♪ Come and listen to my
story about a man named Jed ♪
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
♪ And then one day, he
was sh**ting at some food ♪
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubbling crude ♪
♪ Oil, that is ♪
♪ Black gold ♪
♪ Texas tea ♪
♪ Well, the first thing you
know, old Jed's a millionaire ♪
♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪
♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪
♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪
♪ Hills, that is ♪
♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪
Elly May! Elly May!
One of your cats has got her
kittens in my nightgown drawer!
Jed! Jed!
Jed!
Matilda, I told you to keep
your young'uns in my room.
Come on now. I'll
help you tote 'em back.
Jed!
What's all the
commotion, Granny?
I thought you told Elly to
keep her critters outdoors.
- I did.
- Well, there's a whole cat family
bedded down in my chiffonier!
Now, Granny, you sure?
Come see for yourself.
They're sleeping on
my best nightgowns.
I ain't got nothing agin
cats nor kittens neither,
but them nightgowns
is for my hope chest.
Hope chest?
Well, like the feller says,
no skillet so battered
you can't find a lid for it.
All right, now, Granny,
where was it you say
you seen them kittens?
Right there before your...
Well, they was here.
I seen 'em.
- Well...
- A mama cat and three young'uns.
Granny, I had a dream
like that myself last night.
I dreamed about this
great big buck deer...
I didn't dream them pussycats!
I seen 'em.
All right, Granny.
Now, why don't you
make some coffee,
and I'll finish getting dressed
and I'll see you in the kitchen.
I seen a mama cat and
kittens, I know durn well I did.
And I didn't dream 'em either.
They was right there in...
Jed! Look!
The whole downstairs
is crawlin' with cats!
Come see for yourself!
Where?
Everyplace, look!
Well, they was here...
Hundreds of 'em,
all sizes and colors.
Uh-huh. Granny, why
don't you go in the kitchen
and make that coffee,
good and strong,
and have a cup.
I'll join you directly.
I know doggone well
there was cats in here.
I seen 'em, plain as anything.
Aha!
Jed!
Jed, I found some
more cats! Look!
Where now, Granny?
Right in there! A
whole roomful of 'em!
I'll show you. See?
Where'd you go,
you furry little sneaks?
Granny, why don't you
get that coffee made
and stop worrying about cats.
I don't see no kittens.
Ain't none in here.
It's just a vision.
Uh-huh... uh... Ow!
If I didn't know
that was a vision,
I'd swear he had
his claws in my leg.
Morning, Granny.
Morning, Jethro.
Where'd all the kittens
come from, Granny?
You seen 'em, too?
Sure.
Whole bunch of 'em?
Yeah.
Different colors?
That's right.
All playin' together
on the floor?
Yep.
Aha!
I knowed it!
Excuse me, Granny. I
got to go get the milk.
You do that, boy, and
I'll put the kittens out.
- Yes, ma'am.
- You're cute little rascals,
but you don't belong in the...
Oh, no.
Granny, did you
get the coffee made?
I started to, Jed,
but I figured I'd best
put the kittens out first.
More kittens, huh?
You see 'em, don't you?
Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course I do.
Please put 'em out for me,
Jed, whilst I make the coffee.
Oh, I don't think
they're gonna bother us.
Please, Jed, put 'em out for me.
Okay.
Cute little things, ain't they?
Ain't nothing cuter.
Now, be sure you get 'em all.
I will. Now, you
hurry with the coffee.
There. Uh... I
think I got 'em all.
I didn't leave any, did I?
Did you get the cute
little striped one?
Yep, got him right here.
Oh, yeah. He's got sharp claws.
He was hangin' on my leg.
Uh-huh.
All right. Here they go.
Oop. Come on back here.
Get out there.
Morning, Granny.
What you doin', Pa?
I'm putting out the kittens.
We had a house full
of cats this morning.
Gee, I'm sorry about that,
but I just had to fetch
'em inside last night.
- Huh?
- What was that?
You brung cats into the house?
Now, Granny,
please don't get mad.
Mad? I'm gonna kiss you!
I thought my load had shifted.
I put 'em out again just now.
Well, uh, tell me, why did
you bring 'em in last night?
So's they wouldn't get stole.
- Stole?
- Yes, sir.
The fella on the
radio last night said
the Beverly Hills folks is
being robbed by a cat burglar.
Cat burglar?
By doggies, I can almost
understand a starvin' man
turn a chicken thief,
but why in tarnation
would anybody
want to steal cats?
Maybe he's got a
powerful lot of mice.
Well, all he'd have to do is
knock at the door and ask.
We'd give him all the
cats he could carry.
Ain't no figurin' city folks.
Hey, everybody,
the milkman says to be on
the lookout for the cat burglar.
Yeah, we was just
talking about him.
Boy, I sure hope he comes here.
Them cats of Elly's chased
me clean around the house
trying to get to this milk.
He hadn't better come here.
Well, we could sure spare a few.
Now, young'uns, there's a
right way and a wrong way
of gettin' things, and I
don't hold with thievin'.
Well, I'm gonna set a trap
for that rascal, just in case.
Reckon he'll show
up here, Uncle Jed?
Well, with our bait, I'd say
there's a real good chance.
Morning, Miss Hathaway.
Oh, good morning, Chief.
I presume you've heard
about the cat burglar.
Yes, it's terrible.
I understand
he's still at large.
That's right. He's
gotten away so far
with more than a
quarter of a million dollars.
A quarter of a million?
I wonder where he banks.
Oh, but, Chief,
surely you wouldn't...
Oh, I was joking. This
man's a real menace.
He's got to be stopped.
Well, he's extremely clever.
He seems to ferret
out the richest homes
- in the richest neighborhoods.
- I know what you're thinking,
and have no fear.
I personally am gonna
spend the next few nights
at the Clampetts'.
Well, that's very
brave of you, Chief,
but it seems to me the
Clampetts are well protected.
They-they have
dogs, they have g*ns.
They're alert and
utterly fearless.
I know.
That's why I'm
staying with them.
Well, but surely you're not
going to leave your wife alone
and unprotected.
Of course not. She's in Boston.
If my wife were home, I wouldn't
think of leaving the house.
That woman could
scare away any burglar.
Chief.
Have you ever
seen her in curlers
with cold cream all
over her face? Ugh.
But if you're going to
stay at the Clampetts',
who is going to guard
your house at night?
I'm glad you asked.
Now, try and get a little
nap during your lunch hour.
Oh... Oh, no.
I'm not paid for any
such hazardous duties.
Relax. I'm not asking you
to do anything hazardous.
Just be a guest in my
beautiful house for a few nights,
you know, keep
a few lights going.
Well, uh, w-will there be
any extra money involved?
Don't be silly. You can
stay there for nothing.
You're all heart, Chief.
But if you want my advice,
you'll hire someone
to guard both places.
Why? You just said the
Clampetts were well protected.
So they are, but to any burglar,
it's got to look
like an ideal setup.
They go to bed early,
they turn out all the lights,
and they are known
to have $50 million.
Bernie, it's a perfect setup.
They go to bed early,
they turn out all the lights,
and they got $50 million.
I don't like it. It
looks too easy.
Well, that's why I'm here,
to double-check everything.
Pick me up in a half hour.
Mike, listen, you're too hot.
Everybody's talking
about the cat burglar.
Blow town while
you're still ahead.
Bernie, 50...
million... dollars.
I'll get it, Uncle Jed!
- Howdy.
- Hello. Mr. Clampett?
No, sir. My name's
Jethro Bodine.
Oh, well, I'm Mike Wilcox,
uh, Sterling Detective Agency.
- You're a detective?
- That's right.
So am I.
Really?
Well, pert near the same.
I'm a double-naught spy.
Oh.
Well, say, this is a
real honor, Jethro.
Thank you.
You on a big case?
Just routine. I've been hired
to protect the neighborhood
against the, uh, cat burglar.
Hey, yeah, we heard about him.
Can I help you?
Gee, that's terrific,
Jethro, but, uh...
this is pretty tame stuff
for a double-naught spy.
Well, that's okay.
I ain't been too busy lately.
Not many calls for double-naught
spyin' here in Beverly Hills.
Okay, we'll work together.
Hot dog!
You can start off by
showing me around the place.
You don't have to worry
about the cat burglar
coming around here;
we's ready for him.
You are?
Heck, yeah. My cousin Elly May
set traps all over the
place, inside and out.
How 'bout showing 'em to me?
Uh, might give me a few ideas.
Okay. Let's see.
I got to remember
where they are.
I think the first
one's in the kitchen.
Follow me.
I was wrong.
This here is the first one.
Jethro!
Get out of my snare.
I didn't get in here on
purpose, you dumb old girl.
Oh, Mr. Wilcox, uh, this
here's my cousin Elly.
And, uh, this here is my granny.
- Howdy.
- How do you do?
Howdy, young feller.
How do you do?
What in tarnation is going on?
Oh, Mr. Wilcox, this
here is my Uncle Jed.
- How do you do?
- Pleased to meet you.
Um, Mr. Wilcox
here is a detective
looking for the cat burglar.
I was showing him
some of Elly's traps.
Couldn't you just point to 'em?
Come on, Mr. Wilcox, I'll
show you the rest of 'em.
Swell.
Hey, wait a minute, Elly!
Get me down out of this thing!
Okay, Jethro, just a second.
Oh, Granny, you got
something for a headache?
I think so.
Good-looking young
fella, ain't he, Granny?
Downright handsome, what he is.
Never mind the compliments,
just give me something
for my headache.
Jethro, did you say
Mr. Wilcox is a detective?
Yeah. I'm supposed
to be helping him.
Let Elly May help
him for a while.
He don't want no
dumb old girl around.
He needs somebody with brains.
You keep banging
yours on the floor,
you ain't gonna be
much help to nobody.
So, when I heard about
this cat burglar on the radio,
I figured he'd be coming
here 'cause we got so many.
So many what?
Cats.
You think the cat burglar...
We think that he's lower than
a snake's belly in a wagon rut.
Yeah.
Well, like Granny
said, if he wants a cat,
let him knock at
the door and ask.
I see. The-the whole family...
Oh, yeah, Pa said stealing
cats is pert near worse
than being a chicken thief.
I agree.
You like cats, huh?
I love 'em. That's why I
asked for this assignment.
I'm gonna make sure
that the cat burglar
gets everything
that's coming to him.
Good for you.
When he comes here,
he's good as caught,
'cause I got traps
all over the place.
Just a minute, Elly May.
What are you doing?
Well, I'm fixin' to show
Mr. Wilcox another trap.
I'll do that.
I'm the one that's working
with him on this case.
Now, where is it?
Out yonder in the grass,
where that saucer's a-settin'.
You see, it'll have milk in it,
and cats will be
drinking out of it...
I'll show you, Mr. Wilcox.
Be careful, Jethro.
Don't worry.
A double-naught
never gets caught twice.
If there's a snare
hid in this grass, I'll...
Aha!
I found it!
That is a beauty.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
Come on.
Well, that's how it
works, Mr. Wilcox!
Okay, Elly, you
can let me out now!
Elly May?
Mr. Wilcox?
Uncle Jed!
Granny! Granny!
I believe this is the only
room you ain't had a look at.
And I don't see none
of Elly's traps in here.
Well, she's pretty
good at hiding them.
Do you mind if I
have a closer look?
No, no, just help yourself.
We's mighty beholden to you
for trying to catch
that cat burglar.
Well, to me, Mr. Clampett, any
man that would steal cats is...
Well, he's lower than a
snake's belly in a wagon rut.
By doggies, young fella, we
sure see eye-to-eye on that.
Oh, would you excuse Granny
and me for just a minute?
Certainly.
- Where's Elly?
- Changing into a dress.
He's gonna get away
if she don't get stirring.
I'll stall him, you stir her.
So, you found that, did you?
Oh, I-I was just
happening to move this...
That's how I happened onto it.
But you're wasting your time.
I've been four years trying
to get this radio to work.
Radio?
I have stood here for hours,
twisting this little dial.
Can't even get static.
No wonder they covered
it up with this picture.
One of these days, I
got to have this fixed.
Oh, Granny, by the way,
there is something I
ought to warn you about.
What's that?
Well, sometimes these cat
burglars take other things.
- Really?
- Mm.
You reckon they'd take a possum
or two or maybe a raccoon?
No, what I meant is that
sometimes they take valuables...
Uh, jewelry, even money.
Land sakes.
I got all the family
jewelry up in my room.
Lots of money, too.
Uh, in a good
safe place, I hope.
Oh, yeah.
I reckon even a cat
burglar wouldn't want to go
poking through a
woman's nightgown drawer.
I'm sure you're right.
Well, I've got to be going...
Oh, now, wait a minute.
Elly May!
Granny, I can't find
that girl no place.
She ain't in her room.
Well, Mr. Wilcox
is gonna get away.
I mean, he's got to leave.
You call me, Granny?
Yeah. Where you been?
Setting more traps.
You want to see 'em?
Well, I-I got to report
back to headquarters.
Well, uh, maybe Mr. Wilcox
can come back here
and take supper with us tonight.
Yeah.
Oh, I wish I could, but, uh,
I'm gonna be pretty busy
guarding the neighborhood
against the cat burglar.
Well, if he comes here,
he's as good as caught.
I got a dandy
new trap out front.
Well, if we should
catch him, uh,
where do we get ahold to you?
Like you to have the credit.
Oh. Well, I'll... We got him!
Jethro, stop springing my traps!
You didn't tell me it was here!
Come on, Granny, if you hold me,
I think I can cut him down
from the upstairs window.
This is a real beauty.
- Congratulations, Elly.
- Thank you.
Well, I'll see you
around, Jethro.
- My ride's coming.
- Hey, wait a minute.
You're gonna take
me with you, ain't you?
Not this time.
But you said you
needed somebody smart.
Yeah, I know.
Well, here I am.
Where else are you gonna
find a fella with my kind of brain?
I don't know.
See you around.
Bye, Elly.
Bye.
Get going.
This job is gonna
be a piece of cake.
With nuts!
I got your room all ready
for you, Mr. Drysdale.
Do you need the
loan of a nightshirt?
Well, thank you, Granny,
but I brought some things.
That sure is neighborly of you.
Well, you know how it is.
With this cat
burglar on the prowl,
I just feel it's safer here.
You know, with me around
to help protect the place.
Oh, we're being
pretty well protected.
Elly's got traps set, and
Jethro's out keeping watch.
And there's Mr. Wilcox.
Oh, who's he?
That young,
good-looking detective.
Oh, Miss Hathaway
must have hired him.
Well, that does it.
Time to turn in.
Yeah, come on.
Well, i-it's 7:00.
Yeah, way past our bedtime, too.
But...
Time sure sneaks up on you
when you're playing checkers.
Well, if you don't mind,
I'd like to stay
up a little longer.
It's been dark
better than an hour.
Well, maybe he's a mite upset
on account of the cat burglar.
You can stay up as long
as you like, Mr. Drysdale.
8:00, 9:00 if you want.
- Thank you.
- Good night.
See you in the morning.
Mr. Clampett! Granny!
Wait for me!
Everything's
quiet, let's move in.
Mike, it's too early.
They're asleep, believe me.
Just follow the plan.
Okay.
Jed?
Hurry up, come on.
What is it, Granny?
I heared a noise.
It's probably the cat burglar.
More than likely a cat.
Just found this one in my bed.
I don't know how many more
Elly's got stashed around.
This noise came from downstairs.
And it was no pussycat, neither.
I don't hear nothing.
What y'all doing?
Granny thinks she heard
a burglar downstairs.
Want me to go down and grab him?
No, you get back in bed.
Well, I can't.
Why not?
Well, it's full of cats.
Get into my bed.
Jed and me is going
downstairs and look around.
Ain't we, Jed?
Sooner or later,
might as well be now.
Gonna get a lantern.
Why, it's that detective.
He's still trying to get
something on that busted radio.
He's opened up the front of it.
That sweet boy,
he's fixing it for me.
In the dark?
He wants it to be a surprise.
Come on, let's not spoil it.
Granny, that's
mighty nice of him,
but he ought to be out
looking for the cat burglar.
He's liable to lose his job.
Ow!
I got you!
Now, let's go!
Ow! Ow! Let go!
Pa! Granny! I
caught the cat burglar!
Hold on, young fella!
Elly just caught the
cat burglar for you.
Forget about that busted radio.
You sweet boy.
I caught him dead
to rights, Granny.
He was opening up
your nightgown drawer.
- He was?
- Yeah.
Matilda had her
kittens in there again.
Ain't there no place you
varmints won't go for cats?
Cats?
Take him in tow, Mr. Detective.
Uh, you bet I will.
You're coming to
headquarters, cat burglar.
Did I hear somebody say
the cat burglar was caught?
Yep. Elly nabbed him,
and this fine young
detective is taking him in.
Well, by George, I had
a feeling he'd strike here.
That's why I insisted
on spending the night.
Hey, everybody, I
caught the cat burglar!
Mr. Drysdale, I found him
skulking around your backyard,
so I threw a blanket
over him, and here he is.
But, Jethro, I caught
the cat burglar.
Well, then, who's this?
Miss Jane.
You let Jethro carry you
all the way from my house?
Why didn't you say something?
Chief, you foolish man.
Put her down, Jethro.
What were you doing prowling
around my yard anyway?
You hired a detective.
No, I didn't.
- Then who are these...
- They got away!
Sure thing, huh?
Pushover, huh?
Piece of cake, huh?
Aw, shut up, and
quit rocking the net.
♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪
♪ Fer kindly droppin' in ♪
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪
♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪
♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪
♪ Set a spell ♪
♪ Take your shoes off ♪
♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪