♪ Come and listen to my
story 'bout a man named Jed
♪ A poor mountaineer
barely kept his family fed
♪ And then one day he
was sh**ting at some food
♪ And up through the
ground come a-bubbling crude
♪ Oil, that is
♪ Black gold Texas tea
♪ Well, the first thing you
know old Jed's a millionaire
♪ The kinfolk said "Jed,
move away from there"
♪ Said "California's
the place you oughta be"
♪ So they loaded up the
truck and they moved to Beverly
♪ Hills, that is
♪ Swimming pools Movie stars ♪
The Beverly Hillbillies.
- Get back in the truck, quick!
- Where are we going?
- Home to fight the Indians.
- What Indians?
The ones that are on the warpath!
They're trying to grab our land.
Hurry, Elly. Fetch
the rest of the g*ns!
Now, hold on, hold on.
What's this all about?
Ain't got time to tell you.
They got Cousin Pearl.
- Pearl?
- It was her who telephoned.
Said the Indians was
trying to grab our land.
Then all of a sudden
everything went dead.
- She got cut off.
- Yeah, right at her scalp.
Granny, Indians ain't kicked up a fuss
in our neck of the woods for 100 years.
They've been laying back
trying to catch us off-guard.
And while we're standing here
gabbing, they're torturing poor Pearl.
What'd you say about Maw?
I can't tell you. It's not
for your young tender ears.
Jed, they probably got
her tied on an anthill,
dragging her behind a wild
pony, burning her at the stake.
Here's the rest of
the g*ns. Let's go.
- Yeah, we gotta save Maw.
- Hold it. Hold it.
Put it back, Paw. Granny says
the Indians'll be after my hair.
Let's get going!
Now, we ain't going no place
except in the house to call Pearl.
Now, come on, all of you.
Jed, you're playing right into
the hands of them red savages.
The whole city of Bug
Tussle will be in flames!
All five buildings
will be burning.
Them redskins
will be whooping...
Granny, I just don't believe
there is any Indian trouble.
That's what General Custer said.
Miss Hathaway.
Oh, chief, Mr. Brewster just phoned
from the Clampett oilfield and...
They brought in
another gusher. Oh!
Good old Brewster. Just tell him to
keep those Clampett millions rolling in.
Well, that's not
quite it, Chief.
It seems there's an Indian reservation
which adjoins the Clampett oil land.
They've brought in a gusher there.
Send a message to my red brothers.
Tell them Milburn Drysdale, their
friend, speak with straight tongue.
Tell them send all
black wampum my bank.
We put 'em in solid steel teepee,
keep money safe for noble red brothers.
Chief, please hear me out.
There has been a
boundary dispute
and the Indians are claiming
part of the Clampett oil land.
Why, those dirty,
thieving savages!
Get Brewster on the phone.
Tell him to call out the cavalry.
This uprising must be put down.
There has been no uprising.
It as a minor boundary dispute.
Anything involving the
Clampett money is not minor!
Now, I want the pony soldiers
sent in there with their thundersticks.
Oh, chief, really. If you will
just listen to me for one moment.
Mr. Brewster feels the entire matter
can be taken care of very nicely
by a conference between Mr. Clampett
and the chief of the Crowfeet.
Never. I know Jed Clampett.
Why, he'd give the Indians his
whole oilfield, and his money to boot.
Now, chief...
Didn't he try to give it to those
college kids? And for no reason.
Just because they were starving.
Well, I'm afraid it is too
late to prevent the meeting.
Chief Running Wolf and
his son are on their way out.
I told Mr. Brewster I would
meet them at the airport.
- Traitor. Turncoat.
- Be reasonable.
Oh, all right, all right, meet
them at the airport as you agreed.
But don't bring them
to the Clampetts'.
You bring them here and
I will do the negotiating.
But Mr. Brewster said...
You bring Indian
here for powwow,
or you and me have powwow.
I pow and you ow.
Operator, Luke
Short's general store.
It sets right at the crossroads
just south of Possum Ridge.
Well, you know where Jake
and Dora Fetty's place lays?
You don't.
Well, I'd say it's about midway
twixt Stumptown and Sibley.
Nearest city? Oh, well,
that'd be Bug Tussle.
We're wasting time.
Folks is being scalped and
slaughtered, our own kinfolks,
their homes being
burnt to the ground.
Granny, these turnips
is getting awful heavy.
Put 'em back in the
truck like I told you.
The redskins have probably
burnt the crops back home.
Bring them turnips back here,
and, Elly May, put the g*ns away.
Jed, you don't know
them Indians like I do.
My grandpappy
fought 'em. He told me...
Hello, Luke? Yeah,
Jed Clampett speaking.
Well, listen, Luke, Granny is worried
that folks is getting scalped there.
Would you talk to her?
I didn't say you was
overcharging anybody, you old nut.
Granny meant Indian scalping.
She's got the notion the Crowfeets are
on the warpath and grabbed Cousin Pearl.
We couldn't get no
answer at her house.
Oh.
Luke says that Pearl was
in there not ten minutes ago.
Was she missing any hair?
He says he couldn't tell.
She was wearing a hat.
You see? She could have
been scalped to the bone.
- Granny, she'd have said something.
- Not Pearl.
She was never one to bother
other folks with her troubles.
Well, Luke, that's all we wanted.
You ain't seen no Indians, huh?
Well, thanks a heap. Bye.
Jed, your ignorance of Indians is
gonna be the death of Luke Short.
Course he ain't seen no
Indians. He ain't gonna see 'em.
What should I do
with the turnips?
But he's gonna hear a owl hoot.
Then he's gonna hear a
whippoorwill call, and then...
[MAKES WHIPPING SOUND]
a fiery arrow right
into his pickle barrel.
What should I do
with the turnips?
Granny, if you wanna call Luke
and warn him, go right ahead.
Now, give me them turnips.
Well, is we gonna go home
and fight Indians or ain't we?
Well, I'm not, and I don't
wanna hear no more about it.
There goes a good man, Jethro,
but he's got one blind spot. Indians.
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
Oh, howdy, Mr. Brewster.
Yeah, Pearl told us the
Indians were after our land.
What? They're
coming to Beverly Hills?
Never mind! I ain't got no time
to listen to no more! Goodbye!
Come on, Jethro, we gotta spread
the alarm! The Indians are coming!
- Why would they come out here?
- Don't ask stupid questions!
The whole city we gotta
save, the whole city!
Actually, this boundary dispute could
have been settled by correspondence,
but I thought Dad would
enjoy seeing Los Angeles.
How about it, Chief Running
Wolf? What do you think of our city?
- Ugg.
- Oh, come on, Dad.
He likes to put people
on with that Indian talk.
- Actually, he's a graduate of Oxford.
- How interesting.
I really would like
your opinion, Chief.
Well, frankly, I find the high incidence
of hydrocarbon and monoxide pollutants
in your thermally
inverted atmosphere
very detrimental to
proper respiration.
Go back to ugg.
Indians is coming!
The Indians are coming!
Everybody up to the Clampett
place! Get behind the wall!
Take your young
'uns and your livestock!
Indian raid! The
Crowfeet is on the warpath!
You's getting a lot of
lookers but no takers.
- Dad-blamed tenderfeet.
- They's going on about their business.
Well, we can't let 'em get
slaughtered on the streets.
The Indians are coming!
Get the cars in a circle!
The Indians is coming!
Get all the cars in a circle!
Mr. Drysdale looks after
the Clampett business affairs
and he requested that
I bring you by here first.
- I hope you don't mind.
- Not at all.
Dad owns a few banks back home.
He and Mr. Drysdale will
have a lot to talk about.
Wonderful.
Running Wolf and
Little Fox are here.
- Right, chief.
- BOTH: Chief?
Oh! Oh. That's what
I call Mr. Drysdale.
It's merely a term
of respect. He's not...
[RHYTHMIC DRUMMING]
Chief, what in the name
of Tonto are you doing?
Paleface woman leave
chief with red brothers.
- But, chief...
- Go. Take-um coffee break.
- How.
- BOTH: How.
Red brothers wear
white man's clothes.
Bad medicine.
Want white man's oil land.
Very bad medicine.
Oil smell-um up
Indian campground.
Poison spring.
Make great spirit very angry.
Listen to council
of True Tongue.
Go home,
where the buffalo roam
and deer and antelope play,
where seldom is heard
a discouraging word
and the skies are
not cloudy all day.
Indian no listen to Brewster.
White man speak
with forked tongue.
Indian speak straight tongue.
Go home.
Tell your people the great
chief of west love Crowfeet tribe,
send them many presents.
Cost-um True Tongue
plenty wampum.
Beads for squaw.
Ah.
Tick-tick for brave.
Look. Magic fire stick.
b*at-um flint, huh?
[PLAYS TWO NOTES]
Indian make music sweeter
than west wind in treetop.
Forget oil land.
Take-um gifts.
True Tongue give
red brothers the works.
Dad-blamed city people.
They's gonna be slaughtered
like a bunch of sheep.
For 100 years they're
gonna be talking about
the great Beverly
Hills m*ssacre.
Elly, I thought I told you to take the
stuff up by the gate for a barricade.
- Where is it?
- Well, Paw told me to put it away.
Says there ain't gonna
be no Indian fighting.
See what I mean,
Jethro? It's his one failing.
Some men it's whiskey.
Others it's women.
With Jed, it's Indians.
Don't worry, Elly.
Granny's got a scheme that'll fool
them rascals when they goes to scalp us.
Granny, do you
think it'll come to that?
We just have to
face up to it, child.
It's the four of us agin
the whole Crowfoot tribe.
We can only hold
'em off so long.
Then they'll rush us
and go for our hair.
- Oh, Granny.
- Best play dead and let 'em have it.
Well, won't that smart?
Not a bit.
Granny, hey, that's mine.
Oh, yeah. This is
mine. Take yours, Elly.
Jethro, I want you to...
What is all this?
Wigs to fool the Indians
when they goes to scalp us.
- Granny's got one for you too.
- Yeah.
There you are. They'll
think you're albino.
The Indians are
superstitious about them.
Granny, I just talked
to Mr. Brewster.
The Indians is coming out all
right, but they're just coming to talk.
- Talk.
- Yeah.
They got a reservation over
to the Beverly Sunset Hotel
and I'm supposed to go
over there and talk to 'em.
Did I tell you he
had a blind spot?
He's walking right
into their reservation.
Well, at least you ain't
going empty-handed.
Elly, fetch their g*ns.
Granny, we ain't gonna
fight. We're gonna talk.
Did you ever see a
John Wayne movie?
It's a Indian trap.
Why, they'll peel
your head like a onion.
I ain't taking their word for it.
It's Mr. Brewster that said it.
Sure he said it. They was probably
holding burning coals at his feet.
Here are your g*ns.
All right, we'll take the g*ns.
- And the wigs too.
- And the wigs too.
Now, there's just
one little favor
Elly and me would like to
ask of you before you go.
What's that?
sh**t us!
What?
Don't leave us to the
mercy of them red devils.
Drive on, boy.
Ain't we gonna sh**t 'em?
Drive on, boy.
John Wayne would have sh*t us!
Is this what you wanted, chief?
Ugg. Ugg.
Paleface woman
load up precious gifts.
Take red brothers to landing
field of great iron bird with fire in tail.
Fly back to reservation happy.
You're taking this?
Tick-tick for brave.
[PLAYS NOTES]
Indian make music sweeter
than west wind in treetop.
True Tongue have love in heart.
True Tongue have hole in head.
What?
I can't let you make a
fool of yourself any longer.
They've been putting you on.
It was a great
performance, Mr. Drysdale.
My people could take
Indian lessons from you.
Chief Running Wolf was a
Rhodes scholar at Oxford,
and Little Fox has
his PhD from Harvard.
And as for being
impressed by these trinkets...
- The chief owns a string of banks.
- Banks?
So that's it. You're after
the Clampett money too.
Say, that reminds me, Dad.
We're supposed to have a
meeting with Mr. Clampett.
Miss Hathaway, could
we impose upon you?
- Oh, of course. My car's right out front.
- Never!
You come near the Clampett place
and you'll be sh*t down like dogs!
I'm sorry. Actually,
Mr. Drysdale's a very fine man.
But he has one blind spot.
Money. He just goes berserk.
Fortunately we're meeting
Mr. Clampett at our hotel.
Oh, good. I'll get you a cab.
Any sign of Indians, Elly?
No, ma'am, Granny. Ain't seen a
thing and ain't heard nothing neither.
Oh, that's the worse sign there
is. They'll be on us any minute.
Miss Jane's car just
turned into the gate.
- She's made it to the fort.
- Not yet she ain't.
There could be a redskin skulking
behind every bush in the yard.
Quick, step
aside. I'll cover her.
Oh, too late. They got her.
There's a Indian at the wheel.
Oh, Granny.
This is for Miss Jane,
you bloodthirsty buzzard!
Get him, Granny?
I don't know if I hit meat, but
I sure got a mess of feathers.
Uncle Jed, maybe Granny was right.
Maybe we is walking into an Indian trap.
Why do you say that?
Well, the fellow downstairs at
the door made us give up our g*ns.
Didn't you see his uniform?
Ain't no general gonna side
with the Indians against us.
Besides, Mr. Brewster says
we is just here for a confab,
just talk things
over, make a deal.
- Yeah, that really makes me suspicious.
- Why?
Would he send a couple
of simple-minded savages
to deal with a
sixth-grade graduate?
He might.
- Oh, here we are.
- Well, I ain't taking no chances.
I'm wearing my spare hair.
Fine, boy.
How do you do?
Won't you come in?
Thank you.
Wrong room, Uncle Jed. We was
looking for a couple of ignorant Indians.
We might qualify. I'm
Chief Running Wolf.
Oh, pleased to meet
you. I'm Jed Clampett.
- This here is Jethro Bodine.
- How, red brother.
How. Little Fox,
Mr. Clampett is here.
And he's brought along a
friend of Chief True Tongue.
You about scared the daylights
out of us poor defenseless women.
I'm sorry, Granny. I... I had
to warn you about the Indians.
Well, why'd you come
up here dressed like one?
So he could slip
through their lines, Elly.
Yeah.
She ain't too smart
when it comes to Indians.
Comes by it honest, poor child.
- Where's Miss Jane?
- I'm afraid she's with the Indians.
Oh, no. Did they take her alive?
Alive? I... I... Never mind.
I can see it's something
you'd rather not talk about.
Yeah. Where's Mr. Clampett?
That's something I'd
rather not talk about.
Well, Granny, him and...
Elly, we don't air our family
failings in front of outsiders.
Well, Granny, wherever he is,
tell him not to talk to those Indians.
My very own words.
Good, good. He should have
nothing to do with those savages.
Mr. Drysdale, it
looks like you and me
is the only two people in
Beverly Hills with any Indian savvy.
- Yeah.
- Let 'em att*ck. We'll show 'em.
att*ck?
Mr. Drysdale, that Crowfoot tribe
will be on us like a pack of wolves,
racing around the
house on their w*r ponies,
screeching their
blood-curdling yells,
flinging their lances
and tommyhawks,
sh**ting their burning arrows.
Granny, you expect
a real Indian att*ck?
Mr. Drysdale, excepting
for John Wayne,
there ain't nobody
knows Indians like me.
They's after our land, and
them varmints don't give up.
If we don't fight 'em here, we'll
have to go back home and fight 'em.
We'll fight 'em here.
- Good!
- I'll go telephone for help.
There ain't nobody that'll
listen to you in this town.
Lessen you can get
hold of John Wayne.
Say, that's a good idea.
I'll call the movie studio.
- Here's the telephone.
- Ah, yes.
You want John Wayne to
help fight off an Indian att*ck?
Milburn, are you calling
from a bar or the funny farm?
I am calling from the
Clampett mansion,
where Granny says the Indians
will ride up on their w*r ponies.
Milburn, I'm busy. Have some
black coffee and call me back.
Larry, if Indian
don't att*ck here,
Clampetts go home fight Indian.
Studio close down.
Chief Bald Eagle lose job.
I'm beginning to read
your smoke signals.
One Indian raid coming up.
Well, Chief, I think we made a
real good deal, fair to both of us.
Yes. As my son the attorney
would say, quid pro quo.
Oh, I'm sorry, I
don't speak Crowfoot.
Come on, Jethro.
Well, so long, Little Fox. Sure
has been nice dealing with you.
- My pleasure, Jethro.
- So long to you too, Chief.
Au revoir.
Oh, the boy don't
speak Crowfoot neither.
- Goodbye.
- So long.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, Chief.
Goodbye.
Uncle Jed, I don't know how
you made out with the chief,
but I sure gave
his son a skinning.
- You did?
- Yeah.
I traded him my
40-dollar wig for this.
Hmm. It's a nice watch.
That ain't no watch. It's what
you call a genuine Indian tick-tick.
[g*nshots]
I can't understand it, Elly.
I ain't dropped a one
of them red devils,
and there must be
better than 100 of 'em.
Well, we's running
low on shells, Granny.
I hope Mr. Drysdale's
doing better out back.
- I thought you guys were stunt men.
- We are.
Well, make it look real.
I took the buckshot
out of Granny's shells,
but you've still
gotta bite the dust.
What dust? That's cement.
Well, do something to make
it look like an Indian raid.
I could have hired
jockeys to ride.
Out front! Out front!
[g*nsh*t]
I'm finding the range,
Elly. I just dropped one.
He's still bouncing.
Too late, Granny.
We's out of shells.
If only John Wayne was here.
[GROANS]
Mr. Drysdale's been hit.
It's only a flesh
wound... in the heart.
- Fetch my Kn*fe. I'll cut it out.
- No! I can do it.
Dirty red savages.
That's the bravest
thing I ever seen.
I'm going out there
and give myself up.
They'll ride away
and you'll be saved.
- Oh, no, Mr. Drysdale.
- Oh, yes, it's me they really want.
You? When they've seen Elly May?
They might be ignorant,
but they ain't blind.
- Elly, it's time for these.
- Let me go out there.
I'll trick them. I'll
lure them away.
- Are you dead set on that notion?
- Yes.
- There's one way you can lure 'em off.
- What's that?
Come with me. Elly May, get
that stuff away from the door.
Granny, they won't
believe I'm a woman.
If you run fast enough,
they will. Open the door, Elly.
- Granny, they'll sh**t him.
- No, they won't.
Besides, the way he
sheds arrows, it won't matter.
- I'll go see if he makes it.
- No, child.
It's better if we never know.
Well, Granny, we's
back safe and sound.
I told you there wasn't gonna
be no trouble with the Indians.
Yep, Uncle Jed was right.
Look at that, Uncle Jed.
Granny'll do anything to keep
from admitting she's wrong.
Yeah, she's a fine little woman,
but she's got one blind spot.
BOTH: Indians.
[CLEARS THROAT]
I beg your pardon. I understand
you were looking for me.
I'm John Wayne.
Where was you when
I needed you, John?
♪ Well, now it's time to say
goodbye to Jed and all his kin
♪ They would like to thank
you folks for kindly dropping in
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality
♪ To have a heaping
helping of their hospitality
♪ Hillbilly, that is
♪ Set a spell Take
your shoes off ♪
Y'all come back now, you hear?
ELLY: This has been a
Filmways presentation.