04x11 - Teddy's Choice

[bunniefuu]

[Music] Now, don't forget, everyone, Wednesday night is Teddy's birthday and we're gonna have cake and ice cream.

- Woo-whoo!

- Yay! Yay.

Oh, man, I never know what to get you.

Just get me a gift card.

Oh, gift cards when you care enough to do the very least.

You know, in some cultures, this is when you'd stop being supported by your parents.

Then how do they get their money? From their grandparents? Oh, by the way, dad, I need Oh, me too.

You know, guys, it's kind of not special when you're telling me how much I'm getting right in front of me.

And also, can it be $30? Can I have money too, Daddy? Oh, they grow up so fast.

[Rock music playing]

Today's all burnt toast running late and dad jokes.

"Has anybody seen my left shoe?" I close my eyes, take a bite grab a ride, laugh out loud.

There it is up on the roof.

I've been there, I survived.

So just take my advice.

Hang in there, baby things are crazy.

But I know your future's bright.

Hang in there, baby, there's no maybe.

Everything turns out all right.

Sure life is up and down.

But trust me, it comes back around.

You're gonna love who you turn out to be.

Hang in there, baby.

[Doorbell rings]

- Hi.

- Hey, you.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry! Do I still smell like skunk? No, it's not that.

I just, I haven't told my dad that we're dating yet.

And a little.

Well, when are you gonna tell him? I want to tell the world.

If I was back home, I'd have your name on the water tower by now.

A water tower? That sounds serious.

Oh, it is.

Especially if you get caught by deputy Jim Bob.

Anyways, when are you gonna tell him?

- It seems like your dad likes me.

- Well, yeah, I just I don't know.

I've never dated anyone that works for him before.

That's good news.

I've seen some pictures of Vern.

Okay.

I'm gonna tell him.

I just want to make sure that he's in a good mood when I do it.

Main menu, billing! Bill-ing! Billing! Now's not that time.

Gabe Duncan, you are going.

No, I'm not, and you can't make me.

Bob, talk to your son.

If you can't make me go, what are the odds that he can? He refuses to go clothes shopping with me.

And what's so bad about it? It's embarrassing.

You're always spinning me around, tucking things in, saying things like, is that too tight in the crotch? Sometimes I say "crotch" just to see that look on your face.

If I have to go shopping, can dad at least take me? There, you see, he just wants to spend time with his old man.

Don't get a big head.

You're just the lesser of two evils.

Before turning on your mixers, please make sure they're on the proper settings or That will happen.

I'm sorry, Chef.

As usual, Potty Thank you for being the "don't" part of our lesson.

Winnie, what's going on with him? He's meaner than usual.

I don't know.

Class, I have an announcement to make.

The Wainwright Academy of Culinary and Kitchen Operations Has been bought out.

We are now owned by the Sakashimi Institute Of Culinary and Kitchen Operations.

Therefore, from now on Wacko Will be known as Sicko.

Oh, maybe that's what's stressing him out.

Oh, it's stressing me out too.

I just finished memorizing Wacko.

So we're having cake and stuff on my actual birthday.

And then on Saturday, Ivy's throwing me a surprise party.

If it's a surprise, how do you know about it? She invited me over Saturday night for a study date And then she giggled.

So, Spencer, there's something that I wanted to tell you.

My dad hired this new - Hi, dad.

- Oh, hey, Ted.

- Hi, Mr.

Duncan.

- Oh, hey, Spence.

- So you were telling me something?

- Oh, it can wait.

Bob: Hey.

Spencer, you remember that itch I had? The one I kept scratching in front of you? b*rned into my brain, Sir.

Yeah, well, you won't ever see that again because I went to the doctor and got me some ointment.

Or was it a salve? Amy! My butt stuff, what is that called?! Talk to you later.

Charlie, honey, your lunch is ready.

What's this? It's Teddy's birthday present.

You got her a rock? She doesn't have one.

Well, that's true.

You know what else Teddy might like? A little necklace.

Like maybe you could make one with some string, and macaroni, some glitter.

Sounds like a lot of work.

I'm sure whatever you get Teddy she will love.

Um, also, just so you know for Mother's Day I already have a rock.

Amy: Hey.

How'd it go at the Mall? Fine, yeah.

Tell her about your shirt.

[Sighs] Dad picked out a shirt for me.

Tell her what you said about it.

I said it was cool.

Don't go crazy about this.

You just didn't fail.

When we were paying for our stuff The sales clerk said, that's a nice shirt.

You must be one of those cool, hip dads.

Really? She said that? She said, "nice shirt".

I kind of made up the rest.

Did she even say, nice shirt? Nope.

[Doorbell rings] Chef, what are you doing here? I was in the neighborhood, and I thought I'd pay a visit to my favorite student.

Oh, does he live around here? It's you.

- May I come in?

- Sure.

- And who's this?

- This is my brother, Toby.

Toby, Chef.

What a charming little tyke.

So what can I do for you, Chef? What, do I have to want something to pay you a visit? PJ, I see something in you.

You remind me of a young me.

Wouldn't that be more like three young yous?

[Chuckling] Marvelous, because I'm so large and you're so slight.

Actually, there is one thing.

Um The corporation that I now report to, has randomly selected one of my students to do a teacher evaluation.

And that student is you.

An evaluation? That sounds complicated.

It's simple, really.

There's a numbering system where one is poor and five is excellent.

The important thing to remember is that five is excellent.

Got it.

Do you? Let's review.

What is excellent?

- Five.

- Very good.

Very good would be four.

- No, I meant you did fine.

- Fine is three, right? I'm going to leave now.

What? A gift card? No way! Yeah, honey, save it for the surprise party.

$15? Gabe, I gave you $20.

What? The gift-giver can't get a little taste? Open my present.

Okay.

Oh! It's heavy.

Oh.

It's a rock.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh.

That must be Beau.

I invited him over.

Beau? Why? Oh, well, you know.

Just because He doesn't really know anybody in town.

And he's such a sweet guy.

No other reason.

Happy Birthday!

- Spencer.

- Hey.

All: Hey, Spencer.

Hey, everybody.

Um What a great surprise.

Um, what are you doing here? Come on, you really think I'd miss your [Knocks] Hello? Beau's here.

Hey, everybody.

- Happy Birthday.

- Oh, thanks.

Who's the guy with the smaller bouquet? Who's the guy with the cheaper flowers? I guess I should probably introduce you two Unless there's another option.

No? Okay.

Um Beau, this is Spencer.

My ex-boyfriend.

And, Spencer, this is Beau.

He works for my dad.

- How are you?

- Nice to meet you.

- What's he doing here?

- What's he doing here? All right, now before I answer those questions, let me just remind everybody Especially dad That it's my birthday.

Happy, happy, happy.

Here goes.

Beau and I are dating.

- You're dating?

- You're dating?! Happy Birthday to you.

Hap What, did you guys forget the words? [Music] You're dating my employee? Wait a minute.

Let me rephrase that.

You're dating my daughter?! Okay, now Bob's up to speed.

Why don't we go have cake in the kitchen and give these three some space? Are you kidding me? This party just got interesting.

Kitchen! Now! Spencer, I was gonna tell you about Beau the other day, but then my dad walked in and, well, I just didn't have a chance.

No problem, Teddy.

I'm happy for you.

- Really? - Yeah, you're a lucky guy.

I agree.

Of course Mr.Duncan's probably gonna want a follow-up conversation.

Bob: You got that right.

- Hey, Kelly.

- Hi, Gabe.

[Giggles]

- What are you looking at?

- Your shirt.

- Oh, do you like it?

- Yeah.

I have it in red.

What? You're wearing a girl's shirt.

[Chuckles] No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

Look at the buttons.

They're on the left side.

So? That doesn't prove anything.

Okay, Kelly, a mistake has been made.

But if you have an ounce of decency, please, I beg you Hey, everybody! Gabe Duncan's wearing a girl's shirt.

[Laughter] Gabe: Yeah, yeah, okay.

Okay! Guys, I don't have to stand here and take this.

I should be running.

[Doorbell rings]

Spencer, hey.

- Hey, can we talk for a minute?

- Yeah, sure.

[Door closes] So what's going on?

[Sighs] Um The truth is, uh It felt really weird to see you with another guy.

I thought I'd be okay with it, but I'm not.

But don't you have a girlfriend? Oh, we broke up weeks ago.

Teddy, when I saw you with him I I realized that I still have feelings for you.

Um What are you saying? I think we should get back together.

Ah, Spencer, I What, don't you still have feelings for me?

- Of course I do.

- Then we should be together.

But I also have feelings for Beau.

I saw you first.

I don't really think that applies here.

You're just gonna have to decide, you know?

- Who do you want to be with; Me or him?

- Spencer, that's not fair.

You can't just spring this on me and expect me to make some sort of big decision.

Okay, you're right.

I'm sorry.

Just, um Think about it.

Take all the time you want.

Thank you.

Have you decided yet? - Oh, my.

- That bad, huh? Quite the opposite.

Chef, you know the opposite of bad is good, right? [Laughs] There's that wit.

PJ This sauce is truly astonishing.

Wow.

By the way, how are we doing with that evaluation? Oh, I'm so sorry.

I forgot it.

I'll bring it in tomorrow.

Wonderful.

Evaluation? What was that all about? The people at Sicko want me to evaluate Chef.

Oh, that's it.

That's why he's being nice to you.

PJ, don't you get it? Oh, of course.

Of course I do.

But if you want to review it for your own sake, that's fine with me.

Chef is being nice to you so you'll give him a good evaluation.

And until you hand it in, he'll love everything you do.

There is a simpler explanation.

- What's that? - Maybe my sauce truly is astonishing.

No, that's not it.

What was your thing again? And then he said he still has feelings for me.

Oh.

And he wants me to choose between the two of you.

Oh.

Is that all you're gonna say? Oh? Um Oh, my? Beau, be serious.

Look, Teddy.

Obviously I want you to choose me.

But I get that you and Spencer have had a long history together.

Whatever you decide, I'll understand.

I just want you to be happy.

Thank you.

I really appreciate that.

Although I kind of wish this whole thing had come up before me and your dad had that five-hour conversation.

Oh, hey, buddy.

So? Everyone at school like your new shirt? Well, yeah, dad.

The girls did.

- Ooh, I bet they did.

- Yeah.

That's because it's a girl's shirt! What? No, it's not.

Yes, it is.

Girls are wearing it.

It's not a shirt.

It's a top.

You sent me to school in a top.

Oh, man, I must have wandered into the girls' section.

Oops.

Oops?! That's all you have to say is oops? Dad, everybody laughed.

I was humiliated.

All right, all right.

All right, Gabe, Gabe.

I'm sorry.

Why do you care so much about what other people think? Oh, because I'm in Middle School.

That's what we do in Middle School.

Well, someday, you're gonna realize it doesn't matter what other people think.

If you like a shirt, you should be proud to wear it.

So you would wear a girl's shirt? If I liked it, yes.

Get your keys.

We're going shopping.

So, have you had time to think about what a great guy I am? Um, you are a great guy.

And, um So I'm not saying that It could never work between us.

But, um Now is just not the time.

Oh.

I mean, you're on the other side of the country.

And I'm going to college soon.

It just You know? It feels like we're in different places.

Hmm.

Is there anything I can say to change your mind? No, I don't think so, Spence.

I just really hope this doesn't change anything between us.

Because our friendship is so important to me.

I'm sorry, Teddy.

I can't.

- You can't what?

- Be friends with you.

- Why? - Because it's too hard.

Teddy, I'm still in love with you.

[Door closes] Are you okay, Teddy? Were you listening? No.

You handled it really well though.

- Morning, Chef.

- Good morning, friend.

I made this quiche last night.

Can I get your opinion? With pleasure.

Oh, it's so Quichey.

It's like my mouth has been taken to flavor town.

Wrong.

- Excuse me?

- I know it's bad.

My mom made it.

Here is your evaluation.

You can stop being nice to me now.

- All fives?

- Yes, because you're a great teacher.

When you're being you.

The truth is, Chef, I'd rather have a mean teacher I can learn from.

Than a nice teacher who's only being nice because he's nice for the sake of Let me start over.

The truth is, Chef Hold on.

Hold on.

Hold on.

I think I know what you're trying to say.

You'd prefer it if I told you the truth.

That this quiche is horrid

- Yes.

Good.

- Rancid! Putrid, disgusting, glop!

- Well, that was a little much.

- Get out.

And he's back.

Well, Charlie, I turned 18.

It was a pretty big milestone.

I'm a legal adult.

I can vote now.

[Scoffs] Uh, excuse me No, you are revealing your ignorance.

You cannot vote until you're 25.

Dad told me.

- Oh.

- Yeah.

You're right.

My bad.

I know.

Teddy: Whoa! Dad, what are you wearing?! Something I'm very comfortable in.

And something that I think expresses my unique flair and style.

Dad agreed to wear it for 24 hours.

I know you're trying to embarrass me, but it ain't gonna work.

You do know it's bowling night, right? [Sighs] Oh, boy.

Ooh, better wish dad some good luck, Charlie.

[Music] Hello, friends.

I'm Bob Duncan.

And I have a question for you.

How many times has this happened to you? This itch is driving me crazy! Well, no more! Because now science has given us a solution.

Bob's Butt Stuff.

Is it a cream? Is it a salve? Can you grout your tub with it? The answer, of course, is yes.

Bob's Butt Stuff, available in the most embarrassing section of your drugstore.