01x12 - The Note

[bunniefuu]

Okay, no reason to flip out.

So we received
a mysterious note that says,

"I know your secret."
So what?

That doesn't necessarily mean
they know...

that I babysit aliens.

That's true.

They could know
one of your other secrets.

Like that my middle toe
is longer than my big toe.

Or that you once
dropped your phone

into that dirty
restaurant toilet

- and you had to reach...
- Ah ah ah!

We agreed we'd never
mention that again.

(scoffs)

You know what, I'm not worried.

This note maker
don't know nothin'.

Yeah.

You hear that,
anonymous note maker?

You ain't got nothin'
on Gabby D and Wescon Five!

We run this town!

W-w-wait. Hold up.

What does it say?

"I know your secret...

about the aliens."

Can I be honest?

You wish this was about

the dirty restaurant
toilet phone?

I wish this was about

the dirty restaurant
toilet phone.

(theme song playing)

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ I do normal like a fish
rides a bicycle ♪

♪ Fit in like summer
and an icicle ♪

♪ Don't fight it,
just be an original ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I roller skate
outside the lines ♪

♪ When I try to stay in,
it's no surprise ♪

♪ It's a fail, it's okay,
I'm one of a kind ♪

♪ One of a, one of a kind ♪

♪ So anytime I feel
some type of way ♪

♪ Don't understand
the human race ♪

♪ So what, so what, so what ♪

♪ I do my thing,
I do my thing ♪

♪ You do your thing,
You do your thing ♪

♪ When we don't fit in ♪

♪ We stand out in the crowd
and we shout it loud ♪

♪ I do my thing,
I do my thing ♪

♪ I'm the one and only,
I'm the one and only ♪

♪ Don't try to fit in,
Don't try to fit in ♪

♪ Mm-hmm, I do my thing ♪

I can't believe it.

First, your parents find
your journal and now this?

It'd be nice to have one day
without having to worry

about the world
finding out that I...

bake bananas.

Bake bananas?

What are you talking about?

It's code for,

you know.

Babysitting aliens.

Oh!

I get it.

Well, let's maybe find
a new code word.

Because what kind of psychopath

just bakes bananas?

I just don't get it.

Who could it be from?

I mean, a banana bread

or something I could see.

Enough with the bananas!

Jeremy!

He's always
pulling pranks, right?

I bet this is him
just messing with us.

Messing with you guys?

Don't you think I have
better things to do

than write you some stupid note?

Uh...

like what?

Like finishing
this portrait of me

enjoying a big ol' plate
of nachos.

That brush work.

Okay, that is

way better than I expected.

But if you didn't
write the note,

then who did?

I don't know.

Maybe one of the other aliens

you babysit is messing with you?

I bet a lot of them
don't like you.

You know,
'cause of the weird smell.

I told you, that's just soap.

And you're wrong,

because anyone who's ever been

in the same room
with me loves me.

Still though,

I guess it's worth checking out.

And you have to promise

not to tell Swift
about any of this.

He just found out
Wesley knows about aliens.

If he finds out about this,
he's gonna freak.

But I'm no good
at keeping secrets!

The stress makes
the hair follicles

on my face go crazy.

I literally grow a mustache!

Okay, I'm still learning
about all this alien stuff,

but that doesn't seem like
a real thing to me.

Come on, Wes, let's go check

on the other aliens.

It's not Fish Boy Stuart!

Not warrior girl Kali!

Ow.

Even though
you don't speak English,

can't be seen in public,

and were born
in an alternate dimension.

- Did you send this note?
- (grunts)

(gasps)

I'm gonna guess that's a no.

Wes, don't eat that.

Jeremy's portrait: You'll
never keep the secret, Jeremy.

Yes, I will.

Jeremy's portrait:
No, you won't.

You're going to tell Swift
the whole thing.

Shut it, portrait!

I am the master of my mouth

and the things that it says!

Nothing weird's happening!

Jeremy, a word.

I feel terrible

about how I lied to you
and Gabby about leaving Earth.

And I feel even worse

thinking about how hurt
you would have been

when some arbitrary Gor-Mon

replaced me as your caretaker.

I would have been fine.

No, nonsense.

To make it up to you,

I propose we spend
the rest of the day

strengthening our
uncle-nephew bond.

And I'd like to begin,
uh, by sharing

some of my most
coveted secrets with you.

You know...

I actually feel
pretty bonded already.

How about we just shut up
for ten hours?

(inhales deeply)

Secret one of .

I was nine years old

when I saw my mother's blob form

emerge from
the humidity chamber...

Okay, it's not any
of the aliens I babysit.

Wes, I'm starting
to get worried.

What if someone really does
know that aliens live here,

and it's all my fault?

What if I really screwed
this thing up?

Gabby. Relax.

There's no need to panic.

Even if someone
out there does know,

they don't have any evidence.

- Yeah.
- (cell phone beeps)

What's up?

It's a video message
from a blocked number.

(gasps)

(cell phone beeps)

Gabby: "You have until p.m.
to quit your babysitting job

"or this video goes public

and the world will know
your secret."

Is it time to panic yet?

Oh, yeah.
Definitely panic-time.

These are our suspects...

Each person here has a reason,

A.K.A. motive,
to ruin my life.

What's with the hats?

Gabby: The hats show
how much they don't like me.

The more hats, the more dislike.

Obviously.

Who's that?

Ms. Choi,

the Librarian.

Six years ago, I forgot
to return Hopi:

A Story of Desert Gardeners
to the library,

and she's had it out
for me ever since.

She's a suspect, Gabby.

Probably our top one.

Oh-kay!

Olivia: Hey, Gabby.

(door opens)

- Can you help me with...
- Sorry, Liv!

Big girl stuff.

Olivia:
You are a rude person!

(cell phone beeps)

Okay, so we have a little
under eight hours

before they go public.

We have to catch
whoever did this before then.

What happens if we
don't catch them?

(men shouting indistinctly)

How could you, Gabby?

This is all your fault, Gabby!

I was wrong to choose you
as our babysitter.

You've put all your
alien friends in danger!

You are so not baller!

That's not an option.

Come on, Wes.

We've got some
investigating to do.

Get your fries!

Every cup sold

helps a displaced
potato farmer in Quebec!

♪♪

Oh!

A-ha!

Got you, Jace!

Oh! I am cramping.

I'm cramping real bad!

- Oh!
- It was you, wasn't it?

It was! It was me!

- I did it!
- I knew it!

Boom. Case closed.

(squeaky voice):
Good job, Gabby!

Ah! It feels like
someone just took

an ice pick straight to my quad!

You really thought
you could stop me

from babysitting, didn't you?

Babysitting?

How would what I did
stop you from babysitting?

Because you...

Wait...

why do you think
we chased you down?

The silent but deadly
in algebra?

I squeaked one out
and blamed it on you.

It was a truly sick burn.

Oh, brother.

Come on.
This lead's a bust,

and we're running out of time.

Yes, right behind you.

Oh, oh.

I could've saved him,
but I didn't.

Sometimes when I close my eyes,
I can still see his face...

pleading with me.

"Not like this.

Not like this!"

(gasps, sighs)

Well, that's all of my secrets!

Oh!

Isn't bonding wonderful?

Care to share any secrets
of your own?

Nah. I'm good.

Are you sure?

I must say,
it really is quite cathartic.

There must be something
you'd like to share with me.

Nope. Nothing.

Jeremy, do you have...

Is there something on your face?

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

I really feel like
there's something

you want to tell me.

Nope.

Oh, I see what this is about.

You're still upset
with me, aren't you?

I was a fool to think
revealing my own secrets

would be enough.

Clearly what we need
is more bonding.

Hmm?

I hope you're ready to do
a lot of trust falls.

I trust you!

(thud)

I know it was you
who sent the note!

Uh, Gabby,

you're pointing super close
to Susie's face.

You wanna back off a little bit?

I'll point as close
as I wanna point!

Okay, this is weird,

but I guess I should've
seen that coming

when you asked me to meet you
in the school boiler room.

Obviously, something is going
very wrong in your life,

which I can't say
I'm too sad about,

considering how you ruined my
perfect babysitting reputation.

But, no, I definitely did not
send you any notes.

And If I had,

it would've been on my

personalized stationery.

(sniffs)
Is that... vanilla?

Is that... vanilla?

It's Tahitian Mint.

Do you even smell?

A good day to you.

So...

I guess it wasn't Susie.

Ugh, I know!

We've spent all day
eliminating suspects

and we've got nothing.

(cell phone beeps)

And now there's only a few hours

until everyone knows
about aliens,

and Swift and Jeremy
are carted off

by government officials
in hazmat suits!

What are we gonna do?

(cell phone rings)

Ugh. Why is my mom calling?

Hey, Mom, what's up?

What?

"Gabby is a liar.
Ask her about her babysitting?"

Seriously?

Now they're messing
with my family?

What are you
talking about? Who?

Uh...

Is there something
you need to tell me?

No, Mom.
Everything is fine.

You're hiding something from me.

I can tell by that nervous

sweat mustache
on your upper lip.

Yep.

I'm not hiding anything!

I just have important things
I need to take care of,

and you're keeping me here
for no reason at all.

So, I need to go!

I'm going!

You do not talk to me like that.

I don't know
what's gotten into you,

but I think you need
to go up to your room

and do not come down
until you're ready

to be honest with me.

- Mom!
- Now.

And do not even think
about sneaking out

'cause I'll be checking on you
every minutes!

(door slams shut)

(sighs heavily)

(beeping)

(cell phone beeps)

"Tick Tock, Gabby."

What're you looking at,
mannequin-librarian?

You think you're better than me?

Well, you're not!

Fine.
Maybe you are.

I can't even figure out who sent

a stupid piece of paper.

(beeping)

(sighs)

(cell phone ringing)

Hey, Wes, what's up?

Gabby, you're not gonna
believe this.

I got a lead.

What? What is it?

Okay, so, I have this

amateur fingerprinting kit

and I thought
I'd give it a sh*t,

and I was able to pull
two fingerprints off the note!

- No way. That's awesome!
- Yeah, so.

I bribed my uncle
who's a cop with donuts...

It's not just
a stereotype, Gabby!

- Cops really do love donuts!
- And?

One of the prints
couldn't be identified,

but the other one belonged
to none other than...

Ms. Choi the librarian!

I told you she had it
out for me!

Man, it feels good to be right!

Or... whoever sent the note
used paper from the library.

We can find another clue there.

But we don't have much time.
I'll meet you there.

Yeah.

Now to figure out how
to sneak out of this room...

Yello?

Hey, what are you doing?

Swift and I have been bonding.

It's awful.

He got us matching outfits.

Can you come over
and help me with something?

Like, right now?

I'll be right over.

(doorbell rings)

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

(buzzing)

Whoa.
What happened to you?

This is what keeping
your secret looks like.

- (grunts) Here. Eat this.
- Why?

No time to explain!

Eat my hair!

Man, we look dope.

I feel dope!

No. Never do that again.

(grunts) All right.

Now stay here and cover for me
until I get back.

Sounds good.

I'll just be here rummaging

through your personal items.

Do whatever you want.

Just don't let my mom know
that I'm not you...

or that you're not me.

Or... you get it.

Dina: Gabby?
What's going on up there?

Uh, my butt?

- Ah!
- Hello, Wesley.

Are you here to return

Hopi: A Story
of Desert Gardeners?

No, Ms. Choi,
I already told you I lost it.

I'm here to ask you
why you sent us this?

I have no idea what that is.

But I do recognize
those letters.

You do? From where?

Someone has been cutting them

out of the free magazines
in the study area.

Thanks, Ms. Choi!

You will return my book, Wesley!

No paperback left behind!

Look.

Gabby:
"Time is almost up."

The glue's wet.

They're still in the library!

(cloth flapping)

Over there.

Got ya.

No... way.

Hi, Gabby.

(clears throat)

So wait,

how did you find out that
I was babysitting aliens?

How could I not find out?

(door opens)

Ugh! Why did I take a job
babysitting aliens?

Okay, well, in my defense,

it's really hard to tell
when you're in a room.

But why do you want me to stop?

Because aliens are scary.

And I don't want you
to get hurt, Gabby.

Okay, well,

I get that, I guess.

But you could've just come
and talked to me.

So you could tell me
it's "big girl stuff"

and slam the door
in my face again?

I wanted you to listen.

Yeah. I guess I haven't been
a great sister lately.

(scoffs)

Probably would've
blackmailed me, too.

You know what,
let me make it up to you.

I think you're ready
for some big girl stuff.

I want to show you something.

This is crazy!

Two Gabbys?

It's just like that
recurring dream I have!

And that nightmare.

Whoa!

Hey, I'm Jeremy.

What's your name?

I'm Olivia.

You know, you smell kinda bad,

but...

you're not really that scary.

That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.

It was nice meeting you.

(buzzing)

See, I told you,

nothing to be afraid of.

Dina: Hey, Gabby,

sorry if I was so hard
on you earlier.

Here are those nachos
that you wanted.

What nachos?

Oh!
I mean, thanks.

Mmm!

So, now that
some time has passed,

is there anything
you want to tell me

about that note?

Or who sent it?

- Uh...
- It was me.

I sent the note about
Gabby's babysitting.

Really?

Why would you do that?

Sister stuff.

It's complicated.

You two are very strange.

Well, I'll be downstairs
if you need anything.

Uh... no.

(sneezes)

Gabby: Next time on Gabby
Duran and the Unsittables...

Jeremy's Gor-Monite mucus
flooded my neurons,

accelerating synaptic activity

and making my brain
more efficient.

So... you're a genius?

Gabby Duran, I challenge you
to a math smackdown.

Loser gets a mouthful
of locker hoagie!

But I'm gonna look like
a complete idiot

in front of the whole school.

Speak to me!

(theme music playing)

Man:
Gorgeous!