♪ Come and listen to my
story about a man named Jed ♪
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
♪ And then one day, he
was sh**ting at some food ♪
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubbling crude ♪
♪ Oil, that is ♪
♪ Black gold ♪
♪ Texas tea ♪
♪ Well, the first thing you
know, old Jed's a millionaire ♪
♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪
♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪
♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪
♪ Hills, that is ♪
♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪
Is Granny still asleep?
I listened at her
door... Not a peep.
Buggy's stashed
out front. Come on.
Uncle Jed, before we
paint them buggy wheels,
can we have some breakfast?
Well, there ain't
gonna be time, boy.
Granny'll be up in a
minute. It's after 4:00 now.
Elly May, you keep watch.
Let us know the minute
you hear Granny stirring.
- Yes, sir, Pa.
- Come on, boy.
- The yellow paint outside?
- Yes, sir.
But ain't you afraid all
that growling and grumbling
- will wake Granny?
- What growling and grumbling?
My stomach. I ain't had nothing
to eat since my midnight snack.
Forget your stomach
for a little while.
It's gonna be worth it
to see Granny's face
when she finds this buggy
out here this morning.
I reckon so, but how come
it's got to have yellow wheels?
Well, that's something
Granny's been wanting all her life,
a nice, shiny black
buggy with yellow wheels.
Now that Mr. Drysdale
has bought her
this fine high-steppin' horse,
we is gonna surprise
her with the rest of the rig.
I'll get the other side.
Yes, sir.
What in the blue blazes...
Morning, Jed.
I was wondering what
happened to all the lanterns.
What's the big idea?
I was afraid you'd forget
about the yeller wheels.
How long you knowed
about this buggy?
Since you fetched
it home last evening.
- We was gonna spring it on you.
- I know.
I figured I'd be done
painting and be back up in bed
in time for you to surprise
me, but I couldn't find a lantern.
Uncle Jed, if you and Granny
don't quit talking so loud,
you're gonna wake Granny.
- Granny?
- She knows all about it.
Hot dog. Now we can eat.
Now hold on, boy.
By the time Granny's
through making breakfast,
- we can be done painting these wheels.
- Yeah.
Then you can surprise me.
I sure wonder how she
found out this buggy was here.
Search me. I done everything
I could to keep it a secret.
- You did?
- Yes, sir.
I told her last night, I says,
"Don't open that front door,
"" cause they's
something out there
you ain't supposed to see."
Good work, boy.
Thank you.
Granny!
How'd you get downstairs
without me seeing you?
Never mind, Elly, come
help me get breakfast.
But wait, Granny... You's
gonna get a surprise.
I know all about it, honey.
But Granny...!
There's a horse
sleeping in the parlor here.
Yes'm, Granny.
Uh, that was the surprise
I didn't want you to get.
What's it doing in here?
Well, you said she couldn't
sleep in my room no more,
and Lady Belle
likes it here just fine.
Milburn, I'm warning you,
if the Clampetts keep that horse
on the premises another day...
Don't worry, Margaret.
She goes back this morning.
What I can't understand is
why you bought it for them
- in the first place.
- As an investment.
Lady Belle is a
champion-bred harness racer.
I didn't know they were going
to make a house pet out of it.
House pet?!
I understand Elly May
let it sleep in her room.
Well, for once that mansion
had a well-bred occupant.
Now, remember... this morning.
Don't worry, this is
one time I'm with you.
That's a $30,000 racehorse.
That's it, Lady Belle,
step high and handsome.
Show your style... that's it.
Whoa!
Granny!
Morning, Mr. Drysdale!
How do you like my buggy?
Well, fine, but you
shouldn't let Lady Belle pull it.
Why not?
Granny, I want to take her
back where I bought her.
She ain't that bad.
All I have to do is break her
from wanting to
trot all the time.
Look, Granny, I'm a little late
getting down to the bank, so...
Get in! I'll get
you there in a jiffy.
W-Well, no...
I can get her to
gallop if I need to.
You seen me win the race.
Well, i-it's not that... I
have a ride to the bank.
Well, then I'll take
Mrs. Drysdale for a spin.
- No, please!
- Why not?
Because... I've changed my mind.
I'd like you to drive
me to the bank.
Fine.
But I want your wife
to see my new rig.
- I'll call her... Mrs. Drysda...!
- No, no.
You don't want
Margaret to see this.
Oh.
'Fraid she'll want one, huh?
Yeah, yeah, th-that's it.
Now let's go. I'm late.
Hear that, Lady Belle?
Just like Elly showed
you for the race.
Cut loose!
This beats riding in
that limousine, don't it?
Come on, Lady Belle,
show him some real speed!
Pa! Pa! Granny's coming.
Well, it's about time;
I was getting worried.
Whoa, Lady Belle!
Easy, girl!
Cool her down, young'uns.
She's been clean
to town and back.
So that's where you been.
Took Mr. Drysdale to work.
How'd he like the buggy ride?
Jed, he plumb loved it.
When we pulled up
in front of the bank,
he didn't want to get out.
He didn't, huh?
Had to pry his hands loose.
He was hanging on so hard
that his knuckles turned white.
And he was kind of trembling
and-and breathing heavy.
Sounds like he
enjoyed it, all right.
Maybe he'll be getting a buggy.
Mm, I sure hope so.
Jed, I was thinking
of it all the way home...
How nice it would
be for Mrs. Drysdale.
She could take her husband
to work, go shopping...
every once in a
while we'd meet up,
me in my buggy and her in her'n,
and maybe have
a little friendly race.
Like you used to have with
Elverna Bradshaw back home.
Yeah.
Jed, why don't we
give the Drysdales
a horse and buggy as a present?
By doggies, Granny, that's
a real neighborly thought.
Ain't it, though?
Friendly, kind, generous...
And it's the only
way I can make sure
that she don't get
a faster rig 'n mine.
Haven't the tranquilizers
taken effect yet?
Uh, I'm feeling better now.
Help me to my desk.
Chief, let go, you're
not in the buggy now.
Listen, you can
retrieve Lady Belle.
Granny's bought another horse.
She's bought another horse?
Yes, the stable just
called to check her credit.
Oh, this is wonderful.
Well, let's hurry up
there and grab Lady Belle.
I can get my $30,000 back.
Excuse me, Chief, but how
are you going to get Lady Belle
back to Hollywood Park?
I'll carry her in my arms.
Well, did you get the
Drysdales a horse and buggy?
Sure did, Jed.
It's a dandy rig.
Mrs. Drysdale and me's gonna
have some first-class races.
Well, good, let's
go have a look.
By doggies, that is
a fast-looking buggy.
Best I could find.
And from the look of this horse,
you and Mrs. Drysdale are
gonna be about an even match.
She is the twin of Lady Belle.
Well, this is Lady Belle, Pa.
Where's Mrs. Drysdale's horse?
Jethro's walking her
around the side of the house.
Yeah, she's a
high-spirited animal, Jed.
Her name's Lightning.
Let's go eat.
Well, uh, I want to see her.
Jethro!
When you've seen one
horse, you've seen 'em all.
Come on, now, I'm hungry.
You go ahead and eat... I
want to take a look at Lightning.
Yonder she comes.
Now, Lady Belle, if
you're gonna laugh,
I'm gonna have to
take you around back.
Who named this horse Lightning?
I did.
Granny, was you honestly fixing
to give this poor old
animal to Mrs. Drysdale?
What do you mean,
"poor old animal"?
All it needs is a little
grooming and some good food.
What'll it use to chew with?
It's got teeth...
hasn't it, Jethro?
Yes, ma'am.
One upper, one lower.
Nobody asked you to count.
Now, Granny, you
do the right thing
and take this horse
back where you bought it.
I don't think
they'll take it back.
It was on sale.
Yeah, $175.
For this critter?
No, sir, for the buggy.
They threw the horse in free.
Well, you take it back
and get Mrs. Drysdale
a animal she can be proud of.
She can be proud of this'n.
Yeah, the fella said it's the
world's oldest living horse.
Granny, you know good and
well Mrs. Drysdale wouldn't have
a chance of winning
the race with this animal.
You want to b*at her
fair and square, don't you?
Not especially, no.
- Take it back, Jethro.
- Do I have to?
I had a dickens of a time
lifting it up on the truck.
You mean it rode
over here on the truck?
Yeah, set up on the back
and fell sound asleep.
Well, it can have another
snooze on the way back.
Granny, I am plumb
ashamed of you.
Doggone it, Jed!
Back home, Elverna Bradshaw
b*at me every Sunday for 30 years.
I'm an old woman, Jed...
and before I go to my reward,
I'd like to win one buggy race.
You're missing the
most important part.
It ain't that you win or lose
but how you play the game.
That's all right for him,
but at my age, I got to take
my wins any way I can get 'em.
Well, Lightning, you
purt-near got in a race.
Oh, no.
Look what they've
done to Lady Belle.
Chief, that can't be Lady Belle.
You weren't on that buggy ride.
It aged me 20
years, and I didn't run.
Chief, that must be
the horse Granny got
to replace Lady Belle.
Oh.
Granny, what a
magnificent animal.
Where?
Oh! You mean old Glue
Pot... uh, er, uh, Lightning.
Yes.
- You like her, huh?
- Oh, she's beautiful.
She's a much better
horse than Lady Belle.
You know something,
Mr. Drysdale?
For a city fella, you sure are
a shrewd judge of horseflesh.
Well, it doesn't
take an expert to see
that she's a real champion.
Mr. Drysdale, I'll tell
you what I'm gonna do.
What?
I'm gonna give you
that champion horse.
Well, what for?
To pull that buggy.
I'm gonna throw that in, too.
But I have no use
for a horse and buggy.
Well, it's really
for your missus.
Margaret?
You said she wanted one.
I did?
Yes, I guess I did.
Well, now she's got one.
And her and me can have
some nice buggy races.
Buggy races?
Well, kind of friendly affairs
around the neighborhood.
But Margaret hasn't
had any experience.
- She...
- That's all right.
Lightning has had enough
experience for the both of them.
Well, thank you, but I don't...
Are you turning down my gift?
Well, no, no, of course not.
Good.
Then wake her up...
I mean hitch her up...
- But...
- and take her home.
I-I don't know how
to hitch up a horse.
I'll show you.
No, you show Miss Hathaway.
I have something to
discuss with Mr. Clampett.
Mr. Drysdale, this buggy
racing is something Granny's had
in her craw for 30 years now,
and ain't none of us gonna get
no peace or quiet around
here till she's shed of it.
- But my wife...
- Now, if Granny could just
whomp your wife in one race,
I figure she'll be satisfied
and forget all about it.
But I don't...
Your wife wouldn't mind
doing that, would she?
For me?
Mr. Clampett...
she'd be delighted.
Me?
Race with Granny?
In a buggy? In public?
You must be demented.
Margaret, sweetheart, listen.
Please do this for
me, I'm begging you.
Milburn, for four years,
I've been begging you
to rid our neighborhood
of those squatters.
- Have you ever listened to me?
- Of course.
But you've never lifted a finger
to get rid of them.
No, but I've listened to you.
- Oh.
- Margaret, wait, please.
Uh, Milburn, just how
much does this mean to you?
Everything. Anything.
Name your price.
A dinner out? A new girdle?
All right, all right!
You name it.
Very well, this is my price:
I will race with Granny if
you will get the Clampetts
out of Beverly
Hills permanently.
You know I can't do that.
♪ Good-bye. ♪
JETHRO: Mr. Drysdale!
Here's your horse and buggy.
Uh... where's the horse?
Oh, she give out on the way.
Elly and Miss Jane
are fetching her.
Margaret! Margaret! Come back!
I'll meet your price.
- You will?
- Yes.
If you race with
Granny and b*at her,
I'll see that the
Clampetts move.
Wonderf... b*at her?
Well, that's a
foregone conclusion.
You'll be driving a horse
by the name of Lightning.
It can go as fast as Jane
Hathaway's convertible.
You're joking.
My word of honor.
She was driving, and that
horse stayed right behind her.
- Why...
- That's my girl.
I'll go tell Granny
the good news.
Have them start packing.
I'll do that.
Hurry, get this
magnificent thoroughbred
out of sight until race time.
Well, Jethro, you lifted her in.
Now lift her out.
Yes, ma'am.
Well, Granny, Mr. Drysdale
says the race is on.
Your wife agreed, did she?
Yes, Margaret
accepted the challenge.
I'm gonna to b*at
the pants off of...
I mean, we'll have a dandy race.
Did you get Mrs.
Drysdale a good horse?
Mr. Drysdale says she's better
than Lady Belle, didn't you?
Absolutely.
Margaret couldn't have a
more perfect horse for the race.
Granny, I'm proud of you.
Well, it's, uh, like you said,
it's how you play the game.
Well, come on, Mr. Drysdale,
let's go take a look at her.
Oh, Jed, I almost forgot.
I mixed up a special
feed for Lady Belle:
some bran and oats and
"alfalfy" and molasses.
But I left it in the kitchen.
Would you get it for me?
You bet I will.
'Scuse me, Mr. Drysdale.
Of course.
I wouldn't let Jed see
Lightning if I were you.
He sets a great store on
having the horses even matched.
I understand.
He seen that Lightning was a
better horse than Lady Belle,
he might call the race off.
Don't worry. Now...
Granny says she mixed
up some special feed.
Yeah.
Gee, I wish I'd
a-knowed you wanted it.
I'd have save you some.
You mean you ate it?
Yes, sir.
All of it?
Just this one potful.
Boy, you take the cake.
Where?
Never mind.
But Uncle Jed, I'm still hungry.
Lifting that horse in and
out of Miss Jane's car
give me a appetite.
You put a horse
in Miss Jane's car?
Yes, sir.
That was the only way we
could get that poor old thing
over to the Drysdales'.
What poor old thing?
Lightning.
Here, Uncle Jed, I
scraped you up a spoonful.
No, thanks.
So Granny stuck Mrs.
Drysdale with Lightning, huh?
They called her Old
Glue Pot over to the stable.
Well, she ain't gonna
get away with it.
You and me is going
over to that stable
and get Mrs. Drysdale the finest
buggy horse money can buy.
Okay.
Sure you don't
want some of this?
No, thanks. Come on.
I just changed my mind.
Too late.
I swallowed it.
I got a better idea
about the horse.
We are really gonna
learn Granny to cheat.
No need to do that.
She does pretty good right now.
Milburn, I'm going
out for a while.
Okay, dear, when will you...?
What kind of a getup is that?
It's a riding habit.
I'm going for a trial run
with my horse and buggy.
Oh, don't do that, Margaret.
You want Lightning
fresh for the big race.
And speaking of the race, let
us reconfirm our agreement.
I'll put it in writing for you.
If you b*at Granny, the
Clampetts will move away.
- For good?
- For good.
So, now, why don't
you let that poor old...
Let Lightning rest
until race time?
Besides, you don't even
know how to hitch her up.
Mr. Clampett has
done that for me.
And now he's going to
give me a driving lesson.
Whoa, girl, whoa.
This is so nice of
you, Mr. Clampett.
My pleasure, ma'am.
I just want to see you had
a fair chance of winning.
Hey! This horse
looks like Lady Belle.
There is a
resemblance, ain't they?
Now, you just set up
here beside me for a spell,
and... and, uh, later on
you can take the reins.
Mr. Clampett, you don't
know what you're doing.
Oh, I think I do.
Once you've drove a
buggy, you don't forget.
Let's go, Lightning.
What a goof-up.
I wonder how I can blame
this on Miss Hathaway.
I mixed you up another batch
of my special feed, Lady Belle.
This'll give you
that extra go power.
Not that you'll need it to b*at
that old plug of a Lightning.
Now, Lady Belle, you don't
have to hang your head.
If anybody says the race
ain't fair, I'll take the blame.
Come on, now, stand up straight.
Boot blacking.
You ain't Lady Belle.
You's Lightning.
Somebody's trying
to fix the race.
Mrs. Drysdale.
If there's one
thing I can't stand,
it's a cheater.
Granny?
Pretty near race
time, where are you?
Well, she ain't upstairs, Pa.
She sure ain't downstairs.
She ain't outside, Uncle Jed.
I looked everyplace.
Well, young'uns...
I reckon there's
nothing left for us to do
but go out front
and tell everybody
that Granny has turned chicken.
That she has got a yellow
streak up her back and she is
just plumb scared to
death to race Mrs. Drysdale.
Just a doggone minute.
I ain't chicken.
And I ain't got no yeller
streak, and I ain't scared.
Then what was you
doing in the broom closet?
I stepped in there by mistake.
And hush up.
Granny, everybody's waiting
out front for the race to commence.
The buggies is out
there and all hitched up.
Well, you two young'uns get
out there and tell 'em I'm coming.
And tell 'em I can
b*at Mrs. Drysdale
driving a hay wagon
hitched to a hog.
Thataway, Granny.
What are you going
back in there fer?
'Cause she ain't driving no
hay wagon hitched to a hog,
and I ain't got a chance.
You are going out there
and take your lumps.
I'll be the laughingstock
of Beverly Hills
with that glue pot.
That's what you was planning
for Mrs. Drysdale, wasn't it?
- Come on.
- No.
I'm a old woman, Jed.
I don't think I can make it.
My ticker ain't so good.
A mule should have your ticker.
- Come on.
- No, no, wait.
Let me get a bottle of tonic
in case my liver goes sour.
I'm awful old, Jed.
Yeah. Let's go.
Here she is, folks.
The race can commence.
Granny!
I'm coming.
I just wanted to get a
little straw for my horse.
Good luck, Granny.
Good luck, Gran.
Now, remember what I told you.
It ain't that you win or lose,
it's how you play the game.
Yeah, I'll remember.
Here, old lady.
I know your teeth ain't much,
but take a good stiff
pull on this straw.
How does that grab you?
Wait till I get on first.
On your mark, get set...
Go, Lady Belle, go!
Come on, Lightning,
faster, faster!
There's more tonic
when you get home.
Yonder comes Lightning!
Granny wins!
You don't have to move!
What?
You can stay, your
money can stay,
and my wife can lump it.
I see Lightning and I...
and I see Granny, but look...!
Whoa, Lightning!
Whoa, whoa!
I win!
Where's your buggy?
Lightning run so fast,
she pulled right
out of the harness.
Wh-Where's my wife?
Running a poor second.
And I hope this teaches her
a lesson: cheating don't pay.
♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪
♪ Fer kindly droppin' in ♪
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪
♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪
♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪
♪ Set a spell ♪
♪ Take your shoes off ♪
♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪