02x22 - No Children Allowed

[bunniefuu]

Aw, come on, sweetie, what's the
matter?

You've had your bottle.

There aren't any pins sticking in
you.

You're dry as a bone.

What's troubling you?

Lucy?

Lucy?

Lucy, what's the matter?

I don't know.

You mind if I try?

Be my guest.

Now, you just come on to your Aunt
Ethel.

You settle right dow...

What's that?

Mrs. Trumbull upstairs.

She's been doing that all night.

I guess she's mad because Ricky's
crying.

Oh, Mrs. Trumbull's such a sweet old
lady.

I can't imagine her getting that mad.

She must be hanging pictures.

On the floor?

Aw, now, don't you pay any attention
to that old crank.

You just settle down now

and stop your crying.

Hey, what's going on up here?

And what are you doing to my godson?

We're sticking pins in him.

Fred, we just can't get him to be
quiet.

Well, let me have him, Ethel.

What do you know about babies?

Be careful now.

Put your hand under his head.

I know, I know.
Now be careful, Fred.

Do you know how to hold him and
everything?

Put your hand under his head.
I know how to hold a baby.

Hi. Hi there, sunshine.

Hello there, sunshine.

You want to hear the mockingbird?

Hear the mockingbird?

Hmm?

See?

Well, anybody can make him stop
crying for a minute.

Just wait till you put him down.

Yeah.

Now, listen, little fella, we're
going to put you down

and you're going to be a great big,
brave boy

and not make another sound, and make
your Uncle Fred

proud of you.

Okeydokey?

Yeah, what a champ.

Nighty-night.

Just wait.

How'd he do that?

Beginner's luck.

Beginner's luck, nothing.

It's my phenomenal memory.

Memory?

Yeah. It's not generally known,

but I was a little bit of a baby boy
myself once.

You know, to look at him now,

it's hard to believe he was ever a
little baby anything.

Well, what's the difference?

The main thing is, Ricky's asleep.

Yeah.

Well, good night, honey.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Good night.

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Ricky, what's the matter with you?

Now look what you did.

You woke up the baby.

What you put the crib over here for?

What?

You shouldn't have put the crib over
here!

What's that?

The art gallery upstairs.

Huh?

Never mind. I'll explain it to you in
the morning.

Gee, I'm sorry I woke you up, old
man.

Now that you got him awake and
yelling,

what are you going to do about it?

Well, I apologized to him.

What else do you want me to do?

I want you to put him back to sleep,

that's what I want you to do.

Put him back to sleep?

Honey, I had a hard night.

I've been working.

What do you think I've been doing?

Well, honey, you're supposed to put
him to sleep,

and things like that-- you're his
mother.

Hey, I know.

Why don't you walk with him?

Well, there's a fresh, new idea.

Oh. You've been doing that.

Yeah.

Ricky, why don't you sing to him?

Oh, honey, please, not tonight.

I'm so tired.

Come on, honey.

Oh...

Rockaby baby on the treetop

When the wind blows, the cradle will
rock

All right! All right!
All right! All right!

All right! All right!
All right!

I give up! I give up!

Anything is better than that.

Come on, I'll do it.
I'll do it. I'll do it.

Oh, come on, boy. Come on. Come on,
sweetheart.

Come on.

Rockaby baby on the treetop

When the wind blows, the cradle will
rock

Da, da-da, dee-da, da, da-da dee...

Down will come baby, cradle and all

Rockaby baby on the treetop

When the wind blows, the cradle will
rock

Da, da-da, dee-da, dee da-da, da...

Hi.

Oh, hi, honey.

How's Little Ricky this morning?

Oh, fine. He slept the rest of the
night.

Where are you going all dressed up?

I'm going shopping.

I'm having a table of bridge
tomorrow.

You are? So am I.

Really?

Yeah. Why mess up both apartments?

Let's have them together.

Okay.

Let's have it up here,

and we'll have lunch first.
All right.

Both make half the sandwiches up.
Yep.

Will you bring your card table, your
teapot, and your cups?

How many cups?
Eight.

Eight cups. Okay, I'll bring 'em.

Who is that?

Oh. Mrs. Trumbull.

Mrs. Ricardo.

Well, Mrs. Mertz, I'm glad I found
you two together.

You are?

How are you, Mrs. Trumbull?

As well as could be expected after
two hours' sleep.

Oh, I'm sorry about that, Mrs.
Trumbull.

The baby was a little fussy.

He won't annoy you again.

No, I'm sure of that.

Perhaps you'll recall

this piece of paper, Mrs. Mertz.

Your lease?

Yes.

"It is expressly understood that at
no time will children

be allowed to live in said building."

Little Ricky.

He's a "children."

Since it says "no children" in plain
English,

what excuse is there for Mrs.
Ricardo's baby?

Uh... uh...

He can't read.

"He can't read."

Did the Ricardos sign a lease like
mine, or didn't they?

Of course they did,

but they didn't have a baby till ten
years later.

I'd expect them to do something
underhanded like that.

Aw, now, Mrs. Trumbull

can't you be a little more
understanding?

I understand only one thing--

either the Ricardos leave or I do.

Mrs. Trumbull, I'd rather you didn't
force me

to make that decision.

Oh, Ethel, wait a minute.
You can't afford

to have another vacant apartment.

Don't worry, Lucy, we can rent that
apartment

just like that.

And even if we couldn't, it wouldn't
matter

because my friendship with the
Ricardos

means more to me than all the money
on Earth.

I'm not the only tenant who feels
that way, Mrs. Mertz.

I advise you to think it over.

Well, I advise you to think it over.

Well!

Oh, Ethel, I can't let you do that.

You'll lose all your tenants.

We'll just have to move, that's all.

No, you're staying.

I won't let you out of your lease.

Oh, Ethel, you're just about the
swellest friend

a person ever had.

Now, Lucy, let's not talk about it.

If there's anything I can't stand,

it's somebody who does something nice
for somebody

and then talks about it all the time.

All right.
Just forget it, honey.

I'll see you later.
Okay.

So long.
Bye.

And then the old prune said,

"Either the Ricardos leave or I do."

And then Lucy said, "Wait a minute,
Ethel.

You can't afford to have another
vacant apartment."

And then what do you guess I said?

What?

What?

I was there.

Oh, yes.

Well, I said, "Don't worry, Lucy.

"We can rent that apartment just like
that.

"And even if we couldn't, it wouldn't
matter,

"because my friendship with the
Ricardos

means more to me than all the money
on Earth."

If I'd have been there, I'd have said
the same thing.

Gee.

And then she said,

"I'm not the only tenant who feels
this way.

I advise you to think it over."

And I said, "Well, I advise you to
think it over."

And then she flounced out of the
apartment.

Ethel, I think that you're just
wonderful.

Oh, it wasn't anything.

Let's not talk about it anymore.

Well, Lucy and I will never forget
it,

will we, honey?

No, no, we never will.

Well, come on, Fred.

We've got a big day tomorrow--
bridge, you know.

Bye.
Good night.

Bye, Lucy.
Good night.

Good night, Rick.
Good night.

Gee, honey, wasn't Ethel wonderful?

Yeah. Wonderful.

You don't sound very appreciative.

Oh, I am, I am.

In fact, I'm up to here with
appreciation.

Huh?

Well, it was nice of her, okay,

but all day long, she's been
reenacting her scene.

She told the mailman, the grocery
boy,

the cop on the b*at.

This afternoon, she came down to the
beauty parlor

while I was there and played a
matinee

for the manicurist.

Well, maybe she got it out of her
system by now.

I hope so.

Well, honey, it was nice.

Nice, yes, but Ethel acts as if she
discovered penicillin.

And then the old prune said,

"Either the Ricardos move, or I
move."

And then Lucy said, "Wait a minute,
Ethel.

You can't afford to have another
vacant apartment."

And then I said,

"Lucy, don't worry.

"We can rent that apartment just like
that,

"and even if we couldn't, it wouldn't
matter,

"because my friendship with the
Ricardos

means more to me than all the money
on Earth."

And then she said, "Well, I advi..."

Oh, hi!

Oh, that hat is adorable!

Yeah, how about that, huh?

Dorothy, come here.
I've got to tell you...

Oh, it's been very exciting around
here.

Wait'll you hear what happened
yesterday morning.

You know that old Mrs. Trumbull

that lives upstairs?

Well, she came down here this
morning...

Oh, too bad, honey, you're not going

to be able to finish your story.

The rest of the girls are here.

Oh, well, listen...

Oh, hi!

That is the cutest outfit!

How about that, huh?

...and then the old prune
said, "Either the Ricardos

leave this apartment, or I do."

Oh, off all the nerve.

Isn't that awful?

And then Lucy said, "Wait a minute,
Ethel,

you can't afford to have another
vacant apartment."

And then I said...

"Lucy, don't worry.
We can rent

"that apartment just like that, and
even

"if we couldn't, it wouldn't
matter...

"because my friendship with the
Ricardos

means more to me than all the money
on Earth."

Well!

I'm sorry, Ethel.

I just couldn't stand it any longer.

Oh. You don't care how many tenants I
lose,

but you get awfully excited

if I tell a couple of people about
it.

A couple of people?

Ethel, that scene has had more
performances than South Pacific.

Well!

That does it.

I'm leaving.

My half of the party come downstairs.

Go ahead! See if I care.

Come on, and bring that table-- it's
mine--

and all those dishes.

And I'll take the sandwiches I
brought up, too.

That's my sandwich.

Come on, girls.

Just a minute.

That is my tablecloth.

Oh, she makes me so mad...

Oh, she woke up the baby!

And keep that squalling brat quiet!

Oh!

Mrs. Ricardo,

I've been trying to make up this
afternoon

for the sleep I lost last night.

My nerves are almost gone.

I'd...

I...

If I hear that baby cry once more,

I'm going to send for the police.

The police?

I'll be there, honey.

Lucy, I'm home!

Lucy?

Shh! Ricky, you'll wake up the baby.

Mrs. Trumbull said if he annoyed her
one more time,

she was going to call the police.

What do I care what she says?

We got Ethel on our team.

You'd better consult your program.

There's been a last-minute change in
the lineup.

Huh? What are you talking about?

Ethel and I had a fight.

What?!

Well, I just couldn't stand it any
longer.

Tallulah Mertz played her big scene
three times

at the bridge game today.

Finally, I just started acting it out
with her.

Oh, Lucy, you didn't.

Well, she makes me so mad.

All right, honey, so she make you
mad,

but do you have to make a big fight
out of it

and lose your best friend?

That's the most childish thing

I've ever heard.

Well...

well, she did us a tremendous favor.

You don't know how a thing like that
can get on your nerves.

I do, too.

And I also know what you're going to
do right now.

What?
You're going to get on that phone,

call Ethel and apologize.

Apologize?!

Oh, no, I'm not.

Oh, yes, you are.

Oh, no, I'm not.

Oh, yes, you are.

I am not!

Hi.

How about some dinner?

Dinner?!

Yeah. I'm hungry.

Fred Mertz, do you mean to tell me

that you can even think of eating

after what happened to me this
afternoon?

Well, no, I can't, but my stomach
can.

Now, look, honey, you're making
entirely too much out of this.

Too much?!

Do you realize what happened to me up
there today?

We were having a perfectly nice
bridge luncheon

and I was telling the girls...

I know--

you told me, you told me.

That's the trouble with you--

you keep harping on things too much.

What?!
Now, now, now.

I won't say that Lucy was right,

but I'm getting tired of hearing that
story myself,

and I think the thing for you to do

is to go up there and apologize.

Apologize?!

Why?

Well, because it's your fault as much
as hers,

and because you'll never be happy

till you and Lucy make up,

and because I'm hungry.

Well...

maybe if she apologizes to me first,

why, then maybe I'll apologize to
her.

Well, that's better.

Now come on.

Don't push me!

Lucy, for the last time,

are you going to get on that phone
and call Ethel?

No!

All right, then you're going to go

right downstairs and apologize.
Come on.

No. Now, Ricky, stop.
Come on.

Lucy...

I apologize.

Ethel?

So do I.

You really mean it?

Yes, I really do.

Do you?

Yes, I do, Ethel.

Oh, I'm sorry, Lucy.

So am I.

Okay, let's eat.

Yeah, come on, let's eat.

Okay. What say we all eat up here
together?

Fine. Let's eat here, fine.

Wonderful. I'll fix something.

All right, go ahead.
Cook the dinner.

Fine, fine.

Good deal.

Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.

What a pair.

Yeah.

You know, they'd die without each
other.

Yeah, you know something?

Lucy was right.

No. Ethel was right.

Listen, listen, Ethel was harping on
that story

till even I was sick.

Well... I guess Ethel has the habit

of staying on a subject until it gets
sickening.

What do you mean, "sickening"?

Well, you know what I mean, Fred.

You just said yourself

that sometimes you get sick of her.

Well, I'm supposed to get sick of
her.

She's my wife.

Well, you don't have to get upset
about it, Fred.

I was just agreeing with you.

Well, agree with me

without making cracks about Ethel.

Well, I'm sorry, Fred.

You don't see me taking potshots at
Lucy,

although heaven knows I'm loaded with
amm*nit*on.

And what do you mean by that?

I mean I'd rather be married

to a blabbermouth than an ingrate.

Ingrate?!

You don't even know what it means.

It doesn't matter.

I don't like the way you looked when
you said that.

Ingrate!

Tu lo que un viejo muy atrevido,

muy bruto y muy sinverguenza!

Oh, now, listen, you Cuban crumb!

Oh, I'd better get out of here

before I bust your nose.

Yeah, well, I'd like to see you try
it!

Break you in pieces!

You and who else?!

I'll m*ssacre you!

They're fighting!

What about?

Mrs. Ricardo.

Mrs. Ricardo!

Mrs. Ricardo!

Come on now.
Come on now, then.

Go ahead now, Fred, apologize.

Tell Fred you're sorry, Ricky.

Oh...

Why don't you apologize together?

Look, now you say

"I'm sorry, Fred,"

and you say, "I'm sorry, Ricky."

Now, I'll conduct.

One, two, three.

I'm sorry, Ricky.
I'm sorry, Fred.

There you are!

You see?

That wasn't so hard.

I'm glad that's over.

I didn't mean it

when I called you a Cuban crumb.

That's all right, Fred.

I didn't mean it when I called you

un viejo sinverguenza, atrevido y
bruto.

Yeah, that's all right, too, but what
does it mean?

If I told you,

we'd start fighting all over again.

You know, for four grown-up people,

we've been acting pretty childish.

Yeah, we're bigger babies than Little
Ricky.

Little Ricky!

We left him alone!

Oh, no!

Oh, thank goodness he isn't crying.

Shh, shh.

Mrs. Trumbull!

Mrs. Ricardo, you should be ashamed
of yourself--

running off and leaving this poor,
little child alone.

Don't you worry, dear.

You'll always have me around

to see that nobody leaves you alone
again.