04x01 - The Girl in the Basement

[bunniefuu]

[UNSETTLING MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[SINGING ALONG] ♪
Groove is in the heart ♪

♪ Groove is in the heart ♪

♪ Groove... ♪

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Hi, sweetie.

Can I ask you a question?

There used to be this candy
bar that had a big hole in it.

It was like long and thin

but thick enough for there
to be a stable hole in it.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

sh**t.

I have been on the hunt for it for years.

Mm.

[WHIMPERS, PANTING]

♪ ♪

[GASPING]

[YELLING]

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMING]

♪ Oh, but dear ♪

♪ The sky is low, watch ♪

♪ Fluent sea men ♪

♪ Rig their rudders so they'll... ♪

Little extra security

for the girl who can
get out of her suitcase.

Are you the... the twink?

From the wedding?

[CHUCKLES]

Mm.

Yes, I suppose I am.

But you can call me Chip.

[FOREBODING MUSIC]

Wow. [CHUCKLES]

I can't believe it.

You're right here with me.

[CRYING]

I'm sorry, but it's emotional.

What is?

You did it!

You b*at those bastards!

You showed them you're innocent!

You're no idiot. You're no whore.

And now? [SIGHS]

Now we can just breathe.

[EXHALES]

What do you mean?

Dory...

♪ ♪

Don't you see?

[LAUGHS] We're best friends!

We have so much in common!

The first time I saw you on the TV,

I was like...

"Whoa. Okay. What is it about that girl?"

And then I realized...

We have the same lips.

Isn't that spooky?

If it's spooky, say it's spooky!

- It's spooky!
- I know, right?

Oh, I know.

I know, it's... it's a lot.

You're just catching up to this.

It took me a second too.

But all you need to see...

Is that you and me...

we're the victims.

People want to burn us to the ground

because they think we're sick.

But guess what?

We're bigger than that talk!

And you proved it!

I'm so proud of you!

I'm so proud of you.

I'm proud of us!

Mm.

[VOICE BREAKING] Is... is my head shaved?

Oh.

Yes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. [DORY SOBS]

I... I... I needed your hair

to make my Dory doll's hair more authentic.

I was cutting it, and then it was uneven.

I got carried away, and I just messed up.

But you look surprisingly great!

I think we should keep this look for you.

- [CRYING]
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

[INHALES]

I know.

You have been through so much.

And imagine if they had found you guilty.

You would be in jail right now.

But you told the truth,
and the truth set you free.

♪ ♪

And now you're here, and you're safe.

With me.

What do you want from me?

Friendship.

- [BOTTLES CLINK]
- Hi, Innocent Dor Dor!

Oh, my gosh! We're so excited for tonight.

Ell and I just got drinkies.
Please return my texts.

I don't know why you're
not texting me back.

Um, the thing is, we need to know

if you have enough little plastic cups

because we didn't get
any, and I don't think

we're gonna pass any
little plastic cup stores

on the way, so just let me know.

Yay, Happy You're Not Guilty Party!
Love you!

Honestly,
why isn't it easier to find decorations

that celebrate being acquitted?

- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.

Do people not do this? Like, is this tacky?

Or do you think it'd be
tackier if we didn't do this?

Like, throw a party.

You know what? I'm sick of caring

what people think about me.

Like, if we want to commemorate

our immunity as privileged
and manipulative capitalists,

then we should be able to
party however we want to.

- Yes! Absolutely.
- Sorry.

I just want to dance!

Are you gonna keep me here?

Forever?

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.

No.

No, of course, you get to go home.

[FOREBODING MUSIC]

I just need you to do...

one thing for me first. Okay?

What is that?

I need you...

just read... to read that

into the camera, okay?

O-okay.

Um...

Whenever, uh, you're ready.

"So you wanna know the truth?

Well, this is the truth."

Stop!

Stop. I can tell you're faking it.

I need you to feel it.

Okay? Because I know you do.

And if I do a good job, I get to go home?

Yes.

[WHISPERS] Okay.

[EXHALES]

"So you wanna know the truth?"

"Well, this is the truth."

"Chip is my best friend."

"Together, we can do just about anything."

"And if you can't handle that

Then get a life."

Anything else?

That's it. [LAUGHS]

Could I have a glass of water, please?

Oh, yes, yes.

Hmm.

[EXHALES]

So I get to go home now?

Yeah.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

[WHIMPERS SOFTLY]

[GROANS]

I just don't understand why you're upset.

I mean,
aren't you happy they found her innocent?

Yes, I don't want any of my friends

to go to prison for m*rder.
You know what I mean?

Like, I'm not that kind of person.

- Me neither.
- But I'm just saying,

as an actor,

I know what it's like to have the audience

in the palm of your hand,
and I just feel like, you know,

at the end,
she basically had that courtroom, like,

giving her a standing ovation.
It was like...

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, wait. Wait a second.

What are you saying?
Are you saying you're jealous

- of Dory's closing statement?
- No!

I am just saying,
I think it's selfish of her,

considering I'm the actor
of the friend group.

Okay, so what was she supposed to do?

Let you make her closing statement?

I'm not saying that,
Elliott, but if I were,

I don't think there'd be
anything wrong with that.

Portia, Dory's crazy, okay?

She wasn't "acting"
up there, she was lying.

God! Why can't I have a little crazy?

I wanna be crazy!

[DOOR BUZZER RINGING]

[RINGING FADES]

[GROANS]

[EERIE AMBIENT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[GROANS]

[SIGHS]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[YELLS] Hello? Hello?

[SOBBING]

[WHIMPERING]

What is this?

What is my life now?

[SCREAMS]

[BELL DINGS] [MUSIC STOPS]

[LOCK CLICKING]

[DOOR CREAKS, LOCK CLICKS]

- [LATCH OPENS]
- Breaded chicken niblets,

air-fried in peanut oil,

with mashed potatoes
crowned in white gravy,

just for you.

I saw you order that once

when I used to follow
you around all the time,

and you just ate it up.

But anyway, relax, enjoy, rest.

Okay? You have a lot to think about.

W-w-wait, wait! Wait!

Uh...

You said that I could go home.

This is your home, Dory.

This is a better version of your life.

Okay? Because in here,

you can thrive, and you can grow, okay?

And in here,
there's no chance of you being tempted

to go back to those awful, awful people.

- What people?
- Drew!

Portia! Elliott!

Dory,
you've been associating with unwell people.

Losers. Idiots. Okay?

They're mentally ill.

Well...

you could just let me leave.

You know? I-I-I don't have
to go back to them. [LAUGHS]

I... I'll go wherever you want me to go!

Dory! No!

You don't get it.

Let me try to explain something to you.

I have a PhD in psychology
from a top-tier school.

It's not Ivy, but it might as well be.

And you have formed what we call

a maladaptive codependency
with these people.

You have enabled them for far too long,
okay?

They don't respect you!

They mock you! They testify against you!

Hello! Friends?

What kind of friends are that?

So you see, I just can't take a chance

on you repeating the pattern
of going back to the people

who hurt you the most, time and time again.

You understand?

Please.

Please.

Please, just... just let me go.

Mm.

This is a better version of your home.

Better version of your life.

And I'm a better version of your friends.

I'm your best friend.

[EXHALES]

You said it yourself.

And I have it on tape. [CHUCKLES]

Wait!

[SOBBING] Wait, please, please!

Please let me go, please!

[BEEPING]

[BUZZER SOUNDS] [METALLIC RATTLING]

[METAL GROANING]

It wasn't so bad after all, right?

- Best meal we've had here.
- Pretty good.

Right. Brazilian's not bad.

- You know what?
- Empanada!

Come on!
You're supposed to be in a cheery mood.

Can you please put your phone away?

I'll be cheery when I
get on the damn plane.

- Drew, put your phone away.
- Hi.

- Drew!
- Yeah, well, Portia,

I know that you've been texting me, okay,

and I'm sorry, but it's just...

I really, really, really

don't want to see Dory right now,

so please, do not make me come down there.

I totally get it, but the thing is,

she's not returning any of
our texts and calls, okay?

And all these, like, people are showing up,

and it's, like, total chaos,
and everybody's freaking out.

And we have no way to
get into the apartment...

both: ♪ Happy Not Guilty to you... ♪

all: ♪ Happy Not Guilty to you! ♪

Uh, yeah, okay,
can't you just wait in a bodega

or something, Portia?

No, Drewbie, please!

Get off the phone! Get off the phone!

- Okay, yeah, I'll be there.
Fine. I'll be there.

All: ♪ To you... ♪

- [LAUGHS] Hey!
- Don't you love it?

He hates it.

[BEEPING]

[BUZZER SOUNDS] [METALLIC RATTLING]

[METAL GROANING] [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[METALLIC CLANG]

Oh, just gonna take the plate from you.

Ow!

[DORY GRUNTING] Ah! Stop!

Stop it! Ah!

[SCREAMS]

Make it stop! Stop it!

Stop it! Stop!

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

- [CHIP GRUNTS]
- [SCREAMS]

[GRUNTING]

- Ow!
- I'm out of here!

Ow! Why?

[CHIP GROANING]

[GROWLING]

Ow!

Ha!

♪ ♪

You're gonna need more
than your body weight

to get past the door.

Home Sweet Home had a
little sale on steel doors,

so, uh... you're gonna need the code.

What's the code?

- What's the code?
- Okay!

[LAUGHS] Okay, fine!

It's seven... [KEYPAD BEEPS]

nine... [KEYPAD BEEPS]

three... [KEYPAD BEEPS]

three... [KEYPAD BEEPS]

Are... you... kidding me...

you-are-down-here for-your-safety.

- [LAUGHS]
- [YELLS]

[PANTING]

[KEYPAD BEEPING]

[BUZZER SOUNDS] [SOBS]

[KEYPAD BEEPING]

Excuse me.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- Drewbie!
- Hi! Oh...

Oh, my God. Thank
you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you so much. We've gotten so cold.

This is more than a few friends

and their partners.

Well, invites get really complicated

when you're trying to, you know,

include everyone.

Can someone help me?

[LOCK CLICKING]

Drewbie, Drewbie, I can't feel my hands.

I can't feel my hands!
I can't feel my hands!

Okay!

All right, guys, um, have a nice time.

Just take out the trash when you're done.

I'm gonna go to my parents' hotel.

Drewbie, come on! Seriously!

This party's, like, for you and Dory!

If she doesn't show up, who is it even for?

Uh, Drew?

There's a letter for you. It's from Dory.

- What?
- From Dory.

- Wait, what?
- Please read it.

She had time to write a letter,
and she won't even, like,

return any of my phone calls?

"Dear Drew, there's
no easy way to say this,

"so I'm just going to rip off the Band-Aid

"and make it as painless
as possible for both of us.

I'm breaking up with you."

I'm breaking up with you!

She's breaking up with me? I'm sorry.

She's acting like she thinks that I think

- that we're together.
- That's crazy.

Does she think that I
think that we're together?

- Because I do not!
- Absolutely insane.

This is bullshit!
I did not say... why would I...

Please keep reading the letter, though,

'cause I wanna...

"I need to take some time for myself."

[SCOFFS]

"I have done everything you and the g*ng

have asked of me and more."

Okay, "the g*ng"? She's gone full boomer.

I'm sorry,
there's no bottle opener in this house,

- and I paid $ for this party.
- What is going on?

"Now it's time for me

to finally put my own needs first."

- "Finally."
- "I'm taking a trip

to Europe to start fresh."

- [SCOFFS]
- "Please don't reach out."

"I don't know when I will be returning,
if ever.

Please do whatever you deem
necessary with my items."

So I'm supposed to take
care of all of her sh*t!

Oh, my God.

"I need to focus on me

"and my favorite foods and my future.

"Please tell the g*ng if they
want to try and reach out,

- "I will not respond."
- Uh!

"I am finally creating a space for people

"and relationships who
really love and care for me

"the way I need to be loved and cared for.

No longer yours, Dory."

- This is bullshit.
- That is bullshit!

- This is bullshit!
- I'm so mad!

Yeah! Let's trash this place!

[CHEERING] [DISHES SHATTERING]

Oh, God.

[KEYPAD BEEPING]

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

[KEYPAD BEEPS] [BUZZER SOUNDS]

[KEYPAD BEEPING RAPIDLY]

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

A part of me just wants to tell her

that I f*cked a juror.

You can't break up with me...
when we're not together!

At this point, it's just, like,

you have to understand
she's just too far gone.

- Yeah.
- You know what I mean?

Do you know what I mean, though?

- Yes, Portia.
- Because it's, like,

she's just walking around the world

just going... [CLICKS TONGUE]

"I'm Dory! Like, I got away with m*rder.

"Hey, look at me. I can get away

with everything in the world now."

Here's my thing.

Some people just can't handle fame.

Okay, Chip.

[TENSE MUSIC]

I give up.

I'm tired, and I want to sleep, so...

you win.

Oh, Dory.

It's not like that.

Okay? We are on the same team.

When I win, you win.

♪ ♪

Okay, I'm gonna open the door now.

I'm so sorry.

I was just really scared.

Can I just have a hug?

[TENSE MUSIC BUILDING]

- [DORY GRUNTS]
- Oh. Oh!

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

Come on. Come on!

[CHIP GRUNTING]

[CHOKING]

Tell me the code, or I will jam this pen

in your throat,
and you will bleed out and die,

and I swear to God,
I'm not afraid to do it.

Tell me the code!

No.

Okay!

I'm gonna k*ll you, then.

Well, that's just not a very good plan.

If you k*ll me,
then you'll just be stuck down here

with my dead body.

Then you'll starve to death and die too.

Yeah, try...
you can't get out of here without me.

Put in the code, Chip.

Or I will shove this pen

so deep down your throat

that you will bleed out all over the floor,

and it'll be excruciatingly painful.

Put in the code!

Come on!

Chip... [CHIP EXHALES]

I am a survivor.

I will get out of this place.

Whether it's now or later.

Because as it turns out...

I'm not afraid to hurt
people to get what I want.

I think you're just being
a little hard on yourself.

You have three seconds!

Three...

Two!

One!

It really is just not thought out, Dory.

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

Aw.

[PANTING]

My pen.

I feel so taken advantage of.
Do you know what I mean?

- Yes.
- Course I know what you mean.

- Look at me.
- It's like, "Thanks."

I just, like... I just threw, like,

a congratulations on you...

"you're not guilty for m*rder" party

for someone that I do
specifically know is guilty.

I just wish that...

things were, like,
simple and straightforward.

It's like, how did all this chaos happen?

I don't know. I f*cking know don't.

I mean, I used to be a good boy, like...

- I ate all my vegetables...
- You're a good boy.

And, like, I shared them like crazy!

It's, like...

Why can't I be happy?

I just, like, wanna go to a happy place.

You know, reading that Dory letter

from before when we were over there?

Yeah. Yes.

I was like, "I have to look within."

And I was like, like,
"I don't want to be that."

- Yeah.
- I don't wanna hide

- from America.
- Yes.

And if I'm gonna do this
Charlie Reenie show,

I wanna do it right, you know what I mean?

- Yes.
- I wanna have

real conversations that heal this country,

that heal this sick nation.

You know what I mean? And you guys have to

- hold me accountable for that.
- Yes. We will.

You guys have to hold me accountable.

- Hold me accountable.
- We're friends, you idiot.

Hold me accountable.

You promise to hold me accountable?

You know what I'm gonna do right now?

- What?
- Mm?

Instead of talking sh*t about Dory...

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

I'm gonna call her right now.

- Yes!
- [GIGGLES] Oh, my God.

- Yes! Yes!
- And I'm gonna tell her...

I'm gonna tell her exactly
how I feel about her.

f*ck yes, Elliot. f*ck yes, f*ck yes.

- Shh.
- This is such a good idea.

[WHISPERING] She's a bitch.
She's a bitch. She's a bitch.

Hi, this is Dory.

Uh, sorry I couldn't get to the phone.

Uh, leave a message. Thanks.

Oh, hi, Dory, yeah.

It's Elliott.

I just want to tell you
that I'm really unhappy

with you right now.

The way that you're treating your friends,

nay, "the g*ng"...

Is unacceptable.

Quite frankly, you're an assh*le,

and I've never been treated
so poorly in my life

by someone that I used to consider

one of my best friends.

- Goodbye.
- Dory!

It's Portia.

I'm so mad at you!

You... you ruined my life!

You are mean! You are a bad friend!

And you should feel bad
because you're the ugly friend!

And I'm the pretty friend, and...

Dory, it's Drew.

Honestly, it is so f*cked up

the way that you treated
me and everyone else.

It's, like, I'm sorry if this is too much

for you to hear right now,
but I am so angry at you!

♪ Allow me... ♪

Dory, you're a mean, bad monster!

And a loser!

You're a poster child for failing upwards!

I hope that horrible,
mean things happen to you,

and honestly, that is how I feel.

Tell her, Drew!

You tell her how we all feel!

Dory Sief...

you deserve terrible, horrible things.

♪ To destroy you... ♪

I think that's a good note to end on.

[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC]

♪ Allow me ♪

♪ To enjoy you, my love ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Allow me ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Allow me ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Allow me ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Allow me ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Allow me ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Allow me ♪

♪ ♪

[COUGHS]