02x12 - Lucy's Show-Biz Swan Song

[bunniefuu]

Yeah, yeah...

yeah, that'll be all right.

Okay, now, let's see, what else do we
need?

Barbershop quartet. Okay.

Hi, Rick.

Oh, hi.

A barbershop quartet-- yeah, that's
right.

Listen, uh... how much will that
cost?

What?!

Look, I only want a quartet.

I don't want the whole Metropolitan
Opera Company.

Look, I don't want you to think

that I'm a tight skate.

Tight skate.

Cheap wad.

Well, you know what I'm talking
about.

All right, well, look, they're only
singers.

See if you can get them to work
cheaper than that.

Okay, good-bye.

Hey, Rick, you looking for singers?

Good ones that'll work cheap?

Yeah, I'm putting on a new show.

If I'd known what I was getting into,

I would have never...

Ta-da!

Oh, no.

Presenting...

Those incomparable exponents of
mellifluous melody...

Heartwarming harmony...

And appropriate terpsichore...

The Merry Mertzes.

Now look, Fred, Ethel...

Oh, come on, now, Ricky,

you used us once, and we were good,
remember?

Yeah!

Oh, nothing could be finer than to be
in Carolina

In the mo-wo-worning

No one could be sweeter than my
sweetie when I meet her

In the mo-wo-worning...

All right, all right, hold it, hold
it.

and I'll give you an audition.

Oh, fine! What kind of a show is it
going to be?

It's going to be a gay ' s revue.

That ought to be fun.

Great.

You know, we didn't have the gay ' s

in Cuba like you did over here.

What were they like, Fred?

I don't know.

That was before my time.

Ask Ethel.

We shouldn't be talking about a new
show.

Lucy might hear us.

So what? In her condition,

she wouldn't want to be in the show.

She wouldn't?

Of course not.

Oh, I can understand that.

Her figure has changed quite a bit,
you know.

Sure.

While strolling through the park one
day

In the merry, merry month of May

I was taken by surprise

By a pair of roguish eyes

And you can put that parasol away,
bom, bom.

Now, Ricky, if Fred and Ethel are
going to be in your show,

there's no reason why I can't be in
it, too.

Now, look, wait a minute.

In the first place,

I have not definitely promised Fred
and Ethel

that they're going to be in the show.

And in the second place,

I can definitely promise you

that you're not going to be in it.

But Ricky...

You're going to have a baby,
remember?

Of course I remember.
That's just the point.

After I have the baby, I'll have

to stay home and take care of it.

I'll never be able to be in a show
again.

Hey, I never thought about it that
way.

Sure, it'll sort of be my show
business farewell.

My show business swan song.

Lucy, the answer is no.

Would you begrudge an expectant swan
her song?

You seem to forget

that this particular swan has no
talent.

Oh, no? What time is that rehearsal
tomorrow?

You're not going to be there, so just
forget it.

No?

No, I said no, I'm not going to be
there.

Sir, you dare not strike a mother.

Lucy?

I'm in the closet, Ethel,

trying to find a costume for my
audition today.

Oh, no, Lucy, you're not really going
to go down there

and audition, are you?

I certainly am.

Trying to find a costume

that won't be too revealing.

How's this?

Well, I guess that's not too
revealing.

What number are you going to do?

Oh, I never thought about that.

I could sing "Roll Out the Barrel."

You could, but it's not a gay ' s
song.

Oh.

How about "Put On Your Old Gray
Barrel"?

"I'm Only a Bird in a Gilded..."

No?

No.

Oh, well, I guess you're right.

This won't work.

Hey, where'd everybody go?

Don't stand there laughing, get me
out me out of this thing.

I can't move.

Okay. Hello, down there.

Hello.

Move up a little.

Oh, ow, uh.

Guess I'll have to find something
else

that'll do the trick.

Say!

How about that horse costume that
Ricky's got?

That's a wonderful idea, you know, we
can both...

Now, wait just a minute, forget I
ever said it.

If you dress as half a horse, I know
who'll be the other half

and no, thanks.

Oh, I know.

I know.

Oh, sure, these ought to do it.

How will I look in these?

What are you going as, a lamb chop?

There's an old fashioned hoop skirt
that goes with this.

We can work up a cute song and dance
number.

I hope you're not thinking of me as
part of "we."

Sure. We'll be a couple.

A couple of what?

I'll be the woman and you be the man.

Good-bye, Lucy.

Aw, now, Ethel,

are you going to desert me in my hour
of need?

Yes.

Ethel, you who would like to be the
godmother of my child.

Oh... but why me?

Why can't you be the man?

Well, that should be fairly obvious.

Oh, all right.

But I have a feeling I'd be better
off

if I'd settled for the back end of
that horse.

Pepito, haven't you got your costume
on yet?

Yes, start my music.

Okay, here we go, music.

Oh, Señor Ricardo.

Hello, Señor.

Muchas gracias, muchas gracias.

Oh, no!

Thank you, Señor Ricardo.

Muy bien, amigo, muy bien.

Oh...

My impression of a baby crying.

Ah.

Muchas gracias.

Bravo, Pepe!

Ah, Señor Ricky...

Mira, mira, mira.

The world's eh-smallest bicycle.

Oh.

Excuse me, make myself comfortable.

Oh-ay.

Señor Trombonista.

Oh.

Hup, hup.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Listen, you know what I'd like you to
do?

Si?

That imitation of Clyde Beatty,

you know, the lion tamer?

With the, with the lamp chimney?

Yeah, will you do that?

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.

All right. I'll help you.

Oh, my portable dressing room.

Oh...

What a character.

Gracias, gracias.

All right.

Open the gate.

Hey, hup!

Listen, you know,

that is so realistic, you know, the
way that you do that.

Why don't you get yourself a couple
of lions

and be a real lion tamer?

Let's see what else...

Hey, Ricky.

Yeah?

There's an act out there waiting for
an audition.

What act?

McGillicuddy and Mertz.

I didn't ask for any Mack or
McGillicuddy--

McGillicuddy and Mertz?

Oh, give them the music, will you?

I won't miss this for all the money
in the world.

This I got to see.

Okay, girls.

By the light

Not the dark, but the light

Of the silvery moon

Not the sun, but the moon

I want to spoon

Hug and kiss, 'neath the moon

To my honey I'll croon love's tune

What a tune

Honeymoon

Funny, sunny honeymoon

Keep a-shining in June

Not July, but in June

Your silvery beams

Will bring love's dreams, we'll be
cuddling soon

Smooch, peck, neck, spoon

By the light of the moon

The silvery moon.

Dance, Maestro.

Your silvery beams will bring love's
dreams

We'll be cuddling soon

'Neath the silvery moon

The silvery moon.

Hi, Lucy.

What do you want?

Oh, for goodness' sake, you're still
mad.

I am not mad!

Well, then you got a new way of
acting happy.

Well, how do you expect me to act

when my own husband won't let me be
in his show?

Oh, now, Lucy, it's his show.

He's got a right to hire whoever he
wants.

Yeah, what a flimsy excuse he gave
us.

You mean telling us we stank?

Now, you know he didn't mean that.

He just said it because I'm expecting
a baby

and he doesn't want me to be in the
show.

Makes me so mad.

Well, if it'll make you feel any
better,

he couldn't find a place for Fred and
me either.

Some showman he is.

Hi, Ethel.

Hi.

Hiya, honey.

Huh?

Boo!

Oh, Lucy, are you still mad at me

on account of this afternoon?

I'm not talking to you.

Well, look, I'm awfully sorry

if I could not find a place for you
in the show.

But there is no place for a gay ' s
striptease.

Very funny.

Oh, you're a sorehead.

Oh, now, Ricky, it's her condition.

It is not my condition!

I was a sorehead long before I ever
thought about...

That's not what I meant.

Hi, Rick.

Oh, hiya, Fred.
Listen, Fred, uh,

I might find a place for you in the
barbershop quartet.

Oh, good. Nobody sings
barbershop

any better than I do.

Oh, good night, ladies, good night,
ladies

Good night, ladies

We're going to leave you now

Merrily we roll along, roll along,
roll along

Merrily we roll along

O'er the deep blue sea.

Hey, that sounds pretty good!

It's too bad you're not a man, Ethel.

Oh, I can wear a wig and a handlebar
mustache.

I dressed up like a man this
afternoon.

You just heard her sing that harmony.

Oh, come on, Ricky.
Say yes.

Well, we might be able to work
it out.

What do you think of this idea?

I thought that the three of us could
be barbers

and then the fourth guy could be the
customer in the chair.

Hey, that's cute.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

It'll be the first time I ever heard

a Cuban sing barbershop.

Well... yeah.

A Cuban singing barbershop.

That wouldn't sound so right, would
it?

I'll tell you what I'll do--

I'll sing it with an Irish accent.

Oh, this I got to hear.

Now, wait a minute.

I'll practice, you'll be surprised.

That's for sure.

Oh...!

Who's going to play the fourth
guy, Ricky?

Good night, ladies

Good night, ladies...

Good night.

Now, Ricky...

Now, honey, please.

Now, look, it would just be perfect.

I can be the fourth guy in the chair
with a sheet over me.

You seem to overlook one little minor
detail.

You can't sing.

I sang this afternoon.

Look, honey, we're singing "Sweet
Adeline."

We're singing harmony, everybody
sings something different.

Well, then, that's just perfect.

If everybody's singing something
different,

it won't matter what note I hit.

It doesn't work quite that way.

Besides, I practically offered the
job to George Watson.

Oh, George Watson.

You haven't even given me a chance.

Now, Ricky, couldn't Lucy just sing
the first part?

You know, Sweet Adeline

And then we could come in on the
second part.

Of course. Just give me a chance.

Yeah. Give her a chance.

Come on.
Hit the notes for us.

Okay.

That's me.

Lucy?

Bravo, bravo!
She made it!

All right, all right, you start all
by yourself now.

Give her the chord.

Sweet Adeline.

Well, it's a little difficult to
start all by yourself

just out of nowhere.

All right, we'll try it the other
way.

What other way?

We'll sing the first phrase

and you come in with the repeats.

Repeats?

Yeah. We'll sing, "Sweet Adeline,"

and you sing, "Sweet Adeline, my
Adeline."

"My Adeline."

"Sweet Adeline, sweet Adeline, my
Adeline," okay.

All right. Now, you better stand

away from us so you won't be thrown
off

by anybody singing harmony in your
ear.

All right? Go.

All right, go ahead.

Hit it.

Sweet Adeline

Sweet Adeline

Well, I guess I'm standing a little
close, it threw me off.

Try it again.

My Adeline

My Adeline

At night, dear heart

At night, dear heart

For you I pine

For you I pine

In all my dreams

In all my dreams

In all my dreams

In all my dreams?

George Watson, huh?

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

for the finale of our show,

something that a gay ' s revue
cannot be without:

A barbershop quartet.

So, here it is,

a quartet composed of Mertz,

Mertz,

Watson

and Ricardo,

with their version of "Sweet
Adeline."

In the evening when I sit alone
a-dreaming

Of days gone by, love

To me so dear...

There's a picture that in fancy oft'
appearing

Brings back the time, love

When you were near...

It is then I wonder where you are, me
darling

And if your heart to me is still the
same

For the sighing wind and nightingale
a-singing

Are breathing only

Your own sweet name

Your own sweet name

Sweet Adeline

Sweet Ad--

My Adeline

My Ad--

At night, dear heart

At--

For you I pine

Pi--

In all my dreams

In all--

Your fair face beams

You're the flower

Of my heart...

Sweet Adeline...

Sweet Adeline.

Lucy and Desi will be back in a
moment.

Fred! Merry Christmas!

Lucy!

We're all Santa Clauses!

Yeah!

How about that?

Let's put our presents under the
tree.

Okay, okay. Here we go. All right.

Whoo!

Hey, Santa, you put on

a little weight, didn't you?

Ha-ha! How about you?

Yeah!

How about you, Ethel?

Fred, where'd you ever buy such a big
pillow?

Huh? Why don't you answer me?

I'm not wearing a pillow.

Come on, let's open all our presents.

All right.

Okay!

Oh, no, no!
Let's sing first?

Sing?

Well, yeah. Everything is so
wonderful

and spending Christmas with our good
friends,

I just feel like serenading the
world.

Okay! I know a wonderful Cuban
melody.

It's called "Cascabeles."

Let's hear it!

Go ahead! Sing it!

All right.
Cascabeles, cascabeles

Cantan todo el día

Cascabeles, cascabeles

Traen la alegria...

Hey, that's "Jingle Bells."

"Jingle Bells"?

Sure!

How about that?

You Americans steal all our good
songs.

Ha-ha! Hey, let's all sing it, huh,
Santa Clauses?

All right.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle
all the way

Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one
horse, open sleigh

Jingle Bells, jingle bells, jingle
all the way

Oh, what fun it is to ride

In a one horse, open sleigh

Dashing through the snow

In a once horse, open sleigh

O'er the fields we go

Laughing all the way

Bells on bobtail ring

Making spirits bright

What fun it is to ride and sing a
sleighing song tonight

Oh, Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way

Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one
horse, open sleigh

Jingle Bells, jingle bells, jingle
all the way

Oh, what fun it is to ride

In a one horse, open sleigh.

Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Ah!

Merry Christmas, everybody.