01x13 - Gabby Duran: Genius

[bunniefuu]

(clock ticking)

(sighs)

Well, Gabby?

Sometime today would be nice.

(chuckles)

Find the surface area...

Area of the surface...
(chuckles)

Area... area rug...

Rug... rug burn...

You know, I'm really more
of a "visual" learner,

so I'm just going to close
my eyes for a moment

and visualize myself
inside the cube.

Susie:
Come on!

She's obviously stalling because
she doesn't know the answer!

Staller!

(ticking)

I'm not a staller,
and I'm not stalling.

If anything, you're stalling.

What are you
so afraid of, Susie?

Why is it that you don't want
me to solve this problem?

What is it about you
that you don't want me...

(bell ringing)

Class dismissed.

Oh, no! Just as I was
about to solve this problem!

What's up with that?

Till next time, hombre.

(theme song playing)

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ I do normal like a fish
rides a bicycle ♪

♪ Fit in like summer
and an icicle ♪

♪ Don't fight it,
just be an original ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I roller skate
outside the lines ♪

♪ When I try to stay in,
it's no surprise ♪

♪ It's a fail, it's okay,
I'm one of a kind ♪

♪ One of a, one of a kind ♪

♪ So anytime I feel
some type of way ♪

♪ Don't understand
the human race ♪

♪ So what, so what, so what ♪

♪ I do my thing,
I do my thing ♪

♪ You do your thing,
You do your thing ♪

♪ When we don't fit in ♪

♪ We stand out in the crowd
and we shout it loud ♪

♪ I do my thing,
I do my thing ♪

♪ I'm the one and only,
I'm the one and only ♪

♪ Don't try to fit in,
Don't try to fit in ♪

♪ Mm-hmm, I do my thing ♪

Hey , Gab, got a sec?

- Not really.
- Great.

Because I just wanted
to say how hard it was

to watch you up
at the board today,

unable to solve
the most basic math problem.

Like a kitten stuck in a bag,

mewing, floundering, helpless.

But not as cute.

Yeah, yeah. You know,
I'm plenty smart,

thank you very much.

Math and I just have a...

"I don't like you,
you don't like me" relationship.

Kinda like what we have.

Uh-huh? Sure.

Well, if you're ever interested,

I do offer tutoring services.

I usually work with
third graders, though, so...

you'll have some
catching up to do.

(scoffs)

Jeremy:
I hate being sick!

This blanket is too scratchy!

What did I do to deserve this?

Here.

It's too scratchy!

Uh... okay,
how about a book?

- "Once upon..."
- I hate your voice!

It's too scratchy!

Ugh. Are you always such
a baby when you're sick?

(raspy cough)

And now I'm losing my teeth!

- (tooth clatters to floor)
- Uh...

No big deal.

Nobody needs all their teeth.

- Why don't you just...
- Ah!

- Try and rest...
- Ah!

- And let me...
- Ah!

(sneezes)

(gagging)

(continues gagging)

We both agree that was
your fault, right?

If that was an apology,
I find it deficient in the extreme

and, frankly,
somewhat supercilious!

You're super-silly!

- (gagging)
- Also, what?

What did I just say?

Your voice is still
too scratchy!

(door opens)

Hola, familia. Tengo
hambre y quiero un bocadillo.

You're hungry, you want a snack,

and you're speaking Spanish!

Yeah, that's weird.

I didn't know I was fluent.

I guess all those years
of yelling at you in Spanish

have finally paid off.

Nice work, Dina.

Ugh! Stupid history essay.

I don't know what
to write about.

Here, let me see.

Maybe write about how
one of the tertiary causes

of the American Revolution
were The Intolerable Acts.

The British used them as a way to punish
the colonists for the Boston Tea Party.

Yeah. That's can
actually work.

Whoa, Gabby, since when have
you become a history buff?

Hmm.

I wish you could help me
on my taxes.

The error is on line -A.
It should have been .

And you can't write off
that many mani-pedis.

That's an audit
waiting to happen.

You're right!

What has gotten into you?

(sneezes)

Snot.

Snot's gotten into me.

I'm a genius.

(fly buzzing)

(grunts)
It's getting worse.

I think...
I smell like death.

- (raspy cough)
- Yes.

Your illness does appear
to be getting quite dire.

Unfortunately, there aren't
any Earth doctors

versed in Gor-Monite
physiology...

but I believe I have a solution.

The dumb... Orb?

(sighs)

Orb: Have we considered
letting him pass?

No one would judge you.

And I could have his room.

So there you have it.

According to my calculations,

Jeremy's Gor-Monite mucus
flooded my neurons,

thereby changing
their chemical make-up,

accelerating synaptic activity,

and making my brain
more efficient!

So... you're a genius?

I think the technical term
is super-genius, but yeah.

Also, I gotta say,
it feels pretty good.

Yeah, I know.

So what now?

Are you going to use
your newfound intelligence

to solve the world's problems?

Hmm? I was thinking of
something a little more fun.

Gabby: "Guess how many
skulls. Win a free taco."

One hundred ninety-eight skulls.

Whoa...
that's exactly right.

(video game sounds)

Come to mama.

♪♪

(bell rings)

(bell rings)

(bell rings)

(bell dinging)

(bell ringing)

I'll take two...
of everything.

But... that's my taco.

(crunch)

Just livin' that genius life.

Get yourself something nice.

(beeping)

Orb: The virus is
progressing rapidly.

It appears to be lethal.

Sweet.

I always wanted to be lethal.

(sighs) That doesn't
mean you're lethal.

It means that you may die.

Is there nothing we can do?

There are two other options.

We are not letting him die
so that you can have his room.

There is one other option.

An infusion of
healthy Gor-Monite cells

may energize his own
immune system.

Brilliant! Uh,
where do we get these healthy cells?

From you.

Farewell, Jeremy.
Good luck in the afterlife.

Arcade prizes!

Ooh, fresh haircut.
Hey, have a toy.

Check it.
Who loves ya?

- There you go.
- Girl: Ooh.

You're welcome.

Ooh. Hey, guys.

You wanna know why
math class was so long?

Because Mr. Pinchman
went off on a tangent!

(all laugh)

Get it? Tangent.

Yep. So funny.

But the grown-ups are doing
math now, so... shh.

The answer is
X equals degrees,

or one-sixth pi radians.

Oh,
Gabby. It's so cute the way you try.

- But I'm pretty sure it's...
- Boy: No, Susie.

She's correct.

You're solving extra credit
math problems in your head now?

I don't know what's gotten
into you, Gabby Duran.

But something's up.

Oh, poor salty Susie.

You're like an obtuse angle...

never right.

(all laughing)

Gabby Duran,
I challenge you to a Math Smack-down!

A what?

A Math Smack-down.

You know, you and me face-off
in a math-based competition.

It's a thing.

Yeah, I'm not so sure
that it is.

She won't do it.
She's cheating or something.

We all know
Gabby's not that smart.

Okay, fine.

You want to have
a Math Smack-down,

let's have a Math Smack-down.

But let's make it interesting.

Loser has to eat
Howard's locker hoagie.

(gasps)

- (fly buzzing)
- Boy: That's nasty.

But I'm saving it
for a special occasion!

Fine. You're on.

Tonight.

I hope everyone's ready to watch
Gabby eat disgusting locker hoagie!

You're eating the hoagie!

- You are.
- You are!

- You are!
- You are!

You are!

Hmm.

I guess we both knew
this day would come.

(Swift sighs)

Ooh...

(sighs)

Ugh...

On the one hand,

Jeremy is my beloved nephew,

and I am specifically sworn
to look after his well-being.

I definitely do not
want him to die.

On the other hand,
that is a very large needle.

Oh, come on!

(sighs) Fine, fine.
We'll do the needle.

Sigh. So long, room.

(Swift yells)
Oh, my!

Yeah. (Chuckles)
That's really in the bone.

I don't know why
I agreed to this.

Why did I agree to this?

Ohh! Ooh!

Well, that was horrible,
but it's over now.

All right then, Jeremy.
Your turn.

Jeremy.

(Jeremy grunts)

I'm cured.

It's a miracle.

No needles for me.

Hooray!

(mimicking Susie): "We all
know Gabby's not that smart..."

Well, let's just see
how much you have to say

when your mouth's full
of locker hoagie, Susie.

(sighs)

What?
(groans)

Something wrong?

This thing makes no sense to me.

That makes two of us.

What is happening?

Give me a math problem!
Any problem!

Uh... okay...
what's times ?

It's like you're speaking
a different language!

Why can't I count the skulls?

Speak to me!
Speak to me!

(clatter)

It's gone.

My genius is gone.

(sobs)

Okay...

I understand that you're going
through something right now,

but you know you've gotta
clean this up, right?

(groans)

Jeremy, we know you're scared.

But you need this injection.

No way.

Stay back or I'll...
I'll use this!

Uh, that is literally
just a stapler.

This seems like a lot of work.

I say we call it off
and I get his room.

Jeremy, I need your phlegm!

- What?
- Your phlegm!

Your snot!
Your nose jelly!

- Hit me!
- Now!

(screams)

There, it's done.

I'll return to my cubby now.

That's right.
I live here.

But sure, let's save
the ungrateful snot factory.

My teeth are back!

Baller!

And we're all
super happy about that!

Now give me some snot.

Sneeze in my face.

No can do, Gabby.
I'm all better now.

No, no, no, no, no.
I need that mucus!

Does anyone mind filling me in
on what's going on here?

I need Jeremy's snot
so I can b*at Susie

in a Math Smack-down
and not have to eat

Howard's gross locker hoagie.

Well, I thought he was saving
that for a special occasion.

It just felt so good
to be super smart for once.

Preach.

And now I have a Math
Smack-down in a few hours

and I'm gonna look like
a complete idiot

in front of the whole school.

I can train you if you want.

- Really?
- But I warn you,

once we start,
there's no going back.

- Are you ready?
- Yes. I'll do anything.

So, what are you thinking?

A fun math game?

Or like a cool rap

that helps me divide fractions?

Or are you gonna show me all
the places in my everyday life

where I already use math,

and then I'll realize I knew
how to do it all along?

Nope. It's just studying.

Aww.

I thought this was gonna be fun.

There's no other way.

You just have to sit down
and do the work.

But math is the worst!
And I hate studying it!

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you didn't want
to eat locker hoagie.

(sighs)

Wrong.

Wrong.

Picture of a flower.

Wrong.

Do them again.

But my brain hurts.

Good. That means
it's working.

(snoring)

- (blaring)
- Uh...

It's time for the Math
Smack-down. Are you ready?

As ready as two hours of
cramming and a cat nap can get you.

(bell dings)

Wow.

I stand corrected.

Math Smack-down
is totally a thing.

These are my people.

Mr. Pinchman?

What are you doing here?

It's a Math Smack-down, Gabby.

Plus, I really want to see someone
eat Howard's locker hoagie.

I'm cool with it.

It's time.

Welcome, number-heads!

Who's ready to Math Smack-down?

(all cheering, applauding)

Tonight we have
the challenger, Gabby Duran...

versus our reigning champion,
Susie "The Doozie" Glover!

(all cheering, applauding)

(booing)

Yep, that's a little much.

Cell phones in the basket.

No pictures, no posting,
no cheating.

All right, you both know
the rules.

Actually, I hadn't heard of
a Math Smack-down until, like,

six hours ago, so maybe
run through them quick?

I give you both a math question.

First one to answer correctly
gets a point.

Whoever has the most points
after ten questions wins.

Oh, and... I've never
been beaten.

- Audience: Ooh!
- I've never even missed a single question.

Perfect ten to zero, every time.

And most importantly,

loser gets a mouthful
of locker hoagie!

(cheering, applauding)

You're eating that sandwich.

Oof. Smells like
you already did.

Let's do this!

First question...

What is the volume of a
six-centimeter diameter sphere?

♪♪

Ninety-seven
centimeters squared.

- You're right!
- (all cheering)

(indistinct)

(indistinct)

(indistinct)

(indistinct)

(indistinct)

(cheering)

Okay, we're down
to the final question.

The score so far:

Susie... nine.

(cheering)

Gabby... zero.

Told you, Gabby.
Perfect score.

I think she's had enough.

Mercy rule?

No way.
I'm finishing this.

Then let's do this!

(cheering)

Your final
question category is...

surface area!

Surface area!

Good luck.

You're not going to be able to
stall your way out of this one.

Staller!

Calculate the surface area
of a centimeter

by centimeter by
centimeter rectangular prism.

- And...
- Come on, Gabby, you can do this.

Begin!

♪♪

I've got it!
square centimeters!

Correct!

Boom, baby!

(all cheering, applauding)

But...
but my perfect record!

How did you...

Simple, really.
I studied.

And now I'm slightly better
at math than I was before.

You did it, Gabby!

I guess studying
really does work!

No! No!
She didn't "do it."

Hello? I still won!

- Nine to one!
- Gabby: Maybe.

But that's one more right than
anyone has ever gotten against you.

And that feels like a win to me.

Come on.

(audience chattering)

What?

Don't you shake your head at me!

I still won!

Don't leave.

I'm still "The Doozie."

Please... I've lost
so many teeth.

Should we save him?

He did save me when I was
in this exact same situation.

Or we can let nature
take its course.

He does have the best room
in the house.

Yes, he does.

This blanket is too scratchy!

He's such a baby when he's sick.

This is going to be epic.

I bet she's gonna barf.
I bet...

- (gasps)
- Gabby: Not bad.

Could use a little mustard.

Olivia: Next time

on Gabby Duran
and the Unsittables...

Gabby: Our first school
dance is in two days.

It's supposed to be the most
fun night of our lives.

Now I'm gonna be a third
wheel to Wes and Rhonda.

She's weird when
it's just me and her.

Please don't back out on me.

The name's Joey Panther.

Will you...

go to the dance with me?

(theme music playing)

Man:
Gorgeous!