- Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.
- Hmm.
You notice anything different?
Let me see. You comb
your hair differently?
No.
- You took off a few pounds, Michelle?
- Daddy.
I'll give you a hint.
Oh, my goodness. You
got less teeth to brush there.
Two less teeth.
Whoa, a double hitter.
You better call the tooth fairy and
tell her to bring twice as much money.
- Hey, Michelle.
- Hi.
What did you guys
get at the mall?
Well, I got a T-shirt
and a belt and a cat toy.
But we don't have a cat.
I know, but the sales guy at
Stuff For Cats was so cute.
Wonder how this thing works.
Oh, I get it.
I wish I could go shopping.
Michelle, you went shopping
last Sunday with Dad.
That's not shopping. That's
Dad telling you what to try on.
Well, that's how it works.
Dad picked out all our
clothes when we were little kids.
Remember how he'd
hold up the outfit and say:
"Isn't that the cutest
thing you've ever seen?"
But I'm not a
little kid anymore.
- Do you wear makeup?
- No.
- Do you like boys?
- Ew.
Do you still talk to
your stuffed animals?
If I'm not mad at them.
- Little kid.
- Little kid.
- Hey, guys. MICHELLE: Hi.
- Hey, Michelle.
- Hi.
I got a surprise for you. I picked
it up on the way home from work.
I think you're gonna like it.
Let's see how it looks on you.
Isn't that the cutest
thing you've ever seen?
- Mmm, something smells good.
- Oh, bacon.
Hey, hey, hey, do you
guys mind? Huh, already.
Told you I smelled bacon.
Well, sorry, Danny, it
was a feeding frenzy.
I'd have made a grab for it
but I was afraid I'd lose a finger.
I can't believe these
paint samples. Look:
Blueberries and cream,
iced apricot, mocha frost.
I don't know whether they
put on two coats or two scoops.
- What are you painting?
- The Smash Club.
I'm doing a new renovation. It's so cool.
It's my club so I can decide the look.
I can decide the feel,
I can decide the mood.
- So, what are you gonna do?
- I don't know, I can't decide.
Well, the decision to
decide is a decision in itself.
That's heavy, Steve.
Yeah, Steve has gotten so deep
since he started that philosophy class.
Uh, well, um, actually, the guy at the
car wash had it tattooed on his back.
Jess, you gotta be careful.
- You cannot choose the wrong colors.
- Why?
Well, remember that
coffee shop on a Polk Street?
- Closed down in a week.
- Yeah, Cafe Black.
That place was so depressing.
It's true, hair boy.
The wrong color combinations
can make people physically ill.
In fact, blondie, your outfit's
making my eyes water.
Me? Your getup should
come with an airsick bag.
All right. All right,
fang, chill out.
Now, I've made my first
decision and I'm going with teal.
- What do you think?
- Teal? Ow.
What do you mean "ow"?
What "ow"? I like teal.
Well, you probably don't care that
teal was the color of Custer's last shirt.
Joey, wait a minute. What
do you know about chartreuse?
Taupe? What color
was the Titanic?
All right, you girls
better get going.
- Okay, Steph, here's your lunch money.
- Thanks, Dad.
- D.J.
- Thanks, Dad.
Thanks, Dad.
- Nice try, Kimmy.
- Hey, it worked last week.
- Come on, we're gonna be late.
- Not the way I drive.
Safely and carefully.
Okay, Michelle,
sweetheart, here's your lunch.
How come I can't buy my
lunch like Stephanie and D.J?
Sweetheart, I don't wanna worry
about you losing your lunch money.
Who else makes a happy face out of grape
jelly on your peanut butter sandwich, huh?
Once I close it, you
can't see it anymore...
but we both know it's
there, don't we, honey?
[CAR HONKING]
- That's my ride.
- Oh, okay. She'll be right there.
Here you go.
You have a good day,
all right, sweetheart?
Isn't that the cutest
thing you've ever seen?
Bye, Daddy.
Bye.
Bye, Comet.
Hey, Comet...
[WHIMPERING]
Isn't that the cutest
thing you ever seen?
[WHIMPERING]
JESSY: Maybe.
Maybe. If I had to.
Not in this lifetime.
Read me a story, please.
Oh, boys, this is not a
storybook. It's a sample book.
- Please, Daddy.
- Please, Daddy.
Okay, all right, all right. Come over
here. Hop on, guys. Come over here, son.
All right, ready?
Here we go. Okay.
Once upon a time, there lived a
handsome, well-coifed night club owner.
And, uh, he couldn't
make a decision.
He couldn't decide if he wanted this color
or this color or this color or this color.
And it was driving
him crazy, see? And...
[PHONE RINGING]
And then the phone rang. The end.
Okay, thank you, guys. Great story.
- Good story.
- Good story, Daddy.
Uh-hmm. Talk to me.
Oh, bathroom
fixtures? No. I go...
I'm sorry, I've got so many
decisions to make right now.
Look, why don't you guys send
something for me to look at...
and I'll just kind
of go with the flow?
Get it? Go with
the flow. Plumbing.
Hello? Hello?
- Hi, honey, how's it going?
- Oh, terrible.
I got so much riding on this
and I can't make a decision.
I never knew it
would be this difficult.
I mean, I got floorings and wallpaper.
I think my head's gonna explode.
Oh, honey, your head's
not gonna explode.
It might get a slow leak.
Oh, Jess, see if you can
get Alex to use the potty.
He's doing his gotta-go dance.
Oh, yeah, yeah, all right.
Come on. Come on, son.
DENISE: There's Derek.
- Let's throw the Frisbee.
Derek, why are you eating?
Lunch isn't for an hour.
I just can't get through
recess without a rice cake.
Save some for me. I
forgot to bring my lunch.
Then you should buy
your lunch in the cafeteria.
- I'm not allowed to buy my own lunch.
- Why not?
Because my dad
makes my jelly smile.
Okay.
Hey, let's throw the Frisbee.
You know, my dog can catch
one of these in his mouth.
So can my brother.
Okay, here it goes.
Wow, it just floated
right up there.
Why don't you float
up there and get it?
I'll go. I'm not afraid
of climbing that.
Me neither. Let's do it.
Come on, Michelle. Are
you afraid to come up?
No, I'm just afraid to
come down really hard.
Don't worry, it's easy.
Hey, honey. Look,
you forgot your lunch.
Thanks, Dad.
You know what? You
forgot something else.
Must have fallen off
on the way to school.
Actually, Comet found it.
It's really funny,
he was wearing it.
It was the cutest
thing you ever saw.
Uh, gotta go, Dad. We
have a Frisbee situation.
Hold on. I don't want you
climbing up there, sweetheart.
That's really
dangerous. Here we go.
Hey, Michelle, this is cool.
I can see the top
of your dad's head.
Denise, I want you to come
down from there right now, honey.
That's it. Good.
Come on over that
pole very slowly, that's it.
Just be careful.
DENISE: Okay.
- Okay.
I would have been careful.
Oh, I know you would
have been, sweetheart.
Why don't you go play on
the teeter-totter now, okay?
And I promise, when you come home,
I'll show you the top of my head. Okay?
I gotta go pick up Vicky
so if you would wear that...
Now let me give you a big kiss.
[GIRLS GIGGLING]
What's wrong?
I don't want a kiss.
- Why not?
- Stop treating me like a little baby.
[BELL RINGING]
Danny, it was one of the
greatest stories I ever covered.
When the sultan agreed to let me
interview him, I thought I would die.
Uh-huh.
And everything was going
great until that camel exploded.
Yeah, that can happen.
Did you know that those humps
are filled with candy like a piñata?
Life's like that.
Are those scuff marks
on your kitchen floor?
What? I just waxed. Where?
Well, I finally got
your attention.
Oh, I'm sorry, Vicky. I can't
stop thinking about Michelle.
Why wouldn't she kiss me?
Do I embarrass her?
I didn't start to embarrass D.J. or
Stephanie until they were 10 or 11.
Well, kids nowadays get embarrassed
by their parents at a much younger age.
- Hi, Stephanie. Hi, Michelle.
STEPH: Hey, Vicky. Hi, Dad.
Hey, Steph.
- Hi, Vicky.
- Hi, honey.
Father.
Did you see that?
She's so angry with me.
She said I treat
her like a baby.
Well, Dad, sometimes you
can be a little overprotective.
- Me?
- Yeah.
Last week I was at the
mall talking to Lucas Killian...
the cutest boy in my class.
Dad notices my shoes were untied,
so he gets down on the floor to tie them.
I was afraid you would trip.
I did, over you.
- Hey, guys. DANNY: Hey.
I need your help. I'm finally
close to making a decision, okay?
Tell me which cup you like
for the Smash Club, all right?
This one says, "Here's a club that
gives me a lot of value for my money."
And this one says:
"Boy, this place must be hip
because I'm getting ripped off."
Uncle Jesse, some guy just
brought some more samples.
- They're in the living room.
- Okay.
More samples? Jess,
you gotta do something.
This is starting to
look like a showroom.
- I mean, neighbors are starting to browse.
- All right, all right.
You know what? I'm ready to
sit down and make a decision.
And I've got just the
place for you to sit.
Good.
You know, that's
an interesting look...
but personally, I would
have gone with chairs.
What is this? What did I...? I
wanted a catalogue or something.
Well, good luck, Uncle Jesse.
And don't forget to put the seat down.
Oh, sorry, I'll come back later.
Get back here. I'm in trouble.
Well, try reading the newspaper.
It always works for me.
I mean, I can't make a decision, Joey.
This whole thing is so overwhelming.
The Smash Club, you know
what, is going right down the...
You get the picture. I
don't know what to do.
- Jess? JESSY: Hmm.
Don't get up.
Would you like chicken
or hamburger for dinner?
Becky, I don't know. I don't
know. I can't take it anymore.
- I don't know. I can't take the pressure.
- Okay. Fish.
Fine, fine. I give up.
You know what, I give up.
Honey, you're right. You're putting
too much pressure on yourself.
Now, just sit down here...
- Actually, we can do this standing.
- Yeah.
Now, sweetheart,
think back a little bit.
What was the easiest
decision you ever made?
Well, the day I
decided to marry you.
Aw...
And why was that so easy?
Because I knew I loved you and
I had this incredibly good feeling.
Okay, which toilet gives you
that same incredibly good feeling?
I don't know, we just met.
Oh, come on, Jess.
Which one of these beauties can you
see yourself walking down the beach with?
Well, promise you
won't get jealous?
To be honest with you, I did
get all tingly when I saw this one.
Well, you've just selected
the "Flush Master 2000."
It's a dandy for your
fanny. "Chicago, 60609."
Congratulations, Jess,
you've just made a decision.
Yeah, I did, didn't
I? Feels kind of good.
Here's the catch. I just gotta
go with my instinct, that's all.
- I think it's gonna be beautiful.
- Thank you.
Potty.
Oh, not just any potty, son.
That's the Flush Master
2000. I picked it myself.
Potty now.
Jess, he's serious. He's
finally ready to use the potty.
My man. No, no, no.
No, son, no, son, no, son.
These are loners.
Uh, uh...
This might help you out, buddy.
Thank you, Joey.
- Hi, Michelle.
- Hi.
I know you were upset
about what happened today...
and I think I understand why.
Why?
Well, honey, I've been
having a hard time letting go.
After all, you're my last baby.
I mean, you're my last big girl.
And from now on, that's how I'm
gonna be treating you, like a big girl.
- Really?
- Really.
Can I pick out my own clothes?
Yeah, I think you're ready.
Can I bring lunch money?
Long as you don't
blow it all on pudding.
Can I get a tattoo?
Only if it washes
off in the tub, okay?
All right, deal.
Okay.
And, sweetheart, look, if, uh, it
embarrasses you when I kiss you...
I'm gonna try to remember
and respect that, okay?
Thanks.
Okay. Night, Michelle.
Night, Daddy.
Night.
[CHILDREN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
I wonder if Ms. Ryan knows
she didn't give us any homework.
- I better go back and check.
- No.
Send her a postcard.
Hey, guys, spread out.
Here, Derek.
It's all in the wrist.
Way to go, Derek,
you're two for two.
- Sorry.
- I'll get it.
I thought your dad said
you couldn't climb up there.
I can if I want
to. I'm a big girl.
You threw it. Why
don't you get it?
I would, but I can't
take the chance.
Cello.
Hey, I made it.
I'm really up here.
Michelle, this is Derek
S. Boyd speaking.
Whatever you do,
don't look down.
Too late.
[WHIMPERING]
Michelle, are you
coming down or what?
I can't, I'm too scared.
Hey, Derek. Hey, Denise. Where's
Michelle? I haven't seen her.
You're not looking high enough.
- Daddy!
- Michelle, what are you doing?
Holding on really tight.
She climbed to the top,
sir, and I believe she choked.
Daddy, I can't get
down. Come and get me.
Honey, you can
do this on your own.
Just come back down
the same way you went up.
I can't. I'm sorry, I'll wear the hat, I
won't buy lunch, I won't get a tattoo.
Just get me down.
Honey, did you hear me? I
said you're a big girl, okay?
You can do this on your own.
- Are you sure?
- I'm positive.
A really great man once said:
"The only thing we
have to fear is fear itself."
I believe falling is
also a consideration.
Michelle, honey, I know you
can do this. I'm right behind you.
I'm not gonna let you fall.
Just come down slowly.
Okay.
DANNY: Good, that's it.
Now, it's just like a step now.
There's a metal pole there.
That's right. Easy now.
Just step. That's
good. Just like a ladder.
Michelle, you're doing this
all by yourself. I'm not helping.
You're almost there,
just like two more steps.
You did it, honey.
[CHILDREN CHEERING]
Well, that was exhilarating.
Okay, show's over. There's
nothing more to see here.
Thanks for helping
me down, Daddy.
You're welcome. I
kind of remember telling
you not to climb up
there in the first place.
But you said I was a big girl. I
thought I could decide for myself.
Yeah, well, part
of being a big girl...
is knowing whether what
you're doing is dangerous or not.
I didn't know that part.
I think it's gonna
take a little while for
both of us to get used
to you being a big girl.
We'll help each other.
It's a deal.
[SIGHING]
Michelle, you didn't have to
kiss me in front of all your friends.
I know, but I wanted to.
I'm a big girl, it
was my decision.
I can live with that.
Okay, second show's over.
Nothing more to see here.
Okay, why don't you
grab your backpack?
- So do you wanna drive home or should I?
- I'll drive.
You're gonna drive? Know
how to work an a*t*matic?
Okay.