03x08 - The Party's Over

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Nanny". Aired: November 1993 to June 1999.*
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After being fired from her job she is mistakenly hired to care for the family of a widowed Broadway producer.
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03x08 - The Party's Over

Post by bunniefuu »

Maxwell, I cannot tell you how excited I am

about our little weekend getaway to Boston.

It's a business trip, C.C.

Of course I know that.

Work, work, work. In fact,
right now I'm off to get a wax.

I mean,

fax.

Don't worry, sir. You'll
be right near Salem.

They know how to take
care of her kind there.

Niles, you don't think C.C.
wants to go to Boston to,

you know...

Shout, "The British are coming?"

Oh, no, sir.

No. As a matter of fact,
just before you came in,

she was saying what a shame it is

the children can't go with you.

- Oh, really?
- Hmm.

Well, I suppose it would
be educational for them.

Oh, but the hotel only has two rooms.

Do you think she would
mind sharing with the girls?

Mind?

How many times have we heard her say,

"I don't care who I sleep with"?

I'm never gonna meet anybody.

I'm never gonna fulfill my dream
of buying double burial plots.

- That's your dream, Val?
- Mmm-hmm.

That's my dream, too.

(GASPS)

No wonder we're best friends.

Fran? Yeah?

You think we're being too particular?

I mean, maybe...

maybe we should lower our standards.

Lower our standards?

Val, we're already down to mammal.

All I want is a nice, cute
guy with a couple of bucks.

What?

Have you ever seen Harold and Maude?

Oh, forget it.

Once you've seen a guy
in his Batman pajamas,

there's just no mystery left.

* She was working in a
bridal shop in Flushing, Queens


* 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out

* in one of those crushing scenes

* What was she to
do? Where was she to go?


* She was out on her fanny

* So over the bridge from
Flushing to the Sheffield's door


* She was there to sell
makeup, but the father saw more


* She had style! She
had flair! She was there!


* That's how she became the nanny!

* Who would have guessed
that the girl we've described


* was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed?


* Now the father finds her beguiling

* Watch out, C.C.!

* And the kids are actually smiling

* Such joie de vivre!

* She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan


* The flashy girl from Flushing

* The nanny named Fran!

Oh, Fran, what are we gonna do?

I'll tell you what we're gonna do.

We're gonna have our own singles party.

We'll charge bucks a head.

With all the losers we
know, we'll make a fortune.

You know, I've got just
the perfect place to do it,

the back room of Benny's Clam Bar.

It's so dark and depressing there.

Val, how old do I look?

I don't know. I can't really tell.

Book it, Val.

Daddy, forget it.

Do you know how hard those
concert tickets were to get?

There's no way I'm missing Nine Inch Nails.

Nine-inch nails? Barbra's on tour again?

No, Miss Fine.

Margaret would prefer to go
to a concert with her friends

than spend the weekend in
Boston with her own family.

Oh, well, who wouldn't...

want to go to Boston?

Dad, I'm years old.

I can stay home and take care of myself.

Niles will be here to make me stuff, right?

Sweetie, the reason why your father

doesn't want you to stay home alone

is because it makes him feel old.

What?

I mean, you know, you're turning
into a responsible young woman,

and that makes him feel
unneeded and useless.

That, the gray patch in his hair,

waking up stiff in the morning...

Don't ask. I've never felt better,

and I'm certainly not
afraid of growing old.

Margaret, the house is
yours for the weekend.

Oh, thank you, Dad. Fran, you're a goddess.

For your information, Miss Fine,

when I awaken in the
mornings, nothing is stiff.

I rest my case.

Oh, wow! Look how many
guys RSVP'd for your party.

- Oh, this one sounds perfect for you.
- Oh?

Oh, no, wait. He says he's
looking for a Catholic girl.

Great. He's Jewish.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Niles, would you keep an eye on my bags?

All right.

Just tell me when to stop.

Now.

Sorry.

So am I.

(GASPS)

Can this day get any better?

Oh, I guess it can.

I'll be spending the entire weekend
alone with Maxwell in Boston.

(IMITATING BUZZER BUZZING) I'm sorry.

But we have some lovely
consolation prizes for you.

I am not sitting next
to Gracie on the plane.

She always vomits.

All right. She can sit
next to Miss Babcock.

Maxwell, you're bringing
the children on the trip?

Yes, C.C. It was very sweet
of you to think of them.

Niles told me it was all your idea.

Don't thank me.

Don't worry. I won't throw up
as long as I don't eat anything.

Well, in case you get peckish,
I packed you a sandwich.

Egg salad.

It'll go lovely with your blazer.

Now remember, I'm trusting
you to behave yourself.

No wild parties.

- All right, Dad. Goodbye.
- Bye.

I'll miss you. I love you.

I love you too.

You know, this is the first...

Oh, this is so cool.

I get the whole house to myself.

Do whatever I want, whenever I want.

Oh, Fran, now I know why you stay single.

Yeah, that's it.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Okay. All right.

Oh, Fran, I got horrible news.

Oh, my hair guy couldn't
take you this morning?

Yes, he did.

Isn't he fabulous?

Fran, you are not gonna believe this.

Benny's Clam Bar burnt down.

(GASPS) How?

A fire!

Oh, my God. Oh, now wait a
minute. Don't panic. Don't panic.

All we have to do is find a place

that's really classy and free tonight

that'll hold guys and seven women.

Oh, oh, oh. No, no, no, no.

Mr. Sheffield said that we
cannot have parties here.

We're never gonna meet anybody.

We're just gonna die alone.

Fran, actually Dad said that I
couldn't have any parties tonight.

* It's Raining Men

* Hallelujah

* It's Raining Men

* Amen

Well, in my spare time

I like to do a little hunting.

Oh, well, maybe next time you go

you could bag me a chocolate mousse.

Mooses aren't chocolate.

Oh, I know.

I was saying, you know, chocolate "mousse".

It's a... have you met my friend Val?

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, I love the way you move.

And I love the way you look.

Those heels are so sexy.

Oh, thank you.

Mind if I try them on?

Have you met my friend Val?

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

You know, you might not believe this,

but this hair, it's all from a can.

Really?

Gee, it looks so natural.

Have you met my friend Val?

Val.

I love your hair.

And you hate to hunt.

What do you think of my shoes?

Well, they look great on you.

Dip me.

Don't wait up.

You know, Fran, you're pretty
sharp to throw a party like this.

Meet great people, you make a few bucks.

Hey, a few bucks, please.

I may quit my career as a super model.

Well, I think it's amazing
that you show a profit,

especially after all those
business licenses you have to buy.

What business? It's a party.

Fran...

Oh, Jeff.

I don't know how to tell you
this, but I'm a police officer.

And you're under arrest.

That was a p*stol?

(EXCLAIMING)

Somebody's gonna have a
hell of a mess to clean up.

Damn, it's me.

Well, thanks for taking me home

and for letting me play with your siren.

My pleasure. Oh, can I have my handcuffs?

Thank you.

Handcuffs, Miss Fine?

He was a cop. I got arrested last night.

Really?

I was a pirate.

I had to walk the plank.

I'm serious. It was horrible.

I spent the night in jail.

Of course, I did meet a lovely
girl named Sparkle Plenty.

She charges bucks to
come to her party, too.

Well, why didn't you call?

Well, I did.

I guess somebody was too
busy shivering his timber.

Oh, my God.

I spend the night over at Whitney's house,

and you guys completely trash the place?

I miss everything.

Oh, help me to clean up
before my father gets home.

I mean, your father.

Oh, thank God he's not
coming back until tomorrow.

Could you imagine the look on his
face if he got a load of this...

(SCREAMING) Oh, oh, oh. We've been robbed.

Can you imagine what kind of an animal

would do something like this...

Save it, Miss Fine.

Grace got sick, so we
took an earlier flight.

Niles, could you do something
with Miss Babcock's blazer?

Certainly, sir.

I specifically said no parties.

Mr. Sheffield, let me explain.

I am very disappointed in you, Margaret.

- Margaret?
- Margaret?

Oh, no, Mr. Sheffield. This was my party.

Oh, nice try, Miss Fine.

But even the woman who put a bumper sticker

on my limo reading "Honk if you're a hunk"

wouldn't be stupid enough

to throw a party in my absence.

Hey, hey, don't make a
rush to judgment here.

You're dealing with one dumb gal.

Your devotion to the children
is touching, Miss Fine,

but don't be ridiculous.

If I thought for one moment you
were responsible for all this,

I'd have to fire you.

Fire me?

Fran, stop trying to cover for me.

Dad, I had the party when
Fran went out last night.

She had nothing to do with this.

- Maggie.
- Fran.

I did it.

No, I did this.


Oh, and I suppose you're the one

that spilled the bottle of cream rinse

on the Persian rug?

No.

Oh, it must have been Niles.

Well, I certainly hope it
was worth it, young lady.

You're grounded indefinitely.

Dad, the Nine Inch
Nails concert is tonight.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield, wait.

End of discussion, Miss Fine.

Maggie, are you out of your mind?

Fran, I didn't want you to get fired.

I care more about you
than I do any concert.

Oh, I love you.

And I kind of forgot it was tonight.

Oh, Niles, can you believe what a mensch

that kid turned out to be?

Hmm?

Oh, I'm not gonna let her

miss that concert to save my butt.

I don't care if he does fire me.

(CAR HORN HONKING)

Oh, meanwhile, that bumper sticker

wasn't the stupidest thing I ever did.

Miss Fine, what on earth possessed you?

I specifically said no parties.

Well, technically, you
told Maggie no parties.

Don't you start with the semantics.

Oh, so now you're gonna fire
me because you're anti-semantic?

- Miss Fine.
- Oh, all right.

But before you do anything rash,

just remember I'm a fabulous nanny

and a wonderful influence on the children.

Oh, I gotta go.

If a hooker named Sparkles
calls, tell her that I'm in court.

Do you think this is cute
enough for an arraignment? No?

Niles, I'm beginning to think that hiring

a door-to-door cosmetics salesgirl

as a nanny was not my finest hour.

Although your skin has
never looked more supple.

Niles, this is the woman
who's raising my children.

Yes, and look what she's done to them.

Miss Grace's therapist

is no longer on the speed dial.

Master Brighton has given up
those insipid little blazers

with the nautical emblems and the gold...

which look so good on you, sir.

Niles, Margaret is at a very
impressionable age right now,

and Miss Fine's behavior is
hardly character-building.

That was certainly proven today.

What -year-old
in her right mind

would give up the concert
of her life to save a friend?

Niles, if I show Miss Fine leniency now,

I'll have someone working for me

who has absolutely no
respect for my authority

and never listens to a word I say.

Right?

Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I checked
out after I made my point.

The State v. Fran Fine.

Yes?

Miss Fine?

Yes?

Do you have your attorney present?

Oh, my attorney present.

Oh, oh, you know what?

I'm not gonna get him anything.

Let's see how he does first.

Is this a competency hearing?

Meanwhile, what's the
use in having a lawyer

for an uncle if he's a no-show?

Well, is he any good?

Well, he worked for some
pretty good law firms.

I mean, Freeburg, Freeman,
and free for the family.

- He's strictly pro bono.
- Really?

Well, I'm glad he's not representing me

because I'm pro-Cher.

Hold it. Hold it.

Will you hold it?

I... I object. I object.

You object to what?

To those electric doors in the men's room.

That's the elevator.

Use the stairs.

Can we get on with this, please?

Yes, Your Honor. My client
has been unjustly accused,

and I say that...

Which one is my client?

Oh, it's me. It's me, Uncle Manny.

Fran, Yetta's granddaughter.

Oh, Yetta's granddaughter.

Who's Yetta?

I'm your great-niece. I
spoke to you last night.

I'm Sylvia Fine's daughter.

Oh, yeah.

The one that's not married.

That you remember?

So, Your Honor, what...
what are the charges?

Conducting business in a
residential neighborhood

without a franchise tax license,

a city business license

or a liquor license.

Wow.

You're gonna need a lawyer.

You're a lawyer.

Then you're in luck.

Sweetheart, isn't that skirt a little snug?

Well, maybe just a little.

You hear that, Your Honor?

The skirt is snug.

So if it doesn't fit, you must acquit.

That's my defense? Oh, I'm going to jail.

Do I get conjugal visits?

Sure.

All right, put me down for six years.

What... what am I saying?

Uncle Manny, do something.

I'm sorry, Your Honor, I
think the defense is resting.

Miss Fine, would you just like to plead?

Yes, I would.

Oh, please, please, don't send me to jail.

Your... Your Honor, permission
to approach the bench?

Come on down.

Mr. Sheffield, what are you doing here?

Your Honor, this... this woman works for me.

The... the party was held in my home.

And, well, I have never known
her to knowingly break the law,

well, except for
free pay-per-view,

but then everyone schmears the cable man.

Right?

Why don't you just go sit down
with the rest of the dream team?

Mr. Sheffield,

the party was in your house?

Then you are responsible for the party.

I am fining you $ .

And you are free to go.

And thank God, so am I.

Thank you, thank you.

I can tell you one thing,
I'm not paying that fine.

Oh, you're gonna fight
the system. What a turn-on.

Nope. You're paying it.

What a turnoff.

It's coming out of your salary.

Oh, my salary.

So does that mean you're not gonna fire me?

No. But since you acted like a
bloody teenager, you're grounded.

Grounded?

You know, I'm a grown woman.

Why don't you just put me
over your knee and spank me?

Oh, what do you know, we
made it back to turn-on.

FRAN: Don't move, I'm
coming back with a surprise.


Sweetheart, you look
fabulous in that dress.

Oh, thank you.

Can I try it on?
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