03x27 - A Pup in Paris

[bunniefuu]

Hi.

Oh, Grandma Yetta called
and said she's on her way.

I don't know why she wouldn't
let me send the limo for her

so she could stretch out in back.

Oh, honey, at her age,

she's not looking to stretch out

in the back of any long black cars.

Niles, do you have
anything for the dog to eat?

Sure. What are you in the mood for?

Watch it, Hop Sing,

- or I'll have you fixed like I fixed him.
- Oh.

Nanny Fine, here's my credit card.

Now, when you take Chester to
the groomer, be very careful.

He's been biting and snapping

and being particularly vicious.

Bad Cujo. Bad Cujo.

Dump him in here. I
gave him a tranquillizer.

Oh, you know, my mother once took

a doggy tranquillizer by accident.

She thought it was a Dexatrim.

What happened?

Well, she ate out of a big bowl,

licked herself clean...

basically nothing happened.

I'm leaving for the airport now, Mother.

Goodbye.

Yes, of course, Mother.

I like you very much, too.

"I like you very much, too"?

When are you gonna cut
that umbilical cord already?

Well, I have to go to Paris.

My brother's done it again.

Nigel's taken his entire inheritance

and bought some seedy
little nightclub in Paris.

I told Mother no one in our family

should get hold of their trust fund

until they're at least years old.

?

I'm not gonna have a date until I'm .

Well, honey, at least when
you turn , you'll be rich.

When I turn , I'll be .

Oh, my goodness. Look at the time.

I'm gonna miss my flight.

Oh, well, Shalimar.

Oh, no. That's au revoir, Miss Fine.

No. I meant Shalimar, as in duty free,

but I'll be happy with
whatever you bring me back.

Chanel.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield.

Mr. Sheffield, you forgot your bag.

Oh, my goodness. Thank you. Goodbye.

Bye, Dad.

Oh, look who's here.

Grandma Yetta.

Oh, no. You came here in an ambulance?

Are you okay?

She flagged us down and said
she was a little out of breath.

But as we were driving down your block,

she suddenly felt much better.

It was a miracle.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, Brighton, bring Chester over here.

We're gonna take him to the groomer's.

Here boy. Boy?

(WHISTLES)

You know, Fran, I don't
want to say anything here,

but I think this dog is dead.

Oh, calm down, he's not dead.

He's just sleeping.

I get that all the time.

Oh, sweet doggy, nice puppy.

Wow! She don't feed him enough.

Oh, my God. Oh, no.

Mr. Sheffield! Mr. Sheffield!

* She was working in a
bridal shop in Flushing, Queens

* 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out

* in one of those crushing scenes

* What was she to
do? Where was she to go?

* She was out on her fanny

* So over the bridge from
Flushing to the Sheffield's door

* She was there to sell
makeup, but the father saw more

* She had style! She
had flair! She was there!

* That's how she became the nanny!

* Who would have guessed
that the girl we've described

* was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed?

* Now the father finds her beguiling

* Watch out, C.C.!

* And the kids are actually smiling

* Such joie de vivre!

* She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan

* The flashy girl from Flushing

* The nanny named Fran!

Mr. Sheffield. Mr. Sheffield.

Oh, thank God I found you.

Miss Fine, what on
earth are you doing here?

Well, you accidentally took
the wrong bag I gave you.

How did you get on?

Well, I had to buy a ticket
with Miss Babcock's credit card.

But I'll give it back for a refund

just as soon as I get off the plane.

Of course, without a ticket,

I won't be able to get back into duty free

to return this adorable
little tennis bracelet...

Would you... would you just get
the bag and get off the plane?

Okay. Okay.

Champagne?

Oh, thank you, yes.

I just love first class.

Um...

Uh, excuse me.

Chester.

Oh, Chester. Are you in here?

Chester, honey.

(BELL DINGS)

STEWARD: Flight attendants cross-check
and prepare the cabin for takeoff.

(ENGINE WHIRRING)

Grandma Yetta, Fran said I could go
into her closet and play dress up,

but everything's too tight on me.

Does Franny still wear this?

Because it would be good for me in summer.

Uh, Yetta, I'm doing a book report,

and they're out of it at Blockbuster.

And, well,

I was wondering, how much do
you know about the Titanic?

Oh, top of the line.

They had a midnight buffet on deck.

And the ice sculpture...

huge.

FRAN: Help me! Help me! Help me!

That talking pig sounds just like my nanny.

FRAN: Stewardess! Stewardess!

Oh, God, no.

(BELL DINGS)

I thought I was gonna
suffocate. Going down.

Ladies lingerie, accessories...

Get out of there.

Oh, calm down.

I was just trying to switch the bags

and I accidentally got
locked in the closet.

It could happen to anyone.

Yes, but it doesn't
happen to anyone, does it?

It only happens to you, Mrs. Carmichael.

Come.

Just... just sit down.

Oh, you like sitting by the window, too?

Thank you. Thank you.

I have to sit by the window.

Oh, except now you really can't
see the movie screen from here.

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, would you look at this?

This brings back such memories.

Ma used to make all the
beds with these blankets.

I'll tell you, until I was six...

Until I was six, I thought
that our initials were T.W.A.

Oh, look at this, my
sister's china pattern.

Wait a minute. If you're here, Miss Fine,

who's taking care of the children?

Oh, Grandma Yetta. But don't worry.

She raised my mother,
and look how normal she...

Give me the phone! Give me the phone!

Hi, Grandma Yetta. Yeah, it's Fran.

Listen, I'm calling from the aeroplane.

I know. It's amazing.

But, you know, if they could
get a man on the moon...

Sure they did.

Neil Armstrong.

No, he's not the one that
sang Love on the Rocks.

That was Neil Diamond.

But I can understand how...

Just give me that.

Yetta, get Niles on the phone, would you?

What?

No, I most certainly will not.

♪ Love on the rocks

♪ Ain't no surprise

♪ Pour me a drink
And I'll tell you... ♪

Would you... is there no
one there I can talk to?

Yes. Good.

Gracie, sweetheart, get Niles for me.

Oh, talk to your daughter for two seconds.

(SIGHS)

Hello, sweetheart.

I love you, and I miss you very, very much.

I miss you, too, sir.

No, we weren't worried.

We figured it was something
as simple as getting locked

in the closet of a in flight.

Oh, here's Miss Babcock now.

Mr. Sheffield for you.

Bonjour, Maxwell.

Oh, how I wish I were with
you whisking off to Paris.

Hold on a minute. Nanny Fine is
babbling something next to me.

Would you...

Oh, she's babbling something next to you.

Oh-oh.

Isn't that funny?

Funny, funny, funny.

How can this be the only available room

in the entire city?

What? Is there some kind of
convention going on or something?

Oh, people are pouring in from everywhere.

The new Andrew Lloyd
Webber musical is opening.

Oh, monsieur, wait. Here you go.

And please don't come back
until he's done number deux.

Merci. Merci.

Oh, I cannot believe we're in Paris.

And would you look at this room!

You know, I think Miss Ellie
has this wallpaper in Southfork.

I'll tell you, this jet lag

is beginning to catch up with me.

Oh, I know. I can hardly keep my eyes open.

(SIGHING)

Yes. Well, I'm feeling much better.

Really? You look exhausted.

You wouldn't want to
spoil your stay in Paris.

No. I'm feeling much better, really.

I took a sleep on the plane.

Why didn't you?

And miss the lobster, caviar
and make-your-own-sundae bar?

I don't think so.

Well, I'm gonna take a shower.

Nigel should be here any minute.

I thought we'd grab a
quick bite at L'Orangerie,

try and talk some sense into him.

Talk him out of that ridiculous

night club business he's getting...

Miss Fine, were you going to just sit there

and let me take my clothes off?

Well, I didn't want to spoil
my stay in Paris either.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Oh, that'll be Nigel now.

You know, uh, I haven't seen my
little brother for four years.

Actually, I'm feeling a little emotional.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield, that's good.

Go with your feelings. Let it out.

- Hello, young man.
- Max.

Who's this? I say, aren't we lovely?

We certainly are.

- I'm Fran.
- Nigel.

Oh, Max, I should have rung up.

Am I, um, interrupting?

No. No.

Oh, this... this is my nanny.

She, uh, she takes care of my children.

Oh, you brought them with you,
then. Where... where are they?

They're in New York.

Oh, I get it.

Nanny. Spank, spank.

(LAUGHING)

No, Nigel. You do not get it at all.

Well, I can assure you,

this woman is not involved with me

or anyone else for that matter.

Go to the window.

I don't think Brussels heard you.

All right, Nigel, now, what
is all this ridiculous nonsense

about you buying a night club?

Oh, here comes the lecture.

You know, if you put a martini in one hand

and Father's jewels in the
other, you could be Mother.

(LAUGHING)

Don't you think it's time

you stopped behaving like an
immature child and grew up?

I mean, you know nothing about business.

Well, what do you know?

I used your name and couldn't even
get into the Andrew Lloyd Webber show.

All right. Fine. That does it.

Oh, my God. Boys! Boys!

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

Use your words.

Now, you two are taking a time-out.

That's all.

He started it.

Oh, and no TV for you, either.

Now, what's with you?

You know, he's only trying to help you.

I mean, you're very young,

and you've got all this dough,

and what are you, ' "?

Three.

- One and a half.
- All right. That's it. I'm out of here.

You've turned into a
stuffed shirt. You're boring.

And don't bother coming to my club,

because we don't get going till : .

And that's way past your bedtime.

For your information, I go to bed at :

because I work in the morning!

I'm sorry, Miss Fine.

I'm sorry you had to witness
such a dreadful display.

Hey, that was a display by you?

Try going to Ma's house when
two aunts each have a bagel

and there's only one piece of lox left.

Let's change the subject.

Well, I'm gonna call the airlines.

We are going home.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield, you can't leave
it like this with your brother.

No, I'm sorry. But even if
it means going to his club,

drinking champagne and eating French food,

we are just gonna have
to make the sacrifice.

Well, all right.

- I suppose we did come all this way.
- Mmm-hmm.

And I do happen to have a
clean stuffed shirt with me.

Well, let's see, it's only : now.

So what do you want do
between now and then?

Let me see.

What could a man and a woman do

to k*ll a couple of hours in Paris?

Miss Fine.

Oh, come on, Mr. Sheffield, right now.

Let's go. Take me

shopping!

Niles, where's Maxwell?

I've been trying to reach his room all day.

Oh, well, try Nanny Fine's room.

It's .

is Maxwell's room.

I know. Isn't that funny?

Funny, funny, funny.

* I love Paris

* In the spring time

* I love Paris

* In the fall

* I love Paris

* In the winter when it drizzles

* Say, I love Paris in the summer

* When it sizzles

* Say, I love Paris every moment

* Every moment of the year

* Yes, I love Paris

* Why, oh, why do I love Paris?

* Because my love is near

* Because my love is near

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(SINGING IN FRENCH)

You get what I mean, don't you?

Madames, monsieurs, ladies and gentlemen,

the incomparable Eartha Kitt.

Wonderful.

Oh, monsieur.

(SPEAKS FRENCH)

Oh, tish, I love it when you speak French.

Oh, look who's here. Bonsoir.

A little late for you,
though, isn't it, Max?

He took a little nap.

Eartha, I'd like you to meet my brother,

Maxwell Sheffield and his, um, nanny.

Oh, Miss Kitt, you are so wonderful,

and you look incredible.

How do you ever stay so young?

I have a nanny, too.

Lorenzo, darling.

Miss Kitt, you were smashing. Merci.

Oh, two handsome gentlemen
in the same family.

(GROWLING)

All right. All right. Back off, cat woman.

Well, the place is packed.

Not bad for an immature child

who knows nothing about business, hey, Max?

This is on me.

Would you just look at him?

Working the room, picking up the tabs.

Just wait till he spends a couple
of sleepless nights wondering

whether the thing that
he's poured his heart

and soul into is gonna go under or not.

Oh, he's such a dreamer.

Wish you were him?

Yeah.

You know, I was him once.

What happened, Miss Fine?

What happened to my passion?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe becoming too successful,

you lose your passion.

I know sometimes when
I wake up in my mansion

and my Ralph Lauren sheets and I
look out my window at Park Avenue,

I think, oh, maybe I'll just sleep in.

Niles can get the kids ready for school.

But enough about me.

Do you know what I'm gonna do, Miss Fine?

Fire me?

I'm gonna get my passion back.

Well, I'm right behind you, baby.

The first thing I'm gonna do
is tell my brother, "Good show."

Then I'm gonna ring my mother
and tell her to sod off.

And the passion part will
kick in exactly where?

Right... right now.

Oh, right.

I'm gonna go for it, Miss Fine.

I'm gonna grab the brass ring.

I'm gonna get back in touch and just do it.

Go! Grab! Touch! Do!

Did I mention touch?

For God sakes, I'm in Paris
with a beautiful woman.

Come on, let's blow this nightclub
and see where life takes us.

(GROWLING)

Yep, taking the next plane

was definitely the right thing to do.

We switch flights in Rome,
short layover in Amsterdam.

We'll be home in, oh, hours.

Yeah, it was definitely meant to be.

What the hell was that?

Oh, just a little bump in the road.

What, did we hit a deer? We're in the air.

Oh, you have to picture yourself
going along a little country lane

with a few dips and potholes.

What the bloody hell was that?

Okay, okay.

Calm down. Ma said to always
look at the stewardesses,

that they'll let you know when
there's something to worry about.

Oh, my God. Everybody, stay in your seats.

Fasten your seat belts.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, God, I never thought
it was gonna end like this.

I did.

I'm finally flying first class
with a handsome millionaire.

Of course the plane would go down.

What else?

All right. Everybody, now, just stay calm.

- Everything is fine.
- Okay.

Would you put your damn tray away?

Do you want to get us all k*lled?

Okay. Okay.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield.

Mr. Sheffield, I just want you to know

that these last three years have
been just the best years of my life.

Oh, God, my children.

Oh, they adored you, Miss Fine.

You know, now would be a
good time to call me Fran.

I love you.