06x02 - The Long Goodbye

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Full House". Aired: September 1987 to May 1995.*
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A widower enlists help to raise his three daughters..
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06x02 - The Long Goodbye

Post by bunniefuu »

[♪♪♪]

Ooh. Bubble.

Bubbles, yeah.

Here we go.

Bubble. Bubbles, yeah.

Ooh.

Here we go.

Hi, Joey. What's up?

Hey, Michelle. Check
out your cousins.

These guys love
to play with bubbles.

That's because
they're still babies.

Ah.

So you don't play with
bubbles anymore, huh?

I'm too old for that.

Uh-huh. Well, we'll
just see about that.

Whoa, you are a tough one.

This is definitely a job for...

the Bubble Master.

Ah-ha-ha. Here we go.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah,
you're a tough one.

I can't take it anymore!

I knew you'd
cr*ck. There you go.

Okay. Here we go, fellas.
Bubbles everywhere.

All right, ready?

Bubbles. Bubbles.

We're popping bubbles.

[♪♪♪]

[JESSE FREDERICK'S
"EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Ahhh ♪

♪ Whatever happened
To predictability ♪

♪ The milkman The paperboy ♪

♪ Evenin' TV? ♪

♪ Ahhh ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪

♪ A hand to hold on to ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a face ♪

♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ When you're lost out
there And you're all alone ♪

♪ A light is waitin'
To carry you home ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪

[♪♪♪]

Michelle, your
breakfast is getting cold.

MICHELLE: I'm busy!

Okay. The fat on your
bacon's all congealed,

and your waffle's gonna
taste like a roofing tile.

That should bring her running.

Say, can you guys
please hold it down?

Vicky is doing a live report
on Good Morning America.

It's the first time I've
seen her in over a month.

Dad, do you want us to leave

so you can snuggle up to the TV?

Don't think I haven't
thought about that.

You know, a man in a
long-distance relationship

can get pretty darn desperate.

Maybe we can double
date with my VCR.

Check it out, Beck.

I made my own special blend:

oatmeal and puréed prunes.

It'll be great.

My Grandpa Katsopolis
used to swear by it.

All right, boys, here you go.

That's it.

Okay, grab the spoon, Nicky.

Good boy. You're
gonna love this.

That's...

Well, he... Least he
missed my new shirt.

I knew that was gonna happen.

I see the problem.

This is it. She's
finishing her report,

and she's gonna flash
me our secret hello.

Here it comes. Here it comes.

This is Vicky Larson,

live from Chicago.
Here it comes.

Yes, yes! That was it!

Scratched her eyebrow.

Boy, was it good for you, Danny?

As good as it gets.

Okay.

Michelle!

How many times do I have
to tell you to get down here?

Joseph, if you want
a kid to do something,

you don't ask questions.

You give orders.

Watch... and learn.

Michelle, you get
your tardy little tush

down here right now!

MICHELLE: I'm busy!

Okay.

I tell you, I love
learning from a master.

D.J., your boyfriend's here.

Look what he dragged in.

Look at all these happy people

sitting down to
breakfast together.

You guys have family
values coming out the wazoo.

So nicely put, Kimmy.

Come on, Jess. I'll
help you clean up

before I go to work.

Come on, Beck, I can
take care of the boys.

I wasn't talking about them.

Uh. Brutal.

This waffle tastes
like a roofing tile.

Well, obviously that's not

a bad thing, is it?

Steve, I... I kind of see

a trend developing here.

Do I have to assume I'm gonna be

seeing you on a daily basis?

Yeah. As long as D.J.
can keep her hooks in him.

Ta... We have to go.

Maybe we should put in
a drive-through window.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Yeah, Vicky.

Yes, of... Of course
I saw the signal.

Who knew one little scratch
could say so much, huh?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Okay.

Be right there.

Hold on.

Hey, Teddy. What's
new in the first grade?

Everything.

Come on in.

Michelle! Now come on.

You get down here right now!

MICHELLE: I'm busy!

Teddy's here.

I'm coming.

Hi, Teddy. What did
you bring for lunch today?

A peanut butter sandwich.
What do you have?

Jelly sandwich.

When we get to school,
we'll smush 'em together.

BOTH: All right!

[CHUCKLES] Okay.
Come here, Michelle. Here.

Hey, Teddy, you
want to come with us

to Happy Mountain on Saturday?

That's the day they
open the Wonder Flume.

The Wonder Flume? Wow.

Sorry, but I can't.

Why not?

It's a secret.

Okay. Come on, you guys.

We're gonna be
late. Here you go.

Breakfast on the go. Let's go.

You've got to tell
me your secret.

I'll give you my banana.

Michelle, Teddy just told
you that he can't, okay?

You got to respect that.

I do.

Please, please
tell me your secret.

Please, please, please.

Where's the baby's bellybutton?

There's a
bellybutton. There it is!

Mwah. You know what?

You guys be good
while I'm at work, okay?

Jess, come on!
I'm gonna be late!

I'm coming.

Second team's here.
Just call me Mr. Mo...

Boys, I'm so proud.

You guys are having
a great hair day.

My boys.

Ha-ha. Ha.

We are not cutting their hair.

[BOYS GIGGLING]

JESSE: Hey, Goober, Gomer.

What are you guys
doing with a doll?

Oh, Michelle gave it to
them. It's Baby Love-button.

Baby Love-button.

Isn't that cute?

[SNAPS] Fork
the doll over, guys.

Hey, Jess, you don't have

some prehistoric idea

that boys shouldn't
play with dolls?

Me? No, no.

It's just that,
uh, I don't know.

You know, this thing
could be dangerous.

Look at this hair. I mean,
it's extremely flammable.

One match, "boom!" The whole...

I'll give the doll back.

Here you go.

BECKY: Hey... Danny,
you changed clothes.

Oh, I had to.

Vicky called and told me

she's coming in for
three whole days.

Then I realized I was
wearing the same tie

I had on last time I saw her.

And then after I changed
the tie, shirt wasn't right.

And then... Well, it just
snowballed from there.

So how do I look?

Undermedicated.

Very funny.

You look radiant.

Come on. Let's go. Bye, boys.

Hey, don't I get a kiss?

Sure.

Mwah. Aagh!

Toodle-loo.

All right, guys. Mommy's gone.

We got to set some new
ground rules around here.

[BOYS BABBLING]

That's right. Katsopolis
men do not... I repeat,

do not play with dolls.

All right?

Now, come on outside, guys.

I'll teach you how
to lube up my Harley.

All right, fine.

Play with the doll now.

But this isn't over.

You guys have to nap sometime.

[GIGGLING]

[♪♪♪]

Michelle, very good printing.

But is something
missing from your letter I?

I save the dots for last.

I do too.

Hey, Teddy, wanna dot my I's?

Ooh, that's my favorite thing.

Wait a minute.

First the secret, then the dots.

Please.

Don't do this to me.

Then spill your guts.

Okay.

The secret is I'm
going to Amarillo.

What the heck is that?

It's a place in Texas.

That's it? You're
going on vacation?

Not your best secret.

It's not a vacation.

I'm moving there.

What?

Shh.

You can't move.

[WHISPERS] I have to.

My dad got a new job.

But we won't be
best friends anymore.

I know. It's bad news.

Why didn't you tell me?

Because I thought you'd be mad.

Are you?

No.

I'm too sad to be mad.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Oh, I'm sorry, Comet,
this is not for you.

I missed lunch.

I was on the phone with Vicky.

She canceled our
long weekend together.

She has to fly back
to Chicago tonight.

[SIGHS] You think I'm making
myself too nuts over this?

Obviously. I'm talking to a dog.

Hey. Meatloaf sandwich.

Easy there, Jaws.

Sorry, sir. I don't want
to take your snack.

Why not? I do it all the time.

You have any friends
whose parents feed them?

Dad, stay cool.
Steve's a wrestler.

He needs his strength.

What about Kimmy?

Kimmy just has bad manners.

I do not.

You know, this
meatloaf is really dry.

Here you go, Comet.

Well, uh, gotta go, Deej.

I'll miss you.

I'll miss you more.

I'll miss you more than more.

I'll miss you more
than more than more.

I bet she'd miss you even
more if you were gone.

Dad, look, there's a dust bunny

under the table.

That's impossible.

There's nothing there...

Sorry. My mistake.

See ya.

Dad, can I ride my
bike to Amarillo?

Uh, sorry, honey.

It's a little too
close to dinner.

Besides, Amarillo's
much too far.

Not as far as Chicago, though.

That's where Vicky lives.

That... That's way past
Utah, Colorado, Nevada.

Then come all those
really flat states.

I get it. It's far.

Boy, Dad, you really
miss Vicky, don't you?

Well, why did she have
to move to Chicago?

It's cold. It's windy.

Cubs never win the pennant.

I know exactly how you feel.

After lunch, when
Steve goes to study hall

and I go to geometry,

I miss him so
much, I think I'll die

before I see him
again in Spanish.

Yeah, but this
is a little different.

Boy, it'd be...

It'd be nice to be able
to kiss my girlfriend

without getting that yucky
phone taste in my mouth.

Maybe it's not worth it.

Come on, Dad. Vicky's so nice.

Yeah, I thought you liked her.

I do like her.

Just "like"?

Yes, "like."

A lot.

But it's driving me crazy

having a girlfriend
who's never in town.

When Vicky comes over,
I'm... I'm gonna tell her

that I think we should
see other people.

Hi, Michelle.

Hi, Teddy.

The moving truck's here.

I guess I gotta say goodbye.

I don't want you to go.

Maybe you could
live at my house.

Already asked. My mom said
she would miss me too much.

She could live here too.

I don't think my
dad would like that.

Can't we play one last time?

Okay. Just for a
minute. Then I gotta go.

I have a new jump rope.

I don't know how.

I'll teach you.

It's really easy.

I can do that.

Watch this.

Whee!

Watch this.

Watch this. [GIGGLING]

All right, guys, dolls are fun,

but wait till you see

the new surprises
Daddy got for you.

Look at this: I got
a monster truck.

Johnny Dirtspitter.

See that? Look at that thing go.

Here you go. Lot of
manly stuff in here, boys.

Hey, look at the football.

Hey... Go deep. Go deep.

Attaboy. Here.

Throw it to me.
Throw it to Daddy.

Here we go. Throw the football.

Attaboy!

What an arm on that kid.

And look at this,
guys. Boxing gloves.

All right, remember. Hey.

[TOUGH-GUY ACCENT] No
hitting below the diaper, huh?

Hey, Jess.

How come this was in
the bottom of the hamper?

Um... the freezer was full.

Okay... Ooh, a lot
of new toys here.

Oh, my goodness. Who
is this charming fellow?

Oh. That's, uh, Kickboxing Kurt.

And he's not
charming, he's lethal.

Look here. He's double-jointed.

He can kick a guy in the neck

and kneecaps at the same time.

Do-da-doy-yo-doy-ya!

Here you go.

That's sweet, Jess,

but how come they can't also
play with Baby Love-button?

Because it's wrong. I'm so...

You know what? I don't
make the rules. I'm sorry.

There you go. Who
does make the rules?

Clint Eastwood?

Jess, I want Nicky and Alex

to have a full
range of experience

and grow up to be
well-rounded human beings.


Do you know what a little boy

who plays with baby
dolls could grow up to be?

An accordion player?

No! Just a guess. Uh...

He just might grow
up to be a terrific father.

Think about it.

[CHILDREN CHATTERING]

Rats.

I really thought we had a
sh*t at winning this one, guys.

All right.

Here you go.

Play with Baby Love-button.

Grow up to be warm,
sensitive, caring men.

Actually, it doesn't
sound too bad, does it?

Whoa-ho-ho-ho. No, no, no.

Alex, you're getting tread marks

on Baby Love-button's
face there.

There we go. Now, that's not how

you hold a baby.

Come here. Here we go.

Let me show you how a real man

holds a baby, okay?

Lookit. Uh-oh.

See?

Uh-oh. Isn't that nice?

Want to try to hold a baby?

Here. Okay, come on.

See how we hold him? Uh-oh.

See? Uh-oh.

Will you give me a big
hug? Give me a big hug.

Dad, are you sure you want to

break up with Vicky?

I'm not breaking up with her.

I just think that we
should date other people.

Kiss of death.

Dad, if you do this wrong,

it could sour Vicky on men

for the rest of her life.

It happened to
Thelma and Louise.

How can I tell her this
without hurting her?

Vicky's a wonderful person,

but this long-distance
relationship's just not working.

Yeah, I can use that.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

She's here.

I hope she can handle this.

Hi. Hi.

Hi.

Heh. Hi, girls.
How are you doing?

Hi. Great.

[CHUCKLES] And
I just want to say

it's really been
nice knowing you.

Excuse me?

Um, she means that...

it's really nice
knowing you're here.

Oh. Well, it's really
nice to be here.

I feel like we never get to
spend enough time together.

You're not the only one.

Uh, girls... BOTH: Yeah?

Get out.

Right.

Just remember, Vicky,
not all men are rats.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

[CHUCKLES] So,
uh... here we are... Hm.

Alone at last.

Just the two of us.

Just Vicky and Danny.

Danny and... And Vicky.

Vicky...

Danny, I feel we
should see other people.

What?

Uh. I'm sorry to
blurt it out like that.

I just couldn't think of
a better way to say it.

How about, "You're wonderful,
I don't want to hurt you,

but this long-distance
relationship isn't working?"

Yes, that would
have been better.

Oh, Danny. Are you really happy

with the way things are going?

No. [SIGHS]

I was gonna tell
you the same thing

until you came through the door.

And... Vicky, now
that you're here, I...

I realize that I'd rather
see you one day a year

than somebody else
every day of the week.

Me too.

I guess this means

we're back where we started.

Yeah, miserable.

Suffering.

And lonely.

Tortured.

God, I want you.

Vicky...

I'm gonna fly to Chicago
one weekend a month.

And I'm gonna fly
to San Francisco

one weekend a month. Mm. Mm.

Let's just make sure it's not
the same weekend, okay?

[CHUCKLES] Okay. Hm.

"A is for alligator."

"B is for bear."

Michelle. Untie me.

My family's gonna
move without me.

Now you're getting it.

You're never letting me go?

It's for your own good.

You could at least
scratch my nose.

What happens if I get hungry?

Don't worry.

I'll bring you
breakfast and dinner.

What about lunch?

Sorry. I'll be at school.

Help!

Let me out! I can't hear you.

Help!

I can't hear you.
Let me out! Help!

Let me out! Help!
I can't hear you!

Help! Let me out!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

What's going on here?

Michelle, why did
you tie up Teddy?

Because he was moving away,

if you want to know.

Oh. I see.

Well, I don't want
him to move either.

Uh-oh. I'm never
getting out of here.

Yes you are. All right.

Now I won't have a
best friend anymore.

Well, Michelle, tying up Teddy

is not gonna stop
him from moving.

It was working till you came in.

Look, you guys... There you go.

I'm really sorry. I know
how much this hurts, okay?

When I was your age,
my dad was in the Army.

We moved all the time.

I said goodbye to
a lot of best friends.

And it always made
me feel very sad.

But then you know what happened?

I always made a new best friend.

But I don't want a new
best friend. I want Teddy.

JOEY: Well, that's okay.

You can keep your old friends

and make new best friends.

Because, um, well,
friends are, uh...

They're... They're
like, um, Jell-O.

Well, there's always
room for more.

And you know what else?

Now that you guys are
learning how to print,

you can write
each other letters.

And I'll leave all
my I's for you to dot.

I almost forgot.

I brought you Furry Murray.

But you love Furry Murray,

and you sleep with
him every night.

It's okay. I want
you to keep him.

[♪♪♪]

I have something for you too.

Here. You take Pinky.

Your favorite pig?

You're gonna need
someone to sleep with.

Thanks.

Uh, Michelle, I
think Teddy's parents

are wondering where he is.

Okay.

Well, goodbye.

Goodbye.

Mm.

It's okay, sweetheart.

Boys and girls, if you
thought dotting I's was fun,

you're gonna love crossing Ts.

Excuse me.

Everyone, say hello to Denise.

ALL: Hello, Denise.

She's joining us from
Mrs. Harris' class.

Denise...

why don't you take
that empty seat there

next to Michelle?

Hi, Michelle.

Hi.

You want to share lunches today?

No, thank you.

I got a bologna sandwich.

I have tuna.

I don't think that
goes with bologna.

I got potato chips.

What kind?

Sour cream and onion.

Really?

Sure. Why would I
lie about potato chips?

Sour cream and
onion is my favorite.

Me too.

The taste stays on the tongue

for a really long time.

Yeah. Sometimes when
my mommy kisses me,

she says, "Ew!

What have you been
eating?" [GIGGLES]

Shh.

BOTH: Shh.

We're making Ts.
Want to cross mine?

Cool.

You're good.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪
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