03x01 - Exiles

[bunniefuu]

(RAIN PATTERING)

(THUNDER RUMBLES IN DISTANCE)

(BREATH TREMBLING)

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

(SNIFFLES)

(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

♪ ♪

(EXHALES)

- ♪ ♪

- (EXHALES)

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

♪ ♪

BARISTA: Grande nonfat
latte for Monica.

Thanks. Uh, probably my last time.

- I'm moving to New York next week.
- Oh, my gosh,

we'll miss you.

(CHUCKLES): Bye.

("BEAUTIFUL LIFE"
BY ACE OF BASE PLAYING)

♪ It's a beautiful life ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ It's a beautiful life... ♪

INSTRUCTOR: All right.
Here we go. Okay, ready?

We'll start with our right foot. Good.

♪ It's a beautiful life... ♪

One more each side.
Really make it count.

- Come on, Monica.
- (WHOOPS)

(SIGHS)

LINDA: Where on God's green earth?

I was working out. Jesus, Linda.

Your discipline... you make me
feel like a slob.

Listen, can you do lunch in an hour?

- I'm in the middle of packing.
- Monica, I have good news.

I may have found a solution
to our problem.

- Really?
- Let's meet in the food court,

Pentagon City.

♪ ♪

(DOOR OPENS)

Subject's arrived.

Yeah.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Hi.

Thank you.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Miss Lewinsky, we're agents
with the Federal Bureau

of Investigation authorized
by the attorney general

to investigate crimes
committed in relation to

- the Paula Jones lawsuit.
- Linda?

FALLON: Miss Lewinski,
you're in serious trouble.

IRONS: And we just want to talk to you.

I-I can't talk to you
without my attorney.

IRONS: That's fine, but you should know

in that case, you may not be
able to help yourself.

Monica, they did the same thing to me.

This is for your own good.

IRONS: How about we speak
somewhere more quiet?

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

(DOORS SQUEAK CLOSED)

(BREATH TREMBLES)

♪ ♪

- (ELEVATOR DINGS)

(BEEPS)

(BEEPS)

♪ ♪

Miss Lewinsky. Good afternoon.

Monica, my name is Mike Emmick.

I'm with the office
of the independent counsel,

Kenneth Starr.

(DOOR CLOSING)

Can we get her out of the room, please?

- I mean, come on.
- No.

Make her stay and watch.

I want that treacherous bitch
to see what she's done to me.

♪ ♪

(ALARM CLOCK BEEPING)

(BEEPING STOPS)

TV NEWSMAN: ... money
that the Clintons invested, um,

in land with another couple,
James and Susan McDougal,

in .

The crux of it is, they had
this land deal together...

Allison, let's go.
We're going to be late.

(BLENDER WHIRRING)

♪ ♪

Morning.

Uh, staples.

- It has a paper clip.
- We use staples.

(PHONE RINGS)

Good morning.
White House Counsel's Office.

Yes, just one moment. I'll transfer you.

(PHONE RINGING)

BERNIE: My dinner tonight,
move it to : .

Yes, Bernie, will do.

Linda, can I ask you
to mail these for me?

- LINDA: Of course.
- _

BERNIE: Vince, are you seeing this?

We're actually getting
a day of good press.

- They love Ruth.
- Good pick.

Are you all right?

(CLICKS TONGUE)

We hit a home run
for the president today.

Stop worrying about the travel office.

Stop worrying about Whitewater.

- (WATER RUNNING)
- (LOCK CLICKS)

- Hello.
- Good morning.

(SCOFFS)

Let me tell you one thing,
Mrs. Bush would rather have

been catheterized than used
the communal ladies' room.

I'm serious.
What was she doing in there?

Probably what everyone does.

- (SCOFFS)
- You're so hard on them.

You only say that because
your husband's a donor.

Linda, her office is
on this floor where...

I have to stop you.
Listen to what you just said.

As though that's not
unbelievably disturbing

in itself... the first lady's
office in the West Wing.

Well, how else is she gonna get
close enough to Vince?

- Oh, no.
- A lot of people say it's true.

Now, I'm in a position to know that

Vince Foster is a man of integrity.

If you'll excuse me,
some of us have real jobs.

COULTER (ON TV): It's breathtaking.

- Your messages.
- Oh, thank you.

COULTER: ... saying what's
incompetence and what's deliberate...

Need anything else?

COULTER: We all know how liberals

over at The Washington Post
will spin it.

But I keep saying,
to anyone who will listen,

all roads lead to
Hillary Rodham Clinton.

- Every time. Every single scandal...
- Lunch?

... seems to have her
fingerprints all over it.

Of course.

(SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

There you go.

(CHUCKLES)

Thought maybe you could use a treat.

You're a kind person, Linda.

LINDA: Mr. Nussbaum
and his wife will be dining

with Estelle Parsons of TV's Roseanne.

So you'll have two VIPs at the table.

If you could...

Excellent. Thank you, Carlo.

It's always a pleasure working with you.

Well, I left some M&Ms on the tray.

For you.

Oh. Thank you.

I'll be back.

(ELEVATOR DINGS IN DISTANCE)

♪ ♪

(CAR APPROACHING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

♪ ♪

(BRAKES SQUEAK)

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

(EXHALES SHAKILY)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

(g*nsh*t)

(DROPS KEYS)

A lot of money earned by
our players in that first round.

Let's see if they can keep
it going in Double Jeopardy!

(ELECTRONIC BLIPPING ON TV)

Here we go...

- TV ANNOUNCER: CNN breaking news.
- REPORTER: Good evening.

- (MICROWAVE BEEPING)
- We've just gotten word

that a body found in
Fort Marcy Park is that

of Deputy White House Counsel
Vincent Foster.

Early reports indicating
that this appears

to have been a su1c1de.

It's a busy scene right now.

Investigators have been here
for about four hours.

Of course, details are extremely vague.

We'll update you as soon
as we get some new news.

NEWSMAN: Thanks, Chris.
Again, shocking news tonight,

with the apparent su1c1de
of Deputy White House Counsel

Vince Foster.

Foster joined the Clinton administration

just six months ago.

- He was most recently linked...
- LINDA: No.

... to the White House
travel office investigation.

♪ ♪

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Good morning, gentlemen.

Well, excuse me, but this is my office.

BERNIE: Yeah, she's okay.

Thank you, excuse me.

Linda, it's all just so awful.

Someone's going to want to talk to me.

- You should take the day off.
- Bernie,

I was the last one to see him alive.

- Of course.
- Excuse me, where are you taking that?

W-What is he doing with that?

- Linda.
- Excuse me.

- Sir?
- BERNIE: Linda!

Excuse me, I'm talking to you.

Who told you you could take that?

Bernie Nussbaum is
who told me to take this.

♪ ♪

_

(SHIP HORN BLOWS IN DISTANCE)

(SEAGULLS SCREECHING)

(STROLLER RATTLING)

(MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY NEARBY)

Yeah, I finally got him
to go down for a nap.

He's been fussin' all day.

Yeah, I got it.

Well, what do you think?
Steve sounded upset.

I don't even think he read it.

(KEYS JANGLE)

- I gotta go.
- (KEYS DROP)

(PHONE BEEPS)

You okay?

No, Paula, I'm not okay. Jesus.

I finally get an audition.

Finally start feeling good
about being here.

Well, this doesn't take away
your audition.

Feeling like I won't have to
spend my life at the airline...

God, how am I gonna go
into work with this

f*cking thing floating around?!

I never even heard
of that magazine before.

I bet nobody even read it.

Saying that my wife

went into a hotel room
with Bill Clinton.

And then afterwards,
you went and told his trooper

you wanted to be his girlfriend.

That is a lie and you know it.

You went up to the hotel room.
That part wasn't a lie.

How many times are we gonna
talk about this?

Everyone we know is gonna read this!

About my wife!

Hey. Hey.

We can fix this.

We just got to show 'em
what really happened.

How?

Deb knows a lawyer. He did her divorce.

(DOOR SLAMS)

So then, uh, what's the real story?

Well, I was working
the registration desk

for the Quality Management
conference in Little Rock.

Uh, Governor Clinton
came through the lobby

and one of his state troopers told me...

"The governor would like
to see you in his room".

So I said, "Gosh, okay". And...

I went up there. Then...

Um, we were alone. Me and Clinton.

And he said "hi" real friendly,

uh, started complimenting me.

Next thing I know, he's...

getting real close,
trying to kiss on me.

So I went and sat on a sofa
across the room, trying to...

show him I'm not interested.

But then...

He comes in, sits right by me and...

That's... that's when I saw...

Saw what?

He'd taken it out, his...

... uh, his business, right-right out,

right out in the air.

Um...

And then he asked me to kiss it.

What'd you do?

I said no; I'm not that kind of girl.

And he said "okay",
and I walked right out.

I'm from Lonoke.
My daddy was a preacher.

I am not going around to
Quality Management conferences

- giving out oral sex.
- Okay.

- Roger that.
- I am disgusted.

I am upset and I want an apology.

W-Well, now, the magazine
was clever about

- avoiding your last name.
- No,

I want an apology from him.

The president?

And we'd like a role on
Designing Women for Steve.

Yeah, I could be like a-a
love interest for Delta Burke.

You know? Maybe they could bring me back

if the chemistry is good.

I don't know if you saw
the film Mystery Train,

but Steve played the role of Elvis.

He's a very talented actor
and we know that

the Clintons are friends with
the couple that make that show.

Uh... o-okay.

I suppose, uh, legally speaking,

this is a, uh, women's
harassment scenario.

That's right.

So, can you help us?

I ain't tough enough to sue the
president of the United States.

I'm gonna be honest with y'all
about that, but...

maybe if we get some attention on you,

his people'll settle quick
to keep us quiet.

You all right with some attention?

♪ ♪

Bernie, this has ruined
his trip to the Ukraine.

It's the Ukraine... what's the
best thing that could happen?

Do you not see that we're paralyzed?

We can't pass a bill. We can't
even get a health care hearing.

BERNIE: Come on, George.

We have one way out of this

and you're telling him not to take it.

I know you have an impressive
months of experience here

in town, but, George,
I lived through Watergate.

Appointing an independent counsel

is not a way out of anything.

He did nothing wrong.
We appoint one and this is over

- in six months.
- BERNIE: No, we appoint one, and that person

is under enormous pressure
to come up with something.

Whitewater will just be the beginning.

They can't just...

They will not stop
until they find a crime.

Do you understand? They will not stop!

He appoints an independent counsel,

it destroys his presidency.

You hear that?

If they appoint an independent
counsel, I will have to testify.

You'll be okay.

Oh, Kathleen, I saw them moving files.

So just say that.

I'm in the eye of a hurricane.

What are you doing?

They told me to restock the pens.

Oh, God. Will you not just
ask the president

- for a real job?
- I don't know him that well.

- Oh... (SCOFFS)
- I'm just a donor's wife.

Oh, please. Every Monday
I have to hear about

how you talked to him
at some chichi fundraiser.

While I've been sitting
home alone, watching paint dry.

Well, we've discussed this.
You need to get back out there.

Yeah, me at a singles bar.
They'll be lining up.

- You're so hard on yourself.
- Well, I don't have time

with all the chaos here.

Bernie is a basket case,
I need a lawyer,

and you will not believe
the meeting I just agreed to.

What?

Well, someone told me that the best way

to protect myself is to write a book.

Really? How exciting.

It's strategic, Kathleen.

I'm not going to that. Uh-uh.
My client has a book party.

Besides, last time I was in
a room with Lady Bird Johnson,

she tried to push me
down a flight of stairs. Ha!

Did I say I didn't deserve it?
(CHUCKLES)

Oh, gotta go.

I think I see my : .

Ah.

So...

Was it m*rder?

Oh, no. I have no reason
to believe that.

But he was sleeping with Hillary.

Vince Foster was a faithful husband

who tragically committed su1c1de.

It was very sad.

Huh. You know, sad doesn't sell books.

I'm sorry, ma'am,
this is a nonsmoking section.

Oh, fantastic.

The whole earth is becoming
Berkeley, California.

So, what can you give me?

Well...

There's the president.

- Let me guess.
- (LINDA CHUCKLES)

There's this cute little blonde.

She was a stewardess
on his campaign plane

and it appears that someone deemed that

sufficient experience for a job
in the West Wing.

What's her name?

If you're doing this, dear,
you're doing it.

That means names.

- I can use a pseudonym.
- Linda.

I sold Kitty Kelley books, till
she went f*cking nuts on me.

Worst client I ever had,
but she was big.

Nancy Reagan, unauthorized;
Liz Taylor, unauthorized.

Everyone read those.
Point is, I do big books.

Some little anonymous something
that no one will care about?

That's not why I'm here.

What I Saw in the White House
by Linda Tripp.

That's why I'm here.

- Thank you.
- My job in the West Wing

is very important to me.

There's real money on the table.

I'd be fired.

I have two kids.

I'm talking six figures
if you strike now.

Think about it.

Though you should know, you're
not my only meeting today.

This week is CPAC.

There's a whole horde
of Clinton haters in town

and they've all got a book.

Bimbos, ex-troopers.

Half of Arkansas is here.

You might have noticed a certain
Kmart spirit in the air.

(BOTH LAUGH)

I live like I got
nothing to lose, Linda.

I recommend it.

I've never even heard of this CPAC.

Oh, it's big.

Each year they gather the best
conservative minds

in the country to opine on the issues.

_

(CHUCKLES)

♪ ♪

Baby, did you bring the credit card?

- Why?
- 'Cause we gotta buy all this sh*t.

_

My client, Paula Jones,
has come to Washington today

to share what really happened
on May , ,

when Bill Clinton
interrupted her workday

and invited her to a private room.

Today I can reveal that in that room,

the governor made
unwanted sexual advances,

each of which Mrs. Jones rebuffed.

Let me say,

she is not here today to
satisfy any prurient interests.

Out of respect for the first family

and for what Mrs. Jones
has been through,

she will not be getting
into any descriptions

of what happened in the room.

- What?
- Wait a minute.

- What?
- What are we here for?

DANNY: Now I open
the floor to questions.

REPORTER : What happened?

REPORTER : Did you have
anything to drink?

- DANNY: One at a time, please.
- (MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

REPORTER : Why did you
wait to come forward?

REPORTER :
Did you have anything to drink?

- (OTHERS CLAMORING)
- Did you have a good time with him?

What happened in that room? I mean,

that's what we're here for, right?

REPORTER : Was there touching?

- What did the governor do?
- Bill Clinton...

... presented himself to me in
a very unprofessional manner.

I would call it... sexual harassment.

Did he touch you?

I will leave that... I-I will
not speak on that.

Did he expose himself?

- I can't speak on that.
- Well, what can you tell us?

It is wrong that...

a woman can't not...

(CLEARS THROAT) a woman can't
work in the workplace,

be harassed, um...

by a figure that high.

REPORTER : You say workplace,

but you and the governor were in
a private hotel room, correct?

Why did you agree to go up there?

I just thought the governor
wants to see me.

That-That's an honor.

(LAUGHTER)

So you expected what?
A meeting on state affairs?

(LAUGHTER)

Well, I don't know,
but I-I know that he shouldn't

have brought me up there
for that and he needs

to apologize for-for what he did.

You still haven't said what he did.

He asked you to have sex with him, yes?

- A type of sex.
- Uh, what type?

Just so I understand,
we've all been called here

to this big press conference
about something

Bill Clinton did to her,

but she basically won't say
a single thing he did.

I-I appreciate your concern,
but as I said,

Paula is not going to be
giving a blow-by-blow.

- (LAUGHTER)
- Okay. Come on, now.

All right, all right, enough,
enough; I have a question.

This sexual act he wanted,

was it something that you could perform

without taking your clothes off?

- (LAUGHTER)
- We're not getting into that.

- Last few questions.
- REPORTER: Did he expose himself?

- Who paid your way here?
- Did you vote for him?

DANNY: One at a time.

I'll just be direct.

Did the governor ask you
to perform fellatio?

(QUIETLY): Um, what is fellatio?

(LAUGHTER)

- Okay, no more questions.
- Unbelievable.

- Hold on a second.
- (OTHERS CLAMORING)

REPORTER: Wow. Nothing.
Nothing. All right, then.

♪ ♪

("GIN AND JUICE" BY SNOOP DOGG PLAYING)

♪ With so much drama in the LBC ♪

♪ It's kind of hard being
Snoop D-O-double-G ♪

♪ But I, somehow... ♪

Excuse me. Thank you.

♪ Like every single day, may I... ♪

Kathleen?

Do you have lipstick?

♪ Make a few ends as I bre... ♪

Kathleen, what happened?

I did what you said.

- I asked Bill for a job.
- And?

And he kissed me.

What did you do?

It happened so fast. Suddenly his aide

was knocking on the door
we were up against.

- Kathleen.
- And then it-it stopped and I-I rushed out.

- Through the Oval?
- BERNIE: Linda.

I need to speak with you.

(DOOR CLOSES)

I'm handing in my resignation

and I wanted to let you know that.

What's going to happen to me?

I don't know.

- (DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
- (SIGHS)

PAULA: ... presented himself to me
in a very unprofessional manner.

I would call it... sexual harassment.

- Oh, dear.
- REPORTER: Did he touch you?

- (SCOFFS) The hair.
- (CHUCKLES)

I will not speak on that.

- REPORTER : Did he expose himself?
- I can't speak on that.

- Coulter, who sent you this?
- George Conway.

You think she could be the one?

- Certainly needs media training.
- Don't care about media.

Just need her to sue.

We want him under oath.

Why?

- PAULA: ... in the workplace...
- Because he's Bill Clinton.

He'll lie.

REPORTER: You say workplace,

but you and the governor
were in a private...

- Who is she working with?
- That guy.

PAULA: I just thought the
governor wants to see me.

Let's get her some real lawyers.

♪ ♪

Good news: we have direct relationships

with the president's lawyers.

We're going to get you your apology.

We can't tell you how much
we appreciate y'all

reaching out to take this over.

Happy to help.

Now, I have to tell you,

they may not want to do this
the easy way.

In that case, we should be ready
to go down a different path.

- What kind of path?
- Your sexual harassment claim

has a three-year statute of limitations.

That's this Friday,
which means you have about

hours left to sue the president.

Well, but I just want an apology.

I know. I think, to get one,

you might have to file a lawsuit.

We're not afraid of that.

Look, if they're smart, they'll settle.

Before we talk to them,
anything else we should know?

I think Paula has been
plenty open with us.

CAMMARATA: Oh, yeah, just-just
curious if there's anything else.

Like what?

I can draw it, his...

area.

(PAULA SIGHS)

(PEN SCRIBBLING)

(INHALES, GRUNTS SOFTLY)

(CLICKS TONGUE)

(STEVE EXHALES)

It takes a dramatic turn.

♪ ♪

(WHIRRING, GRINDING)

(WHIRRING STOPS)

I have an idea about my situation.

You want a job; I want to keep my job;

you have connections; I have
experience... so how about this?

You get us a meeting with the incoming

White House counsel and
I tell them to hire us both.

Package deal.

Oh. That's a neat idea.

(CHUCKLES)

(WHIRRING RESUMES)

My secretary Cheryl

tells me that you'd like to stay on

in the counsel's office
after we take over.

Is that correct?

I bet it's been wonderful

working for dear Bernie Nussbaum.

Mr. Cutler, first of all,
let me say thank you

for meeting with us.

Now, a little bit about me.

I'm a multi-decade veteran

of the civil service, having
worked at the highest levels

of the executive and m*llitary,
including a stint at Fort Bragg,

during which I had top secret
clearance working for a division

of the Army so classified,
it technically doesn't exist.

So Delta Force.

I can neither confirm nor deny.

- (CHUCKLES)
- But what I can say is this,

Kathleen and I will ensure
that the counsel's office

undergoes a seamless changeover
from Mr. Nussbaum to you.

Why is it you want to stay?

Well, we feel... we both feel
that we can be very helpful.

We possess institutional knowledge.

I was speaking to my former colleague

James Schaefer recently.

I'm sure you know James.

Well, under President Bush,
James was special assistant

to the deputy assistant
for Public Liaison,

working alongside
my dear friend Tony Snow,

with whom I imagine you are familiar.

Tony Snow from Rush Limbaugh?

James pointed out that
one of my strengths

is my high level of comfort
in the West Wing environment.

I can help you navigate
the, uh, complex,

difficult personalities
of this administration...

and fingers crossed... we'll have
a little less turbulence

under your leadership.

I don't know if you know Mr. Nussbaum,

but he's not always the most organized.

Bernie's a wonderful lawyer.

Oh, of course, absolutely.

I always thought he was so nice.

Kathleen would drop in
to our suite on occasion.

Oh, Lloyd, we should get back.
You have that call.

- Sorry to have to wrap up.
- Uh, not at all.

Is there anything else that
would be helpful to know?

We'll certainly do our best.

♪ ♪

That you'd made a drawing
of the president's genital area

certainly gave his lawyers pause.

CAMMARATA: Very helpful.

But ultimately, talking to them
even late into last night,

we can't come to terms.

So, Paula, we're down to
our last few hours.

You have a decision to make.

Is there anything in your past
you don't want coming out?

Anything at all? Because it will.

There's nothing.

(CLEARS THROAT SOFTLY)

Baby girl.

I love you.

I love you, too.

(SIGHS)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

I can't let him get away with it.

Today we filed a complaint with
the United States District Court

on behalf of Paula Corbin Jones,

charging William Clinton with
sexual harassment and violation

of her equal protection
and due process rights.

This case will be tried in the courtroom

and not in the media. Thank you.

You're two distinguished D.C.
lawyers... who connected you

to Paula Jones?

How did you end up here in Arkansas?

We took a plane.

What is your next step? What are
you expecting the president

- to say?
- Sir!

_

What is this? Where's Leslie?

You just missed her. She left early.

- Leslie.
- Oh.

- Linda, you scared me.
- What is this?

- It's a promotion.
- It's the Pentagon.

I've been in this system years.

Moving from the White House to
the Pentagon is not a promotion.

It's a $ , -a-year raise
and you'll be in Public Affairs.

You'll be putting this on hold
while I get to the bottom of it.

I need to speak to Lloyd Cutler again.

If this is about Kathleen,

she's just shifting from volunteer

to an entry-level position.

Kathleen?

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- What do you mean shifting?

Kathleen will be working
in counsel's office

under Lloyd Cutler.

In my job?!

Well, no, not your...

I mean, I'm being sent to Siberia.

It's about three miles away.

A-And Kathleen, who has
the secretarial experience

of a radish...

It's an entry-level position.

Leslie. You know
what I've always thought?

You're about as sharp as a marble,

so you go ahead and drive home.

I'm going up to the OEOB
to talk to your superior

because something very wrong
has happened here.

Linda, we tried to keep you.

We went out of our way.

We asked all around the White House.

No one wants you here.

♪ ♪

Can we talk?

(LAUGHS)

- Linda, please...
- You know, I was a good soldier.

When the election happened
and these people showed up

with their total lack
of respect for this institution

and their obvious contempt
for half the country.

Through everything... the sleaze,

the pizza parties on casual
Fridays... I bit my tongue

and did my job

as a civil servant
who was foolish enough

to believe that my sterling reputation

for professionalism
and integrity still mattered.

Linda, you have to know
that I feel awful.

I thought we were women
supporting each other.

I was trying to help you and
then I walked into that meeting

with my job and you walked out
with it right under my nose.

It wasn't up to me.

Oh, do me the favor of respecting

- my intelligence.
- Linda.

They can pay me a fraction
of what they pay you.

No one is auditing the White House

secretarial budget, Kathleen.

It's the federal government.
The stapler cost $ .

You know how I know that?
Because I paid my dues.

I'm not here because
I married a rich guy.

- Okay. Okay.
- Of course, that's not what got you my job, is it?

No, we all know why I'm being
fired and you get to stay.

- Linda...
- You got my job because

the president wants you around.

You know that and I know that.

In fact, the president knows
I know a lot.

The president has no idea who you are!

I will get you for this.

♪ ♪

(CAMERA CLICKING)

(WHIRRING)

_

Tripp. Linda.

Let me take you to your work station.

(PHONES RINGING)

Can I have a word?

As you know, I have been transferred

from a high-level position
in the West Wing.

I'll be blunt... I know
too much about Whitewater.

It's a near certainty
I'll be called to testify.

I need a private office
so I can prepare.

- Oh. I see.
- (CHUCKLES)

No.

(KEYS CLACKING)

Hello, Nancy.

It's Linda Tripp.

Allison's mom.

Listen, I'm not going to be able to do

that carpool switch, after all.

I'm contending with the new commute,

and it's an absolute debacle.

All right. Thank you so much.

Bye-bye now.

Please don't listen to my calls.
It's tremendously inappropriate.

_

(QUIET CHATTER)

_

(KEYS CLACKING)

WILLIE: Can I help you?

Pardon me, sorry; I'm looking
for Assistant Secretary Bacon.

You must be Monica.

- Hi, I'm Willie.
- Hi.

- Let me get you all set up.
- Thank you.

That's Mr. Bacon's office.
He'll be in soon.

Just got back from Bosnia last night.

- You can set up right here.
- Thank you so much.

I'm happy to get started
on anything Mr. Bacon needs.

Why don't you dig into these
SOP books while you're waiting.

Welcome to the Department of Defense.

(CASH REGISTER BEEPING)

CASHIER: Next in line.

(CASH REGISTER BEEPING)

(SNIFFS)

God, what is that smell?

(KEYS CLACKING)

Is anyone else smelling that?

They're doing electrical work, Linda.

(SIGHS)

(CRUNCHING)

(KEYS CLACKING)

(LINDA CHEWING)

(CRUNCHING)

I can hear you chewing.

This is how I chew.

(SIGHS)

(KEYS CLACKING)

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

What now, Linda?

There are fumes in my cubicle.

It's an insurmountable distraction.

Uh-huh.

Only till Harold's back Tuesday.

Send FSD to set up my computer.

(DIALING)

(LINE RINGING)

LUCIANNE: Office of Lucianne Goldberg.

Who, may I ask, is calling?

Uh, this is the civil servant.

From the White House Counsel's Office.

She'll know who it is.

Linda, it's me. (CHUCKLES)

My new secretary was a disaster.

I fired her an hour ago.

So, long time, no speak.

What could possibly be going on?

I'm ready to write the book.

About my time in the White House.

Dear, it brings me
no pleasure to say this,

but you missed the moment.

Everyone's done their Clinton book.

Every staffer, every aide,
every Appalachian broad

in whom he deposited
his genetic material.

That genre alone could fill
half a Barnes & Noble.

Well, no one's done anything
of any substance about Vince.

Vince? Vince Foster?
Linda, no one cares anymore.

I can sell almost anything,

but I can't sell stale
White House gossip;

that market's so saturated.

- I need something...
- Something current.

Not just current.

Current and inside.

And I mean inside inside.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong,

but that is not you at this point.

♪ ♪

Carl, this isn't right.

I need the number for
the admiral's flag aide.

g*dd*mn it.

Carl, did you hear me?

I love your poster.

Oh, well, this isn't my office.

There are fumes in my cubicle.

What's happening?

Do you work here?

Oh, um, yeah.

Uh, temporarily.

I'm Monica.

I just got transferred
from the White House.

Where in the White House?

Kind of all over...
East Wing, West Wing.

I started as an intern
and then I got hired

by Legislative Affairs.

We're out of creamer.

(MONICA CHEWING)

You must be someone's pet rock.

- What's a pet rock?
- It just means

somebody in the White House
is looking out for you.

It doesn't feel like it.

Confidential assistant
to the assistant secretary.

And you're so young.

I'm about to turn .

- That's not young?
- Not to me.

Oh, God, of course not. Look at you.

You have the life experience
of a zygote.

Just know, not a few people
in that office covet your job.

(SIGHS) Well, they can have it.
I'm going back in a few months.

- To the White House?
- Not like it was my idea.

Why did they transfer you?

Um, I don't know. It's a whole thing.

I just wish I'd brought from home.

Weight Watchers makes these
amazing meals you can microwave.

Oh, I have seen those at Safeway.

They're low-fat, so you don't
want to k*ll yourself later.

- Oh, like you need to worry.
- Are you kidding?

- You're gorgeous.
- Ugh.

Not in Beverly Hills.

Second grade, they called me Big Mac.

My high school, they called me Gus.

Gus?

(LAUGHS) Why? What does that mean?

I don't know. Nobody ever explained.

Well, joke's on them, Linda.

Look at us. We're on top of the world.

- (LAUGHS)
- Oh, just kidding.

I cried myself to sleep
every night this week.

I don't want to be here.

No one wants to be here, but listen,

if I can put on my wisdom hat,
you said this was temporary.

You know? I can tell you're very bright.

- So bright, I got myself exiled.
- Temporarily.

You can endure anything
knowing it has an end.

I know there's nowhere
like the West Wing.

Believe me, I know.

Where were you when you were there?

My last stop was the counsel's office.

We touched everything
at a very high level.

I was the last person
to see Vince Foster alive.

- Oh, wow.
- Before that,

during Bush, I was on a desk
right outside the Oval.

Why was I sent to the counsel's office?

Well, back in ' , I was very trim.

I have reason to believe
that Hillary didn't want me

near the president,
if you know what I mean.

Of course, nothing was worse
than the day I was sent here.

Stabbed in the back by
a fair-weather friend.

I won't say more. (SCOFFS)

Sounds awful.

It was.

It was. Loyalty is very important to me.

Fair-weather or not, I miss
having friends in Washington.

Most of my intern class left town

when they weren't hired
and D.C. gets lonely fast.

Well, now you and I can
be miserable together.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Although, have to say,
you're such a knockout,

I just assumed you'd be
dating some big D.C. player.

- Ah...
- What?

- I'm not dating.
- Why not?

I'm kind of in something.

And yet you feel lonely.

Yes, affirmative.

Well, that's no good.

Tell me about him.

It's, uh, it's just he's,
um, unavailable.

Someone long-distance.

Someone from work.

Someone important?

Is that why they sent you here?

We should get back, right?

Let me let you in on a little secret.

- Mm, tell me.
- That's Stephen.

Some major custody battle going on.

Willie is a schmuck.
He's completely ineffective.

Hi, Brenda.

She's going to loathe you since
you're pretty and connected.

That's Colleen.

Apparently, she's got the herps...

both upstairs and down.
And you know what?

She's also from Los Angeles.

- Oh, really? Where?
- I think she said Glendale.

- Is that it?
- Glendale's never it.

Okay, now that's Susan,
my cubicle mate.

- She's sick.
- Oh, no.

No, I-I mean she's deranged.

Don't make eye contact. Monica, don't.

Okay, this is me.

Oh. Well, you know where I am.

(SIGHS) Almost neighbors.

I should really get back to it.

Look at all the rules
they have about printers.

Look at you, busy bee.

What are you doing on your calendar?

MONICA: Oh... (CHUCKLES)

(QUIETLY): I-I'm insane.

_

_

It's a countdown.

That's when you go back.

I have been dreading this so much,

but I feel so much better after today.

You know,

I have always wanted to try
the, um, after-work specials

over by Pentagon City.
You want to get a drink?

I can't tonight. Maybe Monday?

Sure.

It's a date.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(TV PLAYING QUIETLY)

(PHONE RINGING)

(LINE RINGING)

(PHONE RINGING)

(LINE CLICKS)

What you got?

What's your definition of inside inside?

(PHONE RINGS)

- Hello?
- BILL: Hey.

Hi, handsome.

How was your first day?