

I can't hang out tonight.

I have to be back at work at : .

But work is for day.

That's what I said.

Oh, well, at least until then, we
can get down with our chalupas

and watch Fixer Upper.

We drink every time Joanna says,

"Shiplap!" That Chip can get it, huh?

He can get it all the way, I think.

Actually, I have a whole
bunch of reading to do.

Oh, ha-ha. "I should really

get started on those sit-ups

if I want to finish in
time to catch the news."

Actually, I really need to concentrate,

so maybe you could clear out
for, like, an hour or two?

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, no, it's just, um,

I'm not really going outside these days.

- What do you mean?
- I haven't left your apartment.

- Since when?
- Um...

three months, two days, give or take.

What?!

You mean you haven't even
left while I'm at work?

But the other day I came home for lunch

and jerked it for minutes.

I was hiding under the bed.

Oh.

Oh...

So, I take it you're
not going to therapy?

Wrong!

I Skype with that titty-sucking
bitch every week.

I am still taking my meds and

holding down my job, so she's happy.

Dummy.

Are you holding down your job?

I'm paying randos to take care

of my bullshit clients, and I
told the boys I'm in Europe

scouting new talent and

making connect... sh*t, sh*t!

I'm late for my Skype with them.

Oh.

Oh, bonjour.

Oh, you're in France now.

God, I love Paris.

Did you go to the Louvre?

Oh, no, it's closed.

They're cleaning the rugs.

Uh, where's Honey Nutz?

He couldn't make it.

He said he had a colonoscopy.

Isn't he young for that?

Well, he said it's never

too early to start, but come on,

we all know the truth, right?

Zachary craves any kind of human touch.

Anyway, bitch, what opportunities

have you gotten for us?

You've been gone forever.

I am laying important groundwork.

I'm talking you up to
all the music press,

the influential bloggers.

Uh, pardonnez-moi, uh, un ashtray,

s'il vous plaî.

Merci.

It's just that you've been gone

for a long time, and we
actually have press needs here.

I tweet-threatened
Connie Chung yesterday,

and not a peep, Gretchen, not one peep.

Guys, there is a surging hunger

for American hip-hop
in Europe right now.

You know, because of Brexit.

You can't deny that.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

- That makes sense.
- Anyway,

I'm going to Hot Mix . tonight.

They are playing you on their
Magnifique Mash-up Hour.

Make sure they play "Titty Tag."

- Or "p*ssy on Swoll."
- Mm-hmm.

Uh, voulez voulez.

Merci. (FORCED LAUGH)

Stupide. (CHUCKLES) I have to go.

- Ciao.
- Also, make sure you...

- Girl.
- Right?

No, I meant girl...

You have got to leave the apartment.

Sweetie, just go outside for an hour.

You're listening to poor-people radio.

You have the bush of an old Italian man.

You're doing cr*ck.

But isn't it kind of awesome, though,

that I came straight here after
Jimmy left me on that hill,

and haven't left?

Like, that is pretty much

straight baller when you think about it.

What if I run into him and then I die?

I'm trying to stalk him online,

but that idiot hasn't updated anything.

Have you figured out why he left yet?

Why he asked me to be his
wife and then drove away?

Best I can figure, he was
paid by one of my enemies.

It was just a long con to prank
me by someone who I did wrong.

Probably Jason Mraz
for when I called him

a fedora-wearing diarrhea.

Do you believe Edgar that
he hasn't heard from Jimmy?

Oh, no. Edgar is obviously
covering for him.

Really? That fink.

Well, no one lies to me.

Hey, do you know where
those Eskimo Pies are

that I put in the freezer?

Oh, I forgot to tell you,
the police came for them.

Weird.

Oh, well.

♪ ♪

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

Come in!

- Lindsay.
- What are you doing?

I'm just trying to come
up with some pitch ideas

for the show I'm working on,

Doug Loves Sketche.

It's about sketches. Doug loves 'em.

I know, I watched season one.

- I loved "Guido Baby."
- (GASPS)

"Guido Baby" was mine.

You could totally tell!

BOTH: "Wah!

Oh!"

Jimmy!

Jimmy, I'm coming down!

- What are you doing?
- I know he's here.

- He's really not.
- Please.

I could read people
like a deck of cards,

and you're holding the "Q" of clovers.

Give him up, chico! Where is he?

He's not here. He never came back, okay?

Do you know how hard that was for me?

At first, I drove
around looking for him,

from bar to bar, every night.

Showing photos, asking around.

I even started a hotline.

Tips came in, but they
never led anywhere.

Now I just...

keep a light on for him and...

I leave him messages
every once and awhile

- just to hear his voice.
- (MUSIC ENDS)

But life goes on. It must.

Ha!

That's too many details.

Look.

I redecorated.

Would I dare do that if
Jimmy was still here?

He'd k*ll you.

(WHISPERS): Exactly.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

So he just never came
home from proposing?

He just disappeared?

Maybe he moved back to England.

I don't know.

But he's gone.

WOMAN (ON TV): So you're sure

a handsome fellow like you

- doesn't have a girlfriend.
- (PHONE VIBRATES)

Yo.

LINDSAY: You won L.A.

- What?
- Jimmy never came home either.

Guess you guys are both pussies.

Gretch, he's gone.

He must've drove back to England.

Whoa.

Okay.

- Thanks.
- WOMAN (ON TV): I saw everything!

MAN: Since this is obviously over,

I'll just be (BLEEP) honest.

I was gonna bang that chick.

(EXHALES)

(SOFTLY): Okay.

(CAR HORN HONKS)

♪ ♪

(EXHALES)

(SIREN WAILING)

(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

So, what would you say your
most pressing style needs

- are right now?
- Trends.

I need to be told what the
trends are going to be.

Like... what are people wearing in Japan

next year? Hmm?

Also, been really feeling
poopy pants these days.

No autographs. Uh-uh. (SNAPS)

You need to go!

Hi!

You guys are out of
Goldfish, by the way.

- Can I help you?
- Um, sorry.

That's my...

Sorry.

(WHISPERS): What are you doing?

I tried to go outside,
but it's boring as sh*t.

It's just busses and old Asian
ladies with the wheelie carts.

When did sounds get so loud, yo?

Anyway, so I came here.

- What are you guys doing?
- Gretchen!

I need you to listen to me.

I cannot be your only person.

Why not?

Gretchen, this is
my place of business.

Go.

- But I don't want to go.
- Go.

Go. Go.

Go.

Sorry.
Mentally ill neighbor.

(CHUCKLES)

Thanks, Obama.

(BOTH LAUGH)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING FROM CAR STEREO)

(SIGHS)

(GASPS) Oh, good! You're done!

What are we gonna do now?

Have you been out here the whole time?!

Yeah, just like three hours.

- (SIGHS)
- You told me to wait outside.

I introduced this cabbie to Jack FM.

(SINGSONGY): He loves it!

(LAUGHS) Not that Jack would care.

That guy does not play
by society's rules.

I meant go outside into the world.

You are losing your sh*t

and moping about your
ex-boyfriend, but...

Not "ex," he's not my ex-boyfriend.

We're still technically engaged.

Are you g*dd*mn kidding me?

I don't know! Who knows?!

You don't know!

Do you know?

(SIGHS)

You are my best friend
in the entire world.

- We share a toothbrush.
- We do?

But you can't come home tonight.

I can go anywhere.

I know, let's go k*ll someone.

- Focus!
- Okay.

That's better. Babe,
this is for your own good.

I am only going to say this once:

Gretchen, it's been...

♪ One week since you looked at me ♪

♪ Cocked your head to the
side and said "I'm angry" ♪

♪ Five days since you laughed at me ♪

♪ You said, "Get back together,
come back and see me" ♪

♪ Three days since the living room ♪

♪ Realized it's all my fault,
but couldn't tell you ♪

♪ Yesterday you'd forgiven me ♪

♪ But it'll still be two
days till I say I'm sorry ♪

♪ Hold it now and watch me hoodwink ♪

♪ Make yourself think ♪

♪ Think you're looking at Aquaman ♪

♪ I summon fish to the dish, although ♪

♪ I like the Chalet
Swiss, I like the sushi ♪

♪ 'Cause it's never hits the
frying pan, hot like wasabi ♪

♪ When I bust rhymes ♪

♪ Big like LeAnn Rimes
'cause I'm all about value ♪

- ♪ Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits. ♪
- (SCREAMS)

I can't take it anymore!

- EDGAR: What's wrong?
- Well, I just got done

with a full day at work.

And then I had night work, and now

I have homework.

That's three kinds of work.

And Gretchen won't give me any space.

She Canada-rapped at me.

You and me, we have jobs now.

We are businesspeople.

(GULPS)

Edgar?

We're the serious ones now.

Oh, my God.

- I miss them.
- Me, too.

(AS JIMMY): My God, at least use

- a coaster, woman.
- (LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(AS GRETCHEN): But I'm
too busy looking at

awesome dogs on the Internet.

Right, that's it, I
can't take it anymore!

I'm going downstairs.

Well, I was gonna go down there anyway

to take a shower and not wash my legs.

Maybe I'll work on my
tree house blueprint.

Perhaps I'll add a wall.

Don't bug me in there,
I'm gonna be jerking it

to g*ngb*ng p*rn.

I'm going to drink alcohol in my bed

and read a very boring book.

No, pay attention to me.

I'm Gretchen. Play with my hair.

Rambling speech about
myself, pointed insult,

mock horror, extended
metaphor that gets off track,

and then I call myself out for it!

(CHUCKLING): Thirstiness,
nasal laugh, being gross.

Yet another reminder
that I'm mentally ill.

Thirstiness.

Play with me. Come on, I'm Gretchen.

- Kiss me!
- Stop bothering me!

- I'm bored.
- All right, fine, I'll kiss you.

- Jesus!
- Yeah.

- Well, do me already, dummy.
- Ah, fine.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

♪ Ooh... ♪

(BOTH MOANING SOFTLY)

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

Hi.

Is this seat taken?

Why, no.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(BOTH PANTING)

Listen, Edgar, that
was... really good sex.

Right? Like really good.

But just so you know, I'm really
committed to my job right now

and I don't want you to
get your feelings hurt.

(PANTING SOFTLY)

(EXHALES SLOWLY)

I am so glad you said that

because, as amazing as that was,

I feel, like, nothing for you.

I am all about my job right now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Oh. Good, then.

(BOTH LAUGH)

- Oh.
- So, wait,

we just had dope sex,

and don't feel the need to discuss it.

Ew. Not at all.

And we could, like, do this again

whenever we feel like it... or not...

And be fine either way.

I think so.

Me, too.

(LAUGHS)

- Cool.
- Cool.

- Cool. Cool.
- Cool.

Cool.

You know, I could go again.

(CLAPS) How about this? An
hour of sustained work,

and then round two.

- You are so smart.
- Pssh!

- (CHUCKLES)
- (SIGHS)

- All right.
- Phew!

- This is so great.
- (PAGE FLIPS)

After all that time with
annoying-ass Gretchen,

you're not even trying
to bother me while I...

- Shh...
- Sorry.

♪ ♪

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

♪ Living in a concrete jungle ♪

♪ Searching for something that I ♪

♪ Don't think I'll ever find ♪

Come here, you.

♪ Chisel the walls of the city ♪

♪ That blinds me ♪

Mmm.

There she is.

Oh, I missed you.

♪ To relate to ♪

(MOANS) Divine.

Shh. Shh.

Shh.

(PHONE CHIMES AND VIBRATES)

(TY MOANS SOFTLY)

♪ Take me home ♪

♪ I am ready for it ♪

♪ I know you can love ♪

♪ More than I can ♪

(TY MOANING)

♪ Take me home ♪