01x24 - Sting of Queens - Part Two

[bunniefuu]

Previously on “Kevin Can Wait”...

Sergeant Mendez called me in.

He wants me to go back undercover.

Remember those guys selling
that counterfeit art?

Well, one of them's
been askin' about me,

so they need me to make an appearance.

I'm up for that promotion at work.

So it's... it's more money,
it's my own parking space.

Here's the offer...

Six figs, stock options,
piece of everything we develop,

plus... a signing bonus.

$ , ?!

All we gotta do is find the location

of where the deal's going
down and we're good.

- Let Cellucci take the lead.
- Cellucci?

You didn't tell me
Cellucci's on this case.

We gotta see Domingo again.

No, we can't.
We're going to Mets Fantasy Camp.

This weekend is our
biggest art show in Boston.

So it's settled.
You're coming tomorrow. Boston.

She kicked the table. I saw her kick...

Why would you do that?

[Doorbell rings]

- Hi!
- Vanessa, hi.

- Hi, honey.
- [Kisses]

I'm here to take your husband
away to a hotel for the weekend.

Oh. Good. Get him outta here.

- [Both laugh]
- Come on in.

Oy. Let me guess. He is not ready.

- No, of course not.
- Right. You know what?

Just pretending to be
his wife gives me agita.

How you do it for real? I do not know.

Well, you know, it's not easy,

but he does have some
redeeming qualities.

Mm.

Uh, anyway, I wanted to tell you,

I packed Breathe-Rite strips for him,
so make sure

he puts one on before
going to bed, okay?

- Ugh. He snores?
- No, he's got sleep apnea.

So it's more like he dies
and comes back to life

every seconds.

- It's fun.
- That's nice.

Also, if you want him to stay asleep,

put on something soothing,
but not rainforest noises

because, uh, the monkey sounds,
they really freak him out.

- Oh.
- Hi. You ready to do this?

Okay. We're going to a nice hotel,

and that's what you're wearing?

What? I'm going undercover.

This is what my character's wearing.

Well, you look like a guy

who's about to get whacked
on “The Sopranos.”

Yeah. Wait. No, no, no, no, no.

He looks like Missy Elliot.

- Yes! Yes!
- [Both laughing]

Yes!

[Mock laughing]

- Go change.
- That's a good one.

♪ I am not your ordinary guy ♪

[Horn honking in distance]

Oh, boy.

We got a problem.

All right, before you start complaining,

I will be the bigger person.

I will take the pull-out.
You can have the bed.

Cool.

Not even gonna fight me?

I thought I was gonna have to,
but you made it pretty easy.

Idiot.

What are you gonna do?
Write me up like you used to?

Okay. There it is.

I was waiting for the shoe to drop.

It was years ago.
You wanna get into it?

No. 'Cause I don't live in the past.

- I live in the present.
- Mm.

And I'm presently about
to get into this minibar!

Okay, hey.
You know that candy bar costs $ , right?

You heard Domingo in the lobby.
He was like...

"[Spanish accent]
“Enjoy yourselves”"

That's what I plan on doing.

- Put it back.
- What?

Put it... back.

- Do not open it. Don't...
- What...

Do not. Don't. Do... [Muttering]

- Don't do it. Don't do it.
- Hmm. Whoa.

- Don't open it. Don't...
- Oh...

[Chuckles] Thank you.

Okay, there he is. It's promotion time.

It's promotion time.

- Donna!
- Larry.

I wanted to talk to you

about the opening for
the head nurse position.

I would love to. Let's do it.

And by the way, you look great today.

That's a little doughnut there,
but lookin'... lookin' sharp.

[Chuckles]

Thing is, we went with Joanne.

Ah. [Clicks] Oh. Thank you.

I said we went with Joanne.

Jo...

Joanne?

Mm-hmm.

[Mouth full] She's got a great energy.

And she'd be a perfect
fit for the high school.

Perfect!

Great.

[Huffs]

[Gasps] I'm not gonna cry,
I'm not gonna cry,

I'm not gonna cry.

Should we key his car?

No.

Yumi, n...

Maybe.

Stand by.

Hey. How are things going in
the world of accounting, Dave?

- Couldn't be better.
- [Telephone rings in distance]

Uh, I believe the ping-pong
table just opened up.

Wanna give it a go?

No, I have some things to do at home.

[Whispers] Get out.

What?

[Normal voice] Oh. It's great.

- So much growth, it's stupid.
- [Chuckles]

[Whispering] Sinking ship.

We b*rned through all the cash.
Investors bailed.

[Normal voice] Anyway,
I'm gonna grab me a scone

and hit the road.

[Whispers] Seriously. Run.

Oh...

[Waves crashing]

Sleep tight, you big, dumb dope.

Domingo, I have to tell you,

our buyers would love this.

Our clients really respond to
sharp metal... th... things.

- It's all the rage in Europe.
- I'll... I'll bet.

So is that where you ship from? Europe?

Where's your husband?

Oh, he's... he's sleeping
off a rough night.

He got into it a little
too deep with the minibar.

- [Laughs]
- He has a problem with alcohol?

No. No, no, no, no, no. Mostly snacks.

- [Waves crashing]
- [Knock on door]

Woman: Housekeeping!

- [Waves crashing]
- Housekeeping?

At the beach?

- [Knocks]
- Housekeeping!

- [Waves continue]
- What?

"“Soothing Sounds of the Ocean”"

- [Turns wave sound off]
- Nice try, Cellucci.

But you gotta be a little
smarter than that to fool...

Crap! It's noon!

So everything is manufactured in Prague?

Yes.

Then we drop ship to various
locations here in the States.

In fact, we have a warehouse
right in the back.

What? Really?

- Yeah.
- Wow.

- Can I borrow you for a second?
- No worries.

- I'll be right back.
- Yes.

[Electronic dance music playing]

See, I think it reflects
man's inhumanity towards man

in a cruel world.

Plus, it looks like the
classroom got hit by a twister.

You know what I'm talkin' about...

toothache lady?

Got a lampshade dress.
She got a lampshade dress.

[Lowered voice] Can I talk to you?

Okay.

What the hell are you doing?

You thought your little ocean
sounds would keep me sleeping?

Well, it didn't work.

Well, it's : , so it kind of did work.

Just go back upstairs.
I can handle this.

No. No, no. You're
trying to get rid of me.

It's not gonna happen.
I will blow this case for you.

- No, you won't.
- I promise. I'll blow the whole sit...

- Just stop.
- Let me ask you a question.

- What?
- Who let that bird out?

- I have no idea what the...
- The bird, you know?

- [Makes clucking sounds]
- Stop it!

- [Clucking continues]
- Okay, okay...

- Stop right...
- Hey, everybody.

Big baby, you're back in it.

Here's where we're at.

Domingo told me there is a
warehouse in this building.

So now all we have to do

is get him to admit that
he's selling forgeries.

- And at that point...
- There he is!

- Domingo!
- Ah. I missed you, my friend.

Yeah, somebody smells
like cherry tobacco.

- Ah.
- [Laughs]

Domingo and I, we were
talking about his operation.

Mm.

The secret to my success? Come here.

[Lowered voice] It's all junk.

- You're selling forgeries?
- No, that would be illegal.

For instance,
this is called the “Eye of Zeus. ”

It's actually my nephew Stevie.

- I took it on an iPhone.
- [Laughs]

You zoom out, we're at Chuck E. Cheese.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I think some money just
walked into the room.

- Enjoy it.
- Sure, sure.

[Sighs]

So if they're not forgeries...

- Yes.
- They're not doing anything illegal.

I know.

[Sighs]

I can't believe this. I mean, I...

This was gonna be a big thing
for my career and now...

I'm just gonna... Gonna
look like an idiot.

That's a tough break.

Hey, listen, there's a p.m. flight.

I'm gonna make it to Mets Fantasy Camp.

- So if you don't mind...
- Yeah, no, of course. Please, go.

And on your way out,
make sure you grab another $ candy bar.

Like you haven't had enough junk today.

Wait a second.

What?

- That's it.
- What?

That's how they're making their money.

They don't make it on the hotel room.

They make it on the minibar, the junk.

That's what they're doing here!

That's it.
The warehouse you're talking about.

Follow me. Come on.

- Well, other way.
- Which way?

- No. Other way.
- Hang on...

It's still wrong. Okay.

Think about it.
They make this junk in Prague

and then they ship it to America?

Why spend all that
money? I'll tell you why.

'Cause it's not just
art they're shipping.

So narcotics.

Exactly. Look at this right here.

That's cocaine!

[Coughs]

[Strained voice] It's plaster.

[Coughing continues]

It got in deep.

You done?

- Yes, I'm done.
- Okay.

So much for your minibar theory, huh?

[Coughs] I'm not done.

I'm done.

- Wait a minute.
- [Rustling]

Wait a minute.

[Exhales deeply]

You know what?
I can't believe I'm saying this,

but you were right!

What did I tell you?
What did I tell you?

- What did I say?!
- [Gasps]

We cracked the case!

This is unbelievable.
Should we, like, shake hands

- or bump fists or...
- All right, let's just high-five.

- [Cellphone rings]
- Yes. Yeah.

- My phone.
- [Ring]

Oh, it's Donna. Hey, babe.

Hey, did you get my messages?

I've been trying to reach
you since yesterday.

Yeah, listen.
Sorry, it's just been crazy around here.

Honey, you're not gonna believe this,

but that little weasel Anderson...

He picked Joanne over me.

He said she had a great energy.

Well, you know what?
I'd have a great energy, too,

if I was whacked out on
Adderall all the time.

That's right. I said it.

Babe, I'm sorry. That's horrible.

But I-I-I gotta cut you off.

I'm... I'm standing here in the middle

of a warehouse full of dr*gs, and, uh...

What? Wait, are you okay?

Oh, no, no, I'm fine.
I mean, I'm great, actually.

I mean, my juices are flowing.

It's like I'm seeing things
before they even happen.

It's almost like...
it's almost like I never left the force.

Oh... wait, honey, are you...

Are you thinking about
going back on the job?

[Whispers] It's happening!

It is?

You treat all your buyers this way?

You're not a buyer, you're a cop.

- My apartment was bugged.
- What?

We looked.
We even checked that stupid giraffe!

Which, by the way, my husband broke.

That was not me.

[Mouths word]

It wasn't in the giraffe.

It was in the gold toad next to it.

Everyone always checks the giraffe.

- [Cellphone chiming]
- Sorry.

- Domingo: Hello?
- [Mouths words]

Maritza, we'll get the dr*gs.

[Mouths words]

We'll load
'em up in the van and we're out of here.

Yeah.

[Chain creaking]

You have the right to remain silent.

[Thud]

We can do this the easy
way or the hard way.

[Thud, creaking]

Okay, that's the wrong angle.

It's throbbing, but I gotta say,
my back feels great.

Why is it that every
time I'm around you,

my life goes into the toilet?

You wanna write me up again?

Well, you know what?
You can't, 'cause I'm retired.

So there.

Okay, all right, could
you just figure out

- how to get us out of this?
- You know what?

I'll just do a sit-up and unhook myself.

I saw it in a movie once.

[Shouts gibberish]

[Continues shouting gibberish]

[Shouts gibberish]

[Shouts gibberish]

[Shouts gibberish]

[Continues shouting gibberish]

[Breathing heavily]

[Shouts gibberish]

[Shouts gibberish]

[Gulps]

[Shouts high-pitched gibberish]

Yeah. I really thought
that was gonna work.

Hold on.

- Hello.
- Hello.

You know, Yumi, I slept on it,

and I thought I could keep it classy,
you know,

and not say anything.

But then I look at his fat,
little monkey face

and I just... I can't do it.

I can't do it.

Um, Vice Principal Anderson,

can I talk to you for a moment, please?

So, for too long,
you have taken advantage of my hard work

and my dedication to this school.

And it's just... It's gotta stop.

Donna,
maybe we should just go into my office

and talk about this because this is...

Oh, this is what?
[Loudly] Is this embarrassing?

Oh! No.

You know what? No. We're gonna
do it right here and right now.

Because I've been at this
school for years, okay?

And Joanne over there,
who got my promotion,

- by the way, has been here for six.
- Donna!

No, you take my name out of your mouth,
Larry.

Because you're the problem here.

Who else agrees that he should be fired?

Huh?!

Raise 'em high. Raise 'em...

No one.

Okay. That's fine.
I'll be alone on this.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

My husband's going back
on the police force.

And my son-in-law has got a great job.

And I don't need this.

- I quit.
- Donna, don't do anything...

No, save it, Larry. Nurse Gable out.

Would you hurry up?

I'm moving as fast as I can, all right?

I still don't have
blood in % of my body.

[Grunts] All right,
you wanna know why I wrote you up?

Yeah,
we're about to be k*lled by a drug lord,

but let's get closure on
something that happened

back in .

It's because of what
happened on News .

What are you talkin' about?

You remember the fire
at the mattress factory?

You and me were doing crowd control,

and the news wanted to
talk to us and you said...

[Imitating Kevin] “Well,
if you really wanna know

about traffic around a mattress,
talk to this one. ”

[Laughing]

That was classic. [Speaks indistinctly]

Well, it was the last thing

my father ever saw before he d*ed.

Really?

But I...

I had no idea. I'm... I'm sorry.

Well, he's not dead. He lives in Boca.

But...

The point is

that people made fun
of me because of you.

Look, we were just treating
you like one of the guys

'cause that's what you wanted.

No, I know. And I was fine with that.

Just not on TV.

For two years, they called me Bed,
Bath, & Cellucci.

[Laughs] That's... that's...

That's not cool. That's
not cool. I get you.

[Scoffs] Okay.

What do we do now?

Look, I think we just keep talking

and slowly rebuild
trust again, you know?

I'm talking about the situation, idiot!

Okay, I'm gonna get back
on those crates, all right?

When Domingo comes in,

you lure him right into
this area right here.

I am gonna swing down and take him out.

Now listen to me.

It's imperative that
he's right here, okay?

'Cause this is the apex
of the golf swing, okay?

It's right here is where I clock him.

So that's your plan? A do-over?

Think about it. He'll
never see it coming.

- Who would ever do that twice?
- Right, because it's stupid!

You know what?

You're not gonna fix yourself
by breaking someone else.

Okay, here she comes.

- All right.
- Ooh!

Playtime's over. I've
had enough of you two.

Actually, I've had enough of you.

FBI.

- FBI?
- Oh...

- Maritza?
- Yes.

Oh, yeah. What's the matter?
Oh, you didn't know, guy?

Come on, it's pretty obvious.
Back from the diner we knew.

- Shut up!
- Yes, sir.

Fred and Wilma are safe.

Move it! Move it.

I got it from here, guys.

Did that skank just
call us Fred and Wilma?

I think she did.

Oh.

Kendra, I-I thought I heard you leave.

Oh, no. That was my mom.

But what are you doing here?
Aren't you going to work?

Of course.

I do work.

I'm going now.

Aren't you gonna change?

Oh. [Chuckles] Yes.

I change for work.

Okay, well,
go get dressed and I'll drive you.

Babe, look at us.

You know, you've got a great job,

and I'm going to Columbia.

It's all happening.

I know, I know. It really is.

Whoo-hoo-hoo.

Okay.

It's only eight hours
until she picks me up.

Hey, I gotta say, really,
really nice job out there.

You know, this was a good bust for you.

Just for the record,
I'm sorry about the whole

mattress-on-the-news thing.

Thanks.

It was a good bust for both of us.

And since we're apologizing,

I am sorry for writing you up.

I appreciate you saying that...

Officer Memory Foam.

Yeah, and by the way,

you had food on your
shirt the whole time.

Yeah, that was... That
was to steal focus

from the amount of
eye makeup you had on.

You were like...
[Smacking lips] “Hey!

[Smacking lips] “Whoa,
oh! I thought...

Whoa. Whoa.”

Okay.

You know what you should do?
You should try to get a job

sweating professionally,
because you do it really well.

Yeah, I...

I might do that. I might just do that.

- Hey!
- Hey!

- Hey!
- [Cheering]

- Aw!
- Dad, we saw you on the news!

- They're saying you're a hero!
- Oh, come on.

First of all, the term “hero"
is thrown around too often.

But in this case, they
threw a tight spiral

'cause it's so true!

- It's so true!
- Ah! Mwah!

I was crushing it out there!

- I mean, I was unstoppable.
- Yeah.

Ah. So, kids, you know, it looks like

your dad's going back on the force.

But that doesn't mean he's
not gonna have plenty of time

for you guys to...

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What?

Who said that?

You did. You said, “It's happening.”

- Yeah.
- When?

When we talked on the phone.

I said, “Danger is
happening” I was happening.

- Oh...
- I... Are you kidding me?

I-I love being retired.
This is awesome, by the way.

Oh.

- Oh.
- What?

I kind of... quit my job.

What... what do you mean?

I told you. I got passed
over for the promotion, so...

Are you saying that neither
one of us have a job right now?

Honey, honestly, what are we gonna do?

We are the Gables, all right?

We've survived much worse than this.

Let's not forget Chale
has an amazing job now.

That's a good point.
You know what, Chale?

Uh... First of all, I don't
think I say it enough,

if ever, um...

but I'm proud of you, man.

You... you're a good man.

Uh... [Chuckles nervously]

Thank you, Mr. Gable.

No, no, e...

Enough of that. It's... it's Kevin.

[Exhales]

Funny story, Kevin... [Clears throat]