All right, guys, let's
get your hands in there
while the plaster's
still wet. Ready, go.
JESSE: Okay, good. Squish
them in there nice and good.
That's good. Okay,
guys, how does that feel?
- Icky.
- Icky.
All right. Then it
worked. Here we go.
What we're gonna do is let these dry and
we're gonna cut them into a heart shape.
Then we're gonna watch
mommy's face light up...
when we give them to her.
This is gonna be the best
Mother's Day present ever.
Hey, plaster paws.
No offense, but I really don't
think Becky wants your handprints.
These are for my mom.
All right, boys, your hands
are all de-ickafied now.
You guys excited
about Mother's Day?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Do you even know what
Mother's Day is? BOTH: No.
Okay, guys, Mother's
Day is a day...
where we show mommy
how much we love her, okay?
We're gonna get up early,
gonna make her breakfast...
gonna give her our presents and
then we're gonna sing her a song.
- You guys wanna sing her a song?
- Yes.
Do you even know a song?
- No.
- No.
I figured.
Come on. We got a lot of
work to do. Let's go. Come on.
[PHONE RINGING]
- Oh, Joey, can you get that?
- Yeah, no problem.
Problem. Problem.
Oh, boy.
Oh, magic cue ball, when I
grow up, will I be president?
[GROANS]
Governor?
Milk monitor?
All right.
You can't really believe that
hunk of plastic can tell the future?
Oh, yes, I can.
This morning, I asked it if I was
going to wear a pink flower dress...
and what am I wearing?
Michelle, you decided
to wear that dress.
I'm sorry, but the magic cue
ball had nothing to do with it.
But I don't even like this
dress. I was hoping for a no.
And after the movie, Jamie's taking
me to the drive-thru at the Burger Shack.
Well, he's not driving,
his mother's driving.
But we have the
whole back seat...
so it's almost like we
have complete privacy.
Well, that's great, Steph.
It's kind of like your
own little love nest,
18 inches from the
back of his mom's neck.
Yeah.
Boy, D.J., this is weird.
Usually it's you going on a
date and Steph's staying home.
Well, Michelle,
I'm here by choice.
You know, ever since I broke up with
Steve, I just haven't felt ready to date.
Deej, you're not
gonna believe this.
Steve has a date
with Ada Coulin.
Now, I'm ready to date.
Uh, Jamie's cousin is in
from college next week.
Really? What does he look like?
Well, I've only seen a
picture, but he's cute.
Cute is good.
Then again, everybody's
cute sitting on Santa's lap.
[CAR HORN HONKING]
Oh. That's Jamie.
His mom lets him honk.
- So you wanna go out with his cousin?
- Sure.
Um, you can give him my phone number,
but don't make me sound too desperate.
Hmm.
That was my main selling point.
DANNY: Bye, honey.
- See you guys later.
Hmm. Well, Deej, I
have a date myself...
and just need a few
things to finish off this outfit.
Lighter fluid and a Zippo?
Wait up.
[DANNY CHUCKLES]
It's nice to see D.J. back
in the swing of things.
Yes, it is.
It would also be nice to see you
back in the swing of things too.
- It's Saturday night, you have any plans?
- Yeah, I got big plans.
I'm gonna take a nap.
Get myself good and
groggy for bedtime.
Danny, I think this is a good time
to bring up the name Leona Stickle.
Leona Stickle? From the
station? Becky, she's a kid.
She's 25 and she can't
take her eyes off you.
She's a cameraperson,
it's her job.
I don't see the other camera
people looking at you like that.
You mean Gus, Phil and Tony?
Danny, it's time you blew the
dust off the old bottle of Brut...
and made yourself
a love connection.
[DANNY LAUGHS]
Okay, I'll give Leona a call.
I got nothing to lose
but 23 hours of sleep.
Aw, welcome back.
Okay, boys. Pay
close attention here...
because I'm about to teach you this
very wonderful Mother's Day song, okay?
- Okey-dokey.
- Okay, very good.
Now, I'm gonna sing my part and Joey's
gonna sing your part. Right, Joseph?
[IN HIGH VOICE] Okey-dokey.
Okay, all right, here we go.
You guys ready? Here we go.
[SINGING] What day is today?
And this will be your part.
[SINGING IN HIGH VOICE]
Today is Mother's Day
What day is today?
Your part again.
Today is Mother's Day
- Thank you, Joseph.
- You're welcome, Jesse.
[TWINS GIGGLE]
It's gonna be the greatest Mother's
Day ever and you know why?
Because you're old enough to
do something special for mom.
JESSE: This is how
the schedule goes.
We're gonna wake up, we're
gonna make her breakfast.
We're gonna give her our gifts,
then we're gonna sing her this song.
Trust me, guys, she's gonna
melt into a big puddle of mommy.
All right? Come on,
let's try this song.
[SINGING] What day is today?
I don't know.
Well, it's... It's Mother's Day.
Happy Mother's Day.
No, guys, today isn't
Mother's Day per se.
It's more... It's Sunday.
Come on, guys, this is for
Mommy, so let's get it perfect, okay?
Here we go, take two.
[SINGING] What day is today?
Can't do it.
- Why not?
- Mommy's not here.
Yes, guys, I realize that Mommy's not
here... Please, kids, let's concentrate.
Now, we gotta make this
thing perfect for Mommy.
JESSE: Let's
try it from the top.
JESSE: You ready?
- No.
Hey, get back... Come on, guys, we
have to learn this song for mommy.
Oh, magic cue ball, will
D.J.'s date tonight be cute?
Michelle, cute isn't everything.
It's more about his sense
of humor, his personality.
Okay. Oh, magic cue ball...
will D.J.'s date tonight
have a good personality?
You better hope he's cute.
Well, what do you think? Do I
look ready for my big date or what?
I even, uh... I even high
buffed the shoes, ha-ha.
- Wow, Dad, you look
great. DANNY: Mm.
And cool socks. Where
did you get them?
Oh, thanks. These
socks? I got them, uh...
Oh, my God. Vicky
gave me these socks.
I... What if Leona asks
me where I got them?
I... I can't talk about one woman's
socks on a date with another woman.
Trust me, Dad, if you're
talking about your socks...
date's already
dead in the water.
No, you know what? I think I'm gonna
go for that hip sock-less European look.
Of course, at the end of the night,
I'm gonna have to burn these shoes.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll get it.
Don't worry, Dad.
I asked the magic cue ball if you guys
were gonna have a fun time tonight...
and it said it's
absolutely certain.
Thanks, but I think the only
thing that's absolutely certain is...
I should have shaved my ankles.
- Hi, I'm Roger. D.J.: Hi.
- Uh, you D.J.?
- I certainly hope so, ha-ha.
I mean yes.
- Come on in.
- Okay.
- Um, Roger, this is everybody.
- Hi.
STEPH: Hi.
- Hi.
Wow, you've really
grown since Christmas '78.
Uh, excuse me, I'm, uh...
- I'm sorry. D.J.: Ha.
- I'm D.J.'s dad.
- How you doing?
Good. I couldn't help but notice
you've got a fine mustache there.
Oh, thanks. You ought to
see it in natural light, ha-ha.
Just out of parental
curiosity, um, how old are you?
- I'm 20.
- Twenty.
Big 2-0.
No longer a teen,
but dating one.
- Dad, you're embarrassing me.
- Did you see his mustache?
I can't even grow a
mustache like that.
Dad, I'm 17, he's 20.
- There's only three years difference.
- Only three years?
That's an entire
lifetime for a goldfish.
I'll be fine, ha-ha.
- Roger, we better get going.
- Right.
- Well, good night, Mr. Tanner.
- Sorry.
[80'S MUSIC PLAYING
AND PEOPLE CHATTERING]
So I started off
with a full beard.
I trimmed it down to a goatee, but
that didn't really worked out so well.
So I lost the beard and
grew the mustache back...
which is the look you're
enjoying today, ha, ha, ha.
Yeah, it really brings
out your nostrils.
Oh, look at this. Uh,
Mr. and Mrs. Bush.
They recommend the
Michael Dukakis burger.
Ooh, ha-ha.
That... That's my daughter, D.J.
Deej.
D.J.: Dad.
- Hey, ha-ha.
What are you doing here?
What happened to that fancy
restaurant you were going to?
We were gonna go there, but we
decided it was, you know, too '90s.
ROGER: Hmm.
- Oh, D.J., Roger, this is, uh, Leona.
D.J. & LEONA: Hi.
- How do you do?
Great mustache.
Well, thank you. It, uh,
started off as a full beard.
Really?
Uh, ha, you know, it's a long
story. It was nice chatting with you.
- Why don't you join us?
- No, we'd really...
- Oh, love to.
- We'd really love to.
- D.J.?
- Arthur?
I thought I recognized
the back of your head.
[D.J. LAUGHS]
Arthur sits behind
me in Biology.
Well, uh, I'll see you around.
Or from behind.
Or whatever.
[DANNY CHUCKLES]
So, uh... where were we?
Leona, your eyes, what
would you call them?
Green?
Well, I call the left one green,
I call the right one tiger. Rawr!
[ROGER LAUGHING AND
THEN LEONA LAUGHING]
Leona, what do you say we take a
little walk over to the, uh, lobster t*nk?
Oh, I would love that, Rog.
Those two...
they're not coming
back, are they?
Excuse me, Arthur.
Where's your lobster t*nk?
We don't have one.
No, Dad, they're
not coming back.
Wasn't there a foursome here?
Actually, it started
off as a twosome...
then became a foursome,
but went back to a twosome.
A different twosome.
A depressed twosome.
Just think, if I hadn't asked,
I wouldn't have known.
Man, this dating thing
is tougher than I thought.
And getting
tougher all the time.
- Hi, guys.
- Hi.
Hi, Steve.
So, ha, isn't this a great
place to bring a date?
Or a parent?
Right, well, uh, anyway,
this is Ada Coulin.
- Ada, this is Mr. Tanner and this is D.J.
- Hi.
D.J.?
Ah, what a coincidence.
- Steve, you used to date a D.J.
- Yeah.
[ADA LAUGHING]
Oh, Steve, there's Pac-Man.
[ADA GASPS]
I have his autograph at home.
Well, that's... That's
wonderful, Ada.
Well, why don't we go
see if he remembers you?
- Bye.
- See you later, Deej.
That was fixed up.
[D.J. GROANS]
What a night.
Yeah, I've had better.
Like every one before this.
- Hey, D.J. D.J.: Hey, Arthur.
Um, my shift is over and
I'm going to Samantha's party.
If you're going, I
can give you a lift.
Oh, no, I think I'm just gonna
hang out here with my friend, Dad.
No, you know what?
Don't worry about me.
I assume you have a
license and you've passed...
- an approved driver's ed. course?
- Yeah.
You know what
then? Go, go have fun.
You're young. Get out of
here before life passes you by.
[SIGHS]
You wind up sitting alone
in a trendy restaurant...
with hairy ankles and
socks in your pocket.
Are you sure you don't mind?
I'll be fine. Have fun.
- Thanks, Dad. You're the best.
- I am, aren't I?
- Bye. D.J.: Bye.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Loneliness... thy name is Danny.
Have you seen the busboy?
Yeah, he just left
with my daughter.
Would you feel the grease on
this table? You can fry an egg on it.
Really?
- Can I... Can I help you?
- Oh, please.
Great. Excuse me.
My mom used to have
a little cleaning rhyme.
She said, "When you've cleaned
your place, you can see your face."
There I am, ha-ha.
- Enjoy.
- Why, thank you. That's very sweet.
You don't see that combination of
chivalry and compulsiveness anymore.
At least I got
that going for me.
Sit.
Sit.
Yes, ma'am.
Are we feeling a little
sorry for ourselves?
Yes, we are.
My little daughter's magic cue ball
said that tonight was gonna be a fun night.
I mean, I know it's
just a silly little toy,
but I was kind of
hoping it would be right.
Well, you never know
what's around the corner.
- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi, Mom.
Sorry I'm late.
This is... I'm sorry, I
didn't catch your name.
Mom, that's Danny Tanner.
- He's the star of Wake Up, San Francisco.
- Oh.
I know this is
gonna sound silly...
but I've had a crush on
you for the longest time.
Hello, darling.
[BECKY SQUEALS]
- Jess.
- Yes?
Let's not do anything
the boys won't let us finish.
The boys are downstairs with
Joey. And I'm just getting started.
[BECKY LAUGHS]
- Mama, Mama, Mama.
- Mama, Mama, Mama.
TWINS: Mama.
Now, I'm finished.
- Mommy, happy Mother's Day.
- Happy Mother's Day.
BECKY: Oh, oh.
- Guys, guys, guys, guys...
Mother's Day is not until
tomorrow. What are you doing?
- I love Mama tonight.
- Oh, come here. I love you.
Joey, what are you doing?
I thought you were gonna
occupy the kids. We had a plan.
Well, the boys had a better one,
biting my ankles until I gave in.
Oh, honey, it's okay.
Look, they've brought
us a snack. Mm-mm.
Presents, Mama.
Yeah, Beck, the boys
whipped a little, uh...
doughnut, candy,
guacamole buffet together.
Of course, I added the
Doritos for fiber content.
Beck, we had this whole
great morning planned out.
We were gonna make this
breakfast with heart-shaped omelet...
with a parsley arrow
going through it.
Guys, listen, take Joey
downstairs, occupy him.
We're gonna do whole
thing right tomorrow.
- Happy Mother's Day.
- Happy Mother's Day.
Oh, thank you. Let
me see what you...
[BECKY GASPING]
- I made that one.
- Oh, let me see.
Oh, tha... Oh, Jess.
These little handprints
are adorable.
Guys, not the presents. We were
supposed to wrap them up nice.
We had this special
Mother's Day wrapping.
When am I gonna use
that again this year?
Time to sing the song.
- Aw, they're gonna sing me a song.
- No. I draw the line at the song.
Guys, we have to save
something for tomorrow.
- Sing it now. Sing it now.
- Sing it now. Sing it now.
[IN UNISON] Sing
it now. Sing it now.
Joey!
I happen to like the song.
Oh, come on, Jess,
let's hear the song.
All right, all right. Everyone
sit down. Everyone sit down.
[JESSE SIGHS]
[SINGING] What day is today
Although it's actually tomorrow?
- Today is Mother's Day
- Today is Mother's Day
What day is today? Rug rats
couldn't wait another 12 hours
- Today is Mother's Day
- Today is Mother's Day
There. Okay, everyone happy?
Mother's Day is ruined.
Ah, Beck, I just... I just wanted the
whole day to be perfect and now...
Honey, it is perfect.
I mean, who cares if the
presents aren't wrapped...
or if I'm eating a Dorito
breakfast at 8:00 at night.
I mean, the point of Mother's Day is to
show your mom how much you love her.
And right now I
feel pretty loved.
And I love that you guys
did this all by yourselves.
- Come here, give me a
hug. Yeah. TWINS: Yeah.
Oh, I love you. Oh, I...
You know, Beck, I
helped out quite a bit.
I mean, when those kids came to
me, they didn't even know that song.
I know, I know.
Hey, boys, come here. I
gotta tell you something.
I'm sorry I pushed you guys. I
was just trying to make it perfect.
Oh, thank you, my baby. My
baby, thank you. Thank you.
No, you guys had the right idea.
After all, she is
your mommy, right?
Aw, Jess, let's face it.
We have the greatest
kids in the world.
[JOEY WHINING]
All three of them.
- Come over here, you're a baby too.
- Come on, Joey.
[LAUGHTER]
Wait for it.
Now.
D.J., how do you breathe?
[D.J. LAUGHS]
Arthur, I'd like you
to meet my sisters.
- Hi, how you doing?
- Hello.
But don't get too attached, they
might not be living much longer.
So, uh, I guess I'll see
you in Biology on Monday.
Great. And, uh, I think I'll
be turning around a lot more.
Bye.
Good night, Arthur.
Now, correct me if I'm wrong...
but wasn't Roger taller,
broader and not named Arthur?
It's a long story. Where's Dad?
- He's not home yet.
- He's not?
I left him hours ago.
He could be walking the
streets miserable and alone.
[SINGING] Hello,
my darling daughters
Boy, I've never seen
him so depressed.
[DANNY LAUGHS]
Dad, what happened?
Are you okay?
This has been an amazing night.
I was just sitting there
all depressed and alone...
saying to myself over and over
again, "I will not cry, I will not cry."
Then all of a sudden, this
really sweet older lady...
asked me to help her
get grease off of her table.
Of course, I came to the rescue.
Next thing I know, I'm Rollerblading...
through Golden Gate Park
with her beautiful daughter.
Wow.
Yeah, I had a really
great time tonight too.
I guess we're back
in circulation, ha-ha.
- Groovy, man.
- Hey, solid.
I am never wearing socks again.
Now, Deej, wait.
How did Roger turn into Arthur?
And what happened to Leona?
Why am I so out of the loop?
See? The magic cue ball said you
guys were gonna have a fun night.
Michelle, D.J. and I
didn't have a fun night...
just because the magic
cue ball said we would.
We had a good time because we decided
to stop feeling sorry for ourselves...
and, you know, just go out
and take fate into our own hands.
- Does that make any sense?
- If you say so.
- Good night.
- Good night, Daddy.
Get in bed. I'll be right up.
All right, it's just you and me.
Okay, if I take Bernadette out
Rollerblading on our second date...
am I gonna stay
on my feet this time?
I saw that, Daddy.
Sweetheart, I was
just... I was just, uh...
I'm just buffing up
the old magic cue ball.
Yeah, right.