01x06 - Dia De La Dina

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Gabby Duran & the Unsittables". Aired: October 2019 - present.*
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Gabby finds herself babysitting extraterrestrial children who are hiding out on Earth and vows to protect their secret.
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01x06 - Dia De La Dina

Post by bunniefuu »

(phone ringing, vibrating)

♪ ♪

(phone continues)

Where did I put my phone?

(sniffs, gags)

Hmm.

(phone continues)

Ah.

Oh, no!

Dia de la Dina!

(theme song playing)

Oh, yeah

I do normal like a fish
rides a bicycle


Fit in like summer
and an icicle


Don't fight it,
just be an original


Ooh, ooh, ooh

I roller skate
outside the lines


When I try to stay in,
it's no surprise


It's a fail, it's okay,
I'm one of a kind


One of a, one of a kind

So anytime I feel
some type of way


Don't understand
the human race


So what, so what, so what

I do my thing,
I do my thing


You do your thing,
You do your thing


When we don't fit in

We stand out in the crowd
and we shout it loud


I do my thing,
I do my thing


I'm the one and only,
I'm the one and only


Don't try to fit in,
Don't try to fit in


Mm-hmm, I do my thing

And what exactly is
Dia de la Dina?

It's a special holiday
Olivia and I

invented for my mom
a couple years ago.

We figure since
she's a single parent,

she deserves more than just
Mother's Day, you know?

Aw, that's nice.

It was nice.

And then, last year happened.

I saved up my allowance

and took Mom and Olivia
out to brunch.


Because I wanted
to feel like a big sh*t,


I made my mom get the most
expensive thing on the menu.


(in slow-mo):
She'll have the Clams Casino.

She said they tasted funny,

but I insisted she
eat the whole tray.


It was my big Dia de la Dina
gift, after all.

- (stomach gurgling)
- Then, all of a sudden...

(gags)

She tried to find an appropriate
place to hurl, but...


♪ ♪

She just couldn't make it.

♪ ♪

(splattering)

Just to be clear, your mom...

clam-chowdered all over a baby?

And I vowed that day
to spend all year

finding the perfect gift
to make up for it.

- And you immediately forgot?
- And then I immediately forgot.

And now Dia de la Dina
is tomorrow!

Okay, what ideas do you have?

Clams Casino?

- You got nothing?
- I got nothing. (Sighs)

♪ ♪

So, last year's
Dia de la Dina was...

- Terrible?
- Puke-inducing?

An adventure.

But I just wanted
to remind the both of you

that whatever you decide
to get me this year is fine.

It doesn't matter if it's
an incredibly impressive

macaroni art portrait like
Olivia made me last year...

♪ ♪

Or a lovely meal.

(stomach gurgling)

Whatever you get me,
I will love it.

Because it's from my daughters.

Trust me, Mom, I got you
the perfect gift this year.

You're never gonna
guess what it is.

But I mean, if you want to
guess what the perfect gift was,

what would it be and where
would you get it?

Very funny, Gabby.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a few errands to run.

I'll be back in a little bit.

So, perfect gift, huh?

- You better believe it.
- (door closes)

Word of advice, sis:

There's only room in this family
for one great gift-giver.

(whispering):
And it's me.

♪ ♪

(Orb whirring)

(laser zapping)

Mmmm. Oh.

Well, Orb, the time has come.

I've been looking forward
to this for the past two years.

My last day on Earth.

It's time for me to return
to my beloved Gor-Monia

and claim my rightful place
as Chief Advisor

to the Supreme Leader

of the most prestigious
planet in the cosmos.

Orb:
You will be missed.

Yes, it's bittersweet,

but my time on this quaint
little rock has come to an end.

Though before I leave,

I have some loose ends
I must tie up.

Thankfully, I'll be
returning home

with the one thing
that has brought me

the greatest joy
during my time here.

Orb:
Aww, thank you, sir.

A device that has served me well
and proved most reliable.

- Orb: I would be honored to...
- This fancy drinking stick.

♪ ♪

Ah.

Mmmm.

Utter perfection.

Uh, uh, uh.

Enough dilly-dallying.
Much to do.

Orb:
My revenge will be delicious.

Jeremy, may I speak
with you briefly?

As you know, the time has come
for me to depart Earth.

And while it hasn't
always been easy

having a reckless,
horrible dunderhead

such as yourself as my ward,

it was a noble undertaking.

I know this might
prove difficult for you,

but rest assured,
my replacement will be top-notch.

And I suppose a tiny,
tiny part of me

will miss our time together,
as well also.

Oh, hey, Principal.
Did you say something?

These virtual reality
glasses are great,

because I can totally
ignore you without being rude.

- (video game sound effects)
- Ugh.

Not sure what
I was expecting there.

Moving on!

Come on, there's gotta
be something in here!

Some clue about what she really
wants but wouldn't get herself.

Do you really think we should be

going through your
mom's stuff like this?

I mean, what if one of us

accidentally tries on
her perfume?

(sniffing)

Did you try on my mom's perfume?

Hey, a closet!
Let's, let's look through that.

There's gotta be
something in here!

- (door opens)
- Olivia: Looking for ideas, huh?

I thought you said
you had the perfect gift.

I do. I'm just...

making sure Mom has
somewhere to put it.

Because, you know,
it's very big and impressive.

Hey, out of curiosity, what,
uh, what are you getting her?

Sorry, Gabby.
A magician never reveals her secrets.

(phone ringing, vibrating)

- (answers phone)
- Go for Liv.

Yes, I called about
the string quartet for Dina.

Sorry, I have to take this.

Also, it smells like perfume
and desperation in here.

Let's keep looking.

♪ ♪

Hello. What do we have here?

Looks like some sort of
secret keepsake box.

My parents have
one of those too.

I'm never looking
through that again.

(chuckling) Whoa!

It's my mom's
most prized possessions.

- What is it?
- It's a screenplay.

"Weekends with Cadbury"
by Dina Perez.

Wow, maiden name.
Must've been a long time ago.

Your mom wrote a movie script?

I think we just found
the perfect gift.

We're gonna make my mom's movie.

Think about it: This movie is
obviously important to my mom,

or she wouldn't have
kept it in a keepsake box.

Yeah, she probably always
dreamed about making movies,

but had to give it up in order
to have a family, you know?

Kinda like my mom
gave up ballet.

She reminds me
that I ruined it for her

every year when
we see The Nutcracker.

Exactly.

So what better gift
could there possibly be

than her oldest daughter
bringing her dreams to life?

Now all we need to do is
get the day off from school.

♪ ♪

All right.
No more putting this off.

I'll tell Gabby goodbye
and then I'll be done with it.

Like ripping off a bandage.

A bandage that
I've come to respect.

What's good, Swifty?

Oh... Gabby. Hello.
I... I'm glad you're here.

There's something that
I need to talk to you about.

Great, there's something
I need to talk to you about too.

I need the day off from school

so I can make my mom's
screenplay into an epic movie,

thereby giving her
the greatest gift of all time

and redeeming myself
for last year's clam debacle.

I don't quite follow.

Nevertheless, Gabby,
ever since you agreed

to become a babysitter
for the alien community,

we've really gotten to know
each other quite well.

- Yeah, it's been great.
- Yes, it has been great.

And you've been great.

And because you've been
so... so... great...

It feels like you've got
something to say here, Swifty,

but I'm kind of
on a tight clock, so...

No, it's fine.
I'll tell you later.

Just go make your movie.

Thanks, Swifty.
You're the best.

♪ ♪

I'll... tell her later.

"Weekends with Cadbury."
Scene one, take one.

All right, let's make
some magic!

And... action!

(southern accent):
I wish I could see the world

through your eyes, Cadbury.

Cut!

(warbling)

What's wrong?

Look, Wesley, I love
what you're doing.

Really, I do. But...

Okay, what's with the accent?

Well, I'm envisioning
my character raised

in the Mississippi Delta.
Southern gentleman.

Look, guys.

This movie is my chance

to make my mom something great.

We've already lost a lot
of time building the set.

Now, I don't know
what Olivia's working on,

- but I can tell you that...
- Olivia: Can you guys keep it down?

The doves need their rest
before the big performance.

♪ ♪

(Gabby sighs)

So if I don't want
my redemption gift

to look like garbage
in comparison,

then it needs to be perfect.

And that means no
southern accents, okay?

Got it.
No southern accent.

Good. Let's do it again.

(warbling)

And action.

(Russian accent): Babushka, I wish I
could see the world through your eyes.

Cut!

(warbling)

Hey, I'm getting kind of bored,

so I think I'm gonna go wrestle
your garden hose for a bit.

Jeremy, we don't have time for...

I'll let you know who wins.

♪ ♪

Next item on the list:

"Constructively Criticize
School Staff."

Good day, fellow educators!

It is my understanding
that constructive criticism

is generally appreciated?
Is that... true?

- Larry: Well...
- Not you, Larry.

I'm looking for
a credible source.

Ah, Margaret the Librarian.

I suppose you intend
to regale me

with another boring story
about one of your many cats.

Not the time!

- Hey!
- Mr. Falkenberry...

I'm surprised you're
not eating alone

in the Science Wing bathroom
as is your custom.

Quite gross.

Well, since no one seems willing
to give me an honest answer

when I'm simply trying to help,
I'll just go ahead.

You're all very
horrible at your jobs.

(teachers gasping, murmuring)

You're welcome.

♪ ♪

You're garbage.

I'm on fire!

You can't guard me.

Boom, baby!

♪ ♪

Howard:
This is the best you got?

"Drop Knowledge on Howard."

Check ball, Howard.

Ooh.

♪ ♪

Bank.

Made a deposit
in the bank, Howard.

Hup, hup.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

You're going to fail P.E.
today. Check ball.

Huh! Oh!

(kids exclaiming)

Tut-tut-tut-tut.

Oh!

Huh. Oh, Howard!

Oh!

Huh, huh, huh.
Oh, Howard!

(all applauding)

Howard shows great potential,

but he lacks attention
to detail. (Chuckling)

Oh!

You just got posterized, Howard.

Principal Swish!

Pour it in there.

♪ ♪

Mmmm.

I quit.

I am your principal no more.

Tell them what you saw
here today, Dobek.

I saw a man,
but on the court, a God.

Wesley:
Please, Cadbury, please!

Jeremy's voice:
Sorry, Rodrigo!

- But what about us?
- There is no us!

Cut! Cut, cut, cut, cut.

Okay, can we try this again
with a little more... nuance?

Look, I keep telling you,
I don't know what that means.

Well, me neither,
but I know it's lacking.

(warbling)

I think the problem might be

that your mom's movie
doesn't make any sense.


What are you talking about?

Wesley:
Well, it started out as

a heartfelt tale about
a boy and his rabbit,

but now that rabbit is
a giant k*ller squirrel

and, for some reason,
my name changed to Rodrigo.

Yeah. And it says my character
is actually a spirit,

but I feel very real, Gabby.
Very real!

I gotta be honest, I don't know
what this movie is about at all.

Look, this movie
makes sense, okay?

If it didn't make sense,

then it couldn't be the
greatest gift of all time.

And it is going to be
the greatest gift of all time,

so therefore it must make sense!

- Does that make sense?
- More sense than your mom's movie.

Look, I know this is tough,
but think about my mom.

Besides me and Olivia,
she has nothing.

She's probably somewhere
bawling her eyes out right now.

♪ ♪

Snake eyes!
Three in a row!

Dia de la Dina, baby!

Shuffle 'em up, Fernando.
I'm on a heater.

(munching)

So, buck up!

Because we need to make
a movie good enough

to slap the taste
of Clams Casino

out of my mom's mouth for good.

Look, Gabby,
I wanna help you, but...

this is taking a lot longer
than you said it would

and I gotta get home
or I'm gonna get grounded.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna go too.

Because I wanna.

Look, guys, you can't leave!

Uh, hello?

We still have to sh**t
the big musical number!

I'm sorry, Gabby.

Fine, I'll do this
all by myself!

I'll stay in this warehouse
all night if I have to!

(lights powering down)

Okay, maybe a couple
location changes,

but I'm doing this!

Scene one, take fifteen.

Check. Check.

(southern accent):
I sure wish I could

see the world through
your eyes, Cadbury.

Gah, why am I doing
a southern accent?

(groans)

How's your Dia de la Dina
gift coming along?

Uh, great! Just sh**ting
some retakes. No biggie.

It's already pretty much the
greatest movie ever. (Chuckles)

What's that?

Uh, what's what?

Oh. This?

Just a stand-in.
Common practice in the film biz.

Cool, cool.

Hey, how many ribbon dancers

do you think
this ceiling can hold?

All right, fine!
My gift's a disaster!

I really thought I would be able
to redeem myself for last year,

but I guess not.

So what ridiculously amazing
gift did you get her?

Actually...

I got nothing.

These blueprints are
accurate but pointless.

What? But what about the
string quartet and the doves?

I was just trying
to psych you out

until I came up
with a great idea.

But now I'm out of time
and I've got nothing.

Hey, we've still got
two hours, a camera,

and a very realistic
sock puppet.

Wanna make a present
for Mom together?

It doesn't involve
clams, does it?

- It does not.
- Then I'm in.

"Say Goodbye to Gabby."

No more putting this off.

(phone chimes)

Gabby... when you watch this,

I will have already begun
my journey home to Gor-Monia.

I'm sorry I wasn't able
to tell you in person.

(recorded piano music)

(southern accent):
I wish I could see the world

through your eyes, Cadbury.

They say eating carrots
is good for your eyesight.


If you eat enough of them,

you'll never lose sight
of who you really love.


(piano music continues)

(Olivia spits)

(both laughing on video)

Aw, you two made this together?

- Yep.
- Check it out.

Gabby / Olivia:
A Duran Sisters Joint.

Gosh. (Sniffles)

"Weekends with Cadbury."

I mean, how'd you even
know about this?

I found the script in your
keepsake box in your closet.

You went through my stuff?

Eh, not the point.

The point is, it was
such a great script,

I knew I had to make it.

Oh, yeah?
You really liked it?

(scoffs)
Liked it?

It was unlike anything
I've ever read.

Yeah, I understood all of it.

Girls, I get it.
The script is terrible.

- Oh, I'm so glad you said that.
- It made zero sense.

I only kept it
because it was so bad

that it started me
in a new direction.

That's how I found a career
I actually love:

Being a newscaster.

But do you know what
I love even more?

Is being your mom.

This is the best
Dia De La Dina gift

I could have ever asked for.

- I wanna watch it again.
- (phone dings)

Sure thing. Give me one second.
I'll be right back.

Cross my heart
and promise you


Your secret's safe with me

Principal Swift:
Gabby, when you watch this,

I will have already begun
my journey home to Gor-Monia.


I'm sorry I wasn't able
to tell you in person.


My replacement should
arrive within hours


to aid you in your
babysitting duties.


I wish I'd had the courage

to tell you I was leaving
face-to-face.


Our working relationship...

Dare I say, friendship...

Was one of the best things
about my time on Earth.


Friends like us

(phone beeps off)

Friends like us

Friends like us

(whirring from above)

(whooshing)

(warbling)

(laughing)

Yes! Yes! Yes!

(laughing)

(ship beeping)

Principal Swift: Greetings,
Glor-Bron the Eighth.

Heeeyyy, buddy!
How's every little thing?

Um... Oh, fine, I suppose.

Great! Great!

Uh, is this my transport?
It's rather small.

Also, when will
my replacement arrive?

Yeah. About that.

We found you
a great replacement.

Supes cool dude.

Well, I suppose
that's good news.

He will have his hands
full here on Earth.

Yeah, I mean,
everyone loves him.

He's got a sick sense of humor,

but never takes it
over the line.

It's a delicate balance,
but he strikes it.

- All right.
- Anywho...

The thing is, we kinda want
to keep him on Gor-Monia,

so we're gonna need you to
stay down there a while longer.

But... but... but I'm supposed
to be the Chief Advisor!

The Supreme Leader needs me!

I know. Plans, am I right?
(laughing)

Anyway, I gotta run.
But you look great.

Keep up the good work,
Jeremy, those reports!

Wanna hear more about
those Hemsworth brothers.

"Team Liam"!
Late-ski!

(whooshing)

No! Take me with you!

(warbling)

Don't leave me here!

No!

(chuckling)
Oh, thank you!

You were only kidding!
What a cruel joke! (Chuckling)

- (ship zapping) - No!
Not my fancy drinking stick!

- (Principal yelping)
- (ship whooshing)

Nooooooooooooo!

(sobbing)

Next time on Gabby Duran
and the Unsittables...

(crying):
Your planet, mine...

Everywhere I turn,
no one wants me.


Orb: When something traumatic
happens to a Gor-Mon,

they enter thought-darkness.

- Gabby: How do we fix him?
-Orb: No one knows.

My life is pointless!

Well... that's new.

♪ ♪

Gorgeous!
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