[evil laugh]
[doorbell dings]
[breathing loudly]
[door opens] GUY: Trick or treat, assh*le.
[screams]
[blood gushing] [Kn*fe slashing]
CREATURE: [laughing]
♪
CREATURE: [laughing]
[thunder clapping]
♪
♪
♪
[thunder clapping]
♪♪
♪
♪
[indistinct chatter]
GUY AND GIRL: Trick or treat.
LITTLE GIRL: Trick or treat.
[indistinct chatter]
♪ KIDS: Trick or treat.
Hey, Pete. Where's Skeeter?
I haven't seen him yet. We are the first.
Are we? Kinda wished we were--
Wish we were what?
This is the last time, isn't it, Pete?
The last time meeting like this? All alone?
We gotta stick to the rules, Jill.
The rules. Yeah.
We're...Golden Dragons, right?
BOTH: Part of a club.
Part of a club.
Plus, she's the only dragon we got with boobs. [chuckles]
Can't see much boob in this lumpy outfit.
Hmm, can't see much without it.
Hey, screw you, mush-mouth! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You guys planning on getting hitched before or after the baby?
Shut up.
Hey, where's Bobby? And Skeeter?
I haven't seen 'em yet.
Look, man, gotta get this show on the road.
I'm hungry. Come on.
I said old lady Morton's place.
Now, she's always good for a Milky Way.
She is not on the route, Binky.
Eh, screw the route. Hey.
Remember what happened last time?
We almost scared the poor lady half to death.
Oh, yeah. [laughs] That was funny.
That was a classic.
KIDS: Trick or treat!
[bats squeaking]
PEOPLE: Trick or treat.
JILL: Hey, look, there's Reevestein.
And the group nears completion.
Hey, Bobby! Over here.
Same old stupid skeleton suit, huh?
Picked up any loot yet, Bobby?
I thought we weren't supposed to start
'til we was all together.
Club rules and all that.
You look like a walking pimple, Bradwell.
Well, then it must be like looking in the mirror.
You ever consider cleaning that piece of sh*t outfit?
You ever consider kissing my Halloween ass?
We can't start without Skeeter and I haven't seen him yet.
He's down by the old iron gate, being a pain.
Why? He says he's sick of this Halloween stuff, says he's too old for it.
We're too old for it. Well, I second that bullshit.
'Kay. Did you tell him it was the last time?
No, I'm not his brother, Pete, so I don't tell him how to hold his d*ck when he pees, you tell him.
Come on.
♪ JILL: Hey. Hey, Skeeter.
You just can't quit, Skeet. Okay?
I mean, you're a golden dragon, an important member of this club.
I mean...you helped build with the treehouse, remember?
Look, hey.
Look, I know how you feel, but we all made a pledge.
You know, gave our honor. Like a family.
Just...one more time, Skeet, and we can kiss off these stupid costumes and...be whatever we wanna be.
Come on, what do you say?
He's tired, Pete. He wants to rest.
Well, he's not the only one.
Come on.
Let's do this.
♪
Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like that.
KIDS: Trick or treat!
[knocking] ALL: Trick or treat.
Trick or treat, Mr. Bodener. Dear God, not you.
In the flesh, so to speak. No, I don't know you.
Don't know anything about you.
Well, you are currently addressing the Golden Dragons, who are in dire need of sustenance, so... kindly hand over the goods and spare us the candy corn crap.
Here, just take it all. Take it.
Kind of slim pickings, ah, Mr. Bodener?
Suckers. That what you think of us, Bodener, huh? Suckers?
Oh, dear, dear, and after all these years.
Well, I...the missus made some cake yesterday, maybe I can go down-- We're not about yesterday.
Mr. Bodener.
Well, I guess we kind of are.
But you would know all about that, wouldn't you, Bodener?
About a lot of yesterdays, am I right?
Come on, guys, that's enough, leave him alone.
PETE: Yeah, Jill's right. Binky, let's go.
[growls]
♪
[laughing]
[laughs] Pissed himself. He did not.
Did too. Pissed himself on his own front porch.
Freaking loser.
Just shut up and eat, huh? Mm. You saw it, Jill.
Big damp spot right on his pants, am I right?
I wasn't watching his balls, that's your hobby.
Oh! [laughing]
Pissed his dighty.
♪
[knocking] [door squeaks]
Trick or treat, Mrs. Collins.
[timer dings]
Ooh, hot muffins. Not bad, Mrs. Collins.
Mmm, some of these are blueberry.
I'm not too fond of blueberry. What else you got?
I--I can make you a nice ham sandwich, Binky.
That is you in the devil costume, isn't it?
Binky Bradwell?
No. It's Michael Meyers, Ms. Collins.
Monsters! You g*dd*mn little monsters!
No, no, Ralph, no, don't.
BINKY: Enter the vengeful husband.
How goes it, Ralphie-boy?
Hey, people started naming their kids Ralph.
Think you can get away with this every year, do you?
Think you can terrorize the whole town?!
Hmm, gracious, no.
Just this one piece-of-sh*t neighborhood.
Knock it off, Reevestein.
Come on, guys, let's get out of here.
[door creaks]
RALPH: Every year you just keep coming back.
You destroyed our lives.
He was our only son.
Our only boy.
First it was the Smiths, then the Kidners, then the Bodeners, last year was us.
Who's next, you psychotic little bastards?
When will you stop?!
When we're through, Mr. Collins.
[crying]
♪ Doesn't look much like a treehouse now, does it?
Doesn't look much like a tree.
[wind gusting]
All things must pass.
Look who's suddenly brimming with nostalgia.
Hmm, I didn't think you had it in you, Bradwell.
I had it in me.
PETE: You thinking about Mom and Dad?
I miss them too.
[kids chattering, laughing in distance]
[wings flapping]
So, here we are.
Here we are at last.
Long, long last.
Well, it better be the very damn last.
Look, before you guys start getting all sentimental, I don't think nobody's here.
Nah, they're here. Come on.
♪
[knocking]
Trick or treat, Mrs. Hathaway.
ALL: Trick or treat, Mrs. Hathaway.
Trick, I guess.
[glass breaking]
[door creaking]
♪
Oh, Eddie. Oh, Eddie.
Where are you?
Is Eddie home, Mrs. Hathaway?
No.
You sure about that?
[crying]
He went to his grandparents'.
He won't be back for a month.
Or a year...maybe.
Get out!
Every one of you, or I swear I'll sh**t.
Where's Eddie, Mrs. Hathaway?
[sniffling] I said... get out now!
We need Eddie, Mrs. Hathaway.
We need him to break the cycle.
I'm warning you, one more step and I'll fire. [g*n cocks]
Then fire, Mrs. Hathaway. sh**t me.
Then sh**t Binky, and Bobby, and Jill, and even little Skeeter.
If that's really what you think is the answer, if you really think that that will square things, make it all better.
JILL: Is that what you think, ma'am?
You think we really wanna be here?
♪
[sighs]
I can't do this anymore.
Year after year, I worried he'd be next.
I watched as you took the others...one by one.
Hello, Eddie.
[crying]
EDDIE: Okay.
[crying]
If she's too chicken-sh*t to do it, then I will.
You too, dickhead.
Then do it, Eddie. Pull the trigger. Do it.
k*lling things is quick.
Letting them grow is what takes time.
I'll do it. I ain't afraid.
Yeah? Then how come you've been hiding behind your mother's apron strings for all these years, just like all your other candy-ass friends?
[empty g*nsh*t]
[panting]
No, no! No!
It's no good, Eddie, they'll just keep coming back.
I am innocent! Mom! Don't let them do this!
They'll find us everywhere we go.
Don't let them do this! Get off of me!
Mom! Help me, please! [screams] Please!
[moaning]
Jill, did you need help with that?
No, it's okay, I got this.
Please, no. No! [groans]
I tell you, it was a Halloween prank, no one was supposed to get hurt.
Yeah, well, people did get hurt.
Didn't they, Eddie? EDDIE: But not by me.
It was the other guys' idea.
The other guys who started the whole thing!
You saw it, Skeeter.
Tell 'em it wasn't me.
Tell 'em I'm innocent.
Oh, God! Oh, my God!
[panting]
Hey, remember this? Yeah, you brought this.
That same night. This is m*rder.
Yeah, that's the same thing all your old friends said.
Please. Please, please. No.
Oh, please! no!
♪ Alright, let's see what it is, man, 'cause I've been waiting this entire game. Pretty good.
Oh, 23. That's what I thought.
Ah! I was on it.
Hey, guys, it's dark. Time for trick or treat.
Alright. Somewhere out there, there is a Milky Way with my name on it.
Binky, do you ever stop eating?
Why would I? Come on. I'm ready, let's go.
♪ Hey, guys, it's stuck.
Uh, the frame's probably warped from the wet weather.
Here.
No. Wait.
No, it's really stuck, it won't open.
[laughter] Guys, look down there, isn't that Eddie Hathaway's g*ng?
EDDIE: [laughing] It's gonna be hilarious.
What the hell are they doing down there?
Hey! Losers! sh*t. Is that a match?
Ooh. [laughing]
Whoa! [laughing]
Hey, you better climb down and run home to mama!
g*ng: [laughing]
[coughing] EDDIE: You kids better run, it's gonna go up fast!
[laughter] Wooh!
Alright, guys, I think we scared them off.
We need to get out. Go! Let's go!
JILL: It's not funny! BINKY: Somebody help!
PETE: No, Eddie! Eddie! BOBBY: Please! Help! Help!
PETE: Open the door! No!
You're crazy! You can't get away with this?!
Why not, Eddie? [crying]
You did. EDDIE: [crying]
[groaning and panting]
[screaming]
[screaming continues]
No!
[screaming]
[leaves crunching]
Well, that's that.
Not soon enough for me.
It's good to be home, though, gotta admit.
Are you sure you got enough to eat now, Bradwell.
Shut up, Reevestein.
You're just jealous 'cause my costume's cooler than yours.
Yeah, real cool. Like a figure skater.
I guess I'll see you in...
In...my dreams.
♪
Get some rest now, Skeet. You hear me?
Get some rest.
I wish we'd known each other longer, Skeet.
♪ PETE: I love you, little brother.
♪
♪
[wind blowing]
♪
[thunder clapping]
[laughing evilly]
♪
[phone alert]
[typing]
[phone dings]
[phone dings]
♪
[machine whirring]
[pants]
[machine whirring]
♪
[coughs]
♪
[phone dings]
Ah! Ah, ah! [hisses]
[phone ringing]
What? No, no, no, no, no.
f*ck!
Um, hi, why are you Facetiming me?
f*cking seriously?! Yes, seriously.
Look, I meant everything that I said.
You going home to beg your dad for money doesn't magically erase our situation.
Where are you? Are you drunk dialing me?
No!
[sighs] CARLA: Are you high?
What's that got to do with anything?
A lot actually.
Look, this...whole breakup, it's--it's not you, it's me, that's what I'm supposed to say, right?
I can't. Right? Not without lying, and I don't fee like lying.
But I-- I just want somebody motivated.
Justin, I feel like you wouldn't even care if you got bounced from university tomorrow.
I'm pacing myself! Okay.
Well, you get something going, let me know, we can maybe talk about this.
But until then, I gotta go, okay? Bye!
[call ends]
[heavy rock music playing]
♪
[door creaking]
♪
[grunts]
♪
♪
♪ With some bad bitch and a bag of weed ♪
♪ With some bad hos and a bag of weed ♪
♪
♪ I don't know your name, yo
♪ Park behind that Range, bro
♪ Tell your girls take they Loubis off ♪
♪ And light that screen, though ♪
♪ Come in, then, introduce yourself ♪
♪ Then turn up, girl, lose yourself ♪
♪ Don't keep nothing to yourself ♪
♪ You should let me do yourself ♪
♪ I ain't gonna f*ck with her no'mo' ♪
♪ After a while, that sh*t got old ♪
♪ Rather party at my crib ♪
♪ And walk around Versace, bro
♪ We jamming like we supposed
♪ We puffing that reefer, bro
♪ Shut that door and keep it closed ♪
♪ We smoking and freaking, ho
♪ I'm wearing expensive clothes ♪
♪ Don't gotta convince these hoes ♪
♪ I did not choose to be this cold ♪
♪ I was simply shown this way so good ♪
♪ These women, these fools, no point, they have no strut ♪
♪
♪ All I need is a bad bitch and a bag of weed ♪
♪ Just some bad hos and a bag of weed ♪
MAN: [muffled] Please. Please help me.
[pants]
Yeah, okay, Alex, I'll do just that.
You have to blow me first, okay?
Alex.
Alex, I know you're f*cking with me, dude.
MAN: There is no Alex here.
♪
MAN: Please. [gasps]
[gasps]
What the hell, man?
[muffled] Please, turn my face out of my suitcase so I may speak clearly.
What?
Please.
MAN: [grunting and panting]
I mean, really, what the actual f*ck?
Please, do not hit me.
What happened to you?
I offended someone... I ought not have offended.
You got that right, you look like a Bento box.
Will you help me? How?
I mean, you look like you need a hospital, like, yesterday.
Let's, uh, let's put you in my car, and I'll take-- MAN: That's very kind of you.
But there is nothing that a Western hospital can do to help with this condition.
Are you kidding? No, They-- they--they can do anything, I mean, there's this kid in my school who wrecked his motorcycle and lost his legs, and so now he uses these Pogo stick things that they made for him-- MAN: Yes, but--
--and now he's, like, good at basketball, which is weird, 'cause he, like, sucked before, and now he's some sort of unstoppable cyborg.
It's very interesting-- JUSTIN: --I think it's going to his head, really, because now he's mopping up the court with everybody and talking smack about it, but not in a funny way-- Excuse me, please.
I do not mean to interrupt, but I am in a great degree of pain, and I cannot give your schoolyard drama the attention I'm certain that it deserves.
Right, uh, I was taking you to the hospital.
MAN: No! JUSTIN: Why not?
Because...they will find me.
Who? What, the guys who did this to you?
Oh, hang on if...if people are looking for you, that means that they are gonna come here, I...
I gotta take you back to the airport.
No! What?
If you just remove me from the suitcase, I may be able to walk away under my own power.
Oh, okay, okay, great, cool, that'd be awesome, thank you.
I don't really wanna be a downer, it's just-- it looks like the suitcase is kind of the only thing keeping you together right now and I can't have you spilling out and dying everywhere, I'm barely renting-- Stop talking.
Please.
Just remove me from the suitcase.
Start with my feet. It's okay.
[screams]
[groans]
Yes, it is real, an unfortunate condition causes me to produce gold when I am in pain.
What--wait. What? How? I do not know how.
It's just not possible. I am afraid that since you are holding a coin you saw come out of my mouth, the burden of disproof is upon you.
[groans]
But I do not wish to talk.
Perhaps we can try again to free me later.
Any wealth produced by our efforts will, of course, be yours to keep in consideration of your... valuable...assistance...
[groans]
♪
♪
♪ MAN: They will find me.
JUSTIN: [screams]
If people are looking for you, that means that they're gonna come here.
♪ JUSTIN: Wait!
[g*nshots]
[panting]
[birds chirping]
[laughs]
[exhales]
[birds chirping]
Well, what you got here is a Gold 100 Kurush coin from the time of Abdul Amin the Second.
Not a lucky guy.
He d*ed after the first world w*r, along with the Ottoman Empire.
But is it valuable?
You heard me say it was gold, right?
Of course it's valuable.
How you come about that?
I found it in some luggage.
Nice. How about I give you $275?
♪
You should've asked for $350.
He had to give you at least $325.
Why didn't you call me?
I did, we're having lunch.
No, I mean to negotiate. You suck at this sh*t.
No offense, but you kinda let people walk all over you.
Like Carla, for example.
Yeah, that's not a problem anymore.
You okay? Nah, of course you're not.
[laughs] She's, uh-- She's something.
What about that coin? Where did you, uh-- where did you say you found that, again?
[sighs] In some luggage.
Is there more?
Maybe.
Bullshit. I'm calling blazing bullshit.
Not that I'm mad, I would lie to you about where I was getting $500 gold pieces-- even saying $500 gold pieces.
That's some Dungeons and Dragons sh*t, man.
What'd you do, roll up a dwarf?
Get away from me. What are you doing here?
I told you I was coming to get my stuff.
What's wrong? I always knew you were a lot of things, Justin, but never a m*rder*r.
♪ JUSTIN: Alex, guys, wait!
[gasps]
[grunts] MAN, CARLA AND ALEX: [scream]
f*ck. Why--why is he in there?
Justin, what did you do?! Me? Nothing no!
I found him that way.
And you just left him in there?!
Shouldn't we get him out?
Oh, yeah, great idea, why didn't I think of that?
Look, it's a bit more complicated.
MAN: [grunts] CARLA: [panting]
Here, let me help you. MAN: [groaning]
[groaning]
[spits]
JUSTIN: Let's do it again. CARLA: Okay.
[panting and groaning]
[coughs]
CARLA: What was that? MAN: It's too much.
JUSTIN: I don't know, it happened last night, too.
I think we should stop. MAN: I need to rest.
CARLA: You need to rest? MAN: It's too much.
CARLA: We need to get you out. MAN: Please. Please.
Come here.
Just come here.
You found it in a suitcase. Yeah.
Okay, guys, how the f*ck is he doing that?
It doesn't matter how he's doing it, he's doing it.
This is amazing, man, we're gonna be f*cking rich.
Whoa, first of all, "we"? Second of all--
Okay, somebody please explain to me what the f*ck's going on? Yeah, "we."
We're gonna be rich. We're roommates, man, we share everything, right? What about him?
Not everything, and second of all, we're just gonna help him get out of the case.
Excuse me, young sir.
Maybe we can make some money.
MAN: No. No. Justin, is this real?
MAN: Not you, the other young sir.
This is gold, right? Nothing bad's gonna happen to anybody--I feel like something bad's gonna happen if we keep him around for too long.
MAN: [muffled] Stop! Stop, stop, no!
No, young sir, please! Please! [indistinct talking]
We can't. I know!
Alex, what are you doing? What are you doing, man?
Alex. Alex. Jesus.
MAN: [grunting]
[chuckles] Oh, he's not going anywhere.
♪ Yeah, okay.
We keep him for 48 hours and then we let him go.
Deal.
♪ MAN: [screams]
♪
[screams]
♪ Bring it back to life
♪ Back to reality
♪ Gonna get some crows, leave it alone, triple OG status ♪
♪ A town's very own
♪ Party people in the club, it's time to cut the rug ♪
♪
♪ Baby-babe, you're in my system ♪
♪ Baby-babe, tell me you miss me ♪
♪ Now this goes out to all my players in the back ♪
♪ Sipping 'gnac in the round corners ♪
♪
♪ And this goes out to all my ladies in the front ♪
♪ What you want? Baby, if you wanna breathe, go ♪
[front door opening]
Oh, f*ck.
♪
♪ You're in my system
♪ Smoke a bowl?
[electricity crackling] MAN IN SUITCASE: [screaming]
Why did you stop?
MAN: [panting]
[electricity crackling] [screaming]
CARLA: Hit him again, what are you waiting for?
Look, I don't know if he can take a higher setting.
That's what you said before you turned it up last time and look how much is coming out.
I think we should stop.
ALEX: No. No.
MAN: No. It is okay.
I do not deserve any better.
Do whatever you will.
I-I think...my heart will stop soon. Please.
No, hey, what the f*ck?! Did you hear what he said?
Justin, don't be such a d*ck.
We're about to get everything that we've ever wanted here.
That cherry red Challenger you've been eyeing, that's yours, man.
I mean, with this kind of money we're close to being able to buy vacation homes somewhere tax-sheltery... with boats! [chuckles]
f*cking boats, man.
No, we agreed, 48 hours.
Alex.
There comes a time where you're gonna need to ask yourself who you wanna be? Why is he still talking?
I wanna be rich. I wanna be rich.
f*cking look around. Open your f*cking eyes.
With this kind of money, you can buy your dad's business and make him work for you.
No, no, no, you two are f*cking evil.
This is bullshit.
Justin, how did you think this was gonna end?
I didn't think it was gonna end up with us being murderers?!
I'm calling the cops.
[phone breaking] JUSTIN: No!
What are you doing?!
CARLA: [panting]
[wrench smashing]
♪
[panting]
♪
♪
[choking, gasping]
What do we do now?
Um...we run.
That's what we do, we-- we get the hell out of here.
This kind of money, it'll-- it'll take us to Paris, to... to Rio...maybe Constantinople.
That's not a place anymore.
Shut up.
What do we do about him?
I say we get one last jackpot and blaze.
[laughing] Oh, no, please don't. [laughing]
You naughty children.
[laughing]
You're so naughty.
How will this world contain your wickedness?
[laughing evilly]
[electricity crackling] [evil laughter continues]
Yes! Yes! Yeah!
[laughing evilly]
[evil laughter continues]
[laughing evilly]
[screaming]
[laughing]
CARLA: [screams] No! No! No!
CARLA AND ALEX: [screaming] EVIL GENIE: [laughing]
[monitor beeping]
[beeping continues]
♪ How was your visit to our fair city?
It was delightful, most productive, as always.
I trust everything is in order?
First class, window seat, arriving in Istanbul at 9:30 a.m.
And you're quite certain you'll be able to accommodate my bags.
For a customer as loyal as you? Anything.
CARLA: [muffled screaming]
No! [muffled screaming] ALEX: [muffled] Help me!
CARLA AND ALEX: [muffled screaming]
♪
[evil laughter]
♪
♪
♪
♪♪