♪ Come and listen to my
story about a man named Jed ♪
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
♪ And then one day, he
was sh**ting at some food ♪
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubbling crude ♪
♪ Oil, that is ♪
♪ Black gold ♪
♪ Texas tea ♪
♪ Well, the first thing you
know, old Jed's a millionaire ♪
♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪
♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪
♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪
♪ Hills, that is ♪
♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪
Oh, Milburn, these charity
affairs are so thrilling.
Expensive, too.
- All the best people are here.
- Mm.
Everyone they
could put the bite on.
Oh, there are the Gaylord
Depews from Pasadena.
Yoo-hoo! Rosemary!
Isn't she a mess?
Margaret, the race is starting.
Quick, Milburn, let
me have the binoculars.
- This is terrible.
- What? What?
We're giving a
party after the race,
and Evelyn and Gladys are
wearing identical dresses.
I'll have Mr. Drysdale
call the moment he returns.
Oh, uh, before you hang up,
could I speak to Jethro, please?
Well, he ain't here right now.
He's out giving Granny
another driving lesson.
Yeah, she likes to be able to
get around on her own, so she...
Hey, Pa! I think you
better come quick.
Granny's headed
up the front lawn...
Call you back, Miss Jane.
That's Granny's
driving, all right.
Granny, are you hurt?
No, I'm all right!
Get me... Elly, get... out.
And you call yourself
a drivin' teacher!
Not no more. I'm through.
I done give my
last drivin' lesson.
Uncle Jed, she's getting
worse instead of better.
Where'd you hit the tree?
Out in front of the Drysdale's.
It's your fault!
You told me to turn around.
So I turned around.
That's when we
whomped into the tree.
Granny, I meant
turn the car around.
She was starting
up a one-way street.
You shouldn't have yelled at me
with all them cars
heading right for us!
I'm through risking my
life with them contraptions.
Too many people in
the street driving around
- that have no business!
- That's the truth.
Jethro, you need any help
getting the truck out of here?
Shucks, no, Uncle Jed,
there's only one end to lift.
You want Jethro and me to take
this tree over to the Drysdale's
- and set it back into the ground?
- Yeah.
Now would be a
good time to do it, too,
whilst they're still at the
park looking at the horses.
Horses?
Jed, did you say the
Drysdales buying a horse?
Well, Miss Jane didn't say
nothing about 'em buying one.
She just said they was going
out to look at some trotters.
By dingies, that's what I need:
a high-stepping trotter
and a shiny buggy.
Uh, it would b*at
trying to drive that truck.
I don't recall ever seeing
a buggy in Beverly Hills.
Maybe they's gonna
make a comeback.
Could be.
I been hearing a lot about
there being too many automobiles
and how they's causing
smog and traffic jams.
And accidents.
I seen three of 'em,
just while I was driving.
Is that a fact?
I was in two of 'em.
Well, it would be a lot safer
driving a horse and buggy.
Two heads is always
better than one,
especially when one
belongs to a horse.
I just bet they're gonna
come back in style.
- That's why Mrs. Drysdale's buying one.
- Now hold on.
Miss Jane didn't say
they was buying one.
I know Mrs. Drysdale.
She's always got to be
the first in the neighborhood.
Where'd Miss Jane
say they was going?
Someplace called,
uh, Hollywood Park.
That sounds just like the spot
where they'd have a
barbecue and a horse auction.
Let's go.
Now hold on,
Granny. We don't know
if they's having
a horse auction.
Miss Jane said it's
Society Day out there,
and we sure don't want
to get mixed up in that.
Oh, Jed, I'd feel so grand
driving around Beverly Hills
in a nice shiny buggy
with yeller wheels
and black leather seats
and a red fringe on the top...
Whoa, whoa, Granny.
Let me call Miss Jane and
see can we get the horse
before you start
fitting out the buggy.
I want a high stepper
with a long, silky mane,
with lots of spirit,
a real prancer!
Come on, Princess
Grace! Come on!
Margaret, Margaret, look
at... look at Princess Grace.
I'm trying to locate her.
What is she wearing?
- Shoes and a halter.
- What?!
On the track! She
just won the race!
Oh, you mean a horse.
Yeah.
- Chief, Mrs. Drysdale.
- Miss Hathaway.
What are you doing here?
Something wrong at the bank?
No, Chief, but
Mr. Clampett called...
- Something wrong with the Clampetts?
- N-No, no, Chief.
Then what are you doing
at the racetrack on my time?!
The nature of
Mr. Clampett's call was such
that I felt justified
in coming here.
Uh, it seems that
Granny is most...
If you two are going to
discuss those revolting hillbillies,
I'm going to the Turf Club,
where the conversation
is on a higher level.
What is it? What
about the Clampetts?
Well, it seems...
the Clampetts want
to buy a trotting horse.
What?
Apparently your being here
today gave them the idea.
Oh, I knew I
shouldn't have come.
That wife of mine's to blame.
Now, wait, Chief. The
idea has some merit.
Are you off your rocker?!
Those horses cost a fortune.
The idea is to keep their
money in my bank, not spend it.
- B-But hear me out...
- I'll throw you out!
Now you go back there
and change their minds!
And dock yourself for
all the time you've wasted.
Chief, Chief, please.
Listen to my
thoughts on the matter.
Sorry.
Actually, th-the Clampetts
purchasing a racehorse
may have many advantages,
both financial and otherwise.
You're raving!
First of all, it is a
capital investment,
subject to depreciation and
capital gain and loss taxes.
Really?
Yes.
Secondly, it ties in with
their-their love of animals,
uh, their desire
to own livestock.
Yeah.
And it could erase the thr*at
of their moving
back to the country.
How?
Well, an occasional
visit to the stables
might very well satisfy
their urge for the rural life.
Yeah.
And you're sure of
the tax advantages, eh?
I checked with our
expert at the bank.
And, in addition to all this,
it is just possible that
their horse might win
a vast amount of money.
Terrific! Terrific!
Oh, by George, this is one
of the best ideas I've ever had.
Congratulations, Chief.
Just doing my job.
Well, let's go
down to the stables
and buy the most
beautiful horse we can find.
Oh, perhaps the Clampetts
would like to pick it out themselves.
No, no. I don't want them
to change their minds.
I want them to see
that horse this afternoon
and fall in love with it.
Meantime, you make
arrangements for boarding it.
- Right, Chief.
- Oh, by the way,
about your coming here, I...
I'm sorry that I yelled at you.
In fact, I think you
deserve a reward.
- Really?
- Yes.
Just forget about
docking yourself.
- Gee, thank you.
- Oh, it's nothing.
How soon do you want me
to come back for you, Doc?
Oh, half an hour, 45 minutes.
Mr. Drysdale said
to give Mr. Clampett
a good look at Lady Belle.
Then we'll take her to
the boarding stables.
Howdy.
What you got in there?
$30,000 worth of horseflesh.
Hot dog! We's gonna eat tonight.
Say, fellas, there's
a live horse in here.
Beauty, too.
Yes, she's one of the
finest in the country.
Big money winner
at Hollywood Park.
Is that so? I won some
money at a park once.
sh**t' them little
ducks as they go along.
How did she win?
Guessing people's weight.
Gee, that's a smart horse.
You're not
Mr. Clampett, are you?
No, sir, he's my uncle.
Would you tell him
his horse is here?
Is this my Uncle Jed's horse?
Yeah, Mr. Drysdale
arranged the purchase.
Boy, wait till Elly
hears about this.
She's been wantin' a zebra,
but this is pert
near as good, yeah.
How come he's
running around loose?
Maybe they're cleaning his cage.
Uncle Jed! Uncle Jed!
- Uncle Jed.
- What is it, boy?
- Your horse is here.
- Horse?
What horse?
The one from Hollywood
Park, the smart one.
It's out front right now.
I'll go find Elly.
Jed, you sweet old rascal.
You wanted to surprise me.
- No, Granny, I, uh...
- Yes, you did,
and you're the nicest
son-in-law a woman ever had.
- And I'm gonna kiss you.
- Well, honest, it, uh,
- must've been Miss Jane.
- You know how I like surprises.
- Well, no, Granny, I...
- I love you, Jed,
- you darlin' man.
- But, you see, I didn't...
Are you gonna let me
kiss you or ain't you?!
Granny, I...
You wanted to
surprise me, didn't you?
Yeah, now let's go out
and look at the horse.
Hey, mister, whose horse?
She belongs to
Mr. J.D. Clampett.
Pa bought a horse?
Boy, she's a beauty.
- Howdy, girl.
- Careful now. She's skittish.
No, she ain't.
We's gonna be friends, ain't we?
I'll give you carrots
and sugar lumps.
You certainly have
a way with horses.
I like critters.
I've never seen Lady Belle take
to anyone like she has to you.
Oh, Jed.
She's a dandy!
Her name's Lady Belle, Granny.
Pa, thank you for gettin' her.
Sure am getting a lot of
kissing that ain't rightfully mine.
Good chest on her.
- Uh, Mr. Clampett?
- Yes, sir.
I'm Doc Pritchett,
Lady Belle's handler.
Oh, pleased to meet
you. Mighty fine animal.
Oh, thank you.
I, uh, have some papers
here that have to be signed.
- Well, come on in the house.
- All right.
We's all kind of
surprised by this.
Mr. Drysdale made
all the arrangements.
Got yourself a mighty
fine trotter there.
Yes, sir.
Let's see your teeth, honey.
That's how you
tell their age, Elly.
I know.
Open wide, Lady.
Oh, my, she's in fine prime.
She must've cost
a passel of money.
Probably.
Horse like that
could cost $40 or $50.
She's a beauty.
Yeah. I like her fine.
But between us, I don't
care much about this buggy.
Well, maybe it's
a city style buggy.
City or country, there's got
to be a place for the reins.
This thing must weigh a ton.
Take a plow horse to pull it.
Well, it's got rubber
tires and nice windows.
I still don't know
how you drive it.
There ain't no place
to set down in here.
You know what I'd do
if this thing was mine?
I'd let the horse ride in it.
Well, thank you very
much, Mr. Clampett.
That's all right.
Come on, Pa, I'll
show you her teeth.
Well, uh, Mr. Clampett tells me
that Lady Belle is
gonna be your horse.
- What do you think of her?
- She's fine.
But I don't see how she pulls
that heavy contraption around.
Oh, she doesn't.
She's a sulky horse.
I don't blame her.
Hmm?
Where's the rig
she likes to pull?
Oh, that's over at the stables,
along with the harness
and the other equipment.
Well, I'd like to have it.
Up here?
Of course. I want to show
off around the neighborhood.
Well, Mr. Drysdale
said anything you want.
- Uh, may I use your phone?
- Right in the hall.
Help yourself.
Granny, I think you're gonna
be real happy with this mare.
I'll be happier when
her buggy gets here.
That fella's having it
sent up from the stable.
Can I ride her out
to the gate and back?
Let me have a turn
on her first, Elly.
I think I'll gallop
by Mrs. Drysdale's
- and give her a look.
- Want a leg up?
Course not. I've never needed
any help to get on a horse.
Just give me a
little runnin' room.
I'm just as spry as I ever was.
Now, hold still, Lady Belle.
Giddyap, Lady Belle!
Chief?
- E-Excuse me, Chief?
- Not now.
I'm figuring out Lady
Belle's potential winnings.
- But your wife called and...
- Later, later.
Now, let's see.
Hollywood Park... $50,000.
Santa Anita... $75,000.
Then there's Bay Meadows,
Stockton, Sacramento...
Oh, we've already won
a quarter of a million,
and we haven't
even left California.
Chief, your wife said
that Granny is trotting
around your yard.
- So what?
- Well, it seems she's riding Lady Belle.
- Riding her?!
- Bareback. Your wife ran out
and tried to stop them
and was knocked down.
Let's get up there.
If she's hurt, I'll
never forgive myself.
That horse cost $30,000!
What could've happened?
She's been gone
for half an hour.
Nothin' to worry about.
Granny sets a horse like
most folks set a rocker.
Yeah, but Lady Belle
isn't a saddle horse.
That's all right;
Granny ain't using one.
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Clampett.
Nervous kind of fella.
Ought to take up whittlin'.
Here's your sulky, Doc.
Never mind that, we
got to find Lady Belle.
- She run off?
- She was ridden off, bareback!
A $30,000 trotter?
Come on, let's go.
Uncle Jed, what's this thing?
You reckon it's Granny's buggy?
Well, if it is, most
of it's missin'.
Pull me around the
yard once, Jethro.
- Okay.
- Hold it, young'uns. Yonder comes Granny.
Whoa, Lady Belle!
Whoa, girl!
What's that?
I'm afraid that's the buggy
the fella promised you.
Jed, it looks like we been took.
Well, we got shorted
a mite on the buggy,
but there's nothing
wrong with the horse.
Is there?
What is it?
I must've rode her ten miles,
used every trick I know.
Never could get her
to go faster than a trot.
Is everything ready, Jed?
Man's got Lady Belle all
hitched and harnessed up.
Did they find the
back half of the buggy?
Well, now, uh, about that,
uh, I'm afraid them
fellas at the horse auction
- seen Mr. Drysdale coming.
- What you mean?
You wouldn't believe
what kind of money he paid
for that horse and buggy.
Not more than a
hundred dollars, I hope.
Well, it would
top that a little.
But you got to
remember, he's a city fella,
and he thought he was
doing us a powerful favor.
Well, let's go look at it.
Well, now, uh, what I
wanted to tell you was, uh,
Mr. Drysdale and
Miss Jane just come,
and I want you to try extra hard
not to act disappointed
in front of them.
All right.
Well, Granny!
There she is, all decked
out and ready to go.
How do you like it?
Fine, Mr. Drysdale, just fine.
Chief made a wonderful
purchase, don't you think?
Sure. Sure.
Well, come take a closer look.
Sit in the driver's seat.
Oh, you'll get a
big thrill out of it.
Driver's seat?
Where is the rest of
you supposed to ride?
We'll take care of it.
Can't even go to the
market in that thing.
No place to carry
your groceries.
I'll fix it for you.
Now, come on, look for
some good things to say.
Like what?
- What do you think of him, Granny?
- Well...
She loves it!
I picked a real winner
for you, Granny.
- You think so?
- Oh, yes.
You can bring home
the bacon with this.
- Where?
- Where?
There ain't even a
place to put your feet!
Uh, oh, say, Mr. Drysdale,
Miss Jane, I just remembered.
Granny baked up
some special coffee cake
to show her
appreciation to you folks.
Now, Elly May, why don't
you take 'em in the kitchen
- and serve 'em up a big helpin'.
- Yes, sir, Pa.
Well, I'm not
especially hungry. I...
Neither am I.
You don't want to hurt
Granny's feelings, do you?
- Oh, no.
- No, no.
- How does it set, Granny?
- Poor.
Now, don't you worry, Jethro
and me'll build you a box
so you can put your feet
and your groceries in it.
Uncle Jed, this rig ain't
for haulin', it's for racin'.
- Racing?
- Yeah, I was talking to the doc yonder.
He says the fella that
sold it to Mr. Drysdale
didn't do nothin' else.
Went all around
the country racin'.
By doggies, I'll bet
you that's the reason
he stripped this buggy down,
so he'd get it as
light as he could.
Jed, I like racin' as
well as the next person,
and I even took some
things off Pearl's buggy
so I could b*at
Elverna Bradshaw,
but this is ridiculous.
Maybe the reason that he
had to strip it down special light
- was 'cause the horse is slow.
- Slow?
I couldn't even get her
to break into a gallop.
Well, that don't
make no sense at all.
Doc says Lady Belle was bred
and trained for nothin' but racin'.
Been in over hundreds of 'em.
Reckon it was your setting
on her that slowed her?
Could be, if she
wasn't used to it.
Hand me them reins,
Jethro, I'll give her another try.
Leave go of the bridle, Doc.
Are you sure Granny
can handle that racing rig?
Just like ridin' a plow...
Besides, she wasn't going fer.
But we don't want anything
to happen to Lady Belle
before we win our first race.
You're counting big
on that, ain't you?
You bet I am. That
horse is a gold mine.
She's going to win us a fortune.
Whoa, Lady Belle!
That's a good girl.
Well, Granny, I'll
bet you've never
driven a horse like that before.
- Quite a thrill, eh?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
Miss Hathaway, let's go
right out to Hollywood Park
and enter Lady Belle
in tomorrow's big race.
Good!
We'll have our money
back the first day.
- Come on.
- See you in the winner's circle.
Tally-ho!
Well, Granny?
Like you said, Jed, they
seen Mr. Drysdale comin'!
Slow, huh?
A mule skinner couldn't get
that turtle to do better than a trot.
Poor Mr. Drysdale.
He's already counting the money
that Lady Belle's gonna
win for him tomorrow.
The only way that
horse can win a race
is setting in the
back end of a fast car.
We got one chance: Elly May.
She ain't got a fast car.
No, but she's got
a way with critters.
Forget it.
We got to try, for
Mr. Drysdale's sake.
How come?
If you knew what he paid for
that horse, you wouldn't ask.
Morning, Uncle Jed.
Morning, Granny.
- Morning, boy.
- Morning, Jethro.
You look sleepy.
I am.
Elly kept me up half the night,
walking back and
forth and back and forth.
I'm surprised you heard her.
Her room's right next to mine.
Well, even so, she generally
walks quiet as a cougar.
It wasn't Elly that
was making the noise.
It was that horse
she was ridin'.
You mean to set
there and tell me that...
Morning, everybody.
Lady Belle and me's
going down to the holler
and have a workout
afore breakfast.
She's gonna be ready
for that race today.
Jed, I don't think I'll
be able to stand this.
Now, remember,
it's for Mr. Drysdale.
Come on, Margaret,
let me have the glasses.
They're getting
ready for the first race.
All right, Milburn.
Just let me see...
- Howdy, folks. -Howdy.
- Hello, Mr. Clampett.
- Oh, your box is right behind us.
- Oh, thank you.
What are those dreadful
people doing here?
They happen to own one of
the finest trotters in the country.
Where are Granny and Elly May?
- Down talking to the horse.
- Yonder comes Elly.
Here, Elly! Right up here.
Howdy, everybody.
You know, if
Granny doesn't hurry,
she's gonna miss the first race.
Oh, no, she ain't gonna
miss it; she's gonna be in it.
DRYSDALE and JANE: What?!
Yonder they come,
getting ready to commence.
I don't see Granny
or Lady Belle.
She'll be along in a minute.
Yeah, there was a little trouble
about getting theirs
started with the others.
Yonder she comes!
Now, none of this trottin'
foolishness, Lady Belle.
They got a head start on us.
If we's gonna catch 'em, you
got to run like Elly learned ya.
Come on, now, giddyap!
- Yeah!
- Nice goin', Granny!
- You'll catch 'em!
- Come on, Lady Belle!
Faster! Faster!
Do I have to come up there
and show you how to run!
That's it! Now take after 'em!
Make Elly proud of you!
Yee-haw!
Come on! Come on! You can do it!
We's gaining! Go, girl, go!
Pick 'em up and lay 'em down!
She caught 'em! She caught 'em!
- She's passin' 'em!
- Show 'em your dust, Granny!
Come on, Granny! Come on!
Yee-haw!
Now you got it!
Head for the barn!
Don't fret, now, Granny.
You done fine. You
won fair and square.
Then how come they
didn't give me the money?
Nor put the flowers
on me, nor nothin'!
'Cause you was disqualified.
- You! Ah...
- No scrappin', now.
We's proud of you, Granny.
You, too, Elly May.
And you, too, Lady Belle!
♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪
♪ Fer kindly droppin' in ♪
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪
♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪
♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪
♪ Set a spell ♪
♪ Take your shoes off ♪
♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪