03x07 - Rogue Witness

[bunniefuu]

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

♪♪

So, Chantal,
thank you for being a Femmeployer

and for sharing your story.

Thank you for having me.

So, you're a poet,
and you were recently the subject

of regional concern
when you went missing.

And all before the age of .

Like, wow.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

So, you attended

- one of my bimonthly workshops...
- Mm-hmm.

... and can you tell
me a little bit about

what you discovered?

So, I've always known
that the universe wanted me

to think of myself as, like,

- a symbol for heartbreak.
- Mm-hmm.

Like, my whole life,
people have come up to me

and been like, "Like,
why do you look so sad?

What's wrong?"

And then I came to your workshop,
and I was struck by

the totally unrelated realization
That every time I stay

in a hotel, I find myself coming alive.

Oh, I feel my best self at hotels.

I love how you can just

throw the dirty towels
all over the floor.

So that led me to wonder,
like, "Where is that space

that you can go to reignite your flame

after hitting rock bottom from
a devastating heartbreak?"

Yeah, yeah.

Where is that?

Melissa, it doesn't exist.

Wow. That is insane.

Our society is insane.

Before now, there has never been

a premier boutique shelter
for heartbroken women.

A safe space with all of the
perks of a five-star hotel.

A castle, mm, if you will.

Chantal's Castle.

Chantal's Castle.

[CHUCKLING] Wow.

- [BANG, GLASS SHATTERS]
- [SCREAMS]

[GASPS]

Well... we also hear that you're a DJ.

Um, no. [CHUCKLES]

♪♪

♪ Obedear, the sky is low ♪

JUDGE HELLERMAN: Do you swear or affirm

that the testimony you are about to give

will be the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing

but the truth?

Yes, Your Honor.

Be seated.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Mr. Goss,
thank you for your presence here today.

Um, would you mind telling the court

how you know the defendants, Dory Sief

- and Drew Gardner?
- Sure.

Our social groups kind
of circled each other

at NYU, um,
and then there was that party, I guess,

where we just, like, totally clicked?

[CHUCKLES] Oh, my God.

I love when that happens.

So, on May th of this past year,
you went to Montreal.

Mm-hmm.

Did you notice anything
suspicious on that trip?

Yes.

It was super suspicious
that I wasn't car sick.

- Oh!
- [LAUGHTER]

I see what you did.

Yeah, I mean, it was,
like, a seven-hour drive,

And I'm totally one of
those people that, like,

If I'm even looking
at my phone in the car,

I will get so nauseous.

- Oh, my God, twin.
- Yeah. Yeah.

But I just want to say that

The allegations against Dory and Drew

are completely false.

It would be impossible for
them to have committed m*rder,

As it was unusually cold that night,

and we were all sharing a bed.

It was actually really cute.

They were both kind of asleep
in my arms the whole night.

And Dory's snoring kept me up.

Sorry, Dor, but you have to admit,

you're, like, a total foghorn.

[LAUGHTER]

And you left early the next morning?

Yes. We knew how worried
Chantal's parents were,

so we didn't want to dawdle
out of respect to them.

Uh, but the trip back was...
really gorgeous.

Actually, I made a mix for Chantal

of all the songs she missed
while she was off the grid

to kind of, like, slowly reintegrate her

- Back into society.
- [MOUTHS "THANK YOU"]

And it was surprisingly moving.

Oh, my God.

[CHUCKLES]

- [VOICE BREAKING]
- Don't cry, Elliott. Come on.

[ELLIOTT AND CASSIDY CHUCKLE]

That is so beautiful that
you all took the time

out of your lives

to reunite a family that was torn apart.

Yeah.

I do have just one more question.

Sure.

Is there any reason for you
to believe that the defendants

had anything to do with the m*rder

that occurred that night?

Absolutely not.

My friends are incredible Americans.

They're incapable of k*lling anyone.

They wouldn't even hurt a fly.

I love it when it's as simple as that.

Thank you, Mr. Goss.

And that is an impeccable jacket.

[LAUGHING] Oh!

You're up.

Wow, Cassidy.

That's pretty riveting stuff.

Congrats.

Thank you.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Elliott.

Gotta say,
you are a very charming young man.

- Thank you.
- [CHUCKLES]

And it's particularly nice

to see your fiancé... Hello...
and family come and show

their support. [BOTH
MOUTHING "WE LOVE YOU"]

Thank you so much. Yeah, I don't know

what I would be without them.

Mm.

[SMOOCHES]

Now, before we get to
the events that occurred

during your very relaxing
trip to Montreal... Mm-hmm.

... I'd like to get some
background questions

out of the way.

Were you once the subject of an article

called "The Millennial
Who Cried Cancer"?

[SPECTATORS MUTTER]

Okay, yes.
I see where you're going with this.

I know what you're
trying to do. [SCOFFS]

Oh, you do?

- Uh, yeah, I do.
- Oh.

For most of my life, I was living a lie.

I had claimed to have had
cancer since the age of ,

And that misbelief was,
uh, violently exposed

in said magazine article.

And I just want to stop you
from framing me as a liar,

because it's actually an issue
that I've confronted head-on

through rigorous therapy.

So, we all change in
different ways, Polly.

How, uh, insightful.

Now, you said that you know
Dory and Drew from NYU?

Yes?

Yes.

Go Violets. Whoo!

Well, that's interesting,
'cause, you know,

I did a little digging,
and according to the

university's registrar's office,

you were never actually
enrolled as a student, Mr. Goss.

ELLIOTT: [STAMMERS] Okay.

I suppose that is technically true,
Um, but I audited

four years of classes

amounting to a poli-sci major, so...

Oh, did you graduate
from the university?

I rented a cap and gown and
took photos at the ceremony

like everyone else, so, yeah, I did.

But you didn't receive a diploma,

So you did not graduate.

I do not understand the
value of that distinction,

to be honest. You know, I was so struck

When I found out
that... that information,

so I decided to just dig
back a little further

Into some of the statements
that you've made publicly.

Is it true that you, uh,

"proudly attended the NASA space camp

as one of ten kids to be
launched into outer orbit,"

according to a "What's"

"in my Pockets"
feature from the edition

of Accomplishments Magazine?

Uh, now, remember, Mr. Goss,
you're under oath, so...

- No. [SCOFFS]
- Okay.

But that magazine is run by,
like, a predator, so it's...

Were you the Gerber Baby from
age months to months?

- No.
- Okay.

Did your grandfather invent fish sticks,

as you've stated numerous
times to former co-workers

and friends?

No, but I admire that man greatly,

and what even is a grandfather?

- Okay.
- I object!

Your Honor, all of the
information that Polly just stated

is actually immaterial
to the case at hand.

Ms. Danziger, let's keep it on track.

Your Honor, I assure you,
this is right on track.

Now, um...

who's Eldad Tupper?

[LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY]

I mean, I have to laugh, Polly.

Let's jog your memory.

That would be za
birth certificate. Okay.

Specifically, your birth certificate.

Can I have this back, please?

Release, release.

Unhand it, you jackal!

ELLIOTT: Sometimes people are
born with names that don't fit,

Which is why I legally had

my name changed to Elliott Goss.

Ah, well, fair enough. Legally.

But according to your birth certificate,

Eldad is , not .

[SPECTATORS MUTTER]

According to this birth certificate,

It says your parents, uh, go by the name

Of Clem Tupper and Opal Ann Tupper.

[CHUCKLES] Now,
this was real confusing to me,

because the couple sitting
next to your fiancé

just over there in the gallery,
that we said hello to,

are they, in fact, your parents,
or a couple actors

that you found on a website
called NonUnionCasting.net?

[SPECTATORS MUTTER]

They are... actor...
Yeah, they're actors.

[GASPS]

POLLY: Actors?

Well, Elliott, is this your real family?

Tuppers, please stand for the jury.

Eldad, it's us!

JUDGE HELLERMAN: Please,
everyone, settle. [GAVEL BANGS]

Elliott, is that your actual family?

Yes, that's my actual family! I'm sorry.

[SPECTATORS MUTTER]

POLLY: Well, well, well.

Now that we've got the
housekeeping out of the way,

I will ask you to please state
to the courtroom one more time,

Did you or your friends
have anything to do

with the m*rder of
Keith Powell in Montreal?

No! No, we did not!

And why should we believe you

when everything you've ever
said has been some form of

a semi-well-crafted lie, huh?

Don't answer that, because I am done.

I have had it with this witness!

♪♪

Thank you.

You are truly the worst defense witness

this prosecution has ever seen.

Thank you.

♪♪

She sh**t, she scores!

Boo-yah-ka-sha!

All right, everyone.
Why don't we call it a day?

[GAVEL BANGS]

[GROANS]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

OPAL ANN: [GASPS]

El... Eldad!

I want you on the first
flight out of the city.

Do you understand me?

I'm sorry.

We thought you'd like the surprise.

Oh, my God. Don't
play that sh*t with me.

I don't know you.

I don't know what to say.

Sometimes as an actor, you just...

Lucky to be working.

But, you know, you start out,
it's just a job,

But I mean this when I
say I really like you.

I-I cannot do this right now, ma'am.

OPAL ANN: I knew this would happen,
And I should've been

prepared for it!

So, I guess the
wedding's off, or whatever?

I can't think right now, Elliott.

Marc, Marc, wait.

Okay.

I know everything in
my life may be a lie,

but you have to believe me.

The one true thing is my love for you.

Listen, I... I'm sorry to interrupt,

But, uh, once all
this... This dust clears,

I'd love for both of
you to come to a show

I'm a small part of.

It's set... ready?

In a community garden.

[LAUGHING]

And it is a wild ride.

I need to be alone.

I have too many thoughts in my head.

Polly.

Okay, I have good news,
and I have bad news.

What do you want to hear first?

The bad news.

Okay, the bad news is
new evidence came in,

and the defense is screwed.

What? That doesn't sound like bad news.

That sounds like good news.

It's our good news,
and it's their bad news.

Some incredible evidence just came in...

Hold on. This is so confusing.

Wait, why would you say it like that?

I don't know.

Go away and come back in
and do it the right way.

There you are, Polly.

I have some very, very good news.

CASSIDY: Okay, well...
this is incriminating.

This is just a coincidence.

A coincidence you
neglected to tell us about.

You know, maybe now is
a good time to plead guilty.

What?

We're not guilty.

So what we need to be doing
is poking holes in this thing.

We need to poke, poke, poke, all right?

And what about me? I want you to use me.

You know, how can I
help? I want to help.

Okay.

It would be very helpful
if you could please produce

the zebra-print suitcase
you bought in Montreal.

If, in fact,
you did not bury it in the woods.

That's the thing.

That, for the life of
me, I can't remember

What we did with that suitcase. [GROANS]

Drew, do you remember what
we did with that suitcase?

- Uh, no.
- I... Unfortunately,

I don't have any recollection
of that right now.

Of course not.

Well, if we're gonna start poking holes,

let's get our forks out.

Thank you, Bob.

[HORNS HONKING]

[BUTTONS BEEPING]

Come on.

[SIGHS]

You've had quite a day, huh?

Me?

Yeah. Hi.

[CHUCKLES] Oh.

Uh, it's you.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I guess I didn't know that, you know,

Jurors were allowed in the real world.

They can't stop a goblin like
me from doing whatever I want.

I'm Juror # , by the way,
but you can call me Colette.

Hi. I'm Drew.

Uh, we'll probably get in trouble

talking to each other, right?

You know, because
of all the legal stuff.

I mean, I'm sure I can't get in trouble

for helping you fix your buttons.

Be my guest.

Fix my buttons. Yeah.

It ate my quarters.
I think the machine's broken.

- But if you... wow.
- [BUTTON BEEPS]

- There.
- Okay.

Consider your buttons fixed.

[WHISPERING] Oh, my God,
this is so exciting!

Hmm.

[WHISPERING] Okay. Are you guys ready?

[WHISPERING] Why are we whispering?

Because it's a surprise party for Ruth,

and it's an important birthday.

I don't want to ruin the surprise!

- Okay, let's go.
- Let's go.

TOGETHER: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Ruth ♪

PORTIA: ♪ Ru-u-u-u-uth ♪

♪ Happy birthday ♪

♪ To-o-o-o-o yo-o-ou ♪

PETER: What?

Are you kidding me with that voice?

You are amazing.

You have a gift.

This... This is why God
brought her into our lives.

- You're so sweet.
- No.

Laney, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Yeeeees!

What?

♪♪

I think you're innocent.

What?

I think you're really innocent.

[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]

Awesome.

[MOANS]

[SOBBING]

- Elliott!
- No.

Elliott!

I-I thought about it,
and we're getting married,

and it is all for the best.

[MUFFLED] We don't have to get married.

You don't have to go
through this with me.

No. Baby, sweetie,
I've thought about it.

And the...
the guests have booked their travel,

the sponsors are in place.

And the best part...
Babe, the best part is that now

I actually know you.

I mean, I know who I'm marrying.

[LAUGHING] Who else gets to say that?!

Okay, well, if you're
excited, I'm excited.

I know who I'm marrying!

[DOOR SLAMS]

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Sometimes I lay in the shadow ♪

♪ Never knowing if morning will come ♪

♪♪

♪ You give me strength ♪

♪ You give me hope ♪

♪ You give me love ♪

♪ You give me life ♪

♪ You give me all of it at once ♪

♪ You give me strength ♪

♪ You give me hope ♪

♪ You give me love ♪

♪ You give me life ♪

♪ You give me all of it at o-o-o-once ♪

Oh, God, I'm a bad singer!

Guys, I'm sorry.
I haven't done that in so long.

Portia, that was incredible.
You have a gift.

I literally have chills.

Really?! Oh, my gosh!

Well, Peter, I could not have done it

Without such, like,
totally awesome lyrics.

Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

I'm... I'm always telling
people I love music, you know?

Yeah. Gay guys are
just always so talented

Regardless of whatever
their religion is.

Well, I'm not gay.

Mm-hmm.

Peter's my boyfriend.

Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

I'm so sorry. Of course you're not gay.

I'm not ga... I-I-I-I love gay people.

It's nothing against gay people.

We... We pray for
gay people all the time.

It's just, I'm... I'm
not gay, you kno...

- So it's just...
- So...

That was my bad. Should we run it again?

Just to clarify, the
footage from May th,

the night of the m*rder,
shows the defendants

in a Montreal hardware store

purchasing a zebra-print suitcase...

The same model that Keith
Powell was buried in...

And several shovels.

Is that correct?

- Yes, that's correct.
- Uh-huh.

SECURITY GUARD: As well as latex gloves,
bleach, and rope.

POLLY: Right.

So, Mr. Panagotopulous,
what do these two purchases say

About those two people
sitting right over there?

Makes me think they're some
sort of K*llers from Hell.

Your Honor, no further questions.

Mr. Papa-lapa-dopius... Panagotopulous.

Panagotopulous.

You seem like such an
expert on profiling people

based on what their purchases are.

Can I show you a receipt
from that same night?

Would you mind, um, reading the, uh...
items on that?

Circus peanuts candy,
blank MiniDisc tapes,

and... one zebra-print roller luggage.

[SPECTATORS MUTTER]

Ah?

That's right.

It's the same luggage
Keith Powell was buried in

that night.

Let's take a look at who bought that,
shall we?

No! No!

I told you, it's [SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

This guy looks like a maniac.

- Objection!
- Sustained.

No need for your commentary, Bob.

Mr. Cupa-topa-lus,
is it possible that this psychotic man

buying the same zebra-print
luggage that Keith Powell

was buried in

is, in fact,
the actual person who k*lled him,

put him in that luggage, and buried him?

I object to every aspect of
this line of questioning.

Sustained. Watch it, Bob.

I'm done. Thank you, Your Honor.

Thank you, Bak-a-lop-a-gus.

Judge, may I redirect?

Okay, so,
just to remind the jury of the facts,

did Dory Sief and Drew Gardner
buy a zebra-print suitcase

the night that authorities
say Keith Powell was m*rder*d?

Yes.

And has the defense
offered any explanation

about where their suitcase
is or why we haven't seen it?

Uh, I don't... I don't know.

Where's the suitcase, huh?

Where is it?

I'm... I'm sorry, what?

If the suitcase that Dory
Sief and Drew Gardner bought

Is not the one that Keith
Powell is buried in, where is

their suitcase, and
why haven't we seen it?

It's not a crime to forget
where you put a suitcase.

[SPECTATORS GASP]

[GAVEL BANGING]

Order! Order!

No more outbursts,
or you'll be held in contempt.

That's enough for today.

We'll reconvene after the weekend.

[GAVEL BANGS]

Okay, you need to chill out.

- Oh.
- [SCOFFS]

BOB: Hey, you guys.

Is there blood coming out of my face?

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

No.

Good.

- [POUNDING ON DOOR]
- [GASPS]

[BREATHES SHAKILY]

♪♪

♪♪

Hello?

♪♪

[DOOR KNOB TURNS]

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