06x02 - Little Ricky Learns to Play the Drums

[bunniefuu]

"Little Ricky Learns to Play the
Drums"

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

(theme song ending)

Here you are, honey.

What do we say when someone gives us
something?

You know, Little Ricky.

You remember what Daddy always says

when somebody gives him something?

Gracias.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Don't do that at the table, dear.

Do that again, son.

Ricky.
Just a minute.

Listen to that b*at.

What?

Listen to that wonderful b*at.

Listen to the rhythm.

Hey!

Looks like he's gonna be a drummer.

Well, he certainly is not.

That's the last thing in the world I
want him to be.

What's so bad with being a drummer?

It's just not good enough for a son
of mine.

Well, it's good enough for a husband
of yours.

Well, that's different.

How is it different?

He's my flesh and blood.

You're just a close relative.

Well, what do you want him to be?

I don't know.

I... I'd like to see him...

Wouldn't you like to go in your room
and play, darling?

Okay, Mommy.

All right, sweetheart.

Take your toast with you.

Let me wipe off your mouth a little
bit.

There you are.
Run along.

I'd like to see him get into a
dignified profession.

I'd like to see him be...
a doctor.

A doctor?
Mm-hmm.

but, uh, I just thought that he
should be a drummer

because he showed ability.

You heard him.

That's natural talent.

Oh, "natural talent," my foot.

He's trying to get the oatmeal off
his spoon.

He was not.

He was, too.

I don't care. I think he should be a
doctor.

Well, I think he should be a drummer.

A doctor.

A drummer.

Doctor.
Drummer.

Drummer.
Doctor.

Ah, fine. You agree.

He's going to be a doctor.

You tricked me.

I did not. He's gonna be a doctor and
that's that.

Well, that is not that at all.

Yes, it is now, Ricky.

Just because I want him to be a
doctor and you want him

to be a doctor.
Never mind...

We'll He should be. just see...

Oh, dear.
They're having a fight.

We'll see you later.

We're not having a fight.

Come on back here.

It's just that I'm right

and he's too stubborn to admit it.

It's not that at all.

It is, too. You just don't want to
admit

No!
that I'm right, that's all.

Hold it, hold it, hold....

Wait...
yip, yip, yip.

Would you stop not fighting for just
a minute?

Lucy, I came over to see if I could
borrow

your fox stole to wear to the theater
Saturday night.

Sure, honey, it's in the living room
closet.

Oh, thank you!

Well, Fred, I got the theater
tickets.

Oh.

Here's your pair.

Oh, thank you, Rick.

It was mighty nice of you to invite
us.

That's all right.

Oh...!

What's the matter with you?

For a minute I thought you were

being strangled by a giant
caterpillar.

Oh, Fred!

Oh, Lucy,

this is a beautiful stole.

Thank you.
Come on, Fred.

You can go back to not fighting now.

We weren't fighting.

We were just trying to decide

what Little Ricky should be when he
grows up.

Hey, why don't we ask them?

After all, they're his godparents.

All right. What do you think he
should be?

A wealthy, distinguished doctor

or a crummy, out-of-work drummer?

Well, thanks for putting it so
impartially.

Well, that's all right.

Uh, why don't you let him decide for
himself?

Yeah.

We never thought of that.

What about it?
All right.

We'll let him decide for himself.
Okay.

And neither one of us will try to
influence him.

No, neither one will try to influence
him.

We will let him decide for himself.

Yeah, we'll let him decide for
himself.

All right.

Hey, Fred, did they deliver a package
here for me?

Yeah. I was just going to take it
over to your apartment.

Oh, well, I, uh, I don't want you to
do that.

I want you to keep it here for a
while.

What are you doing, surprising Lucy
with a new hat?

Well, uh... it's not exactly a new
hat, no...

It's a...
it's a sort of a drum.

How can it be "a sort of a drum"?

It's either a drum or it isn't.

Well, it is.
That's what it is.

It's a drum all right.

Now, Fred, I know what you're
thinking.

But look at it this way.

I just want to have it there in case
the child decides

that he wants to play the drum
someday, that's all.

Just to be prepared, you know.

Well, you-you should have heard...
seen him

the other day at the breakfast table.

He got the thin' and he go "dink,
dink, da."

Oh, the boy has a tremendous amount
of talent really.

Stop hemming and hawing.

I'm not Lucy.

Well, then, will you keep it here
until the time is ripe?

Sure, I'll keep it.

Thanks a lot.

Hi, Daddy.

Hi, partner.

What are you doing dressed that way?

I'm playing doctor.

Oh, you're playing doctor, huh?

LUCY: Little Ricky?

Better get out of that outfit, dear.

You know, we want to surprise Daddy

and he's gonna be home any...

Oh... dear.

Yes, "Oh... dear."

I thought we weren't gonna try to
influence him.

I thought we were gonna let him
decide for himself.

Yes, now, we did say that, and he did
decide for himself.

This afternoon we just happened to be
in a toy store

and he took me by the hand

and dragged me over to the counter

and pointed to the little doctor's
kit.

He dragged you?

Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.

Daddy, are you sick?

Just a little, son, yeah.

Stick out your tongue and say, "Ah."

LUCY: There you see?

He's a natural-born doctor.

Come on, Daddy.

Ah...

Mm-hmm, you'd better have your
tonsils out.

All right. I'll do that.

Come down to my office tomorrow.

Okay, I will.

Now, you know

isn't that the cutest thing...?

Now, Ricky...

Of all the low tricks--

influence him behind my back.

Oh... shame!

Well, he will make a good doctor.

Ricky, this package is for you,

but it came over to...

Give me that package!

What is it?
Let me see it.

RICKY: Nothing, dear.

Well, what is it?
Let me see it.

Nothing at all.
Is it something for me?

Is it for me? Is it?

Well, it was supposed to be a
surprise, dear.

Oh, really? It looked like a hatbox.

Yeah. Yeah, that's what it is.

It's a hat.

It's a hat I bought you for Easter.

Easter?

Yeah, well, I believe in doing

my Easter shopping early, you know.

A hat from Schirmer's Music Company?

Oh-ho!

From Schirmer's Music Company, huh?

Yakety-yak, yakety-yak...

What'd I do?

Well, well, well.

Oh, it has a very good tone for a
hat.

LUCY: Yes, sir.

Well, now,

I'm just gonna be the grandest lady
in the Easter parade.

FRED: Hey, Rick, it's gone!

Somebody must have taken the...

FRED: Uh-oh.

Well...

Leave it to you, Miss United Parcel.

How was I to know that that was a...

Come on, Let's get out of the combat
zone!

Well, I guess the shame is on the
other foot.

Well, you did it, too.

I don't care.

This drum goes back first thing in
the morning.

All right. So does that Junior Dr.
Kildare Kit.

LUCY: All right.

RICKY: Okay.

LUCY: All right, we'll start from
scratch.

Okay, scratch.
Okay.

All right.
All right...

Honey, honey, let me take that.

Now, darling, it has to go back to
the store in the morning.

No, Mommy.

Now, come on, give it to Mother. Come
on.

I want to play the drum.

Oh, now, honey, wouldn't you rather
play

with your little doctor's kit?

No, Mommy, I want to play the drum.

Well, all right.

I hate to admit it,

but he does have a pretty good b*at.

Ah, yeah...

(snare drum playing monotonous but
rhythmic march b*at)

(monotonous march b*at continues)

Well, what are you doing up so early?

Well, Little Ricky has a great b*at,

but it's not too good for sleeping.

Oh.

What time is it?

: .

: !

Yeah, you must be a sound sleeper.

He's been playing for the last hour.

He's been playing for the last four
days.

Should I ask him to stop, honey?

No, no, no, no, no.

If he wants to play, we should let
him play.

Yeah, that's the way I feel about it.

After all, we don't want to in-hi-bit
him.

What?

We don't want to in-hi-bit him.

You know, frustrate.

Oh, in-hibit.

Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.

Oh, no, no, we don't want to do that
to him.

(snare drum continues playing
monotonous march b*at)

Want me to get you some breakfast,
honey?

Yeah.

(monotonous march b*at continues)

(to the rhythm of Little Ricky's
drumming)

How many eggs, dear?

Two.

Two.

(in march time): Two, two, two.

Well, that is a catchy b*at, isn't
it?

Yeah, it sure is.

I only wanted two eggs, dear.

(rhythmic drumming stops)

(drumming resumes)

(monotonous march b*at continues)

(in march time): Fred? Fred?

(in march time): Fred, Fred, Fred?!

How can you stay so calm during all
of this?

That drumming is driving me crazy.

Did you say something, Ethel?

Hey, that's a good idea.

Does it work?

Huh?

Does it work?

Well, they muffle the noise,

but your ears get hotter than blazes.

Oh, we got to do something about
this.

You bet your boots we do.

Let's go over there and ask them if
they'd mind

restricting Little Ricky's playing

for just an hour or two a day.

An hour or two?
How about a minute or two?

Now, Fred, none of that. None of
that.

If we go over there, you got to be
careful what you say.

Parents get awful touchy

when you're talking about their
children.

I'm sure that if we're nice and
diplomatic,

they'll be reasonable.

Let's go.

(snare drum playing monotonous but
rhythmic march time)

You know something?

Maybe he should be a doctor when he
grows up.

I can't stand it.

I just can't stand it anymore.

Neither can I.

He's just gonna have to cut down

on his practicing, that's all.

Okay.

Hi, fellas.
Hi.

Oh, hi.
Oh, hi.

Listen, I'm awfully sorry about the
noise.

Noise? What noise?

Little Ricky's drumming.

Oh, that.

Well, we never noticed it.

Right, Ethel?
Right.

My, he certainly loves to play.

And, my, we certainly love to listen.

He has such a nice, steady b*at.

Yeah, steady.

Well, we're glad it didn't bother
you.

Yeah, me, too.

Bother us?
Oh, don't be silly.

Now that you brought it up,

we thought it might not be a bad idea

if he'd cut down a little.

Just a bit.

Just to give his little hands a rest.

Yeah, we're only thinking of the
child.

Well, we were thinking of asking him
to just...

What's that?

(drumming stops)

He stopped.

What a relief.

I thought he'd never quit.

What did you say?

Oh... (stuttering)

No-no-nothing.

He's, he's just amazed at the child's
stamina.

He didn't think anybody could keep up
that racket

for four whole days.

Racket?

That is not a very nice word

to use about my son's playing.

We were under the impression

that it was rhythm and music.

Rhythm it might be; music it ain't.

How would you know?
You got a tin ear.

Is that so?!

Yeah, that's so.

Why don't you go ahead and say it?

Go ahead!
Come right out and say it.

Say you can't stand Little Ricky's
drumming.

All right. We can't stand Little
Ricky's drumming.

How dare you say a thing like that?!

Because it's true.

Oh!

Come on, Fred, let's get out of here

before that pounding starts again.

Oh, what's the use?

It's just the same over in our place.

Well, don't blame that on Little
Ricky.

Blame it on your cheap, thin walls.

Yeah.

As the owner of these cheap, thin
walls

I might have you evicted for
disturbing the peace!

You wouldn't.

Oh, wouldn't we?

Out you go unless you put a muffler

on that baby bongo beater.

Just a minute.

Just a cotton-pickin' minute.

Before you go evicting anybody,

I got a piece of paper here.

Two years ago, when we wanted to
move,

you were so crazy about us as tenants

that you gave us a -year lease.

Yeah. That means for more years,

Little Ricky can play the drums.

Yeah!

Go ahead and play, son!

(snare drum resumes playing
monotonous march b*at)

Oh, Fred, let's get out of this
boiler factory!

With pleasure!

Honestly!

Huh! Some friends.

How did we ever choose them to be our
son's godparents?

I don't know.

Maybe we can turn them in and get two
new ones.

Huh!

Sheesh!

Here are your theater tickets.

I'm afraid we've made other plans.

And here is your moth-eaten fur.

Moth-eaten?

I've trapped better-looking things
than that

underneath my kitchen sink.

Out!

Out!

(in march time): Out! Out! Out!

(door slamming)

(growling)

Don't count too much on that lease.

Landlords have a way of getting rid

of undesirable tenants.

a...cualquier cosa, viejo...!

(imitating Ricky)

You said it!

Yeah! What did we say?

It's very hard to translate,

but take my word for it, it fits.

Good.

Yes, Mrs. Trumbull.

We're leaving for the theater at
: .

Well, the baby's already had his
dinner,

so if you'll just... you'll come up
any time you want.

Okay? Okay, dear.

Hi.

Oh, hi!

(making kissing noises)

How did everything go today?

Fine, fine.

Uh.... Mr. Mertz didn't pull any
monkey business?

Haven't even seen him.

I knew he was just bluffing.

Sheesh.

Well, if we're gonna go to the
theater,

I'd better go get cleaned up.
All right, honey.

Dinner's almost ready.

I have a delicious roast chicken in
the oven.

Good. I'll just take a quick shave
and a shower.

All right. Hurry, up, huh?

All right.

Honey?

What?

Something is wrong with the
electricity.

My shaver isn't working.

Something's wrong with the gas.

My chicken isn't working either.

What happened?

I don't know. It's been in for two
hours.

Funny, the gas and electricity

would go on the fritz at the same
t...

Oh, no.

What?

I'll bet this is the work of Freddie
the Fritzer.

Oh... he wouldn't go that far.

Well, we'll just see.

We'll just call the gentleman and
find out.

(telephone ringing)

Hello?

Mr. Mertz, this is your tenant, Mrs.
Ricardo.

The gas and electricity are off.

Now, I know you're mean and sneaky,

but you wouldn't stoop that low

now, would you?

(laughing wickedly)

(slams down phone)

He is that mean and sneaky!

I'm gonna go over there and punch him
right in the nose.

No, now, honey, that's just what he
wants you to do.

He wants to pick a fight so he can
ask us to leave.

Well, what are we gonna do?

Now, wait a minute.

The first thing in the morning

I'll call the Board of Health to
report him.

That'll fix him.

Yeah. That's a good idea.

How do you like that guy?

Listen, we'll grab a bite to eat
downtown.

All right, dear.

What am I gonna do about shaving?

Oh, you don't need a shave.

You look wonderful.

I'll just take a quick shower, huh?

Okay.

How did he ever forget that?

RICKY(humming in high voice):
La-la-la di a-la di

La-lai la-lei la-lai.

Hey, honey, I just thought of
somethin'.

What?

What are we gonna do

when Mrs. Trumbull comes over
tonight?

She can't sit here in the dark all
night long.

She's gonna take the baby back to her
apartment,

and we'll pick him up when we come
back.

Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.

(resumes humming)

(water stops running)
Oop!

?Que paso? El agua, se seco el agua.

No hay agua aqui.
What happened?

I know. The water is off in the
basin, too.

Phantom Freddie has struck again!

Ai! Mira, ?que quiere el hombre de
esta cosa?

Oh, honestly, that man.

Listen, honey,

there's an... an emergency valve in
the back porch.

Go turn it back on.

Honey, I can't. I can't see.

I-I-I... I can't open my eyes.

I'll get soap in them.

Oh, all right, I'll go and get it.

I'm sorry, dear.

All right. I'll get it. Oh...

Oh, honestly, that man.

Hurry up, honey.

Que barbaridad...
( muttering)

Sheesh.

Ooh! Ooh!

RICKY: Ai dios!

Ooh, hurry up, honey.
Yes, I'll...

I'm getting soap in my eyes.
Hurry up!

Oh, honey, Ooh!
all right.

Ooh! Ooh...

You took the towel!

Oh, dear.

Oh, Ricky.

You took the towel.

For heaven's...

Ah!

Oh!

Oh!!

Ah!

Honey, the water is back on!

You're telling me!

RICKY: What happened?

What happened?

Oh, honestly, honey.
Look at me.

Oh, oh, honey, I'm sorry.
Honey, my hair.

Now I won't be able to go anyplace.

Oh, dear!

Darn that Fred Mertz!

What a fiend!

What a fiend that man is!

Oh...

He probably thinks that

this is gonna make us move.

Well, he's got another thing coming.

We've only begun to fight.

You got an idea?

Follow me!

Okay.

Get this right here.

Here-- you take this.

What are we gonna do?

They want to be nasty,

we'll give them something to be nasty
about.

Oh, a little drum concert, right?

Yes. We're gonna play a little
well-known Latin-American tune

called "Nurtz to the Mertz Mambo."

(chuckles)

Let them hear it, boy!

Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

They're probably having dinner.

Let's play the serenade from the
kitchen.

Oh, that's a good idea, yeah.

(laughing wickedly)

That way, they won't miss a single
glorious b*at.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

What are you doing?

Just a little added sound effects.

(clanging)

Ready?

Yeah.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

(yelling)

(both clamoring)

RICKY: Just a minute!

Fred, go on, call the police!

He's not gonna call the police on my
telephone.

Too cheap to use your own phone, huh?

Yeah.
Yeah.

Too cheap to use your phone, huh?

Are you gonna stand there

and let that Havana "Horace" Hite

call you cheap?

No, I'm not!

Now put them up!

Listen, you lay a hand on me

and you'll have to use the telephone

Put them up!
to call the hospital!

Yeah.
Call the hospital!

Yeah, let me tell you, I can take you
on, too.

(all arguing)

What's the matter?
What happened?

Where's the baby?

I came up to take him.
He's not in his room.

Are you sure?
What?!

He's not in his room?

Did you look every place, Mrs.
Trumbull?

I looked all over the place.

Did you look in all the closets?

Oh... Little Ricky?

Oh, Little Ricky?

LUCY: No, he isn't in there!

No.
He isn't in there.

The door was open when I came in.

The door was open!
He might be outside!

I'll go get him.

I'll get my coat and go with you.

Get your coat, Fred.

I'll call the police!

Oh...

Operator? Operator?

Operator, the police!
Get me the police!

Oh, Lucy, where do you suppose he
went?

How do I know?
Take it easy.

He's wandering around outside.

Wait, wait, wait.

Take it easy, everybody.

Everything is all right.

Did you find him?

Follow me.

Never mind, operator.

Aw, the poor little thing.

He couldn't stand all that noise.

The next time we fight, we'll fight
more quietly.

We're not going to have any more
fights, Ethel.

It was all our fault.

No. No, Fred, it was our fault.

We promise you from now on

he won't play the drums so much.

You let him play the drums as much as
he wants to.

He can do half of his practicing

right here in our place.

Fred!

What's the matter, Ethel?

We're only going to be here for
years.

Oh, Lucy...

You think you can stand us that long?

Oh, Lucy, I'm so sorry, honey!

Ah, Rick.
All right, Fred.

(applause)

(closing orchestral flourish plays)

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy" is a Desilu
Production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
time.

(theme song ends)