04x13 - California, Here We Come!

[bunniefuu]

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

Hi.

Hi, girl.

I brought your mail.

Oh, thanks.

What are you doing?

I'm figuring out the route

we're going to take to California.

Oh, good.

I've got the list of all the places

that each of us wants to see.

Now, Ricky wants to see New Orleans
and the Rockies,

and Fred wants to go to Cincinnati
and Niagara Falls.

And I want to see the Ozark Mountains

and the Carlsbad Caverns.

I know, and we all want to see the
Grand Canyon

and Fred says we must not miss Salt
Lake City.

Believe me, it's taken some brainwork

to figure out an itinerary that'll
please everyone.

It's impossible.

No, no, it's not impossible.

Just takes a little sensible
planning.

See?

Well, the only thing is,

we have to go through New York three
times

on the way to Chicago.

Oh, fine.

Well, we'll just have to fight that
out on the road.

Yeah, I guess so.

Want to see your mail?

Oh, yeah. Anything interesting?

Two bills and an ad

and a letter from your mother.

Oh, what did she say?

Now, Lucy, you know I never read your
mail.

(snorts derisively)

Only postcards

and everybody knows they're fair
game.

Besides, your mother's letter came to
me.

Oh, sure.

It did. She enclosed it in a letter
she wrote to me.

"Dear Ethel: I lost Lucy's address

"and couldn't find it

"in the New York phone book.

"There are so many Richardsons
listed."

Richardson?

She never remembers Ricky's last
name.

Well, that isn't even close.

Yeah, but she's getting better.

She refused to admit I was married at
all

until after the baby came.

Oh, Lucy...

(chuckling)

Um... "I was able to find your
address

"and as you live in the same
building,

"I wonder if it would be too much
trouble

for you to give the enclosed letter
to her."

(sardonic chuckle)

She really figures things out,

bless her little birdbrain.

Well, like mother, like... uh...

Oh, uh...

What does your letter say?

"Dear Lucy: How are you and Micky?"

Micky.

"I couldn't find your address,

"so I'm sending this letter to Ethel
Mertz.

"If you don't get it, please let me
know

as I have made a copy of it."

Well, that's good thinking.

"The copy is enclosed."

"As a matter of fact, if you have
read this far,

"you must have received this letter,

so tear up the copy and thank Ethel
for me."

Thank you.

Oh, it was nothing.

"After hearing the good news about
you going west,

"I got to thinking how I've never
been any further west

than Youngstown, Ohio..." Oh, no!

"And this seems like a golden
opportunity

for me to get to California."

Oh, just wait till Micky Richardson
hears about this.

Well, you'll just have to stop her.

Too late. Listen to this:

"I rented my house to a lovely
couple,

"and I bought a whole new wardrobe
for the trip.

"Sorry I didn't tell you I was going
with you sooner,

"but you know how it is when you're
planning a long trip:

"Some little detail is liable to slip
your mind.

I remain sincerely yours, Mrs.
McGillicuddy."

Mrs. McGillicuddy?

That's kind of formal, isn't it?

Well, sometimes she forgets who she's
writing to.

Well, what are you going to do?

Well...

there's just one thing to do.

What?

I'll say "Ricky, my mother is going
to California with us"

and then I'll jump out the window.

Now, there, for a minute,

you were commencing to sound like a
real wife.

What do you mean?

Well, I like that feeling when you
said,

"Ricky, my mother is going to
California with us."

Oh, I like that feeling, too.

It's what comes after that scares me.

Now, you might be surprised at what
would happen

if you took a real firm stand with
Ricky.

You think so?

Sure. Look at the way I handle Fred.

Yeah, but you can lick Fred.

Oh...

You know...

maybe you got something there, Ethel.

Sure.

I'm not going to have my mother
embarrassed.

I've got just as many rights around
here as he has.

Now you're talking.

I'm going to say "Ricky, my mother is
going

to California with us and that's
that!"

Good girl.

That's just what I'll tell him.

On the phone.

Now, you've got to face him
eventually.

Well, this will sort of give me a
head start.

Hello, Ricky. I got a letter from my
mother today,

and she's going to California with us
and that's that!

And I don't want any argument about
it!

Hello, Ricky. I got a letter from
Mother today, dear.

What are you doing?

The line's busy.
I was just practicing.

Oh, fine.

But I think you're right.

The thing to do is be firm.

Hello, Ricky. I got a letter from
mother today

and she's going to California with us

and that's that!

And I don't want any argument.

What?! Do you hear me?!

Oh!

(yelling in Spanish)

(Ricky and Lucy arguing loudly)

LUCY: ...don't get excited.

Now, please.
Ricky, please, now...

(yelling)

Mother!

(yelling stops)

Well!

I told you, dear, long before you
ever got married...

Well, uh, uh, it's not what you
think, Mother.

Uh, uh, Ricky and I were just
rehearsing a... a scene

from the picture that he's going to
do out in Hollywood.

Weren't we, dear?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Mother we were rehearsing, a
scene, that's right.

Now, you were very good, sweetie.

Thank you.

Mother, it's so good to see you.

Oh, thank you, dear.

Isn't it good to see mother, dear?

Yes, yes.

Mother?

You don't understand any Spanish, do
you?

Not a word.

Good.

Pick up Mother's bags, dear.

Oh, yes, sure.

Excuse me.

Thank you, Micky.

You're welcome.

Mother, you must be tired.

Why don't you sit down.

How's everything in Jamestown?

Oh, just wonderful.

Have you seen Marian von Black?

Oh, they moved way up on the Old Hunt
Road.

No kidding. Mother, why didn't you
call us from the station?

We would have picked you up.

Oh, that's all right, dear.
I took the bus.

It let me off right in front of the
door.

Oh.

Wait a minute. The bus doesn't come
down this street.

That's what the bus driver tried to
tell me.

He was so ridiculous.

Well, it was only two blocks out of
his way,

and all he had to do was turn the
steering wheel.

Do you mean to tell me, you got the
bus driver

to leave his route and bring you
right to our door?

I made a bargain with him.

He promised to bring me here

and I promised never to ride on a New
York bus again.

I think he made a fine deal for
himself.

MOTHER: Well, Micky...

I bet you were surprised when Lucy
told you

I was going to Hollywood with you.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, I was very surprised.

Oh, you know, dear,

I hated to give up my club
activities--

I'm chairman of the bazaar this
year--

and leave my friends, but I figured

this was my chance to take it to them
in person.

What was that?

What?

Take what to them in person?

My book.

Oh, didn't I tell you?

I wrote a book.

You?

Yes.

You didn't think I could write, did
you?

No. I didn't even know that you could
re...

Ricky!

Well, Mother,

what is your book about?

It's the story of our family.

Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.

Oh, it should make a wonderful
picture.

Yeah, yeah, those screwball comedies
are very successful.

Uh, Mother, I wouldn't count too much

on selling your book out there, you
know.

They have an awful lot of material
floating around.

Oh, ordinarily, yes,

but now that Micky is a star,

he can take my book right to Dore
Schary.

Uh, Lucy, dear.

What?

I would like to rehearse

that scene again.

Would you step in the next room with
me?

No, not now, dear.

Yeah, now!

No, I want to talk to mother.

I'm so glad to see you, Mother.

It's been such a long time.

Come on in the kitchen.

We'll have a nice, long talk.

Real long one; maybe three days or
so.

Pardon us, dear.

There he is. Now, that's Grandma's
little darling.

Oh, come on, dear, now we're going to
market.

Now, you be a good boy and mind
Grandma, you hear?

Mother, please, no c-a-n-d-y.

Oh, all right, all right.

Here we go.

Bye-bye.

Lucy?

What?

Now that we're alone, I'd like to
speak to you.

Uh, well, I have some packing to do,
dear.

We can talk later.

When?

Well, when we get out to California.

Lucy, I want to speak to you

and I want to speak to you now.

Now, look, I'm not gonna drive ,
miles

in the same car with you mother.

Do you think three shirts

will be enough for you, dear?

'Course not, I need at least a doz...

Never mind trying to get me off
track.

I don't like the way things are
developing around here.

I get a part in a picture.

It's all very simple.

You and I

and little Ricky...

Lucy?

...are going to go to Hollywood.

And then all of a sudden,

everybody that we've ever known is
coming along with us!

Oh, they are not.

They are, too!

Why couldn't we go alone?

Now, first you talked the Mertzes
into horning in.

LUCY: I did not.

That was their own idea.

Well, they're tagging along now
anyway.

And to top it off,

you wanted to take your mother along,
too.

Now, Ricky, don't get all excited.

Just be sensible.

I'm not gonna tell my mother she
can't go

when it means so much to her.

Well, somebody's got to tell her.

Well, you tell her!

All right, I'll tell her.

Don't you dare!

And that's that!

What's that?

She's going-- that's what's that!

(slamming)

(doorbell buzzing)

Oh, hi, come on in.

Why so formal?

That's the first time you've rung the
bell in years.

RICKY: Hi!

What's the matter?

We have something to tell you.

Yeah.

LUCY: What?

We can't go on your trip.

What? What?!

What are you talking about?

We're not going to California,

that's what we're talking about.

But why?

Well, we just changed our mind.

We don't feel like going anymore,
that's all.

But what happened?

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

You two act like you were sore at
something.

Us? Sore?

(laughs weakly)

Come on, honeybunch.

Now, wait a minute, you two.

What is the matter?

Nothing's the matter.

Go ahead and have a nice trip.

And don't forget to drop a postcard

to Mr. And Mrs.
Fred Horn-in-ski

or, as we are more commonly known,
the Tagalong Mertzes!

Bon voyage!

Well, I hope you're satisfied.

Me? What did I do?

Ethel heard you!

How could she have heard me?!

How could she help hearing you

with your big mouth and her big
ears?!

Now, look, I'm not going to take the
rap for this.

I wanted the Mertzes along.

You know that.

This whole thing wouldn't have
happened

if you hadn't insisted to bring your
mother along, too.

Honestly, your mother is the most...

Hello, mother!

(Little Ricky fussing)

Oh, darling...

Oh, Mother, I told you not to give
him any candy.

Oh, is that what you spelled out?

Oh... Oh, now,

one little lollipop won't hurt him.

And grandma knows what's best for
him, doesn't she?

You'd better put him down for his
nap.

Okay, dear.

Oh, dear.

(Little Ricky crying)

Who are you calling now?

Ethel.

Oh.

Hello, Ethel.

Ethel, listen to me.

Ethel, listen!

Now, you know Ricky didn't mean that.

You know how he is when he gets
excited.

Now, listen, if I'd taken half the
things

he said to me seriously, I'd have
left him long ago.

(click)
What? Hello?

Hello?

She hung up.

Well, I don't blame her.

Lucy? Micky?

I want to speak to you about
something.

What is it, Mother?

I didn't say anything in front of the
baby

because little pitchers have big
ears.

I ran into the Mertzes in the hall.

Yes?

They told me they're not going to
California and I know why.

You do?

Yes. It's because of me.

Now, just a minute, Mother.

It has nothing to do with you.

Oh, yes, it has.

Everything was all right until I
decided to go.

I'm the fly in the ointment.

Well, I'm not going.

You are, too.

Oh, no, I'm not.

Ricky...

Well, honey, she's made up her mind.

You tell my mother she has got to go.

Honey, you don't want to force her.

That would make her unhappy.

All right, let me tell you something.

If Mother isn't going, I'm not going.

All right, then let me tell you
something.

If you're not going, I'm not going.

Okay.

Okay.

(knock at door)

May we come in again?

Why not?

We got to talking it over

and we decided we acted pretty
childish.

Yeah, we cooled off.

We realize that Ricky said what he
did

because he was a little upset about
your, uh...

But, anyway, he didn't mean it.

So, we're going to go on the trip
after all.

Well, I hope you have a good time.

Send us a postcard when you get out
there.

What do you mean?

Nobody's going.

What's she talking about?

We had a beef.

The trip has been called off.

And it's all my fault.

I realized that you weren't going
because of me, so I...

Oh, no, honey, that wasn't it at all.

We had a little misunderstanding

and we just decided to forget it,

so now we're going.

Are you sure?

ETHEL: Sure.

Well, I wasn't going to go

because you weren't going to if I was
going.

But if you're going when I'm going,

I might as well go.

What did she say?

I don't know, but I think she's going
to go.

Of course she is.

And I wasn't going because she wasn't
going.

But if she's going, I might as well
go.

So, now everybody's going except,
uh...

I'm out of the mood.

You four take the trip.

Now, Ricky, if you're not going, I'm
not going.

But if Lucy's not going, I certainly
am not going.

Well, if you three aren't going, we
certainly can't...

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Oh, what a bunch of characters I'm
mixed up with.

Look, I'm going, everybody's going,

Mother's going, everything's fine.

Now, the only thing I insist on is an
early start.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, please pack all your things up
tonight.

We're going to leave at : a.m. in
the morning.

(chatting excitedly)

Room for all these, Rick?

Oh, yeah. It's like a dance hall in
here.

Here, give me those.

(grunting)

This is all the heavy stuff.

The girls are bringing down some odds
and ends later.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah.

There we go.

Fine.

See?
Yeah, easy.

How about that, huh?

Yeah, how about that?

Well, you can always tie a rope on it

and drag it along behind.

No, we got plenty of room.

Yeah, put it over there.

I'll just take a couple of these ones
out of there

and put it in this.

Now what happens?

Well, I think if I put this one
first,

it'll work out right.

Why you put this in here for?

I didn't put it in.

I did, dear.

I was just trying to help.

Oh. Well, look, honey, whatever you
got left up there,

just put it on the sidewalk

and then when we're ready for you,
we'll fit it in, see?

Okay. Oh, listen, Mother made
sandwiches

so we won't have to stop for lunch.

Good! Well, thanks.

: . We're four hours late already.

Yeah.

I'll get them all out of here.

All right.
All right.

You can put them down there.

Okay. Do you think this will be
enough lunch?

Yes.

This is a heavy one.

Be careful with that. Yeah.

I'm going to get in here, Fred, and
you hand them to me. See...

All right.

Okay? What do you want first?

Give me that big one, Fred.

Yeah. This?

I got it. It's heavy.

FRED: This one?

Yeah. That's it.

This is heavy, too.

Careful with that.

RICKY: Give me another one.
That one right there.

Now what, the fat one?

Yeah. Let's try the fat one there.

And I'll put this...

Watch-- now try it.

Back in here, see?

FRED: Now, what about this?

(Ricky murmuring)

That's it.

That one...

Got it?

Yeah.

Now, here's a little one, makeup kit.

No spot for that?

No. I got to take this one out.

Turn that around the other way.

That way.

Next.
Up with that.

This one?

Now.

That little one will now fit in
there.

Is that it?

Yeah, that's done it.

There.

(exhaling)

Okay.
Ay-ay-ay.

(sighing)

There we are.
Isn't that great?

Yeah.

Ahh!

What's all this junk?

Are they crazy or something?

Oh...

Oh, no...

Lucy, what's all this junk?

Junk? This is all necessary stuff.

ETHEL: Well, that's it, that's all.

Well, we can't take all this stuff.

We-we haven't got any more room.

Well, make room!

It's impossible.

What do we do with it?

Well, we'll have to live it here,
that's all.

"Live" it here?
We need all this.

(all talking over each other)

(whistling)

Wait a minute, will you?

Now, I've been sizing this up

and I think if we pack it all just
right, we can make it.

That's ridiculous.

Why don't you let me try?

Let him try.

Okay, try.

Now, Ricky, you go down in the
basement

and bring me a nice piece of good,
strong rope.

Okay, I'll get you the rope.

What do you want us to do, Fred?

Go on back in the house and relax,
sit down!

Get out of here!

Okay.

Give me that, will you? Give me that!

Give me that.

Put that...

Go on, get out of here!

Go on with the rest of them!

All right, this was quite a job,

but I know how to pack this kind of
stuff.

There it is.

Well... now I've seen everything.

What's wrong with it?

Well, for one thing,

I can't see where I'm going.

Oh, no, no. I figured that out, too.

I left you a nice driving view

right down through the middle here.

Honestly, I could have loaded it
better

with a pitchfork.

Our nice Pontiac.

It looks like a laundry wagon.

Yeah, well, you got to admit, I got
everything in.

Well, where are we going?

(all complaining)

FRED: Get in there. There's plenty of
room in there for...

This is the most ridiculous thing
I've...

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Wait a minute, everybody.

Listen to me.

Did it ever occur to any of us

that we could send this stuff on
ahead?

Of course!

What a bunch of jugheads we are!

Sure, we'll be on the road two weeks.

It'll get there before we do.

Oh, dear, are we really going to be
driving

for two whole weeks?

Well, of course, Mother.

It's , miles,

and we're taking all those little
side trips.

Well, in that case, there's something
you ought to know.

What?

I get carsick.

That's all, brother.

That's all.

Oh, Mother, not in this car, you
won't.

This, this rides like a dream.

ETHEL: Oh, no, it wouldn't happen in
this car.

Well, I had no idea it would take two
weeks.

It didn't look that far on the map.

Oh, mother...

I think I'll go by plane.

Good!

And I think little Ricky should go
with me.

The baby?

Gee, two weeks is a long time on the
road, Ethel.

Yeah.

Uh, it doesn't cost hardly anything

to send the baby on the plane.

What do you think, Ricky?

I think it's a wonderful idea.

I do, too. I think that's great.

Yeah, you take him on the plane.

Okay, let's repack the car, huh?

Oh, now, just when I got everything
all set!

All set for what?!

You couldn't even get through the
Holland Tunnel

with this mess that you got here!

You'd better take this slow while...

Pull it all apart...

Well, you guys, I just brought you

some little goodies to take along
with you.

Oh, I'm certainly gonna miss you.

Thank you, Mrs. Trumbull.

Thank you very, very much.

Isn't that dandy?

Yeah.

Well, let's at least try to get out
of here

before it gets dark.

Well, Rick, you said...

You said you wanted to leave around
: ,

and I think we can just about make
it.

Yeah.

Now, Mother, you remember,

if you have any trouble getting him
to sleep,

just sing to him in Spanish, huh?

I don't know any Spanish.

Oh, well, play one of Ricky's
records.

Okay, here we go.

LUCY: Okay, good-bye.

Bye.
Bye.

LUCY: Good-bye, Mrs. Trumbull.

Don't forget to collect all the rents

on the first of the month.

No, I won't.

And no matter how much they pound on
the pipes,

don't give them any more heat.

No, don't worry.
Okay, here we go!

I'll take care of everything.

Here we go!

Wait a minute, honey.

Let me kiss the baby once more.
All right.

Good-bye, sweetheart.

Bye-bye, darling.

Have a nice time.
Bye-bye.

Good-bye, Lucy!

Good-bye, Micky.

(all calling out farewells)

Bye!

Good-bye, son!

ETHEL: Bye, honey.

Bye, darling.

RICKY: Good-bye!

LUCY: Bye!

RICKY: Bye, son! Take care!

RICKY: Bye!

ETHEL: Bye-bye! Let's go!

(up-tempo music playing)

California, here I come

Right back where I started from

Where bowers of flowers bloom in the
sun

(Jolson-like): Yeah!

Each morning at dawning, birdies sing
at everything

A sun-kissed miss said, "Don't be
late!"

That's why I can hardly wait

Open up that Golden Gate, California,
here I come

Sing it, Freddy.

California, here I come

(Jolson-like): Yeah!

Right back where I started from

Sing it, Daddy.

Where bowers of flowers bloom in the
sun

Each morning at dawning, birdies sing
at everything

Tell it.

A sun-kissed miss said, "Don't be
late!"

Don't be late?
That's why I can hardly wait

Open up! Open up! Open up!
Open up that Golden Gate

California here I

(off key): come! come!

ANNOUNCER: Next week I Love Lucy

will be brought to you by Procter &
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makers of Cheer.

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

Mrs. McGillicuddy was played by
Kathryn Card.

Mrs. Trumbull was Elizabeth
Patterson.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
time.