♪ Come and listen to my
story about a man named Jed ♪
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
♪ And then one day, he
was sh**ting at some food ♪
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubbling crude ♪
♪ Oil, that is ♪
♪ Black gold ♪
♪ Texas tea ♪
♪ Well, the first thing you
know, old Jed's a millionaire ♪
♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪
♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪
♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪
♪ Hills, that is ♪
♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪
Rusty, I'm sorry you
didn't get to do no mousing
for no movie stars.
None of us get to do
nothing for nobody.
Well, Jed, do you
still think you can
make friends with
these Beverly Hills folks?
I got to admit, it ain't easy.
Hah!
Jethro, did you keep
track like I done told you?
Yes'm, Granny.
Oh, we went to 27 places.
And what happened?
Tell him, Jethro!
I know, Granny, I was there.
Tell him, Jethro,
so he won't forget.
Well, at 14 places
we didn't even
get through the electric gates.
At eight others, we got through
and then got chased out by dogs.
Are you listening, Jed?
Granny, I was there.
Tell him, Jethro.
That leaves five.
At three of them, we got
mean-mouthed by the butler.
The other two, one
turned the hose on us
and one called the police.
Want to hear it again, Jed?
No.
Is we ready to go
back home to the hills
where we belong?
I am. Well, I'm not.
I'd be out of place back
there with them country people.
I've done become what you call
a "big city boy."
Well, listen, big city boy,
if your Uncle Jed
says we's going home,
we's going home.
Well, I ain't said it yet.
I got to study on it first
and talk to Mr. Drysdale.
Mr. Drysdale.
It was his wife that
turned the hose on us!
Turned the hose on them?!
Now you listen to me!
You get right over
to the Clampetts
and get down on your
knees and apologize to them,
and that is an order!
And if my wife sees you,
I'm getting a new butler.
Excuse me, Chief.
Mr. Lester is here again. Who?
Leroy Lester, he's
the little bookkeeper
who's been trying to see
you for so long. What about?
Well, it seems
he's being replaced
by a computer and...
All the bookkeepers
are being replaced by computers.
Didn't you receive the
mimeographed notice?
Well, yes, Chief, but
Mr. Lester has been
with the bank for 47 years.
He was hired by your father.
If you could just
have a word with him.
Oh, all right.
Come in, Mr. Lester.
Mr. Drysdale will see you now.
Oh, I can come
back if Mr. Drysdale...
No, no-no-no it's all right.
Come in. But I don't
want to be a bother.
Oh, no. Come on.
Well, well, so
you're Lester Leroy?
Chief, it's Leroy Lester.
Oh, that's all right.
Whatever Mr. Drysdale says.
What's on your mind, Lester?
Well, I... Speak up.
Speak up.
As I told you, Chief,
Mr. Lester's being retired
to make way for automation
in the bookkeeping department.
Oh, lucky you.
Now you can take it easy.
You'll be getting
a nice, big, fat
pension check every month.
I will?
Well, certainly.
You qualify for government
social security, don't you?
Oh, yes, sir.
I thought you meant I'd be
getting something from the bank.
Oh, well, you will!
You will!
We're not going
to forget 47 years
of faithful service.
He qualifies for
something from the bank,
doesn't he?
Tie clasp, fountain
pen... Something like that?
Actually, Mr. Lester is
entitled to receive a gold watch.
Gold? Are you sure?
Yes, Chief, solid gold.
I hear those new
stainless steel watches
have got 'em all b*at.
Shockproof, waterproof...
Swim a lot, do you?
Not really.
Oh, it's great exercise,
take a few lessons.
Meanwhile, I'll have
your watch engraved
with your name on
it in nice, big letters:
Lester Leroy. Thank you.
Chief, it is Leroy Lester.
Oh, if Mr. Drysdale likes
it better the other way,
I can change it.
Well, thank you again.
Good-bye. Oh, Mr. Lester,
you haven't told Mr. Drysdale
what you've been waiting
all these weeks to say.
But he's busy. Oh,
speak up. What is it?
Well, I... He'd like
to go on working.
He feels he can
be of real service.
I'd be willing to
give up the watch,
even the raise you gave me.
When did I give him a raise?
In 1963, when the
government increased
the minimum wage law.
Oh.
Now, surely there is
something Mr. Lester can do.
He's always been
our finest bookkeeper,
an absolute whiz at figures.
Well, all right.
Just call me an
old sentimentalist.
Lester.
Yes, sir?
One day a month,
you can go to my house
and straighten out
my wife's checkbook.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, Miss Hathaway.
Chief, you are not serious!
I certainly am.
Tell him he can start today.
Of course, I can't pay
him what he's getting here,
but he can use the pool.
You're all heart.
And get him one of those
stainless steel watch.
Well, I guess I'm
just an old softie.
Pa, how many critters
can I take back home with us?
Oh, I'd say as many
as you can fit in here
comfortable without scrapping.
Why don't you fetch some
out and try it on for size?
Yes, sir, Pa.
Get the truck greased, boy?
Pretty near.
I run out of possum fat.
Granny'll give you some more.
Hey, Uncle Jed, I
got to talk to you.
We ain't really going
home to the hills, are we?
Well, I kind of think
we ought to give it a try.
Granny's had it in her
craw for a long time now.
Gee whiz, Uncle Jed,
just between us men,
I got me a real problem.
What's that?
I'm in love.
Who with?
Pretty near every girl I see.
Well, then I reckon it
can't be too serious.
But there are four or five girls
that I'm desperate in love with.
In fact, I've done
ask them to marry me.
All of them?
Yes, sir.
What if all five of
them says "yes"?
Wouldn't that be something?
Yeah, that'd be
something, all right.
Appears to me like this
might be a good time
for you to get out of town.
But what am I gonna
tell my sweethearts?
Well, the smartest thing
would be "good-bye."
And the quicker, the smarter.
Boy, Mrs. Drysdale's maid
sure is going to be heartbroke.
She's gonna fling
her arms around me
and hang on and beg me not to go
and smother me with
kisses and bawl and carry on.
Yeah, the way some of
these girls say good-bye
makes leaving them
right worthwhile.
Get going, boy.
Yes, sir.
Hi, Mr. Lester.
Oh, hello, Miss Trego.
Where are you going?
Oh, up to Mr. Drysdale's house.
It's such a beautiful day,
I thought I'd put the top down.
Is this your car?
Well, not yet.
I still have three
years of payments
to make to the bank.
Uh, mind if I ride to
the corner with you?
Oh, why no, certainly not.
Here... No, that's
all right, stay there.
I can get in. Oh. All right.
Now, Elmer, you
stop that shoving.
Little Arnie's got
to have room, too.
It's a long ride back home.
And remember, if
Eleanor lays a egg,
it's share and share alike.
How's it going, Elly?
Well, Pa, I think I'm gonna have
15 or 20 critters left over.
Well, you'd best commence
finding homes for them.
What about Bessie here?
Well, I figure she
can sit with us
and spell Jethro
with the driving.
Well, we'll have
to see about that.
Hey, Pa, we got company.
Yonder comes a car up
the driveway lickety-split.
Hmm, ain't that q*eer?
You can't even hear
the engine running.
JETHRO: Put on
yore brakes, little fella!
(tires screeching)
Oh, howdy there.
You got car trouble?
Well, I... He got stalled in
Mrs. Drysdale's driveway,
and she couldn't
get her limousine out.
And she went to mean-mouthing
him something awful.
If I hadn't come along,
I bet she'd have
turned the hose on him.
Well, don't let that bother you.
She done hosed
us down once today.
My name is Jed.
This here's my daughter, Elly.
And I reckon you met Jethro.
Howdy.
Hello.
Don't believe I
caught your name.
Oh, it's Lester.
Leroy.
Oh, Lester Leroy.
That's close enough.
Come on inside and
set a spell, Mr. Leroy.
Jethro will fix
your car for you.
Well, I don't have much money.
Why, you'd insult Jethro if
you offered him any money.
No, he wouldn't.
Vittles is ready.
Come and get them before...
Jed, did you go
and buy a sporty car
just when we's leaving?
No, Granny, this
sporty car belongs
to this gentleman right
here, Mr. Lester Leroy.
Oh, well, come and take
vittles with us, Mr. Leroy.
Oh, no, thanks.
I don't want to be any trouble.
It's on the table.
Well, you go
ahead, I'll be all right.
Well, now we sure don't aim
to let you set out
here whilst we eat.
Come on. Oh, no, but I don't
want to impose on anybody.
We'd be glad to
have you, come on.
Oh, no, no, no, I'll
just wait right here.
Jethro, the vittles
is getting cold.
Fetch him in.
Oh! No, no...
You rang, Chief? I sure did.
I want an immediate
audit run on the books
of that little
playboy embezzler,
Leroy or Lester...
Whatever his name is.
"Playboy embezzler"?
Poor, mousy, little Mr. Lester?
I'll tell you how poor he is.
He has one of the most
expensive hobbies going.
What's that?
Restoring antique automobiles.
Oh, Chief...
He was seen driving
away from this bank
in a 1919 Runabout.
And as for being
mousy, get this.
He took that beautiful
Miss Trego with him.
Well, perhaps he needed some
help with your wife's checkbook.
Ah, that's a laugh.
I talked to the butler.
He never even got to the house.
If you ask me, he
and his sweetheart
are headed for Mexico.
Oh, Chief, Mr. Lester's
old enough to be Miss
Trego's grandfather.
And rich enough to
be her sugar daddy.
No wonder he
didn't want to retire.
He's got a gold mine here.
And he's been working
the claim for 47 years.
I'm sure this is all a mistake.
Then where is Miss Trego?
I just called, she's
not at her desk.
Well, perhaps
it's her lunch hour.
And you wonder why I'm
replacing people with computers?
Computers don't
take lunch hours!
They don't even
take coffee breaks.
And best of all, they
don't run off to Mexico
with your money and
your beautiful secretaries.
Well, Chief, this is all
too incredible to believe.
Oh, yeah?
Well, you order that audit
and alert the highway patrol.
Ooh, I'll bet right this minute
that peewee playboy is
sitting in some resort hotel
stuffing himself with
caviar and champagne!
Have some more grits
and jowls, Mr. Leroy?
Oh, no, thank you, I've
already had one helping.
Have another!
Well, it is awfully good.
I don't know when I've
had so much delicious food.
Why, you ain't hardly had
enough to feed a baby bird.
Don't you eat this good
at home, Mr. Leroy?
Elly, that ain't no
kind of question to ask.
I reckon ain't many
people eat this good.
Let me give ya some more
of these pickled crawdads.
Well, just a few.
I'm not used to
so much rich food.
You see, I usually
have just a half a can
of beans for lunch.
What do ya have for supper?
The other half.
That ain't eatin'.
Well, you see, my landlady
won't allow me to
cook in my room.
Why don't ya move out?
I don't think she'd let me.
Oh, not that I'd want to.
You see, I get my room
for two dollars a week.
That kinda money,
ya can't even cook?
No, sir.
At that price, they oughta
throw your meals in!
I'd move if I was you.
Well, now that I'm not working,
I guess I will have to find
some place less expensive.
Speakin' of workin',
I'd best get busy
on Mr. Leroy's car.
Can I please be excused?
Sure, boy.
Please don't bother.
Oh, I don't mind.
Elly can help me.
Come on, Elly.
She can lift his car
while I crawl under it.
Excuse me please.
JED: Now hold on.
That kinda work ain't for girls.
Jethro, you lift and
let Elly crawl under.
There's no question about it,
he's headed for the
border with my money
and Miss Trego. Chief.
What? We have Mr. Lester's file.
Good.
I'll keep you posted.
Well, where is it?
Would you bring in
the file, Miss Trego?
Here you are, Miss Hathaway.
I thought you were on your way
to Mexico with Lester.
No, Mr. Drysdale,
he dropped me at the corner.
Exactly what you can
expect from his kind!
By now, he's probably
picked up some senorita!
Chief, Miss Trego agrees with me
that Mr. Lester simply
could not do these things.
Fooled you, too, eh?
Mr. Drysdale, that's
the sweetest, meekest,
mildest little man I ever met.
And poor as a church mouse.
Why, I hear he lives
on practically nothing
but beans.
Sure, he's been in
training for Mexico!
Would you like to hear
about his "antique car"?
You bet!
That car was purchased new
by Mr. Lester in
1919 at a cost of $550.
In fact, your father arranged
for this bank to finance it.
Good old soft-hearted dad.
I bet he even gave the
scoundrel easy payments.
Very easy.
He's been making
them for 46 years!
And he still has
three years to go.
You get back to your desk!
Listen, I'm gettin' tired
of holdin' this thing up!
If they ain't nothin' wrong
under there, then come on out!
Elly May,
that monkey don't know
nothin' about fixin' cars!
Quiet down, Jethro,
Bessie was just
handin' me the tools.
What'd ya find wrong?
Nothin'.
The trouble must be
in that thing up front.
That's the engine,
you dumb girl!
You better watch out
who you callin' dumb!
I'm smart!
You're about as
smart as that monkey!
Well, that's better.
How you doin', young'uns?
You got the car
fixed? Well, not yet, Pa.
You know, I'm about
of the notion that
that little fella needs
fixin' more than his car.
Whatcha mean?
Well, uh, turns out
that we had his name backwards
and he didn't even have
the gumption to tell us.
He is right skittish.
I believe that a good
sized bunny rabbit
could face him down.
Reckon there's a
way to help him?
I hope so.
I sure would like to get
a little starch in his spine
before we leave town.
You mean to tell me
that after 47 years,
they's givin' your
job to a machine?
Well, I don't
blame them, really.
I'm getting old.
Nonsense!
You're in the prime
of life... my age!
But I'm not as fast
as the machine,
especially with this
rheumatism in my hands.
Rheumatiz? Mm-hmm.
I got medicine that'll fix that.
Oh, don't bother.
I got it right here.
What's that for?
I'd like to help
with the dishes.
Ah, I'll fetch Elly for that.
Here.
You swallow this.
It's good for what ails ya.
Mmm. (laughs)
Chief, Mr. Lester
is calling you!
They caught him, eh?
Hello.
Mr. Drysdale?
Yes.
I have a message for you.
Well, let's have it!
(blowing raspberry)
♪ ♪
JED: One tablespoonful
of rheumatiz medicine done that?
Word of honor,
that's all I give him.
This is the first time I've seen
the little fella look happy.
JETHRO: He's grinnin'
like a baked possum.
Well, let's get busy
and load up the truck.
We got a long trip ahead of us.
Well, what we gonna
do about Mr. Lester?
Yeah, suppose he's still sleepi"
when we's ready to start out?
Well, just lay him
out front on the grass.
On the grass? With rheumatiz?
I'll leave a jug
alongside of him.
For a week or so, he
won't care where he is.
Hand 'em to me faster, Jed.
Quicker we get packed,
the quicker we'll
get on the road.
You know, Granny,
I been thinkin'...
By the time we
get this stuff loaded,
it'll be sundown.
So?
So, that truck ain't the
best thing in the world
to be drivin' after dark...
With no lights and all.
Well, we'll do what we
done on our way out here...
have Elly run ahead of
the truck wavin' a lantern.
Yeah, but the
trouble with that was
we couldn't keep up with her.
Well, then have Elly run slower
or Jethro drive faster.
'Cause I ain't aimin'
to stay one more night
in these Beverly Hills
where we ain't wanted
and we ain't needed!
Until today.
What do you mean?
Mr. Lester.
I never seen nobody
that needs somebody
worse than him.
Now, Jed, he ain't our lookout.
We didn't ask him to come here.
We didn't have to...
Jethro fetched him.
Well, then have Jethro fetch
him back where he found him.
For Mrs. Drysdale to
mean-mouth and turn the hose on?
Now, Jed, you stop
right where you are.
I know what you're up to!
You're wantin' me to feel sorry
for that little fella
so I'll give up the
idea of goin' home
and stay here and help him!
That's right.
Is it workin'?
Yeah, doggone it, it is.
(sighs)
(chuckles)
Oh, my goodness!
Oh, where am I?
What happened?
Well, you fell asleep.
Oh. Oh, oh!
Oh, those-those dogs!
Well, don't be scared.
They's your friends.
My friends?
Well, show him, fellas.
(dogs barking) Oh!
Why, they actually
seem to like me.
(laughs)
'Course they do.
That's cause
you're a nice man...
Dogs can tell.
Oh, my goodness.
Would you like to have one?
Oh, thank you, but my
landlady wouldn't let me.
She'd chase it away.
She wouldn't chase you
away, would she, Hiram?
(growling)
He's vicious, isn't he?
Oh, shucks no.
Shake hands with Mr. Lester.
(laughing): Oh!
Oh, you're awake, Mr. Lester.
How you feelin'? Rheumatiz gone?
Oh, yes, I feel wonderful.
Elly, get your critters
out of the parlor.
Well, Hiram ain't mine no more.
He belongs to Mr. Lester now.
Oh, no, really,
my landlady won't
allow me to have a dog.
I will, too!
What?
What Granny means is that, uh,
she'd like to be your
landlady for a spell.
Me? Stay here?
Be mighty proud to have ya.
Oh, you would? Really?
Yeah, say you'll stay!
Please, Mr. Lester.
Oh, but I've never...
I couldn't... I...
Yes, I'll stay.
I'd like very much to stay.
(whistling) (cheering)
Here's the audit of
Mr. Lester's books.
It has just come
off the computer.
How much did the little
crook get away with?
His books balance to the penny.
Not one mistake in 47 years!
I don't believe it!
Feed it all through
the computer again.
I'm afraid that's impossible.
As it printed its last
digit... it blew up!
What?!
Like poor Mr. Lester,
it was overworked.
The computer people say it
will take several weeks to repair.
You mean I have no
bookkeeping department?
That's about the size of it.
Well, we've got
to locate Lester!
He's the only one that
can handle the workload!
It so happens he's
waiting to see you now.
Well, bring him
in, bring him in!
Come in, Mr. Lester.
My favorite bookkeeper,
Lester Leroy!
Mr. Drysdale, my
name is Leroy Lester.
Of course, of course.
Now get down to your
desk and get to work.
But I don't... Now, now, now.
I'm willing to forget
everything that happened.
You get your old job
back with no cut in salary.
And I'll even refinance
that car again,
make those payments easier.
Mr. Drysdale,
I'm taking an extended
leave of absence.
You see, I haven't
had a vacation
in 47 years.
You can't afford one!
Oh, yes, I can.
I'm staying with friends.
You haven't got any.
JED: Where are ya, Leroy?
In here, Jed.
Oh, howdy,
Mr. Drysdale, Miss Jane.
Leroy, come on,
Elly May's waitin'
to give ya a swimmin' lesson.
After that, you and
me's goin' huntin'.
You two are friends?
You betcha we are.
Come on, Leroy.
Wait, Mr. Clampett.
I need Leroy.
He's my favorite bookkeeper.
My only bookkeeper.
Oh, yeah, Miss
Jane was tellin' me
about your cipheri"
machine blowin' up.
Well, we took care of that.
Come on in, boy.
Jethro?!
Boy, show Mr. Drysdale
how you can cipher.
Two and two is four.
Four and four is eight.
Uh, eight and eight
is, uh, uh... Sixteen.
Yeah. Thank you.
There, you see?
Come on, Leroy.
Uh, 16 and 16 is, uh, uh...
16 and 16 is, uh...
Six and six is twelve.
Drop down the two
and carry the one.
(theme song playing)
♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪
♪ Fer kindly droppin' in ♪
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪
♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪
♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪
♪ Set a spell ♪
♪ Take your shoes off ♪
♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪