02x01 - Titans' Rift

[bunniefuu]

Okay. New expansion.

First job for the new partners.

Clean slate. Fresh start.

Goodbye Raven's Banquet.
Hello... something else.

- Okay, I was think-- Oh.
- I think-- Oh.

- We both have ideas.
- [chuckles] Yeah.

That's good. Co-creative directors.

- Yes, equals now.
- Why don't you go first?

- Really? Okay.
- Yeah.

Uh, so I was thinking that
the new expansion could be set at sea.

Hmm. I was thinking land.

Oh.

Well, we're not gonna figure this out
today, so I'm gonna take off.

Wha-- Wait, you're leaving?

Yeah, you know what? I might actually
go out to the desert for a little bit.

You know, sorta clear my mind,
reconnect with my physical form.

I don't know anyone
that is more connected

with their physical form than you.

- Thank you.
- That wasn't a compliment.

All right. I'll see you next week.

Next wee-- No, you can't leave
for a week. We only just started.

Don't worry. I'll just tell David
to shut down the office while I'm gone.

No. You don't need to
shut the office down. I'm here.

I'm gonna noodle on the new expansion.
I don't need you.

Okay. You don't need me. Fine.

- A little bit of advice though, Pop.
- Uh- Huh.

You're not gonna get this done today.
I mean, just relax a little bit.

Go out, get drunk.

Maybe get laid.

It could clear your head.

See ya.

[door opens, closes]

[chuckles] Get laid.

[pop music]
[heavy breathing]

[Poppy moans]

[sighs] Mm. That was nice.

How was it for you?
[man exhales]

I gotta say, Pop.

It was pretty terrible.

[screams]

[gasps, screams]

[exhales, whimpers]

[screams]

[through TV: fighting noises]
[buttons clicking]

[both chuckle]

[clicks tongue] So...

Everlight was pretty great, huh?

Yeah.

Hey, so, um...

I was thinking.

- Maybe we should--
- [Poppy] What up, ladies?

You busy?

- Yeah, actually, we were right--
- Cool, I was thinking we could hang.

Like, have a little girl chat.

Put the controllers down.

[sighs]

Yay! So I was thinking we could talk
about, like, what's on our minds,

what's going on in the world.

Oh. Uh, well, to be honest,
I've actually been feeling--

I was thinking I talk and you listen.

Not that I don't care about the thing
that you were gonna say, but...

I don't.

It's just...
I need to get something off my chest,

and I can talk to you guys,
because no one pays attention to you.

Also, if you said anything,
you would be fired.

What?

Does your girl talk
always involve veiled threats?

Sorry. Was that veiled?
I meant for that to be clear.

If you say anything about this,
you will be fired.

Anyway, I've been having this...

work-related... dream.

Well, no, it's more of a nightmare.
It's kind of been messing with my head.

You had a sex dream about Ian,
didn't you?

What? No!
[laughing]

No! No, no. No. Shut up! No.

- What if I did, though?
- It's not a big deal.

I've had the same dream.

What? No!

I mean, you have?

Yeah. It's pretty common
to have dreams about your boss.

It's not sexual.
It's really about power.

Hmm, but Ian's not my boss anymore.
We're equals.

Mmm, not according to your subconscious.

See, the dream is just a representation
of our need for his approval.

Oh, right.

So that's why afterwards
he says it was bad.

He didn't tell me it was bad.
He liked it in my dream.

- [chuckles] I thought it wasn't sexual.
- It isn't.

Then why do you care if he likes it?
[chuckles]

I was just saying that
I was better at it than Poppy.

I can hear you. And, no, you weren't.

I am super good at sex, okay?
I'm, like, so good at sex.

Okay.

Whatever.
Just tell me how to make it stop.

Well, if it's really about power,

then maybe you need
to assert your authority in real life.

And then maybe your subconscious
will catch up.

[Poppy] Yeah.

No, I like that. Assert my authority.
That's what I'm gonna do.

That's what I'm gonna do.
Girl chat over.

[sighs] That was weird, huh?

Yeah. [pats legs, inhales]

Super weird.

[clears throat]

- Oh, did you wanna talk?
- Nope.

Uh, no. I'm-- I'm-- I'm good.

[door closes]
Hi, Carol. I need to talk to you.

No. It's a new dawn, remember?

- Please, it's not what you think.
- This isn't about Dana?

Okay, I guess it is what you think.
But my issue is...

Uh, shh.

Okay, um, so...

[whispering] I thought that Dana and I
were so close to the next step.

Now it turns out
she might not even be gay.

Which is fine. She doesn't have to be gay.

She could be bi or "Q," I guess.

To be honest, I never figured out
if "Q" meant q*eer or questioning.

I mean, she's definitely cis.
Not that that matters.

Unless she's not cis. Oh, my God, Carol.
What if she's not cis,

and I've just been assuming
this whole time she's cis?

Okay. Dear God, you are spinning.

You're right. I'm sorry.

I just-- I don't wanna say
the wrong thing and offend her.

This stuff
is really important to talk about.

I do talk about it...

in the seminars I hold
on workplace discrimination

that no one attends.

Including you.

Yeah, I had a thing that day.

Right. Let's jump into it one-on-one

because you're entitled to everything
you want whenever you want it.

Wha-- [chuckles]

I'm kinda sensing
some microaggression, Carol.

[scoffs] You're sensing macroaggression.

Look, the problem is you're talking
to me when you should be talking to her.

You're so busy not wanting to offend her
that you're not telling her the truth.

Oh, my God, you're right.
I just need to be direct.

I need to go on the forums and educate
myself on the whole "Q" thing and then

she and I can talk it out.

Thank you, Carol.
I feel really seen and heard.

That's the problem, 'cause
I don't wanna see you or hear you.

[footsteps]

Well, guess who Ian just screwed.

[pop music]
Hey.

[shudders] No!

I mean... who?

Me.

I just found this stuck
to my office window when I got to work.

"Tempe"?

Yeah. Tempe, Arizona. It's where
Ian does his little annual sabbatical.

[scoffs] Please, it's not a sabbatical.

It's a sleepaway camp for -year-old
men who wanna learn how to do MMA.

- It's pathetic.
- It's so pathetic.

- Did you know about this?
- Sort of.

He asked me to take care of his rings,

because they're priceless,
and he got them in the Amazon.

Oh, my Go--
What is his deal with those rings?

I think he thinks
that it makes him look younger.

You know he cut his beard
because it was getting too gray?

- Do you know he takes hair pills?
- But he calls them...

Vitamins. [laughs]

What doctor prescribes vitamins?
It's pathetic.

So pathetic.
[sighs]

Well, I-- [sighs]
What am I gonna do now?

Ian and I
were supposed to talk to Montreal

and update them about the new expansion.
He just up and left.

Well, you know Ian. He does what he wants.
He's the boss.

Not mine though.
We're, uh-- We're equals now.

Yeah. To be clear, I'm the boss.

He works for me, and so do you.

But you're right.
You're not under Ian anymore.

[pop music]
Yo.

Uh, what?

In your new position.
It's your time to be on top.

[pop music continues]
[grunts]

You know, stretch your legs,
grind it out like a boss.

Yes, you can help me.

And if Ian doesn't like it, f*ck him.

I won't! I wo-- I don-- don't--

You know-- What do you need, David?
I'm very busy.

Oh, uh, just the title
for the new expansion.

Right. We don't have one.

Ian and I have
fundamentally different ideas

of what the new expansion should be.

See, I wanna--

Poppy! Don't care.
Yeah, I just need a title.

If we don't come up with a good one,
Montreal's gonna stick us with a bad one.

So I need a good one, and I need it now.

Okay, yeah.
I can do that. I-- I don't need Ian.

I mean... [chuckles] I have
the authority, and I will assert--

- Title?
- Right. Yes, no, okay.

So the title of the new expansion...

- [inhales] The title will be...
- Yeah?

Mythic Quest...

Sea of Ashes.

Great. All right, uh, I'll have
the art team mock something up.

Oh, and I just gotta figure out a way
to hold off Montreal till tomorrow.

Can't you just sic Jo on them?

Oh. Uh, yeah.

Unfortunately, uh, Jo and I parted ways.

Oh. She finally left you, huh?

What? No, no, no, she didn't leave me.
No. No, uh, it was mutual.

Uh, she just left to explore
other opportunities in the company.

Jo, I'm glad you left David for me.
That was a dead-end relationship.

- He's such a p*ssy.
- That goes without saying.

You probably shouldn't say it,

not because it's inappropriate,
but because it's obvious.

I have so much to learn.

That's good,
'cause I have so much to teach.

Lesson one, no notes.
Never leave a paper trail.

[rattles]

Now--

Eventually you'll learn enough to grow
from my protégée

- Into my sworn enemy.
- Hmm.

If I have trained you properly,
you will try to devour me.

But if I devour you during
your attempts to devour me,

that'll only make me stronger.

I'm already thinking
about ways to devour you.

I know you are. That's why I like you.

[inhales sharply, sighs]

[Ian] Hey, Pop.
[shouts]

That may actually have been worse.

[pop music plays]

Agreed. Totally uninspired.

[screams]

[screams] g*dd*mn it.

[sighs]

I mean, the tension was thick.
[gasping]

You could hear a pin drop.

And then Poppy turns to me,
and she looks me right in the eye,

and she says to me--

Poppy says-- She says...

"Whatever you need, David."

Wow. Wow!

- She said that? She called you "David"?
- Yeah. Well, uh...

Yeah. I mean, that-- that's my name.

Anyway, so-- [inhales] So I say,

"Look, I need that title now, Pops.
No ifs, ands or buts."

And thus was born Sea of Ashes.

[gasps]

Like the dust of Christ.

Yeah-- No. No.
There's no religious connotations.

Are you sure?
There's a cross right there.

That's a sword.
That's always been there.

Okay. Well, either way,
you know, good for you,

because it takes a lot of gumption
to talk that way to your boss.

Yeah. Well...

No, I'm-- I'm Poppy's boss.

[gasps]
When did that happen? Congratulations.

- Always been.
- Oh.

I guess I forget sometimes
just 'cause you have such kind eyes.

Oh, well. Thank you. You know, I--
[chuckles]

I gotta say, Sue, you get a, uh--

Well, you get a very different David
Brittlesbee than they get upstairs.

Let's just say that.
I mean, the David they know, he's--

Well, he's firm, but he's fair.
He's an authoritarian.

David, there you are!
I need to talk to you. Got a sec?

Well, uh, sure, yeah. Always got, uh,
time to talk to my subordinates.

Uh, actually, I was just, uh, showing
Sue here the artwork to Sea of Ashes.

- Trash it. It's not the title.
- Yeah, I thought they did grea--

Sorry, wait, what?

Nah, it doesn't work.
It's totally... uninspired.

No. You came up with it. It works.

It doesn't! It doesn't! If it did,
it would. But it-- it didn't.

I just need more time
to assert my dominance.

I don't know what is going on with you
and that,

um, but I don't have any more time,
Poppy.

- Okay? I have to tell Montreal the title.
- Just tell them that it's TBD.

- Oh, TBD. I like that.
- That's not a title!

Look, you know what? No.

Sea of Ashes is the title,
and that is final.

It's not. It's not good enough.

Then come up with one
that's good enough. Now!

Oh, I will.

[no audible dialogue]

What are you doing?

Don't tell me what to do!
You're not the boss of me!

I am the boss of you!
I am all of your bosses!

Why does no one understand that?

It's the eyes, David.

Come on, do this, big boy.
Yeah! Come on. [sighs]

[elevator bell dings]

Poppy.

Poppy!

g*dd*mn it.

Hey.
[chuckles]

- Hey.
- Hey.

Uh...

How have you been?

Awesome. Yeah, super awesome.

- Great.
- Good.

Yeah, same for me.
I'm with Brad now.

Yeah. [scoffs] Yeah, I know. Yeah.

- Hey, what's up, man?
- Hey, man.

- For the record, she came to me.
- No, man. It's, uh, all good.

- All good.
- Yeah, it's all good.

Don't worry, David.
I'm sure you'll find someone soon.

Yeah, I'm not--
I'm not even looking, really.

Yeah, I've just been, uh, super busy.
Cycling a lot, obviously.

Um, and, uh, nose to the grindstone.

Working on the new expansion. Oh!

Boom. We just came up with this.
What do you think?

- Yeah, that's, um...
- Yeah.

- [Brad] Mm- Hmm. Mm- Hmm.
- It's...

- It's fun!
- Mmm. Good.

Oh, so, you don't like it.

I mean, you could do better.

- Could he?
- I don't...

It's not the final title.

I mean, there's still wiggle room.

We're working it out. It's a process.

- Yeah. Right.
- Hmm. That's good.

Yeah. Cool.

p*ssy.

- Jo.
- Sorry.

Hey.

- That is not a way to talk to your boss.
- It's not.

- Also, he knows already.
- Right. Right.

[scoffs] Okay.
I get what's going on. No, it's cool.

You guys are in the honeymoon phase.

I'm the bad guy. I'm the joke.
I'm the-- I'm the wimp. I'm the "P."

- Yeah. Just--
- Yeah.

I'm not a "P," okay?

I am a boss, all right?

Just to be clear, I'm your boss.
And yours.

- Mm.
- Okay?

I don't need you guys.
I don't need either of you.

Or Poppy. Or Ian, for that matter.

I'm gonna come up with my own title,

very cool title, all by myself,
even if I have to stay up all night.

Gonna handle my business like a boss,
in the boss's office.

Or Ian's office, obviously.

I'm his boss, so... Back to work!

And get me a coffee, please. Decaf.
Uh, non-dairy milk.

[sighs] Please.

[scoffs] Whatever.

What did you ever see in him?

I was young.

Hey, Carol.

Jesus.

You two are like little pixie sn*pers.

- What?
- Nothing.

Let me guess.

- You wanna talk about Rachel.
- Rachel.

She's been avoiding me for a few days.

And then, she sent me
an invitation to-- [scoffs]

"an open forum of shared feelings
in a nonjudgmental safe space."

- What does that mean?
- No idea, but it's in my calendar.

Is it illegal
to have a workplace relationship?

No, it isn't. There's nothing illegal
about dating someone from work.

It's stupid, and it can only end badly,

but it is actually not an HR issue.
So...

Great. That is great, because--

Okay, so,
Poppy had this sex dream about Ian, right?

And I had one too.

Rachel got all weird because,
in my dream, I totally got him off.

- And Poppy couldn't and--
- Okay. Shh!

This is an HR issue,

because y'all
should not be coming into work

telling each other about sex dreams.

- But you just said--
- I'ma cut to the chase.

Do you like this woman?

You mean "like" like her?

Okay. This generation is a hot mess.

You can't have a conversation, and
you're devolving into third graders.

I'm sorry. It's just--

Rachel really loves to talk things out.
Like, a lot.

And she wants to break everything down
and analyze everything. And I don't.

I guess I'm not great
with confrontation.

You crept up on me quiet as the night
and pounced like a damn jungle cat.

- I call that confrontation.
- I'm sorry.

You know what you should do?

You should speak to one another.

Be clear. Okay? No more Q's, just A's.

Even if the A's are,
"We're still Q'ing."

At least you're talking to each other
and not to me.

[sighs] You're right.

I just gotta be direct. Thanks, Carol.

[sighs] God, I miss remote working.

[David] Okay, I think I got it.

Yeah, I got it. Here we go.

And the title is...

f*ck.

Sea of Nazis
doesn't even make sense! [sighs]

[Ian] What are you doing?

Oh, hey.

Uh, I was, uh--

You're back from camp. [chuckles]

Oh, it's not camp.

It's a guided retreat where
we harness the power of the male body

through the discipline
of Brazilian jujitsu.

- Okay.
- Why are you in my office?

I was trying to come up
with a title for the new expansion.

Poppy was supposed to do it,
but-- [chuckles]

You know women.

They get real emotional. [chuckles]

Yeah, David, you seem emotional.

Yeah. I am kinda having a hard time.
[sighs]

It's just been a long night. I've been
trying to come up with this title.

My mom's right, you know?
I'm not a creative. I'm a numbers guy.

Hey, relax, relax, buddy. Relax.

Look, if I learned anything this week,

it's that true power
does not come from without.

It comes from within.

Look, David,
don't be held back by reality.

My reality is different
than your reality.

You realize
that I'm actually seven feet tall?

Uh...

What do they teach you at this thing?
[grunts]

Okay, what are you doing? 'Cause you--

You've come back from this thing
real aggressive.

Yeah. Shh, shh, shh.

[whispers]
Now, listen. Tell me how you feel.

[grunts]

Safe.

That's right. Old Ian's got ya.
[grunts]

And, David,

you have all the answers you need
deep inside you.

- Mm- Hmm.
- Would you like me to help you find them?

- [grunts] Yeah.
- Okay.

The name of the expansion is...
[inaudible]

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's it, that's it.
Now, you go ahead and...

- What are we doing?
- Yeah.

[pop music playing]
Now, that's good stuff. Mm.

[gasps, sighs]

Oh, no.

[marker squeaking]

[snoring]

- [Poppy] David.
- Hey. What-- What's going on?

Why are you sleeping in my office?
[groans]

I was trying to channel Ian's mindset

to come up with a title
for the new expansion,

- But I couldn't come up with one.
- I thought of it.

- You did?
- Mm- Hmm.

What is it?

"Titans' Rift."
Ooh, that's good. I like that.

I can see the artwork already,
you know?

It's like two titans,
you know, locked in a battle.

One struggling to dominate the other.
One won't submit though.

- Something like that. I don't know.
- Yeah. That's great.

Hey, uh, how did you,
uh, come up with it, by the way?

Uh, it came to me in a dream.

Oh, yeah? That's cool.
What kind of dream?

Just a dream.

You probably wouldn't understand
because you're not creative,

but we creatives,
we have dreams like this sometimes.

You had the Ian sex dream, didn't ya?

No! No. No, no.

No. No.

No. [inhales]

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, well, you know. I've had
the dream too. We all have.

It's-- It's not uncommon
to have sex dreams about your boss.

It's like a power thing.

But, David, you're his boss.

Hmm.

Right.

Huh. Gonna have to unpack that one.

And besides, I wasn't even having
sex with him in the dream. You were.

- Me?
- Yeah.

Ian whispered the title in your ear
while you were...

What?

Sorry. Is that... supposed to be sex?

Yeah.

- Shut up. I'm good at it.
- Okay.

Anyway, the point is, you told me
to come up with the title, and I did.

Yes, you did. Well, I mean, Ian did.

No, it--

Well, it was in my head.

So, yes, Ian came up with it,

but it was in my dream.

Therefore, it was my dream,
I came up with it.

Well, yeah, but you still needed him.
[rings clink]

And so did I.

We probably
shouldn't be talking about this.

- No, no one needs to know. Right?
- Especially not Ian.

- No, definitely not Ian. We did it!
- We did it!

Yeah. [laughs]
[laughs]

- Hey, Pop.
- Yeah?

- Did I satisfy him?
- David.

I was just wondering if he... you know.

["Everything Goes (Wow)" playing]

Hey.

Hey.

Okay, here it goes.

Okay, here it goes.

Um, thanks for meeting me here.

I know it's kinda weird
to meet in a garage,

but I just wanted a neutral space,

and I brought this literature to help us
frame the conversation in a safe and---

[song continues]

Sorry.

But if I didn't do that now, I don't
know if I would be able to later.

You okay?

Yeah. Just... making sure
this isn't a dream. [chuckles]

[horn blasts]

The first one was cute, but I ain't
sitting through another one. Move.

Mazel tov. Don't f*ck in the office.

[song continues]

[bed creaks]

[song fades]
[moans] Ooh.

I gotta say, the more you do it,
the better you get.

[sighs]

Nobody satisfies me like you.

[gasps]

Whoa.

Nice.

[song resumes]

[song fades]