[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
[SINISTER LAUGHING]
[RASPY BREATHING]
♪
[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]
♪
[PEN SCRATCHING]
♪
[RASPY BREATHING]
[CHUCKLES]
[SINISTER LAUGHING]
[THUNDER CRASHES]
♪
[SHAKY BREATHING]
[WAVES CRASHING]
[SEAGULLS SCREECHING]
♪
[PENCIL SCRATCHING]
[SNIFFS]
[GROANS]
The good news is...
I always land on my feet.
Ugh, foot.
[WHEEZING LAUGH]
The age-old question...
How badly does the
patient wanna survive?
[LIQUID TRICKLING]
Never give up.
Never surrender.
[SEAGULL SCREECHING]
[GRUNTS, GROANS]
...
...
...
...
[SCREAMS]
[SEAGULLS SCREECHING]
[BABY CRYING]
If I'm to tell the whole truth...
and why not?
I got plenty of time...
I was born Richard Pinzetti
in New York's Little Italy.
All I ever wanted was to be a surgeon.
My father, an old-world greaseball,
would laugh and tell me to get
him another glass of wine.
He d*ed when he was , and I was glad.
I always had luck on my side,
present circumstances notwithstanding,
but I'm not really worried about that.
As I said, I always land on my feet.
Anyway, a poor kid from the projects
getting to college was no easy task,
so I did what any other
able-bodied kid would do.
I played sports.
But let's not forget,
being a surgeon was all I ever wanted,
so I figured a scholarship
would get me in the door,
and the world would be my oyster.
And you know what? [CHUCKLES]
I was good at it.
So I became quarterback,
but let's face it.
A doctor's hands are his life,
so I'd wrap them before every game.
Then I'd soak them after.
A lot of my teammates would rag on me,
call me chicken sh*t,
mostly this big zit-faced
assh*le named Howie Plotzsky.
But living on the streets,
making connections,
getting to know people, you know,
any assh*le knows how to die.
The thing to learn is how to survive.
So I slipped Ricky Buzelli bucks
to make Howie's mouth disappear.
Ricky obliged and brought
me three of his teeth
wrapped in a bloody paper towel.
Can you imagine the damage
I could have done to my
hands busting his face?
In med school, while the other suckers
were running themselves
ragged trying to bone up,
between waiting
tables and buffing floors,
I kept the rackets going...
Football pools, baseball pools.
I stayed tight with the old neighborhood
and made it through school just fine.
[GIGGLES]
I didn't get into pushing
until I was doing my residency.
I was working in one of
the biggest hospitals
in New York City.
At first, it was prescription blanks.
I'd sell a tablet of
to some guys from the neighborhood
along with writing samples
of or doctors.
Then they'd turn around and
sell them for apiece.
Speed freaks and nodders, they loved it.
Speaking of which,
I finally woke up shortly after dark.
Wait, have I mentioned
I haven't had anything
to eat in four days?
[WAVES CRASH]
Day f*cking three...
Haven't seen another soul.
A bunch of stuff washed up
over the last few days,
and I've taken what I can,
between that and the sh*t
that I got off the useless lifeboat,
but it could be worse.
At least I'm here, and I'm not her,
poor whoever she was.
Then this gull landed on one
of the rocks on the island.
It just stood there looking at me
with its f*cking black eyes.
[SEAGULL CAWS]
[WHOOSH, THUD, SEAGULL YELPS]
Aaah!
[SEAGULL SHRIEKS]
The sound actually gave me
great satisfaction.
I carried it back to my camp,
and before I even plucked a feather,
I dumped iodine all over the laceration.
The last thing I need
now is an infection.
No driftwood or vegetation for a fire,
so I guess it's seagull tartare.
[SQUELCHING]
[GULPING, GROANING]
, ...
, ...
[GRUNTING, RETCHING]
January th, day four.
The only reason to keep Gloria here...
That's what I call her...
Is that she attracts the gulls.
But I don't know how
much more I can handle.
Jesus, the stench...
her body baking in the sun.
Found a few things in the
suitcase I could use.
Not much else to do,
so I'm gonna keep
writing my life's story.
At least it keeps my
mind off my stomach.
Well, sort of.
I had enough socked
away from my adventures
as an intern and resident
that I could've set myself up
in a practice on Park Avenue.
Then Lowenthal gets pinched,
f*cking sheep.
They wave five years
in front of his face,
and he coughs up half a dozen names,
mine right at the top of the list.
There were a few other deals,
including prescription blanks,
which I didn't entirely give up.
It's funny; I didn't really
need that stuff anymore,
but it's hard to give up
the extra sugar, you know?
So what did I do?
Threw a couple people to the wolves.
Nobody I liked, though.
Everyone I gave to the feds
was a real son of a bitch.
[LOONS CALLING]
[STOMACH RUMBLING]
k*lled another gull today,
same way I k*lled the first.
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
I was beginning to get
scared there for a while.
It is strange how you can
feel the vitality surge back
when there's something in your stomach.
...
...
.
No place like home.
Oh, and did I tell you
I had about $ , worth of heroin?
New York street value.
You know what
it's worth here? El zilcho.
Yeah, sort of funny
if you think about it.
♪ Now look into my eyes
and see your face ♪
I wanted my shingle back,
and it was gonna cost me big.
I had some money stashed away,
but I decided I'd take a chance,
try and double or triple it.
That's when I went
to see Ronnie Hanelli.
Ronnie and I played football together.
When his kid brother decided
on internal medicine,
I helped him get his residency.
Anything for someone from the block.
He went from neighborhood
enforcer to law school,
set up a shop above the Fish Bowl.
I knew Ronnie would
have something for me.
"It's dangerous," he said,
"But you always could
take care of yourself."
[PLANE ENGINE SPUTTERING]
Hey! [PANTING]
I'm here!
[GRUNTING]
[CRUNCHING]
[SCREAMS]
I flew to Thailand as a tourist.
My Chinese friend had the merchandise,
and I took it to a guy named Ngo
who pronounced it to be
very high-grade stuff.
After three weeks,
I booked passage to San Francisco
on the cruise ship Monrovia,
first-class cabin all the way.
This guy, Ngo,
arranged for two customs officials
to wave me through,
so getting on the ship was no problem,
and Ronnie Hanelli had
arranged for a boat
to pick up the bag that
I tossed over the side
just before we docked,
so I was looking for a cook
or a steward who
could use a little cash,
keep his mouth shut.
Then the ship sank.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
Aaah!
[GRUNTS]
Well, f*ck me.
Okay.
Honey, I'm done.
No, no, don't get up.
From where I sit,
I can plainly see the letters,
every single one of them.
Could have used your help.
Took me damn near all day to spell it,
but another plane
ain't gonna miss me...
I mean, us.
If there is another plane.
[SIGHS]
You know, darling,
my foot has been throbbing constantly,
and the swelling and discoloration
is getting more and more advanced.
I think we may have to amputate.
sh*t.
All I can think about is
what Mockridge used to say
in basic anatomy.
"Sooner or later," he'd say,
"The question comes up
"in every medical student's career...
How much shock trauma
can the patient stand?"
And he'd whack his pointer
on the chart of the human body,
hitting the liver, the kidneys,
spleen, the heart.
Cut to its base level, students,
the answer is always another question.
How badly does the
patient want to survive?
So I have decided to amputate my foot.
The good thing is,
I have matches, a needle,
thread from the sewing kit,
and kilos of painkiller,
although hardly the type I'd prescribe.
It's been four days of no food,
and if I wait any longer,
I run a greater risk of fainting
from a combination of shock and hunger
in the middle of the operation.
Then I would bleed to death.
This may be my last entry.
But I think I'm gonna make it.
But don't I always?
And they really are
doing marvelous things
with artificial limbs these days.
I can get along with
one foot quite nicely.
Okay, time to see if I'm as
good a doctor as I think I am.
[SCREAMS]
I'm close to digging the
stitches out with my fingers,
letting the blood flow into the sand.
Anything to be rid of
this maddening itch.
So I count backwards from
and snort the heroin.
I have no idea how much I've snorted,
but I've pretty much been
stoned since the operation.
It depresses hunger, you know?
Weird.
I'm hardly aware of being hungry at all,
like this distant gnawing.
I could easily ignore it,
but I can't.
Gotta eat.
[PLANE ENGINE HUMMING]
Huh? No.
No! No!
[GRUNTS] Help!
Hey.
[GROANING]
Lobster, mmm, garlic bread...
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, mother's lasagna,
prime rib, peach melba,
onion rings.
GLORIA: Hey.
Richard.
You need to eat.
I'm right here.
Let's face it.
I might be better than nothing.
What are your alternatives?
[GROANS]
[GURGLES]
It's fourth quarter,
down by three, third and long.
Pinzetti goes back to pass.
I was convinced it was gonna fly off,
but it didn't.
The pain from my stump was excruciating,
but this assh*le bird
strutting back and forth
with its meaty breast thrown out
like some avian general
reviewing his troops,
my insides tightened with hunger.
,
, ...
- [SEAGULL SCREECHING]
- [STOMACH RUMBLING]
...
I couldn't afford to miss,
couldn't commit
'cause I couldn't afford to f*ck this up
because if I did,
I knew exactly what that meant.
Gloria.
- [GRUNTS]
- [SEAGULL YELPS, SHRIEKS]
It's the race of the cripples.
[GRUNTING]
No, no! Don't you f*cking dare!
[GRUNTS]
[SEAGULL CAWING]
[STOMACH RUMBLING]
Would have gotten there faster,
but my hands...
must protect the hands.
I may need them again.
Gloria.
The storm washed her away.
[GRUNTS]
I've... I've amputated the other foot.
[THUNDER CRASHES]
Strange...
All through the operation,
I was drooling.
Just like when I saw the gull,
drooling helplessly...
like an idiot.
I'm out of food, and I have no choice.
It tastes like cold roast beef...
cold roast beef...
cold roast beef...
[THUNDER CRASHES]
[RAIN PATTERING]
[SINISTER LAUGHTER]
Oh, look at that.
I'm beginning to feel half-human again.
Half-human,
or maybe a quarter-human,
or an eighth.
[GROANS]
♪
[CHOMPING]
Ugh! [SPUTTERS]
[COUGHING]
It's day .
I noticed the storm washed
away my "help" sign,
along with what was left of Gloria.
That was three days ago, I think.
Have I been that stoned?
I need to watch it, cut down my dosage.
What if a ship would have
gone by while I was tripping?
Need... Need to protect the hands,
no matter what.
[LIQUID TRICKLING]
[FLUTTERING]
[SEAGULL SCREECHING]
[GROANING]
Took off my right leg at the knee.
Lost a lot of blood.
The pain was excruciating
in spite of the heroin.
[PENCIL SCRATCHING]
Shock trauma would have
k*lled a lesser man.
How badly does the
patient wanna survive?
Let me answer with a question.
How badly does the patient wanna live?
"Doctor, was the operation necessary?"
[CHUCKLES]
I dreamt about Phil
Hammersmith's barbecue pit,
sitting on his porch at dusk
with drinks in our hands
talking about surgical procedures
or golf or something.
The breeze picks up the sweet
smell of roasting pork.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Sweet Jesus...
The smell of roasting pork...
[SOBS SOFTLY]
Took the other leg last night.
[GROANS]
I couldn't stop my hands from shaking.
So much blood under my fingernails.
I remember the anatomical
models from med school,
but I can't even look down...
[MOANING] No. No way, no...
No how.
But I get it. [LAUGHING]
I know... I know what I need to do.
[MUMBLING]
What they're doing with
artificial limbs these days,
I could be good as new.
I could come back to this
place and tell everyone
that this... that this is
where it happened.
[GASPING]
[SOBBING]
Don't dare,
but no choice.
How do I tie off the femoral artery?
It's as big as a highway up there.
I just wish I could stop drooling.
There's nothing left of my face
but a skin-covered skull.
I must be insane by now.
I'm a monster.
[LOW TONE]
Nothing left below the groin,
just a freak,
a head attached to a torso
dragging itself along
the sand by its elbows.
A crab, a stoned crab.
[LAUGHING]
They say you are what you eat, right?
So I haven't changed much.
Been seeing my father.
When he was drunk,
he lost all of his English,
not that he had anything
to say, dipstick.
I was so glad to get out of your house,
you f*cking piece of sh*t,
know-nothing loser.
I made it.
I walked away from you!
Left hand washes the right.
Don't let the left hand know
what the right one is doing.
One potato, two potato.
Who cares?
This hand, that hand,
good food, good meat.
Let's eat.
Ladyfingers...
They taste just like ladyfingers.
[CHEWING]
Ladyfingers...
Fingers...
Fingers.
[LAUGHING]
[SEAGULLS SCREECHING]
_
_
_
_
_
_
[CELLPHONE VIBRATES]
♪ No, you don't ♪
♪ Try to talk me outta seeing ghosts ♪
♪ The dead don't scare me,
so you know I won't ♪
♪ I try to hide from all my ghosts,
all my ghosts ♪
BLAKE: I'm only trying
this because I'm so bored,
I wish I was dead.
Hi, Twitter.
Wanna know what I'm doing?
Oh, how to say this in
characters or less?
Screaming inside.
Oh, my, didn't that sound melodramatic?
Let's try this again.
Hello, Twitterverse.
I am Blake, and Blake is me.
What am I doing? Counting seconds.
Only about, uh,
, more until we finish
what is hopefully the last
family trip of my life.
[NOTIFICATION CHIMES]
It's been all downhill
since we got to Colorado,
and I don't mean on my snowboard.
We were supposed to spend the
break boarding and skiing,
but it's too cold and
won't stop snowing,
so we had to go to plan B.
What's plan B?
Oh, I'm so glad you asked.
Plan B is Mom and I
face off in a contest
to see who can make the other
cry hot tears of rage first.
She is the bitch queen of Bitchtopia.
Our van is looking like the setting
for a cage match duel to the death,
all of us jammed in
together for three days.
Who will emerge alive?
Place your bets, ladies and germs.
Personally, I predict no survivors.
[CROWD CHEERING]
[NOTIFICATION CHIMES,
CELLPHONE CAMERA CLICKS]
You know what bitchy
thing she said to me
a couple hours ago?
She said the reason that I hate Colorado
is because I can't blog about it.
She's always saying
social media is more real
for me and my friends than the world.
For us, nothing really happens
until someone posts about it.
She says the internet
is life validation.
Validating what?
I told her I only have,
like, followers on here,
so the only thing it's validating
is that I'm a total loser.
[NOTIFICATION CHIMES]
Then she says people do social media
because they're scared to die.
Ooh, so deep.
She said no one ever blogs
about their own death.
No one's status ever says, "dead."
People go online to hide from death
and wind up hiding from life...
Crap like that.
She ought to write fortune
cookies for a living.
I told Mom, no,
the reason I hate Colorado
is 'cause I'm stuck with her,
and it's all way too real.
♪ Round and round and round ♪
♪ Been there for you to say ♪
♪ Get outta my face ♪
♪ Coming down
the mountain in the snow ♪
♪ We'll be coming down the
mountain in the snow ♪
One more hairpin turn,
and my stomach's gonna blow.
Seriously, my contribution to
this glorious family moment
will be when I barf on Eric's head.
If we wind up in a snow bank
and have a Donner party,
I know whose ass they'll be
chewing on first... mine.
Of course, my survival
skills would amount
to Twittering madly for
someone to rescue us.
Mom would make a slingshot
out of rubber from the tires,
k*ll squirrels with it,
make a fur bikini out of them,
and be super sad when we were rescued.
Dad would go out of his mind
because we'd have to burn
his books to stay warm.
[CHUCKLES]
Eric would put on a
pair of my leggings...
Not to stay warm,
just 'cause my little brother
wants to wear my leggings.
I wrote that last bit
'cause Eric was looking
over my shoulder.
The sick bastard said wearing
my leggings is the closest
he'll probably come to
getting laid in high school.
Mom taught him to knit while
we were snowed in here
in happy Colorado,
and he knitted himself a cock sock.
He's completely gross, but I love him.
♪ And I know,
and I know you can't hear me ♪
It's snowing in the mountains,
but not down here.
Goodbye, beautiful mountains.
Hello, not-so-beautiful Utah desert.
Now Eric is trying on my leggings.
He's so bored.
Mom thinks it's funny,
but Dad is stressing.
I dared Eric to wear
a skirt in the diner
when we stop for food,
and I promised him that if he does it,
I'll invite a certain
hot goth girl chick
to the pool party in April
so he can see her in her tacky bikini,
even though I don't like her.
There's no way he'll do it.
Oh, my God, he's doing it.
Oh, my gosh, Mom can't stop laughing.
Eric saves the day! [LAUGHS]
Although now I have to invite
that goth girl to the pool party.
But she probably won't come.
I think sunlight burns her.
I was actually glad to be
with these people right now,
and for, like, three seconds,
I liked Mom,
but then she had to go
and ruin everything.
I seriously barely glanced at my phone,
and I guess, like, the waitress
was standing there or whatever,
waiting for my order,
and I didn't notice,
and Mom had to trot out her stories
about being a waitress herself
and how demeaning it was
not to be acknowledged,
just to rub it in.
And she can be, like, completely right,
and I can still hate how
she makes me feel like sh*t
every chance she gets.
Don't tell her I said she
was completely right.
Smug bitch.
Now Mom's berating Dad
because some detour
he accidentally took added
miles to our trip.
[NOTIFICATION CHIMES]
Eric, I am psychically willing you
to find some reason to get off the road.
Put the leggings back on.
Say you have to pee, anything, please.
No, no, no, Eric, no!
When I was sending you psychic signals,
this is not what I meant.
Even Mom doesn't wanna stop.
Write it down, kids.
First time in two years
we've agreed on anything.
Ugh, Dad is being a prick now,
says, "Well, I could use a break
from being in the car
with you jackasses."
Thanks, Dad.
Love you, too.
Yeah, this looks super popular.
#Sarcasm.
Circus of the Dead?
More like Circus of the Lame.
The ticket guy looks really sick...
Not funny sick. Sick-sick.
- How you doing?
- He smells, too.
Mom says to be sure to keep doing
whatever you're doing on your phone.
She wouldn't want me to look up and,
I don't know, see something happening.
The only thing that's
gonna happen here
is one of us is gonna get the plague.
Mom just told Dad that
I'll love the circus
'cause it'll be just like the Internet.
YouTube is full of clowns, she says.
Facebook is full of fire-breathers,
and blogs are for people who can't live
without a spotlight on them.
I'm gonna tweet, like,
five times a minute
and make her insane.
Come on. Don't... There we go.
The usher is a weird old guy.
Dad says he looks like Mickey Rooney,
whoever that is.
Uh, he has on a hazmat suit.
He says it's so he won't get bitten.
[SINISTER LAUGHING]
It is dark as hell in here.
I almost fell twice
getting to our seats.
Ugh, this circus reeks.
I don't know what I'm smelling.
Are those the animals?
Call PETA and the fire marshal.
It's totally claustrophobic.
We're so squished in,
I don't think we could
leave if we wanted to.
Oh, wait, they just flipped
on the spotlight.
Showtime.
b*ating heart, restrain yourself.
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the Circus of the Dead!
Well, that got Eric and Dad's attention.
[RASPY BREATHING]
Did I mention there are
zombies in clown outfits,
chasing her around?
Whoa, they almost grabbed her.
Ooh, she's quick.
She says she's been a
prisoner of the circus
for six weeks and survived
because she learned the stilts fast.
Says her boyfriend couldn't
figure them out, fell down,
and then he was
eaten on the first night.
This is not a joke!
She walked right up to the wall under us
and begged someone to pull
her over and rescue her,
but the guy in the
front row just laughed.
Eric is yelling that he'll save her.
- ERIC: I'll save you!
- He just stood up
and is flexing.
I hope he doesn't get
a cramp in his one ab.
Mom says she can't take us anywhere.
Uh, promise?
Because I would like to be
nowhere with these people
for the rest of ever.
The skank mistress had
to run away in a hurry
before Zippo the Zombie
knocked her off her stilts.
It's actually all very
well-choreographed.
You can totally believe
they're trying to get her.
Here at the Circus of the Dead,
we always begin things with a bang.
Eric says he has fantasies
about a certain goth girl
putting him in a rig like that.
Ugh! #Ew.
This show would actually
be a great date
for the two of them.
It's got a hint of sex,
a whiff of bondage,
and it's really, really morbid.
Hmm, they just put
a zombie in the cannon.
[RASPY BREATHING]
Yuck!
They pointed the cannon at
the crowd and fired it,
and f*cking zombie
parts went everywhere.
The guy in the row in front of us
got smashed in the mouth
with a flying shoe.
He's bleeding and everything.
Hello, lawsuit.
f*cking yuck.
There's still a foot inside the shoe.
It's totally realistic-looking.
The guy sitting in front of us
just walked off with
his wife to complain,
same dude who laughed
at the ringmistress
when she asked for help.
Part of me wants to leave,
but the rest of me is
watching this unfold
like a car wreck I can't unsee.
[GROANS]
Ugh, Dad had a zombie lip in his hair!
I'm so glad I didn't eat lunch.
It looks like a gummy worm,
and it smells like ass.
Naturally, Eric wants to keep it.
[CAGE SQUEAKING]
[LION ROARS]
Yay, a lion!
[LION ROARS]
RINGMISTRESS:
This next act is the cat's meow.
Aww, I am still girl
enough to like a big cat.
[LION ROARS]
Oh, that's a really sad-looking lion.
Not fun.
They're opening the cage
and sending in zombies,
and he's hissing like a housecat.
Damn! Lion power, whoo!
Ew, not so much cheering now.
He's got one,
and he's tugging out its guts
like he's pulling on the
end of a tug-of-w*r rope.
They're sending in more zombies.
[ROARING, SQUELCHING]
Oh, gross!
The zombies are passing around
organ meat and hunks of fur.
It's awful! Oh, I feel sick.
Dad saw I was getting upset
and told me how they did it.
The cage has a false bottom,
and they pulled the real
lion out through the floor.
Oh, you really get
swept up in this thing.
RINGMISTRESS: And now,
who is brave enough to join me?
Now the ringmistress is back out
asking for a volunteer.
Uh, hard pass.
That person is definitely
contracting herpes.
Mm, where'd Eric go?
Probably went to
barf after that lion act.
WTF?
The fire swallower just came out.
One of the men in a hazmat suit...
f*ck me! They just stuck
a torch down his throat,
and now he's burning!
He's running around with, like,
smoke coming out of his mouth
and fire coming out of his eyes
like a jack-o-lant... Oh!
They just let him burn to
death from the inside out!
That's the realest thing I've ever seen.
What's even realer is the corpse
after the hazmat guys
sprayed it down with
a fire extinguisher.
It looks so sad and shriveled.
Oh, ringmistress is back.
She's really weaving around.
I think something's
wrong with her ankle.
She says someone from
the audience has agreed
to be tonight's sacrifice.
She said he will be the lucky one.
Oh, no! He did not!
They just wheeled Eric out
cuffed to a big wooden wheel.
[DING!] Did he just wink at us?
Oh, psycho.
Go, Eric! Whoo!
They hauled out a zombie
and chained him to a stake in the dirt,
and there's a box in front
of him full of hatchets.
I don't like where this is going.
[ZOMBIE GROANING]
[ZOMBIE GRUNTS]
[SCREAMS]
Someone screamed like
they got it in the head.
Obvious plant.
[LAUGHTER]
Everyone's laughing now.
The lion scene was a little grim,
but we're back to funny again.
Eric is spinning around
and around on the wheel.
I think he's gonna yak.
Ooh, I am not as brave as Eric.
[SCREAMS]
[NOTIFICATION CHIMES]
Dad says it's a trick. He's fine.
Says he'll probably come
out later as a zombie.
All a part of the show.
[SIGHS]
Oh, yep. Looks like Dad's right.
They've promised that
he'll reemerge shortly.
Ugh, Mom is wigging.
She wants Dad to go check on Eric.
She's starting to go nuts...
So embarrassing.
Says that guy who got hit by
the shoe never came back,
and I don't really see what
that has to do with Eric,
and besides,
if I got hit by a flying shoe,
I wouldn't come back either.
Mom bullied Dad into checking on Eric.
Sanity restored.
This is why Eric volunteered.
With the fishnets and all,
she's very goth-hot.
- RINGMISTRESS: This is it, folks.
- She's being weird.
If I go off-script, they don't let me...
She says if she goes off-script,
they don't let her out of the ring.
- Who cares?
- But she doesn't care.
- I twisted my ankle earlier.
- She twisted her ankle
and knows tonight is her last night.
Tonight is my final show.
- Says her name is...
- BOTH: Gail Ross.
And she went to high school in Plano,
was going to marry her
boyfriend after college,
says his name was Craig,
and he wanted to teach.
Nice backstory.
I'm impressed with the
attention to detail.
Now she's saying that
she's sorry for all of us.
She says that they take our
cars and dispose of them
while we're in the tent and that,
like, every year,
, people vanish on the
road with no explanation.
Their cars turn up empty or not at all.
No one will miss us.
Creepy.
Oh, here's Eric!
His zombie makeup is really good.
Most of the zombies
are black and rotted,
but he looks like a fresh k*ll.
Still got the hatchet in the neck.
And that looks totally fake.
I just said he's not very
good at being a zombie,
and Mom told me to be supportive.
Seriously?
He isn't even trying to walk slow.
Oh, sh*t, I hope
that's part of the show.
He just knocked her down.
Eric, Eric, Eric!
She hit the dirt really, really hard.
RINGMISTRESS: Oh, no. You f*cking...
They're eating her
like they ate the lion.
Eric is playing with her guts?
He's going totally method.
f*cking gross.
And to the new followers
I've gotten tonight,
you're f*cking gross, too.
You guys will be
disappointed tomorrow
when I go back to tweeting
about my breakfast.
#Boring.
Zombie cheerleaders?
They're making a human pyramid,
or maybe I should say
an inhuman pyramid.
They're surprisingly
good at it for zombies.
Go, team!
I wonder if they have
a zombie spirit stick.
Be aggressive. Zom-bie aggressive!
Eric is climbing the pyramid
like he knows what he's doing.
He's up high enough to grab
the wall around the ring.
He's snarling at
someone in the front row.
I didn't know he was such a good actor.
I wonder if they gave him,
like, backstage training...
[SCREAMS]
[GROWLING, PEOPLE SCREAMING]
This is really dangerous.
It's so dark,
and lots of people are
screaming and running around!
[GROWLING, PEOPLE SCREAMING]
I can't say anything, or they'll hear.
We're being very, very quiet.
[SOBS SOFTLY]
We're off I- .
Mom says exit , Utah.
Never mind. Mom says we're in Arizona.
Gosh, she's always correcting me.
Damn it, Mom!
- _
- [WOMAN SCREAMS]
[FLY BUZZING]
The crowd... Oh, God, that smell.
[FLIES BUZZ, RAT SQUEAKS]
They were all dead.
The people in the stands were all dead
except for us and a few others.
The corpses were roped together
to the seats, like rotting mannequins,
and we couldn't tell
because it was so dark.
It's quiet now,
less screaming and growling.
They're dragging people
into piles and eating them.
The man who got hit by the
shoe earlier walked by,
but he's a zombie now.
[HISSES]
Just Mom and me now.
I love my mom. She's so brave.
I love her so much, so much.
I never meant any of
the bad things, not one.
[WHIMPERING] I'm so scared.
They're searching to
see if anyone is left.
We're here waiting for help.
Please forward this to
everyone on Twitter.
This is true, not an Internet prank.
[GROWLS]
Oh, God... [SOBS]
It was Dad.
[LOW GROWLING]
He went by,
and Mom sat up and said his name,
and... and oh, God, not Dad!
[GASPING]
Mom? Mommy?
[GROWLING]
[LOUD ROAR]
Mommy!
Mommy!
[SINISTER LAUGHING]
- [KEYS CLACKING]
Aaah!
[SINISTER LAUGHING]
♪
[THUNDER CRASHES]