04x02 - Not the plan

[bunniefuu]

SAUNDERS: If I thought
we could get a conviction,

it would be different.

But I am worried about having
enough evidence in this case.

Previously on
"A Million Little Things"...

From now on, I go where you go.

GOODMAN: We would like to
invite you to be the guest host

while we look for Dr. Stacy's
permanent replacement.

Thank you for letting me be your Regina.

You've affected me so deeply.

We've had to shut our doors,

but our restaurant will be
back, in some way, someday.

EDDIE: This is an agreement

for us to have joint custody of Theo.

I got a call from the person who hit me.

I just don't want you to
do something you'll regret.

MAGGIE: Did he touch you?

No. He just touched himself.

Sophie's decided to
go to the police today.

I told him how much
she needed this program,

and he never would have known any
of that if it wasn't for me.

Anybody see you?

No.

PETER: Please!

♪♪

[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]

♪♪

Can I help you?

My name's Gary.

I'm Sophie's...

Her mom left her with me
when she went to France.

So when Peter did what he did...

♪♪

... that was on my watch.

♪♪

Now, I know that
he hurt your family, too.

Your daughter.

So, are we gonna let
him get away with it?

♪♪

DARCY: Gary?

- There you are.
- Seems a little formal

to wash my car, but alright.

Ha-ha, very funny.
The reason I am wearing this

is because the Realtor called.

- We need to go to Lenox.
- Mm.

Turns out, the owner loved
your heartwarming letter.

Mm!

Knew it!

Why didn't I get into
letters instead of numbers?

But we got to get out there today.

She's got two other offers already.

Neither as charming as me.

[SNIFFS, HOCKS]

[SPITS]

Wait a second.

Don't you have a playdate scheduled

with Theo and Katherine and Liam?

Already canceled,

and we can go right after
my session with Eddie.

Oh, Eddie can take a day off.

His upper body's giving me FOMO.

I know, but I am introducing
him to his new trainer, Russ,

and I want to make sure
that meeting goes well.

And speaking of great first impressions,

apparently, the owner
is gonna be there today.

So we really need to
live up to your letter.

Why do you think I'm wearing deodorant?

Hey, if I have to play
the cancer card, I will,

and if I really have to,
I'll show her my one nip.

See, that's what I'm talking
about. No nipple jokes, 'kay?

Fine. I'll cut 'em out.

- Just like they cut out my ni...
- Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.

Sorry, I'm just getting
it out of my system.

- We're very charming, the two of us.
- I know.

Not you and me...

me and my nip.

♪♪

And then just off the top of
the hour, you do your opening

and start taking live
calls for minutes.

Then you'll do some -second ads

and come back for
your -minute segment.

Hello. It's nice to
meet you in person, too.

I know... I'm shorter
than I look on Zoom.

- I get it all the time.
- Me too.

- Sorry. Hi.
- Hi.

And then at the half-hour,

we throw to Nick for
traffic and weather,

and then we do the whole
thing all over again.

Got it. I better caffeinate.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

I know taking on an entire show's a lot.

Are you nervous?

Um, more excited, you know?

I have this huge opportunity
every day for the next two weeks

to show thousands of Bostonians

that asking for help isn't scary.

It's probably more like a million.

Some people say they pick up our station

all the way up in Nova Scotia.

[WHIMPERS]

Remember a few seconds ago

when I lied about not being nervous?

You're gonna be great.

And can I just say thank you?

After five years, Dr. Stacy never saw me

as more than her assistant.

But now, thanks to you, I'm a producer.

I will not let you down.

What's going on here?

Oh. Hi. I'm Maggie.

- I'm the new doc...
- That's mine.

Oh. Uh, sor... I thought it
was a-a communal situation.

And which is the mug you brought in?

[SIGHS] Uh, I-I didn't catch your name.

I'm Nick. Traffic and weather
on the hour and the half.

Let's go over some ground rules.

BYOM. You got it.

It's "Bring Your Own M-Mug."

Please direct your attention
to the coffee station.

You'll notice a laminated rules list.

It's next to the laminated directions

on how to properly load the dishwasher.

Yeah, see that. I'm gonna...

That's smart. I'll look at all those...

There's a label maker in
the cabinet above the cups.

There it is!

Labeled "Label Maker." That's meta.

But you might want to
take a look at your mug,

'cause it says, "Don't
sweat the small stuff."

I don't sweat the small stuff.

♪♪

As I was saying, I
will not let you down...

starting now.

Oh, the studio. Let me show you.

[SIGHS]

And every time another
innocent Black person is k*lled,

that armor gets heavier and heavier.

But I've seen what can happen
if we just keep showing up.

♪♪

- Black lives matter!
- Black lives matter!

♪♪

Things can change.

So... what do you think?

[SIGHS] It's amazing, Rome.

It's exactly what the
world needs right now.

Well, in that case,
Shanice, can you, uh,

quickly become an agent?
'Cause I have a feeling

that my agent's gonna tell me
it's not good enough to sell.

Thank you for making
the time, seriously.

Mm, please.

It's a perfect way to
spend my day off from set.

So much better than being
stuck in yet another hotel room

living off of room service.

Oh, that sounds like hell.

It is.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Although I'm not sure Kiana
can tell the difference.

I brought her to Boston with me
while I'm sh**ting this movie,

but I think she's seen more

of the city she's
building on "Minecraft."

My friend's son Theo is exact same way.

Caught him trading candy
for screen time. True story.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[SIGHING]

- REGINA: Hey, babe.
- Hey, how'd the interview go?

[SCOFFS]

Rome told me about the restaurant.

Honey, I am so sorry.

Mm, thank you.

And thanks again for giving us
that shout-out on social media.

It bought us a couple more months.

Our waiter, Teddy, burst into tears

when he found out you did that.

- Though he cried most days.
- [BOTH LAUGH]

Well, I wish I could have done more.

That's okay. Here I am, fresh
off an interview for head chef

at Crocodilze... And
that is with a "Z"...

With over locations
between here and Albuquerque.

H-Hey, one of those locations is
where I spent my th birthday.

In fact, Crocodile Keith

delivered my cake to me personally.

Well, that's exactly what you want

when you're going
through puberty, right?

You want a restaurant full
of people staring at you

while you're being serenaded to
by a grown man in a lizard suit.

Here comes the pathetic part.

I don't think they're
gonna offer me the job.

- You don't know that.
- But I do,

because I said something
stupid about improving the menu,

and when I left, they
said, "We'll be in touch.

What's your e-mail again?"

- Ooh.
- Yeah.

No one gets the "you're
hired" over e-mail.

Mm. But maybe it's for the best.

I mean, I can't work in a restaurant

where, when the host
seats you, they say...

- "See your waiter, alligator."
- "See your waiter, alligator."

You know what's crazy about that is,

an alligator ain't even the
same thing as a crocodile,

which they should
know... It's their mascot.

[LAUGHTER]

Well, I'm gonna go change.

I can't believe I wore a dress for that.

A cute dress with pockets.

Ah, apparently I'm not the only
one who could use a day off.

♪♪

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

♪♪

MAN: Hey, we need you on the register.

- WOMAN: Okay.
- Attention, Halpert's customers...

[INHALES SHARPLY]

Halpert's.

♪♪

[CELLPHONE VIBRATING]

[CELLPHONE BEEPS]

Hello?

Where are you?

Uh...

I'm, uh, running errands. Why?

We have a session today,
remember? With Russ?

Ah, I'm sorry. I forgot.

I lost track of time.
I'll be right there.

Hey. What's your day look like?

Well, Darcy and Liam
canceled our playdate.

And they're moving out of town,

so now I'm forced to face my worst fear,

something that I've successfully avoided

for the last ten years...

Making new friends.

Well, I think I can help you out.

[CHUCKLES] You really think

you can sustain three
hours of enthusiasm

for Theo's Hogwarts Express Lego set?

Actually, yes.

[CHUCKLES]

Aw, sweet.

But I do have a friend in town
with her -year-old daughter

who desperately needs
a break from screen time.

Boom, done!

Tell them to swing by
whenever. She can just text me.

Oh, one more thing... That
friend is Shanice Williamson.

You know, the actress?

Who was gonna play Regina in my movie?

Yeah, I-I-I know who
Shanice Williamson is.

She wants to...

She wants to have a playdate with us?

- Mm-hmm.
- Will she be staying,

or is this like a... is this
like a drop-off situation?

Um, it doesn't matter.
I'll plan for both.

Uh, what d... What does she eat?

I mean, uh, w-w-what should I wear?

Just be yourself. You will have fun.

"Be myself." Rome, [SCOFFS]
that's a recipe for disaster.

I gotta go.

[GASPS] Great! You
are perfectly dressed!

Let's go!

Where am I going that
requires sweatpants?

Indoor skydiving.
Remember that gift card

your mom gave us for our anniversary?

Oh, the one she re-gifted us?

Yeah, I do.

Wait, you really wanna do that?

You know, come on.

You and me, we just need a day

of having fun and laughing
at whatever happens.

And in this case, it'll be you
being shoved into a giant tube

while an oversized fan
blows you up from the bottom.

So you might want to tighten
the drawstring on those pants.

Come on, come on, come on.
Adventure time.

Come on, let's do it! Let's do it!

- I'm coming. I'm coming.
- Come on. Let's go.

GARY: Alright, dude! Here we go!

One-time it!

Boom! Boo-yah!

Dude, you keep that up,
you're gonna have to go pro.

You know that? Forget about
your mom and I buying a house.

You'll be rich enough to buy it for us.

[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]

Alright. How you feeling
about this move, dude?

All my friends are here.

I don't know anyone in Lenox.

You know me. I'm taller
than all your friends,

and I make more money. Ask anybody.

Look, I know how you feel.

I gotta leave all my peeps, too,

which is why you and I have to
have each other's backs, right?

Yeah, I guess.

Alright, give me one more good one.

Let's go. This is the game-winner.

Everything's on the line! One time!

♪♪

I'll tell you what.

Go get us a couple drinks
from that truck, alright?

First rule on the way to
the hockey hall of fame

is that you gotta replenish
those electrolytes.

- LIAM: Got it. Be right back.
- Alright?

Gary Mendez, right?

We met the other day
at the police station.

You picked a fight with our garbage can.

Yeah.

Sorry about that.

You didn't have to follow
me all the way out here.

I could have just Venmo'd you.

Peter Benoit is in a coma.

Yeah, I heard.

Can't say I'm too broken up about it.

Well, you were pretty upset
the other day at the station.

Next day, this guy's in the hospital.

You mind if I ask you where
you were Tuesday night?

Not at all. I was with my dad.

What time did you leave there?

Oh, must have been about : .

It was during Kimmel's
opening monologue,

which is why my pop
only gave me half a hug.

I'm his second-favorite
guy with a beard.

So, you weren't at Peter's house?

I don't even know where that guy lives.

Oh, uh, I just, uh, drove by your condo.

There's a "For Sale" sign out front.

Yeah, my girlfriend got
transferred to Lenox.

Berkshires.

Nice escape from the big city.

Listen, man, if you think I did
this, just call my dad, okay?

I was with him all night.
We watched, uh, "Wheel of Fortune,"

a little "Jeopardy!",
played some online poker.

Ah, I don't need to call
him. I'm sure you were.

You understand I'm
just covering the bases.

Eventually, this guy's gonna wake up,

and when he does, he can
tell us himself what happened.

And if he doesn't wake up, well,

that just makes things
a lot more complicated.

♪♪

Fuel up, 'cause you're going down!

♪♪

So, yeah, we're pretty
good with these, right?

He's gonna love you.

Really? He has no redeeming qualities?

Yeah, I don't understand
why you'd work with,

let alone be friends
with, someone who...

Hey, you must be Eddie.

Well, on the plus side,

now I feel no pressure to
have any redeeming qualities.

Eddie, this is Russ.

Hey, Russ. It's nice to meet...

Um...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You didn't tell me this
guy's in a wheelchair.

I may have to charge extra.

I am sorry.

I just...

You know, I wasn't expecting...

And now I guess I'm getting
a taste of my own medicine.

Could have used a heads-up.

Then I would have missed
this incredible moment.

[SIGHS]

♪♪

[CLEARS THROAT]

So, she's in, like, movies and stuff?

Uh, yes, but it's really important

that we... we treat her
like an ordinary person.

Got it.

Are you wearing shoulder pads?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Uh...

Hello! Welcome.

Thanks so much for having us.
I'm Shanice, and this is Kiana.

This is Theo.

THEO: Hi. Come in!

Oh. Should we take our shoes off?

Uh, no. Um, y-you're fine.

Uh, I-I just have, um, mine off

because, um, I...

I had on some heels

[CHUCKLES] that were k*lling me.

W-We never wear shoes in the house.

Even when we got the new dishwasher,

she made the guy wear booties.

[CHUCKLES] No, it... You're fine.

And if, by any chance, you're
into Harry Potter and Legos,

there's a Hogwarts
Express waiting for you.

Mom!

I used to play with Legos
in like fourth grade.

Oh, that's too bad. I love Legos.

Really?

Yeah, and I'm a total Potterhead.

Uh, right this way.

Wait, she said "Pot-ter head," right?

[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]

[CHUCKLES]

Um, this is a... It's a safe space here.

We're all Potterheads.

Not by choice. It chooses us.

♪♪

Can I get you a drink?

♪♪

MAGGIE: [ON RADIO] And while
this show is not a substitute

for in-person therapy,

my promise to you is I will
spend all the time it takes

to make each listener
feel heard and understood.

And if your challenge
requires more than that,

I will point you in the right direction.

So, if you are just looking
for quick sound bites

which are really just for
ratings, you should skip this,

because Maggie is here, and
therapy is nothing to fear.

That sounded better when I said
it to the mirror this morning.

Okay, our lines are open,

and for our first caller, we have...

Theresa from North Andover.

Theresa, you are In
the Room With Dr. Bloom.

THERESA: [BOSTON ACCENT]
I got a problem, Dr. Bloom.

When I fart, it makes me cry.

[FART]

[IMITATING SOBBING]

Yeah, that's... That's very funny.

But, in actuality, there can be a link

between our emotions
and good gut health.

Now, if we have any actual...

questions...

[CAR HORN BEEPS]

- [CHUCKLES] Wow.
- Wow!

I can't believe people pay
to ride an industrial fan.

I want to take the person
who opened that place

and throw him from a real plane.

[LAUGHS]

I'm sorry, baby. I really thought

- it was gonna be a lot more fun.
- Who said it wasn't fun?

Now let's go home and pretend
to surf in the bathtub.

[CHUCKLES]

I got a better idea.

♪♪

Cheryl, you have a beautiful home.

Oh, thank you.

It's more space than I
need now that Arthur's gone.

And according to my son,
I am not fit to live alone,

so I'm gonna end up
living in his guest house

with my unemployed granddaughter.

Fig cookie?

♪♪

Come on.

Wow. I love these.

Those are my "timeless treasures."

You got that right.

- Uh, this...
- That's the one my granddaughter made.

It's extra special.

It sure is. I mean, what's going on?

Is she opening the
umbrella? Is she closing it?

Is the rain about to fall?
Is the sun coming back out?

I guess we'll never know.

She's opening it.

Oh. I guess we know.

Cheryl, do you mind showing me

the, uh, light fixtures in the kitchen?

They were so beautiful.

REGINA: So, this is your better idea?

ROME: Yeah, I knew it was a sign

when I saw that huge crocodile
across the parking lot.

This is where we're gonna have fun.

No, the only thing we're
getting here is a stomachache.

You see, that's what I'm talking about.

We hate-watched the final
season of "Game of Thrones,"

and we are going to hate-eat
at Crocodilze with a "Z."

[SCOFFS]

[BOTH SIGH]

See your waiter, alligator.

♪♪

Restaurant bullies. I'm in.

[BOTH LAUGH]

[BEATBOXING]

[LAUGHS]

Oh, no. What are we gonna do?

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Don't worry.

I got your back, right?

DARCY: Gary, do you
want to see the bedrooms?

Uh, actually, I need
to see the bathroom.

[CHUCKLES]

It's the most important
room in the house,

am I right?

♪♪

[SIGHS]

♪♪

[PETER GRUNTING]

PETER: Take anything you want.
There's some money in the safe.

We don't want your money.

We're here because we know what you did.

I-I don't know... I-I don't
know what you're talking about.

Yeah, you do. And if I were you,

I would start telling
the truth right now.

- I am. I swear.
- Hey!

I want to hear you say
what you did to those girls.

Girls? W-What... What girls?

I-I don't know what
you're talking about.

♪♪

Please! Okay, don't hurt me.

Please.

Next time, I do that to your head!

PETER: Okay, okay,
fine. Fine, fine, fine.

I had a couple of students
come over here in bathing suits.

A few times, things might
have gone a little too far.

But I didn't hurt them, I swear.

What about Layla?

♪♪

PETER: Hey, I-I can't see you,

so I-I don't know who you are.

I want you... to look at me!

No, I'm not looking.

I can't see you.

I want you to look at me

and tell me what you did to my daughter.

♪♪

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

DARCY: You okay in there?

Checking the water pressure!

[WATER SHUTS OFF]

♪♪

[BRITISH ACCENT] Shall we
take our Butterbeers to go?

We shall.

♪♪

I'm sorry. I should have made
something more sophisticated.

Are you kidding?

Floppy, greasy pizza's my jam.

[CHUCKLES]

Same.

"I want you in all my tomorrows."

What?

From "Clear Water Down."

You know, the final scene, when you...

You pull your husband from the water

and you bring him back with CPR?

Oh. Right.

Great memory.

[LAUGHS]

I'm sorry.

I know I've been acting like a weirdo.

I just have to admit...

I am a huge fan.

I was obsessed with "Days of Our Lives"
during law school.

I loved your character,

and I was so sad when the
bee swarm took you out.

[SIGHS] I sound so dumb.

Not at all.

I appreciate it.

I was obsessed with the show, too,

before I booked the role.

When I first met Deidre Hall,

I could barely even make eye contact.

I told her it was nice to meet me, too.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I was so stressed out about meeting you.

See those flowers? I-I
moved them four times.

And let me guess... You
are a shoe-free home?

[SIGHS] Theo was so confused.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, no, you can leave them on.

Absolutely not.

I appreciate your honesty.

I am not some fragile diva.

I can abide by the rules of the house.

I assume you have some
Prada slippers I can borrow?

Um...

I'm kidding.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Look at your face!

Mmm.

That looks so gross.

What's gross is how delicious it is.

The four-cheese blend is perfect.

Caramelized onions don't overpower,

and there's a hint of Dijon.

Dijon. Why didn't I ever think of that?

Well, if it makes you feel any better,

the chicken Parm... Terrible.

Mm, mm-hmm.

You don't have to lie...

You're practically inhaling it.

Well, in that case, you gotta try this.

Take a bite... Little one, okay?

- I need this stuff.
- Mm-hmm.

We can't even hate-eat at this place.

I'm sorry, babe.

Mm-hmm.

This was a bad idea.

Yeah, it really was.

But that's okay,
'cause I got my revenge.

I told the hostess it's your birthday.

You didn't.

See your waiter, alligator.

TOGETHER: ♪ We swung from jungle vines ♪

♪ We slithered river miles ♪

♪ To wish you happy birthday ♪

♪ From crocodilze smilez, hey! ♪

Smile.

Well-played, Gina.

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

Gina?!

Teddy?

Crocodile Keith?

Oh. Oh.

...

- ... and .
- [GRUNTS]

Darcy wasn't kidding when
she said you were tough.

Oh, so, there were some
compliments thrown in there?

[CHUCKLES]

What else did she say about me?

Well, that you got this k*ller ass

that no one gets to
see anymore. [LAUGHS]

Alright, she may not
have said that part,

but she thought it.
She definitely thought it.

[CHUCKLES]

So, uh...

how did you end up in there?

Wow. That's personal.

We've only known each other
for, like, what, five minutes?

I'm sorry, I didn't...

Hey, I'm messing with you.

- Yeah.
- I'm an open book.

Tell you what... You give me a few more,

I'll tell you the whole sob story.

Okay.

[STRAINING] Yep.

So, uh, what was it, huh?

Car? Bus?

Evil Knievel stunt gone wrong?

Mnh-mnh. Much more exciting...

step-ladder.

What?

I was changing a light bulb
at my girlfriend's place,

and I could have sworn that
thing had only two steps.

I took a step back to what I thought
was the ground, but it wasn't,

and I felt something snap in my back.

I tried to walk it
off for a couple hours.

Two days later, I couldn't feel
anything from the waist down.

That was it.

You know, I don't tell
everyone the real story

'cause they're always just disappointed.

I mean, it's not as
sexy as a hit-and-run.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, at least you
know who to be angry at.

Who's that?

Guy who doesn't know
how to use a step-ladder.

Oh.

Alright.

Okay. If that's how it's gonna be.

Hey, next time, maybe use a crosswalk?

I don't know.

Okay, we're done. We're done!

Oh, no... we are done
when I say we're done.

Left hand this time.
A-five, six, seven, eight.

Can't you just see it?

A crib could go over here...

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

But I could totally see it.

Before it's the baby's room,

it could be the makin'-babies room.

Ooh.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Uh...

are there broken shards
of glass in your pocket,

or are you just happy to see me?

Um... Uh...

Oh, my God. What happened?

[WHISPERING] Liam knocked
over the very special one.

Okay, so, that's why you were
acting weird in the bathroom.

Don't worry. Cheryl didn't see.

I covered for him.

You "covered" for him?

Well, when I say it,
it sounds way cooler.

He's my bud. I gotta have his back.

I know that you want
to be Liam's friend,

and I appreciate that you
were trying to protect him,

but sometimes that means helping
him face the consequences,

no matter how scary.

And that's not just for
Liam... That's for any child

that we bring into this world.

Do you know what I mean?

I do now.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Did you know your son
broke one of my figurines?

Yes, and we are very sorry.

Don't be. I've been looking at
that hideous thing for years.

I've never had an excuse
to get rid of it until now.

More importantly, he
came and apologized.

That kind of honesty is very rare.

Well, trust me, he gets it all from her.

Well, whatever you're doing
to raise such a great son,

I want you to keep doing
it... in this house.

- It's yours.
- No way.

Oh, my God! Thank you so much.

- Oh, my God!
- [LAUGHS] Ahhh!

Cheryl, get over here.
Come on, you're changing lives.

Let's do this.

Ohhh!

Ow.

I'm sorry.

I'm just so happy.

MAN: There was this woman,

and we were together every single day.

And then, she was just gone.

Her name was Dr. Stacy,

and she got replaced by an uptight...

- I thought we screen these.
- Oh, we do.

He said he was calling
about abandonment issues.

Two minutes to traffic and weather.

Alright.

I get it. I'm the new kid.

You're hazing me.

But you should know that
I started a new school

at years old with
headgear and a back brace,

so bring it.

You're In The Room With Dr. Bloom.

BOY: Hi.

Um, am I on?

Yeah, alright, who's this?

Is this, uh, Seymour Butts,

or Ivana Tinkle,

- which...
- Oh, no.

My name is Jonah... Jonah St...

Oh, d... Uh, no. Don't say your name.

I'm so sorry.

Uh...

go ahead, Jonah.

Okay.

I-I called because I'm scared.

What is scaring you?

My mom drinks a lot.

Sometimes she drives.

Jonah, are you safe right now?

Yeah.

My mom's at work.

I'm home with my brother and uncle.

They don't know I'm calling.

I see.

And are you ever in
the car with your mom

when she's been drinking?

She doesn't drive with us in the car...

but I want her to be safe, too.

Of course you do.

Have you told her that?

Once. It made her cry.

She gets sad a lot.

But when she's happy,

she's the best mom in the world.

It must be hard not to know
which person you're gonna get.

[SNIFFLES] It is.

Well, I want you to know that
you've done nothing wrong,

and what is going on with
her is not your fault.

We all need help sometimes,
and your mom is no different.

How do I get her help?

Well, you reaching out
is a great first step.

I'm proud of you.

Maggie, it's time for
traffic and weather.

Jonah, is there another
adult in your life

you feel safe talking to?

Uh, maybe my uncle?

Jonah, d-don't go anywhere.

For our listeners,
you're gonna have to wait

to the next half-hour for your
weather and traffic report.

[CLICK]

You can't do that.

Hello?

Are you there?

Yes, I am here, Jonah.

Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere.

♪♪

[DOOR SLAMS]

Ah, wow.

It is so good to see you guys.

Ah, you too, Teddy.

And Happy Birthday, by the way.

I never knew you were a Leo!
I'm an Aries!

That explains why we
always got along so well.

A-Actually, it's not.

Totally...

It's not his birthday.

Oh.

To be honest...

I had an interview this morning

at the Crocodilze across town,

and, uh, didn't seem like
they were that into me,

so we came here to be brats about it.

Yeah, sorry. I know, that's not cool.

No, no, no, no. I get it.

And, look, this place
isn't as fancy as Someday,

but it's a gig. And right now,

I'm just happy with the steady paycheck.

But they make you do double
duty as Crocodile Keith.

- That's pretty rough.
- "Make me"?

No, I-I asked if I could
be Crocodile Keith.

- Oh.
- Yeah!

I get to come out here
for all the birthdays

and put a smile on people's faces.

I mean, it's why I got into
hospitality in the first place.

And, hey, the Crocodilze
across town does suck.

But, um, one of my
roommates is a manager here.

So, if you want in,
I can make it happen.

And by the way, the
employee discount here is...

[SINGSONG VOICE] insane!

Hmm.

Your husband had
a baby with another woman?

No wonder you stopped
watching "Days of Our Lives."

You had all the soap opera
you needed in real life.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Well, at least my divorce didn't end up

on the cover of Us Weekly.

[LAUGHS]

Not that I read that trash.

Only when I'm at the salon.

And the doctor.

And the dentist.

[LAUGHS]

Well, with Dennis and me,

it wasn't as dramatic as
those tabloids made it look.

He's a great dad.

But I knew I was only
staying in it for Kiana.

Eventually, she was going to leave,

and he and I would be two strangers

staring back at each other.

Do you ever worry about the story

we're telling our kids about
relationships and commitment?

I mean, my parents stayed
together their whole lives

until my dad passed away.

My parents are still together...

but they're not happy.

My mom always says, "A vow is a vow."

Which is why it was so
hard for me to leave Dennis.

But I didn't want to set
that same example for Kiana.

I want her to know that her
own happiness is important.

And that's the story that
you're writing for Theo.

Cheers to that.

Gotta love root beer.

Well, you know that's
a twist cap, right?

Oh, yeah, I know.

But you're gonna want to use that move

when you start dating again,

'cause it never fails
to impress the ladies.

[CHUCKLES] Uh-huh.

So, you and the girlfriend
with the broken light bulb...

You guys make it?

[CHUCKLES] Nah.

I mean, we tried at first.

It was her way of
dealing with the guilt.

- Mm.
- But, ultimately,

life with a partner who uses a chair

just wasn't the way she played
Barbies when she was little.

Well, I'm sorry.

Well, I'm not.

If we'd stayed together in the long run,

I'd be dealing with a
wheelchair and alimony.

[CHUCKLES]

How are you so okay with all of this?

Oh, I have my bad days.

I mean, look, man, having
to use a wheelchair...

Yeah, it can totally suck sometimes.

Everyday things that you
used to take for granted

are so much harder now.

But... I love what I do.

And I don't know if that
would have been the case

if I didn't get injured.

So, now I get to spend my life

helping people get their lives back.

Speaking of, from what Darcy tells me...

Yeah, you've been in recovery
phase one long enough.

It's time for phase two.

What is phase two?

Get a job.

Something out in the
world that's low-stakes.

You just want to clock in,
clock out, build confidence.

[EXHALES]

Start looking at the future.

♪♪

Well, it was a rocky
start, but we found our way.

I want to thank Jonah
for being so brave,

and, in doing so,
helping me to be brave.

This has been
"In the Room With Dr. Bloom."

Talk to you tomorrow.

[CLICK]

[LAUGHS]

You can't just cancel my segment.

What was that... Some
kind of ratings ploy?

No, of course not.

There was a child that needed my help.

That doesn't give you
a right to break the rules.

Well, what should I have done?

Told him to call back tomorrow?

It was important.

So was traffic and weather.

Okay, well, if somebody
needs to know it's raining,

they can look outside.

I've done six reports in the morning

and six in the afternoon

every single weekday
for the last two years.

People depend on it.

The mom who's rushing from a meeting

to get to her kid's soccer game?

If she doesn't know to take
side streets and avoid Route ,

she's gonna be late,

sending a message to her kid

that he's not the most
important thing in her life.

What I do matters.

♪♪

[DOOR OPENS]

You're right.

I'm sorry.

I didn't think about it that way.

Is the kid okay?

Yeah, I, uh, connected with his uncle

and got them some resources
they need to get help.

Good.

But don't ever do that to me again.

[DOOR CLOSES]

♪♪

Yeah, I know it was a long day for you.

[CAR ALARM CHIRPS]

But you're gonna love this new place.

[CHUCKLES] So much grass.

Basically a Phish concert.

Oh.

[SEAT BELT CLICKS]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

We need to talk.

♪♪

What the hell are you doing here?

You know we can't be seen together.

Please... Please, just give me a minute.

- We need to talk.
- No, we don't.

We had a plan. This isn't it.

I want you to look at me!

Tell me what you did to my daughter.

Did you hurt her?

No, no, I...

I would never... never...

I would never hurt Layla.

I swear to you.

- I-I loved her.
- You what?!

You didn't love my daughter!

I love my daughter, I love my daughter,

and you took her away from me.

No. No, I didn't.

You took everything away from me.

Aah!

Hey, hey, hey! Easy. Remember the plan.

I don't care! I don't care!

Did you hear what he just said?

He did this to her. He got in her head.

He was the reason she...

♪♪

Go home.

♪♪

Christopher.

I'm gonna get him to tell me
what he did to my daughter,

and that's between him
and me and no one else.

Go home.

After you went home,

I got him to tell me...

what he did to Layla.

And I just...

[BREATHES SHAKILY]

I just lost it.

Something in me snapped.
I couldn't help it.

What do we do?

"Do"? We do nothing.

We keep our heads down.

But I can't stop thinking about it,

and I'm worried that Georgia can
tell that something is going on.

That's because you're acting
like something is going on.

You know how Peter did what
he did to Layla and Sophie

without giving it a second thought?

That's what you need to do right now.

And what if he wakes up
and he says something?

What if he doesn't?

We can never meet like this again.

You understand?

♪♪

You don't know me.

♪♪

[CAR ENGINE TURNS OVER]

♪♪

Did you know she met Daniel
Radcliffe in real life?

She was calling him "Dan."

[BOTH LAUGH]

Sounds like you two had a good time.

Mom, she's amazing.

Wait. I want to save the
little table from the box.

Can we hang out with them again soon?

Yeah, I think we should.

It's nice making new friends, isn't it?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Be in my room.

♪♪

Babe, I'm sorry our
fun day kind of sucked,

but on the bright side,
we have leftovers for days.

Check out the look on your face.

Let me see.

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

Oh, man.

Thank you.

For making me laugh today.

I think I understand the
reason people like Crocodilze.

It's comfortable and familiar
and it's always there.

Kind of like you and me.

Mm.

You saying I'm like your chicken Parm?

Mmm, yep.

Just as delicious, too.

I think I'm gonna take the job.

You sure?

- You don't have to rush into anything.
- No, I know.

But it might be nice just clocking
in and clocking out for a while.

And getting to buy some cool pins
to make sure my flair's on point.

I might even get one custom-made.

"Ask me the difference between
alligators and crocodiles."

Ooh, I like this plan. [CHUCKLES]

MAN: A lot of our Halpert's
employees even shop here

when they're not working because
of how good the discount is.

Everyone's welcome here.

Your, uh, condition
will in no way affect,

uh, our decision regarding your
employment here at Halpert's.

♪♪

♪♪

WOMAN: I'm the one who hit you.

EDDIE: Hey, stop!

I know you know who I am!

Hey!

Hi, I'm...

I'm sorry, I was just...

What? You were just staring at me, yeah?

I know, I just...

You're Eddie Saville.

I'm a huge fan of the Red Ferns.

I saw you guys play
at the Garden in ,

and I just...

I'm so sorry. What happened?

Um...

I was just in an accident.

But I'm getting by.

Thanks.

♪♪