01x19 - Mo. Grandmas, Mo. Problems

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

That color run
was so much fun, Grandma!

I feel like I got sneezed on
by a rainbow.

Then you're gonna love the mud
run I booked for spring break.

It's just like this
except muddy and wet and...

You know what?
I'll just book massages.

What are you doing? No.
I just finished mopping the floor.

You could eat off this thing.

In fact, when I started,
it looked like somebody had.

Dad, chill. Grandma Maya's
not coming in until tonight.

Why do you always
get so nervous around her?

Because she's an intimidating woman.

I always feel like she's judging me.

Maybe that's because she's a judge.

So, Syd, what do you think you and
Grandma Maya are going to do this week?

Probably the usual:
Long ballet, formal tea,

then some museum where I pretend
to see faces in the paintings.

Is it a mouth? Is it a nose?

Just draw them where
they're supposed to go, man.

Syd, she's your mom's mom
and she loves you.

And I love her too.

I just wish I loved
the same things that she loves.

And that she was as fun as you are.

Well, we can't all be
the trill grandma.

What does "trill" mean?

If you gotta ask, you ain't trill.

(doorbell rings)

-Maxwell.
-Maya.

You're early.

What are you doing here early?

(clears throat) Let me try that again.
Come on in.

(chuckles) Thanks.

This lovely young woman at the
gate put me on an earlier flight.

She said my ruling
on equal pay changed her life.

She also slipped me
an extra bag of pretzels.

(chuckling)

Judy, you look as if
you're enjoying retirement.

Guilty as charged.

Now, where's my favorite girl?

-Grandma Maya!
-Come give me a hug.

-Are you sure?
-Of course.

I assume there's an up to par
dry cleaner in the vicinity?

-Yes, Your Honor.
-Then bring it in!

I'm so glad to see you, Grandma Maya.

Me too. Look at you!

You are growing into
a beautiful young woman.

Now tell me, do you prefer
French or Russian ballet?

Ooh, that's... tough.

I just love them both so much.

Then we'll do them both.

Yay!

(theme music playing)

♪ Like father, like daughter,
we don't always agree ♪

♪ But looking at you
is like looking at me ♪

♪ The more things change,
the more they stay the same ♪

♪ Like father, like daughter,
from different times ♪

♪ Taking all the best
from your decade and mine ♪

♪ The more things change ♪

♪ The more they stay the same ♪

♪ The more they stay the same ♪

♪ ♪

Are Maya and Sydney back from
their ballerina snooze fest yet?

Mom, not everyone
falls asleep at the ballet.

Well, you and I do but not everyone.

I just hope Syd's having some fun.

It's my fault.

I set the "fun grandma" bar too high.

I'm like a roller coaster
you can talk to.

(laughing)

Wow, it looks like you two
had a good time.

The best. Swan Lake
was actually amazing.

I never realized ballet
wasn't just a bunch of people
jumping around in tights.

-It's not?
-Max: No!

There's the guy on the horse
and the jousting,

and that giant turkey drumstick...

Wait, that's the Renaissance Faire.

There's a story, too.

A maiden is turned into a swan

and has to find true love
to break the curse.

-It's a tragic tale.
-You know what, Grandma Maya?

I guess I was just too young to
appreciate all this stuff from before,

but now I finally get it.

Your mom was about your age
when it clicked for her, too.

Really? That's so cool.

Did you also take her to...
(in British accent): High tea?

Yes, and her British accent was...

(in British accent):
Just as delightful.

-Oh, stop.
-No, you stop.

Both: Oh, pishposh!

(in gruff voice):
Ahoy, scallywags!

(in normal voice):
Wait, that's pirate.

(in British accent): Well,
I'm going to take a lie-down.

Toodle-pip.

(in British accent):
And I may watch some telly.

Tiddlywinks.

Well, I don't know what
we were worried about.

It looks like Syd had
the time of her life.

Yeah, looks like it.

Oh wait, I forgot my program.

I wanna put it up on my wall.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Mom, is something bothering you?

Judy: Well, yes,
but you better not tell Sydney.

I hate to admit it,
but I feel left out.

All of a sudden, I'm not
the only fun grandma anymore.

Max: Aw, Mom.

(in British accent):
Pip-pip, cheery up.

Well, that just made it worse.

(pipes rattling)

Either you got a problem
with your pipes,

or my Uncle Ernie's
asleep under your sink.

Ooh!

Hey, Mom.
The pipes are still broken.

They are? Then let me
get my wrench

and I'll crawl under
the house right now.

Cool. Let me know
when dinner's ready.

Of course I know
they're still broken.

That's why I had to get a second job.

Ms. Reynolds, are you a Betty
Sue Cosmetics saleswoman?

How'd you know? - My mom slams
the door on them all the time.

I know. They put her
on the "Stay-Away" list.

So, what do you think
of my Betty Sue Smile?

Maybe you should give it
back to Betty Sue.

Leo, can I try my sales pitch on you?

-Of course.
-Excuse me.

Hi, I'm Judy
from Betty Sue Cosmetics.

This is where my mom
usually slams the door.

But we'll keep going.

Wow. The way you talked about
your Grandma Maya in class,

she sounds amazing.

I know, right? I can't believe she's
ruled on three major civil rights cases.

All my grandma does is make
doll heads out of old apples.

It sounds cute, but it's creepy.

No, it sounds creepy.

But I've got a big problem.

Since Grandma Maya and I have
been having so much fun together,

Grandma Judy's been feeling left out.

-She actually told you that?
-In a way.

Okay, I was eavesdropping.

Sydney.

I was wondering,

tomorrow we start our unit
on government in action.

You think your grandmother
could come speak to the class?

Grandma Maya?

I'm sure she'd love to,
Mr. Tanaka.

Excellent.

Wait! I also have
another grandma

that you'll find very interesting.

She also worked for the government.

-Is she a judge too?
-She definitely has opinions.

Okay then. Two guest speakers.

I feel like I'm teaching
at a private school.

Sydney, I've been doing
a little research

for our spring break trip.

Check it out.

A tree house?

We're staying in a luxury tree house?

There's even a zip line
into the hot tub!

And an attractive man
named Dante to carry me back.

-Hey, Grandma
Maya! I'm glad
you're here. -Hey.

I have the best news.

My history teacher invited both
of you to come speak to my class.

I'd love to.

I so enjoy speaking to students.

Ooh, better go see
if I packed my travel gavel.

So, Grandma Judy,

you excited to talk to my class, too?

Oh, Noodle, you don't need me.

You've got Grandma Maya.
I'd just be in the way.

That's not true.

Would you at least think about it?

Okay. Nah.
Still don't want to go.

Welcome to the "Mom's Not Home",

"So We Can Do
Whatever We Want" Games!

Look at me.

I'm eating guacamole
on the couch without a napkin.

I'm bad, Max.

Hey, Mom.

I thought you were out
selling that face junk.

It was harder than I thought.

The only money I made
was when a woman

offered me five dollars to go away.

(chuckles) Cost her ten!

Then how are we gonna fix the pipes?

On the training video,

they suggest hosting a party
to help you sell your makeup.

So, I invited a bunch of moms
from your school to come.

That's genius!

Trap them in your house,

and don't let them leave
until they buy something.

And do it all with a Betty Sue smile.

I'm so tired. I can't wait
to get off my feet.

Oh, no!

My skateboard!

(groaning)

Ow.

Hey, Grandma,
can I talk to you for a minute?

Oh, sorry.

Didn't mean to interrupt your yoga.

Namaste.

Whatever.

Hey, Noodle. So what's up?

Grandma, I really want you to
come speak at my school tomorrow.

I thought we'd settled this.

Grandma Maya's doing it.

I know. But it wouldn't be
the same without you.

Syd, Grandma Maya is a federal judge

whose decisions
have changed the world.

And I gave driving tests at the DMV.

Exactly! You've changed
the world too.

-How?
-How?

How...

If you didn't give them
those licenses,

they'd probably be taking the bus.

Which would be better for the
environment. - Work with me, Grandma.

You're not leaving until
I agree to go, are you?

-Not a chance.
-(sighs) In that case...

How'd you like me to come
speak to your class?

Well, I'm not gonna pressure you.

Dinner is served.

Yum.

String cheese,

can of soup,

still in the can...

and four grapes.

You spoil me.

I wanted to roast you a nice chicken,

but somebody's out of rosemary.

Mom, I'm really sorry.

I know you've said a million times

not to skateboard in the house.

It's okay, Max.

Why aren't you yelling at me?

-Do you feel bad?
-Yes.

Then why waste my voice?

Because of me,
you can't throw your makeup party.

Hey!

What if Leo and I do it for you?

That's very sweet of you, Max.

But the two of you selling makeup?

I'd laugh, but it would hurt my neck.

(giggles)... Ow! I knew it.

And after my landmark
decision on women's rights,

Michelle Obama invited me
to the White House.

Class: Ooh!

-Yes?
-What was she wearing?

I don't think that's relevant, Emmy.

A blue suit with white piping,

hoop earrings, and gray suede pumps.

Does anybody else have
any other questions?

Mr. Tanaka, maybe
we should make sure

that we have time
for our other speaker.

Oh, right.

Let's thank Judge Carter.

-(applause)
-Thank you so much.

Thank you.

And now let's welcome
Ms. Judy Reynolds.

She's going to tell us
about her experience

at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Now, I know most of you have
probably heard your parents say

that the DMV is all about
lines and waiting.

But there's fun stuff, too.

Like... driving tests,
and written tests,

and vision tests, and...

Forget tests.

How do you feel about
filling out forms?

I know. Why don't we open
this up to questions?

Great idea, Syd.

Yes, young future driver?

Do you know Michelle Obama?

No.

But I did once give a driving test

to a Michelle O. Berama.

She was also the first lady...

to plow through a stop sign
on my watch. (Chuckles)

I can't look.

So, any other questions?
Fire away.

Anybody?

Anybody?

Hey, was that the bell?
Oh, darn.

I didn't hear any bell.

-(bell rings)
-Oh, thank goodness.

I'm so sorry, Grandma.

I had no idea she had
Michelle Obama up her sleeve.

Thanks, Noodle.
I know you meant well,

but this pretty much why
I didn't want to come.

(door opening)

Oh, hey. It's you.
I thought it was Grandma Maya.

So, how'd it go at school
with the grandmas?

A disaster.

Grandma Maya rocked it,

and Grandma Judy
was totally embarrassed.

It's all my fault.

I practically begged her to come.

Honey, why did you invite
Grandma Judy in the first place?

For some reason, I was thinking
that she was maybe feeling left out.

What?

Where in the world would you
ever get an idea like that?

I was eavesdropping on you
and heard her say it.

Yeah, that'll do it.

Look, honey, I'm sorry
Grandma Judy feels that way,

but it's not
your responsibility to fix it.

Being close with one grandma
doesn't take away

from your relationship
with the other.

Thanks, Dad.

-Will you tell that to Grandma Judy?
-Not a chance.

-Oh Max, about your dry cleaner...
-Oh, what?

Did they shrink something?
Did they overcharge you?

All right, fine.
I've never actually used them.

I just park in their lot
when I go to get donuts.

I was going to say
they did a great job.

Yeah. No, I knew they would.

Sydney, I was thinking.

How would you like to spend
your spring break with me in DC?

Seriously?

I would love that.
We could go to the Smithsonian,

the Lincoln Memorial,
the Washington Memorial,

all the memorials...

Then it's settled.

I can't wait.

I can't believe I'm going
to Washington!

Yeah, it sounds great.

But aren't you supposed
to spend spring break

glamping with Grandma Judy?

Oh, boy.

I was so excited, I totally forgot.

I really wanna go to Washington,

but how can I bail on Grandma Judy

when she's already feeling left out?

That's a tough one.

But whatever decision you make,

I'm sure it's the right one.

In other words, you don't know
what I should do, do you?

Not a clue.

Hi, Grandma Maya.

Sydney, just in time.

Care to join me for...
(in British accent): A spot of tea?

Thanks. Maybe later.

I want to talk to you
about spring break.

Yes, there are so many places
I want to show you.

I've got two senators just dying
to give us a tour of the Capitol.

One of them is gonna be
very disappointed.

Well, in that case,
maybe I shouldn't go.

(chuckles) Good one.

Sydney, I can't tell you
how much I've enjoyed

the time we've spent
together this trip.

I've never felt so close to you.

And the fact that
I'm going to have you

all to myself in DC for a whole week,

oh, it just makes my heart sing.

So...

any idea how you're gonna
let the other senator down?

Grandma?

-Grandma?
-(shrieks)

Sorry. I didn't mean
to scare you.

That's okay.
I was just working through some stuff

with my girl RiRi.

I need to talk to you
about something.

I have a feeling I know what it is.

I'm sorry I've been acting
kinda weird.

I guess I was feeling
a little left out

with Grandma Maya here.

You were? I had no idea.

I know. Its sounds silly,
but I'm over it.

You are? That's so great.

Yeah, because... You know,
Grandma Maya's only here for one week,

and I get you all year.

-That's right, so...
-And the best part?

I get you all to myself
for all of spring break.

Yes, you do!

What's going on?

I jumped out of the shower
when I got your text.

I only lathered and rinsed.

I didn't even get a chance to repeat!

Olive, I've got a big problem.

Each of my grandmas wants to take me

on a really amazing trip
for spring break.

Again, I... I got out
of the shower for this.

No. No, I don't know what to do.

Whatever I choose,
one of my grandma's

is gonna have her heart broken.

It's not fair.

I shouldn't have to choose
between grandmas.

You know what?
I'm not gonna choose.

I'm just gonna get them
all in a room together,

and tell them the truth,
no matter how ugly it gets.

Thanks, Olive. I don't know
what I'd do without you.

And here I was afraid I came
all this way for no reason.

I still have soap in my hair.

Leo! What's taking so long
with the refreshments?

Tea takes time, young man.

You realize if your mom finds out

we're throwing her makeup party,

she'll k*ll you.

And since she can't get out of bed,

she'll probably make me do it.

Not if we make enough money
to fix the pipes she won't.

(doorbell rings)

They're here. It's go time.

Wait!

Let's put on our Betty Sue smiles.

Hi, Reggie's mom,

Amy's mom,

Pete's mom,

Josh's mom,

Kyle's mom,

Kyle's stepmom.

Glad to see you two
are getting along.

Max, where is your mom?

She had a makeup emergency.

What's a makeup emergency?

It's personal... and beautiful.

But she was supposed
to give us makeovers.

Maybe we should come back
another time.

No, no, no.

-We can do it.
-You two?

Yes. His mom taught us
everything she knows.

She called me the Monet of mascara.

Mrs. Chavez,
why don't you have a seat?

Okay.

Let's start with...

this blush stick.

You just rub it in.

-Feel how wet it is?
-Yeah. That's what's
kind of worrying me.

Now, time for a little eye shadow.

(groans)

And... voilà!

(screams)

Oh!

I look like a clown painting
that was left in the rain.

You're welcome.

-Who's next?
-Not me.

I just remembered, I have to pick
up Reggie from soccer practice.

Fine. Whatever.

Say hi to Reggie for us.

I hope he's doing okay
after his breakup.

Reggie broke up with his girlfriend?

Wait. Reggie had a girlfriend?

He never tells me anything anymore.

Mrs. Chavez: Wait a minute.

Do you know anything about my Amy?

I'd love to discuss Amy.

And there's a lot to discuss.

But we have makeup to sell.

I will take all your mascara

if you give me all the gossip
on my daughter.

I'll buy everything
if you tell me why

Reggie has a drawer full
of pine cones and dental floss.

Reggie misses camp,
so the pine cones bring him back there.

And the dental floss?
That's a whole nother story.

Kyle's two moms?

Yeah, you might want to have a seat.

(whistling)

What's going on?
Am I in trouble?

Syd told us she needs to
speak to us about something.

Sydney, what's going on?

Well, I needed to talk to both of you

because I'm in a very
difficult situation.

Grandma Judy and I have plans to
go glamping over spring break.

You do?

But Grandma Maya wants me
to spend it with her in DC.

-You do?
-Now you see my dilemma.

Well, now, I don't see what the
problem is. It's an easy choice.

You need to go with
your Grandma Judy.

-She does?
-I do?

Of course!
You've already made your plans.

Wow, Maya. Thank you.
That is so generous.

Which is why she needs
to go with you.

-She does?
-I do?

Yes. She never gets to see you.

It would be an amazing opportunity.

No. I won't hear of it.

No. I won't hear of it!

-I won't hear of it, Judy.
-I won't hear of it.

Guys, guys, guys.

You're not helping.

You know what, Syd?
You're right.

-We're not helping.
-No, we're not.

Whatever decision you make
will be the right one.

You should never have
to choose between family.

That's right.

We are family.

In fact, I know what I'm gonna do.

What? What? I gotta know.

My decision is...

that Grandma Judy and I
will spend spring break

with Grandma Maya in DC.

Whoa. I did not see that coming.

What a k*ller idea.

I would love to party in DC.

Maybe snap a selfie on Lincoln's lap.

I am so glad we're gonna get
to spend time together in DC.

Because I have no idea
what glamping is.

Then it's settled.

Well, you guys have fun.

I'll just stay home
and hold down the fort.

-Dad, would like to come with?
-I would love to.

Bring it in.

Judy: I did it.

I finally made it downstairs.

It took me half an hour,
but I'm here.

Mom, I'm so glad
you're feeling better.

(groans)

I just wish I had the money
to fix these pipes.

Well, then I must be a genie

'cause your wish is my command.

The pipes are on us.

What's this?

We sold all your Betty Sue cosmetics.

We can't take all the credit.

The "Winter Magic" collection
sells itself.

You sold all my...?

Oh, my gosh.

That is the sweetest.

Oh, my makeup's gonna run.

We can help with that.

You get the blush,
I'll get the eye shadow.

Oh, yeah!