03x22 - The Hockey Show

[bunniefuu]

I can't believe we're the only two girls

in this sports bar and
no one's hitting on us.

What does a girl gotta
do to get noticed in here?

(SIGHS) Watch this.

ALL: Hey! Sit down!

(MEN SHOUTING)

Sit down! What are you doing?

Oh, that is it.

You know, I'm giving up on men.

I'm giving up. And I'm very content.

I... I have three beautiful children,
a gorgeous home, a great guy.

So, I don't have a sex life.

Believe me, I can hold
out longer than Lisa Marie.

Oh, my God.

There's a gorgeous guy cruising us.

Well, Val, he's all yours.

He's coming this way.

Val, I'm telling you,
my dating days are over.

Hi. I'm Mike LaVoe. I play
with the New York Rangers.

Would you like to go out with me sometime?

Yes, I would.

How's Friday?

Thursday's sooner.

I need the address.

Get a pen.

Fran, what happened to living like a nun?

I pictured you climbing every
mountain, fording every stream.

Well, I followed every
Ranger till I found my dream.

Meanwhile, we're out of popcorn.

Oh, let me.

(MEN SHOUTING)

* She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing, Queens

* 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out

* in one of those crushing scenes

* What was she to do? Where was she to go?

* She was out on her fanny

* So over the bridge from
Flushing to the Sheffield's door

* She was there to sell
makeup, but the father saw more

* She had style! She
had flair! She was there!

* That's how she became the nanny!

* Who would have guessed
that the girl we've described

* was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed?

* Now the father finds her beguiling

* Watch out, C.C.!

* And the kids are actually smiling

* Such joie de vivre!

* She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan

* The flashy girl from Flushing

* The nanny named Fran!

Fran, how come Dad won't let
me go out on school nights,

but you can go out when
you're supposed to be working?

Honey, I'm an adult.

I don't need to ask your
father for permission.

Oh, I left the shower running.
I'm in there, if he asks.

MAXWELL: Miss Fine.

She's in the shower.

(EXCLAIMS)

Oh, sweetie, it's okay.

I shouldn't have asked
you to lie for me anyway.

I should have coughed up the
two extra bucks for Brighton.

Now, listen, Mr. Sheffield,

if you're gonna try and talk
me out of going out tonight...

Are you kidding?

With Mike LaVoe of the New York Rangers?

Go like this.

Oh, gee, who knew that
I could get the night off

just by going out with a famous athlete?

Well, so much for dating Jewish guys.

I can't believe we're dating Mike LaVoe.

Well, I mean, you know, you
are. But I get to meet him.

Uh-huh.

We talked on the phone. He called me "pal".

Well, you know, he thinks
that I'm lucky for him.

Right after I met him,
he scored four times.

On the ice.

I must say I haven't seen you
this excited in a long time.

Well, I don't often get
to go out with a celebrity.

No. I was talking to Gidget.

Oh, do shut up and take that
pate back to the kitchen.

Put out some real man food
like ribs or hot wings.

Oh, Nanny Fine, another fabulous gown

from the Reynold's Wrap collection.

Maxwell, what would you say if I
waltzed out of here for a date at : ?

I'd say, "See you at : ."

You know, you got a pretty big yap

for someone whose last date involved

standing on a roof watching Sputnik go by.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Mike LaVoe's here.

- I got it. I got it.
- I'll get it.

- I got it.
- I'm gonna get it.

Will you look at yourselves?

Acting like a bunch of
idiots over some guy.

Believe me, it's cuter on me.

Hey, how's my lucky charm?

Oh, magically delicious.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Max Sheffield. This is my son, Brighton.

What's happening, partner?

(SQUEAKS) Partner.

Sure beats your "pal".

Would you like a drink?

Oh, no thanks, boss.

"Boss." Kicked both your butts.

Oh, now, let's not fight over
who has the best nickname.

Come on, let's go, sexy thing.

"Sexy thing." We have a winner.

Fran, you look so gorgeous tonight.

Oh, Mike, thank you.

But you've already told
me seven times tonight.

Well, I'm superstitious.

You know, I have to tell
you seven times a night

or else it's bad luck.

Is there anything else you have to do

seven times a night I should know about?

- Nope.
- Oh.

Well, I don't believe
in superstitions myself.

Especially that one about
catching the bridal bouquet.

P.S., I don't need to buy
potpourri until the year .

Well, I'm a hockey player,

and we do have little rituals,
you know, for good luck.

Yeah?

It's like when we're on a winning streak,

I never change my underwear.

If you're looking to get lucky,

I'd find myself another ritual.

God, Fran, I cannot believe that
a woman like you isn't taken.

Listen, I'm as shocked as you are.

I had just about given up on men.

I mean, I never dreamt that I could find

such a sweet, wonderful,
normal guy like you.

And... it has to be odd.

Believe me, it is.

Compliments of the management, Mr. LaVoe.

Oh, seafood platter.

No, no, no, no. Wait, we can't
eat this. There's shrimp here.

Well, wait a minute. Watch this.

- Now there's .
- No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm sorry, Fran. But I had to do that.

Oh, well, you know, it's fine.

It's perfectly understandable.

Yeah. Well, it's just that...

it's just that is so unlucky.

Especially for that woman with
the shrimp in her cleavage.

Oh, Dad, these seats Mike LaVoe got us

are gonna be right on the ice.

We're gonna be close
enough to smell the players.

Finally, I know someone
that's got some pull.

Excuse me, but I have gotten us

some front row seats in my time.

Yeah, but we're talking about smelling
the Rangers, not Carol Channing.

Keep it up because I
could have asked Niles.

Yes. Just like I could
have made you a new waffle

when that one fell on the floor.

Good morning, everyone.

Well, you got in late
last night, didn't you?

I got home at : . But I wasn't
allowed in until an odd number.

Load me up, Niles.

Wait a minute.

Why are you eating like someone

that doesn't have a boyfriend?

You screwed up our date, didn't you?

Did you pick off his plate?

Oh, come on, what do you
think, I was born in a barn?

Look, I know you loved
him, but you're young.

You'll meet someone else.

So is it officially over, possibly over,

or not over until I get
my front row tickets?

Mr. Sheffield, the man has a screw loose,

which is gonna make it
hard to break up with him

since he'd fit so well in my family.

This is so unfair.

You can't break up with him.

You promised to take us to the playoffs.

Oh, you know, you're all nuts.

That's it. You know what?
I just give up on men.

I don't care if I ever get married.

Meanwhile, my mother just had an urge

to jump out the window
and she doesn't know why.

- You're right. It's your life.
- FRAN: Thank you.

Even though those are the hardest
tickets to come by at the moment.

And, well, hockey is the only thing

my boy and I have bonded over
in the last couple of years.

Oh, you know, I can't believe

you would stoop so low
as to use guilt on me.

All right. Fine. If the
game means that much to you,

I will go.

I just have to tell Grandma Yetta

that I'm not gonna take her to the movies.

There's always next week. God willing.

Oh, God, now I feel terrible.

Amateurs.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Oh, God, this is gonna be so thrilling.

Oh, look, Mike just skated out.

Oh, he's waving.

Hello, pal.

Oh, he's blowing a kiss.

Oh, well, all right.

Pal, I think that was meant for Sexy Thing.

Fran, the announcer's talking about you.

They're saying you're Mike's lucky charm.

Oh, I wish you didn't
talk me into doing this.

Now, he's gonna think that
I'm still interested in him.

Oh, Miss Fine, look,
you're on the big screen.

FRAN: Oh!

Love ya, Mike.

Good luck from Sexy Thing.

And Pal.

Kiss me for luck, Fran.

ALL: Fran! Fran! Fran! Fran!

Oh, my God.

Everybody is chanting my name

right here in Madison Square Garden,

me, a simple Jewish girl from New York.

What does this remind me of?

♪ Memories

♪ Light the corners of my mind

♪ Misty water-colored memories

♪ Of the way we were

What on earth is she doing?

CROWD ON TV: Fran! Fran!
Fran! Fran! Fran! Fran!

Fran! Fran! Fran! Fran!

Fran! Fran! Fran! Fran!

MAXWELL: Come on, Rangers.
Oh, what are you doing?

Get him, man.

What on earth is going on?

They're getting blown out.

This has to be the worst
game they've ever played.

You could put Carol Channing in ice skates,

and she'd do better than this.

Oh, come on, don't worry.

His lucky charm is here.

There's plenty of time.

What inning is this?

Fran, Fran, come here, come
here, come here, come here.

Coming, baby.

Baby, something's wrong.

- It's like there's a curse on me.
- Oh?

- Are you sitting in an even-numbered seat?
- Yes.

Did you drive around the garden
seven times before you came in?

Yes, yes.

Are you wearing the same underwear?

Does everybody need to know our business?

Oh, okay. All right.

Well, try sitting on the aisle. Okay?

Oh, all right. Okay.

Fran, Fran, Fran, the... the
shoes. The red shoes.

Oh, you like?

No. Red shoes are bad luck.

What?

The only thing bad luck about these

is that I paid retail for them.

No, no. You gotta leave, Fran.

You're the reason we're
losing. You're a jinx.

What? I am not a jinx.

ALL: Jinx! Jinx! Jinx! Jinx!

(CROWD CHANTING)

CROWD: Jinx! Jinx! Jinx! Jinx!

Oh, my God. No.

Jinx! Jinx! Jinx! Jinx!

Would you just look at this picture?

Now everybody in New York
City thinks that I'm a jinx.

But on the upside, I'll tell you,

I look , tops.

I gotta remember this photographer
for when I get married.

Honey, no one believes you're a jinx.

Gee, you're taking this awfully well.

I'd have thought you'd have been more upset

about that I got dumped on national TV

from one of the most eligible
bachelors in New York.

I know, honey. That's
why I'm heavily sedated.

Oh, by the way, your father's disowned you.

Oh, Niles, look at this.

This is the kind of thing that can
put a person right over the deep end.

I mean, next thing you know,

I'll be talking to myself
like one of those crazy women.

I've got black shoes. I've got
yellow shoes. I've got green shoes.

No, I had to wear the red shoes.

Oh, poor Nanny Fine.

I can't imagine what it feels like

to be despised by so many people.

Oh, come on. Don't be so modest.

You know what, Nanny Fine?

You should lay low till
this whole thing blows over.

You should stay at my place for a while,

- and I'll stay here.
- Oh.

Your room's right next to Maxwell's, right?

No. It's near the kids.

Oh, well, you know, just cancel that.

What's this about?

Oh, just a small sampling of shoes
our lucky charm could have worn.

Well, let's see, there's lemon yellow,

orange orange, green clover.

You know, none of this would have happened

if you had only let me break up with him

when I wanted to.

Now, I'm the most despised
person in New York City.

I might as well become a mime.

Hi, sweetie, how was therapy today?

Well, Dr. Bort said today
was our last session.

Oh, sweetheart, you're cured?

No. She's a Rangers season ticket holder.

Oh, now that does it, mister.

You better get Mike LaVoe to tell
the world that I am not a jinx.

Miss Fine, nobody cares.

Nobody cares?

They're throwing eggs at
our house at the front door.

Maxwell, you have to get rid of that woman.

There are maniacs outside throwing eggs.

What? Everyone else was doing it.

Oh, Mike, good, I'm glad I found you.

Look, there's something very
important I need to ask you...

Whoa. Is that Ron Greschner?

- Yeah, it is. You want to meet him?
- Oh, may I?

Yeah, sure. Ron, come here.

I want you to meet a friend of mine.

This is Maxwell Sheffield.

How you doing, buddy?

He called me "buddy".

Do you want to play darts?

Oh, well, Ron, that's very
kind of you, but I need to...

What? On your team?

Wait a minute. What do you... what
do you need to talk to me about?

Uh, oh, it can wait, buddy.

So, Ron, let's, uh, play some darts, huh?

Oh, sorry, did I hurt you?

When?

Niles,

I'm in trouble.

I didn't talk to Mike LaVoe
about that, um, jinx business.

Had a couple of beers
with the boys instead.

Oh, you know, they have a picture

of Miss Fine above the
bar, darts in her nose.

I got her right in the big hair, points.

Why aren't you laughing?

I was laughing on the inside, sir.

Oh, Miss Fine,

all right, come on, let me have it.

I deserve it.

Oh, oh, Miss Fine, please.

I never thought I'd say this,

but please talk.

Oh, no. Don't cry. Oh, no.

Please, please, don't... don't cry.

I can't stand it when you cry.

Oh, what can I do to
make it up to you, hmm?

I'll... I know, I'll...
I'll buy you something.

All right? Anything. Just...
just please say you forgive me.

Oh, I am, like, so ready to be married.

FRAN: Excuse me. I'm
looking for Mike LaVoe.

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry. I'm so...

ALL: It's the Jinx! It's the Jinx!

Oh, gee, if ESPN wants more women viewers,

they should put a few cameras back here.

Fran. Fran, what are you doing here?

Look, you told the entire
city that I was a jinx.

Now, you better take it back or I'll...

What? Hold your breath till you turn blue?

No. It's just that the
schtunk in here finally hit me.

Look, I can't take it back, Fran.

Denying a hex is a hex in itself.

Yeah, yeah. I watched Bewitched, too.

Oh, come on, Mike, there's gotta be
some way I could change your mind.

Well, I don't see how. This is a
very important game for us tonight.

Oh, I don't know. Think about it.

You're a man,

and I'm a woman.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON RECORDER)

Oh, no. No, not , Franny. Not .

Take it off. Take it off.

Oh, do you want to see more?

Oh, no, not the mirror, Franny.

Not the mirror, please. Come on, Fran.

Not the mirror. Don't do that.

Seven years bad luck.

That's my entire career.

Oh, no.

No, no, no. Come on, Fran.

Now, before you go out on that ice...

Not... not the red shoes, Franny, the
Stanley Cup is riding on this game.

You ask yourself a question,

do I feel lucky tonight?

Well, do you, punk?

(SOBBING)

MAN ON TV: We're tied up in overtime here

in this crucial championship game.

Margaret, if you were Miss Fine,

what car would you like to drive?

Uh, my husband's.

Get this, Ranger fans, I've
just been handed a note.

Mike LaVoe formally apologizes

to Miss Fran Fine for calling her a jinx.

It goes on to say she's stunning,

intelligent, and can be
reached at area code ...

Hey, what's that? Oh, man, what a play.

I better get back to the action here.

What's the score?

Miss Fine, Mike LaVoe just
apologized to you on the air.

How on earth did you get him to do that?

Oh, I did a striptease
for him in his locker room

and scared the hell out of him.

Wait. That didn't sound right.

Look at this. The Rangers need a miracle.

Oh, Brighton, enough with the
miracles and the superstitions.

It's all ridiculous.

I mean, what does a pair of red shoes

have to do with a hockey game anyway?

Goal. The Rangers score.

(ALL CHEERING)

Wait. I'm sorry. The ref
is reviewing the play.

Well, I... I guess it's good for the city.

Yes, it's a goal. The Rangers win.