♪ Come and listen to my
story 'bout a man named Jed
♪ A poor mountaineer
barely kept his family fed
♪ And then one day he
was sh**ting at some food
♪ And up through the
ground come a-bubbling crude
♪ Oil, that is ♪
Black gold Texas tea
♪ Well, the first thing you
know old Jed's a millionaire
♪ The kinfolk said "Jed,
move away from there"
♪ Said "California's
the place you oughta be"
♪ So they loaded up the
truck and they moved to Beverly
♪ Hills, that is
♪ Swimming pools Movie stars ♪
The Beverly Hillbillies.
DRYSDALE:
Congratulations, Lieutenant.
You've apprehended the most
vicious criminal since Jesse James,
and you're going to receive a
handsome reward from my bank.
Oh, just doing my job,
Mr. Drysdale. I don't want any reward.
No, no, no. I insist.
Miss Hathaway, see
that this fine detective
receives one of
our new calendars.
All right, Foxy.
Foxhall, sir. Colonel
Gaylord Merriwether Foxhall.
Ah. Colonel Baloney. You're
a thief and an extortionist.
- Hanging's too good for you.
- Now, take it easy, Mr. Drysdale.
He tried to blackmail
Mr. Clampett for a million dollars.
I know the charge.
The moment Mr. Clampett
identifies him, he'll be arraigned.
I'll identify him.
- He's a crook and a m*rder*r.
- m*rder*r?
That million dollars would
have come from my bank.
And believe me, that
would have k*lled him.
Stand aside, you
miserable money merchant.
You touch me with that and you'll
receive the thrashing of your life.
- Now, look...
- That did it!
- Thrash him, Miss Hathaway.
- Chief, control yourself.
Would you please drive him
around the block till he cools off?
Of course, Lieutenant.
Keep your eyes open for
the colonel's accomplice.
She may still be hiding
in the neighborhood.
Oh, yes, that's the young lady
who claimed to be Emaline
Fetty from back in the hills.
LIEUTENANT: Actually, her
name is Rita Rio, alias Country Kate,
and she's one of the cleverest
girls in the whole extortion racket.
She's a shameless Jezebel.
She deliberately tricked Mr. Clampett
into a compromising situation
and took pictures with
which to blackmail...
Mr. Drysdale, we
know what she did.
The moment she's
apprehended, she'll go to jail.
If the Clampetts find her
first, she'll never make it to jail.
- What do you mean?
- Did you ever hear of mountain justice?
An eye for an eye?
They're probably out right now
tracking down that girl
with their trusty bloodhound.
Mr. Drysdale's dog
can sit up and speak.
You can't even fetch
a stick. Now, watch.
Go on. Fetch it. Go on,
get it, boy. Get it, go on.
Now, watch.
Jethro.
- Duke?
- Jethro, come over here.
I wanna talk to you.
Listen, Duke, when I said that
Mr. Drysdale's dog could speak,
I didn't mean words.
I meant woofs and
barks and... [BARKS]
Like that. You know?
- Emaline?
- Shh.
- Help me over.
- Well, where you been?
- I been hiding.
- Well, who from?
- The police.
- What for?
They think I was trying
to trick y'all out of money.
You, a dumb old
country girl, trick us?
- That's a laugh.
- Yeah, ain't it, though?
Well, everybody knowed the
Fettys was the dumbest, tackiest,
homeliest bunch in the hills.
I know it.
Oh, come on, now,
don't go to bawling.
For somebody to come from a
box of culls, you ain't such a mess.
Thank you, Jethro.
And as for being dumb,
you gotta remember,
next to me purt near
anybody'd look dumb.
That's true.
Hey, did I tell you that I
graduated sixth grade?
Yeah. I still don't
believe it, though.
It's true. I'm
deciding on a career.
I mean, you know, what I'm
gonna make my life's work.
What's it gonna be?
Well, I'm kind of torn betwixt an
atomic scientist and a fry cook.
Gee, I wish I was
as smart as you,
'cause then I could figure out
how to get away from the police.
I'll think of something for you.
Oh, would you, Jethro?
Why, sure.
It'd be a shame to let a
education like mine go to waste.
Besides, I kind of like you.
You're just teasing me.
Oh, no, I ain't. Why, at
one time I was thinking of...
Jethro, remember you were
gonna help me figure out
how to get away from the police?
Oh, yeah. I'll set right down
here and get my brain to clicking.
I think better setting.
Let's see... I sure
do appreciate this.
[SNORES]
- Jethro.
- [SNORES]
- Jethro.
- Did I think of something?
Oh, yeah, and you
talked in your sleep too.
What'd I say?
Well, you said since the police were
looking for a dumb old country girl
that I ought to sneak
up them back stairs
and put on one of them
fancy dresses that Elly give me.
Yeah?
Then you said you'd learn me
how to be a sophisticated city girl
and the police'd
never know it was me.
Hot dog! I sure come
up with a dandy, didn't I?
You sure did.
And that was just while
my brain was a-coasting.
Think of what I'd
have come up with
if I'd have throwed that
scamp into high gear.
It plumb scares
me to think about it.
I'll sneak you up
the back steps.
Oh, Jethro, now, this
has gotta be very secret.
Oh, you can count on me.
Uh-oh. There is one
way it could slip out.
How?
That dumb old hound dog.
I learned him to talk.
For the last time,
I implore you,
do not summon
Mr. Clampett to this door
and unleash upon my snowy brow
the fearful fury of
mountain vengeance.
Mr. Clampett has to identify
you and sign a complaint.
Then I warn you, my
blood is on your hands,
and upon your conscience
the everlasting...
Well, doggies.
I thought I heard
speech-making out here.
Come on in, Colonel
Foxhole. You too, young fella.
That is Foxhall.
Oh, glad to meet
you, Mr. Foxhall.
You two got names a
heap alike, ain't you?
My name is Richards.
- I'm a bunco specialist.
- A bunco specialist?
Yes, sir, I handle frauds,
swindles, blackmails, things like that.
Maybe it's none of
my business, Colonel,
but why would you wanna
take up with a swindler?
- No, no, you don't understand...
- Well, look who's here.
Colonel Foxhole. And
who's this young fella?
- Granny, the name is Foxhall.
- Howdy, Mr. Foxhall.
No, no, I'm not Foxhall.
He claims he's Richards, but I hear tell
that criminals change their names a lot.
Criminals?
He admits to being a
swindler and a blackmailer.
Just a minute. Let me see if I
can get this straightened out.
My name is Frank Richards,
Lieutenant Frank Richards.
Now he's claiming
to be in the army.
No, no. I'm with a
protective association.
I'm a detective. I'm a
plain-clothes operative.
An investigator.
Son, if you'd just tell the
truth to commence with,
you wouldn't get
mixed up like this.
Hey, what are y'all doing out
here? Oh, howdy, Colonel Foxhole.
Foxhall. Foxhall.
No use calling him that. He
won't answer to that name.
Before things become any more
confused, we're here for one purpose.
To have you identify
a criminal. Now...
How can I do that when you can't
make up your own mind who you are?
- Is he a criminal?
- Indeed he is, Jethro.
- Seize him.
- Now, wait a minute.
- I got him.
- Excellent.
Now, you hold him
while I go summon help.
Stop him! Let go.
Uncle Jed, he's got
a g*n under his coat.
The dickens you say.
- Why, that ornery rascal.
- Now, look...
Young fella, it's bad
enough being a swindler,
but when you come into
my home toting a p*stol,
you done muddied up my crick.
You're gonna get a whupping.
Take him to the
woodshed, Jethro.
We ain't got no woodshed.
I'll take him to the cellar.
- Put me down!
- Now, you just stop squirming.
Hey, Jethro, what you got there?
I got me a little old
swindler, that's what.
What you doing with him?
I'm taking him
down to the cellar.
Miss, can you make
him turn loose of me?
- I sure can.
- You can't neither.
- I can too.
- You can't.
- Can.
- Can't.
- I'll show you.
- Ow!
Huh. Now I got me
a little old swindler.
You give me back my swindler.
Chief, why don't we
go back to the bank?
You'll just get yourself
worked up again.
I wanna make sure that crooked
colonel gets his just desserts.
- Then I'd better come with you.
- What for?
You may wanna thrash him again.
You got a smart mouth.
- Howdy, Mr. Drysdale. Come in, come in.
- Thank you, Mr. Clampett.
- You missed the big excitement.
- Oh, really?
- We done nabbed us a swindler.
- Oh, yes, I know about that.
- Where is the scoundrel?
- Got him tied up down the cellar.
Oh, good, good. I was hoping you'd
give him a taste of mountain justice.
He's a crook, a
charlatan, a blackmailer.
He may be all
that, Mr. Drysdale.
- But you got to admire his spunk.
- Spunk?
Granny done dusted
his breeches twice
and he still claims
to being a detective.
Det...? Quick, take
me to your cellar.
By dingies, I'll get the
truth out of that rascal
as soon as I get this
thing trimmed down.
Colonel Foxhole, what are
you doing in my broom closet?
Just waiting for this
golden opportunity, my dear,
the opportunity of
being alone with you.
Huh? What d'you mean?
The very moment I
first laid eyes upon you,
my heart has been your prisoner.
It was love at first sight.
Now I can only think of Granny.
Granny. Granny.
Hold it right there.
- Did I say something wrong?
- Yeah.
- Call me Daisy.
- Ah, the fairest flower of the field.
How like the petal of the
daisy is your soft, delicate hand.
She loves me, she loves me not.
She loves me,
she loves me not...
Do this petal again.
- She loves me...
- Stop right there.
- Quit while you're ahead.
- Now I must say farewell, dear lady.
Where are you going?
Because I must flee
the hounds of injustice
that even now are
baying at my heels.
But I shall treasure this moment
forever of being alone with you,
and I shall carry throughout
eternity the memory of your beauty
and the dream of a love
that might have been.
- Farewell.
- Hold on, Colonel!
You have done waved
the stopper under my nose.
Now, don't go
running off with the jug.
- There's the swindler.
- Colonel Foxhole?
Foxhall, alias Freddy the
Fox, alias Leon the Lip...
- Never mind that. Arrest him.
- Don't lay a hand on my colonel.
Your colonel?
I've done made a
prisoner of his heart.
- Ain't I, Gaylord?
- Indeed you have, Daisy.
Have a petal.
Ooh, doggies. Looks like
Granny's got a fish on her line.
- Granny, the colonel is going to jail.
- GRANNY: Oh, no, he ain't.
Look at that rascal. He's
going at it like corn on the cob.
And I ain't gonna
let him eat and run.
Mr. Clampett, this man tried to
take you for one million dollars.
- Give it to him, Jed.
- Are you gonna allow this charlatan...
- Now, calm down.
- Hush up, everybody.
Two's company,
but five's ridiculous.
Gaylord and me is going
for a little stroll in the garden.
- You're letting him get away?
- He'll escape.
He ain't going nowhere. Granny
done buttered that old cat's paw.
But, Mr. Clampett...
Now, look, I know that the
colonel has got his faults,
but they say that the love of a
good woman can work wonders.
Now, you leave
this all up to us.
Won't you sign a
complaint for me?
No. You give us a little trouble,
but I ain't gonna complain.
Emaline, it's me, Jethro.
Howdy, ma'am.
Is Emaline here?
Jethro, I'm Emaline.
Hot dog! I done worked
my magic on you, didn't I?
Sure did. I reckon you're
smarter than a circus dog.
Well, yeah.
If I can learn you to talk as good
as me, you'll fool the police for sure.
- Think you can?
- Well, heck, yeah.
You ain't no dumber than
old Duke, and I learned him.
What you want me to do?
Let's hear you say,
"The goo in the slough
gets mainly in your shoe."
The goo in the slough
gets mainly in your shoe.
Again.
The goo in the slough
gets mainly in your shoe.
Oh, this is gonna take a
lot of work. Try it again.
The goo in the slough
gets mainly in your shoe.
I think you got it. Yeah.
You might find it hard to
fit it into a conversation,
especially during the dry spell.
I'll watch for my chance.
- Now I gotta learn you how to walk.
- Well, I know how to walk.
You know how to walk country.
I'm gonna learn you how to walk city.
See? Now you try it.
How's that?
Done it again, didn't I?
- You're just a regular genius.
- Yeah, I reckon so.
Now all I gotta do is get to town,
find me a job, pick out a new name.
- A new name?
- Well, yeah.
The police are looking
for Emaline Fetty.
- I gotta change it.
- Oh, yeah.
I got it. Elverna Fetty.
No. No, I think the
Fetty has to go too.
What I need is a city name.
Well, how about Chicago?
No, I mean a Christian name.
What about St. Louis?
Jethro, I'll think of a name
while I'm looking for a job.
Jethro.
Oh, no, no, that's my name.
No, no, no.
Do you think I can pull a... I
mean get a job at the bank.
I mean, do you think
Mr. Drysdale would recognize me?
Heck, no.
I didn't even recognize you,
and he ain't half as smart as me.
- I'll even learn you to cipher.
- Oh, boy.
Oh, no, that won't work.
- I done made you too pretty.
- What do you mean?
Why, his wife is as jealous
as a cat with one kitten.
Really?
Why, if she saw him with
you, she'd snatch him bald.
Hmm.
You just drop
me off at the bank.
I'll take care of things
from there, Jethro.
You fetching along
your cuckoo clock?
Well, it needs repairing.
Don't take it to the camera
store again, you dumb old girl.
I won't.
I'll show you a place right near
the bank on Beverly Boulevard.
Thank you.
Say, there's a name I could use.
- Boulevard?
- Beverly.
Oh.
Now all I need's a surname.
Galahad.
- Come on, Jethro.
- Done it again, didn't I?
Coast clear?
I don't know. I
can't see that far.
Ain't no one around
here. Come on, let's go.
Excuse me, chief, this young
lady is a special investigator
from the district
attorney's office.
Yes, Mr. Drysdale, we've recovered
an important piece of evidence.
The camera with
which Emaline Fetty
took those incriminating
pictures of Mr. Clampett.
Excellent. Excellent.
See that she gets the calendar
I promised that jerky detective.
As you see, Mr. Drysdale, the camera
is concealed within this cuckoo clock
and is activated by means of
an electronic triggering device.
[CUCKOOS]
Poor, simple,
trusting Jed Clampett.
He still doesn't
know what happened.
Precisely why I came
to you, Mr. Drysdale.
I thought a man of your
intelligence and sophistication
might be able to
help me reconstruct
the modus operandi
used by this Emaline Fetty.
Well, I'd be glad to cooperate.
Excuse me. That isn't
her real name, is it?
No, it's Rita Rio,
alias Country Kate.
It's too bad I
didn't see her first.
I would have spotted her as
an adventuress immediately.
- Really?
- Oh, yes.
Of course, as
president of a bank,
I have to be able to judge
character at a glance.
You're so young to
be a bank president.
Young in years perhaps, but
in wisdom and experience...
Miss Hathaway, you
may return to your office.
But, chief...
This is a confidential
crime detection matter.
Take a coffee break.
Now, where were we?
We were going to
try and figure out
how Mr. Clampett could
have allowed himself
to be photographed in
those incriminating poses.
Oh, well, that's not hard.
First of all you've got to remember
that he's a simple man from the hills,
naive and unsuspecting.
Just the opposite of you.
Exactly.
She probably put this cuckoo clock
on a table or dresser or something
and then concealed
this gadget in her hand.
I see.
And then she probably threw her
arms around him and kissed him.
You mean like this?
[CUCKOOS]
[CUCKOOS]
Yes.
It was probably
something like that.
I'm so grateful to
you, Mr. Drysdale.
My pleasure. Let me
know how things develop.
Oh, we're expecting a
development very shortly.
And we will make sure
that you get the picture.
And they talk about
police brutality.
Uncle Jed, I've done
decided on my life's calling.
Well, good, boy.
What's it gonna be?
Atomic scientist or fry cook?
Neither one. I'm gonna
open me up a charm school.
- What?
- A charm school.
Why, Uncle Jed, I took a
poor dumb old country gal
and turned her into
a regular Theda Bara.
- You did?
- Yeah.
Oh, man, you
should have seen me.
I learned her to
dress fancy, talk city
and strut around like a
flat-footed goose on a hot rock.
I mean, when I got
through with her,
she was pretty enough to pick
and sweet enough to put up in a jar.
You'd have never thought
that she come from back in the...
I purt near gave
away who she is.
- Emaline Fetty?
- Who told you?
Who give it away, Uncle
Jed? Did somebody...
- Duke?
- What?
That's what I get for learning
that liver-lipped hound dog to talk.
What are you ranting about?
Don't try to cover
up for him, Uncle Jed.
Jethro, my boy, would you be so
kind as to drive me to a rendezvous?
- Yeah, hop on.
- Where'd you say you're going, Colonel?
I'm very sorry,
but it's confidential.
Well, if you wanna
keep it that way,
don't say nothing in front of
that long-eared blabbermouth.
Have a little more respect
for your uncle, my boy.
Excuse me, chief. Colonel
Foxhall insists upon seeing you.
- Greetings my, dear.
- Get out of here, you crook.
It's bad enough for you to be
running loose at the Clampetts,
but I will not have
you in my bank.
Now, calm yourself.
If you stay around here,
you're going to be in real trouble.
There was a young lady here
from the district attorney's office.
- And if she comes back and finds you...
- Was that the young lady?
DRYSDALE: Yes,
and if she... if she...
[WAILS]
Now, I'm going to
get right to the point.
I'm going to let you have
these at a most reasonable price.
Oh, no. Not one penny.
You're not dealing with
Jed Clampett right now.
You're dealing with
a man of the world.
Right to the police,
that's where I'm going.
Right to your wife, that's
where these are going.
My wife?
Unless I have your certified check
for 50,000 dollars within five minutes,
my associate will deliver duplicates
of these pictures to Mrs. Drysdale.
Oh, no.
[SOBS]
What you crying
about, Mr. Drysdale?
Oh, Mr. Clampett, I'm being
victimized by this blackguard.
He'll ruin my marriage if I
don't pay him 50,000 dollars.
I can b*at that deal
for you, Colonel.
You mean you're
offering more money?
No, I'm offering to
keep you out of jail.
You promise to behave yourself
and Mr. Drysdale'll let you go.
No, no, I'm in no
position to bargain.
Even now duplicates of these
pictures are being delivered to my wife.
You mean these?
Where did you
get those pictures?
Took 'em off of Emaline when I seen
her sneaking over to the Drysdales.
Come on in, Emaline.
Colonel, I think we ought to go along
with Mr. Clampett, behave ourselves.
Emaline and me had a long
talk. That done some good.
Then Granny took
her down to the cellar
and got right to the
seat of the trouble.
Yeah. Nobody ever explained right
from wrong to me the way she done it.
Now, Colonel, Granny is cooking up a
big mess of side meat and black-eyed peas.
Now, don't that sound better
to you than bread and water?
It does, sir. Indeed it does.
Come on, Duke, say something.
I mean, you blabbed your
head off to everybody else.
Why can't you say
a few words to me?
Emaline. What happened to you?
You ain't Beverly
Galahad no more.
You best ask your Uncle Jed.
Granny and me had a
little talk with her, Jethro.
Excuse me, now. I have to
go help fix the black-eyed peas.
Well, Elly, there
goes your education.
No use having a school
of charm around here.
What you talking about?
I had that girl looking and
talking like a movie star,
and five minutes
with them two hillbillies
and she's right back
where she started.
Oh, please, Duke, don't
clam up on me, now.
I need somebody to talk to.
♪ Well, now it's time to say
goodbye to Jed and all his kin
♪ They would like to thank
you folks for kindly dropping in
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality
♪ To have a heaping
helping of their hospitality
♪ Hillbilly, that is
♪ Set a spell Take
your shoes off ♪
Y'all come back now, you hear?
ELLY: This has been a
Filmways presentation.